Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews

The Dead Zone
(directed by David Cronenberg, 1983)



***Movie selected by KasperKristensen***

Odd. The Dead Zone seems to have a positive reputation based on what I'm seeing online. But I came away from it underwhelmed.

The story concerns a schoolteacher who seems to have everything going for him -- mainly, a girlfriend who's crazy about him. He tells her he's gonna marry her one day... later that night, he gets into a car accident and goes into a coma. Five years later, he wakes up and his girl is gone. She has married someone else. Understandably, she could not wait for him - she had to move on with her life. The schoolteacher, Johnny (Christopher Walken), soon realizes that he can see the future whenever he touches somebody.

While watching this movie was somewhat enjoyable and I really loved Christopher Walken's character, I found the movie too simple, too depressing, too silly at times and it had a mediocre vibe. Is it because it's a 1980's movie? I don't know. It's got that creepy Stephen King vibe (who wrote the book the movie is based on) but it just didn't feel strong and smart. There's an incredibly hokey moment in which Christopher Walken's character gets picked apart on television by news reporters regarding his psychic ability and we see his mother, who's watching it on TV, get so upset that she appears to have a heart attack. Some other moments were bloody and disturbing. Most of all, though, I felt the movie was a great big downer. How tragic that someone would go into a coma for five years, lose the love of their life, then get this power that basically destroys their own future and happiness once they wake up.

I had read the book its based on, also called The Dead Zone, years ago, but never saw the movie until now. I remember liking the book a lot. From what I can remember, there's been some changes between the book version and the movie, but I'm not sure that I'm right. I've still got the book and I'm tempted to re-read it (although, I'm sure that feeling will pass soon).

Martin Sheen appears in the third half of the movie as a senator who's had a vision of himself becoming the president -- unfortunately for him, Christopher Walken has also had a vision of him basically destroying the world once he becomes president. So, you get to see Christopher Walken go after some tiger blood in this movie. The movie ends successfully for what it is but in my opinion The Dead Zone could have had more complexity and more realism and more sophistication than it did. Maybe being simple worked for most people with this movie, and I can see the charm bracelet it's wearing, but I thought this movie was too easy and lacking warmth and happiness and solid entertainment. It's hard for me to describe why I feel this way when it seems hard to point out big flaws... it's just too plain. It's not edgy, it's not rich, it's bleak and dismal and it made me sad. It feels cheap -- like a cheap horror film not really fleshed out. It shocked me that David Cronenberg made this movie. Christopher Walken was good, though -- but his character seemed too thin. What else was there to Johnny besides his love for the girl he lost, his caring attitude towards others and his psychic gift? A movie involving psychic phenomena just needs a lot of depth, I think, than standard, acceptable traits like caring for others. What if Johnny didn't care sometimes?

Wauv. I really thought you were going to dig it. I'm not sure I'm agreeing with your main argument there. "This movie was depressing so I didn't like it." Lots of movies are depressing but still considered great classics like Citizen Kane or Sophie's Choice. Or Old Yeller.
I can understand not being in the mood for something like The Dead Zone but to completely write it off as a bad movie on the count of being sad, seems a bit extreme.
I found Christopher Walken perfect for the role and I think I found the sound direction really amazing when I saw it too.
Not all movies should make you happy. Some are specifically designed to bum you out. A lot! But that's the great thing about movies. They make us feel and give us goosebumps, the good ones do, and sometimes the feeling isn't pleasant but that's because it's a tragic story and those deserve to be told as well. It's like if I didn't like A Nightmare on Elm Street because it made me sad that all these innocent people had to die.
The rest of your complaints are completely valid. You found it silly and bleak at times and that's perfectly fine, all I can say is that I didn't and I can't really do anything about it.

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The Freedom Roads

You should still watch Strong World by the way, everyone should.

I saw The Dead Zone when it came out and thought as thriller it is better than average, but it isn't a deep, heavy movie, that's for sure. The ending is very pat and the Martin Sheen character is a cartoon, not believable at all as a viable Presidential candidate.

