Ah Dang, I Think I Moved Too Fast

Alrighty folks, I need some advice from both sides (female and male), so if you feel like chiming in then I will listen. Also, I apologize for the length in advance.

I have been dating a girl (going out on dates...not a committed relationship) for the past two weeks, and in the beginning it was naturally a surreal and exciting time. We spent the long weekend of the 4th together, and I met her parents. She comes from a different socio-economic status than I do, so I was pretty much a fish out of water that entire weekend but did a good job of rolling with the richies. A few things came to light that caused me to reevaluate how I see my future being shared with someone (i.e. what it would mean with her). While it was a difficult thing for me to reimagine my future I was able to do it (she doesn't want kids, but I am not sure how I feel...she has some extreme views about important issues of mine...yet I look at her and feel something special).

Last weekend she was going out of town so I stayed the night with her and took her to the public transit in the early AM, and this time together was entirely different than the weekend before. I saw her on her way and for the next few days we kept in communication and during that time away from her I processed what little information I had available to me. I came to the conclusion that I had moved much too fast for my own good thus putting me into freak out mode, which is never good for me. Nonetheless, I made certain to make some time for her today after work, as it was the first day back from her trip and she will probably be slammed this weekend with work.

This brings me to where I need some advice: I bought her a card that had a friendship-esque quality to it (i.e. a good friend does this...but a great friend does this). I made sure to add a little extra to what the card said but without coming across as anything more than a friend. I spent about 2 hours with her and in the process we had our first fight. She had pulled some fries from the oven and I took ONE off the baking sheet and she flipped: facial expressions, body language, and spoken words that I had not seen/heard before that expressed obvious disappointment/anger. Naturally, I pushed the issue by taking ONE more fry from the baking sheet about 4-5 minutes later, as she was leaving the kitchen. I made sure she saw it so as to gauge her response, and it led to a heated discussion between us. I told her it was "an inbred trait" and she said she could "deal with big issues like cheating but not little issues like that one." She goes on to try and correct my usage of the word inbred in addition to ONE poorly structured sentence (in my defense...I was tired so my natural don't give a s*** attitude came to the surface resulting in the sentence).

Well, by this time I was pretty pissed and just wanted out of there, so I ended up leaving to pick up a friend from work and told her I'd call her later. I did call her later and acted as if nothing had happened and she seemed to do the same. Here are the options I have in my head so far:

• Pretend like the last time we hung out (today) didn't even happen but take that knowledge and learn from it & not bring up the too close, too fast nature of our "relationship"...but rather just cool things down by being SLIGHTLY aloof at times
• Apologize for being an a**hole by testing her response to the fry thing & speaking my mind about how I feel about how fast we are moving and the "fight" we had
• Don't apologize...but make it clear things are being slowed down by me for my own sake/emotional safety

So folks, what should I do?

__________________
"This is that human freedom, which all boast that they possess, and which consists solely in the fact, that men are conscious of their own desire, but are ignorant of the causes whereby that desire has been determined." -Baruch Spinoza

For two weeks of not really dating, but sort of kind of maybe in a way potentially seeing each other, but not exclusively... it seems to me like you're over thinking this whole exchange. And if that's the case at this stage in the game, maybe you'd be further ahead to just nip this in the bud and end it before it really causes you emotional strife and stress. Besides, if she can't handle you eating a fry off the tray that's pretty petty, but then again so is pushing such a ridiculous issue to make her angry. Don't tempt the bull if you don't want the horns, man.

__________________

There's your first problem, ignoring potential conflicts in favor of "feeling special".

There's your second problem, irrationality.

Still irrationality.


Accepting you made some mistakes here's my takeaway:

Don't date people with fry-trigger tempers armed with a stove unless you want to find yourself on a baking sheet.

Actually get to know people before you flip the "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" switch. That special feeling can blind you.

Cheat on her? She can deal with that. Eat her fries? She can't deal with that.

Sounds like she doesn't want ya. If you run off with someone else, that's fine, but if you steal food off her plate, you're dead. She wants the fries, not you. I hate being so negative, but that's what comes to mind here.

Extra info: she's busier than me and before I left she mentioned us creating a weekend routine so we could see each other. I have no problem with that but her idea seemed a bit heavy for me (sleeping over Friday nights).

With a complete monster like you? Clearly pathological.

Well, when they break up, you can date her.

I'm never satisfied with just one fry, I want the whole potato.

Some version of #2 is the way to go: sounds like she overreacted to the fry thing, but if you took the next one just to provoke her, yeah, the thing to do is apologize for that.

Obviously, the annoying thing here is that she might not apologize back for her role (whatever you feel it genuinely is) in the spat. But either way, you learn a lot about her: if she apologies for overreacting, that's great. You fought productively and both got over it. If she doesn't, well, that's pretty valuable information to have when deciding whether or not you want to keep seeing her, no?

I would completely rule out being deliberately aloof if you have any hopes or interest in a long-term relationship.

yikes,if shes already picking on you like that after two weeks,i would bail

But id go with number 1. theres no reason to have a big discussion about it,BUT you should take it with you. I think thats a pretty odd things to go nuts over in such a new "relationship" that isnt even a relationship yet. i mean im still in "politness" mode well into atleast a month after the dating started-those kind of fights would usually reserved for someone whos been together for a long time/or live together and have just been around eachother too much so the annoyance comes out from the little things. if it needs to be talked about i would crack a joke about it being a stupid fight

__________________

Until it happens again, at which point the ultimatum becomes slightly different.

__________________
Movie Reviews | Anime Reviews
Top 100 Action Movie Countdown (2015): List | Thread
"Well, at least your intentions behind the UTTERLY DEVASTATING FAULTS IN YOUR LOGIC are good." - Captain Steel

So avoiding conflicts is just polite? Somehow I have difficulty seeing myself appreciating that sort of politeness when someone who I thought I got along with suddenly decides it's no longer polite time.

That's how you wind up in scenarios like these. Full disclosure.

Time will tell. You're both gonna push each others buttons no doubt, even after years of marriage, but it's how you deal with it that counts.

__________________
Under-the-radar Movie Awesomeness.
http://earlsmoviepicks.blogspot.com/

I'd simply asker her why she reacted so strongly over taking a chip from the tray.


There's 2 outcomes.
1. She'll tell you... and you can then gauge how her mind works. Maybe she was tired or something. You yourself were tired and had a bit of attitude as you said. She might have just been the same.
2. She'll freak out, and accuse you of being insensitive... if she does that over a chip, then you'll know how her mind works.


If I was in that situation, now don't take this as something you should do, but from my own experiences with women... I'd be out the door.

__________________

3. She'll blankly deny any memory of the event and begin asking you insistent questions like "What's wrong? Don't you want us to be together?".

lol its not like turning on/off a switch though. my point is that there shouldnt have been a conlfict.Having a proper go at someone for taking fries is odd after only two weeks or dating and you dont even see eachother that often. it would be enough to just say dont take any yet. as i said-getting that angry for something like that is something i would think was more normal if there was an underlying issue.

Right. It's not about the fries.

This.
This is why I said I'd be out the door.
But that's just me.

I don't know you, but I seen your pics on the photo thread, you both look like nice people (assuming that's the same girl).

I'll give it to you straight.
That's why she blew up over the french fries. She was ready for something very serious and you backed off, which pissed her off. The french fries was just an excuse.

If you guys can't talk about what happened and why, then neither of you are ready for a serious relationship. Take it slow.