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I actually really liked FFXIII. I completely finished it twice, once when I had a PS3 and got the platinum trophy then again when I switched to 360 and got perfect gamerscore. Lightning Returns was...just fine in comparison. I liked the customization options, but that was about it.
I'll defer to SpoonyOne for this who took a solid 3 hours to explain each and every way it sucks.
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Movie Reviews | Anime Reviews
Top 100 Action Movie Countdown (2015): List | Thread
"Well, at least your intentions behind the UTTERLY DEVASTATING FAULTS IN YOUR LOGIC are good." - Captain Steel





Hot Fuzz
Action Horror Comedy / English / 2007

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

Always been resistant to see this, I'm not big on Simon Pegg's comedy.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Marriage, Ice Cream, Chocolate Cake, some anonymous slabs of Meat, Dogs, Swans, Pigs, and Horses.

While I'm was not a fan of Shaun of the Dead, I see the appeal in Hot Fuzz a lot better. I think a big part of it is simply a combination of the concept and Simon Pegg's performance who plays a hyper-intense by-the-book cop who finds himself in rural whateversville where his keen sense of crime goes unappreciated.

I liked it when it was playing up the situations with ridiculously inappropriate musical stings, extreme reaction zoom-ins, and charmingly transparent villainy.

It's the sort of comedy where Timothy Dalton as the Hidden Boss in a given scene will lean in all winks and smiles and make a passing joke about beating somebody's skull open, provoking blatant eerie music to play and a crooked slow-mo zoom into Pegg's hyper-suspicious sideglance, entirely in service to the audience's expected narrative conventions.

It's WHOLLY self-aware and I appreciate that.

It got a couple giggles out of me, but for the most part I have to admit I expect much more from comedies that lean on their humor. While the later absurdity lives up to it's trailers, much of the build-up to Simon Pegg and Nick Frost shooting at old people packing heat falls closer to that realm found in Shaun of the Dead: A lot of really mundane deadpan jokes.

Just small ironies.

Just trivial verbal gags.

Just a serious-but-not-entirely-serious tone throughout.

It does very little for me and while certain setups make their payoff like the Point Break reference, others disappoint; it woulda been a great opportunity to totally break format at the end when they're fighting in the model village for them to go all Godzilla mode on us, give us some slow-mo crashing backwards into buildings and ****.

Overall, it's certainly not bad and there are certainly memorable highlights, but the majority does not demand to be seen again.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]

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I think I like Hot Fuzz more every time I see it. It's definitely a favourite of mine, and I appreciate both the comedy and the over-the-top action bits at the end.

My favourite thing about it though, is what they left out of the movie. Supposedly they removed (an unnecessary) love interest for Angel from the original script, but they left some of her dialogue in the film and gave those lines to Danny. Pegg and Frost are always great together, but I like their friendship in this movie the most.

To this day I still repeat "the greater good" in a monotone voice whenever someone else says it.



My favourite thing about it though, is what they left out of the movie. Supposedly they removed (an unnecessary) love interest for Angel from the original script, but they left some of her dialogue in the film and gave those lines to Danny. Pegg and Frost are always great together, but I like their friendship in this movie the most.
THAT WAS SO WEIRD, I almost thought Danny was gonna turn out to be gay or something.





This Girl Is Bad-Ass!!
Martial Arts Action Comedy / Thai / 2011

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

Jeeja Yanin's third starring movie after Chocolate and Raging Phoenix and one Zotis has floated around the board a couple times.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Cake, Fried Chicken, Cake, Milkshakes, Cake, Cake, constant Cake.

You thought a mentally handicapped martial arts showdown was weird?

You thought drunken b-boys battling goons on razor spring-shoes was weird?

This the most WTF of the three and at least here it's all in the name of comedy. It gets BIZARRE, you got "elephant fighting" as a euphemism for gay sex (or "dueling penises" if you'd prefer), you'd got a guy with nothing but bushy eyebrows, sideburns, and a Hitlerstache rolling around on a penny-farthing bicycle, you've got a "female assassin squad" consisting of mostly men, and literally every moment that melodramatically slow zooms in on two people talking about something serious and that soft piano music starts playing... dead people joke.

I gotta admit, I laughed more than in Hot Fuzz, but at least Hot Fuzz was consistent in it's brand and general quality of humor, here you got jokes that range wildly in tone and maturity. Frankly, I'd have cut a lot of it out, there's absolutely nothing to gain but the grim acknowledgement at an ATTEMPT at humor when Jeeja overacts her blind infatuation with the neighbor boy that she... sweeps her uncles's sandals away.

