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28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 160: October 6th, 2010

Jonah Hex



Is HATE a strong enough word to describe this film?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the worst film of 2010. Jonah Hex is a sorry excuse for a film, a horrible mess and everyone involved should be punished in one way or another. Well, everyone who is relatively good. Mr. Brolin and Mr. Malkovich should know better, I expect crap like this from Megan Fox. This is such a mess, I don't really know where to begin.

Well, If I have to start somewhere I guess it would be with the script. What a load of crap. If crap like this is what passes for screenplays these days then I need to change my 'career' path. I'm sure the script was riddled with spelling mistakes too, since the writer must not have known a single thing about what makes a story work. Nothing cohesive here, just a bunch of random scenes thrown together.

Next on the plate are the actors. We have Josh Brolin, who seems to have had a recent resurgence of fame with his role in No Country For Old Men. Not leading man type, he tries his best with the crap he was given. He has the troubled task of trying to give a performance with part of his mouth being sealed. So he grunts and mumbles his way through most of the lines. John Malkovich does the same old bad guy routine. He was better as the despicable villain in Con Air, Teddy KGB in Rounders and John Horatio Malkovich in Being John Malkovich. He was clearly looking for a paycheck and decided to sleep through his role here.

Lastly is Megan Fox, the girl that gets roles based on her looks and her looks alone. She scored with Transformers and made a lot of boys become teens. Here, the filmmakers decided that she wasn't pretty enough, so they must have used CGI to pretty her face up a bit because it seems that every shot of her has a heavenly glow. Her role? Pointless, she plays a tramp who sleeps with Hex, apparently they are in 'love'. She's used as bait to get Hex caught...that's it. Poor writing. They don't even use her best assets in this film. She has sex appeal and they use none of it. Her accent, if you can call it that, is ear bleeding.

Don't even get me started on the casting of Will Arnett.

Jonah Hex was never popular enough to warrant a film adaptation. This piss poor version is proof why you should not make every comic book character into a film. Jonah Hex comes off as a poor man's Wild Wild West. Yes, it is even worse than that trash...and that trash had giant robotic spiders.

The ideas presented here aren't even interesting enough to worth a mention. The powers that Hex has, being able to talk to the dead, is laughable. It is an idea that had potential, but was used poorly and the the aspects of it are laughable and inconsistent, or maybe just poorly explained. In any event, I was surprised that I was able to make it through to the end of the film, even with a running time of...what? 80 minutes? They couldn't even come up with enough material to fill the 90 minute standard run time? Wow, that's including ten minutes of credits? How do they get away with this?

Jonah Hex is so bad it's not even fun bad. It's just horrendous bad. I actually hate myself for watching this.

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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews



I'm skeptical about this movie. I'll probably put it on Net Flix and check it out when I'm bored one day. Looks like it may be a fun flick. Tom Cruise isn't bad when he's not doing Mission Impossible remakes. And that God-awful Vanilla Sky movie. The only reason I watched all of that piece of garbage is because I wanted to see how bad it would get. Trainwreck effect and all that.
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"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and like it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway



Day 160: October 6th, 2010

Jonah Hex



Thanks for the review Sussy will give this a miss
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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 161: October 7th, 2010

Kill Bill Vol 1



Wiggle Your Big Toe.

An epic film that the makes you wanting more and more by the time the credits roll. Tarantino's Kill Bill saga is his ode to Asian Cinema and the Spaghetti Western, two varied genres brought together in one explosion film that is split in two separate volumes.

The Bride is shot in the head on her wedding day by the man she once loved and his Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. Yet, she somehow survives and is left in a coma. When she awakens, she decides to get her revenge on those who wronged her. Her list includes bumping off Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox), O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu), Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah), Budd (Michael Madson) and the man himself Bill (David Carradine).

By the bloody climax of the first film, she is pretty much half way through her list. Those she comes to, apologize and some even accept their death. That epic bloody climax I mentioned is known as the House of Blue Leaves scene, or The Bride VS The Crazy 88. She slices and dices her way through 88 men, leaving blood splattered walls and the floor covered in limbs and bodies. A great scene that will gross you out and make you cheer for the pure sake of entertainment.

