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In response to the original question, I have certain films that I develop a deeply emotional/personal connection with, and I almost don't want anyone to say a word about them to me.

And it's hard when that reaction is pretty out of the norm. Like, most people would say that Predestination is a pretty good sci-fi thriller. But I connected with the movie with surprising intensity and emotion. So even hearing someone be like "Yeah, it's pretty good" is almost hard. It brings out this dramatic teenage persona who is like "Um, PRETTY GOOD?!?!?!?!? IT IS AMAZING!!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!" *throws self down on couch dramatically*

So some of the films I love the most are actually the ones I am kind of gun shy about discussing because I take the criticisms of them almost personally.

It doesn't ruin a film for me when someone else doesn't see its greatness, but it does make me kind of grumpy.



I do love ruining those so called experienced of other if not sheeps
Say what?
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I’m here only on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays. That’s why I’m here now.



You call yourself “unemotional”, but I perceive you as one of the most intense people here. You have a visceral reaction to things that most people wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about.

Humor me: Scorpio or maybe Aries?
Not even close. My mother is a Scorpio, she’s the most over-emotional person I know.

Well, yes, but that’s my point: I probably exhibit more emotion in virtual spaces like this one than I do in real life. The only three times I’ve ever cried were at film screenings. I might have some other kind of attachment disorder or something, but I don’t care enough to go investigating. As for appearing ‘normal’, hard to say, but when push comes to shove, people do call me out on inappropriately icy or non-empathetic reactions or comments.



In response to the original question, I have certain films that I develop a deeply emotional/personal connection with, and I almost don't want anyone to say a word about them to me.

And it's hard when that reaction is pretty out of the norm. Like, most people would say that Predestination is a pretty good sci-fi thriller. But I connected with the movie with surprising intensity and emotion. So even hearing someone be like "Yeah, it's pretty good" is almost hard. It brings out this dramatic teenage persona who is like "Um, PRETTY GOOD?!?!?!?!? IT IS AMAZING!!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!" *throws self down on couch dramatically*

So some of the films I love the most are actually the ones I am kind of gun shy about discussing because I take the criticisms of them almost personally.

It doesn't ruin a film for me when someone else doesn't see its greatness, but it does make me kind of grumpy.
Missed this - I had a slightly disorienting weekend. The end of your first paragraph is kind of what I was getting at. Doesn’t apply to all films for me, of course, but more than a select group, for sure. It must be an extreme form of snobbery but I’m finding myself far more comfortable watching things alone these days. And yes, second that re: taking criticism of favourites personally.



AgrippinaX has anyone actually said you're a psychopath?Or did you mean that rhetorically?
I have to agree with Stirch, Agrip doesn't seem to me to be a psychopath as fair as I understand the term.
They have, not that I take it seriously, but I have heard that repeatedly since I was a child from relatives and strangers alike. Someone who read my early work also said ‘That looks like it was written by a psychopath.’ (Whatever that means). I think it’s not precise but something about how I perceive emotion and human interaction, as it were, is definitely way off.

The family doctor who literally delivered me also tentatively agreed that I might be one, so who knows.



My mother is a Scorpio, she’s the most over-emotional person I know.
My late mother was. Exhausting to listen to her list of grievances & grudges. Younger sister (Scorpio) is the exact same way.



That elusive hide-and-seek cow is at it again
hm.
I type that as I consider getting knee- or neck-deep into this topic from work. Procrastination is a factor, of course, so this reply may or may not become an expansive waste of time.


TLDR (assuming I add more): If someone can speak to their issues with whatever, well cool. I can accept it. If not, and they just blow it off then that gets under my skin. Or it can.

I'm being kind of vague I think. That may be intentional as I'm not sure how to pointedly express these thoughts. Partly, that may be because I've never really thought about it. Mostly, it's a reactive experience and of the moment.