Ha. Haha. Ha.

Seriously, when a comedy feels the need to reference placentas not once, but TWICE, eeeeeeehhhhhhh......

That random dead serious bit about her uncle killing the husband of his love interest is a big fat black hole in the script too.

There are also two levels of absurdity here too, there's the "LOOK AT ME THIS IS REALLY WEIRD!" moments which don't amuse me at all, but then there are moments like this:



That got me laughing, we needed more of that, just a dead serious plot about gang smuggling and debt trimmed with characters like that one guy who "dum duhdum dum"s his own dramatic musical stings.

When Jeeja's character's uncle walks into the final battle flicking bullets cross-body into the barrel of his revolver in slow-mo as rock music starts playing, that was great.

Great... but an extremely predictable setup for an ironic anticlimax.

There are 4 main fights in the movie and quite the inverse of before it's they that feel tacked on to the story as opposed to the other way around. The third one's just dull given it's almost entirely in slow-mo, but the others are decent with a solid incorporation of props ranging from bicycles to bottles. As a fight movie I think this is probably the weakest of the three.

In general I'd place it above Chocolate, but below Raging Phoenix.

I'd like to address this one comment on Rotten Tomatoes:

Originally Posted by Elvy Landa
Bad flick. Too much comedy. Barely any action in this. Just a weird and humorless film. Totally ruined Yanin's flow as an action star. Not worth your time at all.
Ignoring the highly questionable claim that any comedy is "humorless" (humor isn't necessarily funny), you have to acknowledge that despite how this movie was clearly marketed overseas, it's primarily a comedy.

It's important to consider judgment versus intent, but the intent of the movie should be distinguished from the intent of it's marketing.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]

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Ong Bak: Muay Thai Warrior
Martial Arts Action / Thai / 2003

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I've seen bits of Ong Bak 2 and know it contains elephants, but haven't seen Ong Bak 1, the movie that put Tony Jaa on the map.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Lizard, anonymous Meat Slabs *sighs* it's less than usual at least.

In The Protector, the MacGuffin was Tony Jaa's elephant, and as much as I disliked that, I can't say a religious idol is much of an improvement.

Jaa plays Ting, who volunteers to track down the thief of his village's Buddha statue head and in the process runs into Jeeja's uncle from This Girl is Bad-Ass!!, Petchtai Wongkamlao, who this time is playing one of the most despicable protagonists I've ever seen.

All Ting wants is to find Don, the man who stole the statue, who Petchtai's character knows and at EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY tries to extort Ting's fighting ability for the information.

The guy starts this relationship by inviting the guy into his house, stealing from him, and running away. DUDE, that's like the stupidest crime you could possibly commit, there's no need to tell him where you live, YOU BROUGHT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE, he could just wait there for you to come back to beat you up, if he wanted to.

Even after he finally does get Ting to fight and wins big on his abilities he goes back home and STILL totally ducks paying rent which Ting covers with a random ring he has. The manager doesn't even question how valuable the ring is, he just automatically accepts it as the equivalent of 3 months payment. How MUCH is 3 months rent around here? Is rent so little or are rings that expensive?

No less, Ting later brags that EVERYBODY knows Don, so what the ****? He's seriously the sort of ******** who'll charge a tourist for common knowledge, go **** YOURSELF, dude. I don't like this guy and his turn from baddie to goodie absolutely fails to salvage this repulsive personality.

I'm glad Ting doesn't buy into his irritatingly loud-mouthed selfish ******** most of the time, but he also doesn't seem to lend much weight to the completely thoughtless setup to his martial arts abilities.

"I see that I have trained you in the art of Muay Thai and your body is at peak physical perfection. Now I forbid you from using this valuable skill under any and all circumstances."

Brilliant.

Sure enough, Ting gets wrapped up in fights and even claims multiple times that he's willing to sacrifice his own life to recover Buddha's head. Meanwhile, the villain himself is pointing out that "it's just a rock".

Meanwhile meanwhile old women are grieving in a dirty old village somewhere in butt**** nowhere that their well has dried up and that only blessed Ting can save them by bringing back the object of their worship.