As the case is with every Tarantino film, Kill Bill Vol 1 is accompanied by a diverse and great soundtrack that suits the film. I'm not a Tarantino hater, I'm a fan and have yet to really dislike one of his films. Kill Bill is sheer fun and entertainment given to us by a talented filmmaker.




28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 162: October 8th, 2010

Frozen



They are stuck on a ski lift...what else is there to tell you?

A bunch of kids get stuck on a ski lift and the ski resort will be closed for a week. How awesome does that sound? It's a genre film, for sure and a pretty good survival horror tale. Watching a film like this you can't help but scream at the characters for doing stupid things and you wonder to yourself what you would do in this situation. Frozen manages to cover a lot of bases, but it irritates the viewer at times because a lot of decision were stupid and used for the sake of 'entertainment'.

The most of the film takes place on the ski lift, so if you are not a fan of single setting films, I would advise against this one. Frozen is a simple idea that asks, what would you do in this situation. Two friends go to their traditional place to let go and ski/snowboard. One of them brings his girlfriend, much to the disappointment of his friend. They try to con their way onto the ski lift by bribing and flirting with the operator, so they don't have to buy their tickets. It's successful, they have their fun. They want to go up one more time before they close, an ice storm is coming in. The operator advises them not to, but allows them to go up one more time. Due to some contrived plot advances and confusion, the three of them get stuck near the top and the place closes down for the week. The three of them are left alone, high above the frozen ground in the dark cold.

First thing that comes to mind, is to jump. One character does this. He breaks his legs. Why did he decides to land on his feet and not try to tuck and roll and lands on his side or back is beyond me. He lies at the bottom there motionless and bleeding. Uh-oh, this attracts some hungry wolves. Why not try climbing the lift and shimmy across using the giant cable above? One character tries this, yet those cables are razor sharp and cut through his gloves.

A couple things, yes I know this is a movie so their faces must be visible for the camera, but why in the hell did these characters not zip their jackets up all the way? It would help with the frost bite one character gets. Or how about using the lighter you have to keep warm or signal some kind of fire? Many things these characters don't do will have you either screaming at the screen or wanting them to die for their stupidity. For the most part they did what I would do, jump or climb across the cable, so some props from me.

While the film is not scary, it does make you uneasy because this is something that could happen. A crazed serial killer that is immortal and has super strength and wears a hockey mask? Not so much. The realism is what makes this film scary. For what it sets out to do, it accomplishes the task. I can recommend Frozen for those who are interested in the concept.




28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 163: October 9th, 2010

AntiChrist



Art film, or pretentious crap?

Upon finishing the film, I sat there wondering why and what Lars Von Trier tried to accomplish with such a sexually aggressive violent film. The violence in question isn't a lot, but it's obscure enough to make you cringe. Never being one to shy away from controversial topics and imagery, Lars Von Trier creates one of his more disturbing pieces with Anti-Christ.

I'm sitting here writing this wondering what I watched. Did I get it? Not really, there are too many scenes of symbolism and metaphors to grasp, and my wanting to grasp them are very thin. I got as far as figuring out who the three beggars are and even that is visually pointed out to you. The film is told in chapters, "Grief", "Pain (Chaos Reigns)", "Despair (Gynocide)" and "The Three Beggars". The film begins and concludes with a prologue and epilogue. Both which are shot in black and white, in slow motion and to operatic music. The opening scene shows some beautiful cinematography, camera work and it feels like art. The opening is my favourite part of the film.

The story involved a couple retreating to a cabin after a family tragedy. While there, they try to cope with the tragedy, but nature has other plans. Weird to describe the story like that, but that's what happens. The two characters also have no names, at least we are not privy to them. They are known simply as He and She. They are also the only two characters in the film (aside from their son). Everyone else has their face blurred.

