Keyser Corleone's Movie Memoirs

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Very cool that you took the time to watch and review 7 Robin Hood movies My feather plumed hat is off to you I haven't seen all of those, though it sounds like great fun watching all those and really getting into the Robin Hood story.

Nicely written review of The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) Errol is the man! And was one colorful guy both on and off screen, so I'm glad you picked up on his screen presences, he had oodles of screen presences and I love that movie myself.



Very cool that you took the time to watch and review 7 Robin Hood movies My feather plumed hat is off to you I haven't seen all of those, though it sounds like great fun watching all those and really getting into the Robin Hood story.

Nicely written review of The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) Errol is the man! And was one colorful guy both on and off screen, so I'm glad you picked up on his screen presences, he had oodles of screen presences and I love that movie myself.
Thanks. It's a real shame no Robin Hood after that held a candle to him. And even 80 years after that one, this new one apparently sucks badly, as I expected from that "blockbuster" trailer.



Saw this article, made me think of your Robin Hood Week:

The Definitive Robin Hood Power Rankings

They put the Disney one on top... and directly about Errol Flynn! This guy's just going off his nostalgia for that one?



Bohemian Rhapsody (2018) - Directed by Bryan Singer

"Now we're four misfits who don't belong together, we're playing for the other misfits."



I'm a music man. Always have been, always will be. I've heard over 4,000 music albums, most of which are some brand of pop or rock. So for me, a music biopic is something that shouyld have more focus because they make such amazing stories. I would go crazy for a Michael Gira biopic... but you know what? I'm glad Bryan Singer made one for the lead singer of rock band Queen, Freddie Mercury: Bohemian Rhapsody.

Bryan Singer's wonderful biopic recounts the career of Freddie Mercury, known for his large mouth and powerful voice. As he joins a local rock band, turning them into Queen, his ambition drives them to mak a record, becoming a success. But Freddie must have thought trying to get experimental songs like "Bohemia Rhapsody" was stressful enough. As he struggles with his newfound sexuality, he struggles with drugs, personal relations, and eventually the desease that would take his life.

I like learning, to an extent. And I find that I learn more through documentaries and historical films than I do reading. Although Bohemian Rhapsody took a couple of creative liberties (or retcons, concerning Freddie's ficticious three year leave from the band which was actually the recording of Hot Space and The Works), the movie itself was very stylish and touching. Seeing Freddie battle with his many demons made a man feel human. And yeah, he was a gay man in the 80's. But that wasn't all. Any straight man can get addicted to drugs, or surround himself with pseudo-friends who like him because he's paying them, or even get into a fight with his bandmates. By seeing Freddie suffer, you suffered. He made you live.

This sharing in suffering by have been because of the incredible performance of Freddie by Mr. Robot actor Rami Malek. This man is an acting genius. When he was on screen, you didn't see a sillhouetto of a man, you saw the real man. I didn't see Rami Malek. I saw Freddie Mercury. This was one of the most realistic performances I've ever seen, and he drove the movie like he was in love with his car.

Though I have to admit, while I'm not a homophobe I felt like the movie focuses a little too much on Freddie's sexual struggles when there were a lot of things he was struggling with, almost as if Singer blamed his gay-hood. Perhaps some of his problems did arise from his struggling with loving a woman with all his heart, but loving men with his junk, but there was so much more to him. At least there was enough emphasis on his AIDS.

And I must say, the movie had a very happy ending. Instead of going on until he died, it ended with their part of the Live Aid concert, which boasted lip-synching as accurate as an eagle after bread crumbs. The whole cast nailed it on that scene, even if Rami Malek was a show-stealer.

Bohemian Rhapsody is something I'd revisit many times, and it's not just for the Queen songs. It's for everything. While there are flaws, like imbalanced focus on Freddie's problems and lacking development for the rest of the cast (which I can forgive to an extent because it's a Freddie Mercury biopic), it's one of the most enjoyable and heartwarming films of the year. Even if you're not a Queen fan, check it out. I mean, when has Bryan Singer done a bad movie? And this is supposed to be one of his worst.




The Crawling Eye (1958) - Directed by Quentin Lawrence

"You watch on the screen, see what happens."


