Suspect's 2019 Movie Watch List

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28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Unfriended: Dark Web

Within a few minutes I felt like this sequel was already better than its predecessor. Dark Web ditches the supernatural and goes for a somewhat grounded horror story. It still has obvious flaws and I would never really recommend this to anyone over the age of 20, but for what I expected, Dark Web was a pleasant surprise.

After finding a laptop, a young man plays online games with a group of his friends. Throughout the night, he discovers disturbing images and videos hidden on the laptop and it opens the door to a world of horror and danger for him and his friends. Told from the perspective of a computer screen and cameras.

I don't really facetime with people, I guess that's for the generation right after me. I can imagine that these kids 'need' to facetime all the time, for the sake of the story and for the type of generation they are. So communication is key to this film and it finds a way to tell the story from those perspectives in a believable way. Not once did I question why we are seeing what we are seeing. There are leaps in logic when people are scrambling video feed to hide their faces, but if you simply go along with it, Dark Web offers a somewhat enjoyable ride. Might even make you paranoid about who's watching you from your own device.

What makes it better than the original is that it turns to the mystery element, something that made the film Searching a success. Where did this laptop come from? Who are in these videos? How are they tracking these characters? These elements are intriguing enough to keep the viewer engaged. The original was just a "ghost story" and this one tries to ground itself in reality. No one is killing themselves because a ghost made them do it. These people are dying because of the person or people that the laptop belongs to.

The deaths are nothing to write home about. That's what you get when you trade in the supernatural for the real world. A curling iron down the throat in the original is gruesome. Someone getting shot or falling off a building is nothing new. Dark Web isn't a great movie, but it's one that I feel deserves a bit more appreciation that it receives.
"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
The Fast & The Furious

The introduction of Familia.

A friend of mine saw the Hobbs & Shaw trailer and thought it looked ridiculous. I said it seems in line with the series and he mentioned he has never seen a single film in this series. So we decide to have a Fast & Furious Mayathon. So far...he hasn't been impressed.

The first film is actually trying to tell a story and has no indication of a continued series or the levels of ridiculousness it would eventually reach. Essentially it's a remake of Point Break, but with cars. As I was watching I was immediately transported to the late 90's, early 2000's fashion era and its comical now but people actually dressed like this. The film wants to look 'cool' with the edgy street racing vibe replacing the cool dude surfers.

Paul Walker is our Keanu Reeves, both on the same acting level it seems. Vin Diesel is our Patrick Swayze. While Diesel looks cool and is intimidating, he lacks the charisma that made people like Bodhi. The rest of the cast is full of no names but we see the beginnings of people like Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez. Buffalo Bill himself Ted Levine plays Walker's boss.

The hi-jacking of DVDS is funny now, especially when we see where these characters wind up, but the action elements associated with those sequences are still thrilling enough. It's funny to watch those sequences and have it hold up, but to see them simply race in a straight line, it looks horrible. Bad CGI effects of the cars and the 'Nos' being ignited really date the film.

Paul Walker was still wet behind the ears in this film and his more 'leading man' style charisma wouldn't show up until the 4th or 5th film, but you can see his enthusiasm for the material. It's interesting to see the beginnings of what has become a huge financially successful series.

Welcome to the human race...
I ran the first seven a few years back and figured it took until the fifth before they became legit good, but I'm thinking I might have to re-evaluate the first few anyway. You think you might end up reviewing the whole series at this rate?
Way too much stupid talk on the forum. Iroquois, Iím thinking about you.

28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
I ran the first seven a few years back and figured it took until the fifth before they became legit good, but I'm thinking I might have to re-evaluate the first few anyway. You think you might end up reviewing the whole series at this rate?
Yup, the whole series. Then our plan is to see Calvin and Hobbs in theatres.

I've jotted down notes throughout the watching of them. We have one more to do, F8 is tomorrow.

28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
2 Fast 2 Furious

A lot of "bros" in this one.

