Is it important to be a White male in order to be considered attractive in the USA?

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I'm not worked up. I'm having a discussion. Obviously, it will strike a nerve for some people deeper than others. Unless you've been truly bullied, you only think you understand.

I was bullied for simply being chubby with a southern accent in the north, and had little reprieve. Teachers either ignored the problem or condoned it. Some even mocked me themselves. I was teased verbally, hit and kicked, stabbed with pencil tips in my buttcheeks and back. I was once cut on the hand in class.

My home life was also dysfunctional and abusive. I became increasingly truant to avoid more pain and humiliation. My schooling suffered. One time a school official explained to my mother that I was a typical hillbilly who was uninterested in learning.

I read a lot. It was an escape and I was naturally curious. I read textbooks on my own time and developed college-level reading ability/comprehension.

I know the issue well enough.
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Speaking as someone who was bullied for about 90% of his adolescence, yes, you do survive it, but at the same time, you never really are the person you could have been had it not happened. I am, admittedly, a quiet, self-conscious man who suffers from social anxiety and depression. I truly believe, that had something been done about the near constant harrassment (and not just by me, cause I certainly got into plenty of fights over it, it just gets to be hopeless when it feels like nothing you can do will stop it), I'd have turned out different, been more confident...
I suffered some bullying at school too. It has left some marks on me too. For example, when a random group of people start laughing nearby I instinctively think that they are laughing at me. I also became less extrovert as well.



That's rape. That's a whole other issue.
Arbitrary compartmentalization. Is the problem rapists or is the problem rape victims who can't handle it?



I was bullied for simply being chubby with a southern accent in the north, and had little reprieve. Teachers either ignored the problem or condoned it. Some even mocked me themselves. I was teased verbally, hit and kicked, stabbed with pencil tips in my buttcheeks and back. I was once cut on the hand in class.
School is Hell on Earth. I absolutely believe this. You're born and then you're pushed into this ungodly Hell for several years. It's a war zone. I feel bad that you were treated like that at school.

Originally Posted by Deadite
My home life was also dysfunctional and abusive. I became increasingly truant to avoid more pain and humiliation. My schooling suffered. One time a school official explained to my mother that I was a typical hillbilly who was uninterested in learning.
That bitch was being the bitch he or she was gonna be.

Originally Posted by Deadite
I read a lot. It was an escape and I was naturally curious. I read textbooks on my own time and developed college-level reading ability/comprehension.
You adapted and found a coping mechanism to improve yourself.

Originally Posted by Deadite
I know the issue well enough.
I believe you.



Arbitrary compartmentalization. Is the problem rapists or is the problem rape victims who can't handle it?
The problem is with rapists -- and bullies -- but, at a certain point, I'd say trying to be a rape victim forever and wearing it on your sleeve is probably unhealthy. It doesn't cancel out being raped, and I don't really know what it's like because I've never been raped, but again, lifelong victimhood can't be truly empowering and freeing.



The problem is with rapists -- and bullies -- but, at a certain point, I'd say trying to be a rape victim forever and wearing it on your sleeve is probably unhealthy. It doesn't cancel out being raped, and I don't really know what it's like because I've never been raped, but again, lifelong victimhood can't be truly empowering and freeing.
It's one thing to praise those who survive and thrive. It's another thing entirely to belittle the problems of people who survive but don't thrive. Being abused is not empowering or freeing. It damages and destroys people. It is even more damaging for people who have little to no support system, who also have comorbid issues of incest, rape, bullying, drug/alcohol addiction in themselves or in their family, ect.

It does them a disservice and is even more harmful to overgeneralize the complexities of abusive & self-destructive behavior. A "get over it" survivor/"poor me" victim contrast belittles real people struggling with real pain.



It's one thing to praise those who survive and thrive. It's another thing entirely to belittle the problems of people who survive but don't thrive. Being abused is not empowering or freeing. It damages and destroys people. It is even more damaging for people who have little to no support system, who also have comorbid issues of incest, rape, bullying, drug/alcohol addiction in themselves or in their family, ect.