The film has some explicit content. I would never let my kids watch it (if I had any). Genital mutilation, explicit sex, frontal nudity, misogyny are all key points in this film. You will feel dirty after watching it. Art film, or pretentious crap, Anti-Christ walks that line sometimes.




While the film is not scary, it does make you uneasy because this is something that could happen. A crazed serial killer that is immortal and has super strength and wears a hockey mask? Not so much. The realism is what makes this film scary. For what it sets out to do, it accomplishes the task. I can recommend Frozen for those who are interested in the concept.
That's a good point, Suspect. I hope I don't remember this the next time I go skiing.
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A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
~Mae West



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 164: October 10th, 2010

Secondhand Lions



You bought a used lion?

A film that Powdered Water suggested the first time around. It tells the story of a shy little boy that is sent to live with his eccentric uncles. His mother is a little bit irresponsible. The uncles are played by Michael Caine and Robert Duvall, two great thespians that really seemed to love the material here. You can tell how much fun they had with this script and to work with each other.

Secondhand Lions is most likely (at least for me anyways) known as the film that the kid from The Sixth Sense did when he was older. It's a bad thing to say because the film the better than that. Haley Joel Osment might have fallen from the pedestal we all put him on, but he still manages to give a good performance.

The film is heartwarming and is a great piece to watch with the family, that's not to say the film isn't without it's emotional scenes. It's not all happy go lucky and there is a sense of realism to the film that I admire. Secondhand Lions is a good film that has strong performances.




28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 165: October 11th, 2010

Get Him To The Greek



When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.

A young intern at a record company is given the task of escorting an old and out of control rock star to the Greek theatre, for a comeback gig that will earn the company millions.

Was the character from Forgetting Sarah Marshall really likable, or popular enough to warrant a spin-off film? Someone thought so, thus we have Get Him To The Greek, where Russell Brand plays Aldous Snow. While he has had smaller roles in other films, it's this flick and Marshall, where people recognize him. Those who do not know this is a spin off might think he is a note note actor. We'll see when more work goes his way. Jonah Hill does his thing, make snide comic remarks at situations that seem to be one of the chosen bits from a line- o-rama piece. Just have him stand there, spit out random things that are funny and we'll pick the best one. I hope his style doesn't get old fast, or he's in trouble.

The film works for the most part, it's not as funny as you'd want it to be. The people that make this film funny are the supporting characters. Brand and Hill are probably the least funniest thing about this film. Sean "P.Diddy" Combs stands out, surprisingly. He has the comedic chops that fit this film and he worked it well. Colm Meaney, a character actor notorious for playing a-holes is hilarious as Snow's father. His scenes are great as well.

Get Him To The Greek is mild entertainment, there are far more funnier films out there than this one and the characters are pretty generic that you don't seem to care if they make it to the theatre or not. One of the weaker Apatow style films, which is a shame because it has a lot of talent. Get Him To The Greek, is as I initially expected, a mediocre comedy that barely gets the laughs out. Still, it's funnier than a lot of comedies that came out the same year.




28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 166: October 12th, 2010

Altitude



More Twilight Zone Than Monster Movie.

A group of friends take a small plane to fly to a concert. Things go horribly wrong when they ends up in an endless storm cloud and attacked by a tentacle like squid monster.

I checked this flick out because the concept of a giant cthulhu like monster flying around in the sky attacks a plane? How B horror movie awesomeness if that? The cherry on top was that it's a Canadian film. The downside is that the monster takes second...even third seat to everything else in this flick.

The film has major problems, most of them are with the characters and their actions. I can only take so many jerk jock characters before I shoot someone. Here, that jerk jock character is one of the more obnoxious ones to hit cinema. Second, we have an emo kid who has hidden feelings for one of the other passengers, the girlfriend of the jock. Both of these guys are jerks in one way or another. The girlfriend is a film major, she has her little video camera and occasionally has to playfully hit her boyfriend for saying something inappropriate, nothing else. Finally we have the pilot, a beautiful young woman, who is actually a novice at flying. Her mother died in a plane crash when she was little, so it's obvious that she wants to fly and have no fears of it, right? Her boyfriend is severely underwritten and has too much importance later on in the film. He has a fear of flying and collects comic books, that's all we get.

