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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha
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Duke Energy is currently in your neighborhood performing tree pruning maintenance in an effort to provide you with the most safe and reliable electric service available.
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Well, HERE are a few hundred synonyms for male masturbation, ranging from completely unfunny to moderately amusing. Courtesy of World Wide Wank
My favorite: Answering the Bone-A-Phone
My favorite: Answering the Bone-A-Phone
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I thought all the guys on here would want to know that here in L.A., men are going to their stylists and asking for the Javi-hair Bardem haircut from No Country For Old Men. Seems it's way cool right now. Be sure to post pics when you get yours... 
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If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
Johann von Goethe
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
Johann von Goethe
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Anyone else notice how much Solid Snake in MGS4 and Pike in The Wild Bunch look like each other?
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Iro's Top 100 Movies v3.0
I really just want you all angry and confused the whole time.
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"Now talking's just a waste of breath and living's just a waste of death - so why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
"Now talking's just a waste of breath and living's just a waste of death - so why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
I'm just wondering why there are so many banned user here in this forum?
I didn't see very many in this thread who had been banned... but if memory serves, of the ones I did see, they were spammers....
No one has ever been banned from Movie Forums without a very good reason.
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You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough.
~William Blake ~
~William Blake ~
AiSv Nv wa do hi ya do...
(Walk in Peace)
(Walk in Peace)
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Courtesy of: Steve, Don't Eat It!
Imagine a cute little silkworm all snug in his cocoon. Perhaps his name is Arthur.
He rubs his tiny hands together and thinks, "Finally. Tomorrow I get my wings!" Arthur drifts off to sleep with dreams of floating across a summer breeze... until he's unceremoniously slapped in a can, now destined to float through the intestines of a dumbass named Steve. (Cue: comical trombone.)
And so begins Steve, Don't Eat It - Vol. 9.
Someone recently told me they don't eat peanut butter because the FDA permits it to legally contain a certain amount of insect parts. This person might not want to buy a can of Silkworm Pupas. The amount of bugs in here is downright wacky.
The writing on the can is all in Korean. It just so happens that I have a Korean aunt who was happy to provide a translation.
The big red letters say "Bun Dae Ki" or "Silkworm Snacks." Apparently "Snacks" is a very powerful word. It's all you need to transform any putrid item into a fun new treat. The next time you see some kid go two knuckles deep in his nose and then consume the treasures within, don't be grossed out. He's just enjoying some Booger Snacks!
I won't bore you with every word on the can, but I'll hit the highlights...
Any words in an oval demand attention. The yellow oval on this can says "High Protein - Great side dish when drinking alcohol." I imagine this came from the silkworm marketing team when faced with the nagging question "Who the ****'s gonna eat this?!" The answer: DRUNKS!
On the back of the can is a list of bullet points. One of them is: "Warning! Some people may be allergic to silkworms, and get blotches or break out from eating the contents of this can." Luckily I can't read Korean, so I'm good.
Sadly there is no "Serving Size" listed-- ruining my hopes that the serving size might be zero.
Alright, I've stalled as long as I can. It's time for me to get pupified...
I found it odd that the pull-tab was actually on the bottom of the can, until I realized this is just a time-saver for people who'd rather open it right over the garbage.
Below is a "beauty shot" of just one of the 106 pupae found in the
can. Mmmm. Is it me, or does that penny suddenly look delicious?
The silkworm pupas gave off a subtle, nutty aroma. Not strong like my nuts after a weekend with no shower, just more like their usual, end-of-the-day twang.
These little guys only cost me 79 cents. That's a mere 0.7 cents per pupa. Quite the bargain... for a can of dead, turd-like moths... in their own gravy... why God... WHY??
The pile of moist cocoons looked so sad sitting there (like so many piles of moist cocoons will) that I decided to cheer them up. Make 'em feel fancy! One doily, some frilly toothpicks and a few dry heaves later, and I'd say mission accomplished!
With pinky extended, I chose an an extra pupy one and popped it in my mouth. The silkworm pupas didn't have a strong flavor. In fact, they had the somewhat familiar flavor of bad canned peas. With just a hint of mildew. Overall, not terrible.
But what caught me off guard was the crunchy cocoon. Silk my ass. This was like chewing on tiny bones. The good news is I was immediately distracted by the unexpected squirt of briny liquid that shot out into my mouth. A little heads up would have been nice. (Am I right, ladies?)