Vin Diesel decided to give another Riddick movie a shot instead of showing up for this sequel. So the script had to be reworked to introduced Tyrese. There is some chemistry between Walker and Tyrese and that might be one of the few saving graces of the movie, but most of that relationship is bogged down by really bad dialogue in which they throw BRO at each other every other sentence. Coupled with an awkward competitive nature to their roles, in which Walker drives backwards on the street flipping Tyrese off, gives these two characters nothing more than bad vibes. Walker went from a likeable guy in the first, to a douche in this entry.

Directed by John Singleton, we transport the action to Miami and Walker's Brian is no longer a cop because he let Diesel's Toretto go at the end of the first. But guess what...they need him back. It seems that the big bad guy this time needs a couple of 'wild' drivers to deliver a package for him and who else do the cops trust but Brian? He needs a partner and calls up his old buddy Tyrese.

The move to Miami gives the film a more colourful palate. The colours of the cars themselves are more than enough to make the film seem more 'cheerful'. When the film came out, people were missing Diesel and Tyrese seemed to be a loud-mouthed poor substitute. Looking back at this film in the series, it does seem somewhat out of place, same as Tokyo Drift. They left the cool at home and went for this...I don't know what.

Had the dialogue of this film been less douche bag filled, then maybe the movie could have been passable. The story is basic, but serviceable to the needs of the filmmakers. Beautiful women, fast cars and a hot setting is enough to get people to cheer for this film. I saw this in theatres with an ex-girlfriend. I gave her the option of Ang Lee's The Hulk or this.

She choose poorly.

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The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift

The red-headed stepchild of the series.

This film gets a lot of unneeded hate and it's only because of two reasons. One, none of the main cast is present here and two...Lil' Bow Wow. There I said it, that kid shouldn't have been in the film.

Justin Lin directs this entry and he would go on to direct, 4, 5, and 6. Looks like he will be returning for 9 as well. Lin brings a nice sense of movement to the series, which was several lacking before. He uses the camera like a car itself and prefers practical over CGI. So in Tokyo Drift we get some really nice car chase and race sequences. The drifting aspect was a new addition to the series and placing it in Tokyo adds yet another new scene to play with. The film felt fresh and I would like to compare it to a film I haven't even seen yet. That's Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. The filmmakers wanted to do something different with the series and despite the quality of it, the audience wasn't there. That's why we get the old gang back together in the next one.

Lucas Black replaces Paul Walker. He doesn't have the charm to really carry the film and we don't get to see his character in any of the next films (save for one cameo). The real main star of the film is fan favourite Han. So the filmmakers really needed to find ways to bring him back for the next film, which is why the timeline for this movie is so wonky. This film actually takes place between 6-7.

Is there a plot? Not really. It's just about Black learning to drift and taking on some shady characters. The lack of plot might make the film spin its wheels at times, but the series starts to go in a certain direction, for the better.

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Fast & Furious

The boys are back in town!!!

Justin Lin returns to the director's chair with the whole gang back. The film now starts to head into the direction the rest of the series is known for, but it won't be until the next film where it really works. This entry has some going for it, but the car chase sequences, specifically under the mountain, are atrocious. Gone is the slick looking racing and car chase scenes from Tokyo Drift and we are back in the awkward looking CGI slugfest that really takes the series down a peg. Everything that is outside of the car chases is decent stuff, even if we are back to square one with Brian officially BACK on some kind of police force and going under cover.

Letty is killed and Toretto wants revenge. He signs up to be the driver for the guy he thinks is responsible for her death...but the FEDS are looking into this guy as well and they get their man on the inside, it's Brian. about awkward reunions. The cast was never getting Oscars for their work in this series. A lot of lines and the delivery is laughable. Vin Diesel likes to speak slowly and look around when he does so.

The failure of the actors other projects (Diesel's Babylon A.D. and Walker's Running Scared) the duo decided to go back to what made them stars. It worked, the film opened to over $70M, the biggest opening for the series at the time. It needed that boost since Tokyo Drift opened the lowest, at $23M.

In a weird way, this film acts like the first true sequel. It's in between two better films though, which makes it a chore to get through when doing the entire series.

One Fast and Furious was enough for me Nice reviews
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.