The majority of the film takes place on the small plane they take, they are on their way to a concert. After some equipment malfunctions, they end up flying right into a storm cloud. Everything turns dark and they can't see where they are going. They freak out, rightfully so and start throwing baggage out of the plane because they only have a limited supply of fuel. Next thing you know, one of the characters is hanging outside of the plane, tied off with some rope. Completely plausible (cue eye roll). I got it, I laughed and we were having a fun time, finally we get a glimpse of the giant squid like creature in the sky and we are down one character. You didn't think he was going to live did you? Did you think everyone was going to make it out of this all peachy?

Instead of the film becoming a classic monster flick, Jaws for the sky, it takes a weird turn and becomes another film entirely. We enter a Twilight Zone/Outer Limits area and more events come to light. Some of these events are meant to be a surprise, but if you can put two and two together, you'll see it coming. The ending reminded me of The Butterfly Effect, so take that as you will.

The acting was pretty bad, specifically the boyfriend of the pilot. Has he ever taken acting classes? He can't even yell right and pull off a believable angry face. The only person who had some talent was the lead. I don't blame the actors, really, it starts with the script. The script throws these unlikable characters into a small plane and we are stuck in there with them. I wanted the damn creature to show up before they even took off.

Altitude is a rental, at best. The film had potential, but terrible characters and a different direction in the script makes the film fall short of being fun cheesy entertainment.




28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Day 166: October 12th, 2010

Hedwig And The Angry Inch



Rock Opera

I really enjoyed Shortbus and HK recommended this odd little musical rock opera to me, so I gave it a try. It certainly has some catchy tunes and dedicated performances. As a whole it's something that I am glad I watched once, don't know how often I will be revisiting it though.

I like the gender switching of the roles, it adds that level of absurdity to vibe the film was going for. In terms of musicals, it rivals Rocky Horror Picture Show for pushing the boundaries of 'normal'.

My favourite song is probably Wig in a Box, second would be Origin of Love. Most of them I can't really remember, but I do remember most of them being catchy. I do like Shortbus better, but the two films are vastly different, even if they do tread some similar themes.

I give props to John Cameron Mitchell, for not only directing the film and having a unique style, but for diving head first into the lead role of Hedwig. A great performance from someone who has the daunting task of having to have control over numerous things. He gives 100 percent in both positions.

Hedwig isn't a film for everyone. Yet those wanting to experience something unique and fun, check it out.




For those wanting to check it out and become a convert, you can watch the whole thing here.

(NSFW)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...4034452754917#

Hedwig's always in or around the edge of my top 100. It's not on it atm, so it won't be starring in my Top 100 when I post it.

My favourite three songs are Angry Inch, Tear Me Down and Wig In A Box.

Anyway, TUS, I'm glad you enjoyed it.



Smokin' Aces 2: Assassin's Ball

If you hated the first film, thought it was decent or just liked it, I would advise you to skip this one. I only recommend it if you are truly a die hard fan. Even then, I say proceed with caution.
Weird ... I didn't like the first film, but enjoyed this one. So much so, that I watched it twice. I rarely do that with movies anymore.
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"Sometimes dead is better." -- Jud Crandall



Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre claims to be based on true events. The events, as far as I can tell, involve a man who would kill his victims, then wear their skin.
Well, that is one thing in TCM that is based on true events. Leatherface was based on Ed Gein who did wear human skin masks. Also, the bone furniture is another Ed Gein trait. Good ol' Ed Gein ... he has given so much to the horror genre. From Norman Bates to Buffalo Bill ... pretty much any knife wielding killer with mommy issues can be attributed to Ed Gein.



The Wizard of Oz

Hell, I even watched it while playing Dark Side of the Moon once.
Sorry, but that's lame. Dark Side of the Moon is not in sync with Wizard of Oz. Oh sure some things seem to match up, but play any album with any movie and some things will seem to match up. The real shocker would be if nothing did.