Having gotten the tasting out of the way, I decided to conduct a miniature pupa autopsy. Armed with an X-acto blade I carefully tried to peel away the cocoon to see what I could find. What I found was, I have the knife skills of an epileptic monkey.
The cocoon just gave way to a mushy pile of moth guts. Or as I like to call them, Moth Gut Snacks!
The best I could hope for was a clean split, right down the middle. Which is ironic, because this type of cut is referred to as a "butterfly." (See, cuz it's a caterpillar... and the cocoon with the... thing... Look I didn't say it was funny, I said it was ironic. Get off my back, alright? What did I do to you?!)
That X-Acto would go so nicely across my wrists just about now.
All of this reminded me of something I had seen in one of my sons' board books. After a bit of searching I found it in the next to last page of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."
At the end of the story the little guy emerges as a beautiful butterfly and the transformation is complete.
Please note the hole in the page. That was chewed there by my son. I used to think he did it because he was teething. Now I know he was just trying to eat the butterfly, and he takes after his daddy. That's my boy!
Alright, I'm gonna go get loaded. Who am I to disobey an oval?
But before I do, I've been feeling bad about our pal Arthur. Since he gave his life in the name of Steve, Don't Eat It, I thought it would be nice to give him the gift of flight after all.
Imagine a cute little silkworm all snug in his cocoon. Perhaps his name is Arthur.
He rubs his tiny hands together and thinks, "Finally. Tomorrow I get my wings!" Arthur drifts off to sleep with dreams of floating across a summer breeze... until he's unceremoniously slapped in a can, now destined to float through the intestines of a dumbass named Steve. (Cue: comical trombone.)
And so begins Steve, Don't Eat It - Vol. 9.
Someone recently told me they don't eat peanut butter because the FDA permits it to legally contain a certain amount of insect parts. This person might not want to buy a can of Silkworm Pupas. The amount of bugs in here is downright wacky.
The writing on the can is all in Korean. It just so happens that I have a Korean aunt who was happy to provide a translation.
The big red letters say "Bun Dae Ki" or "Silkworm Snacks." Apparently "Snacks" is a very powerful word. It's all you need to transform any putrid item into a fun new treat. The next time you see some kid go two knuckles deep in his nose and then consume the treasures within, don't be grossed out. He's just enjoying some Booger Snacks!
I won't bore you with every word on the can, but I'll hit the highlights...
Any words in an oval demand attention. The yellow oval on this can says "High Protein - Great side dish when drinking alcohol." I imagine this came from the silkworm marketing team when faced with the nagging question "Who the ****'s gonna eat this?!" The answer: DRUNKS!
On the back of the can is a list of bullet points. One of them is: "Warning! Some people may be allergic to silkworms, and get blotches or break out from eating the contents of this can." Luckily I can't read Korean, so I'm good.
Sadly there is no "Serving Size" listed-- ruining my hopes that the serving size might be zero.
Alright, I've stalled as long as I can. It's time for me to get pupified...
I found it odd that the pull-tab was actually on the bottom of the can, until I realized this is just a time-saver for people who'd rather open it right over the garbage.
Below is a "beauty shot" of just one of the 106 pupae found in the
can. Mmmm. Is it me, or does that penny suddenly look delicious?
The silkworm pupas gave off a subtle, nutty aroma. Not strong like my nuts after a weekend with no shower, just more like their usual, end-of-the-day twang.
These little guys only cost me 79 cents. That's a mere 0.7 cents per pupa. Quite the bargain... for a can of dead, turd-like moths... in their own gravy... why God... WHY??
The pile of moist cocoons looked so sad sitting there (like so many piles of moist cocoons will) that I decided to cheer them up. Make 'em feel fancy! One doily, some frilly toothpicks and a few dry heaves later, and I'd say mission accomplished!
With pinky extended, I chose an an extra pupy one and popped it in my mouth. The silkworm pupas didn't have a strong flavor. In fact, they had the somewhat familiar flavor of bad canned peas. With just a hint of mildew. Overall, not terrible.
But what caught me off guard was the crunchy cocoon. Silk my ass. This was like chewing on tiny bones. The good news is I was immediately distracted by the unexpected squirt of briny liquid that shot out into my mouth. A little heads up would have been nice. (Am I right, ladies?)
Having gotten the tasting out of the way, I decided to conduct a miniature pupa autopsy. Armed with an X-acto blade I carefully tried to peel away the cocoon to see what I could find. What I found was, I have the knife skills of an epileptic monkey.