Everybody knows Mystery Science Theater 3000, the show where a guy and two robots talk through the worst movies ever made. MST3k is one of my favorite shows, and I sometimes watch it just to see the terrible movie since crappy movies amuse me. But the shows first episode almost felt like the show had not reached its proper ground, because the first episode's featured movie, The Crawling Eye (known internationally as The Trollenberg Terror), is NOT one of the worst movies ever.

In this classic 1950's independent film, a monster that surrounds itself in clouds in the Trollenberg mountains terrorizes climbers, killing one of them. As a woman gets a strange sensation from those mountains, scientists try to unearth the secrets of the mountain, unaware it's a giant eyeball.

OK, since this was the first MST3K episode ever (unless you count season zero), I expected a crap-fest fit for popcorn and laughs. But it was actually an OK movie. I was very interested in it after the plot twist at the intro, which was fairly well delivered. And there was some story to the film which kept me interested in where the film would go. It took some science into account, kept the characters occupied and never doing nothing, and did what it could to connect them, dispite some unexplained questions that will never be fully explained. I still don't understand why that woman had the visions.

And I'm going to get this out of the way: the effects for the monster were awesome for 1958. If you're gonna make a crawling eye, that's practically the way it needed to look. Even some Star Trek costumes were cheesier than this. The way that creature was made was the best part about the whole movie, because I was expecting something like terrible stop-motion or a big plastic doll. The realism of the creature made the film a little more exciting than I anticipated.

As for the criticism, it's enough to warrant a severe cut from its rating. The acting and characters weren't that spectacular. If I had to fault the movie for anything, it would definitely be the flatness of the characters. Sometimes they were so dull ina cting and development to the point I considered turning off the film. No movie should ever make that mistake.

Well, that's my review for the first MST3K film, The Crawling Eye. Its a little boring, but more well developed than most, if not all of the movies featured on that show. I'd welcome a remake if they put more focus into the character.




Jack (1996) - DIrected by Francis Ford Coppola

"I don't have very much time these days so I'll make it quick. Like my life."



Just so you all know, I adore the films of Francis Ford Coppola. He's a real inspiration for me, and I take whatever examples I can from his films. Of course, sometimes that can be a little hard when he does a movie where he puts in a lot less technical an substantial effort. Such films are not common for him, but there's a really good example of this right here: Jack.

Jack tells the sentimental story of a boy who's cells are aging at four times the normal rate of an average boy. In other words: he's a ten-year-old boy who looks like a 40-year-old man. His parents have hidden him from the world, but he longs to be out there in a real school. When his parents reluctantly grant him his wish, he gets more than he bargained for as he sees what the real world is like.

During the intro, the plot gets a bit preposterous. I'll probably take that back if I found out something just like that happens in real life, but it's very hard to believe for a movie that's not a "fantasy," or even a "low fantasy." Still, it does set up a sentimental plot with a lot of good boys-being-boys scenes like mixing whipped cream, spaghetti and worms in a bucket and eating it, as well as having the old guy walk into a store and buy adult magazines.

Maybe I shouldn't complain too much. I do want to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The best thing about the movie is how well the relationships between Jack and the boys evolve as he's no longer seen as a freak overtime but as the victim of a freak occurance who needs as much human interaction as possible. The boy in the movie, Louie, turn from a typical I-wanna-do-what-I-want boy into someone who really cares about people, and it's fun to watch his evolution. It gets easy to see his trashy habits when his trashy mother (played by Fran Drescher) comes on the scene. And the acting on everyone's parts were fine for the movie. I thought the kids were the best part of the acting.

Why don't I think Robin Williams (Jack) was the best actor? Simple. For a guy who's wonderful at playing a childish adult, he had so much more he could've done and they just made him feel unintentionally autistic and awkward. This is what happened with all of the veteran actors. Bill Cosby was a freakin' paper cut-out. No character development. I admit, the scene where Jack walked into a bar seemed interesting, if not predictable. It showed him being more open to the adult world.

Oh, yeah. The story, while sentimental, failed to go anywhere people didn't already expect it to go. These are all things we've already seen on Saturday morning cartoons that take place in school, and there are no surprises in store for anyone. In fact, the movie uses the same "clouds are moving to quickly to represent fleeting time" trick Coppola already used in his 80's film, Rumble Fish. He ran out of ideas, so I guess he tried to branch out into family movies.

