Joel's Reviews

I'm amazed you havent seen it, CR. I totally agree with Joel that it is an exquisite looking movie, and whenever I think of this without hesitation I think of one scene of Dracula walking up the staircase with his red cloak following behind. Really beautiful film. And yes, Winona is absolutely beautiful but for me she and Keanu were dreadful casting choices. Apart from that I always enjoy a rewatch. Visually spectacular, and Gary was perfect - I cant think of anyone else at that time who could hve portrayed the character in such an emotional way.

Neon Maniacs (1986)
Director: Joseph Mangine

A small army of deformed warrior killers hide beneath the waterline shore near the Golden Gate Bridge. At night they strike out random innocents, slaying them with samurai swords, chains, spiked balls, crossbows and knife implanted baseball bats. These creatures actually have their own trading cards. A small kid wandering at night finds one of these cards close by to where they dwell. Why do they have their own trading cards? I have no idea. Sadly the film never capitalizes on the potential this otherwise very unique premise offers.

From the get go this picture is damn silly, and really has no idea how to settle on a tone or a clue. Scenes are stretched out to the point of madness, floating around with no end in sight, on the most mundane and routine things, and then..and then...another scene happens. Why is this so?

From what I can tell, this film is the result of an unfinished shooting script. I'm willing to bet someone backed out of putting up completion funds and what we got left with was wishful thinking. But that's not entirely true. Let me explain. The Music. Who in their right mind would ever drop music like this into a film like Neon Maniacs? Joseph Mangine? I'll pretend it's not his fault. This seems to be the work of the devil. The music is basically elevator music. Lobby jazz. Adult contempo lullaby music. It's almost shapeless, or would be, if not for the light and airy percussion that accompanies it somehow, holding it in the audio field so the human ear can hear it. It's not good for anyone. Be cautious if exploring this film.

The movie drags its feet to nowhere, but at the very least we get a Carrie-like ending that features some pretty godawful wanna-be arena rock music. This could be a so bad it's good movie, but really, it's just so bad.

Agreed. His eyes, even behind creature makeup, and especially the ending, really shows the humanity behind the beast that Dracula is otherwise drawn as.

Absolutely. He really has the knack for drawing out the empathy. I might have cried a few times.

I hdnt heard of Lifeforce. Sounds pretty trippy, Joel. Probably right up my alley at the moment, and Mr D loves sci fi so this is a goer.

Before there were any zombie comedies, there was Edgar Wright's pioneering film, Shaun of the Dead. Mixing Dawn of the Dead nightmare nausea with sharply penned comic dialog and staging, Wright's debut feature became a major success, and rightfully so.

I am still in love with this movie. There is so much care put into the writing. Most lines are classic, and a lot of the quick editing makes you think you can't keep up. But you can. This is genius film making disguised as a silly comedy. What separates this from just a silly comedy is the attention to detail and the use of scenes that would not belong in any other movie that tried to be a romantic zombie comedy. Such a thing was set as precedent with this. This movie allows itself to throw in some emotional scenes, and mostly this works seamlessly with the other frat pack mentality taking up a large amount of screen time. The jokes are fast but they aren't wasted. They reverberate. Pop references are aplenty. There's a very strong sense of friendship working behind this movie, and I believe, for me, that is why I enjoy it as much as I do. You can tell that the writing and casting is done amongst either friends, esteemed peers, or admired legends.

Many imitations have followed this film to much less appeal. Some folks even try and compare a movie like this to films that aren't even in the same ball park. Word of warning, you may have to try hard to understand that this is actually a comedy and not a serious horror film like Romero's trilogy. The beauty of Shaun of the Dead is that even though this may be the case, it works as a few different films in one. It does manage to lay the atmosphere on fairly thick at times.

I'll say this...Mr. D might be up in arms at the amount of female nudity in this. The main Vampiress walks around nude for the entire film. Just an FYI. lol

Been a looooong time since I seen Lifeforce, probably like 30 years. I remember it seemed rememberable. I can still remember how the hot vampire space chick sucked the life out of guys, desiccating them like some extraterrestrial silica gel. What a way to go!