It bothers me when someone is dismissive of something I love (be it movies, music, art, a rotting chunk of wood, whatever) on a superficial level. I mean, I usually judge things with a relative kind of view. Like, what was the aim? Was it too high? Then maybe that effort is worthy of praise. Was it by the numbers and just satisfactory? That might get a lower opinion from me. If a movie reaches me on such a level that I "love" it or that it stirs some weird deep well of emotion within me, then obviously I'd want to share ...experience(?) with others. Hopefully that gets shared with others that I actually care about. More, I suppose I mean others that I can trust to not ignorantly brush off whatever I'm trying to bring their attention to. Worst case, I can be OK to share a movie experience with anonymous like-minded individuals in a forum. *cough*. In a perfect world, if someone does not pick up on the vibe I seem to be sensitive to, then that someone would at least be able to recognize that vibe, critique their viewing experience, and provide some logical reason for NOT feeling whatever it was that I felt. That's cool. Respectable. If, however, that someone just throws out a, "Well that sucked!" and nothing more, then yeah. I'd probably leave nails under their tires one day long into the future to help blur motive.

If someone can at least give it the respect I feel it deserves, then that's all I can really ask. I don't ask that of others very often though as I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. And I don't want to put that out to the universe and be left hanging. Especially by someone I assumed would pick up what I'm offering. Huh. Thinking on this topic, I'm pretty sure I've done exactly this to a friend recently with a viewing of Parasite. I completely see and appreciate the reality that I'm probably a hypocrite in this!

Anyway.

I've posted two replies in this forum over the years, with the second basically a repeat of the first. I just forgot I had already shared the story. I won't repeat it a third time, but I'll reference it again! I fell in love with Dune way back in like 4th or 5th grade. Years later, I was with dad and his family looking for movies to rent. I pushed Dune. I knew he would respect it. At that time I was probably 14. He was the only one that stayed up to finish it. I knew he was as absorbed as I was. I knew he was seeing words within words, as I did. when the movie ended and the credits started to roll, he turned to me, paused, and guffawed out a sarcastic, "Giant space worms!?" or something as mocking. My heart was broken lol. You can find the full story somewhere buried here in a MOFO thread if you want the director's cut.

Needless to say, that firmly sealed shut a door that I was hopeful would be opened. To share something with "dad" in an agreed upon respect. Right. Don't get me wrong lol. There were some pretty major issues already wedged between us at that time. His reaction to that movie just put an end to me making any more efforts on that front.

So, yeah. Movies can trigger some deep **** in me. I don't expect others to be as drawn in on the notes that I catch. Would be nice though.

To the OP, I'm note sure I've been turned off from a movie by someone else stating some superficial observation such as the hair styling. I have caught observations like that, myself, and while I do cringe when those scenes appear, I don't think that awareness ruins the movie for me. An example I can think of is in The Matrix when Cypher mentions the "...image translators FOR the construct." to Neo. I HATE that he stressed the word "for" instead of "the construct." It changes the whole logic of that sentence (side note, I've made this complaint more than once in these forums too). My point, there, is that even with that annoying line, I can forgive it for the sake of the movie and what it was for sci-fi overall at the time of its release. I'm OK with it. I'm come to peace with it.

Too bad I can't as easily forgive and find peace with "friends."
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- Joel

"Ever try to forcibly pin down a house cat? It's not easy."
- Captain Steel



It bothers me when someone is dismissive of something I love (be it movies, music, art, a rotting chunk of wood, whatever) on a superficial level. I mean, I usually judge things with a relative kind of view. Like, what was the aim? Was it too high? Then maybe that effort is worthy of praise. Was it by the numbers and just satisfactory? That might get a lower opinion from me. If a movie reaches me on such a level that I "love" it or that it stirs some weird deep well of emotion within me, then obviously I'd want to share ...experience(?) with others. Hopefully that gets shared with others that I actually care about. More, I suppose I mean others that I can trust to not ignorantly brush off whatever I'm trying to bring their attention to. Worst case, I can be OK to share a movie experience with anonymous like-minded individuals in a forum. *cough*. In a perfect world, if someone does not pick up on the vibe I seem to be sensitive to, then that someone would at least be able to recognize that vibe, critique their viewing experience, and provide some logical reason for NOT feeling whatever it was that I felt. That's cool. Respectable. If, however, that someone just throws out a, "Well that sucked!" and nothing more, then yeah. I'd probably leave nails under their tires one day long into the future to help blur motive.

