The Hall of Infamy

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This is the kind of thing I would have definitely joined if not for having to suddenly work for a living.


I would have still really struggled commiting to that Sandler movie though. I can take almost anything but things trying to make me laugh and only making me hate.

I'm all about love, after all.
Out of curiosity, what would you have nominated if you joined?
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Out of curiosity, what would you have nominated if you joined?

Almost definitely the director's cut of Boardinghouse. Because I can't think of a deeper hell than that.


You might have time limits though, so that might have spoiled my fun



Almost definitely the director's cut of Boardinghouse. Because I can't think of a deeper hell than that.


You might have time limits though, so that might have spoiled my fun
That one would've been too long (this Hall has a 2.5 hour time limit). It also sounds like it would be a chore to get through. Not sure I could watch a 4.5 hour slasher.



That one would've been too long (this Hall has a 2.5 hour time limit). It also sounds like it would be a chore to get through. Not sure I could watch a 4.5 hour slasher.

Is it four and a half hours?


I thought it was just two and a half.


Wow. Now I want to track it down even more. And leave it up to some poor chump to find my corpse covered in cobwebs, Boardinghouse (director's cut) still playing on the television as the undertaker arrives



Is it four and a half hours?


I thought it was just two and a half.


Wow. Now I want to track it down even more. And leave it up to some poor chump to find my corpse covered in cobwebs, Boardinghouse (director's cut) still playing on the television as the undertaker arrives
Never mind. It is 2.5 hours. I misread the site I looked at.



Hopefully, I didn't just ruin crumbs' life by getting his hopes up.

There are so few moments of beauty in this world.


But four and a half hours of Boardinghouse....

That was one of them

And it was taken away.


I can't possibly be blamed for falling into despair.



Just finished watching Organ (1996). This was weird, but not in an interesting or entertaining way. It was weird in the most boring way possible. It dragged on at times and felt too long. I thought the film was poorly directed overall. The film is muddled and needlessly convoluted. It was also an ugly looking movie, although that may have been intentional. Acting was okay for the most part. There were a couple interesting moments, but not enough to work for me. I found this fairly unpleasant and dull.
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Almost definitely the director's cut of Boardinghouse. Because I can't think of a deeper hell than that.


You might have time limits though, so that might have spoiled my fun
I had this bad boy come in the mail recently. Although I need to watch the theatrical cut first. Sequencing is important.



R.O.T.O.R
Ugh, where's Chuck Norris when you need him?


This is not my favorite genre. I am not really an action/sci-fi person. But this was so lame that it made me want to see Terminator or Robocop to see it done right. The dialogue is just terrible. The pseudo-scientific and pseudo-philosophic language was both incomprehensible and stupid. The down home aw shucks dialogue is just as bad though I got a few laughs out of it. The action sequences were lame. In fact lameness permeated the whole thing. Yet it was not as terrible as Goin' Overboard. I became tired of it after twenty minutes instead of ten minutes. The acting is universally wooden. The editing padded the thing out an extra thirty minutes. There really isn't enough here to adequately fill the running time. I am also at a loss for the reason behind Buglar killing Coldyrn. Though I do love how it all comes to a screeching with Coldyrn's speech about how he has a life with a ranch and a horse and a pretty girl. "Unlike you I've got a future." And then blammo, Buglar shoots him. Others have asked what about Shoeboogie? Well he seems like a token person of color who is handled just as hamfistedly as the rest of the script and ends up being both racist and (with a little light sexual harrassment) sexist. Nothing surprising there when you consider the rest of the script. I think it is just badly done not intentionally awful.
Goin' Overboard is still my number one.



I had this bad boy come in the mail recently. Although I need to watch the theatrical cut first. Sequencing is important.

No worries. It's already a beautiful agony at the theatrical cut.


You only need 2 and a half hours of it if you want to tip yourself over the Event Horizon.