Fright NighT (1985)
Director: Tom Holland

Charlie Brewster is an all-american boy next door who has a girlfriend, a whacky best friend, and a semi normal home life. That is until one night when he peers out his bedroom window and sees his new next door neighbors carrying a coffin through the back yard.

Tom Holland, who wrote Psycho II, directs with his debut film about vampires living in suburbia.

This is a funny film. It is comfortable as a teen comedy, but just as relaxed as it gets on with those disposable notes, it conjures up some really effective creepiness when it starts turning into a classic old monster-movie styled thriller. All of the Universal ghosts seem to be watching here, and I think that may be largely due to the casting of Roddy McDowall. His role as a tv actor portraying a fearless vampire killer gets tested for real when Charlie Brewster confronts him to help protect his friends and family from the new fanged neighbors. Naturally, the "fearless" vampire killer thinks this is a silly joke. At first.

Roddy McDowall has been around Hollywood for a long, long time. He's hosted parties to the biggest stars, and collected libraries worth of 35mm prints, so it's no surprise that having him in a film like this lends a sizable amount of gravity and bravura. There's a gentle and good humored demeanor about him, but there's also a bit of a thorny diva, and all of this personality really makes Fright Night stand out.

Brad Fiedel, who scored The Terminator, also contributes some memorable score that helps develop the changing moods of the picture.

Chris Sarandon (Prince Humperdink) plays Jerry, the vampire next door. His charisma mixed with an underlying no-nonsense air of superiority and playboy cock sure'ness assists with the working of tv actress Amanda Bearse (Marcy from Married with Children).

Rounding out the cast is a very funny, if briefly showcased, Jonathan Stark as the vampire's support system, William Ragsdale as the affable Charlie Brewster, and Stephen Geoffreys as Brewster's squirrely and obnoxious best friend, who actually turns in the most memorable performance in the film as a mentally injured jokester who may have the option to succumb to the dark side of the night.

I really like the effects this film has to offer. They are simple in-camera tricks with a few optical passes thrown in for good measure, but they pop because the colors chosen are classy. You take well rendered visual effects and combine them with a nice fog and set design and you have my movie coin for sure.

What else can I say? This is a classic film that deserves film preservation. It's at the top of my list for vampire themed films, and it's a hell of a good time, to boot!

I'll do my best to prevent him running off to the Wont You Think Of The Children's lobby group to have it banned, Joel.

Just thinking of the kids, Dani, that's all. Don't want to offend Mr. D, either. It's in your hands now!

I know, right? If I am going to be murdered, I want that vampire chick to suck the life out of me, and if she asks where I want the kiss, well,..you know I may have to get creative with my option.

The Zero Boys (1986)
Director: Niko Mastorakis

Greek director Niko Mastorakis combines action teen comedy with slasher backwoods horror a'la Deliverance in this genre re-arranging 80's horror that manages to be atmospheric, creepy and ridiculous all at the same time. Big surprise.

What worked for me was the location(s). Primarily, the wooded cabin at night, which encompasses about 90% of the film. Weekend paint ball warriors find an "abandoned" cabin, fully furnished with electricity and questionable food contents in the freezer. Take a few guys, a few girls, and some really bad attempts at talking serious psychology on a swinging porch chair as a first date and you have the beginning of The Zero Boys. Well, almost. Let me rewind 10 minutes prior.

The film starts off as a shoot 'em up action picture. What exactly is going on here? Some guy is wearing a painted swastika on his face. Slow motion Peckinpah rip-off. Now it's some dude dressed as John Rambo, twisting his face just like Stallone, letting out a battle cry.


Cut to 30 minutes forward. Back at the cabin at night. These now fully armed group of teens with REAL guns (convenient) must outwit and outrun some crazed killers who enjoy filming torture porn out in their barn. This film may be one of the first 1986 torture porn indicators. But honestly, that's not something to brag about. They're destroying all of those vintage vcr's with their machine guns!! Stop it!

I liked this movie. It's downright absurd and anti climactic, but it's also bold and kind of fun despite the mixed tone and grade Z acting. It has ambition. Sure, it drops like a bag of cement in a mud puddle but at least it tried to be something different.

