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Part of the reason I spend a lot of time here is that I take film seriously (like most of us). It is a major aspect of my life. Iím also an unemotional person (some would say a psychopath), and that means films are pretty much the only thing that incites an emotional reaction from me.

I realised quite recently that being so attached to any kind of art is an isolating experience. There is almost no one I can truly share anything I like with, because chances are, theyíll ruin it for me. When I was a kid, my parents indoctrinated me into film, Iíll give them that. But I very quickly came to take the lead and after I turned 16, Iíd pretty much always be the one introducing them to all things cinema. The same applies to my entire friendship group and even my colleagues.

It recently struck me that itís an unfulfilling and counter-intuitive thing to do. Mad, basically. The dominant emotion for me when I show someone a film is the desire to share my admiration. Naturally, I am prepared for difference of opinion, critical discussion and whatnot. There are films I love that those close to me detest and vice versa. But there is a specific lack of appreciation that is hard to classify and that truly hurts on a physical level. I was watching something 20 minutes ago with someone who commented on the actressí hair, something along the lines that the woman wouldnít be able to keep it in such perfect condition and so well-curled without help in the house (itís unambiguous that thereís no help living with them). And thatís going to sound crazy, but that killed the entire film for me, though Iíd seen it a few times before and loved it.

I canít explain why - Iím not the suspension of disbelief kind of person, so itís not that it Ďthrew me out of the storyí, or anything like that - but I know from experience that from now on, if I ever watch it again, Iíll be thinking about her hair, coming up with arguments for and against whether sheíd really be able to do a blow dry like that every day, and so forth. To many that will sound ridiculous, but itís pure agony, like being told Santa is not real when youíre a child, I guess. Incidentally, I think the reason the woman has such perfect hair is grounded well enough in the narrative, but the fact I mention it just goes to show. Itís not about her hair, of course, but about that feeling that you canít control how others perceive something - nor should you want to - and consequently, any attempt to share something you love leaves one extremely exposed. I never really thought about it like that before.

There are certain benefits in watching films in company, new perspectives, POV exposure, sure, Iíve always thought so. But today I wondered for the first time if there isnít a kind of masochism to it. It seems aficionados can only really relate to and communicate with other aficionados, because such people at least know how to be tactful and not to ruin someoneís enjoyment. Even if you hate a film, you know how to sit it out and not to affect someoneís perception, then maybe express your view politely. Such experiences are worse than any kind of spoiler, but itís the same sense that you canít get back what people take from you.

No, Iím not yet high (thatís Friday), just very annoyed. Can anyone relate at all? Have you ever wished you havenít shown/shared something? Itís not as simplistic as reading people your poetry and expecting them to love it. Itís not your art and you donít own it, but you expect a level of respect, I guess. I donít know.



Can anyone relate at all? Have you ever wished you havenít shown/shared something?
If it helps, I do believe there are a number of MoFos here who think and feel the way you do about film...so you're in good company. I'm glad you're here. I don't personally feel the same way you do about film, but I can respect that you wrote how you feel and you wrote a very clear and precise OP. I guess I just wanted to say something nice to you We haven't really talked much before but hopefully we'll talk more in the future.



If it helps, I do believe there are a number of MoFos here who think and feel the way you do about film...so you're in good company. I'm glad you're here. I don't personally feel the same way you do about film, but I can respect that you wrote how you feel and you wrote a very clear and precise OP. I guess I just wanted to say something nice to you We haven't really talked but hopefully we'll talk more in the future.
I appreciate it. Made me smile. Canít say I always feel so strongly about it, either, but just now, I had an utterly visceral reaction to that entire interaction. Iím still on the floor in physical pain of some sort and with heartburn (no kidding). I suppose Iím not having a good time generally and environmental factors do make a difference. And I know Iím in very good company here, of course. High society. weíll hopefully talk more in future, Citizen.

At least the post makes some sense. I really am curious if anyone else feels that way.