If someone can at least give it the respect I feel it deserves, then that's all I can really ask. I don't ask that of others very often though as I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. And I don't want to put that out to the universe and be left hanging. Especially by someone I assumed would pick up what I'm offering. Huh. Thinking on this topic, I'm pretty sure I've done exactly this to a friend recently with a viewing of Parasite. I completely see and appreciate the reality that I'm probably a hypocrite in this!

Anyway.

I've posted two replies in this forum over the years, with the second basically a repeat of the first. I just forgot I had already shared the story. I won't repeat it a third time, but I'll reference it again! I fell in love with Dune way back in like 4th or 5th grade. Years later, I was with dad and his family looking for movies to rent. I pushed Dune. I knew he would respect it. At that time I was probably 14. He was the only one that stayed up to finish it. I knew he was as absorbed as I was. I knew he was seeing words within words, as I did. when the movie ended and the credits started to roll, he turned to me, paused, and guffawed out a sarcastic, "Giant space worms!?" or something as mocking. My heart was broken lol. You can find the full story somewhere buried here in a MOFO thread if you want the director's cut.

Needless to say, that firmly sealed shut a door that I was hopeful would be opened. To share something with "dad" in an agreed upon respect. Right. Don't get me wrong lol. There were some pretty major issues already wedged between us at that time. His reaction to that movie just put an end to me making any more efforts on that front.
Jokes aside, I will try to find this story here if I get to grips with the search function. That sounds very similar to the experience I was describing. Luckily, the person involved is not a close friend and I wouldn't necessarily care if our relationship was affected.

I wonder if your dad meant it to be condescending/insulting or if it was what he would describe as giving his 'honest' opinion? I guess he did at least stay up, although I do get in some cases it might be better if people just leave and not finish watching. But I think it can easily happen when there are no issues between the two parties as well. My dad does this a lot too, though he generally appreciates film.
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And then there were none.



That elusive hide-and-seek cow is at it again
Jokes aside, I will try to find this story here if I get to grips with the search function. That sounds very similar to the experience I was describing. Luckily, the person involved is not a close friend and I wouldn't necessarily care if our relationship was affected.

I wonder if your dad meant it to be condescending/insulting or if it was what he would describe as giving his 'honest' opinion? I guess he did at least stay up, although I do get in some cases it might be better if people just leave and not finish watching. But I think it can easily happen when there are no issues between the two parties as well. My dad does this a lot too, though he generally appreciates film.
lol.
No. My dad is a smart ass. Not very deep. Not openly, at least. I'm sure he stuck it out for the sunken cost of it all. I was too young to know better. I was coming into my own self-awareness (particularly with movies) at that time. I assumed dad had already come to his adult awakening, so to speak. That's just not him. I know that now. at 14 or whenever, I just didn't. It's more now just a funny story to tell. Not often, of course, as I think only movie geeks would appreciate it. More specifically, sci-fi geeks. More MORE specifically, Dune geeks?



In that case, yeah, I would have rather he just gone to bed when the stepmom did. I would have happily finished it on my own.

To your comment about this happening between two when there are no issues between them, I agree. I referred to that in my earlier post after thinking more on the topic. I did the very thing to a friend when watching Parasite. To the friend, this movie had easily become #1 on their list. Nothing but praise and was so eager to share just knowing I would react the same. I did not. A fault that I inherited from my father is my means of using humor as a bridge/distraction/coping mechanism/emotional crutch(?), and I callously applied exactly what he did to me after watching Dune, to my friend after watching Parasite.

Like my own need for my father's affirmation (and probably some deeper sense of acceptance?), my friend needed the same from me after watching Parasite I think. Sadly, I do not think I was aware of that misstep until writing my reply here. So I guess that just goes to show that as sensitive as we all can be, we can just as easily be insensitive to others without even being aware. Even for all the effort we may make to be mindful of it. That's neither here nor there, though. Just added observations to fill this reply a bit more.

No idea how to link a direct post, but this is that thread.

*edit*
I did not knock Parasite. I just didn't love it. I think that was probably as offensive as if I had mocked it. I'm not sure, but probably.