It does them a disservice and is even more harmful to overgeneralize the complexities of abusive & self-destructive behavior. A "get over it" survivor/"poor me" victim contrast belittles real people struggling with real pain.
But, see -- I'm not trying to belittle people at all. If you're not thriving, you should work on ways that will help you do that. Being abused is not empowering or freeing, but neither is not doing anything about it to get over it. Someone could have been raped and abused as a kid -- if they're 50 years old and blaming all of their failures in life on something that happened so long ago - the rapist is dead or in jail now or whatever - yes, I believe they probably have experienced real pain, but I can't help but wonder, what if they had gone another route? What if they had just stopped seeing themselves as a victim a long time ago? Rape is bad, and the psychological effects from it may stick with you, but like with everything else, you should try to get over it. In my opinion, if you're alive, you should expect a horror show at some point somehow. Life isn't a bowl of cherries. But you absolutely should try to make life a bowl of cherries for you, and one way you can do that is by not being a victim. I know that when bad ***** happens, you shouldn't really expect to get over it right away. I'm not calling for that. Working through issues is good. But those who are also telling you to toughen up and get over it -- I know why they're saying this.



Obviously you fail to understand the nature of comorbidity as well as gloss over the very different situations people may find themselves in with on-going problems that cannot be resolved by attitude alone. Your desire to simplify and tidy up these issues according to your theorizing and abstraction is naive at best, detrimental to others at worst. There are so many factors at work that cannot begin to be addressed by your self-serving approach.



Obviously you fail to understand the nature of comorbidity as well as gloss over the very different situations people may find themselves in with on-going problems that cannot be resolved by attitude alone. Your desire to simplify and tidy up these issues according to your theorizing and abstraction is naive at best, detrimental to others at worst. There are so many factors at work that cannot begin to be addressed by your self-serving approach.
Suit yourself.



Absolutely not!



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I suffered some bullying at school too. It has left some marks on me too. For example, when a random group of people start laughing nearby I instinctively think that they are laughing at me. I also became less extrovert as well.
Not to be insensitive, from what I've read the "trauma" is really rooted in the feeling of being "defenseless" rather than the bullying itself.

Basically human psychology is very rooted in basic instincts - men in particular have a strong desire to feel competent - if someone is picked on and feels like they don't know how to stand up for themselves w/o just going the defensive this causes trauma because it makes them feel powerless.

And sadly most men don't know how to "stand up" without just going on the attack, which can lead to negative consequences - especially if you're dealing with passive-aggressive types, since they purposely try to get you to "overreact" so that they can come out looking innocent.

There's a topic available online called "verbal self-defense" which is pretty fascinating, since it explains how to "stand-up" for yourself verbally without going "on the attack" - once you know that you "can" defend yourself the attacks from others, the attacks themselves can be dealt with more effectively since you no longer feel "weak" which is every man's biggest fear.



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being an attractive white male worked out pretty well for me with the ladies. Good thing too because I don't have much game.
It's all about the face, brah



-KhaN-'s Avatar
I work for Keyser Soze. He feels you owe him.
I was bullied for simply being chubby with a southern accent in the north, and had little reprieve. Teachers either ignored the problem or condoned it. Some even mocked me themselves. I was teased verbally, hit and kicked, stabbed with pencil tips in my buttcheeks and back. I was once cut on the hand in class.
I never understood this part of your society, why can't you go to school director or something? Isn't teachers obligation to react in this kind of situation? Can't they be legally punished when as person of authority they ignore beating of a child who is directly under their supervision?

We don't have these kinds of problems in my country, everyone hates bullies and older guys from your neighborhood would have your back.

(When I say I don't understand it, I'm not dismissing it, I really don't know how your system works in that manner).
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ďBy definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is ****e, which I suspect it will be.Ē



in my country ( india ) fair skin is a decisive advantage in the romance game . darker skinned people are not considered inferior in any way to fair skinned people and are not subjected to racist taunts . but they are not considered good looking compared to whites . fair skinned people are ready to mingle with darker skinned people but are less ready to romance them .




especially if you're dealing with passive-aggressive types, since they purposely try to get you to "overreact" so that they can come out looking innocent.
And that's a good observation. An actual observation. There's also a way to get the wind to stop howling, enter the 'ignore' function. When you positively must avoid seeing or hearing a mth'r f'r at any cost...accept no substitute.