The MoFo Support Group

Dude, cut your fricking plastic cards. All of them, just cut em. The delay before you get your new one will give you a break from your spending patterns/habit/compulsion. When I had quit smoking I took a pack of cigarrettes and threw them away, it took me many attempts, and actually I started back up....anyway cut up those cards Sorry bro' just trying to help.

That's an idea, Tongo... but if Cold Turkey doesn't sound appealing, try this:


Personally, I've never been in that situation where I have to spend.


But, like any addiction, I would set myself a budget. I did this with booze and cigarettes and now I don't feel the need to drink at home anymore. I was a dependent alcoholic for a while, but not any more.


Start with a percentage budget.
Like, per week you have, say, £150. Out of that you gotta pay a few bills and get food or something.
Give yourself a percentage of it to spend in sh*t.
Start with like, 20%. So that's £30 you can spend on something you "need" ("need" meaning "like").
Then, gradually knock that figure back to 18%, then 16%, then back it down 2% points per week to the point that it's not worth really buying tiny things for 50 pence that you don't need, and you may as well just not buy that crap and put the cash alongside the other mounds of cash you've been saving the past bunch of weeks.


Also, the cash you've saved, can get you something a bit bigger after a number of months, and that object, whatever it is, will be a prized possession as you've worked (saved) for it.

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do you like making lists swan? i know alot of people with anxiety do.
if you do id recommend for you to sit down and make a list
how much money do you get in monthly-
how much do you need for
1.food
2.rent
3.bills
4.stuff like toothpaste,toilet paper etc

then whatever you have left,choose a sum that you can put away each month,when its the same sum of money each month it gets easier to do without. take out the money you have left to do what you want with in cash. its a lot more difficult to part with your money phycially as aposed to when you use a card.

also like Tongo said,cut up unessecary cards.do it.also delete shopping apps.

Also i would recommend a hobby to keep you busy and that can work as a distraction when you need it. not movies because its so easy to sit and shop online as you watch it
Best of luck

A prime example of the budget thing, like I said with alcohol at home.


This weekend, later today in fact, I'm having a Poker night at mine with a bunch of the guys from the pool team.


I don't drink at home anymore, and the cash I've saved has afforded me the means and ways to get a load of crisps, peanuts, pizza and beer in and the guys will arrive later and we'll all have a nice time.


If I was still doing what I was doing a while back, there'd be no Poker night tonight.


The percentage budget thing over the past year or so, has afforded me the Poker night, and a couple weeks ago I bought Star Wars 7 on DVD.
I'll save again now for a bit, and not drink at home, and buy Batman V Superman on DVD, and a few beers, and have a day in watching the movie with a few beers.

There is wisom here. If he was able to circumvent booze & cigs with his want for money, then hell yeahs! Thats using your own addiction against itself Swan, kinda.

I'd like to answer with something sarcastic like "poverty cured me of that."

But, Swan, you probably already know that your compulsive buying and feeling that you always need the next thing represents some area of lack, unresolved past situation, or insecurity in your life. That's what you really need to focus on discovering and addressing.
I'm sure seeing a therapist will help in that regard.

In the meantime, you said you wanted to start working on savings & finances. Here are some quick tips:

1. First, take an account of all your assets and record them so you can see your "net worth," as it were, all in front of you.

2. Start a record of all your spending (this practice serves as a form of feedback that can help you gauge your behavior & show you where you may be overdoing it or need to improve).

3. Create a budget for your spending based on your income and bills (which you should prioritize). Your luxury or entertainment items should be in last place after all your bills. You can still have these material things in your life, but once your responsibilities are met, you can determine a weekly or monthly allowance to spend on things you enjoy. Then stick to that allowance.

4. As part of your budget, determine an allotted amount to take from your income (if you're lucky enough to have one) to put into savings - and do this religiously. This comes right after your most necessary bills on your priorities list, but before spending on luxury items. Financial experts call this "pay yourself first." At least 10% of your income should automatically go into your savings - this will pay off years down the road.

5. Seek some professional advice. There are lots of resources. You could simply go to a bank and speak to a banker who might explore options on where to put your money so that it can be working for you to meet its optimal earning potential. Or you could seek out an accountant or a stock broker to look into investing.

6. Don't use credit cards unless you intend to pay them off in full every month - by paying the minimum payment you are accruing interest on your credit bills and basically paying more for everything you buy.

Also Good for you The Rodent! well done

All my money goes to bills and rent so i dont have this specific problem
i kid,but not really. i need to find a better paid job.

Amazing how four different people simultaneously came up with the same basic ideas (individuals ones or sets of them) for advice.
I guess this is why common sense starts with the word "common"!

It's really all a matter of discipline, and like any discipline it seems daunting in thought, but once you start it, it's really pretty simple and pretty easy.
Starting is the key. Sticking to it is the next step, but you can't stick to it if you never start.

Thanks guys, a lot of good advice to take in here.

I'm actually compiling similar tips for a book I've been working on (more like a "pamphlet" at this point since it's not in chapter form, but more like a huge list of ideas or reminders a person can turn to when they're feeling lost)...
Don't have a title yet, but its working titles are "Coping with Unemployment" or "Living on Almost Nothing."
And the focus is not just on the financial aspects, but on the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual ones as well.

also if anxiety is something you struggle with it strongely recommend working out if you dont already.

Yes!
Regular physical exercise is the #1 most effective treatment for depression and / or anxiety.
Following up with a daily practice of meditation or relaxation exercises is pretty good too!

Hope you get help and are feeling better soon

__________________
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

I think to start I'm just going to keep track of my spending and budget the sh*t out of everything. Because I started doing this

and found it's good medicine. Seeing that you're spending money on three useless things in the less than 12 hours can be somewhat eye-opening. I ended up canceling one of those orders (the other two were music on iTunes, can't really take that back).

I got a budgeting app on my phone and will also start a budget on excel, just because I like doing that and spending the time to do it might prove beneficial.

On top of that, I'm working to declutter. I think being around less stuff, and focusing more on actually getting enjoyment doing the things I love with what I have, instead of seeking that enjoyment with new things, will help with the spending.

Feeling pretty motivated to turn this around right now, hopefully it'll prove successful.

Good suggestion, Steel.

I don't know how possible it is for you Swan, but I've always found the best way to deal with spending (or not wanting to) is to deal with cash. It works on the same parts of the brain as pain activates.

There's a good three part documentary about this kind of thing.



There's also a 'fat' and 'thin' version of this, which is equally interesting.

__________________
5-time MoFo Award winner.

Insofar as there's any silver bullet to any kind of addiction, it seems to be: finding something you love more than the addictive habit. They don't tell people in twelve step programs they're worthless and that they need to hate their addiction to get rid of it. They tell them they need to find something they love more that it's interfering with.

So that's what I'd recommend: what do you love to do, or be, that spending too much prevents?

I've always been kind of nervous about money, probably because I grew up poor and my parents didn't try to shield us from it much (we were usually very aware of financial difficulties, of which we had many). So for me, the thing I love is the feeling of safety and security in having saved, and knowing I have enough to get by for awhile if something goes wrong. Remembering the times when I didn't, when I was growing up and when I first moved out on my own, helps keep me in check.

Eventually, when you find this, you simply have to compound it with habit. Habits are very dangerous, but not because they're bad: just because they're powerful. The good thing, then, is that you can turn them in your favor, though it can be difficult. But you can get in the habit of good things, too.

And I'm back. It's been a tough few weeks, but my family have pulled together. I've been pretty much paralytic since the funeral, but we all deal with grief in our own way. It's good to be back.

Glad youre back Slob

Welcome back SFS
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