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- Paula

Buffalo Soldiers
(directed by Gregor Jordan, 2001)



Buffalo Soldiers is as hot as buffalo sauce. Joaquin Phoenix plays a badass soldier named Ray Elwood, who's stationed in Germany in 1989, right before the fall of the Berlin Wall. He deals drugs, he cooks heroin, he sleeps with his commanding officer's (Ed Harris) wife (Elizabeth McGovern - not Ed Harris). But nobody notices his shenanigans because he keeps a clean image. Unfortunately for him, he's getting a new Top/First Sergeant (Scott Glenn) who is just as badass as he is. Soon, he's taking out the new Top's daughter (Anna Paquin) just to piss him off, but he finds out they actually have great chemistry together. As Ray continues his dirty dealings in drugs and - his newest item - weapons, he must face off against his new Top and someone who's onto his scheming way of living.

First of all, I HATED Joaquin's character at first, but one of the strengths of this movie is that he grew on me. He is not a good guy at all -- he's a dick and he deserves a little slapping around. But he's put in situations where he looks redeemable and I did like the relationship he had with Robyn (Anna Paquin's character). They really connected - although, I think more could have been shown.

There are some pretty funny moments -- a tank being driven around by a bunch of guys on heroin, for example. There's a lot of action -- a lot of explosions, guns firing off, people getting punched and bloodied up, knife fights, etc. It sort of feels like a Generation X Beetle Bailey meets Fight Club, with Joaquin Phoenix as Beetle if Beetle was smarter and more complex and cared more about making money than sleeping all day. The world of Buffalo Soldiers looks at the Army through the eyes of individualist, self-sufficient young men that got stuck in the Army and hate it but wanna turn it on its ass and make it their playground and their starting point in life, in a badass, more corrupt way.

A fascinating layer to the movie is spread throughout via the exploration of Ray Elwood's psychological makeup and how it ties into his relationships with everyone he meets, especially Robyn, the Top's daughter and his love interest. The movie begins in a dream of Elwood's where he is falling from the sky and hits the ground. He has an issue with falling, with being on the ground. Robyn just happens to be a swimming pool diver, something that scares Ray. Throughout the movie, we meet characters who reveal their own nature in regards to their positions in life.

I thoroughly enjoyed Buffalo Soldiers, but it is not without faults. I would say there's a pacing problem, even though I don't know if I'm qualified to be a great judge on pacing. I don't think it juggles all of the characters well -- I think Ed Harris is totally wasted in this, or at least he's made out to be sort of numb and not that interesting. I think that the script is rather mediocre, especially for something that got a lot of big actors like Joaquin Phoenix, Anna Paquin, Ed Harris and Scott Glenn. Maybe the fact that this is a 2001 movie had something to do with it, I dunno. The action sequences and the coolness to Joaquin's character reminded me of a movie that came out not long before this - Fight Club - especially when you think about the scenes with him and the guys cooking up heroin. Perhaps this movie is riding on its coattails. It is too much action and too much of a nihilistic cartoon version of Beetle Bailey -- Scott Glenn is actually more wasted than Ed Harris as his character does nothing but look and act menacing. Deep humanity is mostly missing from this film, but guys who are looking for action and a badass male character to root for will enjoy Buffalo Soldiers. The romance between Joaquin Phoenix and Anna Paquin could have been very serious and very memorable, but again, more waste. The film ended on a good note, but nothing that will be superglued to your memory. Too much style, not enough substance, although it's great material -- a comfy pillow in the process of losing its feathers.

I liked it but not as much as you Sexy nice review

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

Good review, SC. Oddly, I almost recommended this film to you last week. I can't remember what you were saying or reviewing, but I thought of this. Glad you saw and liked it.

I've always kind of had the idea that Johnny in the Dead Zone was probably supposed to die in the crash but Fate or God or something used him to stop Sheen from blowing up the world.

I actually thought Sheen was great as a charismatic narcissist.

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#31 on SC's Top 100 Mofos list!!

He was, which is hysterical given how compassionate and inspiring he was as President Bartlett in "The West Wing" later. Not only does the man have crazy range, he's got crazy range within specific professions.

Cool. Looking forward to seeing what you thought of Drugstore Cowboy.

Nice review Sexy. I saw Buffalo Soldiers for the first time a few weeks back and really enjoyed it. Had the DVD kicking about for years and finally got round to it

Well, I heard years ago there was a movie called Buffalo-something so I checked it out.



woops

A Single Man
(directed by Tom Ford, 2009)



*** This movie was singled out by ash_is_the_gal ***

Ponder this: You're gay and it's the 1960's. You've had a male lover for the past 16 years who lives with you. He decides to go away on a little vacation to see his family - and of course he can't bring you - and what should happen on that vacation? He gets into a car crash and dies. And what should the typical, closed minded 1960's family do about you, his secret male lover? Not invite you to the funeral, of course. Your partner went away on a little trip and you had no idea you would never see him again.

