MoFo Fantasy Football 2011 - Week 9

The call just came pouring in to have me back for at least one more week. You see, my contract is up and unless I'm given a year's supply of Crest toothpaste a half a bag of gummy worms, some stale peanuts and a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. I can't in good conscience return to work for this MoFo totalitarian machine.

Kidding of course. Chris bought me off with a few bags of crack, that actually turned out to be baking soda and alka seltzer. Hey! That's the chance you take kids, when you work for drugs. Let this be a lesson to you. Now I have to do this column for 157 more years; even after I'm dead! It's true.

What were we talking about? Fake football games? Well that's kind of a silly thing to talk about isn't? Don't any of you people have lives?

Yeah, me neither...

I refuse to talk about my own matchups anymore. I never get it right and that's seriously screwing with my win percentage. Which is also stupid because this is a prognostication thread for fake games and being concerned about a fake prognostication win/loss ratio is also just asinine. Right? Yeah, well, whatever. Maybe that was crack in those baggies, as I have no idea what in the hell I'm talking about anymore.

Maybe we should talk games eh?

OK then first up is 11 Angry Men vs. The Replicants

Once Maclin gets into the fold the spread on this game gets even closer. If Angry Men wins the top spot is all but his going into the playoffs. Tough call. Leaning towards Reps at this point. Mostly because I just fell out of my chair from a crack induced head rush.

My Pick: The Replicants "That was irrational of you... not to mention unsportsmanlike."

The Mean Machine vs. Team Zissou

Team Zissou is being forced to start Tavaris Jackson at QB this week in Dallas. You poor bastard. I feel your pain.

My Pick: WAR TONGO!!!

Hired Goons vs. Mindsculpters

Both these guys have dudes on bye this week, but it may not matter as most of the league has been kicking the hapless Sculpters around this season.

My Pick: Goons, Goons, Goons!

Big Damn Heroes vs. The No Name Gang

Key game here and if Welker is a little more hurt than they are letting on which is often the case, Jay's season could be in the balance. Either way I think Big Damn is in trouble, I think Beast Mode is in for a score this week and his receivers are looking good. Plus, Jay still has big holes in is Running back slots.

My pick: The No Name Gang actually has a name, their name is... oh, nevermind

Flash II vs. Sookie's Suckers

Flashy is having by far his best FFB season and I see no reason for that not to continue. Gold Teef Johnson has been a huge bust. Sidney Rice may not even play this week and Romo? Well he's at home this week, but Seattle has a knack for making him screw up I'm not sure why.

My Pick: Flash II is one step closer to the playoffs

Beantown Champs vs. Dextrution

Every week I look at Petey's Champs and I just can't figure out how he manages to lose so much. Obviously he's just a completely inept manager who spits on homeless people and kicks puppies every chance he gets. That would do it? Wouldn't it?

Maybe.

After that though, I still think he's going to win, which is why I'mma pickin' Dex this week.

My Pick: Dextruction, probably in a blowout, HA!

OK follks, for what it's worth, there you have it.

__________________
We are both the source of the problem and the solution, yet we do not see ourselves in this light...

Yeah, I agree, I think I'll probably lose. I was pretty sure of it before, then saw I had some pretty good matchups at WR, but with Nicks almost definitely out it's going to be tough. Winning wouldn't shock me at all, but I'd probably bet against me.

Janikowskis gonna kick sunday -whew! Thought Id have to throw Eric Decker to waivers to make room for some jabroni kicker. Decker may still have fantasy value, maybe even if Orton doesnt return.

Dubs, I'm comin' for you after my win tomorrow!

I just heard a hilarious fact on ESPN. This has been Fred Jacksons breakout year, and one of the commentators said Fred Jcksons wife plays fantasy football. This season she picked him in the 5th round. lol She picked Vick, Michael Turner, DeSean Jackson, and Dallas Clark ahead of him.

The only steady elements in my roster week to week since the draft has been Josh Freeman, Janikowski, and Baltimore. The one week I played Tebow over Freeman was when I was waffling, and my motherboard went out before I could slot Freeman back in for the bazzilionth time. Tebow did do better that week though.

Well, I asked both my wife AND my cat whether I should play Ware or Helu; both pretty horrendous options. They both say Ware; an unusual case of consensus.

So what's Helu got? You got it: 10 receptions out of the backfield and over 20 points. Ow.

The rest of the matchup has been reasonably competitive, but there's a good chance the Helu benching won't matter, since I probably need a decent lead on Seds going into tomorrow night.

Highs and lows......... Last week I had Ray Rice, and Jeremy Maclin. Since Bradshaw will probably be out for the year I lost Rice & Maclin for Dez Bryant, Crabtree, and Battle. The Bucs are pretty much on their ear since they seem to be showing their youth more now than last year. At best Ill be a midcard team in the league this season, and theres not a thing I can do about it. FFB will not only kick you in the balls, it looks you directly in the eye with a smile while doing it.

Phil Rivers breaken out big time.

2 early pick 6's have been forgottn. heck all my Chargers came thru big time.

__________________
"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo.

FFB can suck it.

Yeah, pretty crappy week over here. I had two very tough, coin flip decisions to make, and two ancillary ones, and I managed to pick wrong on all four, and it'll likely cost me both matchups.

My matchup with Seds would've been eminently winnable if I'd played Helu, or even if I'd just taken a chance on Ford over Bess. OR if I'd stuck with the Arizona D. Any of those three decisions and I've probably got the new win streak record...ah well. Turns out it's, like, really hard to win 8 games in a row.

yay be me.

man it felt good to finally say RiversGates.

Also this was sweet.

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How did Rob bench Crabtree for Heyward Bey is what i wanna know.

Because Heyward-Beys numbers were better in every single way before today. The question should have been why play him over Jonathan Baldwin. Both Baldwin and Heyward-Bey are riding pine next week.

Ugh...

Nostadextrous is not to be Trifled with Chris. Not this week anyway.

I believe i advocated Palmer over Bradford as well

You did. But you played McNabb earlier this year, too. But you were spot-on this week, for sure, so well done. Grumble grumble.

Nothin' I hate more than coin flip lineup decisions.

The Mcnabb play is stored in the same spot as Slapshot 2 in my memory bank.

I have no recollection whatsoever.

I think I'll borrow a page from that playbook and just wipe week 9 completely from my memory. As far as I'm concerned every team was on a bye this week.

its out of the husband handbook.

pay it forward

well, i kicked butt this week, and I should for the foreseeable future. I'm showing you dont need rbs to do well in a ppr league