How do you have sex

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How do you have sex on this thing?
Like cyber sex I mean. How? Is there a website or something? lol



I just know they're coming to kill me.
Sex is a lot like math:

You add the bed,
subract the clothes,
divide the legs,
and hope you don't multiply!
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Everything I do, I do to make my second stepdad proud.



Sunfrog, Heres how an engineer explained sex to me:

The angle of the dangle is directly proportionate to the heat of the meat as augmented by the thrust of the bust which is inversely proportionate to the mass of the ass which allows for more of the whore.
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Δύο άτομα. Μια μάχη. Κανένας συμβιβασμός.



Originally Posted by jrs
Get a life man.
I'm not the one who made a 6 page pussy thread. Don't blame me if you make me horny. Lol

P.S. Lol!! great poems!



Registered User
Hmmm... I guess the serious answer to this question would be to type out actions that you would be doing, I suppose.
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"I'd give up forever to touch you."



I'm leaning against the space bar looking pretty hot and available.
You're wondering if I have broadband.



Sir Sean Connery's love-child
Cyber sex?
Is that when you have a 4" floppy that doesn't fit into a hard-drive????
Maybe if you're the kinky type you get a love giga-bite!!!
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Hey Pepe, would you say I have a plethora of presents?


Toga, toga, toga......


Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?



Beleive it or not people, there are a few wrong ways to have cyber sex, and i believe sunfrog will find all of them and maybe a few more. I myself, being the self-proclaimed expert, have already said to much, but for some reason have still not stopped typing. So... I'm just g



Okay…pretend you and I are about to have cyber-sex:

SF: Hey, man. I’ve never had sex with a guy online before.

LS: I’m not gay.

SF: How do we do this? Do I just tell you what I want you to do with my thingy?

LS: I’m not gay, and we are not going to have cyber-sex.

SF: OK. I want you to pour hot tomato soup on it while screaming at me to quit hanging my nylons on the shower stall.

LS: I’m not gay.

SF: Next, I want to touch you on your back and twirl my fingers in your hairy shoulder blades.

LS: I’m not gay.

SF: Do you have any wax paper handy? I want you to wrap me up in it and use on iron on my scrotum.

LS: Listen, dude…I’m not gay!!!

SF: Oh yeah…oh yeah.

LS: *sigh*

SF: Oh yeah…Oh, baby! Oh…oh…oh…

SF: …

SF: …oh…oh…OH!!!

LS: You’re actually typing out your orgasm? I feel dirty.

SF: Huh? Slaytan? Is that you? I thought I was talking with my priest! (wha-wha-wha-whaaaaaa)


THE END



Originally Posted by LordSlaytan
Okay…pretend you and I are about to have cyber-sex:

SF: Hey, man. I’ve never had sex with a guy online before.

LS: I’m not gay.

SF: How do we do this? Do I just tell you what I want you to do with my thingy?

LS: I’m not gay, and we are not going to have cyber-sex.

SF: OK. I want you to pour hot tomato soup on it while screaming at me to quit hanging my nylons on the shower stall.

LS: I’m not gay.

SF: Next, I want to touch you on your back and twirl my fingers in your hairy shoulder blades.

LS: I’m not gay.

SF: Do you have any wax paper handy? I want you to wrap me up in it and use on iron on my scrotum.

LS: Listen, dude…I’m not gay!!!

SF: Oh yeah…oh yeah.

LS: *sigh*

SF: Oh yeah…Oh, baby! Oh…oh…oh…

SF: …

SF: …oh…oh…OH!!!

LS: You’re actually typing out your orgasm? I feel dirty.

SF: Huh? Slaytan? Is that you? I thought I was talking with my priest! (wha-wha-wha-whaaaaaa)


THE END
Someone is homophobic..eh?



Originally Posted by LordSlaytan
Not particularly.
In that case...wanna have a sleepover?



HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M NOT GAY EITHER.



You look gay in your pictures.

That's what I was going to post. I'm glad I think these things through nowadays.

So instead of that, I'll post this:




How do I make that my wallpaper? That's adorable!



Here's some other people having cyber sex, obviously a bit rude....

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an [censored]
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't ****ing laugh at me!
Boy: This **** is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ****ing break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ****ing sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU ********!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be ****ed if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my [censored] won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a ****ing [censored].
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your [censored]
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your [censored].
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your [censored]?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against
them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet [censored].
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your [censored] get more moist with every
stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your [censored].
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ***.
Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your [censored].
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ***
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ***.
Girl: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU [censored]!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

I'm pretty sure the boy is our own Pimp Da Shiz
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