IT'S A ****ING ROCK, I'm not invested in this ****. You don't even have the Indiana Jones excuse where he just wants to preserve history and art and we don't even have the moment of clarity at the end where the giant Buddha statue looks down on a dying Ting and winks at him WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT.

No, it's just this superstitious ****.

Fortunately the fight sequences are pretty good with the occasional Crowing Moment of Awesome thrown in such as when Tony Jaa JUMPS OUT OF AN EXPLOSION TO DELIVER A SPINNING FIRE KICK TO THE FACE.


Scientific consensus is that this is cool.

The ending also has a couple "OH ****!" moments in it, particularly when Tony Jaa delivers what appears to be the epic final blow in a long-winded fight sequence only to turn around and IMMEDIATELY get shot in the chest. I laughed at that.

The worst action sequence by far is the taxi chase which has got to be the worst car chase I've ever seen in a movie.

They're not even cars, they're tiny canopied three-wheelers that goons just jump into and ride individually even though there's no good reason given why any of them jump into them and start driving en masse.

SURE ENOUGH, since they only have three wheels they almost instantly tip over and create a MASSIVE pileup, seriously there's a small army of goons driving these stupid things and the vast majority of them spin out and crash right away.

It's even more hilarious when THEY EXPLODE.

Unfortunately, the hilarity that comes with someone bringing a gun to a fistfight or even a goofy zoom in that shops flames into Tony's eyes and then there's the hilarity of OH MY GAWD, ELEPHANTS!? AGAIN!? WHAT'S WITH THE ELEPHANTS??? You managed a whole hour and 40 minutes without them COULD YOU NOT WAIT TO FINISH THE MOVIE?? Why you got a hard-on for elephants?


Wait a second.


...


That "elephant fighting" thing just put this in a whole new perspective.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]






The Bourne Identity
Action Thriller / English / 2002

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I know I've at least seen one full Bourne movie and bits of others, but I don't think I've seen Bourne Identity.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Fishing and a Dog.

I have seen The Bourne Identity, but the only scene I remember is the only clip of it I saved to my super secret collection of movie clips which I keep stored in a bombproof sensorproof bunker 3 miles beneath an inconspicuous coffee shop in Paris.

It's the scene where they're at the house and looking for the dog and when the birds stop chirping Bourne's all "get in the basement" and leaves to surprise an assassin with a shotgun explosion.

Overall I gotta say it's fine movie, but it is forgettable and I feel that that's purely by virtue of it's generic concept (black ops agent loses memory, government tries to tie up loose end) and that it doesn't have much of it's own personality other than exactly what you'd expect from a big budget action Hollywood movie with just enough going for it to put asses in theater seats.

Even not having seen much of the other movies, I am inclined to agree that Bourne is far too boring of a character to carry on with, but I'll admit that his presentation as a once stone-cold-killer turned someone who doesn't even want to carry a gun or endanger children is a enough to keep me somewhat invested, at least in this arc of his story.



It's rather frustrating to try and come to terms with a government organization, given speed by bureaucracy, that has no qualms with just killing it's employees the moment they make a mistake, like it's expected. It's certainly not the kind of movie that reinforces one's faith in the government, especially when the real-world government is more than guilty of much of the same. It disgusts me the society that breeds this sort of system.

Not much a happy ending either if the organization folds only to be resurrected into a new one. That's clearly the most important conflict here, Bourne renting out that scooter didn't really hold much suspense for me.

OH, BUT WAIT! It wasn't the scooter that was important, it was their RELATIONSHIP which is sufficiently handwaved with some exposition about our leading lady being a drifter to begin with, come for the money and stay for the action, right? That works, but NO.

I have groaned and whinged no harder than when that inevitable kiss comes right the flying **** out of nowhere. And it's presumed they had sex?

How is that anything other than a profoundly stupid idea? Mmmm, yes, gotta cut yourself a slice a dat Matt Damon poontang. You have only what you can take with you, DID YOU BRING CONDOMS??? Nooo? Let's assume you did and then ask ourselves what a lovely situation we would find ourselves in if Leading Lady STILL got herself knocked up by the violent stranger on the run from the law THAT WANTS TO KILL THEM?

NICE. Stupid bitch.


Final Verdict:
[Pretty Good]

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The Bourne Supremacy
Action Thriller / English / 2004

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Nothin'. Nada. NOT A SINGLE THING.

Good.

