The Joke Thread

Also, I always thought the joke was.

A seal walks into a club.

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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

A tall Mexican walks into a bar...................."OWWW!!!!"

My mom's ex-boyfriend was a lakota sioux indian... he told me this joke was popular on the res.

Two indians and a white guy are walking through the woods. As they round a bend and see this HUGE cave and suddenly, the two indian guys start goin at eachother. the larger of the two gets the better of his mate and bolts toward the cave. At the mouth of the cave he calls in "Whooo whooo." From within the cave he hears a voice call back "whooo whooo." The man starts tearing off his clothes and runs inside.

The white guy looks at the other indian puzzled. "What the hell was that all about? Here i thought you guys were friends... and sane!"

"Wouldn't expect you to know. These caves have women hiding in them in the summer. If you call into the cave 'Whoooo whooo' and they answer back 'whooo whooo' then they are ready for you."

The white man was astonished and elated, "What a country!" the two continued walking, chatting nonchalantly. Seemingly for no reason, the indian man punches him hard in the face, knocking the white guy down. As he regains his wits, he see the indian man running toward a cave.... this one even BIGGER than the one from before! He calls in "whoooo whoooo" and waits. Then he hears, real low and faint, a womans voice calling back "whooo whooo." Into the cave he goes, tearing off all of his clothes.

The white man sees this as his chance to get a cave himself. For hours he wanders the woods, until he sees it... the biggest cave yet, MONSTROUS if you would. He approaches the mouth of the cave and confidantly calls "WHOOO WHOOO." He hears nothing. Again he tries, louder still "WHOOO WHOOO!" He waits.

Then, he hears it. Faint at first but getting louder, as if she were coming to meet him! he tears off his clothes and rushes into the cave...

The next day, the headlines read: "Crazy naked white man gets struck by train."

*hope you guys enjoy*

Dumb white man

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Buddha

A month before his wife died, the husband covered her back in grease... She went downhill very quickly after that.

how do mexicans take a family portrait?

they throw all 14 kids into the back of the truck
run a red light and w8 for the picture in the mail

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Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers?
A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

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"Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."
Maxine Taurus

This guy totally cracks me up!!

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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons.....for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

One more for the road.......

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription."

A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say, Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted...

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100 Favourites From The Future: REWIRED

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?

It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

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~In the event of a Zombie Uprising, remember to sever the head or destroy the brain!~

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...ms-pupils.html

Husband: Will u marry , after i die . -Wife : No i wiil live with my sister. -Wife : Will u marry , after i die. -Husband: No i will also live with ur sister.

What was Camelot Famous for?

Its knight life.



What do you call a man who works in a perfume shop at Christmas?

Frank in Scents.




What can you hold without using your hands?

Your Breath

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Girl walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

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Comment is free but facts are sacred

I'd like to share with you all my experience with Jesus.

Jesus came into my life a couple of years ago, when I finally accepted him.

Since then, my life has been much better.

When I'm sad, Jesus comforts me. When I'm happy, Jesus shares my joy. Jesus is always there for me. He's never too busy, or too tired, to guide and protect me.

My life was horrible until I found Jesus, and I'm thankful every day since that Jesus entered my life.


Damn, I hope he doesn't get deported. The lawn would be a disaster without him.

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"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and like it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway