Oh, we just have to talk about...
Highlander II -
The Quickening
This thing reached ridiculous lows in almost every category. In the first, they establish characters, some of which die, and set up a rich history for the Highlanders that ties into ancient legend. They also establish the clear concept that "There can be only one." By the end of the film, the story has been told, only one Highlander remains, story over...
Or so we thought...
No, dear readers, the Highlanders are actually ALIENS
Alas, they aren't cool aliens like the one's above. No, they are just swordsman from Scotland, I mean, space, and they ride on surfboards that fly and stuff. They wear sunglasses, too, even though there is no sun, because MacLeod made a shield that hides the sun (WHAT.THE.****).
That's OK, though, because luckily, the last highlander..errrr, one of the highlanders can shoot lightning out of his ass, and blow up any buildings that might come after us. The villains henchmen are busy surfing on surfboards tied to strings, and the lone highlander must stand alone against them, because Ramirez (you remember him, don't you pendceccos?) is dead, because MacLeod cut his head off. Oh wait, never mind. He's fine. You just have to yell for him.
We interrupt this film synopsis to talk about our Ozone layer. Immortals care about this. Even immortals that have gotten old, because there aren't any other immortals left, except the time traveling space immortals that haven't shown up yet. So, once all the immortals are dead, and you start getting older, you better take a long hard look at the ozone layer, and pronto.
I mean, after you have taken care of the half-dozen or so immortals on the planet, might as well plunge the entire planet into infinite darkness, because, life doesn't require sun or anything.
Anyway, this old man lurches and putters around until the surfers show up, and then he manages to cleave both of their heads off, because they are busy surfing. Luckily, this causes the old man to blow lightning out his ass and become young and immortal again. This is good, become a pretty smokin' piece of ass shows up, and he wouldn't have been able to handle her advances with the bunions and fallen arches and stuff.
But when they meet...just LOOK OUT
Louise: "Who are you?"
MacLeod: "I'm Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was banished from the Planet Zeist 500 years ago. I cannot die.
Louise: "I'm Louise Marcus from Flagstaff, Arizona."
NOOOOOOOOO, not FLAGSTAFF!!!!!!
Hell, I can't go on..... I am somehow laughing and crying simultaneously.
Man, I have fun shredding these piles of ****.
I guess what irked me the most last time I caught a few minutes of this, was how blatantly and poorly they aped the production design from Blade Runner, a film I consider to be the best piece of sci-fi of all time.