Okay, no I've seen this too, but I remember it better. There are a few scenes that stick out in my mind in particular, such as when Bourne feigns drunkeness out of nowhere and spits alcohol in an officer's face as well as the scene in which he peers in on Pamela and presses her for information over the phone only to "Psyche! I'm right next to you!". I liked that.

Frankly, I kinda feel bad about grinding on the Bourne series after seeing this again, because it's honestly hard to criticize.

It's about as long as Identity, but it's pacing makes it go fast.

The plot is mostly cohorent.

The action is punchy.

There are some neat bits just to watch from a third-person perspective.

And hey, we got a more appropriate happy ending this time.

If I HAD to complain, I'd firstly admit that I still don't know the majority of the characters' names or precisely understand the nature of the Big Bad's plans.

I didn't much care for the garbled flashback sequences, and really shaky cam does become a bit much as it goes on.

"They don't make mistakes"? Didn't this entire story BEGIN because Bourne "made a mistake"?

Also, Bourne is a fair bit less interesting here, and he was barely interesting to begin with. He's really just a stock underdog badass character, there's pitifully little nuance to him, but at least we get a pinch of what we saw from Identity with the ending which has him apologize to a daughter he orphaned prior to losing his memories.

As well-made as it is, I have to admit that just because my only complaints are nitpicks doesn't automatically earn it a 5/5. It's really gotta hit it out of the park with something and perhaps that's the problem with it. There are solid moments throughout it's running time, but overall falls short of the movies that are much easier to criticize, but simultaneously more enjoyable for their ambition and eccentricities.


Final Verdict:
[Pretty Good]

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City Hunter
Action Comedy / Chinese / 1993

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I was promised Jackie Chan as Chun-Li.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Milk, Rat, WTF.

If Snake in the Eagle's Shadow is pure 70s and Police Story is pure 80s, then City Hunter is pure 90s.

You have most of staples you'd come to expect from a 90s American comedy, except this time with more guns, more blood, more BLATANT DEATH, and even a gay rape joke. It's all in a family friendly spirit though, this seriously isn't anything you wouldn't see pulled off by the likes of say... Flubber. It's very cartoony.

Honestly I thought the first third of this movie was pretty decent, perhaps I simply haven't seen a typical 90s comedy in a long time, but I thought the immediately tongue-in-cheek 4th-wall-breaking jokes right out of the gate actually served Chan's usual goofiness really well.

Then it started to GRATE. It was probably around the millisecond in time in which a hungry Chan looks down at a girl's breasts and makes a stupid monkey face as the movie superimposes Burgers over them and he imagines her arms and legs as Chicken Wings.

That's... SERIOUSLY ****ED UP.

What is WRONG with society that this passes as a JOKE? I'm ****in' sickened.



Chan's tailchasing certainly doesn't end at ogling either, we get lines like "I've never met a man who wasn't a sex fiend" and "you hit like a girl", topped off with a sour dollop of Monogamy Syndrome to boot.

The action sequences are decent, sparse, but decent. Chan, unfortunately, plays an inconsistently able version of himself where at one point he literally needs to take points from watching Bruce Lee in Game of Death.

The infamous Street Fighter sequence is pretty bizarre, not because Chan is in drag playing the legendary Thunder Thighs Chun-Li, that's somehow very appropriate, but just because it's so completely out of nowhere and unapologetically puts both of them on wires. This is the kind of movie that uses TONS of speed-ramping and low shots of people flying across the camera. It's very 90s.

Altogether, I'm glad movies generally aren't made all ADHD like this anymore, but at the same time I have to admit, I saw a silver streak in this. If this approach to comedy was refined and drew the line at spread-eagle faceplants, ogling girls' boobs, and cartoon sound effects, I could see this being a solid comedy.

Maybe.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]

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I was expecting the Bourne Ultimatum next after the last two reviews, so I'm surprised to see Jackie Chan's face haha.

I rewatched the three Jason Bourne movies (ignoring the side story Legacy) with my room mates a week before the new one hit theatres, and watching them in short succession was not really a good idea, because they really felt too similar. They were a lot duller (and also way more shaky) than I had remembered them being, and instead of making me interested in the new entry, they actually made me not want to see it. I do plan to rent it out or something, but my desire to do so is still pretty low.



I was expecting the Bourne Ultimatum next after the last two reviews, so I'm surprised to see Jackie Chan's face haha.

