Do you often feel nostalgic?

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"This is that human freedom, which all boast that they possess, and which consists solely in the fact, that men are conscious of their own desire, but are ignorant of the causes whereby that desire has been determined." -Baruch Spinoza



Yep, people will sometimes hear a story and years later act like it happened to them. And it's not always dishonest, sometimes they really think it did. Usually nothing quite that dramatic, of course, that probably speaks to something deeper/more troubling.

There are a few things from my childhood where, even now, I am genuinely not sure if it happened to me, or if I observed one of my siblings saying/doing it. We routinely have different memories about who said some funny line that we all still quote. But then, I have a lot of siblings, so maybe that makes it trickier.
This is a great point as I never got the feeling my friend was out to deceive, (impress maybe, along the lines of a tall-tale-teller, but not deceive). It seemed like he actually processed these stories others told him & stored them in his mind as memories.

On several occasions when I called him out and literally proved his claim didn't happen to him, he appeared hurt. Not like someone caught in a lie, but like someone being told that they lacked credibility because their memory is false.

So I never got the impression that he did this on purpose or was intentionally attempting to lie. That's probably why the group who knew about this trait viewed it more as an eccentricity where as if it was thought as compulsive lying, it would have been viewed less favorably.



I actually have a specific story relating to this I can share.

Years ago I was playing a board game, a word guessing kind of game, with some friends. Me and my teammate had a particularly good turn and, to my memory, we had some discussion afterwards about how we could've done this and it might've resulted in this even better turn. Or it might've been a completely fictional turn we might've taken in some other context. Something like that.

Months later, when we were talking to some other people in this little online voice chat thing, he referenced this hypothetical as if it had actually happened. "Remember that great turn we had, where we got six words with one hint?"

I should add, this is a very smart man. One of the smartest men I know. A capable lawyer, tremendous chess player, all sorts of other intellectual credentials I could list. But my memory, which I'm about 75-80% sure of, is that he's remembering a thing that did not happen. He's mentioned it several other times since and I have never contradicted him, in part because I don't think we'd be able to resolve it (not that he'd be mad at the suggestion or anything).

The fact that I'm "only" 75-80% sure I'm right speaks to the nature of the problem, too.



This is a great point as I never got the feeling my friend was out to deceive, (impress maybe, along the lines of a tall-tale-teller, but not deceive). It seemed like he actually processed these stories others told him & stored them in his mind as memories.
Yeah, it gets thorny when it's a really big thing. Not remembering which person in your family said or did something (particularly if you were all kids) is one thing. Misremembering whether you visited an entire country (and not in a "oh we went through Europe and passed through X" way) is something else, so I can kind of understand why that would be disturbing. Everyone is susceptible to some degree, but I don't think everyone is susceptible to that level of self-deception, and it would be hard for me to witness that level of self-deception without it influencing my overall opinion of the person and their trustworthiness.

One really important part of this is the reinforcement of the false relaying. If someone contradicts you immediately, that's one thing. If you're telling people who have no way of knowing if it's true, and you tell people for awhile, the mere act of saying it happened to you without being contradicted makes the false memory stronger.



Yes, it is observably true in many anecdotal cases. People remember playing such-and-such game with their family and it hadn't even come out yet
Interesting. I remember playing with toy soldiers that I perhaps never ever had. I also had a memory of throwing one of the soldiers behind a wardrobe. Years later, during renovation, when they pulled off the wardrobe, I was sure to find the soldier there. But it wasn't there. The soldier toys might've been from my dream, a movie I watched, or an actual memory when I was very little, meaning I might've had them, and maybe one of them really was behind the wardrobe for some time but it was taken from there long before and nobody else remembered.

I also have a childhood memory where I would jump up and it would take a considerable moment before I landed back on the ground. A second, at least. I also had a similar sensation when I walked really, really fast. It felt like I was flying. I had asked my mom and she had a similar memory from when she was a kid.
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Preserving the sanctity of cinema. Subtitles preferred, mainstream dismissed, and always in search of yet another film you have never heard of. I speak fluent French New Wave.



I really wanna dig into that but it's the kind of statement nobody can reply to without breaking the rules, so I guess I won't/can't.

If anybody fancies a private conversation about metaphysics and ethics feel free to hit me up someday.



Being good is a reward in and of itself.
Yes, that's why I mentioned the concept in Ground Hog Day.
Understanding this is similar to the concept of reaching enlightenment.
"Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water."
You do the same things over and over whether you're enlightened or not - the difference is how you think & feel about what your doing; the spirit in which you do them, that makes all the difference in the world. And within the power of changing perspective lies the potential for true freedom. (Or something like that!)

But for some, goodness & compassion are seen as a weakness to be exploited.
There's a reason the expression exists: nice guys finish last.



But for some, goodness & compassion are seen as a weakness to be exploited.
There's a reason the expression exists: nice guys finish last.

I think it is possible to be both good and not a total dupe. It might be a fine line, but it's there.


Also, it's important to mention that if you're not in a race, you can't finish last. Like me. I'm just standing here as everyone leaves me in the dust, mostly laughing at how silly everyone looks when they run. Not able figure out why everyone is so eager to run out of breath to get to these things that don't matter in the slightest.



