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Whiteout





Alrighty then. First review (INCLUDES SOME SPOILERS).

So I watched Whiteout. I'd seen the trailer awhile back, thought that it looked like a cool idea (no pun intended), and then forgot about it until recently.

After finishing the film, I must say I'm very disappointed. Visually, the film is nice to look at, with some gorgeous scenery, although too reliant on CGI.

The real problem is the plot. To put it bluntly, it's DOA. Dead on arrival. That may be because the opening scene pretty much sucks most of the mystery out of the movie, and instead of leaving this viewer intrigued, I became bored waiting for the story to unfold past the expected discovery of the plane.

Kate Beckinsale plays a U. S. Marshal stationed at a Antarctic research base. Through the SUBTLE USE OF FLASHBACKS, we gradually discovered she has been traumatized by past betrayal. This naturally leads the viewer to suspect she might, just might probably definitely will be betrayed again at some point in the film.

I don't want to diss on Beckinsale too much here because she has a nice ass and I liked seeing her bent over in her little white panties... but her performance was pretty stiff, stiffer than me during her shower scene.



Pictured: Kate Beckinsale acting.


Sorry bout that last paragraph.

All of the performances were stiff, nearly lifeless in fact, and the only relationship in the film that even approached the convincingly human was between Beckinsale and Tom Skerrit (an actor I rather like), who plays the base doctor.



"This won't affect my acting career, will it, Doc?"


The best scene in the whole movie involved Beckinsale's frostbitten fingers, but even then she seemed slightly less upset than I think I would have been at losing two of my fingers, and I'm a fairly stoic dude.

The director, Dominic Sena, strives for a claustrophobic feel, mainly by using too many close-ups from obtuse angles, yet for an isolated research station, this place is jumpin.

Not to tell anyone how to do their job, but I can't help but think the movie would have been better served by the removal of the opening plane scene. In fact, given the hackneyed flashbacks throughout, I don't see why the opening scene was not used only as a flashback during the plane discovery scene. It might have helped preserve some interest earlier on if the beginning had focused more on the characters and had then introduced us to the main plot via their discovery of the first body.

Oh well.

The dialogue is dull as rock, consisting of actors repeating the obvious, for the benefit (one supposes) of the sight-impaired.

The action scenes are limp. Partly because I just didn't care for these cardboard characters, and partly because the whole thing is so darn cliche. Watching the killer try to slice up Beckinsale with his ice axe, I wondered if the movie secretly aspired to be a slasher film.



All your base are belong to us.


Anyways, the whole thing drags on until the unshocking nonrevelation at the end, and not soon enough.

Rating: 3/10
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#31 on SC's Top 100 Mofos list!!



Love the review, Deadite. Keep 'em coming.

Of course, I could've told you this would suck because it stars Kate Beckinsale and, with few exceptions, her films always do. This also applies to Samuel L. Jackson, post 2000.



I'll echo that; I like the style. We've got plenty of stuffier "formal" reviews from folks like me, so I'm always glad when someone takes a different tack, so we can all different types of reviews. Keep it up!
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Love the review, Deadite. Keep 'em coming.

Of course, I could've told you this would suck because it stars Kate Beckinsale and, with few exceptions, her films always do. This also applies to Samuel L. Jackson, post 2000.
With the exception of Click (ok not the best film but at least a fun watch) and Everybody's Fine.



I have been meaning to watch Everybody's Fine. It has my man, Robert De Niro, in it.



You should take a look at it, SC, though I warn you that the only person that has any chemistry with De Niro is Drew. I know you'd expect that from me, but that's what my friends tell me.

I liked it and I think it's good, but there's not enough Drew, as she (along with De Niro) really kick it up a notch. Even Sam Rockwell seems to be under-par.



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Whiteout is indeed some terrible terrible garbage.
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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews



Pretty stiff...Limp...Kate Beckinsale's ass in little white panties...

This guy's kinda funny. Although, I have been toying with the thought that you're another regular member. Probably not, but still... Anyway, keep it up (get it?) and I'll keep reading and repping your reviews.
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"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."



Pretty stiff...Limp...Kate Beckinsale's ass in little white panties...