I rewatched the three Jason Bourne movies (ignoring the side story Legacy) with my room mates a week before the new one hit theatres, and watching them in short succession was not really a good idea, because they really felt too similar. They were a lot duller (and also way more shaky) than I had remembered them being, and instead of making me interested in the new entry, they actually made me not want to see it. I do plan to rent it out or something, but my desire to do so is still pretty low.
I imagine I'd burn out hardcore if I saw all three back to back.

*EDIT: I have no interest in the new movie either.





Cliffhanger
Action Thriller / English / 1993

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I've never even heard of this movie before.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Horses, Dogs, Bats, and Bunnies.

I wish I had, John Lithgow as the BAD GUY? Sign me up!

He doesn't cheese it up quite as much as I would have preferred, but he plays his part well.

There are a couple small niggles I have about the movie, why didn't Ms. Brainiac McPlotDevice use her legs to cross on the rope? Doesn't it make sense to try and mimic how her hubby did it EXACTLY so as not to fall to her grisly death, especially since she has an established fear of heights?

We're seriously laying blame on Stallone's character because his weight on the line... DIDN'T break the line? Isn't that the entire reason NOT to go out on the line, because the extra weight to snap it loose? No, let's blame his weight on the woman's utter refusal to cling to her life with BOTH HANDS. That's a really annoying trope, IF YOU'RE DANGLING FOR YOUR LIFE, no amount of "me~ah I have poor upper body strength" is gonna excuse you dying because you couldn't commit enough effort to throw your other hand up.

You can hijack trains, but you can't hijack planes? FORESHADOWING~!

Also, ears? Cold? Are not your ears cold? Mine would be cold.

Overall I think it was a decent movie, it wasn't afraid to kill off a few characters, it has at least one moment of ridiculous badassery (killing a man on a stalagtite) and Lithgow slithering a couple of his lines makes me tingle.

Originally Posted by Evil Lithgow
You know what real love is, Kristel? SACRIFICE.
Now, honestly it could've been better. I had hoped that the bad guys would legitimately feign being innocent hikers so Stallone would have to glean their malicious intentions as he's tries to escort them through the mountains, presumably after one of their "friends". It would naturally lend itself to suspense well, but sadly that doesn't happen.

Also that line from Lithgow about comparing himself to a conquerer. You gonna build on that line? Maybe elaborate on what he intends to do with the money? Does he think he's taking back what's he's owed for some past transgression? A little development woulda gone a long way.

Anyway, cool flik.


Final Verdict:
[Pretty Good]

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Return of the Living Dead
Horror Comedy / English / 1985

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
CURVEBALL!

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"BBBRRAAAIIINNNSSS!"

Butterflies, Lamb Chops, Pot Roast, Chocolate, Hotdogs, and that really ****ed up Split Dog thing.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

That was the best damn zombie movie I've ever seen.



I'm serious, and you probably know I hate horror, and have no doubt I am NO FAN of zombies, but that was a GOOD movie.

Being the first movie to introduce Tar Man, the progenitor of the idea that all zombies want BRAINSSS, I was really only familiar with it's historical relevance (I saw it referenced in some WatchMojo's Top Movie Monsters list or some ****), but I was encouraged to see it based on the not-so-serious promotional material featuring a cavalcade of punk, and punk girls no less.

BOY, did this movie deliver, it's not quite the pure cheese I would expect, but it's nonetheless the oldschool trashy 80s thriller I had hoped for. It's surprisingly reserved in it's depiction of gore, and if you can stomach the practical effects, Tar Man is very well choreographed and that half-lady zombie they strap down to a table is REALLY well done.

Have no doubts, I would be well in my place to say I found these aspects of the movie unpleasant, but both come with just that hint of WTF that makes me giggle.



I mean, I sat there, hoping to see a line of police cars roll up to kick some ass only for all of them to be swarmed IMMEDIATELY, because that would be really funny, AND IT HAPPENED.

And then of course you got zombies getting on the radio to "send more cops".

There are couple small aspects I could sniff at like the "queer" comment, the "nobody dies with perfect teeth" comment, the "getting eaten by old men turns me on" comment, or even the fact that the Morgue Guy gets a cup of coffee with his bloody gloves EEEEEWWWWWWW, this really wasn't a grossout movie, at least to me.

It's an interesting little romp around the genre and little touches of flair like the skeletons bursting out of the ground to Partytime by 45 Grave, and dialog gems like "Do you think the movie lied!?" really sold me.

SO, what is this BLASHPHEMY where a horror movie gets a good rating from me!?


