Thief's Monthly Movie Loot - 2024 Edition

Romancing the Stone follows romance novelist Joann Wilder (Kathleen Turner), who lives alone in her apartment while writing her novels, waiting for the moment when she gets to meet the man of her dreams. When her sister is kidnapped by a group of criminals looking for a hidden treasure, Joann must travel to Colombia to find her. In the process, she enlists the help of Jack T. Colton (Michael Douglas), a rogue smuggler and adventurer.

This is one of those films I remember seeing often when I was a kid, but that for some reason I hadn't revisited in decades. The film seems to borrow a lot of inspiration from Indiana Jones and other similar adventure films, with the added layer of contrasting Joann's "big city" persona with Jack's rough, macho approach to things. You know, she's wearing high heels and carrying a suitcase, while he's wearing a fedora and a machete on his belt.

The story is rounded out by an assorted array of characters that are also looking for Joann, and the hidden treasure. These include cousins Ira and Ralph (Zack Norman and Danny DeVito), who kidnapped Joann's sister, as well as Colonel Zolo (Manuel Ojeda), a Colombian military man who murdered Joann's brother-in-law and is also in search of the hidden treasure.

The truth is that the sister's subplot is severely underwritten and serves mostly as a plot device to put all these characters in march towards the same goal. We can say it's all an excuse to put Joann like a fish-out-of-water in this spectacular and exaggerated situations settings and situations. Most of the first act follows that "buddy cop" vibe of two completely different persons learning to work together. They argue and bicker, and *surprise, surprise* fall in love.

Thankfully, this works because the chemistry between Douglas and Turner is great. I would've liked if the whole kidnapping thing was better written and integrated, because in a way, it feels like a different movie. However, if you're looking for an adventure film full of effective setpieces, thrilling action sequences, that is a lot of fun without having to think too much about the plot, then you don't have to wait anymore.

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The Goonies follows a group of friends from the "Goon Docks" in Astoria, Oregon. When their homes are threatened by foreclosure because of the expansion of a wealthy country club, they set out in an adventure to find the long-lost treasure of pirate One-Eyed Willy. Meanwhile, they must also avoid The Fratellis, a family of criminals who are also looking for the treasure.

This is yet another one of those films I've seen dozens of times, but I wanted my kids to watch it. I've always enjoyed the thrills and fun of the kids' adventure and thought it would be a good fit for them. Even though there's a lot of danger and murder, I love how it's mostly treated in such a playful and whimsical way, while carrying a message of persistence and never giving up; you know, Goonies never say die!

All of these is anchored in the performances and chemistry of the lead cast. The four main kids (Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, Ke Huy Quan, and Jeff Cohen) work so well off each other that you just believe they've been friends for years. Not only that, but their integration with the older characters (Josh Brolin, Kerri Green, and Martha Plimpton) is also believable, thanks to great writing and characterization.

In addition, we get some colorful villains, and some excellent and memorable setpieces, which makes for an irresistible treat. Sure, there are times when the "fantastic" elements are a bit too stretched, particularly with some of Data's gadgets, but it's all in good fun. It's somewhat magical to know that I've watched a film lots of times as a kid, and now – almost 40 years later – I get to watch it with my own kids. But you know what they say: Goonies never say die.

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I Was a Stranger follows Eliza (Elizabeth Rodriguez), a woman who's running from her abusive husband (Jason Butler Harner) and seeks refuge in a trailer park community. As she befriends the residents, she realizes that she's not the only one running away from something.

This short film was directed by Reiko Aylesworth, who is known for portraying Michelle Dessler on Fox's 24, which is how I stumbled upon it. It is a fairly simple short with a 17-minute runtime, but I really enjoyed her approach to the material. The subject matter can lend itself to some heavy-handedness or preachiness, but I don't think that's the case here. Aylesworth's direction and the script from April Brassard tackle it with care.

But most importantly, Rodriguez really sells the lead role with a neat display of various emotions; fear, insecurity, regret, despair, confidence, all through different scenes as she struggles with her decisions. The supporting cast is pretty good as well, but this is Rodriguez' show, from start to finish.

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The holidays are a time of gatherings and family, a time to meet with loved ones and be together. So, obviously, most people make great efforts not to miss those gatherings so they can be with someone, and not alone. But what if you can't get out of work, your car doesn't start, can't catch a cab, or start being stalked by a maniac? All of the above are part of what happens in this psychological horror/thriller.

