Enjoying the moment

Tools    





Hey everyone,
I think somewhere along the troubled path that my life has trod I forgot how to relax and have pure fun. There is no defining moment I can think of that has led me to this pivotal point in my life and I honestly have no real complaints. I own a fairly successful business and I enjoy the work I do, but somehow I find it really hard to enjoy the moment. I am always thinking ahead whether it be work or about my family or any number of other things that seem to invade my present thoughts. I used to be able to escape this by going to the movies, but lately I find it hard to sit for two hours without thinking I should be doing something else or staying late at work. I do not think of myself as a workaholic, but I have been called such by others. The thing is however I work about 60 hours a week at my shop, and any of you that has owned their own business knows that that is not a lot at all. I have started to take the weekends off, but the problem is I find it hard to keep myself occupied mentally. I love spending time with my kids and my girlfriend, but lately I have a very intense focusing problem. Could it be a middle age crisis? I am by no means unhappy; I want to take a vacation, but not in this frame of mind it would be a waste I think. Anyway the point of this post is to ask for advice on my dilemma. “What do I have to do to truly enjoy myself in the present?” Thanks for any responses.
__________________
“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton



I’m not very good with advice, but I have had a similar problem... for a time, I worked at least 80 hours a week and sometimes more… when I wasn’t there, I was constantly thinking about what I needed to do when I did get there… and like you, had a problem focusing on anything else… I didn’t really realize any of this until I got so sick I was forced to miss work for a week… and almost climbed the walls… which made me take a good long look at what I was doing and ask myself why… I came up with several answers… but the main one was that I was not happy at the time… so I had to figure out what was making me so unhappy and ended up concluding part of the problem was grief… I had lost several people earlier who were very close to me and was using work as a means to keep from dealing with it… the funny thing is that after I realized that, I thought about what they would have wanted me to do and knew it wouldn’t be what I had been doing and it helped me let them go… I guess what I am trying to say is that, regardless to your frame of mind now, a vacation might be just the thing you need to take a good long look inside and figure out what’s going on… Good luck...
__________________
You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough.
~William Blake ~

AiSv Nv wa do hi ya do...
(Walk in Peace)




Originally Posted by 7thson
“What do I have to do to truly enjoy myself in the present?”
Masturbation and rubber duckies usually do the trick.

That's what I've heard anyway.
__________________
"Today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."



You pretty much described me, 7thson. I can completely relate; I've had a lot of those same problems, and had a lot of that same thinking go through my head.

Sadly, I haven't yet figured it out, either, but I do know that humans are creatures of habit, and if you force yourself to detach enough, it'll eventually become easier to do so. I do not think it is a particularly bad thing to be thinking often about your future and your business, though. It can be stressful, yes, but I'd rather err in that direction than in the other.

You know, I think some people, once they've had kids, just can't have "pure" fun the way they used to. If you have children, and are a responsible parent, odds are you're going to have them in the back of your head at all times. This doesn't mean you can't have a good time, of course, but I do think it means that you can't completely let go (mentally) the way you might have done before. Maybe that's just the sacrifice that being a parent entails.

Either way, I imagine that simply forcing yourself to focus on other things (for example: go somewhere where you are actually unable to do any work...if you eliminate the possibility, it should be easier to relax) would help you strike a greater balance between responsible worry, and needless worry.



Originally Posted by LordSlaytan
Masturbation and rubber duckies usually do the trick.

That's what I've heard anyway.
Well they do go hand in hand.


Also thanks for responses Cait and Yoda, I am making myself turn off my cell phone this weekend and probably gonna take the kids to the beach. I may not be able to focus totally on the moment but I am gonna give it a try. Thanks again.



I think thats its wonderful that you still make time for your family, despite your own problems.
Its doubtful to say that your alone in these feelings, and doubtful that us MoFo's are the only ones struggling. As a people we put so much importance into personal success, so much that we become blinded to its true meaning, which is why we are all still seeking it. It is this quest that causes us to re-evaluate our lot in life, i.e., where we are, how we got there, and where were headed. All of this crap really puts a hindrance on the life enjoyment factor. Am i rambling?
Call it the hippiein me, but may i suggest total seclusion? Every summer i am out backpacking. Many of the days i spend of the trail are with close friends, days we spend arguing over the pronounciation of final fantasy names, or talking about women. But i make definite time for myself, too. I went out for a week once on my own just last summer, and according to my expierence, there is nothing else better at really helping to get your priorities straight.
Im not gonna lie to you though, at first its a real fight with your thoughts. Eventually, your mind really just starts turning off, and you start thinking with your heart.
Yeah, its a little sappy, but it works for me. I hope you find peace!



Remember the dead and broken.

