What's Your Pitch?

I stumbled upon this horror movie pitch generator. It's kinda fun to play with. http://www.brunching.com/monsterpitch.html

Here's one it generated for me:

Your Pitch:

Mad Psychotherapist Emil Maddington (Anthony Hopkins) has spent twenty-seven years performing his unethical experiments on the inmates of the Glucose Intolerant Hospital for the Clinically Insane, causing pain, terror and death to all he touched. Then, one Halloween night, his victims rise from the grave to perform some experiments on Dr. Maddington! Together with perky nurse Sally Rand (Kathy Bates) and a mysterious janitor known only as Juan (Johnny Depp), Dr. Maddington must survive a night of horror or face his just desserts! They're dead, and they're crazy! In the chilling new docudrama, Inches to Sanity!

For some reason I actually feel that these actors would fit these characters.

Fun

When Mad Scientist Susan Cordermanson (Angelina Jolie) came upon the truth, even she was stunned. Stonehenge, those mystical, silent stones, were not the astronomical observatory as believed, but in fact were an ancient mechanism to summon an all-powerful creature, the Dragon. Armed with the truth and her trusty servant Ludo (Anthony Hopkins), she entered the sacred circle, made the incantations, and, with a tremendous and earth-shattering rumble, brought the Dragon forth onto the world! But the Dragon wasn't happy to have its slumber disturbed, and it soon took its anger out on poor Ludo by eating him. Susan fled into the nearby village of Champignon, where, with the help of the village elder Servus Snippery (Harrison Ford), she had to make a stand against this horror she had summoned! A horror with one purpose on its terrible mind, to consume her horribly! You won't believe your eyes when you see the amazing new cgi-heavy feature, The Horror! The Horror!!

lol, I wanna see this movie!! The Horror! The Horror!

Kind of spooky that it picked that for me as I used to live near Stonehenge!

That is spooky! weird...

OK!

The Sleepy Little Town of Zeus, Greece has relied on it's fishing industry to sustain it for generations. But when hapless one-armed fisherman Hoggle Earstmas (Joaquin Phoenix) moved his boat into the forbidden cove, he awakened something that would soon come calling. The Giant Squid had been asleep for eons, and now it was hungry, cranky, and heading for Zeus! With the town up in arms, it is up to local travel agent Natalia Ingnomankus (female agent) and her American secretary Randy (Gene Hackman) to stop the Giant Squid from ruining Zeus' tourist appeal for generations! Make your arrangements to catch Summer's End today!

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Eternal Vampire Count Vladisuckus (Bruce Campbell) had it easy for years. The nearby Gildenbilly Home for the Mentally Off-Kilter had a hole in the fence through which one patient would wander at least once a month, giving The Count a solid meal plan to live by. But when the new Scandinavian Janitor Olga Slackihverk (Winona Ryder) finally patches the hole, Vladisuckus' buffet dries up, and he's pissed off. Olga has unknowingly brought the wrath of a Vampire down upon the happy little nut house, and even a shot and steamy shower can't wash away the guilt, no matter how often she scrubs herself with a loofa, or bathes with her transsexual librarian Iggy (Robert Englund). Soon the bodies begin to pile up, all with two neat little holes in the neck! It's terror and madness in the sweaty new thriller, Forever Insane!

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I love that line

50,000 years ago, it came to our world and promptly suck beneath the ocean, asleep for all eternity. But in the new film from acclaimed Canadian director Herb Shallot, Broken Bones, it's slumber is disturbed, and the world could pay the price! Big Dab Hurban (Tony Danza) was a driller who pushed the limits. Always drilling deeper and farther out than anyone had ever drilled before. Then one day, his drilling partner Bethanie Crum (Meryl Streep) announced that their new drill had struck something unusual, and it was surfacing directly under them! Now the crew, led by midget union leader Manny (Verne Troyer), was demanding to evacuate the rig, as the awoken extra-terrestrial laid siege to the platform that had dared disturb it! Will Dab escape? Will Bethanie survive? Will the world be saved?

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OK, I was a little freaked out by the fact that it knew Verne Troyer is a midget. I did not go back and add in that name afterwards.