P2 follows Angela (Rachel Nichols), a young executive in Manhattan getting ready to leave work on Christmas Eve. But when she gets trapped in an underground parking garage, she starts being stalked by Thomas (Wes Bentley), a psychopathic security guard that's obsessed with her.

The premise is fairly simple, which probably brings me to my main complaint against the film, and it's that this film should've been 60-70 minutes tops. For the first act, things move at a pretty nice pace, but after an hour, you kinda get the feeling that the writers were struggling to stretch things to a certain point. All of this leads to a fairly weak last act and resolution, which kinda spoils the whole thing a bit.

Despite that, I still think the film is worth a watch, if you know what you're getting into. Ironically, I saw the film on a parking lot, while waiting for one of my kids to come out of an appointment so I guess that added an extra layer of "fun" to my watch. Nichols is a solid lead for the most part, and Bentley sells the psychopathic angle of his character really well, while adding some nice, nuanced touches to his performance

It's worth mentioning that the film was developed by Alexandre Aja, right after High Tension, which should give you a bit of an idea of what to expect, as far as Aja's sensibilities go. However, P2 never goes that hard, featuring just one instance of notable gore, without really relying on it. Instead, we get some decent tension and suspense, at least for an hour or so.

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Yeah, P2 lands in the "fine" zone, but doesn't go beyond that.

If it had been a short film, removing most of the last act filler and polishing the ending, it would've landed way better I think.

Totally agree.

The Devil Wears Prada follows Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway), a young, aspiring journalist who finds herself working as a personal assistant to Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), the ruthless editor-in-chief of Runway magazine. Despite her lack of interest in fashion, Andy wants to use the opportunity as a stepping stone for her career, but finds herself instead sucked into the excessive demands of Priestly and subsequently, the glamorous lifestyle of the fashion industry.

Somebody once said that "every story has already been told", and that is the case here. This is not an innovative story: the young idealist that is lured into the coldness and evils of a different life and somehow ends up absorbed by it; it's been done in everything from the corporate world or high school cliques to literal Satan tempting someone into selling their soul. What can be different is the ways the characters and their predicaments are presented, and how we connect to them.

The main draw here is Streep, and her interactions with Hathaway's character. Streep was nominated for an Academy Award, and deservedly so. Her performance shies away from turning Priestly into a straight-forward villainess by adding several layers to her, along with other details that are on the script, and others that seem to be more of Streep's choices as an actress. Meanwhile, Hathaway perfectly portrays her character's descent (or ascent?) into this world in a way that's convincing and believable, despite being predictable.

It is in this crux that the script puts on Andy's shoulders and how the film kinda skirts away from a definitive conclusion that the film separates a bit from others. Like Miranda herself told Andy in the above quote, "EVERYONE wants this", and even though the end might make you think like Andy managed to escape from "the devil", the film and the performances hint that Miranda might not be "the devil incarnate", and that Andy is not entirely free from the clutches of that lifestyle.

But even with those flashes of novelty, The Devil Wears Prada is not without its flaws (the Simon Baker character feels underserved and maybe even unnecessary) and is no different than many other similar films. We've all seen it happen before, and we pretty much know how things are going to end. What's left is to enjoy the journey; a journey that Hathaway and specially Streep elevate and make worthy of a watch.

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I agree with just about everything you said regarding this movie

Enter the Ninja follows Cole (Franco Nero), an American ninja and former soldier. After completing his ninjitsu training in Japan, he travels to the Philippines to visit his best friend Frank (Alex Courtney) and his wife, but finds himself in the middle of a clash between Frank and a ruthless businessman that wants his land. Cole then has to use his ninja skills to protect his best friend.

I remember seeing this film back in the day, amidst all the 80s ninja craze. I must've been 9 or 10, and a school friend kept talking about it so I think I rented it. Most of it vanished from my mind, but the last act kinda stuck with me for some reason. Probably because it's the moment we get to see our lead character, as preposterous as it might seem, excel in everything: martial arts, swordsmanship, archery, and poisons.