Final Verdict:
[Pretty Good]

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Goldfinger
Thriller / English / 1964

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I've never seen a pre-Brosnan James Bond movie.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

Kissing and Horses.

I think people who like this movie are either diehard Bond fans or find a highly specific appeal in Bond's seemingly arbitrary goofiness.

When this movie begins with jarringly bad speed ramping and Bond just generally sucking at putting up a fight, I was immediately put off. Bond sucks in every fistfight he gets into in this movie, and given the established fact that he needs all of his gadgets explained to him, supposedly every mission (because he has different ones in each movie, right?) it makes it seem as if his only purpose is to schmooze his way through enough pussy to see the Big Bad's master plan and merely be present for the climax.

He has a small handful of moments of cleverness and they honestly make up the best parts of the movie, but the rest feels boring, and at times absurd.

He lures a guard into his cell just by disappearing out of the extremely limited view of the window? That's weak.

Was I supposed to buy that an aerosol would drop all of those troops soundlessly and simultaneously the moment the plane flew overhead? That was weak too.

Bond is strapped to a table, about to have his penis lasered off, and he manages to spook Goldfinger into letting him go on the grounds that he has the name of the guy's pseudo-heist plan and only the conspicuously non-specific implication that he knows what it even is? That was incredibly weak.

Pussy Galore had a change of heart? SUPER WEAK. Jeez, after Dredd I think I'm going to name a new trope: Schindler's Twist. It's when a hardass gets a heel-face-turn and there's absolutely no ****ing warning of it or indication as to what could have possibly have convinced the character to switch sides.

Bond says something to the effect "appealing to her maternal instinct". What, after that "he kills little girls" comment which you just had thrown back in your face? And literally nothing else?

I don't think the women in this movie can act very well either, two of them are supposed to being grimacing in their respective scenes, but they seriously look like they're on the verge of laughing.

It's also really obvious where the movie's budget went too. The movie's early and outdoor composite shots were a sacrifice in favor of a huge and highly elaborate transforming Villain Lair.

And to top it all off, all of Sean Connery's charm can't save this:



Alright, spare me a soapbox moment and let me say one thing on the topic of feminism.

It's really stupid. NOWADAYS, it's really stupid, it scarcely has a legitimate place in the modern world, at least where first world countries are concerned. Elsewhere? A far more credible discussion.

In the vein of criticizing modern third-wave feminism though I've heard people argue that "no, there is no double standard for men when it comes to sex", asserting that men who **** a lot of women are no less denigrated as sluts than women who **** a lot of men.

If you don't already find that concept silly, then let me formally present to you my counter-argument: James Bond, an over 60-year-old franchise that remains a multi-million dollar product to this day, one of the biggest signatures of which being the single-file-line of various girls he beds with little more than a wink and a smile every single movie.

They're literally called "Bond Girls", their identities inextricably exist only to reflect well on him.

Men like him because he's a power fantasy character and this power fantasy character specifically satisfies a masculine ideal, one in which the ease with which any given woman he has a passing interest in becomes like puddy in his hands.

The guy's a sex fiend (albeit not by City Hunter standards), but that quality carries positive connotations that don't extend to women. There is no female Bond equivalent, female characters are routinely chaste and notoriously, as even Return of the Living Dead demonstrates, and as Scream will confirm, blatant demonstrations of assertive sexuality almost always guarantee your DEATH.

To say that there is no double standard in a world that dichotomizes it's longest running fictional franchises with male characters who kill in their stories and female characters trying not to be killed in their stories is ridiculous.

That's the whole reason I like Action Girls, I'm sick of the seeing the same divisive tropes again and again. Women have testosterone too.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]

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Nothing good comes from staying with normal people


Goldfinger
Thriller / English / 1964

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I've never seen a pre-Brosnan James Bond movie.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

Kissing and Horses.

I think people who like this movie are either diehard Bond fans or find a highly specific appeal in Bond's seemingly arbitrary goofiness.

When this movie begins with jarringly bad speed ramping and Bond just generally sucking at putting up a fight, I was immediately put off. Bond sucks in every fistfight he gets into in this movie, and given the established fact that he needs all of his gadgets explained to him, supposedly every mission (because he has different ones in each movie, right?) it makes it seem as if his only purpose is to schmooze his way through enough pussy to see the Big Bad's master plan and merely be present for the climax.

He has a small handful of moments of cleverness and they honestly make up the best parts of the movie, but the rest feels boring, and at times absurd.