I understand where you're coming from pretty well. I have a paradoxical relationship with art in that at its root the whole concept of it makes me feel connected with the rest of a world I'm totally alienated by. But because my particular preferences and opinions about art are so eccentric and extreme in their obsessions, I end up cutting off any sense of communion I can get through sharing my experiences. But (once again paradoxically), this makes me love art even more. Because it's good for us to have differences, as long as we can relate on the passion. I've learned to simply find that sense of connection with those who similarly love the medium as much as me and don't worry too much anymore if my particular tastes are similar. Because that really isn't the important part. This beautifully futile striving for connection is.



I understand where you're coming from pretty well. I have a paradoxical relationship with art in that at its root the whole concept of it makes me feel connected with the rest of a world I'm totally alienated by. But because my particular preferences and opinions about art are so eccentric and extreme in their obsessions, I end up cutting off any sense of communion I can get through sharing my experiences. But (once again paradoxically), this makes me love art even more. Because it's good for us to have differences, as long as we can relate on the passion.
We can, thatís why weíre here, but I donít know if other people do (or rather, I strongly suspect they donít). But then, why should they be expected to? Itís odd. I relate to the unorthodox obsessions part, believe me. But I never tried to share that, just the more relatable parts.

I've learned to simply find that sense of connection with those who similarly love the medium as much as me and don't worry too much anymore if my particular tastes are similar. Because that really isn't the important part. This beautifully futile striving for connection is.
Thatís very wise. Iím nowhere near that stage psychologically. Something to think about. I wouldnít say Iím looking for a connection per se when I do it (share art), I think I want to give something to someone, like art is a gift. That in itself is arrogant.

And the thing is, in this particular case that totally screwed my evening over, it worked. The person loved it. Theyíre ecstatic about the film, thanked me, and probably forgot the bloody hair conversation ever happened by now. Thatís the supreme irony of it all. But you could well be right that it all stems from wanting to connect and thatís why itís so hard to shake.



Re: do I feel this way. Yes and no.

Yes in the sense that it's often obvious to me that someone I'm talking to about movies is not approaching them the way I try to. Which is to say, they're often approaching them as pure entertainment, just something to fill time with, rather than works of art. And to be fair to them, a lot of the films they watch are better categorized as entertainment than art. There are certainly moments where other people's seeming ignorance of film's potential, however, is disappointing.

No in the sense that it doesn't bother me much in the abstract that these people exist, for a simple reason: there are lots of things I don't care about as much as film. In a lot of cases, a person who doesn't think of movies as more than entertainment is probably spending their thought and time appreciating something else. Somewhere out there is a person whose favorite movie is Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but who has a much finer understanding of the intricacies and beauty of woodworking than I ever will.

I'm being a little charitable here, because there are obviously people who go through life on a Dunning-Kruger rampage, not only failing to appreciate something we do, but not even grasping that it has the potential to be more, or maybe even finding the idea silly. And there are people who don't really try to deeply appreciate film, woodworking, or anything at all. And when I encounter those people, I share your frustration. But I think/hope these people are still fairly rare, and that in many cases each person who I wished loved and appreciated film more probably has something else on their mind, as opposed to nothing else.

And it can kinda-sorta be spun into a positive, I think: movies can be so many things to so many people. Think of all the things they can be to you, as someone who really loves them; think of the old movie poster "it made me laugh, it made me cry" trope. Not only do they have range in the type of emotion, they even have range in the level of emotion, which is to say they can choose to be disposable. They have the range to make you happy or sad and the range to be profoundly insightful or mere amusement. And I'm kind of glad they do, in the same way I'm kind of glad junk food exists, even though I wouldn't think much of someone who consumed it all the time.



All that said...I cannot tell you how many people over the years, on this very site, have said some version of "I'm here because I can't talk to anyone else in real life about movies the way I want to." You have a lot of company in that regard.



All that said...I cannot tell you how many people over the years, on this very site, have said some version of "I'm here because I can't talk to anyone else in real life about movies the way I want to." You have a lot of company in that regard.
Yeah, I gathered I wasnít being original there. But thatís good to know. It really is a gem of a website.



My own movie watching journey is like a road trip...and I love road trips...Like a road trip I value seeing what's up around the bend and just over the next hill. I like movies for discovery. I'm a movie explorer. I don't often watch movies more than once and I really don't have any movies that hold any real deep meaning for me. Though movies have certainly moved me and made me ponder. But mostly I like watching movies as my own personal time machine. I can't go back to the 1950s or to the roaring 1920s but I can visit real moments that occurred and were captured and sealed in film, much like a fossil insect trapped in amber. Movies are magic like that.