Seeing it now wasn't as novel as it was back then. The truth is that the film has a lot of flaws, starting with a poorly conceived script and a weak lead in Nero. I mean, he does have the tough look, but there's literally no other emotion in him. As a result, his backstory with Frank, and the ill-conceived attempt at a relationship with his wife, don't work at all. If anything, the bad guys had a more assorted array of colorful and fun characters.

As far as ninjas go, we get Sho Kosugi as Cole's old rival, Hasegawa, who is brought by Venarius to stop him. He has some solid ninja moments, but the reasonings for his feud with Cole are just dumb. Other than that, the fight choreographies aren't that great, but there are still some good ninja fights here and there, all leading to that last act where we get to see Cole pull out all his arsenal to dispatch of the bad guys; sword, sai, bow and arrow, blowgun, you name it.

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I've taken a knack for watching Tubi during my lunch hour, specifically for low demand watches like low budget horror thrillers or 1950s creature features. From Beneath falls in the former category. It follows a young couple: Sam and Jason (Lauren Watson and Jamie Temple) as they head out to visit Sam's sister, who just moved to a secluded farmhouse with her family. However, as Sam and Jason arrive, her sister is nowhere to be found while Jason ends up being bitten by a mysterious organism... from beneath!

As you can see, the film borrows a lot of beats from better horror films like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Thing, Night of the Creeps, and many others. Despite its lack of originality, it does manage to sporadically succeed holding suspense and tension, even if it amounts to little in the end. Filmmaker David Doucette, who served as writer, producer, director, editor, and cinematographer is evidently an amateur, but he does seem to know a bit of what he's doing.

But for every little workable flair with the camera, there are ten lines of cringey dialogue or bad delivery from the two leads. Not only is the dialogue terrible, but the performances from Watson and Temple are plain bad. Moreover, their reactions to the things that start happening are dumb and make no sense at all. The two characters behave more as if they just found out the toilet overflowed, instead of the two being attacked by a murderous organism that's taking over one of them.

On that line, the special effects are pretty bad as well, and there's not much shown as far as the mysterious creature goes. Instead, the film relies on the atmosphere and tension which, like I said, has some spurts of competency. If you're looking for a good body horror film, there are definitely better options. But if you're looking for a Z-grade creature feature with bad dialogue and worst acting, then maybe you can check out this... thing.

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That's how a representative of the Italian government describes the situation of this film, where an alien creature was brought from Venus by American astronauts. Unfortunately, the ship crashes near the coast of Sicily with only Colonel Bob Calder (William Hopper) surviving. 20 Million Miles to Earth follows the attempts of Calder and the government to stop the creature once it gets loose and on the rampage.

This is yet another one I found on Tubi, thought the poster looked pretty cool so I took a chance. I have to say it mostly paid off cause it fell on the good end of the spectrum as far as 1950s "creature features" go. The film doesn't really stray away from the typical formula of other similar films, but it does it with confidence, solid characters, and some great special effects.

The special effects are perhaps the film's biggest asset, which is understandable since the creature and some of its setpieces were done with stop-motion animation designed by Ray Harryhausen. The end result is pretty impressive for the time, with some of the effects in these setpieces being pretty seamless and well executed. Notable examples are the creature escaping from a barn, fighting an elephant, and his final rampage through the streets of Rome. Horrible, but fascinating.

As far as the characters go, Calder is the stereotypical stern and square-jawed military tough guy, but Hopper plays him well enough, while Joan Taylor is also good as the "almost-a-doctor" that ends up helping him. The surrounding supporting cast is quite solid and helps the film move at a smooth pace with few lulls. I do have to say that the kid that played Pepe ended up being quite annoying I mean, this kid stole the canister with the creature from the crash site, hid it, secretly opened it, and sold the creature to a veterinarian for a Texas cowboy hat... and he was rewarded? C'mon!

Overall, 20 Million Miles to Earth delivers what you would expect from a 1950s sci-fi creature feature, and then some. If you've seen a few of these films, you probably know what you will get, but in this case, topped by some memorable sequences and some amazing special effects from Harryhausen. Fascinating... horrible, but fascinating.

