argh.pirate: CineWeekly Reviews

As you can see from the title, these reviews will be weekly (usually Tuesday) in hopes of making it to the member review section. I like to recommend movies instead of just bashing the horrible ones so I won't feature anything below 3.5/5. Every now and hen I will share a post of my "One Tweet Movie Reviews" which includes movies of all ratings. Movie synopses end at a certain point to give you an idea of whether or not you'll like the movie and spoilers will be labeled.

Layer Cake

Before he was Bond, Daniel Craig was literally a no-name character in Matthew Vaughn's directorial debut, Layer Cake. Credited only as XXXX, Craig plays an everyday businessman whose commodity "happens to be cocaine". He lives by a specific set of rules, set out in the opening narration, which are tested as he takes on one last job before retirement.



XXXX has earned his place as a well respected middle-man among his peers by not dealing in the drug business as a common gangster but as a professional. Every move he makes has been carefully thought out in advance so that he's in control at all times. He knows who he's dealing with and he does so promptly and with a low profile and without greed. But in the criminal underworld, moving on isn't as easy as giving your two weeks notice.

Jimmy Price, his superior, sends him to clean up after the sloppy street thugs that he's strictly avoided. They've screwed up a deal involving a million ecstasy pills but that's only part of the job as he must also find Jimmy's own boss' daughter. But XXXX has paid his dues and, having worked his way towards the top of the layer cake of life, he has a few resources to help him live out his motto, "Have a plan and stick to it. Quit while you're ahead." This kind of association with shady characters is the beginning of interweaving stories of half-truths and backstabbing in a world where everyone is only looking out for himself.


I read a lot of reviews so that I can guarantee I bring you something unique. It seems like the basis for judging Layer Cake has been Guy Ritchie's Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, probably because director Matthew Vaughn produced both. I don't think this is entirely accurate though outside of the occasionally hard to follow cockney accents and non-traditional gangster premise. The characters in those movies are in many ways the opposite of Daniel Craig's smooth, level headed character seen here. I didn't notice it until afterward but there's hardly even any gunplay and Craig makes it a point to mention that he doesn't like guns, much less two smoking barrels.

Layer Cake, instead, is in a class all its own. It's gritty and unpredictable yet suave and choreographed. Though it won't make complete sense until all the plotlines come together in the end, it's a very enjoyable movie. What may seem confusing and aimless at first makes for a clean and well rounded story with an ending that suits it perfectly. That's why I give Layer Cake a 4/5. "But I thought you liked the movie, why only a 4?" Let me put it this way: Casino Royale is a 4.5/5; From Russia with Love is a perfect 5/5.

Beauty and the Beast

For Walt Disney Animation Studios, the 30th time's the charm. While some may love the 29 feature length animated films that came before or the 21 that have come since, I prefer Beauty and the Beast. I could write a whole article on why it's better than 'The Lion King' or 'Aladdin' (a close second) or even the classics like 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' or 'Cinderella', but I'll save that for later. This review is strictly about a tale as old as time.



Before I get to the actual movie, I have to comment on the amazing quality of this transfer to high-definition and the amount of extras included. Having missed out on the first DVD release (stupid Vault Disney), I was completely blown away by the clearest picture I have yet to see on this latest format. It's easy to see the texture of every brush stroke skillfully put into this groundbreaking fairy tale. Some techniques for the computer generated effects (made for Disney by Pixar) were first put to use in this 1991 feature and they hold up admirably today. You can learn all about this and just about every other aspect of the filmmaking process in the nearly three hour long documentary 'Beyond Beauty'. That's on top of the featurettes, audio commentary, and other extras!

One of the oldest fairy tales, La Belle et la Bête, is masterfully adapted by Disney in this Academy Award winning animation. Long ago, a young prince selfishly refused shelter to an old beggar woman who then reveals herself as a beautiful enchantress. She cursed him to the form of a monstrous beast for judging her not by her inner beauty but by her outward appearance. If he did not find a woman to love him in his frightening embodiment by his 21st birthday, he would be doomed to live the rest of his days as the Beast.

Some time later, Belle, the beautiful young bookworm in her little French village is looking for more out of life. She is unimpressed with Gaston, the town "lady's man" who will do anything to get her to marry him despite all the other, more voluptuous, women pining for him around town. Belle's father, a loony inventor, sets off for the fair with his latest contraption but soon gets lost in a thunderstorm. He finds his way to a dark castle and is promptly taken as prisoner by the terrifying Beast. Back home, Belle learns that her father is missing and traces him into the castle where she pleads with Beast to let her take the old man's place. He agrees knowing that, despite his raging temper among other things, he must find a way for her to fall in love with him.


The unfolding story is accompanied by a number of memorable songs including one that earned Alan Menken and Howard Ashman (posthumously) an Oscar. Angela Lansbury does a great job in that particular song as does Paige O'Hara, the voice of Belle, on others. Though Beauty and the Beast may at first seem like a girly or children's movie, it isn't at all. Not only does Beast sing (in a manly way) in 'Something There' but the rest of the plot always has a sinister feel looming over even the sweetest of moments.

