I just received a hysterical legal threat


Whee. Love this stuff.

So, this guy shows up the other day and posts some weird, press-release sounding thread about some musician. It sounds like he's probably promoting something, it's bizarre, doesn't smell right, etc. And I've since found the same thing posted on other forums, so he's clearly just not some guy who wants to talk about this obscure musician.

Anyway, to be on the safe side, I remove it, but decide not to ban him. I got this email a few minutes ago:


Before we end up in Court, explain why you removed my posting about [redacted].
My lawyer has been notified of your conspiracy. He is standing by.
Oh yes. You read correctly: COURT! I am going to be sued for exercising my right to decide what does or does not go on the message board I own. Brilliant. Here was my reply:

I don't believe for a moment that you've notified "your lawyer," and I could not care less if you have. My website is private property, and you have absolutely no claim on what's posted on it. Like, at all. I'm sure this sort of bluster frightens some people into giving into your demands, but I'm afraid it won't work here.

I would've gladly explained why I chose to remove it, but since this is the route you've chosen to take (as opposed to simply, you know, asking), I don't think I will.

I'm looking forward to never receiving what would certainly be a completely toothless legal threat from your probably fictional lawyer.


It's kind of unsettling how good a mood this has put me in.

The doors of wisdom are never shut. - 'Socrates'
Did you know that in the 1980s movie PREDATOR the titular character was not originally portrayed by Kevin Peter Hall. It was in fact Jean-Claude Van Damme donning a much more insect inspired full body suit before he left the production which then led to the recasting and redesigning of the famous hunter.

will.15's Avatar
Semper Fooey
I miss Film Expert.
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- Paula

LOL! Oh my. You treated him with too much respect from the length of your response. You shouldve came back with a fake lawyer threat of your own. Surely you would have wrote it more convincingly and he wouldve been scared to death.

Better start clicking on ads, people. Yoda's gonna need to pay his legal fees.
"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

I am having a nervous breakdance
Chris, you should look into the possibilities of suing him. IP-address?
The novelist does not long to see the lion eat grass. He realizes that one and the same God created the wolf and the lamb, then smiled, "seeing that his work was good".


They had temporarily escaped the factories, the warehouses, the slaughterhouses, the car washes - they'd be back in captivity the next day but
now they were out - they were wild with freedom. They weren't thinking about the slavery of poverty. Or the slavery of welfare and food stamps. The rest of us would be all right until the poor learned how to make atom bombs in their basements.

Wait - think about this. If all of us that have had a post deleted get together and sue we could have a class action thing going on. Hmmmmmmm
“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton

It was via email; he was banned right off the bat.

We did go a few more rounds. And yeah, he backed off. Never admitted the legal thing was a huge bluff, but, hey, we all know...

I love the genetic experiment known as the human race.
We are both the source of the problem and the solution, yet we do not see ourselves in this light...

For fun, the second round after the emails above...

It might be private property, but you are insulting people calling them spammers and this is the point. You started the provocation, not me. There is a ¨Music¨ section on your website, therefore my posting is legal. Maybe you are not the person in the conspiracy calling ¨spammer¨ and I cannot prosecute you for that (even though I know you are linked to these people acting out of sheer jealousy) but you performed an illegal action removing a posting that was properly posted on the right section.
You can also tell your friends in this vile conspiracy that I am looking for them this time.
My reply:
Er, it "might" be private property? It is private property. Which means it is not "illegal" for me to remove it, any more than it's illegal for me to remove something from my house. Though since you brought it up, you posted it in the Intermission section, not the Music section.

I have no idea who "these people" are. I removed your posting because it's obviously spammy, and when I plug some of the text into Google, I find you posting the same stuff elsewhere. Clearly, you're promoting something. And if you'd read our rules, you'd know we don't allow that sort of thing.

So, yeah, go ahead and sue me with your lawyer, Mr. Claude Rains Esq. Or perhaps the letter will come from his partner, Harvey the Rabbit. When can I expect it?
I love the "vile conspiracy" line. Yes, whatever random thing you're promoting only fails to be world famous because of a conspiracy, I'm sure.

The Adventure Starts Here!
Wait, does he think there is more than one person behind the deletion of his post? Seriously? Like some sort of committee of vile conspirators got together and discussed whether or not to delete his post?

Too hilarious. The scary part is that so much of his stuff is spelled an punctuated fairly well. I would have thought someone with enough brains to write even this well would have better things to do with his time.