B-Movie HoF II: The Sequel!

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Women will be your undoing, Pépé
WELCOME BACK @Joel
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The Beastmaster (1982)

Hell yeah! Great fun, I enjoyed it!...I've heard of this movie so many times...it use to play on cable literally everyday when I was a youngster, but somehow I never got around to watching it. Though some of the scenes like the eyeball ring-creepy! and the mischievous & cute ferrets were familiar to me. So I'm glad to have finally watched this after all these years.

Marc Singer might be an A$$ in real life, but I liked him here. He was not only really good at doing the action scenes, he did the small comedy lines well too, I liked his character. And his bond with the animals made the movie for me...A topless Tanya Roberts helped as well I'd never seen John Amos in anything other than the TV show Good Times, so I was surprised to see him here, and he's real personable and likeable. So was Rip Torn, as the evil high priest, a great baddie. Oh and I dug the shooting locations and that pyramid was pretty darn cool and the big fight with the flaming trench, damn that was impressive!

A fun movie, that I'm happy to have seen @MovieGal


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I didn't read any of the reviews before watching and had practically no idea what I was going to see (based on the name and Youtube preview picture I assumed it's some kind of a kung fu film). And yeah, it did manage to surprise me

No major spoilers but I do reveal the concept of the film so maybe you should watch it first.

The Dragon Lives Again (1977)

So Bruce Lee is dead and wakes up in the Underworld. The place is ruled by an incompetent king. There's also a group of villains who seek to overthrow the monarch and take control for themselves. It gets little weird once we learn that these bad guys include people like James Bond, Clint Eastwood, Emmanuel and Dracula. They're lead by an exorcist of some sort and it doesn't take too long for these scum to get into collision course with Bruce Lee.


Dracula with his zombie minions.

First of all I give the film thumbs up for its completely insane plot. It gives that rare WTF feel when you're watching it without any prior knowledge. Unfortunately it fails to keep things interesting outside of the initial confusion and soon becomes very boring. There are nice concepts like Dracula and his zombies but there's almost zero effort to utilize them in any interesting or funny ways.

If the story drags severely then so does the action. I'm not a particular fan of the old kung fu films but the fights in The Dragon Lives Again are very badly choreographed, often too long and completely uninteresting. Only decent moments are the stupid gimmicks like zombies and mummies. Cinematography sucks as well and it completely fails in its attempts to mimic the styles of the villains (like the spaghetti western close-ups during the fight with Eastwood).

Great concept ruined by unimaginative script and terrible technical execution. A film like this should be fun, not boring.



I so wanted this to be better but it bored me almost to death. I was constantly waiting when the fun really begins but the film never stopped dragging. Even the boobs didn't manage to make it good.



WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!
Recorded all the audio for mine tonight Im putting a tentative share date of Tuesday or wednesday on it in the mean time Im stuck recording Christmas episodes right now (Which feels very inappropriate) xD


But *Hopefully* all being well this weekend I can finally start to sink the last 6



Man, I can't wait to watch all of these shltty movies!

Geeeeezusss!


Just kidding (sort of)

Oh, and HUGGGE thank you to @Citizen Rules, AGAIN!...for taking the task of updating all the reviews and giving me links in which to edit the landing page with! You sir, are AWESOME!

I'll try and get that whole ordeal sorted on my next day off..might be another week at this rate, but I will. Gotta make that paper. " I'm gonna go get the papers,..get the papers..."



Man, I can't wait to watch all of these shltty movies!

Geeeeezusss!


Just kidding (sort of)

Oh, and HUGGGE thank you to @Citizen Rules, AGAIN!...for taking the task of updating all the reviews and giving me links in which to edit the landing page with! You sir, are AWESOME!

I'll try and get that whole ordeal sorted on my next day off..might be another week at this rate, but I will. Gotta make that paper. " I'm gonna go get the papers,..get the papers..."
My movie isnt ****ty... @Citizen Rules proved it!



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Beastmaster






B-Movie Rating

Here's the thing about this movie. It's great. While I remember the sequel a lot better, it doesn't mean that this film isn't a "classic" b-movie in my eyes.

A ripped Marc Singer doing his thing. A beautiful blue eyed Tonya Roberts doing her thing. A laughably over the top Rip Torn doing his thang. This film is fun and the nostalgia ran high while I was re-watching it.

I still love Dar's bird call, always thought that was cool and badass.

Still get upset at the death of one of the ferrets, yet for some reason they're inexplicably back in the sequel.