I know that you served in the Gulf many years ago and had seen more than your fair share of death and misery. That particular experience can help you immeasurably today if you can take the time and bear the pain to remember it. I read your story about clearing out the building full of dead. I’m sure that there were probably many children within that heap. Think about the children and their parents that were never given a chance at a meaningful life because of where they were born. All that suffering forced upon them by a cruel and heartless dictator that only desired wealth and notoriety. Whether you believe in pure chance or God is irrelevant, because the fact is that you have been afforded a life where you can achieve much more than pure survival; you have the ability to live a rewarding and meaningful life. What’s more rewarding than happiness? Although riches are a plus in the American way of life, they are certainly not a necessity. Even the most destitute and ignorant American can find mere survival easy to grasp. Since survival is so easy to attain in our world, we can more readily focus on the more pleasurable aspects of our humanity. Your children, girlfriend, and her children should become your primary focus. Try putting your business into second place as far as your priorities go. Take a trip with your family. Make an effort to connect with your children by learning where their primary interests and strengths belong. Work your business so it does well, but don’t make it your life, because it will never love you. If you ever have trouble understanding what’s important in your life, remember the dead and broken, and feel humility and gratefulness because you could have been born somewhere other than where you were.

Of course…I could be an idiot.



My life isn't written very well.
Perhaps I'm totally off-key here but I think that success brings with it something that is not pleasurable. Obviously your business is a success or else you wouldn't be working 60 hours a week. Your personal life is a success, bar any normal relationship troubles, because you're not only able to concentrate on a girlfriend but two children as well. No, I think success and the pleasure of succeeding gets overhauled, under-appreciated due to the fact that we want to generate a constant feeling of pride among the world around us. We often forget that as individuals we are only motivated by success, even though we may already be successful. If I were to give any advice on this matter, I would say try, try to realize that your happiness lays in your ability to truly understand that you are in fact happy. Some people have a hard time understanding that they are really happy because failure seems to loom so close from behind.

If you were to concentrate on how your feeling when you're happy, you might not get distracted by those thoughts that you're not happy. For instance, if going to a movie makes you happy, then realize you're happy and enjoy it! Ignore those thoughts that say "This client at work is really hard to please, how can I please them?" Truth is, those clients are not easily pleased, and will borrow any positiveness you may have and use it against you.

Let me ask you this 7thson: When was the last time you felt free to be happy doing what you were doing? The answer is only a mind-tweak away from repeating the feeling and moving on to the next one.

One more thing: If I were to say that alot of the regulars here care ALOT about you, and you have brought up a topic that affects all of us, and we want you to enjoy the moment, if not just briefly, how do you respond mentally by our eagerness to make you a least have a moment of pure understanding?
__________________
I have been formatted to fit this screen.

r66-The member who always asks WHY?



go out at a designated time (break or lunch) and just walk around...sit and marvel at people...do some window shopping..read a book...even for a few minutes..i go for a 2 mile walk at lunch because it wakes me up and i need to get out of the office....



Thanks to all who have replied for their advice and concern. I am not sure what the answer to my problem is and I will give alot of thought to the responses given thus far. Lately I have been able to throw some old 70's music on and chill out, I actually seem to be able to relax if only for a short time. I want to say that I consider myself very lucky and I know that my problem here is miniscule to what alot of others are going through. I will be taking a trip later this Summer to scatter my fathers ashes in the Desert in Nevada, I bought a convertible recently so I am going to let the top down and just zone out driving there. I also want to mention that I by no means financially stable. The car I just bought is an old 95 camaro that I got for a steal. Yeah I know middle age +convertible is very sterotypical, but hey I always wanted one. I take it day to day and I put everything but enough to get by with back into the buisness. I am very grateful for everything I have and for my family and friends, sometimes I think I am just whining, but hey I also tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I also find it hard to enjoy myself when others around me are not happy so I have to work on that also. Thanks again



Originally Posted by 7thson
Hey everyone,
I think somewhere along the troubled path that my life has trod I forgot how to relax and have pure fun.

I used to be able to escape this by going to the movies, but lately I find it hard to sit for two hours without thinking I should be doing something else or staying late at work.
7thson, just a few things:

Who says that you should be at work or doing something else?

Why aren't you allowed to enjoy yourself?

What does it say about you as a person? does it mean that you are e.g.: lazy, selfish, not motivated.....etc

__________________
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha



Originally Posted by nebbit
7thson, just a few things:

Who says that you should be at work or doing something else?

Why aren't you allowed to enjoy yourself?

What does it say about you as a person? does it mean that you are e.g.: lazy, selfish, not motivated.....etc

Actually I feel lazy sometimes, physically anyway. Selfish, umm no way never that, maybe too much of the opposite. Unmotivated....yeah I think you are right there, I totally feel unmotivated sometimes.
Do people ever really find out who they are? I feel like Im running in circles sometimes and I just cant catch my tail.



Originally Posted by 7thson
Do people ever really find out who they are? I feel like Im running in circles sometimes and I just cant catch my tail.
They do, I am happy with myself at the moment, I think who you are changes with age, time, good, bad experiences and how we cope with all this, thank goodness as I don't like the person I have been at times, I think this is normal.