He lures a guard into his cell just by disappearing out of the extremely limited view of the window? That's weak.

Was I supposed to buy that an aerosol would drop all of those troops soundlessly and simultaneously the moment the plane flew overhead? That was weak too.

Bond is strapped to a table, about to have his penis lasered off, and he manages to spook Goldfinger into letting him go on the grounds that he has the name of the guy's pseudo-heist plan and only the conspicuously non-specific implication that he knows what it even is? That was incredibly weak.

Pussy Galore had a change of heart? SUPER WEAK. Jeez, after Dredd I think I'm going to name a new trope: Schindler's Twist. It's when a hardass gets a face-heel-turn and there's absolutely no ****ing warning of it or indication as to what could have possibly have convinced the character to switch sides.

Bond says something to the effect "appealing to her maternal instinct". What, after that "he kills little girls" comment which you just had thrown back in your face? And literally nothing else?

I don't think the women in this movie can act very well either, two of them are supposed to being grimacing in their respective scenes, but they seriously look like they're on the verge of laughing.

It's also really obvious where the movie's budget went too. The movie's early and outdoor composite shots were a sacrifice in favor of a huge and highly elaborate transforming Villain Lair.

And to top it all off, all of Sean Connery's charm can't save this:



Alright, spare me a soapbox moment and let me say one thing on the topic of feminism.

It's really stupid. NOWADAYS, it's really stupid, it scarcely has a legitimate place in the modern world, at least where first world countries are concerned. Elsewhere? A far more credible discussion.

In the vein of criticizing modern third-wave feminism though I've heard people argue that "no, there is no double standard for men when it comes to sex", asserting that men who **** a lot of women are no less denigrated as sluts than women who **** a lot of men.

If you don't already find that concept silly, then let me formally present to you my counter-argument: James Bond, an over 60-year-old franchise that remains a multi-million dollar product to this day, one of the biggest signatures of which being the single-file-line of various girls he beds with little more than a wink and a smile every single movie.

They're literally called "Bond Girls", their identities inextricably exist only to reflect well on him.

Men like him because he's a power fantasy character and this power fantasy character specifically satisfies a masculine ideal, one in which the ease with which any given woman he has a passing interest in becomes like puddy in his hands.

The guy's a sex fiend (albeit not by City Hunter standards), but that quality carries positive connotations that don't extend to women. There is no female Bond equivalent, female characters are routinely chaste and notoriously, as even Return of the Living Dead demonstrates, and as Scream will confirm, blatant demonstrations of assertive sexuality almost always guarantee your DEATH.

To say that there is no double standard in a world that dichotomizes it's longest running fictional franchises with male characters who kill in their stories and female characters trying not to be killed in their stories is ridiculous.

That's the whole reason I like Action Girls, I'm sick of the seeing the same divisive tropes again and again. Women have testosterone too.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]

Is it that you've only seen a few bond movie and they just happen to be Brosnan or is the Brosnan movies the bond movies you like (by previous statments I'm guessing the former, but I'm curious)?
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Why not just kill them? I'll do it! I'll run up to Paris - bam, bam, bam, bam. I'm back before week's end. We spend the treasure. How is this a bad plan?



Is it that you've only seen a few bond movie and they just happen to be Brosnan or is the Brosnan movies the bond movies you like (by previous statments I'm guessing the former, but I'm curious)?
I've seen only Brosnan and Craig Bond movies. I've spent far more time playing 007 video games than I've spent watching the movies, and Brosnan predominantly plays Bond in them.




Welcome to the human race...
You'd think [Return of the Living Dead would be something I love, but after two viewings it's still a
for me. Such a shame. At least the theme song and some of the effects are cool.

An interesting thing that got pointed out by Film Crit Hulk's four-part thesis on James Bond (which I do recommend checking out if you're interested in a nuanced analysis of how Bond movies do and don't work) is how Bond movies only tend to be as fundamentally strong as the Bond girls and that the best ones actually tend to have relatively well-developed female leads for Bond to go up against instead of the flat pieces of eye candy or even one-dimensional action girls (e.g. Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies or Carey Lowell in Licence to Kill) that lend the trope its worst definition. Despite its status as the quintessential Bond movie, Goldfinger also establishes many of the series' worst flaws in addition to its most iconic tropes (especially in how its women are quite disposable - two of the three most prominent female characters are killed off and the third...kind of gets raped by Bond? Given how much you were going to take the film to task for the notorious "man talk" scene, I'm surprised there wasn't more commentary on the way in which they treat Pussy Galore as a character (especially when she's implied to be a lesbian in that super-subtle 1960s kind of way, which only makes her encounter with Bond even more troubling).
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I really just want you all angry and confused the whole time.
Iro's Top 100 Movies v3.0



Nothing good comes from staying with normal people
You'd think [Return of the Living Dead would be something I love, but after two viewings it's still a
for me. Such a shame. At least the theme song and some of the effects are cool.