The weirdness is all still there, with bad make-up effects on the hot, yet ugly witches at the beginning. I laughed at a lot of this, yet I wasn't laughing AT the movie. If that makes any sense to anyone.

This film and Cherry 2000 have the highest budgets, so it looks a lot better than some of the other nominations, the barren landscape and set design help that too. The poster reminds me of my dad's old fantasy novels, great artwork.

Great recommendation.
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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews



Beastmaster






B-Movie Rating

Here's the thing about this movie. It's great. While I remember the sequel a lot better, it doesn't mean that this film isn't a "classic" b-movie in my eyes.

A ripped Marc Singer doing his thing. A beautiful blue eyed Tonya Roberts doing her thing. A laughably over the top Rip Torn doing his thang. This film is fun and the nostalgia ran high while I was re-watching it.

I still love Dar's bird call, always thought that was cool and badass.

Still get upset at the death of one of the ferrets, yet for some reason they're inexplicably back in the sequel.

The weirdness is all still there, with bad make-up effects on the hot, yet ugly witches at the beginning. I laughed at a lot of this, yet I wasn't laughing AT the movie. If that makes any sense to anyone.

This film and Cherry 2000 have the highest budgets, so it looks a lot better than some of the other nominations, the barren landscape and set design help that too. The poster reminds me of my dad's old fantasy novels, great artwork.

Great recommendation.
Thank you.

Again I had fond memories of this from my childhood but looking back...its cheesy as hell.

They don't make these anymore. No audience for Sci-fi fantasy barbarian films.



Beastmaster



B-Movie Rating
A beautiful blue eyed Tonya Roberts doing her thing.

Still get upset at the death of one of the ferrets, yet for some reason they're inexplicably back in the sequel.
Loved the film but bummed when one ferret died, (the actor ferret was fine of course). I felt better when I seen the ferret babies. BTW was Tonya Roberts bottomless in a quick scene? Or just my imagination

Again I had fond memories of this from my childhood but looking back...its cheesy as hell.

They don't make these anymore. No audience for Sci-fi fantasy barbarian films.
I love these kind of films and only in the 80s did you get them. After the 80s it's like film makers forgot to have fun while making their movies.



Survivor 5s #2 Bitch
Cherry 2000



This has flaws typical of B movies, bad acting, disjointed and bizarre plot, completely inconsistent momentum. Yet it doesn't lack a budget or production values that most of the noms here do that make it kinda forgivable. A bit like with The Child, it isn't impressive enough to be objectively good, nor terrible enough to be nonsensical and fun.

The leading actor was godawful in my opinion. Had he been convincing, I think some of the major flaws wouldn't have been so bad or glaringly obvious. I think I was meant to believe he loved her in a Deckard-loves-Rachael kinda way, but his delivery made his whole character really kinda creepy. I thought I had accidentally started watching 'To Catch a Predator' or a Crimewatch reconstruction.

However, it does begin to improve when other characters really start to come in the mix and the action gets going. But I agree that Melanie Griffith attempting to land one liners was a bit tiresome during action sequences, but I thought she was a bit of a scene stealer outside those parts.

Weirdly enough, I never really got bored watching this. At first it was like watching an old woman falling on some ice. You feel like you should do something or at least not look, but you decide not to against your better judgement, try not to laugh and accept you're going to hell for it. Then the world building at least intrigued me. That was the film's strongest aspect in my opinion, it's wacky but you can tell whoever wrote this really tried to build a world that supports what happens on screen.

This had positives and negatives for me, but on the whole this gets a not good, not bad M. Night, Busey and a Nic Cage from me



Additional thoughts:
The opening was like Philip K Dick meets E.L. James
The bar was like a Madonna video/John Wayne crossover. I liked it. 10/10 would visit.
Melanie Griffith trying to tell someone to stay out of sight when she had hair so bright I had to turn my lighting down was fun.
Melanie Griffith sure loved her gum... and now I really wanna know what brand the gum was and which flavour because that's where my thoughts wander to watching something like this I get the feeling she'd be a tic tac woman, but one of those quirky flavoured tic tacs.
I like Lester's use of sandwiches as a coping mechanism
100% believe Cherry had just finished auditioning to be an extra in a Jane Fonda workout video based on her outfit.



Jack Frost (1997)

I loved the opening. Nice and creative way to set up the story as well as make use of slight macro camera movements around the ornaments.

This is a silly comedy. There is no suspense or real terror aside from a few semi-gory moments. The premise is ludicrous, and for the most part, the acting is standard issued grade B, perfectly at home here in this true b movie, but with a seriously LOUD wink.