Trivia: Renowned composer Hans Zimmer scores about 85% of this film. It was his first big gig as composer. Also, someone who looks like Charlie and Martin Sheen plays one of the killers. Guess what? He's related to the Sheens. He's an Estevez. Forgot his name...Carlos?

Yes, this is a major Deliverance rip-off. But not really. The basic premise is five city guys go hunting on a weekend getaway. You get an assortment of characters ranging from white collar to blue collar to grey collar. One guy is a sissy, one is a sloppy drunk, another is a weathered every-man, we get a streetwise middle ager and another is a stand up tax payer. But there's more. Each character is written well. At least, well enough to make this movie a bit of fun getting to the big surprise. When danger shows its face in the middle of the night, and the suspense really sets in once the carnage is in full swing, we still get characters who are written well enough to sustain interest. That's why Hunter's Blood is not just some Deliverance knock-off. True as it may be that the general story shares a lot of similarities, this movie is in a class of its own.

Music is a big part of Hunter's Blood. The score seems a little ahead of its time. It reminds me of Ry Cooder's score for Paris Texas, except it's not nearly as dreamy. There's an undercurrent of doom in there, but it's all rendered very well, and makes the terror that strikes that much more intense.

Violence is in no shortage, either. Things get really gruesome so, if you have a weak stomach, don't bother. But what would you expect from a Roger Corman affiliated venture? This was released direct to video on Embassy Home Entertainment, and the Manson film logo is basically a straight forgery of a Weintraub emblem just flipped upside down. What'cha gonna do? That's low budget film biz for ya.

I can watch this film at least once every few years. It has some really funny bits that elevate the b-movie mist into a higher territory. Something about this movie seems like it belongs to a more polished distribution house, and what could it have been had it been re-worked a bit more, polished and carefully carved into something that didn't bite so much off of Boorman's superior picture?

Who cares?

Enjoy it for what it is. A tense and rewarding exploitation film that has a good sets of balls on it and a decent ending for the time it was released. In fact, the ending owes a bit to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

That sounds promising. Infact the whole review appeals. Thanks for that, Joel.

Any more coming? I enjoy your reviews and it's 41C here so chilling out with a read and my watch list.

Thanks, Dani! Glad I can be of some value once in a while, lol.

I'm probabaly done for tonight, but, going forward, I may do a movie tab sort of thing, just on this thread, no official review for the forum, but an "at a glance" list, for quick notes to allure some potential viewers of films that I like to gnosh on.

Michael Crichton hasn't directed too many films, especially compared with his large body of novels, as he is primarily a writer. His only real contributions were Westworld (1973), Coma (1978), Runaway (1984), and Looker.

Looker centers around a high profile plastic surgeon played by a still semi youthful Albert Finney. After a small handful of genetically perfect models have died, the surgeon becomes a number one suspect. Trying to piece together why his pen and jacket button were at the scene of an apparent accidental death, he soon plunges into a conspiracy to use beautiful young women to model them into computer generated physical models, paying them a sum of $250,000 a year to be able to use their likeness in a multitude of commercials, no longer needing the models. To prevent the actual models from continuing work on their own, they are systematically killed off, as an old document. This is a large plot hole in the film because it is never explained. I had to research a tiny bit to understand this facet of the story, but it's helpful, since editing this film was apparently a real pain in the ass for director Crichton.


The "look" of Looker is kind of special. Very early yet striking advances in computer technology are on display in read-outs, light projection and set design. There isn't much shortage of atmosphere or high tech eye candy. I'd say this is a major strength of the picture. In addition, there's no mistaking the quick flashes of absurd humor in Looker, so maybe Crichton knew very well that his plot was shot. The emphasis on visuals, a charismatic lead in Finney, and taking the piss out of the advertising industry seems to be the focal points, shooing away any real cohesive plot in favor of the aura you get with the film.


