MoFo Therapy

MoFo Therapy

Come in here if you've got a problem you need worked out.

One of our therapists will help you.

Need extra attention? There's the MoFo Support Group.

I'm unhappy with life.
What should I do?

What do you think you should do? What do you feel would make you happier?

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

@Sexy Celebrity..I grabbed that quote randomly and it fit perfectly!

I just quit my job.
I feel very relieved internally, but sense everyone outside me (former co-workers, family, etc.) hating me for abandonimg ship as it were and making their horrible jobs ever more difficult, envious, or viewing me as an impulsive malcontent who is too lazy or can never fit in or go along.

The bizarre thing is I'm a very tolerant person, very compassionate (in real life anyway), very hard working, yet I always seem to find myself in extremely aberrant working situations that could scarcely be believed if I were to recite all the details. And I always ask, is it just my perception of the situation? (which I don't think a lot of people do - always look to themselves, their attitudes or behaviors as the most likely source of their problems.)

Yet when I tell other people about what's happening to me, they can't believe it - which tells me these things are not just regular or common situations that most everyone has to deal with in their work lives. This isn't just with the recent situation, but seems a pattern for my entire life (and it's not like I'm just negative, because I can acknowledge the several good jobs I've had, exceptional bosses I've had, well-run companies to work for and wonderful co-workers I've met among the apparent desperate psychotic people I seem to attract.)

@Captain Steel...my advice? Meditations

Hi @Captain Steel.

You and I have talked a lot over time and I find you a very interesting person.

Jesus.... this therapy thing is harder than I thought.

Well, I think it's good that you are noticing patterns in your life.

I'm bothered by your quote, "the apparent desperate psychotic people I seem to attract."

Tell me more about these people.

I tend to think people forget this....

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.

Don't feel bad, SC. I started a thread a couple years back (called the MoFo support advice thread or something like that) where I intended to serve as a "Dear Abbey" type resource. Not too much participation and it ended up with me asking others for their advice to my problems or technical issues - a total backfire!

You didn't answer my question, though. I was curious about those desperate psychotic people. If you don't want to talk about them, that's okay.

It's not really applicable to my recent job as that was more about situations than individuals.

But yeah, I have always attracted psychotic people into my life. I use the self-help term of "attracted" as opposed to saying these people just show up or I'm cursed with them (under the assumption that everything in our lives we've somehow "attracted" through our thoughts, attitudes or behavior). It's considered the mature way that comes with "growth" to accept "personal responsibility" for the circumstances of our lives even when they seem unpredictable or random.

I only buy into that to a certain extent. I think many people are subject to illnesses or tragedies due to nothing more than random fate. While, for some others, it sometimes seems obvious that many of their problems are self-created.

So, I don't know why, but I've seemed to have an inordinate amount of troubled, needy, desperate, lonely, disturbed, ill, manipulative, psychotic, and sometimes just plain evil people into my live, who sometimes seem to show up out of nowhere: (happenstance work associations, bosses I've been assigned to work under, friends or new lovers of friends, in-laws, strange "fatal attractions," people who first appear as friends only to find they are narcissists, users, backstabbers or criminals, etc.).

Some might say, "You are naive or overly trusting - that's why you've LET these people in." And that might have been true to a certain extent (although I've always been very analytical & pragmatic), but after so many bad experiences, it's hardly been true for most of my adult life as a result of becoming even more skeptical.

Another theory is that people sense my compassion - to troubled people that's an attraction, but to users with bad intentions or so-called "energy vampires," it's like they have a radar sense for compassion and zero in on it, sensing their next potential victim. i.e. it' the old "nice guys finish last" idiom manifested into life.

I think I began to tell you privately the saga of how I ended up with a very desperate person as a result of his partner (who had been a friend via another friend) dying. It was like I inherited his very troubled & needy partner who wanted me to basically take the place of his deceased spouse.

Perhaps part of the issue is that most of family falls into this category, so I really have no one in my life who is not ill, needy, mentally or emotionally unstable as a starting point. Don't know how that would work to make me "attract" MORE of that into my life, but I will tell you; having additional aberrant people come into my life as an addendum to what I already have with my family never feels like any kind of bonus or reward from the hand of fate.


(End of rant for now!)

@Captain Steel

I think you're used to seeing people as damaged or bad.

I think it's part of your "programming", the way you were brought up, perhaps.

I think you need to open your eyes and start seeing people as good and not damaged.

I think the anxiety and stress of seeing so many people as "damaged" or "bad" in your life..... is probably putting a hindrance on your life and making your life even harder than it needs to be. You predict that more damaged people will probably come into your life, correct? You believe they're attracted to you, like a magnet.

You've got to stop believing you're a magnet for bad people.

Is there anything else you'd like to say?

Do you interpret dreams?

Well, I've been told that I can before. I'm very interested in dreams and I like to study my own. I can try.

Okay. Well I had this dream where I was eating paper dipped in ice cream. Also, I used a fork. What do you think that means, Dr. Celebrity?

What kind of paper was it? Was there anything in particular written on it? What about the ice cream flavor? And why would you use a fork to eat ice cream?

I certainly don't view all people that way - along the path I viewed many people as the kinds I'd WANT in my life. But it seemed that most successful, well-adjusted, positive people weren't interested in adding me into their lives - it was as if they already had the friends they needed who were usually other successful & positive people (perhaps they viewed ME as the desperate or needy person, although I always strived to be independent and learned enjoy my own company so I would never feel desperation that might burden anyone else.) i.e. I'd never pressure anyone or try to manipulate them into being a friend - if it happened, it happened.

I always remember making a friend at this one job and I thought for once I'd reach out and suggest taking the friendship to a different level beyond work - this was a bold idea for me. The guy was married and had a family, but we shared common views, had the same troubles at work, were very compatible and I thought him an excellent person on many levels.

So I suggested getting together on a weekend - no pressure, he could come visit me or I could go visit him, meet his family, etc.

I appreciated his honesty, but I was rejected - and I understood his point completely - his weekends were his family time and time with his at-home friends. He'd have his guy neighbors over to watch football, take his wife to dinner on date-night, go visit him mom on Sunday, etc. He basically said he already had his home friends and rituals that he enjoyed and didn't have room for a new, additional outsider. It may sound harsh, but he was basically saying he already had enough friends - it was fine for us to be friends at work where we didn't have any other really good friends, but he didn't need or have room for more friends in his private life. And I couldn't blame him because I understood such an interesting, smart and good person would most likely be surrounded by others who were the same and have a fine family he had to make time for.

Just a story that occurred to me to show I don't view all people as damaged.

All therapy really is, basically, is just listening to people and letting them talk.

Provide your own insights while listening.

The patients do all the work themselves. People just need somebody to talk to.

They were pieces of white crumpled paper. I think the ice cream was a chocolate/vanilla combo, I remember thinking it looked gross melted together, like diarrhea. But I kept eating it with a fork.

I know what you're thinking, and no I don't have a fetish for poop.