Family Advice??

I have a family matter that I could really do with some advice with. I have a 2 year old son, and I need to make a huge decision. His grandad, my father in law is going to prison. Now, he's a nice man, he will do anything for anyone, but let's just say he's not the smartest man in the world, and try's to get money other silly ways. My son loves him tho, they have a very strong bond and I don't know what to do. He's serving 4 years and my father in law has asked if he could see him every couple of months. As I said, his grandad isn't the problem, it's the idea of prison it's self.

__________________

That's a bit of a dilemma.


One thing you could do, is take your Son to see his Granddad, but explain to you Son beforehand that prison isn't a great place to visit, so you're preparing him to be a little weary of the surroundings... and get Granddad on board as well to say how horrible it is in prison.
"It's horrible in here. They feed me mouldy bread and stale water"
It'll give your Son an incentive.




The other option, is to just say no. You're not taking him to a prison. He's 2 years old, and shouldn't be in such a place.
it's your choice as a parent and only you can know whether your Son is capable of handling it.




I will say though, prisons aren't that bad tbh in visiting areas these days. They aren't comfortable like a living room filled with sofas and stuff, but they aren't as bad as the stigma suggests from years ago.
They're a Government paid system... kinda like being on an Air Base. It works, but it's not homely.

__________________

Thanks Rodent. It's really tricky. My son loves him and I don't want to break his heart. And as stupid as it sounds because he's in prison, but his grandad is actually a nice man, just stupid.

Take him once, maybe twice and see how he goes...


Still get Granddad to say how awful it is in there though.

I would say if his grandfather is remorseful and willing to take responsibility for what he has done and talk about that and the horrors of prison let him go. It could be an experience that actually has a positive effect.

If you feel he is going to be in and out your sons whole life and blames the system for his wrong deeds then keep your son away and be honest with his grandfather.

__________________
Letterboxd

He's not really at the age of understanding very much. So to him it would be like a day out, ha.

He only blames him self, he knows it was his own fault. He's actually really upset.

I would maybe go and visit first and that might make it easier for you to decide then. I pretty much agree with what seanc said too. Has your father-in-law been in before?

__________________
Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

Well, as Sean and I said... use this opportunity to sow seeds into you Son's mind... these are his most impressionable years being just 2-3 years old, you can use this to your advantage.


Don't scare him... just get Pops to play it up on how crap prison is.

If, even though he's in prison, you consider him to be a good guy then I don't see why not.

__________________
I do not speak english perfectly so expect some mistakes here and there in my messages

Nope, first time. I think I picture a prison all run down and horrible. The thought of it actually scares me taking him.

I think people who have made big mistakes but are willing to be open about them can have a very positive influence on children.

My dad was a bad alcoholic till he gave it up when I was five or six. He is the reason I dont drink as I would never take the chance of putting my kids through that.

I know your son is young but things stick. It might be good for him.

I have that impression too, thats why i would definately visit first before making any decision.

My mum was the same, she drank to much when I was a little younger. All it took was me seeing that and now I don't drink.

This is a difficult one, as a father myself I dont envy you with this decision. I would wait to see exactly what the visits are like so go on your own without your son to see exactly what its like there and if there is a 'family room' etc.Im sure there must be some sort of area where young children can go to visit. I would then give it one chance and if it affected my child in any way then I wouldnt take them again. I know my wife would not feel comfortable with our child going at all but I would give it one shot mate. I hope this doesnt effect your son to much my friend.

__________________

~In the event of a Zombie Uprising, remember to sever the head or destroy the brain!~

My girlfriend has already been for a visit. She said there was a family area, and a soft play area for kids. Maybe a visit will help me decide things.

Hope it goes well for you mate, these things are difficult and Im sure it will be fine for you all mate

Yeah Masterman. Good luck whatever way it turns out.

I think you're right here. Your little lad won't know what a prison is and he'll be happy to see his grandad as you say they have a good bond. That grandson/grandad bond is a very precious one, and if your father in law is as remorseful as you say then the visits from his little grandson will be a big help for him too on the road to rehab.
Children are innocent, taking a valauble relationship away from him seems counterproductive when families should be as supportive of each other as they can be huh? With you and your wife there your little lad will be fine
all the best
x

Thanks everyone.