It lives! It walks! It feeds! The truth behind the world's most elusive legend comes to life in Dark Foot. Clive Owen stars as Dave Pratt, mild-mannered Gloryhole National Forest park ranger, who begins to receive a series of reports that BigFoot has been seen in the forest! Soon the reports grow from mere sightings, to gruesome slayings, and Dave decides to act. Enlisting the help of his trusty American Indian deputy, Santo, (Mads Mikkelsen ), he sets out into the dark and forbidding forest to learn the truth. Along the way, Dave meets the alluring Miss Candi Fellato, (Kate Winslet ), who, they soon learn, has a strange connection with the fearsome beast! It's man against Legend and only one will survive!

...............

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That actually sounds pretty scary! But I have a horrible fear of Big Foot!

What are the odds mine would have a Native American character....

I was thinking that too, but I didn't want to say it in case someone took it the wrong way, lol.

Tsalagi honor I didn't change a thing... ... kinda weird huh....

Demented scientist Igor Vidinsky (Harvey Fierstein) returns to the Sleepy Little Town of Augmentia, Slovakistan fifty years after a top secret scientific experiment went horribly wrong and three triplets were turned into one of the most gruesome creatures from the depths of Hell imaginable. Now his abominable creation has broken free from its decades-long imprisonment and is out for revenge. Now the frail Professor Vidinsky must rely on his teenaged granddaughter (Divine) and the golf course attendant she loves (Dwight Yoakam ) to help him stop the terror before all is lost in the bone-chilling vision of scientific hubris, The Hills Have Pies.

This one's got legs, I tell ya!

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"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how the Tatty 100 is done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." - Brendan Behan

My Pitch:

It has gone on long enough. Mankind's cruelty, their abusive behavior, their strange ways have finally put the wild cows of Padu-Dui National Park, India over the edge. And so they set out on a mission to do one thing and one thing only, destroy humanity. Their path of destruction begins at the gates of the Moamadandhi Mental Institute on the outskirts of the park, and administrator Habuti Asaalla (Hugh Jackman) has no idea of what is about to befall his quiet little psychiatric hospital. But when visiting German psychologist Hergut Frammat (Noah Taylor) is mauled to death by the cows on the Institute's grounds, Habuti is faced with a danger he could never have imagined. Now the cows have infiltrated the building, gutting patients left and right in their attempt to destroy all of humanity. Soon, Habuti is the only thing standing between the cows, and the end of the human race. With the help of a surprisingly agile female missionary Ruth Clamma (Toni Collette) he must defend his hospital, and in doing so, the human race itself in Hedorri Misannuut's touching tale of man vs. cow, Mine Mine!

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

lmao, I never knew cows could be so vicious!

And I could see Divine and Dwight Yoakam together, but Yoakam as a golf attendent, lmao.

Your Pitch:

Created on a scientist's lab table as a genetic cross between a human female and a cow, Dexter Blowboy (Jack Nicholson) is a scientific abomination. But this Christmas, he's a hungry scientific abomination! The only thing that will nourish Dexter, however, are human intestines, and his feeding frenzy brings him to Doc Hamilton's Crazy House! Soon, he's terrorizing the patients, ripping out their intestines and slurping them straight down! When Doctor Patricia Hamilton (Kate Winslet) returns to the crazy house after a night on the town with her foppish boyfriend, Earl (Matt Damon) she discovers mutilated patients and missing intestines and Dexter is still somewhere in the house! The horror knows no bounds in Bob Poodle's shocking new film, Doctor Psycho!

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"You, me, everyone...we are all made of star stuff." - Neil Degrasse Tyson

https://shawnsmovienight.blogspot.com/

They come from Pluto, and they feast on human brains! In the ghoulish sci-fi fest Digest, the Sleepy Little Town of Jaboure, France is the desired feeding grounds of interstellar gluttons. Famous pastry chef Alphonse Mustoun (Vince Vaughn) wants nothing to do with these strange beings, but when they kidnap his beloved fiancé Fifi (Kate Beckinsale ) he is brought into the struggle to save her from becoming galactic pate. The only way to save her is to team up with his arch rival, Restaurant Critic Georges Coulinard (Steve Buscemi) and devise a plan to make all of humanity unpalatable!

Life in the Sleepy Little Town of Hugust, Zaire was perfectly normal, until the pigeons began looking for more than bread crumbs! Circus trainer Miles Glubenstock (Matthew Kassovitz) and his top contortionist Isabella (Franka Potente) hold the key to saving Hugust from the feeding frenzy of these dirty birds! Yet all is not what it seems, and town librarian Gurst (David Bowie) has a few secrets of his own which spell doom for Miles and Isabella and allow the pigeons to continue to feast on their favorite dish, human eye balls! It's gore, gore, gore in the international sensation, Real Monsters!