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Wolverines are solitary animals notorious for their strength and ferocity despite their relative small size. That is why 5'3" James "Logan" Howlett adopts the name in the Marvel Comics. When plans for a live action Wolverine started to take form in the 1980s, Bob Hoskins, who is actually 5'3", was considered. When Hugh Jackman was cast for the 2000 X-Men film, there was criticism as he was considered too tall (he's 6'2") and too "good looking" to play a "short and somewhat feral Canadian". Jackman, however, portrayed a Wolverine that was rebellious, yes, but loyal and not quite the "feral animal".

After the original trilogy ended, X-Men Origins: Wolverine takes us back to examine the story of the character. Starting with his childhood as a mutant, we follow his relationship with his half-brother Victor Creed (Liev Schreiber), his time as part of William Stryker's Team X, as well as the events that led him to become a loner and end up with his bones fused with adamantium.

Much like X-Men: The Last Stand, I had avoided this film because of all the bad rep it gets. As a result, and being the completist that I am, I hadn't seen any other X-Men or X-Men-adjacent film (no Logan, no Deadpool's). I had succumbed to The Last Stand several years ago (it ended up being as bad as I had read), but wanting to watch some of those other films, there was only one path for the completist in me; I had to get the "animal".

The biggest liabilities that X-Men Origins: Wolverine has are that it's predictable and it's dumb. Its predictability comes from following many of the typical action film conventions and tropes. You kinda know what's gonna happen, plus you get lots of explosions and cringey one-liners. Its dumbness comes from how none of the things that happen make sense. Like Stryker deciding to erase Logan's memory only after he puts the adamantium in him, or how they never mention the adamantium bullets until it is convenient to do so.

However, the film kinda makes up for its faults with its performances. There are a lot of wasted characters, but the core of Jackman, Schreiber, and Danny Huston as Stryker, was great. You can pretty much feel Jackman's commitment to the character, even when spewing stupid lines. As for the latter two, they offer two very different but effective layers of villainy. Schreiber is chewing scenery like a madman while Huston delivers a more restrained antagonist, but both work; at least as well as you would expect from the material.

I still maintain that the first two X-Men films are among the best superhero/comic book films ever made. There is a certain finesse, a "realness", and a quality to them that's not present in every superhero film. Some of that has been lost through the years to the point of making me give up on the franchise. However, as I've been diving into the whole MCU world during the last years, and with the release of Deadpool & Wolverine earlier this year, I found myself in the predicament: what do I do with this one? Well, I wanted the "animal", and I got it.

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That's what Cathy tells fellow nurse Mandy (Angela Bettis) in passing in the opening of this crazy, black comedy/thriller; but damn, is she plotting or what? 12 Hour Shift follows Mandy, a drug addicted nurse that's part of an organ traffic ring. As she tries to get a kidney out with her cousin Regina (Chloe Farnworth) during the titular shift, all sort of bizarre things start happening around her.

One of the beauties of these monthly challenges I do is when you stumble upon a film you had never heard about, and which you probably wouldn't have heard otherwise, and it ends up being a pleasant surprise. That is the case of 12 Hour Shift, which ended up being a neat mixture of hilarious twists, criminal mishaps, and dark humor.

Most of the film is anchored in Bettis performance as the fidgety nurse who's always plotting; from recovering one or two missing kidneys or appeasing her supervisor, to putting a rein on her loose cannon cousin or keeping a nosy cop out of her shady "operation". Mandy fidgets and stumbles but still does her best to keep things under control, and Bettis perfectly portrays that shaky balance.

The rest of the cast is pretty solid, even if the film overall needs a bit of polish around the edges. There's also a subplot that features David Arquette as a criminal that's taken to the hospital that felt a bit wasted. Despite those issues, I thoroughly enjoyed this oddball of a film. It'll make you question whether to ever set foot on a hospital again, but I can't help but look forward to what else is director/writer Brea Grant is plotting.

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That's how easily young Juancito (Michelangel Mejía) dismisses his mother's regrets of what little they have to give him, especially come Christmas time. That innocence, and its goal of spreading some local Christmas cheer, is part of what runs through this little Puerto Rican film that aired on local TV back in 1996.

Milagro en Yauco is based on a local Christmas song, which basically tells the story of the birth of Jesus, but from the perspective of a humble Puerto Rican kid that wants to give something to the newborn child. The film follows young Juancito who lives with his parents, Juan and Mercedes, on a farm in the town of Yauco. When his father receives some not so good news from his doctor, the prospects of a good Christmas are threatened. But can a "miracle" save the Christmas for them?