I thought some of the stunts were high camp and stylized - like the execution vehicle collision with genetic engineering truck. The camera spins, the characters spin, too.

I'd say that the director knew full well what he was doing, even going so far as to include proposed sound bytes about the film, written as text, into the final credit crawl sequence.

Maybe the film pats itself on the back too much as being a cult classic essential, but it was a little bit of fun sitting through this. Not much suffering from this viewer, anyway.

Some choice comedy moments were there. Like, when the FBI chief asks the witness to "take a midnight stroll" with him at the scene of an accident. We see the reaction of the traumatized witness and he looks up at the chief with a faint smile in his face and lifts his hand up as if to ask for the chief to help him up and begin the "stroll". The chief looks disgustedly down at him and walks away like Lone Wolf McQuade.

A few moments of things like that happen in Jack Frost, and they really got me chuckling.

There's a sequel to this. I may or may not check it out. But a solid nom, nonetheless!



Right on Joel thanks for doing all that work. Looking good!

I need to watch me a few more B movies, I believe I have these to go:

Night of the Creeps (1986)...TheUsualSuspect
The Editor (2014)...CiCi
The Beast Must Die (1974)...Sidon
Jack Frost (1997)...Hashtagbrownies
The Burning (1981)...cat_sidhe
Hunter's Blood (1986)...Joel
Cherry 2000 (1987)...CR

I'm saving the best for last



WARNING: "post" spoilers below
Continuing with a film I last saw from rental VHS tape when it was new...

No major spoilers but if you're really touchy about that stuff you may want to wathc the film first

Night of the Creeps (1986)

A horror comedy that's more interested in paying homage to iconic horror directors than being funny or smart.



Strange slugs fall to Earth from a spaceship. They like to nest inside brains and lay some eggs. For some weird reason they also animate their dead hosts until eventually their growing offspring bursts the head open. Combine these scifi zombies with below average college/ fraternity comedy and you get Night of the Creeps.

This is not a good movie by any standard. The script is just stupid and dialogue tries to make every scene funny but its success rate is pretty low. If naming the characters after well known horror directors is the pinnacle of Dekker's creativity there's very little chance for witty bantering. I was actually surprised to see that the director/writer Fred Dekker was already in his late twenties at the time because the film really felt like some teenager's tribute to his idols.

When compared to better horror comedies like Bad Taste or many Troma films Night of the Creeps feels lackluster. In addition to its dull writing its ideas lack proper insanity and uniqueness. It's almost like it has nothing of its own to offer and it's content to be a half-assed replication of former works whose only defense for its shortcomings is "we're not serious, dude".

That looks a little rougher than I actually feel but it's hard to get nuances right. It's just that I dislike it when artists don't even try. It's not particularly terrible for what it is but still bad. The black-and-white intro in the 50s is the best part of the film.



If The Child yesterday was an example of great B-movie this is an example of bad B-movie. There's no ambition at all and there's no risk of failure when the film is already done as a joke (and I don't mean it being just a comedy).


Very insightful review, and sadly, although I have a special place in my heart for this film, I totally agree. You've said what I've been thinking for years now, much to my discontent.

BUT...my review will not reflect all of what you said because I have a rabbit in my hat!



Ha, that youtube video reminds me of an old Charlie Chaplin silent film. But yeah, like you say if you can slow it down .75 it might run at normally speed. Some DVD/BluRay players can do that and I think VLC media player can too.



THE BURNING


Weinstein bros rip off Friday the 13th with decent character development and hire the keyboardist from YES to perform the arpeggiated horror music. Make up is Tom Savini. This picture features a young (and not bald) George Costanza, and someone who looks like Yeardley Smith, but is not Yeardley Smith. Also starring Fischer Stevens, who is prepping for his role as a Pakistani scientist in Short Circuit - 5 years into the future.

Interesting medley of talent on display.

The movie is decent. I'm not a fan of gruesome murder unless the murders are surrounded by good writing, humor, or great photography, music and/or other things that levitate the thin material otherwise. (see The Church by Michele Soavi)

The Burning has a little bit of all of these things, but not too much of anything at the same time. It's an adequate cash in on the original campfire premise of Cunningham's Friday the 13th. It's edited by Jack Sholder, who would later go on to make the best Nightmare on Elm St entry (part II), as well as the magnificent 80's crime thriller sci fi The Hidden.

I can't say I "enjoyed" The Burning, but it kept me hanging on, waiting for it to completely play out. There was no clever twist but I didn't shut it off. I mean, how could I? It reached the end by the time I had any say on the matter.

It has its merits. It was OK.