Welcome to the human race...
As someone who has seen Halloween III, I'd say that is a fair comparison. Myself, I'd call Tokyo Drift (and arguably 2 Fast as well) as the Mission: Impossible II of the franchise - easy enough to use as the consensus pick for the worst due to how they struggled to find new ways to follow up such a flashy yet competent original, but at least it's got more personality than its most immediate successor. To this end, I would say Fast & Furious is my current pick for least favourite installment.

28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
As someone who has seen Halloween III, I'd say that is a fair comparison. Myself, I'd call Tokyo Drift (and arguably 2 Fast as well) as the Mission: Impossible II of the franchise - easy enough to use as the consensus pick for the worst due to how they struggled to find new ways to follow up such a flashy yet competent original, but at least it's got more personality than its most immediate successor. To this end, I would say Fast & Furious is my current pick for least favourite installment.
MI:2 is a good comparison.

I recently picked up all the Halloween movies. So this October, looks like I'm following in your footsteps.

🐉Double🐉🐉Denim🐉 🐉🐉🐉Dragon🐉🐉🐉
Looking forward to seeing what you have to say about 5.

Never heard of The Oath. Even though you gave it a positive rating, I'm still not sure it sounds like something I'd care to watch. As for The Happytime Murders, my sense of humor never progressed past middle school, so the descriptions that I've heard sound hilarious (a puppet ejaculating silly string? I laughed just reading that sentence), but nobody I know has actually liked it. I'll probably rent it soon and find out for myself, although I'd like to seek out Meet the Feebles beforehand.

I can't believe you're complaining about the excessive nudity in Slumber Party Massacre. What the hell's wrong with you? Does your wife read these reviews or something? I'm with you on your rating and assessment. I'm skeptical that it would have as large of a cult following if it was the exact same movie but directed by a dude. Change sex organs behind the camera and suddenly the nudity is no longer gratuitous but empowering? And how many times must the movie teabag us with its drill-as-penis metaphor? Apparently the script was written as a parody of slashers, but it was filmed as a straightforward slasher, which probably explains many of the film's issues. I recommend the sequel, which is goofy and campy as hell, but much more entertaining and fun than its predecessor. I mean, the villain goes around killing babes with a drill-powered guitar! It's like a slasher version of MTV's Headbanger's Ball:

I enjoyed Venom far more than expected. Tom Hardy carried that movie on his back. I didn't think he could do comedy, but he had me cracking up with his reactions to the symbiote's voice. The script was mostly terrible and the last act devolved into typical CGI overload, but as a silly, brainless popcorn flick, Venom delivered. It sorta reminded me of 90's superhero movies that never took themselves seriously and were often made by people with no knowledge of the comics. I mean that as a positive.

I think I've only seen 2 or 3 Fast and the Furious movies. I'm shocked by the popularity and longevity of the series. I've been thinking about running through the series as well just because Hobbs & Shaw looks like ridiculous fun and I like The Rock and Jason Statham.

28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Fast Five

Hey guys, let's throw physics out the window and see what happens.

People say the introduction of The Rock gave the series new life. The film opened to $86M, but the film just before it opened to $70. Sure it made more money in the long run too, but I don't think the series was necessarily "dying". The return of Walker and Diesel rejuvenated the series in my opinion. The Rock helped make it a bigger hit though, for sure. Here he is the protagonist / antagonist. He's not the bad guy, but our "heroes" aren't necessarily the good guys either. He's tracking them down while they try to get one last "score" so they can live in peace in countries with no extradition.

Justin Lin returns again for this one, which people would argue is the best one. I ask this though, why is the film with total disregard for civilian life considered the best? The climax scene, which is ridiculous and awesome all at the same time, sees our characters drive off with a vault that weighs ten tons. It smashes into cars and buildings left, right and centre. That would kill the momentum.

Let's add in the weight of the cash, which is $100M.

According to the chip Brian OíConnor (Paul Walker) finds in one of the vehicles, a dealer pack weighing 49 kilograms contains a million dollars in twenty-dollar bills. The heist is for 100 million dollars.

49 kilograms = 1 million dollars
$100mil = $1mil * 100 packs
49 kilograms * 100 packs = 4900 kilos of cash in the vault

Adding the mass of the vault itself and the cash inside gives us the entire mass of what is being towed.