But that's not entirely what A Single Man is about. This movie deals with the lover who was left behind, George (Colin Firth), a college professor in Los Angeles. It's been eight months since his partner died and he can't take another day -- life is just too painful for him now. He has a gun and he's planning to kill himself at the end of the day. He goes to school and does his usual routine, but something is off about him -- everyone notices that he's not in good shape. As the day goes on, we meet other characters he knows, including his best friend Charley (Julianne Moore), who wishes George was straight so they could have had a relationship together, and a young student that George teaches who appears to have a little crush on him and is following him around everywhere.

Well, let's get this out of the way: Tom Ford's The King Speech was a lot better than this movie. Ash has heard me give comments about this movie, already - I told her I liked it, but the truth is, it's not something that will blow people away. Despite the terrible situation that Colin Firth's character finds himself dealing with, there really could have been a lot more depth brought to the table. Speaking as someone who really understands the pain this guy has gotta be going through, I do think that a lot of opportunities for crafting together a truly unforgettable film about being gay and losing your partner in a horrific manner were wasted.

For starters, the suicide plot is stupid. It's pretty apparent that this guy is not gonna kill himself. Don't worry - that's not a spoiler - you'll realize this early on. I also think that having the film take place only on one single day limits the scope we could be seeing in regards to what this guy really is like, how he handles himself and what kind of agony he truly experiences. A Single Man is a depressed version of Pee Wee's Playhouse -- you've got your Miss Yvonne character (Julianne Moore), traipsing around with her big hair and her own self-contained horniness, in which she flirtatiously hits on one specific best male friend, but doesn't go far with it. You've got your random hot Latino character that pops up briefly - in this movie's case, it's a male prostitute played by Jon Kortajarena. You've got all these other characters that stop by Colin Firth's house and it's all within a single day. It's just not really brilliant, exciting, deeply emotional and memorable material. Something like this - a movie with that kind of storyline - something not really done before, at least not in a mainstream motion picture - could have become a complex, rewarding, very engaging and very epic event. Instead, it's a party film. It is a stylistic, gay American Beauty without the originality and complexity of that film. It's a movie that features Colin Firth and Julianne Moore dancing around together as a highlight - and most of the time, Colin Firth's character is cold, or, at least, detached.

The movie tries to show him warmly opening up to the world and to the people around him before he's supposed to go off and kill himself, but the devices they use for this are typical -- "You have very pretty eyes", "Do you know how much your cheerful attitude has always made me happy?", "You're better looking than James Dean, you know?" -- it's a Isn't the World a Great Place? film. It's the wrong kind of story for this material.

It makes good use of what its doing, for the most part, and there's some things about this movie that are worth checking out -- thoughts about getting older and death, in particular -- but sadly, if you skip A Single Man, you're not missing much. It truly is a terrible situation that Colin Firth's George character is going through, but I wish they really had drawn us into him and his life and how it's been going since the time his partner died instead of focusing on a "last day of your life" scenario. I mean, if he's really suicidal -- and he has every right to be and this could have truly been shown, especially since they bothered to set this movie in the 1960's -- why wasn't his last day more depressing? Why couldn't we have seen the darkest of the dark? Trust me -- that's a very possible reality. Not everything is sunshine and lollipops and college age boys in fuzzy sweaters suddenly stalking you and undressing themselves in front of you. Sometimes life stinks and there's no Febreze.

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints
(directed by Dito Montiel, 2006)



A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints is a story about friends growing up in the mean streets of Astoria, Queens, New York, where violence and drugs and death and no escape seems to be all that's offered. Shia LeBeouf plays Dito, who also happens to be the writer and director of this movie. This is Dito Montiel's first movie and it's autobiographical. Robert Downey Jr. plays the adult version of Dito. Dito has written a book about his childhood hometown and the people he left behind (in real life, this movie is also a book.) He's called home one day by his mother, played by Dianne Wiest, because his father is sick. He hasn't been home in twenty years. As he makes his way back, and even once he gets there, the film flashes back to events from a year when Dito was a teenager.