*edit edit*
Like Baby, from the corner of the Kellerman's Resort, Jokes are never aside. Or in the corner.



lol.
No. My dad is a smart ass. Not very deep. Not openly, at least. I'm sure he stuck it out for the sunken cost of it all. I was too young to know better. I was coming into my own self-awareness (particularly with movies) at that time. I assumed dad had already come to his adult awakening, so to speak. That's just not him. I know that now. at 14 or whenever, I just didn't. It's more now just a funny story to tell. Not often, of course, as I think only movie geeks would appreciate it. More specifically, sci-fi geeks. More MORE specifically, Dune geeks?



In that case, yeah, I would have rather he just gone to bed when the stepmom did. I would have happily finished it on my own.

To your comment about this happening between two when there are no issues between them, I agree. I referred to that in my earlier post after thinking more on the topic. I did the very thing to a friend when watching Parasite. To the friend, this movie had easily become #1 on their list. Nothing but praise and was so eager to share just knowing I would react the same. I did not. A fault that I inherited from my father is my means of using humor as a bridge/distraction/coping mechanism/emotional crutch(?), and I callously applied exactly what he did to me after watching Dune, to my friend after watching Parasite.

Like my own need for my father's affirmation (and probably some deeper sense of acceptance?), my friend needed the same from me after watching Parasite I think. Sadly, I do not think I was aware of that misstep until writing my reply here. So I guess that just goes to show that as sensitive as we all can be, we can just as easily be insensitive to others without even being aware. Even for all the effort we may make to be mindful of it. That's neither here nor there, though. Just added observations to fill this reply a bit more.

No idea how to link a direct post, but this is that thread.

*edit*
I did not knock Parasite. I just didn't love it. I think that was probably as offensive as if I had mocked it. I'm not sure, but probably.

*edit edit*
Like Baby, from the corner of the Kellerman's Resort, Jokes are never aside. Or in the corner.
I've just read the raw version of the story, and bloody hell, that is, indeed, brutal. Very much the sentiment I had in mind when I started this thread. Makes you wonder how sensible in terms of one's own mental health it is to attempt these things in the first place.

I get your point about 'Parasite'. Not sure you 'not loving' it would feel as insulting to your friend, but you're right, of course, we can't safeguard ourselves against being insensitive. Still think it's a horrible thing to experience in adolescence. If anything, reading your 'Dune' horror story made me glad all my experiences of that sort occurred when I was an adult.

In the cases when I feel my reaction to a film or experience could be perceived as equally hurtful, I mostly make an effort to keep silent. That, I guess, creates the impression that I didn't care/couldn't be bothered to even comment, which is also not ideal. A tough one, basically. This might be excruciatingly banal, but I think these are the deal-breakers in any relationship - you just can't fake loving 'Dune' if you don't and the other person will be sure to see through that. Some might even find it more insulting if you tried (as I'm writing this, it reminds me of 'Lobster' and the Heartless Woman, who I always find myself sympathising with when the protagnist blatantly bull****s her that they are alike). My father has attempted that a few times over the years, didn't touch me personally but was amusing to watch how he tries to find something to point out that he liked in the film, from an academic perspective. Once my dad talks camera angles, that's bad news...

But then again (I'm also making a kind of general comment that's not particularly relevant to anything above), my mother is the kind of person who will use the experession, 'Yeah, it's not bad'/'It's alright' to show her deepest appreciation, which takes a lifetime of knowing her to get used to. Outsiders naturally think she didn't really like something/is being polite when she says that, but that's just the sort of thing she says when she means to be genuinely positive about a film. Very bizarre as she's otherwise an over-emotional being if there ever was one...

So that's that, not sure what that's got to do with anything. Some people also have reactions which are impossible to gauge, but that I find quite interesting and almost a better alternative. I remember watching one of the earliest Craig Bond films with a childhood friend I didn't know that well by then, and he spent the entire two-hour in dead silence. No smiles, no looking at me, nothing. I felt at the time that it stemmed from genuine respect for the film and being well-brought up in that way, as in, no eating, no noise when we're watching something. But at the same time, it is by nature a shared experience, so his complete lack of any kind of comment/contact stood out.

