Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews

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Hang 'Em High
(directed by Ted Post, 1968)



I thought it was high time to watch and review something different for a change. Westerns have never been my area, but the other day I decided to buy Hang 'Em High on Blu-ray, which looked great most of the time. I haven't seen much of Clint Eastwood or much of westerns for that matter. I was disappointed that Hang 'Em High couldn't be crossed off of the MoFo Westerns movie list -- I think I'm only at 2% on that. I also found nothing about this movie while searching MoFo, so I thought I would bring it to your attention.

Hang 'Em High finds Jed Cooper (Clint Eastwood) in Oklahoma, late 19th century, with revenge on his mind -- at the beginning of the film, he's LYNCHED!, and didn't deserve it. But he survives and he survives with revenge on his mind. He is taken to a town called Fort Grant and given a job by Commissioner Gordon (Pat Hingle) as a marshal, and then he sets off on his horsey looking for the men who did him wrong. Along the way he catches some young guys accused of murder and he ends up taking them back to Fort Grant, where they will be hung in a sadistic community lynching, complete with singing and hot dog vendors.

Meanwhile, there's also a romance going on between Jed Cooper and a pretty blonde woman called Rachel Warren (Inger Stevens). Jed even gets plenty of rest and sexy action at the town brothel, where a red headed bimbette nurses him back to health, along with Rachel, who is a traumatized woman that needs men to go slow and gentle with her.

Overall, this is a revenge flick, a bit slow paced (it's about two hours long) and full of death, offscreen sex and drama. I enjoyed it and I look forward to watching more westerns now. If you wanna see people hanged, complete with them putting black hooded masks over the soon-to-be-executed's faces, and thick ropes tied around their necks, this is the movie for you. Lynchmob lovers, look no further. I found it all rather sad and depressing, but at least it's only a movie, although it's terrible when you think about how this kind of stuff actually happened. If you like movies about the law and crime and punishment, this film is for you, too. Also, Clint Eastwood is quite cute and he gives one hell of a mean, serious look a lot of times. He doesn't have a very intimidating voice, though. It should be deeper.




Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
(directed by Ricki Stern and Anne Sundberg, 2010)



Joan Rivers is probably my favorite comedian and here she is in a feature length documentary that's all about her. Can we review? This was an excellent, behind the scenes look at an Energizer Bunny of an old lady who is out to make more and more money so she can live comfortably in her grand New York apartment, where she can feel like Marie Antoinette.

For years, Joan has appeared on TV -- she's had her own talk shows, her own late night shows; she's worked for the E! Channel and TV Guide Channel appearing at almost every red carpet event (Academy Awards, Grammy Awards, Golden Globes, etc.) She does Fashion Police shows where she hilariously judges what the celebrities wear. She's on QVC selling jewelry. She even won The Celebrity Apprentice not too long ago, which was covered in this documentary.

The documentary reveals the insecure side to Joan Rivers. It is surprising and almost annoying to witness how hard on herself Joan actually is. She can tell a bold, honest, shockingly funny quip on stage, but offstage, she's her worst critic. She literally gives up hope of having her play have a run in New York City when a critic in the city it's currently playing at gives it three stars out of five. It's over, Joan says. Back to the calendar, back to the planner, back to the phone to make new things happen.

The most shocking thing I found about Joan is that she literally keeps all of her jokes inside a library's Dewey Decimal System style catalog, with the drawers you pull out, filled with cards. She's got all these drawers labeled by category. Anal sex, unhappy marriage, vagina jokes, they're all there. It's like her brain externalized. She goes and pulls out a card when she needs it. She's completely prepared.

The film also touches on her personal life. Joan was once married and I'm guess I'm not spoiling anything when I reveal that her husband committed suicide during a tough time in the 1980's. She has a daughter, Melissa Rivers, who is also famous (and looks so much like her mom), and we see the two of them interacting sometimes. We also learn about a few members of Joan's small team that helps her with her career.

I was a bit sad to see that behind Joan's wild, charismatic, happy and talkative stage presence, there's also a darker, bitchier, moodier woman who really does seem quite depressed. But the complexity is interesting and I'm quite happy that Joan is still in the spotlight and that this documentary was made. Make no mistake, there's still plenty of Joan Rivers comedy to be found here -- I laughed a lot -- but I also learned a lot and couldn't help but be moved by such a dauntless heroine of celebrityhood. This is a biography that's not to be missed.




Bright light. Bright light. Uh oh.
Awesome and entertaining writing, Sexy. Paragraph four sounds like something from Billy Wilder in his lost director's cuts. Do they go into any visual references to the Joan Rivers I was brought up on?

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Sex and the City 2
(directed by Michael Patrick King, 2010)



Sex and the City 2 has a lot in common with Albert Einstein: Both got bad grades. Einstein supposedly got bad grades in school; Sex and the City 2 got bad grades with every movie reviewer in the world. Yet, both Albert Einstein and Sex and the City 2 are really geniuses in disguise. Einstein's disguise was his wild hair and mustache -- the stars of Sex and the City 2 disguise themselves in burkas, Vintage Valentino dresses (worn while making cupcakes), lots of shoes, yams, and an assortment of other ghastly outfits and hats.