I finally got the link for Lust For Frankenstein to work and suffered through it. Directed by Jesús Franco, this is basically a poorly made porno very loosely connected to Frankenstein. The film is badly shot and the performances are pretty terrible. It goes on for too long. There isn't much of a story or plot here. There were a couple nice "parts" that I enjoyed though. . Franco directed over 180 films in his career. I've seen 13 so far and Lust For Frankenstein is without a doubt his worst film by far. I do like a few of his films, but not this one.
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I rewatched my nomination, Manos The Hands of Fate. I nominated it because it is a masterpiece of cinema, which changed my life. No, that's a lie. I nominated it because Manos is the worst film I have ever seen. Rewatching it did not change my opinion. This is really horribly directed, in every way possible. It is badly filmed and the editing is awful. Acting is dreadful and the screenplay is terrible. I can appreciate bad movies if they are fun or entertaining. This is just boring and inept.


And with that, I am finished the wonderfully awful Hall of Infamy. It's been painful, yet enjoyable. I had fun being tortured with bad movies. Let's do it again sometime!



I forgot the opening line.


Trog - (1970)

Directed by Freddie Francis

Written by Aben Kandel

Starring Joan Crawford, Michael Gough
& Bernard Kay

There is so much wrong with Trog, it's hard to know just where to begin, but the first concrete evidence of this film not really living up to it's ambitions is our monster, Trog himself. Trog has a monkey-mask, and little else to really sell the fact he's the leftover troglodyte this movie claims he is. The rest is just some slightly overweight actor (Joe Cornelius) in caveman clothes. He's so unimpressive, that when you first see him you swear that it's some kind of prank being played on the three spelunkers who open the film. The face you see on the film poster - that's the lot. I was expecting a monkey-man, but you're constantly aware that this is some poor guy with a mask on, and as a result you're already removed from this terribly scripted, campy and horrible movie. The whole film is abysmal, and, to it's own embarrassment I'd reckon, it spent one weekend at the top of the box office in 1970.

A group of British scientists headed by American Dr. Brockton (Joan Crawford - in her final film role) are told by a group of English cave-explorers about a monster residing in a previously unexplored region of caves after it kills one of their companions. Brockton checks this out herself, and when she returns with a photograph of the beast she gets the go-ahead to try and capture it, setting off a media circus. When she successfully gets the ape-man, she transplants it to her laboratory where she runs various tests, both psychological and physiological. But there are certain prominent members in British society who think this "missing link" troglodyte should be put to sleep for the safety of the community. When Brockton's lab is attacked, 'Trog' (as he's affectionately known by now) escapes, going on a murder rampage and kidnapping a child. The army are then brought in to try and bring this film to a end via an overused science-fiction plot-device.

Right from the start I knew I was in trouble, when the cave explorers profoundly note that because there are no footprints in this cave, no other human being has ever set foot in there - as if footprints are always permanent. There's a child-like logic to much of Trog - and if you're at all susceptible to questioning the science of low-budget, silly science fiction films then you'll get no rest. You'll also find that at times, Trog is tremendously, and unintentionally, funny - but before you rush to watch it let me finish - because apart from those occasional moments, Trog is also tremendously, and unintentionally, boring. Joan Crawford is having none of the camp stuff, so she delivers her lines with relentless seriousness and treats Trog as if it's more important than it is. It's as if she was blind to just how ridiculous everything surrounding her was at the time - the silly script and the fake-looking ape-man which are just staring her in the face. To make matters worse, she insists on wearing these pastel jumpsuits which have aged terribly.

I have no idea if it was scripted this way, but Crawford insists on dropping the creature's name, "Trog" into every sentence she utters. "Well done Trog. You've come a long way Trog. Now it's time for some rest Trog. Did you have a good day today Trog? I'll see you tomorrow Trog. Around 6:00am Trog." She just keeps on doing it - it's irritating, and aside from that it sounds silly. In the meantime the Trog-hating villain of the piece, Sam Murdock, is played by Michael Gough for maximum impact - overstepping his bounds a little. These are the only two characters (aside from Trog himself) that you'll take away from the film, and they're both unforgettable for the wrong reasons. They almost steal the attention away from the ridiculous looking monster - and that's saying something. Surely everybody must have had a few qualms with the movie they were making here - they couldn't have been so blind that it escaped their notice.