Dito deals with a troubled father that cannot listen to him or express any love without violence. When he's not at home or at school, he's hanging around with his buddies, one of which is played by Channing Tatum, or he's fooling around with his girlfriend, played by Melonie Diaz and later played by Rosario Dawson. A kid from Scotland also moves to the neighborhood and him and Dito quickly become friends, dreaming together about moving to California. They get a job walking dogs for a homosexual crack addict.

First of all, the movie has a great soundtrack - the film is set in the 1980's, with songs like "Welcome Back", "Baby Come Back", "Baker Street" and more. There's also a fabulous ensemble of actors portraying these characters, especially with the teens. Rosario Dawson lights up and fights up her scenes very well and Chazz Palminteri is perfect as Dito's father. The reality of these characters is very honest and human and there's a few deeply emotional moments that'll hit you like a ton of bricks. Let's just say that life isn't too happy with most of these people, although, according to Dito's book, it was heaven.

On the downside, I didn't come out of this movie feeling like it was a true winner. I can't say I loved the movie, its purpose and its style. There were times where I wasn't sure what was going on, although I was able to catch up and realize later what was happening -- the style of this movie is that sometimes events are quickly shown, with little establishing shots of a scene to give you an idea, or there are cutaway moments where the screen will go black for a second, as in a scene where a fight and something else serious is happening. Other moments, particularly with the dialogue of the teenagers running amuck, sometimes left me bored/zoning out. I also felt like Robert Downey Jr. didn't exactly have much to do and didn't really inhabit the body and soul of the character, Dito -- Shia LeBeouf plays him with a lot more life and energy and power. Perhaps being away from his loved ones - his saints - for twenty years has weakened Dito, but I mainly chalk it up as Robert Downey Jr. being Robert Downey Jr. (sorry, Rob, love ya ) I also can't say I'm entirely fond of the story itself -- a character leaves town, leaves the people he loves, ditches them for twenty years and then comes back and is happy to find that everyone still loves him? While I certainly enjoyed the scenes involving Dito and his friends in his youth, what's so moving about briefly reconnecting with these characters after having not seen them in twenty years? And why should I care so much about this guy after twenty years, anyway? What exactly has he been doing during that time? Why does he still deserve so much love when he's been absent for so long?

Perhaps with more viewings, this movie would do more for me, and I recommend this film if you can't decide on something to watch and you've never seen it -- it's certainly not boring, but be prepared to pay attention and be up for a bunch of rowdy street kids. It's not Robert Downey Jr.'s finest hour, but as a piece of cinema dealing with troubled teens in Queens, you could do a lot worse, I bet.

Man, that one snuck past me somehow. I'm a big fan of Robert Downey Jr., so thanks for the heads-up.

i actually really liked A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. i bought the book awhile back, too. i thought Shia Labeouf really shined here. pity he's got himself in such an awful typecast now.

Shadows and Lies
(directed by Jay Anania, 2010)



I bought this movie without ever hearing anything about it. Reviews for Shadows and Lies on the internet are all extremely negative - it's got a 3.7 rating on IMDB.com currently. It played at the Tribeca Film Festival last year, though it was titled William Vincent at that time. It stars James Franco and it's directed by Jay Anania, who heads the directing program at the graduate film school at New York University and he also taught James Franco while he was studying there recently. On a side note, he also happens to be the brother of the deceased Elizabeth Edwards.

I loved Shadows and Lies until the very end. I felt strongly for James Franco's character. He plays William Vincent and from what we learn in the beginning of the film - through his voice-over - he once boarded an airplane in San Francisco (after arriving there from Japan), realized he left a book inside the airport, went to get it, the gate closed and the plane took off without him -- and then the plane crashed, killing everybody on board. No bodies were recovered. William Vincent is not his real name -- it's a fake identity. I guess after the plane crash, he was considered dead, so instead of salvaging his identity, he decided to live life without one - except for this "William Vincent" name he got from a fake passport. Now he's in New York City, walking around aimlessly, or stopping at Vietnamese restaurants to eat, and he's somehow managed to get a side job editing nature documentaries, which he works on in his home (a former little, rundown appliance shop in Chinatown.)

William is a lonely, sexy, volatile character -- he has a dark side in which he enjoys messing with people's heads, robbing them, hitting them, hurting them, maybe even killing them -- this is something that takes us awhile (like, the whole movie) to really explore and figure out. But William is also friendly, sweet and seems perfectly harmless. Trouble comes to William, though, when a powerful gangster boss discovers him and sets him up to meet Ann (Julianne Nicholson), a call girl that works for the gangster boss. He meets Ann, who loves the kimono that decorates his tiny little place, and falls in love with her. But the love cannot be reciprocated -- at least not the way he wants it. The boss wants William to stay away from her -- while continuing to fulfill assignments for the boss, of course, which leads to William receiving large sums of money.

