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A young brave visits the chief of the tribe with a question. "Wise one, is it true you name all the members of the tribe, and if so, how is it done?"

The venerable old man replies "Yes, for over 20 years I have named each person who is born to the tribe. I sit outside the lodge, and when I hear the infants' first cry, I open my eyes and the first thing I see becomes the name. So it was with your brother Big Bear, your sister Singing Bird, your cousin Blue Cloud, and so on."

"But tell me, Two Dogs F------ why do you ask?



A van had broken down on the motorway, another motorist pulled up to offer assistance, do you need any help mate, the motorist asked, i could do, he replied, i'm taking these chimpanzees to the zoo but my van won't start so if i give you 2 hundred quid would you take them, yeah i'll take them mate, he said and put them inside his vehicle. A few hours later the van driver spotted the driver who stopped to help him and noticed he still had the chimpanzees in his vehicle so he flagged him down, hey mate i gave you 2 hundred quid to take the chimpanzees to the zoo, i know you did, the motorist said, but there was change so now i'm taking them for a pizza!



A scouser walked into a bar and got chatting to a woman, she's sexy, he thought and bought her a few drinks, as the nite wore on they were getting really close, fancy coming back to my place, she whispered in his ear, yeah luv i do, he replied, so they finished their drinks and headed for the door, i'll give you a ****job, she whispered, oh hang on luv, he said, any kind of job will affect my benefits!
LOL!



Women will be your undoing, Pépé
On a plane ride, sitting beside him, is a woman with allergies. But every time she sneezes, she wipes or nose, and THEN, between her legs.
After a few times, he asks, "Why?"
She tells him.
"I have a rather unique condition. Every time I sneeze, I orgasm."
"Wow. You taking anything for for it?"
"Yes," she says, "pepper."
__________________
What I actually said to win MovieGal's heart:
- I might not be a real King of Kinkiness, but I make good pancakes
~Mr Minio



On a plane ride, sitting beside him, is a woman with allergies. But every time she sneezes, she wipes or nose, and THEN, between her legs.
After a few times, he asks, "Why?"
She tells him.
"I have a rather unique condition. Every time I sneeze, I orgasm."
"Wow. You taking anything for for it?"
"Yes," she says, "pepper."
Haha!! 😆



You mean me? Kei's cousin?
The Devil goes to this church on a Sunday. Everyone gets scared and runs away except for the pastor and this old man in the front row. The Devil points to the pastor while turning towards the old man. "I know why he's not running, but why aren't you running?"
The old man replies, "Don't you remember? I married your sister."



A guy goes into a diner, can i order a meal, he asks, yes, replied the waitress, what is it you want, i'll have 2 burnt sausages, a slimy fried egg, the greasiest bacon you have, and a cold cup of coffee, we don't serve food like that, said the waitress, are you sure, replied the man, you served it to me yesterday!



Really? He Did? Well Brendan Fraser shouldn't exist, nor should Tobey Maguire. In fact, they should buried 500 feet beneath the earth's surface and never been seen again.

“I ran a morg.” Was the reply.




This one's better aloud, but still a fav.

A wife and her husband were doing yard work. After a while the wife felt she had done enough and went inside to take a shower.

As she got in and started soaping herself, her husband threw a pebble at the sliding door, so she got out soaking wet to see what he wanted. Her husband then pointed to his eye, then his knee, and made raking motions with his arms. (I need the rake).

His wife then pointed to her eye, grabbed her left breast, smacked her arse and walked inside. The husband, seeing this, was confused but somewhat excited and went into the house. After his wife dried off and put on a robe he asked her, "What on earth was that you did?"

"I left it behind the bush!"



What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.



You can't win an argument just by being right!
I don't see what's funny about that, same as if genders were reversed or if it was about a child. Sorry.



mattiasflgrtll6's Avatar
The truth is in here
This one's better aloud, but still a fav.

A wife and her husband were doing yard work. After a while the wife felt she had done enough and went inside to take a shower.

As she got in and started soaping herself, her husband threw a pebble at the sliding door, so she got out soaking wet to see what he wanted. Her husband then pointed to his eye, then his knee, and made raking motions with his arms. (I need the rake).

His wife then pointed to her eye, grabbed her left breast, smacked her arse and walked inside. The husband, seeing this, was confused but somewhat excited and went into the house. After his wife dried off and put on a robe he asked her, "What on earth was that you did?"

"I left it behind the bush!"
I've re-read this 10 times and I still don't get it.



You can't win an argument just by being right!
EYE (I)

LEFT TIT (Left it)

ARSE (behind the bush)
LOL. That's terrible. I didnt get it either.