+2
This is quite a transformation from your earlier attempt, John. I commend you for your enthusiasm and dedication for improvement. I know that it must have been a bit of hard work to completely revamp your writing style and come up with something that is easily ten times better than what you have done before. Congratulations on your very valiant attempt.
With that said, I would recommend that you print a copy of your review for your English teacher to proofread. I’m sure that if you were to show the same level of desire to your teacher, that he or she would be more than willing to help you with your grammar, punctuation, and composition. You do have some misspellings and poor choices of punctuation in your review, but most of us here at MoFo have varying degrees of difficulty with that very issue. We might not be the best choice to help you with that.
Another point is what jrs mentioned. With the exception of your final four paragraphs, your review is one large play by play of the film. Hell, I personally have that problem from time to time. Yet, in reality, writing a review like that is taking the easy way out. It ceases to be a review and instead becomes a narrative for the film’s plot. In order to make a true review that belongs solely to you, you need to find your voice. What I mean by that is this; you need to find a way to express your feelings about the different elements of a film. How did the acting rate? Was the story complex, believable, emotional, or flippant? How were the visuals, e.g. the cinematography or special effects? Was the music used to its best ability, or did it not fit the theme of the story? When you figure these things out, write about them. Try not to fall into the trap of giving away the entire story, people like to be surprised and don’t want to know everything that happens in the film. So you need to write about the other elements I described to you. Then polish it off with a bit of you. “This film is important/fun/terrible because ________” Does any of this make sense?
Just remember, we are all amateur writers here. Some are exceptionally talented like Holden Pike, The Silver Bullet, and Yoda, while others of us have our own strengths and weaknesses. We all want to write better than we do. We all find fault with our work. We all love it when people take the time to read it and say ‘good job’.
Good job, John.
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"Today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."