I guess if you want some sentiment, that's easily the strong point for Coppola's Jack. But don't get your hopes up. This movie is easily one of Coppola's worst and uneventful/less innovative films. One's got to expect a lot more from Coppola, but I guess everyone has their weak points.




The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004) - Directed by Stephen Hillenburg

"I'm a goofy goober!"



Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of the famous Nickelodeon series Spongebob Squarepants, passed away today at 57 years old due to Lou Gehrig's disease. Spongebob wasn't just another classic Nickelodeon cartoon like Rugrats or The Fairly Oddparents. The sponge himself is an icon in modern society, and may very well be the modern Mickey Mouse. The show isn't any good without Hillenburg (the seasons without him got lame at times), so I'll honor him with a review of one of my favorite childhood films: The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.

The world's favorite sea sponge has worked at the burger restaurant, The Krusty Krab, for years, and he's excited to become the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. But his boss, Mr. Krabs doesn't give the job to him because Spongebob's still a kid. Then, when Mr. Krabs' rival, Plankton, steals the mighty King Neptune's crown and pins the blame on Mr. Krabs, Spongebob sets out with his best friend, Patrick, to get the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs before Plankton rules the world!

OK, Nickelodeon movies have never been up there with The Godfather and other similar movies, but they've had a good catalogue overall. The Spongebob Squarepants Movie might be the studio's best movie. It gives fans exactly what they want from a Spongebob movie. It's got all the right kinds of humor such as Patrick's stupidity bordering on sassiness, Spongebob's naivete, occasional slapstick and gross-out humor, one-liners, animation from the team that brought us Ren and Stimpy, the Spongebob works. And most of it is hilarious, which is why I've watched it so many times as a kid, and even in my early teen years because it's a bit hard to let go of Spongebob.

The movie's sense of stupidity in terms of real-world logic versus cartoon logic matches that from the cartoon series. We get to see David Hasselhoff manipulating the world around him with his Baywatch infused meme-hood, and the absurdities of "cyclopses" terrorizing the creatures of the sea for the sake of making knick-knacks. And of course, the magic of mustaches is never something to sneeze at. :P

I guess if I had to criticize it, it would be a very simple criticism: it's not the best Spongebob episode. If you're making a 90 minuteSpongebob episode, you should expect a couple of the gags to get old, or some of the gags to be chuckle worthy. When comparing it to other comedy movies, let's just say for a really good absurdist comedy, it's not Monty Python and the Holy Grail. From a more artistic criticism, it doesn't give us anything new to the comedy table except a Spongebob movie. And while I have no complaints about that, don't expect the best movie ever from a movie based on a cartoon. It's a rarity, like The End of Evangelion.

Despite my criticism, I still have to say it's great that the first Spongebob movie was so funny. That's all a person can really ask for from a Spongebob movie, and it delivers the desired package well enough to qualify as one of, if not the best Nickelodeon movie there's been so far. Stephen Hillenburg will be missed by the world, and we're glad he gave us something to love in this sad world that we often forget exists: something that makes us really happy. That something, or someone, is Spongebob Squarepants, who lives in a pineapple under the sea.




Sonic the Hedgehog (1996) - Directed by Kazunori Ikegami

"There is only one Sonic."



OK, so there's this new Sonic the hedgehog movie coming out next year with Cyclops, a Parks and Rec guy, and Jim Carrey as Eggman. Sounds like crap. Why don't we ever get any great video game movies? I mean, most of them are about as good as this OVA I saw a long time ago as a kid.

In the first ever Sonic the Hedgehog "movie," Sonic and Tails are told by their nemesis, Dr. Robotnik, that a metal version of himself has taken over his lair, Mobotropolis, and relies on Sonic and Tails to get it back and take out the Metal Robotnik. But the whole thing may very well be a trap to use Sonic to complete Dr. Robotnik's greatest invention yet: Metal Sonic.

OK, this was cheesy. I mean, it was the cute kind of cheesy where you'd get early 90's anime shows for babies, but it's not really a satisfactory cinematic experience for a Sonic fan. We have a hard enough time getting that with the TV shows, what with the closest thing being Sonic Mania Adventures (which does NOT deserve 4.8 on Imdb and should be higher. Thanks, review bombers).