Again, this film was released locally on TV back in 1996. I think I saw it back then, but I hadn't seen it since until my wife decided to put it to the kids this morning. It is a very low budget production, but with a lot of heart. The story is very simple, but earnest and very family-oriented. It also takes advantage of most of its cast being singers and weaves a couple of musical numbers into its story.

Despite some amateurishness in its overall production values, the direction from Abdiel Colberg has some scattered moments of flair. He also intercalates frequent shots of the town of Yauco, as well as some local Christmas celebrations, that are not necessarily integrated organically into the story. However, considering most of my family from my father's side comes from Yauco, I appreciated the views.

The dialogue is not the best, and the delivery from some of the actors is lacking, at times. Most of the performances are spotty with maybe Gladys Rodríguez and Raúl Dávila, as Juancito's parents, being the best of the bunch. However, they all seem to have the goals of the film pretty clear which is to exalt the local Christmas traditions, remind us how "rich" we are, and that miracles are still possible.

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That is how a Russian government official dismisses the plea of Lyuda (Olga Smirnova) as she tries to get some information about her husband, Capt. Andrei Petrov (Pyotr Fyodorov) who is stranded in the Anctarctic. The response might be a dismissal, but it might also be an encapsulation of the spirit of the people of the Soviet Union, who struggle and strive to find solutions, one way or another, despite the government's constant reshuffling.

The Icebreaker is based on the real events surrounding the Mikhail Somov ship, which spent 133 days trapped in the ice along the Anctarctic coast. During that time, Captain Petrov finds himself in the middle of a power struggle with dissenting crew members as well as the acting captain sent to replace him, all while trying to avoid the dangers of the forces of nature around them.

I hadn't heard of this film, or this event, until last week when I was browsing for films set in Anctarctica (I thought there'd be more). The plot synopsis piqued my interest, and it ended up delivering pretty much what I expected. The Icebreaker doesn't stray too far from similar survival/based-in-real-events films. There are a lot of familiar tropes and predictable beats, but for the most part, they are well executed by the cast.

Fyodorov is pretty good as the fair-but-kind Petrov, but I enjoyed more the performances from Sergei Puskepalis, who plays his replacement, and Alexey Barabash, who plays the main dissenting officer. Like I said, they all go through some predictable redemptive arcs, but they all do it well. There are a couple of subplots regarding Fyodorov's estranged wife and other relatives back in Leningrad, but I felt these were all underwritten and underdeveloped.

Overall, The Icebreaker doesn't really break a lot of new ground. However, what it does, it does fairly well. It has solid performances from most of the cast, competent direction, solid special effects, and a good story about people finding solutions, one way or another.

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That's what a little boy assures a ruthless auctioneer that's trying to humiliate his old donkey, called "Small One". Now, the donkey *is* scrawny and old, but the that doesn't make the boy's assurances any less. That's part of what we will find out in this 1978 Disney short film, from Don Bluth.

Set near ancient Nazareth, The Small One starts with the young boy (Sean Marshall) being ordered by his father to sell the titular donkey, after he's been found to be a liability. Although the boy is reluctant, he agrees on the condition that he be the one to take him to town and sell him. Unfortunately, the boy can't seem to find a good buyer.

I put this short this morning to the kids. However, I wasn't really paying attention, but they seemed to enjoy it. I got curious so I decided to check it out by myself later. The Small One is indeed a charming and enjoyable short film that's beautifully animated..In addition, the music and songs are touching and memorable, especially the title track.

Overall, The Small One succeeds in all the above, but also in offering a different perspective to a familiar story. Released in 1978, at a time when Disney was going through a bit of a rough patch, Don Bluth brings something that's not only gentle and kind, but good enough to be in a king's stable.

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That is the lamentation of Chris Cringle (Mel Gibson) as he's about to wrap another holiday season. You see, Cringle is literally Santa Claus in this modernized adaptation of Christmas stories, with Gibson playing the burned out and jaded "fat man in a red suit" as he struggles to keep his operation alive. Meanwhile, a spiteful kid sends a bitter hitman (Walton Goggins) to kill Santa Claus after only getting coal on Christmas.