An interesting thing that got pointed out by Film Crit Hulk's four-part thesis on James Bond (which I do recommend checking out if you're interested in a nuanced analysis of how Bond movies do and don't work) is how Bond movies only tend to be as fundamentally strong as the Bond girls and that the best ones actually tend to have relatively well-developed female leads for Bond to go up against instead of the flat pieces of eye candy or even one-dimensional action girls (e.g. Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies or Carey Lowell in Licence to Kill) that lend the trope its worst definition. Despite its status as the quintessential Bond movie, Goldfinger also establishes many of the series' worst flaws in addition to its most iconic tropes (especially in how its women are quite disposable - two of the three most prominent female characters are killed off and the third...kind of gets raped by Bond? Given how much you were going to take the film to task for the notorious "man talk" scene, I'm surprised there wasn't more commentary on the way in which they treat Pussy Galore as a character (especially when she's implied to be a lesbian in that super-subtle 1960s kind of way, which only makes her encounter with Bond even more troubling).
That's my personal favourite at least.



An interesting thing that got pointed out by Film Crit Hulk's four-part thesis on James Bond (which I do recommend checking out if you're interested in a nuanced analysis of how Bond movies do and don't work) is how Bond movies only tend to be as fundamentally strong as the Bond girls and that the best ones actually tend to have relatively well-developed female leads for Bond to go up against instead of the flat pieces of eye candy or even one-dimensional action girls (e.g. Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies or Carey Lowell in Licence to Kill) that lend the trope its worst definition.
I hope you took my "Action Girls" comment merely in the spirit in which it was intended and not just the specifics.

Since starting this movie binge the female characters I've really gravitated towards are the likes of Mace and Deunan from Stranger Days and Appleseed respectively. They're not shoved off to the side of the story and their appeal comes not just from their relatively unique ability to kick ass on occasion, but also from their depth as characters, such as how they play off of their respective male counterpart protagonists' personalities.


Originally Posted by Iroquois
Despite its status as the quintessential Bond movie, Goldfinger also establishes many of the series' worst flaws in addition to its most iconic tropes (especially in how its women are quite disposable - two of the three most prominent female characters are killed off and the third...kind of gets raped by Bond? Given how much you were going to take the film to task for the notorious "man talk" scene, I'm surprised there wasn't more commentary on the way in which they treat Pussy Galore as a character (especially when she's implied to be a lesbian in that super-subtle 1960s kind of way, which only makes her encounter with Bond even more troubling).
I DID get that vibe when I was all "Why is she called Pussy Galore?" and then saw her all-female pilot crew.

But then what? She falls for Bond? Bond is so ******* manly that he can turn lesbians straight.

Frankly, I really didn't want to come across as "taking to task" the man talk scene. It's an unfortunate product of it's times that I was all too prepared for, and the one comment I really felt compelled to make was in response to some of the anti-feminism I've seen in the surf (not necessarily here on the boards). I feel a lot of it's well warranted, but I think people get caught up in their position and lose sight of things objectively.

Just because one person's position is untenable doesn't mean every single one of their arguments is untenable. I've seen people handwave the sexual promiscuity double standard like it's not a thing when it most certainly is. Not that there aren't double standards held against men or that discrimination doesn't go both ways, but this is certainly one that regresses women and it stings of reckless disregard for the truth to deny it's existence.



In particular, you hear a lot of talk about diversity in video games (Overwatch was raked over the coals and back until they added an overweight and butch character to their multiplayer roster) and while feminists tend to overreact to this, anti-feminists tend to underplay it, like it's not a thing.

I guess my little rant is indicative of some residual irritation I've had from listening to people who seem generally reasonable yet resort to knee-jerk obfuscation tactics like "oh no, such a shame that women are portrayed as attractive" and "I don't find that sexually objectifying because it doesn't turn me on", they're just evasions.