There's a little bit of that early 90's classic Sonic vibe in the setting and the music, but that's really as far as the childhood nostalgia is pushed. I don't think any of the zones from the video games are even mentioned in the movie. Only Robotropolis is mentioned and that's a place from the comics. The plot doesn't really have much to do with the video games other than focusing on the original characters. The new characters, like the monkey president and his daughter Sara, are just annoying. The Old Man Owl was a little funny, though.

But the movie didn't really feel like a movie after the opening credits. I mean, yeah, it's an OVA so I shouldn't expect much, but the whole cinematic feel ended after literally two minutes. And the voice acting is terribly cheesy. Tails sounds like he's got a nose up his nose, Dr. Robotnik is too cheesy to feel like a mad scientist, and Sonic's voice is probably the most underwhelming English voice he's had so far. I mean, without him, the worst we have is probably Jaleel White who wasn't bad. And then we had Double D from Ed Edd and Eddy as his singing voice.



Well, I just reviewed a pointless OVA for the sake of thread filler (or maybe fodder), but I'm gonna say this: I'd rather watch this than wait for the new movie coming out. At least we get something reminiscent to the original video games, and it's pretty cute to watch if you're a kid. Otherwise, you might just find this 54 minute OVA a laughable hour and another OK attempt at a Sonic TV franchise.




Edge of Tomorrow (2014) - Directed by Doug Liman

"What I am about to tell you sounds crazy. But you have to listen to me. Your very lives depend on it. You see, this isn't the first time."



Time travel movies are very hard to do properly, because it's painfully easy to break the rules of time travel. When I was a kid, I noticed Back to the Future doing it fairly often, and it didn't even help About Time because the rules were broken constantly from what I heard. But Edge of Tommorow doesn't have to worry about that, and leaves a lot of room for the characters, story and action!

This action-packed sci-fi romp based on a Japanese novel takes place during a war with an alien race called Mimics, who are winning the war. After Major William Cage threatens his egotistical general to keep him out of the war, the general falsifies records and puts him in the middle of the battlefield. While fighting with the aliens, he's infected by their blood, and finds that he goes back in time to the same moment everytime he dies. When he finds out a famous soldier named Rita Vrataski, A.K.A. the Full Metal Bitch, was once affected by the blood but lost the ability, she teams up with Cage to find out where the aliens make their base and win the war.

I didn't expect much from this when it came out. It's a 2010's Tom Cruise movie, so I expected he was past his prime and his career would end up like Nicolas Cage's career, drifting from bad movie to bad movie relying on his name to make a living while starring in big-budget CGI critic-bombs. But this movie proved me wrong in so many ways.

The story was the best part of the movie. Getting to see how a man changes was what we saw in Groundhog Day, but this time we got to see how a man saves the world and changes the world around him. He had to die hundreds of times to meet his end goal, and how he interacted with the only people he could trust and threatened those who would be quick to send him to a laboratory adds a lot of thrill to the movie, especially considering the movie builds a foundation on this rather than on the amazing battles with the aliens scattered around the movie in the right places.

The tension between Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt, or Cage and Rita, does add quite a bit to the movie's more personal feel, and all of the veteran actors make the most of their roles, especially Bill Paxton as master Sergeant Farell, who's cheery attitude during war is so charming it's almost sinister. But unlike a lot of sci-fi greats, there's not a lot of character development besides that.

Other than the character development needing further exploration, I have one more complaint which is more about the movie as a whole, and thus more important. The constant dying might get old after the first hour and a half. It's a good thing director Doug Liman made the decision to mix up the scenes right after Cage's deaths from time to time, but it still might be no surprise.

Edge of Tommorow is one of the best sci-fi action movies of the 2010's. It makes the most of its CGI without relying on it like the Transformers movies, it has a good cast overall, and puts an action-packed twist on the Groundhog Day foundation. It's an essential for Cruise and Blunt, and is one of my favorite movies of 2014.




Good review. Totally agree, really good movie. Caught me by surprise, figured it'd just be okay, but it did a good job of exploring the concept and keeping it impressively fun, despite the subject matter.