I had read some things about Fatman, but didn't really know the extent of its story. I have to say, though, that I really enjoyed its mixture of black comedy and action, and how filmmakers Eshom and Ian Nelms find ways to play with stereotypical Holiday tropes. This includes Chris/Santa struggling with production and budgets while negotiating a contract with the government, while also questioning his own purpose.

Say what you will about Gibson, but I do think he's one of the best at portraying raw emotion, regret, heartbreak, and anger. Here he brings all of that to his character, while his wife Ruth (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) provides him with the necessary balance. Finally, Goggins is a treasure. He has us accustomed to that, but I really felt he was having a lot of fun with this. Finally, Chance Hurstfield delivers a small but wicked performance as the malicious kid that kickstarts things.

If anything, I'd say the whole government/military subplot wasn't as well integrated, or maybe even necessary, but it does help putting some pieces in the game board for the last act, which is full of nifty bangs and cool explosions. Make no mistake; Fatman has a lot of comedic aspects, but the main humor comes from seeing the many ways the Nelms mix the serious action with the fun aspects. The end result is a deliciously odd and entertaining film that I can see myself revisiting next season.

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Carry-On follows Ethan Kopek (Taron Egerton), a young TSA officer who has become disillusioned with his job after failing the police academy. As a result, he's been "coasting", as his co-workers would say. This changes when he starts being blackmailed by a mysterious traveler (Jason Bateman) into letting a mysterious suitcase pass through the baggage scan check by doing... nothing.

Kinda like Rebel Ridge earlier this year, this action film has been all over social media lately. People have been praising it, for the most part, saying it's one of the best iterations of the "Die Hard on a [insert place/vehicle]" trope. I like those kind of films so I knew it was just a matter of time before I checked it out, and now that I did, I can say I agree.

Carry-On is, indeed, a pretty efficient and sleek action thriller. It might not have the racial and socio-political undertones of Rebel Ridge, but it's not trying to either. What it offers is edge-of-your-seat tension, a thrilling cat-and-mouse game, and some solid action, and I think it pretty much succeeds in that. I do like what little it has to say about "coasting" through life, and "not giving up", but it's main goal is to keep you on your toes.

Part of why it all works lies in director Jaume Collet-Serra who has a deft hand in directing these type of action thrillers. He does a pretty good job of using this airport to provide several effective setpieces, as we see Kopek running around trying to save the day while the mysterious traveler finds ways to thwart him. Both Egerton and Bateman offer some simple, but compelling performances.

As good as Collet-Serra is, there are one or two scenes where the logistics of time and space, and where the characters are doesn't really add up. Plus, as it is customary with these films, there is a good amount of convenient occurrences and plot contrivances that require some suspension of disbelief, and I also think it could've been 10 or 15 minutes shorter. None of these issues are big enough to detract from the fun, though.

The cast is rounded out by Sofia Carson, Danielle Deadwyler, Theo Rossi, Logan Marshall-Green, and Dean Norris; most of them actors I've seen and enjoyed in other projects. This film might not be the most "demanding" project for them, but they do a pretty good job anyway. On a similar note, Carry-On might not be the most "demanding" film, but what it does it does really well; plus, it's free on Netflix. All you have to do... is nothing.

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The Little Drummer Boy follows young Aaron (Teddy Eccles), an orphan who spends his days playing his drum and dancing with his farm animals. That is until Ben Haramed (José Ferrer), a ruthless scammer, kidnaps him to force him to be a part of his traveling troupe of performers. All this puts Aaron in the path to meet the Three Wise Men and eventually Baby Jesus.

This is yet another short I decided to put to my kids. I must have seen this back in the day, but I really didn't remember it, so I was surprised by how dark it is. After all, it follows an emotionally scarred child that witnessed the murder of his parents. As a result, Aaron has vowed to hate people; ALL people.

Like The Small One, this short gives us another fictional perspective of the birth of Jesus, as we follow Aaron and Ben, until the climatic visit to the manger. The bleak story made it interesting for me, and my kids took it as well as they could. Also, the voice work is solid, especially from Ferrer.

The other asset from the short is the impressive stop-motion animation used. As expected, it is a bit janky here and there, but for 1968, I thought it was really well done with some really beautiful shots in the last act, as well as a pretty emotional conclusion to Aaron's story. I thought that his realization of the error of his ways was as powerful as it could be for a 25 minute animated short.

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