That's the plot of Shadows and Lies, but it isn't really all that exciting. This is a slow, artsy-fartsy, pretentious, though very beautifully photographed motion picture. Looks stunning on Blu-ray. James Franco channels the dark, brooding, New York street walking pictures you might have seen of James Dean. The movie actually begins a little before the ending and for the first half hour, it builds the character of William Vincent, rather bizarrely, but beautifully. Many times, the movie shows us stock footage from the nature films William is working on, giving us lessons about birds that can fly backwards while actually showing the birds (two of them, that I guess symbolize lovers) flying backwards and forwards. Other times, there are other bizarre creatures staring you in the face for a minute or two (green fish and closeups of insects). It is, I admit, laughably bad -- this right here was the funniest moment for me. Imagine James Franco, standing behind a white door in a white room, and a woman narrating this over the movie (the same voice that sometimes narrates his nature movies):

William is standing outside a door.
On the other side of the door, a woman and a man are having sex.
In a park, a child runs.
(Cut to a scene in a park, with a tree, and a child sitting under it.)
Another rides a bike.
A little girl reads.
A man walks under a tree.
(Cut to a city street and a man walking down the sidewalk.)
No... a man walks past some potted bushes on the street.

You see what I mean? This movie can be hilarious in the wrong way.

This movie made me think about the Are Films Art or Entertaiment? thread started by Mark F. Shadows and Lies is a movie that I believe is probably trying to take itself seriously and artistically -- especially when its directed by an NYU film school professor. Yet, it appears that everybody hates it (though, I don't hate it.) This movie reviewer says that the film is basically an arthouse remake of Mad Dog and Glory (which I haven't seen.) I think that, while Shadows and Lies is definitely not top quality entertainment and absolutely warrants criticism, I felt the movie was better than average. When it was finally over, I thought, yes, I can see how this movie would appear pointless and idiotic and boring, and it's actually very depressing and cold, but... the movie clicked with me. And I'm not lying -- I'm not saying that just to feel good about blindly buying it. I actually thought it was a very good piece of work for what it did. I think, yeah, it could have gone in a different direction -- it could have had more dialogue and more enriching scenes and not been such a random flux of bizarre voice-over poetry and green fish with blubbering mouths and jellyfish and James Franco walking around everywhere, but the film really sucked me in and kept me fascinated with William Vincent. It was sad and tragic, this character's fate. He seemed detached from everybody, even the audience. Perhaps that is why nobody likes the film -- nobody can connect with William, just like in the movie. And I was totally visually arrested by the cinematography, just like Variety said. I recommend it.

Sometimes artistic failures can be more interesting than commercial successes.

Twin Falls Idaho
(directed by Michael Polish, 1999)



Twin Falls Idaho is one of the most unique and most brilliant motion pictures I have ever seen. Twin actors Mark and Michael Polish play siamese twins named Blake and Francis Falls, who are living in a rundown building when they meet a struggling and loveable prostitute named Penny (Michele Hicks), who changes their fate. In the film's moody and artful beginning, Penny arrives at their place, after receiving a $2 bill in change from a taxi cab driver with a hook for a hand. Her spirit seems down, her character appears like Lydia Dietz (Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice) -- initially she's frightened by the siamese twins, having no idea she was being set up with such characters, but then after fleeing their apartment, she realizes she left her purse behind and the next thing you know she's being offered cake and helping Francis recover from an illness.

She runs into them later at a diner and invites them to a Halloween party. They go as themselves -- but nobody realizes they're actually siamese twins. Now the movie is really starting to come alive and the slow moodiness of the beginning is wearing off and we're getting to know Penny and the siamese twins as real, everyday human beings. The private feelings of the siamese twins are explored and suddenly you realize Twin Falls Idaho is a movie like no other, for the point of view about life from siamese twins is quite different from those of us that don't have an extra person always attached to us. The movie turns into a love story as Penny and Blake share strong feelings for each other, but Francis is not too keen about this - and it's not because he wants Penny, too. It also turns into a medical drama as the possibility of separation and maybe death for the twins becomes real.