Peaceful Warrior (2006) - Directed by Victor Salva

"Life is a mystery. Don't waste time trying to figure it out."



Have you ever totally forgotten that you've seen a specific movie years ago, but somehow remember it well enough to review it? That's me for the 2006 drama film, Peaceful Warrior, which is based on a semi-autobiographical novel by gymnast Dan Millman. I'm going to review this before I forget anything about it, because I have no interest in reviewing it again since it was a bit dull at times. I remember a lot about the movie, anyway.

Local gymnast Dan Millman has trouble with restlessness. His stress and nightmares about the National Olympic Championships keep him up at night as he hopes to overcome the stress by jogging. One night at a gas station, he spots the man he just spoke to on top of the very gas station he was at! Now, this old man Dan dubs "Socrates" helps him overcome this stress.

This film was directed by Victor Silva, who's most famous deal was the Jeepers Creepers movies. He was never the best director. He tried with this film, which was easy to see, and might even be more than what can be asked of him considering his cinema history. There's some well-placed cinematography on multiple occasions. But the dream sequences came off as campy at times and distracted from the drama.

This so-called "drama" movie mostly focuses on philosophical these-and-those spewed by aged actor Nick Nolte as Socrates, who doesn't really put as much heart and soul into the role as he did the dialogue. The same can be said for the entire cast, although there are some good moments to take from it. The most important one might be that "the journey is more important than the destination." There are plenty of others which may require paying attention, which is a good aspect considering you should never lose it, even though it has a few dull moments.

But the real problem with the movie is how they handled the shadowy moments and the whole "mystery" aspect which would have made the movie so much better if they had put more focus on that. You never really know id Socrates is just a poorly played mysterious old man, an angel of God or a figment of Dan's imagination. And the fact that the question remains unanswered doesn't help the ending of the movie at all. If I watched it today, I'd probably hope for a similar route to Fight Club.

Well, Peaceful Warrior is an OK movie which might come close to being a must-see if you want some good morale. But other than that, it's an unintentionally campy movie where the cast and crew are doing things just well enough to get by. The movie relies on morale and mystery when the truth is the movie is more of a drama and that's something the movie forgets on multiple occasions.




I've got a new week: First-Timer Superheros Week.


This time I'm gonna be reviewing seven superhero movies that were all the first time the heroes in question made it to theatrical full-length films (so tv movies like the Bill Bixby Hulk movies don't count).


Now, these movies must meet a certain criterion:
1. They must be the first official theatrically-released movies of their kind.
2. They cannot have too many adaptations. There's a two-film max. So Superman and Batman obviously don't count. Wonder Woman might, depending on whether or not I want to see it.
3. They must come from official comics. No Underdog.


I've already got the first six movies down, and I'm watching the seventh right now. THere's no official order in which they can be in other than what I want to review first.



Keyser Corleone's First-Timers Superhero Week, Review 1

Hellboy (2004) - Directed by Quentin Tarantino

"What is it that makes a man a man?"



I'm going to get this movie reviewed before the third adaptation comes out. Hellboy is one of those more polarized movies, believe it or not. It's a Guillermo del Toro movie and it has to compete with The Shape of Water and Pan's Labyrinth. But I think it stands up very well and makes for a good philosophical and fun superhero movie. We don't get a lot of philosophy in those.

This rare kind of supernatural story centers around the son of the devil rebelling against him! 666 goes 777 in this movie where Hellboy, a demon gone vigilante for justice, must overcome his many personal troubles such as a broken up girlfriend, his desire for a more active life, and his war with a strict bureau director when he gets the chance to fight an evil religious cult and a giant-ass god they plan on summoning!

OK, it's an action movie, so I want a good amount of action with that shake known as a story, and it delivers pretty well on both sides, but usually on the action. Ron Perlman shines like an angel as the world's most famous demon going through some SERIOUS daddy issues as his rude wisecracks help set up the relations between him and the other characters with believable chemistry. And strangely enough, the other characters have their moments to shine. Jeffery Tambor's performance as Tom Manning is so good it's infuriating to see him act that way towards Ron Perlman/Hellboy. Doug Jones, paired with the voice acting of David Hyde Pierce makes for an Abe Sapien I really want to see again on the big screen (of course, I haven't seen Hellboy II yet.