Registered User
This reminds me of trying to watch TV with my wife. She can only handle about two of my comments before she tells me to shut up. I can't blame her since I can't stand what she watches. She doesn't like my Beavis and Butthead addiction, so we both have our own TVs. It works out best that way.

I think this is true for any number of things that one appreciates, but others don't. My daughter doesn't appreciate my inability to appreciate EDM (electronic dance music), and certainly could do without my comments on how her favorite Korean boy band members aren't real men because real men don't wear guyliner and lipstick.

As for the general idea of somebody or something ruining the ability to buy into a movie, I imagine we all have different knowledge that makes it impossible. Somebody might be a history buff which can ruin an otherwise good semi-historical movie. A good example of that for me are those ridiculous teacher movies. I'm a teacher, so dead poets society is unwatchable. Everybody else is watching the damn thing and thinking that Professor Keating is the greatest teacher in the world, while I'm watching it and thinking that my students generally don't commit suicide or getting expelled for something I taught them. Let's not even mention school of rock which I've never been able to make it through thirty minutes before giving up.


Oh, and if you're wondering, the greatest teacher in the history of cinema is Mr. Hand. I can only sit up and take notes on how a class should be taught every time I watch fast times at ridgemont high.



I’m also an unemotional person (some would say a psychopath), and that means films are pretty much the only thing that incites an emotional reaction from me.
I can relate to this, at least. For me, this also leads to giving very little importance to other people's opinions, so I'm not bothered by their possibly negative remarks concerning my favorites.

I can somewhat relate to your example of someone's hair being unrealistic, though. I nitpick and focus on meaningless details too much. At times it seriously affects my ability to enjoy almost anything. Your specific example isn't something that would bother me (I'm mostly haunted by perceived logical flaws in the world, story, or character behavior), but I can see the point.

Otherwise, I mostly agree with @Yoda (I usually do, he's smart that way). I just don't do the division between entertainment and art. For me, art is sort of a snobby word for entertainment, and the difference between an entertainer and an artist is in the words they use to describe their creations. Most of the revered art from the old days was commercial entertainment of the day.
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This reminds me of trying to watch TV with my wife. She can only handle about two of my comments before she tells me to shut up. I can't blame her since I can't stand what she watches. She doesn't like my Beavis and Butthead addiction, so we both have our own TVs. It works out best that way.
Well, guess what, Iím taking notes on that. No shortage of TVs in my household but somehow theyíre all being watched together which doesnít help. I do try to limit my comments when Iím with someone who doesnít get it, but sometimes it is quite fun to discuss as you watch, so I donít blame you.

As for the general idea of somebody or something ruining the ability to buy into a movie, I imagine we all have different knowledge that makes it impossible. Somebody might be a history buff which can ruin an otherwise good semi-historical movie. A good example of that for me are those ridiculous teacher movies. I'm a teacher, so dead poets society is unwatchable. Everybody else is watching the damn thing and thinking that Professor Keating is the greatest teacher in the world, while I'm watching it and thinking that my students generally don't commit suicide or getting expelled for something I taught them. Let's not even mention school of rock which I've never been able to make it through thirty minutes before giving up.


Oh, and if you're wondering, the greatest teacher in the history of cinema is Mr. Hand. I can only sit up and take notes on how a class should be taught every time I watch fast times at ridgemont high.
Thatís fair enough. Agree re: Dead Poets, passable film, but what a joke of a teacher & classroom environment.

Incidentally, how did Walter White do in your book? I always thought, as an outsider, that BB did a pretty good job showing why academics & highly specialised researchers make lousy teachers, but WW was fascinating to watch in the classroom.



Re: do I feel this way. Yes and no.

Yes in the sense that it's often obvious to me that someone I'm talking to about movies is not approaching them the way I try to. Which is to say, they're often approaching them as pure entertainment, just something to fill time with, rather than works of art. And to be fair to them, a lot of the films they watch are better categorized as entertainment than art. There are certainly moments where other people's seeming ignorance of film's potential, however, is disappointing.
I see. I suppose I am capable of seeing films as both art and entertainment (perhaps I would even say I always do), so Iím more with @pahaK here.