This guy's kinda funny. Although, I have been toying with the thought that you're another regular member. Probably not, but still... Anyway, keep it up (get it?) and I'll keep reading and repping your reviews.
Thanks, I specialize in c**k metaphors.



That was a funny yet solid review . Frankly, I was NEVER planning on seeing this unless I happened to be drunk while it plays on telly, but now I don't even think that could do it for me. Although Beckinsale. In a shower..



Pretty stiff...Limp...Kate Beckinsale's ass in little white panties...

This guy's kinda funny. Although, I have been toying with the thought that you're another regular member. Probably not, but still... Anyway, keep it up (get it?) and I'll keep reading and repping your reviews.
After reading that line I decided I liked Deadite as wellThat was classic.



Glad you enjoyed, guys. If anyone has any review suggestions, I'll consider them. I kind of like flaming bad flicks.

Man oh man, there is no way my next review will live up to this one.

Pressure!



Thanks, I specialize in c**k metaphors.
C**k Metaphors sounds like a trendy gay nightclub.

Glad you enjoyed, guys. If anyone has any review suggestions, I'll consider them. I kind of like flaming bad flicks.
I recommend Showgirls.



If your definition of awesome is watching a naked chick in a swimming pool acting all spastic when she's actually supposed to fake passionate sex, then yes, it's bloody awesome.

Great film to watch when you're stone-cold drunk though.



Predators





So, here we have the new film in the Predator series. I have to say, I'm not especially impressed.

However, I'm not exactly disappointed either. The film succeeds modestly well at giving fans what they expect, and there are some nice surprises to keep it from becoming too formulaic.

I'm not much for plot description because readers can find out that stuff just by doing a simple online search themselves (besides, this film's story is well-known anyway), so I will focus on what I consider to be some of the strengths and weaknesses of the film.

My biggest problem with the film is the miscasting of Adrien Brody as Royce, the merc leader of the survivors. He simply does not belong in this movie. Though I respect him as an actor from his work in films like The Pianist, I just could not suspend disbelief and accept him as some badass mercenary type.



"Christ, this thing is heavy."


Perhaps he was meant to bring some added depth and credibility to the film, but I think the part would have been better suited to a more rugged actor, such as Jason Statham. Brody is a fine actor, but he's a bit scrawny and sensitive-looking to pull off this kind of role.

Other performances range from adequate to surprisingly good. In particular, Laurence Fishburne as a soldier suffering from PTSD, which was amusing although slightly over-the-top. The other performance I enjoyed was Topher Grace as a seemingly benign doctor who isn't as out of place amongst these professional killers as he first appears.



"I reckon that's one for the wall."


The film looks decent, although somewhat bland. The director, Nimrod Antal, doesn't really take advantage of the jungle setting or try to differentiate environments within the story. For a supposed alien world, there is nothing memorable whatsoever about the scenery.

The action sequences in the film are fairly well-done if not spectacular or numerous, and I managed to keep interest throughout despite their sparseness. Overall, I'd say the movie took itself a bit too seriously and that definitely hurt it.



Only YOU can prevent laser fires.


The predators themselves looked cool, but there wasn't enough of them. In fact, they hardly felt like part of the movie at all.

The ending was abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving unresolved the fates of two characters we were obviously intended to care for. The music during the credits was retarded and unfitting for what had occurred before it.

Rating: 6/10



I've seen this on TV, but never stayed for the whole thing. I agree that Adrian Brody seems like he's only there for credibility to the thing -- I mean, I keep thinking Predators must be amazing to have him in it. Especially after Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. I'll have to see it all for myself -- not sure about Jason Statham, but that sounds more like the right direction. Would be cool to see Sylvester Stallone battle predators, since Arnold Schwarzenegger already has.



If your definition of awesome is watching a naked chick in a swimming pool acting all spastic when she's actually supposed to fake passionate sex, then yes, it's bloody awesome.

Great film to watch when you're stone-cold drunk though.
Yes, precisely. And when Gina Gershon licks Kyle Maclachlan's nose, he flinches as if from a diseased hobo.

That ***** is priceless.