Fear Street Part One: 1994
Yoooo, this was a surprisingly great movie. I was expecting this to be some sort of pg-rated horror flick that never got gory or scary. I was really expecting much especially with the mask figure looking like a direct ripoff of the killer form the Boy Meets World episode “And Then There Was Shawn”. I couldn't have been more wrong, and this was apparent right from the opening scene. Sure the kill in that scene was a direct ripoff of the opening kill in Scream, but hey **** it, who cares it was still done well. Plus, there was enough suspense and intrigue where I was willing to overlook the unoriginality. The rest of the movie is pretty much the typical slasher movie. Although unlike the usual slasher movie though none of these characters annoyed the **** out of me. There was a pretty solid story going on here. Usually, I'm rooting for the killer to murder everyone, but I actually wanted the teens to win in this. Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age. I still wanted a lot of gruesome deaths, though. Which is something this movie also delivers on with its last 2 kills. One of these kills is an all-time great kill. That supermarket end scene was damn good. They did a great job every time one of the killers was on the screen of creating suspense and maybe some sort of fear. I don't know what the **** I'm talking about here. Look, the movie was wat better than expected, so go ****ing watch it. Even with all this praise, I won't lie, There were some minor issues with this movie.
The first was that I don't think AOL chat was up and running in 94. I feel like that was later in the 90s, but I know jack****, so I'm sure I'm wrong. Second, the grave being disturbed here was lame. Mainly just cause they didn't really touch the grave at all. These god damn zombie/monsters ruining my chance at god damn lesbian scene. The whole kill the girl with pills plan was dumb. The pills were a long way to go when they could have taken easier routes. Have someone choke this bitch out or drown her. Either way would have been easier than counting on pills. Bro, how you gonna tease me with only snippets of NIN and Iron Maiden. For the most part, these are all just me being nitpicking douche.
Overall this a much better horror than I was expecting. There are plenty of good things going on here to make me excited for the sequels. Well, at least the third movie, the second one, has the potential to be a rehash of this but just in 1978. 8./10

The Tomorrow War
Is this the best alien invasion movie? No, it isn't. Hell, it's not even the best alien invasion movie released on July 4th weekend. That crown remains on the head of the king

. Will Smith punches aliens better than Chris Pratt does. There certainly ain't no leaders as great as Bill Pullman either. However, this still is a solid ass movie. Chris Pratt is reliable in the lead, and he has a strong supporting cast along with him. He has good chemistry with just about everyone. Sam Richardson is great as the wise-cracking sidekick. Simmons nails the grumpy old man who talks ****. Although it's really unsettling to see Simmons so jacked. It's not normal to see a 70-year-old man on roids. Anyways back to the movie. It's got a little bit of everything you want from a film. Its got some humor, decent characters, good action scenes, family reunions, and a good global warming message (like that part was forced in this movie). The stairwell scene is probably the best of the action here. The aliens were scary looking here, and the scene was just tense. All the other scenes were okay, but they lacked the same vibe as the first. Let's get to the minor issues now.
This movie was pretty predictable. The second that the nerdy kid in the class wouldn't shut the **** up about volcanoes. I ****ing called it that volcanoes and science would be the key to kill these sons of bitches. Sure as ****, wouldn't you know that nerd was crucial for defeating the aliens. The ending was just average and seemed to go on for a lot longer than it needed to be. When that fat dude and other lady sacrifice themselves, that moment doesn't quite hit the emotions they wanted. There was no emotional connection to them at all.*
Overall this movie was good. It won't blow you away, but you will be entertained. It's better than other streaming movies released recently, like*The Conjuring: The Devil Put Me to Sleep,*the lackluster*Without Compromise,*or the average at best*Outside the Wire. This movie is a decent alien invasion movie. Just don't make a sequel. 7.7/10

America: The Motion Picture
Sometimes **** doesn't work out at all. There was enough talent between the voice cast and production teams on here to set expectations that this would be decent. This was a disappointing level below decent though. A lot of the jokes here just don't land the way they probably intended for them too. I'd say a solid 70% of the jokes fall flat on their face. Even the jokes that make you laugh aren't the funniest. You will get a slight laugh out of this, but if you want to legit laugh, then this movie is not for you. You know you did something wrong when even the great Jason Mantzoukas isn't funny at all. The dude is hilarious in everything, except for this. Just a poorly written, unfunny movie.
I'm well aware of how much I just **** on this movie, but there were bright spots. The animation here is damn good. Scenes like the Fast & Furious parody, the opening scene where Lincoln bleeds out, or the ending scene all feature crisp and exciting action sequences. That final battle was also excellent. Some of the voice actors were on point here. Channing Tatyyum was good as Washington, Bobby Moniyahn, was the best part as Paul Revere. Will Forte needed more time as Lincoln but was still good in his limited time.
All in all, this movie is a big disappointment. The few bright spots can't outshine the absolute bombs of jokes that are missed. 4/10

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