There are a million little moments that stick out when they shouldn't. The fact that all the trees are unnecessarily being cut down outside the cave when the hunt for Trog is on. The fact that Trog somehow knows complicated wrestling moves. The ice cream van which shows up during what is basically a scientific expedition. The urine-yellow stalactites. The way one character changes his mind from one extreme view to another mid conversation for absolutely no reason. Trog being fed fish and other animals at the exact moment Dr. Brockton is describing him as not being a carnivore (it's technically correct, but still feels strange.) The fact that Trog apparently doesn't need any "sand box" for his, umm, droppings. I'd love to know how that's dealt with. Trog's bizarre memories of dinosaurs fighting amongst themselves - from millions of years ago. The size of the tracker that's implanted into Trog's body (it's huge) - not to mention the fact that it can only track him for half a mile, so is useless. I try to give these films every benefit of the doubt - but again and again, something would happen to throw me.

Speaking about Trog's memory (which is somehow translated onto a television screen - like magic) of the dinosaurs. Not only does it suggest Trog is immortal (permanent? I still can't shake the Manos terminology) but it goes on for a full 4 minutes, which doesn't sound long on paper, but is tremendously long in a film. Dinosaur footage from Irwin Allen's Animal World. It takes Trog into bizarre realms - and doesn't fit at all with the solemn seriousness the tone of this film insists on having from start to finish. Is Trog a million years old? Why aren't there more Trogs? Dr. Brockton doesn't really want to answer these questions, she wants to train Trog like a dog - and during a game of fetch and roll the ball, the fact that they've let this creature roam freely comes back to bite them literally when a neighbour's German Shepherd attacks it, and Trog kills - not for the first time. You'd think a creature which has already killed people without compunction would be a little more controlled - and as such I'm not sure which side we're meant to be on. Brockton is negligent in this film over, and over, and over again.

In the end we're meant to care about what happens to Trog, but we really don't. The film is too ridiculous, and Trog's scientist master is not the most trustworthy person to be in charge - although the film very much wants us to side with her. The cinematography from old-hand Desmond Dickinson is very competent, and the visuals at times bring to mind Hammer Horror features. Composer John Scott is likewise a very talented man, but there is no score that can really do justice to how silly Trog is, and it's seriousness feels very much out of place. Director Freddie Francis always stated that he felt out of his element here, but from where I'm sitting Trog feels very much like a Francis kind of film - except obviously much more silly, while trying to be serious. He ended up regretting having been director on this, having to shepherd a sad Joan Crawford through her last feature with a monster that was actually made-up from ape-man leftovers from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Francis went on to direct films like Tales from the Crypt and Son of Dracula - his career as a cinematographer had him filming the likes of The Innocents, The Elephant Man and many other classics - transforming his resume.

Trog feels like one last gasp from the old, low budget sci-fi and horror b-movies from the 1950s and 60s - movies like Eegah which haunted local drive-ins and promised more than they ever delivered. It feels so very disconnected from the 1970s and the direction films were about to head in. Tellingly, the one firm link that this film has with that era and those films is screenwriter Aben Kandel - and it stands out to even someone who would casually watch a few moments that the screenwriting is absolutely abysmal in this film. Kanel, a Romanian screenwriter with some experience who had regressed somewhat in the 50s and 60s writing screenplays for those b-movies was well into his 70s, and Trog was his second-last film in a nearly 50 year career (I hear it was actually the last screenplay he ever wrote.) He will be forever remembered for this film, which must seem so terribly ironic for someone with such a storied and long career.

So, watching Trog the main over-riding thought is - why didn't they stop? I guess making a film has a momentum all of it's own, with so many professionals given jobs, and so much money already changing hands. What a disaster. So many silly lines, and such a ridiculous monster - a film written by an old man, long turned into a hack, and an ageing screen legend (rumoured to be drunk) who was nevertheless going to deliver this straight. I'm surprised that I've never come across this film before, but perhaps that's because it doesn't seem to be in the public domain. Warner Bros are hanging on to Trog (perhaps that opening weekend is what convinced them) and so it's not recycled like so many other famous failures of the past. Well, I got a few laughs from watching it (I love when the butcher and florist greet each other in the morning - "It's a lovely day! Going to be a good one." - just before Trog comes along and kills them. Those campy moments make my day.) It's sad to see Joan Crawford sink so low - but maybe there's karma working away there, for she wasn't the most saintly lady to appear before the cameras. And Trog. Well, the dinosaurs couldn't kill Trog - and once again the Pentagon and scientists make us ask, who are the real monsters? The answer is probably the Hollywood Producers who insisted on making Trog.