9100 kg + 4900 kg = 14000 kg

^^^ Not me, taken from some people that went really in depth with the math on this film. In the end, they come up with this: OíConnor and Toretto would need more than 198,000 horsepower to move the safe as quickly as it happens in the film. If we divide that number by the actual horsepower of a Dodger Charger, that gives us an idea of how many cars would be needed.

P/425 ≈ 467 cars

But hey, it's fun right? The following films have people flying through the air, ejected from tanks, flying cars out of planes, out driving a sub, etc. So this film mentally prepares you for the over the top ridiculousness the series will become. It's no longer grounded in reality, this is a fantasy series. A series that I really like and will make fun. Our "mayathon" of these movies has taken on a Mystery Science Theatre vibe and that may be elevating my enjoyment of them.

Welcome to the human race...
One of my favourite moments in the movie is when they have to acquire some fast cars so they decide to street-race for pink slips, pull up to the starting line...and then it cuts to them having already won. Just a great demonstration of how much it's "outgrown" its street-racing origins that it doesn't even feel compelling to have a token race that we the audience already know they're going to win.

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Fast & Furious 6

And the award for longest runway in the history of film goes to...

When I think about this movie I think about how it's kind of forgettable. The first film is known as the original, the second is known as the worst, the third is known as the odd one out, the fourth as the return of the stars, the fifth as introduction to The Rock, the 7th is the one where Paul Walker died and the 8th where Diesel went bad and first after Walker. So what does the 6th bring to the table?

As forgettable as it may be, this is the first in the series where I think we have an actual decent villain. Luke Evans matches the talent and skills of the protagonists and he has a methodical precision to how he acts. He is a skilled driver with a skilled team and The Rock needs people who are fast and furious to take him down.

Justin Lin is once again behind the camera. He's gotten use to the requirements needed to generate a fun action flick. He's also more familiar with the characters so he can give some time to little interactions that work well. Michelle Rodriguez returns from the grave. In a post credit scene in the last film Eva Mendes shows up (never to be seen again) and informs The Rock that Letty is still alive. We an MCU franchise now?

The highlight is a tank chase on a bridge. It's spectacularly awesome with how ridiculous is ends. This film continues the franchise decently enough. There biggest challenge this film has is that it is in-between the two best in the franchise.

Welcome to the human race...
They even lampshade the fact that it's an entire team of evil counterparts and that much is reflected in who gets pitted against who during the final conflict. Now I do wonder how the main antagonists of each film stack up against each other and whether or not Owen might actually be the best of them.

28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Furious 7

We in the billion dollar club now, baby.

The franchise gets bigger and bigger with more death defying stunts. How do you top the bridge sequence? Let's throw some cars out of planes and have them magically land EXACTLY where they needed to go. These guys can do it, they're superheroes now. I threw logic out the window in Fast Five and had a great time, it continued on through 6 and now onto 7, which is one of the better films in the series.

James Wan hops on board, replacing longtime furious director Justin Lin. It's a nice change of pace as I like Wan's style. I think sticking with one director for almost an entire series becomes a little stale *cough* David Yates *cough* so 7 and 8 change it up a bit. Wan knows what he's dealing with and he seems to embrace it. Having expensive cars drive through the windows of one building, fly through the air and land into another one is "high-octane thrills", you can throw that quote on the poster!!!!

Jason Statham enters the series here with his personal motives that seems separate from the main action. He brings his usual Jason Statham charm...which is the same in every damn movie. He'll finally lampoon this persona in Spy.

Tony Ja has a small role here and he goes toe to toe with...Paul Walker? I forgot that as these movies progressed these characters became more and more lethal in their fighting styles. The guy who barely got through a scuffle with Tyrese in 2 Fast is taking on Tony Freaking Ja....okay.

Of course, the death of Paul Walker adds some emotional heft to the film. They had to rework the ending to "retire" his character and they did it tastefully. Some of the CGI effects they used to have him appear in scenes are really spectacular and one wouldn't notice unless it was pointed out to them. The ending shot is rather obvious though, but kudos to the team for dealing with such scenes respectfully.

Furious 7 adds more over the top thrills one can expect from this series and carries some surprisingly emotional weight. Those two elements make this entry one of the best.