The movie gets bonus points for its focus on overall philosophy and the right choices rather than religion. Religion was only used enough to symbolize doing the right thing as opposed to giving in to darkness, and never tries to hard to be a "religious" film. Good dodging. And philosophy, while hinted at in many superhero movies, never really feels like a theme until the very end. Hellboy's the movie where it's a leading story-driver at times.

And the action is flat-out incredible. The fight scenes have exceptional direction which put extra emphasis on the right angles and the right lengths of each shot so you get the full-picture. Almost nothing feels clunky in the action scenes, and we get some expert level badassery from Hellboy. This is that kind of movie that could have been a special effects buzzkill, but focused more on the action than anything.

However, there's the clincher that keeps the movie from getting the five-star rating. There's not enough development on the parts of Trevor Bruttenholm or the villains, who were only developed enough to keep the basics of the story going. I wanted to know a lot more about them, even though their roles were done very well. This movie did have great casting choices.

So, if you didn't enjoy Hellboy you must have some really high standards. This movie has a lot of things to love about your mid-2000's blockbuster. And maybe it does feel like that quie a bit, but every time period has its own aura which can either be praised or hated. It worked well for this flick, and is one of my favorite supernatural action movies, accomplishing everything movies like Constantine were trying to do at the same time, but failed.




Keyser Corleone's First-Timers Superhero Week, Review 2

Catwoman (2004) - Directed by Pitof

"To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I've been given, and so my journey begins."



I was always up for the idea of Halle Berry dressing up like that while showing off in a movie because she knows she's sexy. But the real problem is that the movie in question shouldn't focus too much on that, and Catwoman is that movie. This poses a serious problem throughout the whole flick.

This vigilante/superhero film loosely based on the DC Comics Batman anti-hero rewrites the character entirely. Instead of criminal thief Selina Kyle, Halle Berry dons the mask as Patience Phillips, an aspiring artist who doesn't seem to have any special place in the world except design ads for beauty creams. After overhearing one of her bosses planning to release a dangerous product to the public, she is killed. However, she is resurrected by an Egyptian cat who gives her the strength, agility and speed of cats and becomes Catwoman, a self-aware and fiercely independent superhero who's attitude knows no bounds.

The most inflaming problem with this movie is the potential to re-invent the character with a real superhero story worthy of a kid's comic book, but the story line falls to short and often gets intangled in the realm of egotism and cool-movie-aesthetics. The movie's too focused on filming the way Halle Berry walks and hardly bothers improving whatever CGI is needed for Halle Catwoman's more amazing feats of agility such as her jumping at great heights.

Because Halle Berry's ass is clearly the most important plot point, everything else is half-assed. The crime in question revolves around a BEAUTY CREAM, and I ask myself if that was the first half-assed idea they pulled out of their own ass! A butt cream would make a better plot point. And the romance between Catwoman and that cop is just so typical and predictable that any romance feels more like pity for the script and the characters. I mean, the way things panned out felt so typical that the only reason I had any fun was because Halle Berry was there.

Thankfully, since Halle Berry's sex appeal and charisma is undeniably important to the movie, regardless of whether or not it was focused on too much, she nailed the role and managed to prevent the movie from being a complete disaster. I'm still deciding on whether or not I prefer the acting of Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry more because both performances were excellent for Catwoman (I haven't seen the Dark Knight Rises). But to be fair, if I had to pick one based on everything Catwoman's about and how well the character played into the movie, Michelle Pfeiffer gets my vote.

Still, if the two focuses are being cool and being a cinematic calendar for Halle Berry in a skin-tight costume, there's not much of a point to the movie. Not only does this really take away any true meaning or moral of the film, but the direction was terrible otherwise. Camera angles were everywhere at once multiple times in the film and did not manage to excite me in any way.

The world's first only only Catwoman movie was a failure. I don't know if I would consider the film one of the worst ones ever made because the film is built for Halle Berry fans like me, and there were some enjoyable moments of Halle just being sexy. But if the overall direction, plot and characters suffer for it there's no point to the movie's release on a more meaningful approach. Just watch it if you're into Halle Berry. You'll probably have more fun with Catwoman than Gothika.