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I have no idea if it was scripted this way, but Crawford insists on dropping the creature's name, "Trog" into every sentence she utters. "Well done Trog. You've come a long way Trog. Now it's time for some rest Trog. Did you have a good day today Trog? I'll see you tomorrow Trog. Around 6:00am Trog."
One of my coworkers talks like this (using people's given names all the time, even if there's no one else around), and I find it very irritating for some reason.



Some things about the DVD of God's Not Dead (I am just starting the film):

1) In their page where they tile all of the PureFlix titles, it's just the same handful of titles repeated over and over again, LOL.

2) By far the most insidious thing about this experience is that the DVD does not allow you to skip or fast-forward the many menu items and trailers that are included. Cool! Who doesn't like being forced to sit through 6 minutes of extra "content" before watching the movie they rented?

3) Dean Cain is really all in on this sub-genre, eh? Whenever I see his name I can't help but think of the John Mulaney bit about him. (I apologize, I cannot find a video of it and I realize text does not convey delivery). I saw this SVU a little while ago... I saw this episode of SVU, and Dean Cain was a rapist… on the show. And there was a scene where they do a line-up with Dean Cain and four other guys and they bring in this woman who's gonna look at the line-up, and it's her behind the glass and they open the curtain and she's standing with the two other detectives. And I knew she wasn't gonna say this, but part of me was hoping she would just be like… "Is that… Dean Cain? F*cking Dean Cain? That's pretty cool."





Trog, 1970

An expedition into a previously unexplored cave uncovers the presence of a troglodyte, a missing link between ancient and contemporary man. Dr. Brockton (Joan Crawford), a scientist at a nearby institute begins to work with the captured creature, believing that he can provide answers about the course of evolution. Brockton is opposed by the very vocal Sam Murdock (Michael Gough), who is convinced the creature should be destroyed.

Has this Hall totally warped my brain? Because I ended up, dare I say, enjoying Trog a lot more than I expected to.

There's an okay, if a bit goofy, film buried in there.

Unfortunately, there are just too many silly things in the way. I mean, Trog's initial communications sound like someone grunting into a kazoo. The mask worn by the actor makes all but the most basic facial expressions impossible. And let's not even get into Trog's protracted flashback sequence, in which, amazingly, his memories manage to perform zooms and pans as if it were a camera.

There's also just a lot of plot-level absurdity. Maybe my favorite example of this was the ludicrous number of times that Murdock heckled the judge in a public hearing about Trog, with him finally being ejected after what felt like half a dozen warnings. When the film gets to its final act, it really doesn't know what to do with itself, and ends up with sort of a King Kong/Frankenstein mish-mash.

I did enjoy the opening sequence, as I find caves and water in caves to be very scary. Those images of the men disappearing into the darkness were spooky looking. There were also some themes about "greater good" arguments against "progress" and sexism within the science community that could have been interesting if they weren't presented so ham-fistedly.



Infamy: 1/2





R.O.T.O.R. (1987)
Directed by: Cullen Blaine
Starring: Richard Gesswein, Carroll Brandon, Margaret Trigg

Despite what character names like Captain Coldyron and Dr. Steele would lead you to believe, some of the writing in R.O.T.O.R. is surprisingly decent, at least compared to what we typically see in low budget science fiction knock-offs. It's trite, and executed poorly, but the dialogue is actually the least of the film's problems. While I did laugh a couple times at the utter incompetence on screen, this isn't a “so bad it's good” situation, and the runtime really dragged in the second half.

The film makers show early on that they have no regard for continuity, when the sky turns pitch black between lines of dialogue, a digital alarm clock is focused on, only to roll back 10 minutes a second later, and a 9am morning drive into work takes place at sunset. A mistake here or there wouldn't be worth noting, but the complete lack of attention to detail in so much of the film's first act alone reflects very poorly on the editors, and on the director.

Even the titular robotic police officer's weakness is inconsistent. Certain noises incapacitate him, while other arguably louder sounds do nothing. All but one of Coldyron's lines are poorly dubbed over, and at this point I'm going to assume that the one vestige of the original performance was a mistake, and it wasn't meant to be left in at all. But of all the things this film does wrong, what I actually disliked the most was that long, pointless yet unedited morning walk across Coldyron's yard to the horse enclosure. What even was that about?

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