No in the sense that it doesn't bother me much in the abstract that these people exist, for a simple reason: there are lots of things I don't care about as much as film. In a lot of cases, a person who doesn't think of movies as more than entertainment is probably spending their thought and time appreciating something else. Somewhere out there is a person whose favorite movie is Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but who has a much finer understanding of the intricacies and beauty of woodworking than I ever will.

I'm being a little charitable here, because there are obviously people who go through life on a Dunning-Kruger rampage, not only failing to appreciate something we do, but not even grasping that it has the potential to be more, or maybe even finding the idea silly. And there are people who don't really try to deeply appreciate film, woodworking, or anything at all. And when I encounter those people, I share your frustration. But I think/hope these people are still fairly rare, and that in many cases each person who I wished loved and appreciated film more probably has something else on their mind, as opposed to nothing else.
Doesnít bother me that they exist, either. Itís more about whether to engage with them, but I guess not doing so would take something from me, too. I used to be very open to that sort of thing. I guess thereís a danger of turning into thought police yourself and watching what people say, which is awful and uncalled for. But the other extreme is just watching things alone all the time, which is a bit sad, but which I prefer anyway. One rule Iíve had for over a decade is to always go to premiere screenings alone to appreciate the Ďrawí version without anyoneís input ruining it. A bit sad too, and although thatís the safe bet, youíre running the risk of existing in a solipsistic reality of sorts.

And it can kinda-sorta be spun into a positive, I think: movies can be so many things to so many people. Think of all the things they can be to you, as someone who really loves them; think of the old movie poster "it made me laugh, it made me cry" trope. Not only do they have range in the type of emotion, they even have range in the level of emotion, which is to say they can choose to be disposable. They have the range to make you happy or sad and the range to be profoundly insightful or mere amusement. And I'm kind of glad they do, in the same way I'm kind of glad junk food exists, even though I wouldn't think much of someone who consumed it all the time.
Fair enough. Hopefully Iíll get to that stage one day where I can think like that. Itís genuinely insightful and impossible to argue with. I guess I either donít have the patience or take things too personally.



Registered User
Incidentally, how did Walter White do in your book? I always thought, as an outsider, that BB did a pretty good job showing why academics & highly specialised researchers make lousy teachers, but WW was fascinating to watch in the classroom.

A friend constantly tells me about breaking bad and how I'm missing out, but I only watched a few of the first episodes before bailing, so I can't comment on Walter White.



A friend constantly tells me about breaking bad and how I'm missing out, but I only watched a few of the first episodes before bailing, so I can't comment on Walter White.
I mean, I imagine it must be a bit of an odd one if youíre in the teaching profession. Probably complete bollocks re: how he actually teaches, but Iíve always thought it was reasonably well-researched, so perhaps they did dodge a bullet after all in terms of making it totally unrealistic.



Iím also an unemotional person (some would say a psychopath), and that means films are pretty much the only thing that incites an emotional reaction from me.
Agrippina lies down on a couch & is asked How do you feeeeel when others suggest that youíre a pyschopath?
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Iím here only on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays. Thatís why Iím here now.



Speaking from a couch: How do you feeeeel Agrippina when others suggest that youíre a pyschopath?
Love this. Over the years, I havenít noticed any sort of reaction in myself when that happens. *Shrug*



You call yourself “unemotional”, but I perceive you as one of the most intense people here. You have a visceral reaction to things that most people wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about.

Humor me: Scorpio or maybe Aries?



Originally Posted by AgrippinaX
Iím also an unemotional person (some would say a psychopath), and that means films are pretty much the only thing that incites an emotional reaction from me
AgrippinaX has anyone actually said you're a psychopath?Or did you mean that rhetorically?
You call yourself ďunemotionalĒ, but I perceive you as one of the most intense people here. You have a visceral reaction to things that most people wouldnít give a ratís ass about.
I have to agree with Stirch, Agrip doesn't seem to me to be a psychopath as fair as I understand the term.