While I do this superhero week, I'm going to see if I can review my top 25 horror movies without the Imdb rule. I should be able to do one or two extra a day along with the superhero week.



Keyser Corleone's First-Timers Superhero Week, Review 3

Hulk (2003) - Directed by Ang Lee

"You're making me angry."



Before the MCU became the cinematic community's hottest topic, Marvel movies became very hit and miss. After the dark ages of Marvel (what I call the time when Marvel movies were pretty crappy, like Dolph Lundgren's Punisher or the unreleased 90's Fantastic Four film), the X-Men series helped bring superhero movies into a much more film-friendly light. The increase of special effects eventually launched a movement. But while we still had failures like Daredevil and hits like Spider-Man, there were some in the middle, like Hulk.

Ang Lee's superhero movie is a fairly loose retelling of the origin story of our not-so-jolly green giant with an anger problem. After scientist young Bruce Banner is heavily exposed to radiation due to an awry experiment, the army comes and questions him about his missing father, eventually making him so angry that the radiation mutates him into The Hulk, a giant green monster with the strength of, well, a country's population. Now on the run from the government, the only one who understands him is his girlfriend, daughter to General Thaddeus Ross: Betty.

There was some fun to be had about this movie, what with moments like the fight scene in the desert where Hulk is tossing tanks around, and the fight between giant Hulk-bulldogs. And as far as I feel, the story hardly got predictable unless you knew when Hulk was ready to smash.

The acting was alright, or at least this is true for everyone except Jeniffer Connely who's only good role I've ever seen was in A Beautiful Mind. It didn't really feel like the cast was giving it their all or really trying to be the characters rather than getting paid, but no one in the movie made the movie significantly worse with cheap performances.

Along with Ang Lee's skill as a director, strangely enough his technique and the unpleasant atmosphere paired perfectly with a score by Danny Elfman of all people. FOr me, that was the stand-out feature of the movie, and was more important than the decent Hulk special effects which were obviously there because X-Men launched a movement based on special effects.

But the pacing was terrible. Everything was happening slowly, and I got bored several times. No superhero movie where the leading superpower is about punching people Berzerker Brick style with extra destruction and occasional explosions should ever have to be so slow. Very bad decision, Lee.

I don't really want to say I recommend Hulk to anyone except maybe Hulk purists. But to say it doesn't deserve recommendation is like saying it was a bad movie. It was well directed, had a good story to it and made a good use of the score. But it's slow when it should be fast.




Keyser Corleone's First-Timers Superhero Week, Review 4

Aquaman (2018) - Directed by James Wan


"I am the protector of the deep. I am... Aquaman."



It was surprising enough for me to discover the director of Doctor Strange was horror veteran Scott Derrickson, and then to find a more prominent and important horror director was in charge of the Aquaman movie. I'm a fan of the film The Conjuring so I held onto the possibility Aquaman could help save the DC Extended Universe, and it may have done its job.

Aquaman tells the story of the son of an Atlantean and a human, raised on Earth by his father and the royal counselor to regain his throne. Years after rejecting this path, he becomes the superhero Aquaman. But when an Atlantean tells him his half-brother plans on uniting the people of the seas in an all-scale war against the humans, Aquaman takes matters into his own hands and sets out on a journey to reclaim an ancient trident that will secure his rightful place as King of the Sea.

This was one of the last films of 2018 I watched, and I was very pleased with the result. Now I thought Man of Steel was a decent movie, but it was too epic. This wasn't too epic; no, it was good old-fashioned movie fun almost Marvel style. What makes Aquaman so good is that rather than making an epic movie and accidentally making the film more ridiculous than DC ever got, Aquaman embraced comic-book ridiculousness to deliver some great action without letting that get in the way of the story too often.

Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Willem DaFoe and Nicole Kidman were all wonderful at their parts, bringing a reality to this fantasy world which we as human beings aren't supposed to know about. However, Black Manta didn't really add much to the plot except the possibility of a sequel and Patrick WIlson's role as Orm felt cheesy and typical of a jealous-brother archetype. This movie was really a DC version of Black Panther which, while great, was a Marvel version of The Lion King.