If your children have grown up only on Pixar movies, you owe it to them to share this treat of traditional animation. Nothing about the timeless story has aged obviously and you know there's magic when Disney is beginning to revert to this style of filmmaking. The entire family has something to love about this movie and it will have you on the edge of your seat in suspense to see if "'Twas beauty killed the beast". That's why I give Beauty and the Beast a 4.5/5.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Of all the famous duos throughout history (Bonnie and Clyde, Laurel and Hardy, Siskel and Ebert), one of the coolest has always been Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I'm automatically partial to anyone with a first-class nickname and it comes with merit too. The movie just wouldn't be the same if they had to call it "Robert Parker and Harry Longabaugh". While it's not hard to find cooler outlaws in real life, this classic star powered team brings a fresh likability to their characters.



Paul Newman and Robert Redford get top billing in the 1969 George Roy Hill western, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Hill would later work with the two on The Sting and each of them separately on several other occasions. But it's here that the pair get to act in roles from author / screenwriter William Goldman of 'The Princess Bride', 'Chaplin', and 'The Stepford Wives' among others. He earned the movie one of it's four Academy Awards for Best Original Screenplay though it's the charm of the two stars that holds the film together.

Sundance (Redford) is known throughout the west as one of the fastest and most feared gunmen around. His introduction in the opening scene may still be my favorite in the whole movie. His partner Butch (Newman) is the one with the fast mouth that's either getting himself in trouble or getting Sundance out of it. They both seem to be at crossroads in their advanced train robbing days but neither really makes the effort to make any change either way. That is, until fate intervenes in the form of, Union Pacific head, E. H. Harriman's relentless posse.

Butch and Sundance, even with their experience, can't seem to shake off the trailing lawmen that results in a quickly shrinking distance between the two and nearly 30 minutes of screen time. It makes for an exciting chase but the only thing we really learn is that the group may be lead by the tough Joe Lefors and a famous Indian tracker named Lord Baltimore. They attempt to hide out in their favorite brothel and even negotiate amnesty with a sheriff acquaintance but the only way they can escape is if they flee to Bolivia. They soon realize that the vengeful Harriman and his gang aren't bound by borders.



The first half of the movie is easily the best with things going a little dull on the way to and at Bolivia. It picks back up at the very end but I'll get to that in a minute. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid would be a perfectly fine western, despite the possibly intentional clichés, if it weren't for one annoying decision that still confuses me. Why, even in '69, would anyone put Burt Bacharach in charge of the soundtrack and include three very awkward scenes / montages with this accompaniment? They all stand out and make you wonder if this is a western with a little humor here and there or if they're actually going for a comedy.

It takes you out of the movie about as much as a commercial break but then picks up right where it left off. The beautiful scenery back in America is sorely missed once they arrive in Bolivia where things drag until the final shootout. It's interestingly shot and the final freeze frame captures the essence of these two characters leaving you well enough pleased.

Even with a few odd filmmaking choices, this is a pretty fun movie. Newman and Redford make the difference with their good onscreen chemistry and individual personalities. It's not the best western of the period but everyone should at least Netflix it once and give it a fair shot. That's why I give Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid a 3.5/5.

The Thing (from Another World!)

When your parents and movie buff friends talk about how great of a movie "The Thing" is, they're not referring to John Carpenter's 1982 remake or the 2011 prequel to that movie, both with the same name. They're talking about the classic that outrivaled 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' and the color movie 'When Worlds Collide' as well as every other sci-fi movie that same year. They're talking about 1951 and James Arness as The Thing from Another World!


The simplistic plot begins as North Pole based researchers, Polar Expedition Six, receive data to suggest an unknown aircraft has crashed nearby. Dr. Carrington (Robert Cornthwaite) requests the aid of a U.S. Air Force re-supply team lead by Capt. Hendry (Kenneth Tobey). The team suspects more than a meteor but are shocked to find a flying saucer has melted through the ice and become frozen underneath. Capt. Hendry follows standard procedure in this anything but standard situation which leads to the loss of the spaceship. Fortunately or not, they discover the pilot of the craft still intact and return to base with it encased in a block of ice. It's not long before a careless crew member unwittingly thaws the creature and it begins wreaking havoc on the secluded outpost.

Capt. Hendry is also up against a divided station when the scientists plea to keep the creature alive for the sake of research. It soon becomes apparent that one species has to die. Thanks to Dr. Carrington's experiments and the brutal slaughter of the sled dogs, they learn that the alien monster needs their blood to sustain life. Too bad their backup is hundreds of miles away when The Thing could be behind the next door.


The Thing (played by the 6'7" Gunsmoke star) literally bursts into a handful of scenes and dominates every one of them. Each appearance is as memorable and terrifying as the others. Even during the quiet moments of studying The Thing's biology in the lab or Capt. Hendry's semi-love interest subplot, you can feel the suspense of an imminent attack. I dare you not to jump at least once and then feel like you shouldn't be so invested in a cheesy old sci-fi movie. This is supported by an excellent cast and cinematography that could have easily allowed the movie to disappear into obscurity had it not been for an eye for the material on which this is based (the novella Who Goes There?).

Not nearly as outdated or campy as other science fiction or B-movies of the time with similar plotlines due in part to the fast-paced dialogue that smoothly flows. There is an honest notion of suspense and seclusion that makes this movie work even though it's 60 years old. You have to see this one especially if you've seen it's other incarnations. That's why I give The Thing from Another World! a 4/5.

I didn't see this until last year, but I love it. A few more viewings and this has a serious chance of making my top 100.