Splash Vault: Sleaziest Sleaze of the Seven Seas

Where MoFos assemble to discuss anything pirate. Just watched a pirate film? Good form!



Bring your rum, & review it in here. Or.. this turns into a Nostro review thread.
Where pirate films get the Slash vault treatment. Until we realize every movie should be a slasher movie.
Or a pirate movie. Or a slasher-pirate movie



Some Pirate films:
The Black Pirate (1926)
Captain Blood (1935)
The Buccaneer (1938)
The Sea Hawk (1940)
The Black Swan (1942)
The Spanish Main (1945)
The Pirate (1948)
Treasure Island (1950)
Against All Flags (1952)
Long John Silver (1954)
The Crimson Pirate (1952)
The Buccaneer (1958)
Blackbeard's Ghost (1968)
The Pirate Movie (1982)
Hook (1991)
Treasure Planet (2002)
The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
... and more to come

I loved the good old days when Nostromo was a pirate and not a serial killer. Most of all I miss when he was the invisible man on his rocking chair . That was honestly one of my fav avatars on this site and I haven't even seen the movie

Yo ho matie

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

One-Piece are the worst pirates ever!

When I used to smoke, my friend always said I remind him of Sanjay from One Piece . Not sure how big of an insult that was since I've never watched the show, but looking at that picture it must've been pretty bad

The Island


Don't watch this next clip, unless you've seen the film . . .


I wasn't a fan of this movie, although the ending is hilarious. To each their own, though.

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Captain Jack Sparrow, One-Piece and Hook? Pffft, for me this guy is the only true pirate:

What do you guys think about modern day pirates?

You should add Cutthroat Island to the list - was one of the worst box office bombs of all time, I haven't seen the movie though so it might be decent - who knows (seeing as movies like Jack and Jill turned out to be blockbusters, lol)

I thought this was a thread about bootlegging movies.

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Dont forget this 70's flick, which I havent seen since I was 6 or 7 so it really could be gawd awful...

ARRRRRR! PIRATE TIME




first up!



TREASURE ISLAND (1990)

Charlton Heston is Long John Silver
Christian Bale is young Jim Hawkins
Oliver Reed is Billy Bones
& an appearance from Dracula himself, Christopher Lee plays a blind pirate scalawag

Captain Billy Bones, at your service



Captain Bones arrives at the Admiral Benbow Inn and tells tales of wild deeds on the Spanish Main. Bones' ex-crewmates are hunting him, to steal a treasure map Bones has in his possession signed by John Flint, bloodthirstiest pirate that ever sailed. After a brutal skirmish, as odds would have it, young boy Jim Hawkins (Bale) who works at the inn with his mother, ends up with the charts



This film is written and directed by Fraser Clarke Heston, Charlton Heston's son. Story follows Jim Hawkins as he sets sail with a crew, including a cook and scalawag called Silver, seeking the mysterious island. Just the sort of tale i was looking for

Rating: + 7.5 / 10

Does this count?



Oh, and Yaaaarrr!
There be poiraarts 'ere.

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BLACKBEARD'S GHOST (1968)

In the years of the eighteenth century lived the pirate, Edward Teach. From the Spanish Main to the Carolinas, he wrought a bloody tale of destruction, unparalleled for its ferocity and terror
Blackbeard was real. He fought with lit cannon fuses under his hat,
and wore as many guns as he could carry. And now he's back, set loose in the Carolinas in 1960's.

The aged crewmates of Edward Teach run the old inn of choice of their captain... who was cursed by his ex-wife, a wretched witch. Leaving Teach racked in limbo betwixt this world and the next, until he does something good, for once. Peter Ustinov carries the film and packs the humor as invisible dreadman Blackbeard. My (and your) imagination of what a Blackbeard film could be surpasses what Blackbeard's Ghost is, still there's relative fun to be had when mining for buried-treasure pirate films

By thunder! Up the jolly roger!

Rating: 6.0 / 10

THE ICE PIRATES (1984)

Long after the interplanetary wars, the galaxy's gone dry. Water is the only thing left of value, and the Evil Templars have gained control of this life-giving source. The Evil Templars power is now absolute, except for a few rebel pirates who go around stealing ice from the great Templar fleets.



Ron Perlman plays a pirate, plus there's pimp bots and space herpes. Which seems fitting for the sleaze vault. Did i really call this the sleaze vault? i may have gone too far, finally. Anyways! The ice pirates kidnap the Queen from her bed, and a random sequence of events ensue creating a sort of whackball energy

Let's have a passion storm -Mary Crosby



Basically an absurd mash-up of 60's B sci-fi movies with pirates, mixed with Spaceballs & Alien. The space herpes is basically the alien. Maybe watch it with friends who enjoy vulgar 80s dystopian-future endearing silliness. The ending is pretty terrible, but everyone seems to be enjoying themselves anyways

Rating: + 6.5 / 10

Nate and Hayes (1983)

For some reason, on IMDB, it's called Savage Islands but by its original title on Amazon. A pirate movie where the pirates are the good guys, and they are lead by none other than Tommy Lee Jones! No kidding. Also starring Michael O'Keefe (Danny from Caddyshack) and the lovely Jenny Seagrove. This movie is action-packed and has lots of humor in it. If you can't get by Jones as a pirate, then don't bother but it's very diverting fun. I have had the DVD for a long time but it's getting rare. It's available on Amazon for $63.93! but don't pay that. Used DVDs start at $21.76, which is a much better price range. There are no decent trailers on YouTube, but here's a clip of the first of the movie:

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"Miss Jean Louise, Mr. Arthur Radley."

I vaguely remember this film! I would really like to watch this again, thank you for reminding me it exists.

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"You, me, everyone...we are all made of star stuff." - Neil Degrasse Tyson

https://shawnsmovienight.blogspot.com/

I like Nate and Hayes - I have it on VHS.

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It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

Rep for Mary Crosby because pics of Mary Crosby deserve rep.

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5-time MoFo Award winner.