*sigh* where to begin...

I was a big fan of the first Sex and the City movie and I loved the TV show as well. This sequel... is a DISASTER... but it's so ugly it's beautiful. For me, that's where its genius lies. They must have purposely intended to make this movie godawful, perhaps to kill off the chance of making more films. Perhaps to end the series once and for all. I really think it was intended. A shrewd move. A sexy suicide.

When a TV show is turned into a movie, it's expected that big events that never really happened in the show will make it into the movie. In the first Sex and the City movie, they did this -- they married off Carrie and her longtime boyfriend, Mr. Big. They made Charlotte get pregnant. They almost ended Miranda and Steve's relationship for good.

There's *nothing* that major happening in this film.
Okay -- one thing, maybe -- but one very stupid thing -- the beginning of Sex and the City 2 features the gayest gay wedding scene you'll ever see. Liza Minelli sings and dances at it. But who's getting married? Anthony and Stanford! Two BIG BOTTOMS that had no chemistry together on the show -- both of them are major queeny gay stereotypes. And they're getting married? They also make gay people look bad by having Anthony and Stanford annoucing before their wedding that they've agreed that they can cheat on each other. Sex and the City 2 is full of insults at many different types of people, but I'm not gonna go into it.

The basic plot of the movie is that the girls are tired of what their lives have become. Carrie's bored with her marriage to Mr. Big. Charlotte's sick of being a stay at home mom taking care of her kids. Miranda's fed up with her job. Samantha... is fed up with her aging body. She's taking hormones to keep herself from having menopausal symptoms -- hilariously, all under the guidance of Suzanne Somers and her book, Breakthrough: Eight Steps to Wellness, which is promoted quite a bit during the movie, and is one of the reasons why the film is so corny and great.

Thanks to Samantha's job, the girls go on a trip to the Arabian city, Abu Dhabi, where camel rides and camel toe come into play. This doesn't happen until about an hour into the film and it really feels like the movie doesn't come alive until then. Abu Dhabi takes up the rest of the movie, which is TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG (and I couldn't get through it in one sitting). In Abu Dhabi, the girls witness how differently the women there live, how little freedom they have. The Abu Dhabi girls are shocked when the Sex and the City girls come charging in with all of their luxuries and tacky clothes -- oh! oh! But wait until you see what the Abu Dhabi girls are hiding underneath their burkas... and take a wild guess at what the Abu Dhabi Women's Book Club is reading.

Sex and the City 2 is like someone spray painted something colorful, yet incoherent, over the great wall that the rest of the Sex and the City series built. It's pure cheese -- and at times it's quite yummy. It's worse than the first movie, yet I have to say, I actually like this one more. Flaws just turn me on, I guess. Bad on the outside, genius on the inside. Sometimes a burka is better than Valentino.




I'm not old, you're just 12.
I loved the Police Academy reviews. And no, I wouldn't suggest watching any more of them after 3...well, 4 has David Spade and Sharon Stone, but that doesn't really excuse it. And then the rest are pure crap. I mean even crappier than the first 4. Is it sad that I loved these films when i was a kid?
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I loved the Police Academy reviews... well, 4 has David Spade...
You say that like it's a good thing.

SATC2 sounds every bit as horrible as I suspected it to be after reading a few reviews. After the disappointment of the first film (which on reflection shouldn't have been a disappointment, as it just continued the slow decline started in season 6) I was hoping for a big, sexy, fun film. But this film looks like enforced fun, which is, as we all know, so bad that you'd rather free to have a bad time.



Jackass 3-D
(directed by Jeff Tremaine, 2010)


The Jackass boys have run out of steam. Their poop is still going strong, but maybe that's the problem. I'm a big fan of the first two Jackass movies, but the third film is nothing but a tired, exhausted formula at play. The shocking scenes don't even shock me anymore. I have become desensitized and Johnny Knoxville and his gang failed to go where no Port-A-Potty has gone before.

Yes, this time the dung lovin' danger boys from Miss Knoxville's 4th grade Special Ed class have filmed their crazy, often disgusting stunts in Real 3-D. I was not all that impressed with the 3-D, but I've heard a lot of people saying they really outdid themselves. I don't see how. In my opinion, it didn't work and the gimmick seemed just like a way to compensate for the sheer lack of creativity that this film brought. It is a complete retread of things they did in the last two films, but it almost seems like some stuff was left out. For example, where were the crazy scenes with Spike Jonze dressed up as an old person? They were missing and I was hissing. Knoxville himself dressed up as the perverted grandpa again in a scene that was, eh, kinda funny, but could have been much better.

