Chuck Norris

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People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

You can't judge a book by its cover. But Chuck Norris can.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "Of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. Historians have recorded this as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"


All are gold.
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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews



Originally Posted by The Watcher
LOL- As I was reading the Chuck-isms all I could think about was the scene in Return of the Dragon where Chuck gets beat up my Bruce Lee-
Why do you think Bruce Lee died? Chuck Norris killed him of course. He was mad about what happened to his character on screen. (No disrespect to the man, Bruce Lee.)
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Nostalgia is no excuse for stupidity
I don't believe in golden ages
Or presidents that put kids in cages
America awaits on bended knee
Bad Religion



God once asked Chuck Norris if he would ever repent for his sins, Norris replied,
"Only if you suck my %$*3!!!"
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Originally Posted by 7thson
God once asked Chuck Norris if he would ever repent for his sins, Norris replied,
"Only if you suck my %$*3!!!"
Chuck Norris can't suck himself.



Teeth of Lions Rule the Divine
That was great lol.
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"Walk down the right back alley in Sin City and you can find anything..."



The only known way to stop a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is Bruce Campbell's chin.

And the only way known to stop The Norris on a rampage is Bruce Campbell and a Boomstick.
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This thread is brillant.
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Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much *life*. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully.
-Ruth Gordon, Harold and Maude



When Freddy Krueger has a nightmare, it’s of Chuck Norris; except for Freddy, there is no escape.

Chuck Norris was behind the mysterious deaths of Tupac, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain. He'll knows you never turn down playing Chuck Norris’s birthday party.

Chuck Norris CAN mess with Texas

In the Walker Texas Ranger episode where Chuck Norris and his parter drive the hummer into the mine, they made that episode completely into fiction and had to use computer animation of Chuck Norris because at rehearsal Chuck Norris would always have his eyes open.



Queen of the Nile
Excellent!!



??cixelsid ma i fi tahw os
well...i know this thread is about chuck norris...

BUT IF YOU MENTION HIM ONE MORE TIME ILL HAVE TO ROUNDHOUSE KICK YOU IN THE HEAD!!

sorry..had to do it....i heard it somewhere
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D65511



Chuck Norris asked a group of children: "Who do you worship?"

The kids said: "Jesus, God, the prophet Mohammad, Buddha, etc..."

Chuck said:" WTF? You little heathens!!!!!", then he proceeded to put a boot upside each on of their little heads. When all was said and done Good ol' Chuck had those little kids eating out of his hand and calling him God but one little kid named Johnny called him a lying piece of shizza, then Chuck put a boot upside Johnny's head and Johnny said " I have foot fetish Chuck, could you put your boot upside my wiener you loser **** nugget!!!"



And on an unrelated yet familiar note, I heard Dos Equis beer is doing away with their Most Interesting Man In The World commercials