Mark and Michael Polish play very sensitive and touching characters, both soft spoken and adorable. It's quite a difference from their appearance in Hellraiser: Bloodline in which they portrayed evil and murderous siamese twin cenobites from hell. I assume this must have been a deeply passionate project for them both (Michael is the director and both of them are the writers) and they really amazed me with what they did. Twin Falls Idaho is one of those movie treasures I only discover at rare times. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Does anyone else experience this? You can watch a lot of good movies - five stars, the works - but only every once in awhile you discover a movie that somehow stands out above the rest. It just has a power about it. It somehow connects to you more, it becomes like a new patch on your own personal quilt. Your own movie quilt - your big, thick, comfortable, soothing, snuggable movie quilt. This is my new patch - I'm sewing in some siamese twins and I'm gonna throw them over me now. Oh -- and too bad it's only fabric.

A lot of fun, a lot of heart and a lot of uniqueness -- that's Twin Falls Idaho. Highly recommended.

DIE HARD
(directed by John McTiernan, 1988)



Die Hard is probably the best bad movie ever. I don't really think this film is all that realistic and staged correctly with how people behaved and how the events transpired, nor do I believe a character like John McClane (Bruce Willis), an NYPD cop visiting Los Angeles and getting caught in a building taken over by terrorists and defeating them all, could really pull off such a stunt and make it out alive. But Die Hard is one hell of an action movie - beautiful on Blu-ray - full of adrenaline and testosterone and that big ape man himself, Bruce Willis, strutting around in a wife-beater and talking smack through a walkie talkie to the bad guys.

You all know the story - and if you don't, let me introduce you: It's Christmas Eve and Bruce Willis has just arrived in Los Angeles to visit his wife and kids -- his wife, played by Bonnie Bedelia, lives apart from him and they don't see each other often - I think it's been six months since they last saw each other when this film begins. She got a great job at this Nakatomi Plaza building, but he wants to continue working as a cop in New York. Now... this is a part of the movie I do not understand. Bruce Willis... and Bonnie Bedelia... together? And he's not cheating on her? One of the sexiest men of the world in 1988 ... is married to Bonnie Bedelia ... and, I guess, is faithfully not having sex with other women for months and months at a time ... because he wants Bonnie Bedelia?



I don't get it.

I don't think the film gets it, either, because there's a lot of shots of John staring at bimbo blondes strutting around him (you know, earlier in the movie before he's real busy) and there's even random Playboy centerfolds hung up around the building just to tease John as he's roaming about with his machine gun. All that man -- and it's to be celibate inbetween visits with Bonnie Bedelia? No wonder he survived this movie -- God must think he's the biggest saint ever.

Anyway, there's a big party going on at Nakatomi Plaza when John gets there to see his wife -- they get separated and then the terrorists arrive and take over and John ends up running around the building everywhere, in vents and things sometimes, hiding from the terrorists (the leader is brilliantly played by Alan Rickman), trying to get the police to help him, and, most bizarrely...



Chattin' it up hard with Officer Carl Winslow from Family Matters... ?????

Yes - Die Hard is a strange, mysterious concoction that seems to have otherworldly forces coming together to complete the picture and give it a throne to sit its hot Bruce Willis ass on. I really don't know what all to say about this film. I think - and I hope its already been done - that you could delve deep into this movie and do a huge analytical study on it. It has a lot of game pieces sitting around its playing board -- issues about America, issues about cops, issues about terrorists and foreigners and black people, the media, immigration, masculinity, New Yorkers, women in power, stupid Americans, stupid men, codependency and transferences, Vietnam, religion, the government, entertainment. It's quite a soup. I'm not sure where to even begin -- this is only my first viewing of Die Hard in about... oh, I'd say five years. And even then I think it was my first time.

Die Hard isn't perfect. There's way too much footage of the terrorists or the cops or somebody doing boring things - things like showing us what they're doing to get their jobs done and all that. It's a little unnecessary and boring - there's times where it seems like John McClane has been offscreen for far too long and he's really the heart and soul of this movie. I think Die Hard, which runs at 131 minutes, is a little bit too long. Sometimes events we expect to happen - like when the terrorists learn that Bonnie Bedelia is John McClane's wife - don't really pack as much of a punch. Besides all of these casualities, Die Hard is still one of the greatest blockbuster movies ever -- dark and shimmering, ageless, big breasted, and bona fide bedazzling super supreme pizza sure to keep any hungry, starving spirit of the wind nourished and conscious.