When one of the 3-D highlights of the film is just seeing Rip Taylor throw his confetti at the end of the movie, something's wrong. Maybe it's just me, but I don't always find the stupid daredevil stunts that the boys do all that exciting. A few good ones do come to mind, so if you don't wanna be spoiled, read no further. One of the guys - I forget who - sits in front of an airplane engine and is almost blown away. A beautiful train set is hijacked by an ass volcano -- guess what happens when it erupts. A trip to the dentist leads to a Lamborghini driving away with someone's crooked tooth. Also, a Port-A-Potty does actually go where no Port-A-Potty has probably not been to before -- consequently, if you're inside the Port-A-Potty, this means your clothes have no choice but to turn brown.

There's also a bar fight with midgets and April Margera finds her hotel experience less than stellar thanks to a gorilla on the loose in her suite -- and if you need more proof that this Jackass entry is lacking, it's not even a real gorilla, it's a man in a costume.

Overall, I was disappointed, but it's still a decent way to spend some movie watching time. If they do a 4th film, they better rethink things and try to get more original and more shocking. These Jackass boys are just starting to feel old -- maybe it's the curse of the new decade. They are starting to feel like 10 years ago. I recommend that they don't do another Jackass movie until the boys still haven't grown up in their 60's. Let's see them accomplish these stunts as senior citizens -- they seem to be fixated on dressing up as senior citizens, anyway. Think of the new things they could do with their poop by then.




ditto what Nebs said for Jackass and Sex and the City, but enjoyed reading your reviews Sexy I bet they're more entertaining than watching the films !



SC, have you ever watched Dirty Sanchez? It's like Jackass, but less frat-boy and more stupid pain. Or, in other words, better. If you check it out, I'd recommend the first couple of series (seasons) over the later ones and the film, but that's just me.

I saw the Joan Rivers documentary last week on tv. I've never been a fan of hers, but it was ok. I really did like the the opening 'makeover' during the opening credits. I'd have loved to have seen that in time lapse. She looked so strange without her 'Joan' face on.



It caught my eye because of your recommendation, but "ok" isn't really a bad thing from me. It just means I didn't get really engrossed in it or "love it". As I said, I'm not a fan (I don't think she's funny) but it's always interesting to see the person 'behind their facade' or as much as you can with something like this. I'm still pleased I saw it.



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
Waiting for your review of Love & Other Drugs...considering you see a certain stars junk.
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Suspect's Reviews



Proof
(directed by John Madden, 2005)



Well, it may not be Love and Other Drugs, but I finally saw this Jake Gyllenhaal movie that I've been dying to see. Some people, including Holden Pike, have been on record saying that this is his best movie -- I dunno about that. It is definitely a very good movie, but... this is the most shocking thing about it... I can't believe I'm saying this...

Gwyneth Paltrow STOLE THE SHOW!

And I went into this movie thinking that Gwyneth Paltrow was gonna be the downside to this Gyllenflick. This is the best thing that I've seen her in. Let me remember, what else have I seen her in... Running with Scissors... which sucked (but the book doesn't!)... Iron Man... Two Lovers... View from the Top... Se7en. Some others.

Here she plays Catherine, the daughter of a crazy physics genius, played by Anthony Hopkins, whose character has recently died when this movie begins. The movie opens on Catherine's 27th birthday, which is perfect timing for me since I just turned 27 two weeks ago. (OMG...)

Catherine is remembering her dead father, imagining that he's with her. For the past several years, she's been taking care of him at their house. There was something wrong with him mentally and he went further and further into madness, trying to come up with a physics proof that will change the world. Catherine, it seems, may have been doing the same.

Jake arrives as one of Anthony Hopkins' favorite students. He is a sexy nerd and he plays drums in a nerd band (drummers are very sexy, by the way). Of course, he and Catherine hit it off since he's been spending a lot of time at her house, going through her dad's notebooks filled with his writings.

Hope Davis arrives in town for Anthony Hopkins' funeral. She is Catherine's sister, Claire -- and I've never hated a character more. I wanted to kill this woman! She almost ruins the movie for me, I swear. She comes in and she tries to take over Catherine's life. I don't wanna give it away, but she's practically trying to break up Catherine and Jake, whose character is named Hal. See? Don't you hate her already?

Although, if Claire wants to enter the real world and break up Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift...

GO. RIGHT. AHEAD.



Anyway, I don't wanna take up y'all's time with this review -- okay, I really don't have much else to say, anyways -- but Proof was fantastic. One of the movies that won't make you keep checking the clock to see what time it is. A relaxing movie.

There is a sex scene between Jake and Gwyneth, but you don't see anything -- she seems satisfied, though. So, I'm happy for those two in the Proof world. They would make a cute couple in real life -- I hate Taylor Swift, she looks bitchy. Jake, what is it with you and blondes? Remember, he was dating Reese Witherspoon. I dunno how that relationship went down, but I prefer Reese over Taylor, at least when I judge both of their covers.

By the way, even though Gwyneth was great in Proof, I'm a bit insulted that they got a 33 year old woman to play a 27 year old woman. I'm not THAT old.