The cocoon just gave way to a mushy pile of moth guts. Or as I like to call them, Moth Gut Snacks!
The best I could hope for was a clean split, right down the middle. Which is ironic, because this type of cut is referred to as a "butterfly." (See, cuz it's a caterpillar... and the cocoon with the... thing... Look I didn't say it was funny, I said it was ironic. Get off my back, alright? What did I do to you?!)
That X-Acto would go so nicely across my wrists just about now.
All of this reminded me of something I had seen in one of my sons' board books. After a bit of searching I found it in the next to last page of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."
At the end of the story the little guy emerges as a beautiful butterfly and the transformation is complete.
Please note the hole in the page. That was chewed there by my son. I used to think he did it because he was teething. Now I know he was just trying to eat the butterfly, and he takes after his daddy. That's my boy!
Alright, I'm gonna go get loaded. Who am I to disobey an oval?
But before I do, I've been feeling bad about our pal Arthur. Since he gave his life in the name of Steve, Don't Eat It, I thought it would be nice to give him the gift of flight after all.
Go Artie, go! Fly and be free!
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Fly for the heavens, Arthur.
Whoever it is you pray to knows you deserve it:
He's like (excuse my slightly racist tendencies) a young black child, escaping from the crushing tightness of the ghetto, drug dealings, possible hits, and guns & murder & crime to become a lawyer.
Kudos, Artie.
Whoever it is you pray to knows you deserve it:
He's like (excuse my slightly racist tendencies) a young black child, escaping from the crushing tightness of the ghetto, drug dealings, possible hits, and guns & murder & crime to become a lawyer.
Kudos, Artie.
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Other than this one word - "speechless"...I am speechless.
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“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton
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I wasn't exactly speechless.
But Korean food tins are always a good laugh, if you translate them literally.
From E-Tales: The Best And Worst Of Internet Humour
On a Korean kitchen knife: Keep out of children.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.
But Korean food tins are always a good laugh, if you translate them literally.
From E-Tales: The Best And Worst Of Internet Humour
On a Korean kitchen knife: Keep out of children.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.
-------------------------------------------
And now..
The moment absolutely nobody has been waiting for..
Stolen directly from a book:
The Best Ways To **** With Telemarketers
The moment absolutely nobody has been waiting for..
Stolen directly from a book:
The Best Ways To **** With Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you've just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start by asking you "How are you today?" ask "Why do you want to know?" OR reply with "Well, I'm glad you asked. My dog just died, my arthritis is acting up, and nobody these days seems to care.." When they start trying to sell you things, just keep inventing problems.
3. Works well if you're a guy:
Telemarketer: Hi, I'm Judy with XYZ Company.
You: (wait a few seconds) What are you wearing?
Telemarketer: Hi, I'm Judy with XYZ Company.
You: (wait a few seconds) What are you wearing?
4. If a dry-cleaning company calls you, ask:
Can you get out blood?
How about human blood?
How about goat blood?!
Can you get out blood?
How about human blood?
How about goat blood?!
5. Say "no" over and over again. Vary the tone of each one, and keep it up till they hang up.
6. Tell the telemarketer you work for the same company, and are in fact in the next cubicle.
7. If you're in the middle of dinner, tell the telemarketer to hang on. Put them on speakerphone, put the phone down next to the table, and continue with dinner. Eat loudly, talk loudly.
8. Answer the phone. As soon as you realise it's a telemarketer, put the phone down, wait a few seconds, and then scream OH MY GOD, NOOO!
9. Ask them to fax you the information, and make up a fake number.
10. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a practical joke.
"Cmon, Leon! Cut it out! Seriously, how's your mum?"
"Cmon, Leon! Cut it out! Seriously, how's your mum?"
11. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
12. Tell the telemarketer you are under home arrest, and ask them to bring you some beer.
And, finally:
13. Tell the telemarketer:
"Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably warn you, I'm completely naked right now."
"Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably warn you, I'm completely naked right now."
Enjoy!
Note: I have actually tried some of these. They work, so well.
Note: I have actually tried some of these. They work, so well.
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Courtesy of: Steve, Don't Eat It!
Just about all the ancient cultures dined on insects/bugs and many were and still are considered a delicacy - they're still on the menu in a lot of countries today.
Survival training courses teach people to eat them... I have a friend who says locus taste just like butter...
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