Omni's Random Video Noise

Beef Burrito, Chicken Wings, Baby Back Ribs, Eel, Camel's Hump, what in the ****.

It's unfortunate that Chan would go on to be very dismissive of much of his American work, I imagine Battle Creek Brawl was a cruddy first experience and studios' eagerness to culturally charge his appearance in an American setting (even though it was handled pretty evenly in Rumble in the Bronx) pulled comedy to the forefront, sacrificing the action stuntwork Chan is known for and personally enjoys.

I've always been put off myself by the racial humor in the Rush Hour movies, I really don't find lines like "you don't ever touch a black man's radio" or Chan saying "what's up my *****" funny, they're just feeble attempts to stir the effervescent melting pot at best and cringe-inducing at worst. It's also far FAR from Chan's best action work.

That said, and as much he may deny it, Rush Hour has easily got to be one of his best movies. Chan's movies almost always tend to drag narratively, the action sequences, spectacular as they may be, are the dying pulse that encourages viewers to endure the rest of it's idle nonsense. The race humor in Rush Hour isn't funny, but neither is the usual immature slapstick we tend to find in his other movies.


Jackie Chan's likable not just because of the jokes, or even the insane stunts he performs, but because brings a charming passion to each project, and at least that doesn't feel absent here. Starring alongside Chris Tucker tends to be the dividing point with these movies, save the diehard Chan fan who daren't suffer a movie with any less than 3 kung fu fights in it, you either love him or hate him, at least that seems to be how it comes down, but I for one feel that while yes, he can become extraordinarily obnoxious, it's a gradient, in the first Rush Hour he is quite tolerable.

What really works here is that both of these actors aren't really playing characters terribly far beyond their own personalities and they're such clashing personalities that they're naturally perfect to compliment each other. Call backs to whether one speaks determines whether they can speak and dialog about their respective fathers who they looked up to as policemen only to have it come down to "my dad could beat your dad" contest are great. Tucker's charisma and resourcefulness really gels well with Chan's determination and skill, at least when it comes to the job, which is the entire point of the movie.

There's also something special about seeing these two fish from either sides of the pond liking very different music, but can agree that they both enjoy War by Edwin Starr enough to warrant a training montage.

Kissing, Sausage, Chicken, Eggs, Pizza, Milk, other crap.

I now see where Iro got that gif of Chow-Yun Fat giving the thumbs up.

So let's solve this mystery: how is it that Chow-Yun Fat is not only in the movie, but front and center of the promotional material in a sequel to a movie that wasn't even remotely about his character, yet he still DIED in?

Is it a prequel? No.

Did he survive? Multiple gunshot wounds to the chest for that long?

Please, let's be realistic, obviously Mark had a previously unmentioned IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER NAMED KEN, yeah, so, we're not gonna take this story quite as seriously are we?

So the plot this time involves Ho and Kit conscripted into dealing with a new counterfeiting gang that has assumed control. Both of them go undercover, Ho through his old connections and Kit through a feigned interest in a suspect's daughter.

Kit's wife is pregnant and she's still the same pouty sock puppet as before and yet this information doesn't appear to penetrate Kit's skull when he out of nowhere decides it would be wise to take his fake girlfriend home to his wife. Spoiler warning: it's not. Both of them pull Monogamy Syndrome on him and this subplot immediately aborts because the girlfriend is killed off shortly after.

The girlfriend is the daughter of suspect, Lung (not to be confused with actor Ti Lung), who turns out to be Ho's Uncle and is quickly absolved of suspicion when an "escaped" Ho asks to stay with him only to be rebuked and told to turn himself and start over after he's paid his dues in jail.

Unfortunately, despite being cleared, Lung's property is in demand the counterfeiters cleverly frame him for a double homicide which he himself isn't entirely convinced he hasn't inadvertently committed.

Lung escapes to America where a church is massacred by his assassins and he's inexplicably framed AGAIN. Okay, I bought the first time because you showed it, but it made no ******* sense this time, the police found him unarmed and cradling a wounded child in his arms and they pin the whole thing on him? Especially when there are SURVIVORS who can testify that he was working there before gunmen suddenly shot the place up?


Lung, struck again, FOR SOME REASON, by guilt with the situation I guess eventually finds himself resigned to the fact that his daughter's never coming to America to join him (given that she's dead, having been killed by a traitor) and this just destroys him.

I'm not talking about introverted or uncommunicative or even emotionally unstable, the guy becomes a twitchy drooling IDIOT. But hold on, because we're in a America and this is where we meet Ken, who is essentially Mark, but does a whole lot more mugging.

Our introductory scene to Ken is gangsters trying to shake him down at his restaurant for protection fees and we get a hilariously ill-conceived argument in rough English which delivers such classic quotes as "**** YOUR RICE!" and "EAT THE ****ING RICE!".

Ken eventually, somehow, becomes aware of Lung and we have a staggeringly agonizing second act in which Ken needs to coax Lung to eat food who now has a permanent dopey expression on his face and now seems completely confounded by the mind-bogglingly difficult concept of PEELING AN ORANGE. I'm not kidding Ken needs to REMIND THIS BASTARD WHAT CHEWING IS.

They're supposed to bond over this. Look, I don't care if you witnessed your entire extended family have their skin flayed off in front of your eyes with a cheese grater. 1 of your friends died in front of you, your daughter maybe died offscreen, and you witnessed a couple random people die as well. I don't give a **** if you even think it's YOUR FAULT, this isn't post traumatic stress, this is ****ING STUPID.

Every mentally handicapped person I've ever met can handle the mind-blowing epiphany of CHEWING, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!!

Stand the **** up, growing a ****ing spine, SPEAK, like you ****ing know what language is, and if a chimpanzee can outwit your ability to eat a ****ing orange then pick something else off the floor and ****ing eat it, Ken dumped the entire ****ing fridge out onto the ****ing floor because you couldn't ****ing handle ****ing EATING!!!

It's FOOD! This isn't some guy who's become so depressed and self-loathing that he's lost the desire for self-preservation, HE'S A RAVING LUNATIC!


THE ****!? Right out of ****ing nowhere, just as suddenly as it came, it went, apparently all it took was seeing Ken take a bullet in the arm to turn his constant dragging roiling stupidity into roiling RAGE and cure him.

Ultimately, Ho, Kit, Ken, Lung, and Dude #5 combine to create a dream team bent on busting this counterfeiting gang, but Kit meets Ken (where he delivers such brilliant lines as "don't speak of the dead in a cemetery" which is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life) and sees a shooting star superstitiously saying it ominously fortells his doom.

Oh? Kit is dumb? Glad to know that, I can care about him less now if he dies.

You'd think, as I did, or at least hoped, that given the surprise twist ending of the first A Better Tomorrow that this is a red herring and that Kit actually won't die.

But he dies.

...

Okay, so... you foreshadowed a twist...
TOLD US you're foreshadowing a twist...
and then did exactly that twist.

How is this even remotely a worthy follow-up to the original?

I suppose it earns some points for the big and slightly disjointed shootout in which everyone, including the good guys, inexplicably manages to get shot, but doesn't necessarily kill them like 99% of all other action movies.

It all ends with Ho, Ken, and Lung all armed, bloody, and sitting in recliners surrounded by dead bodies as the police arrive. All I can say, is that despite the odd scene that actually plays into the themes of the original, such as when Ho is forced to prove his loyalty by shooting Kit, it's a far inferior sequel.