This is a silly movie. It's clunky, highly unlikely, the characters do stupid things, especially the bad guys, who, after only being poked in the hand by the hero's knife, decide to retreat after opening machine gun fire. Albert Finney is fit as a fiddle for the top class surgeon. A plastic surgeon action hero of sorts. His charm and humor carry much of the otherwise ridiculous plotting and interplay of characters.


This is a very sexy film. There are a couple of scenes of nudity. Though the film is rated PG, it feels like an R, it looks like an R, and it probably should have been rated R. But oh well. Those were the good old days of the MPAA.


James Coburn plays the head bad guy. The evil advertising fat cat who must dominate people with his subliminal pupil trance technology elicited by the CGI supermodels selling everything from perfume to cockroach killer.


Looker is a special kind of film. It's certainly dumb and confusing because it lacks cohesive editing, but it's also sublime and sophisticated in equal measure, allowing a kind of poetic pacing and sound bed to overtake the viewer's senses, immersing them into a technological sci fi thriller comedy with a lot of hot chicks and some really pretty lights and sets.

And I forgot to mention the BIGGEST star of the film: THE MUSIC. A high tech and eerie score by Barry De Vorzon is what today's chill wave, synth wav and retro wav are blueprinted on. I was digging the tracks throughout! What's peculiar is that Barry has won six emmy's, one being for daytime soap opera Young and the Restless. He's co-penned songs for The Carpenters and Joe Walsh's In the City. He also wrote the music for The Warriors. To say the guy is versatile would be a big understatement.

I've scattered this review much like the film itself is scattered. I'd like to wrap this up with mention of the L.O.O.K.E.R gun. It's basically a gun that fires a bright white and wide laser light that blinds the subject, suspends them in a trance for long stretches of time, so the bad guy can have his way. This is a fun component of the movie. It's so absurd, and inconsistent with its own rules, I couldn't help but get a few healthy laughs along the way when some action sequences were taking place.

This entry into the Jason Vorhees franchise got completely burned at the stake because (spoiler) it wasn't actually Jason doing all the killings, and because it was more of the same. "More of the same". Well, that sums up every slasher film, doesn't it? It's always the same. Nudity, sex, death. What stands out in this part V of the Friday the 13th series isn't just "more of the same" but also the "hit you over the head" humor that seems to have been completely missed by anyone I've seen talk about it.

A New Beginning is absolutely hilarious. We get television sitcom styled comfortability with endearing performances only to see these Full House styled characters die a horrible death minutes later, if not sooner. The dialog is so over the top when it wants to be. Yes, we get more nudity, TONS more, and that's OK by me. Nudity is good. We get more violence. Well, that's kind of what these types of films are about, anyway, so...

There's this blatantly obvious clue that keeps popping its head up around every corner as to who the killer really is. The way this is handled made me almost choke on laughter. Yes, the director knew very well what he was doing. Danny Steinmann is a very, very funny man. Almost every scene is written with obnoxious comedy in mind. The way these yuks are carried out is a hoot, too. A balding, middle aged partier waits for his hot date waitress as he sits in his hot rod, sniffing cocaine with the music blasting. A line goes up his nose and he just says "ehhwweoeh!" A stuttering geek tries his hand at seducing a ginger haired hottie on the couch late at night. " I want to make love to you." This is a superb installment into the Friday the 13th canon.

Things just keep getting more ridiculous by the minute. There's no way to cover everything and I wouldn't want to. As much a fan as I am of the high camp featured in F13 6: Jason Lives, I am now in the camp of feeling strongly about part 5 A New Beginning. It's just so damn funny. It gives the viewer exactly what they want when it's time to shut the brain off and watch some cheap horror. Hey, the editing is good on this picture. It's tight. The writing of the characters is fun and very obnoxious. How can so many critics miss the camp appeal of this film, I am astounded that it has been dismissed so flimsily.

People talk about about this film and that film as being "in a class its own because of this or that, even though it's just a typical kind of formula. Uhhh, well!?! That's this movie right here, duh!

I enjoyed this movie. I'd seen it several times over the last (coughhack!) odd years, but its never dawned on me how goofy and fun it is, even for a story that centers around ruthless murders of young people. Maybe I'm not the only one who should rewatch it, take it for another spin?