But if the rest of the DCEU is to be saved, Warner Bros' must do two things: get rid of Zack Snyder and take the example set by Aquaman: don't focus on the epic approach, focus on embracing DC as a comic book rather than a story about danger. I want to see more DC movies like Aquaman. In fact, I believe they should just restart the entire franchise from Aquaman and Wonder Woman, or reboot it years after the hype for the Marvel Cinematic Universe has died down, or at least a few years after Endgame.




The Great Wall (2016) - Directed by Zhang Yimou

"The TaoTei will return... when the drums call to battle, the guards leave their posts and take their positions on the Wall... that is our moment."



I know a lot of people aren't used to the idea of a "white savior narrative," but this is made by a veteran Chinese film director who dug his own hole, lowered his own standards and forgot that he made such hits like Raise the Red Lantern and Ju Dou. With this action-based Matt Damon film, The Great Wall, Zhang Yimou SOLD OUT. But, if you watch this movie expecting a fantasy-action movie that you payed for, disappointment is a lot less likely.

This action fantasy movie deals with a European soldier who comes across a great secret China has kept for years: they're fighting of weird monstrous creatures. I'm not sure if these are aliens or demons or what. Now becoming a member of this army, the European mercenary may be the key to defeating these monsters once and for all.

Just gonna say it, it was a decent movie with some cool eye-candy. And the story had some substance to it. But if you compare this to Yimou's classics, it's gonna look like a pretty dumb movie. For a Chinese-oriented movie, it feels too American and too blockbuster. It was cool to see how the soldiers of the Great Wall varied depending on the skills and weapons needed, and there was an authentic Chinese feel to the surroundings. But other than that, it feels too much like a DCEU film. However, the action does get quite exciting on more than one occasion. I had some serious fun with the suspense scenes.

Casting choices were not perfect. None of them gave it there all, even though the charisma between characters would often help brighten things up or increase drama. And the action seemed to be an occasional reliance to save the movie from being worse than it actually was, which could be seen as a success. And the behavior of the movie would shift depending on exactly what was necessary, which means the cast and crew payed attention to that. There are too many movies that don't do that very well.

To end this I guess I should say it was a decent movie if you go at it with a more open mind. It does have its problems, but for fantasy action I've seen way, way worse. If you want a great Matt Damon movie, keep to the Bourne series. If you don't mind fantasy action movies, I recommend giving this a fair shot because it does have merits.




Keyser Corleone's First-Timers Superheros Week, Review 5

Ant-Man (2015) - Directed by Peyton Reed

"Scott, I need you to be the Ant-Man."



How do you know when a company's film series has gotten so successful that they can take their most obscure characters and make a lot of money off of them by making a movie? When there's an Ant-Man film. Marvels' going to be doing that a lot, but you can count on one thing: there's a slim chance the movie will suck, and Ant-Man is an under-written but lots-of-fun movie that proves my point.

In this 12th entry in the MCU, Scott Lang is a thief who just gets released from prison, but is brought back into the criminal business when a scientist kicked out of his own company perfects a supersuit which allows the user to shrink to the size of an ant! Now he must steal back a similar suit who plans on militarizing the suit's technology.


While the movie's effects and story seemed to act as a practice run for their other effects-heavy movies like Doctor Strange, the movie has a sense of adventure and character. The viewer can quickly learn to like the characters due to the amount of effort the actors put in them. Scott Lang is that kind of stuck-up character that you want to hang around anyway because he obviously cares enough about other people. SO very early on in the movie this is the kind of thief you'd want to hang around as long as you're not wearing a Rolex.

And Peyton Reed is a director who's career deserves to go far beyond the MCU because the energy and focus he put into the special effects, while outweighing the story to a fair extent, bring ou tthe most of that MCU hype the series is known for. Basically, this movie and its superior sequel, Ant-Man and the Wasp, are two of the best examples of how the MCU is just as much action as it is story even though these movies don't have that much to do with the overall story that tangles into the mainline Avengers movies and Captain Marvel.

If Ant-Man isn't the most necessary movie to get in touch with the whole of the MCU's main story, it's still an effective and fun superhero movie that acts as a practice run for future efforts and good filler for the movie-hungry Marvel fans. If Ant-Man is one of the worst movies of this series, you've got a very solid series for a 20 movie run. To reiterate, it's not the most necessary movie to watch, but it certainly is NOT a discountable one.