I'm still not sure what to make of this one: back in the 80's I had a girlfriend named Patricia. She liked to go by "Pat". I called her "Patty" which she didn't like, but I explained I felt that "Pat" sounded too ambiguous.

So, I have this specific memory that every time we had this conversation (which was often, since I had to call her something) she would then imitate this SNL skit (and subsequent movie called "It's Pat"). She would do the voice of the "Pat" character and everything. I have memories of her doing the impression in private with me and even doing it for others where we worked whenever the topic of her name came up.

For those who don't remember, the running joke of the skit was that "Pat" was sexually androgynous and no one could figure out if he/she was male or female. Pat would often refer to her equally-ambiguous significant other: "Chris".

So one day (in recent times) I was curious who had played "Pat" on SNL and in the movie. The lady who played Pat was a lesser-known Not Ready for Prime Time Player named Julia Sweeney (no wonder I couldn't remember as her name still doesn't sound familiar).

Here's the problem: the character didn't appear until 1990 - this is about 3 years after I broke up with my Pat.

So why do I have the specific memory of her doing the character from SNL (and a movie) whenever we had a discussion about her name before said character even existed?

This one's really driving me crazy because I remember her doing the character & talking about the character on SEVERAL occasions.

P.S. The only explanation I can come up with is that I did speak to her a couple times almost a decade after we broke up - and it's possible she made the reference then, and I'm just switching the timeframe around.



Maybe she came up with and then pitched the sketch to the producers.



Please Quote/Tag Or I'll Miss Your Responses
Why do so many people feel nostalgic about the chemistry between different characters in film and places they've never been to.

I think it's because we pick and choose the best stuff without having to endure the negative aspects of this vicariousness. Our imaginations have moments of fun thinking about the possibilities, and of course we can also edit on our feet/head.



Trouble with a capital "T"
I've found that being caring, compassionate, sympathetic and generous tends to attract people into your life who are "takers", ne'er do-wells, moochers, grubbers, grifters, dependents and needy (who are always looking for a favor, or time, or money, but who rarely are able to give any of these things in return - not that you're looking for their time, while they are always looking to suck up yours like an emotional vampire)...
Captain, this is so you!

Remember The Rules of Acquisition



Captain, this is so you!

Remember The Rules of Acquisition
I didn't even know Odo and Kira ever "got together"!

Despite all I've said, I won't ever stop doing good deeds.
After all I'm a phila... philan.. phil.. yes.. *ahem*... a good deed doer!



For me nostalgia is an autumnal vibe, with images of like bare tree branches against a cloudy sky, and birds cawing menacingly, and Baroque adagio music, and thinking wistfully of those times when i'd have a female friend before puberty hit, and those kinds of things, i feel it about 5 times a day.



You ready? You look ready.
Re being nice: I opt for the give someone the rope and if they are dead set on making the deadly knot thatís on them.

I did get bullied into giving a guy a $20 one time because I was a country ****ing rube (and it wasnít my money). I donít carry cash anymore because of that. Baltimore is a great city if youíre hungry!

man iím feeling nostalgic now



P.S. The only explanation I can come up with is that I did speak to her a couple times almost a decade after we broke up - and it's possible she made the reference then, and I'm just switching the timeframe around.

Most likely this. Generally our brains (and certainly my brain) are pretty bad at keeping things in order of how they actually happened.



Trouble with a capital "T"
So, I have this specific memory that every time we had this conversation (which was often, since I had to call her something) she would then imitate this SNL skit (and subsequent movie called "It's Pat"). She would do the voice of the "Pat" character and everything. I have memories of her doing the impression in private with me and even doing it for others where we worked whenever the topic of her name came up.
Knowing that you think about cross universe movie and comic book characters interacting in unique ways, makes me think that sometime after you broke up with Pat, you were thinking about her and randomly remembering the Pat episodes from SNL... Oh, Julia Sweeney was a cutey! I always liked her on SNL.

BTW, I thought you despised starting sentences with so? So what happened



Knowing that you think about cross universe movie and comic book characters interacting in unique ways, makes me think that sometime after you broke up with Pat, you were thinking about her and randomly remembering the Pat episodes from SNL... Oh, Julia Sweeney was a cutey! I always liked her on SNL.

BTW, I thought you despised starting sentences with so? So what happened
I didn't mean to continue talking about this, but the narrative I created in my mind (apparently) surrounding this alleged memory has actually become part of my nostalgia.

In my memory, Pat going into an imitation of the skit was kind of changing the subject from one that could have potentially turned contentious to something silly. So I remember it very fondly because it's a funny memory from my time with her.

I'm sad that it apparently didn't happen the way I remember it. The dates don't lie.

P.S. Check my usage of "so" (and let me know if I've broken my own rules). I use it for thus, thusly, therefore, getting to the crux of the matter, in conclusion... or where previous sentences have set up a preface or have been building to a conclusion. Also, used for "muchly" or "very"; as in, "It's SO windy out today."