Years later, though, I begin to think what he did was the best thing you can do during a viewing. Definitely the safest bet if the two of you did decide to embark on the experience together.



That elusive hide-and-seek cow is at it again
In all outsiders' defense, I over think things. Obsessively so. So much that I've usually played out the complete conversation in my head before it happens, plus maybe 10 or more variations. Just in case. Of course I'm generalizing and exaggerating, but I like to troubleshoot problems and enjoy chasing all of the options through some thing. I end up doing that with people a lot, but in a slightly different way maybe. I can project. I've used this analogy here once or twice, but it's like with a pet dog. They tilt their head to look up. I wonder what secrets of the universe the dog must be considering? What memory are they recalling? I wonder in awe. Unfortunately, the dog is most likely thinking, "Ass itch. Must drag on carpet."

I think we all probably do that with friends and family in one way or another. I mean the projecting part. Not dragging our asses on their carpets. We read into the gaps more than what we should, and pack those empty little spaces with whatever we would prefer to see in them. Justified or not. I do, at least. I totally did with my dad in that story with Dune. Sure, I've exaggerated for humor and the sake of the story, but I did actually lift up the moment as some potential symbolic thing. I think that's my fault more than my father's for not catching that particular ball to toss back at me. I expected something of him that just wasn't in his personality. But it's hard not to project such things. Ya know?



I mostly go alone to films. I don't have a big friend group and my friends aren't as rabid about movies as I have been. I live alone so I am used to watching films alone. (unless you count my kitties...by the way I am not a crazy cat lady. Crazy yes but I only have two cats and I feel you must have at least three to be a crazy cat lady.)
Maybe you are not a psychopath but are an empath and that is why other peoples comments are so disturbing to you.
I have to say I myself have consider the hair of the actors. I often imagine the set and the hair dresser combing the hair to get it back in place between takes. I wish I had gone into the movies as a profession and so dwell on the making of the film. Whether I am responding to the editing or the direction more. Did the director say "give your co-star some sideeye in this scene" or did the actor make that call.
You would probably go mad if I chatted during a film with you.



....by the way I am not a crazy cat lady. Crazy yes but I only have two cats and I feel you must have at least three to be a crazy cat lady.
This must be me then.



How many kitties do you have?



How many kitties do you have?
Two inside, females. About 7 or so outside (and counting) that we feed & get fixed. It’s crazy.



That elusive hide-and-seek cow is at it again
I have four yard cats that I claim. Randomly, a fifth shows up for food and will hang out for a day or three before wandering off or back home. I've also seen a sixth lurk up for breakfast after I've left the driveway for work. Not as often though. I'm a guy. Am I a crazy cat lady still?


=\


These cats are still wild for the most part. I've caught them each and had them fixed, but that was an exhausting task.



I have four yard cats that I claim. Randomly, a fifth shows up for food and will hang out for a day or three before wandering off or back home. I've also seen a sixth lurk up for breakfast after I've left the driveway for work. Not as often though. I'm a guy. Am I a crazy cat lady still?


=\


These cats are still wild for the most part. I've caught them each and had them fixed, but that was an exhausting task.
It’s so nice you to do this. So many people feed stray cats & don’t have them fixed. Drives me nuts.

I know how exhausting this is: our nearest cat shelter’s “cat whisperer” who has always helped us trap our cats has retired & I have no idea what we will do in the future. Will have to deal with this as it takes place, I guess.

So many cats over the years.



That elusive hide-and-seek cow is at it again
Tuna fish in the back of a latch door pet taxi


That worked for 3 and they were pretty chill about it. The fourth was cunning and too smart and/or paranoid to be caught the same way. For her, I had to place a leash ring around a pile of cat food like a snare. Once she started eating I ever-so-slowly raised the snare up and over then pulled to tighten. Cat went berserk =\


I'm not kidding to compare the experience to reeling in a large mouth bass from a creek, all jumping and flailing, spinning mid-air cartwheels with all claws out. She exhausted herself. Tried to murder me. Even then I had to wrap a towel over her to maneuver her into the cage.


Good luck!!