Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews

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The Fly warns us that when you think you're ready for something, you really might not be.
I loved this movie for one reason and one reason only...Jeff Goldblum. I think he is absolutely brilliant in this film and his performance alone makes this film worth checking out.

Hook him up with Sigourney Weaver as an autistic woman and then you'll REALLY have a movie to end all movies.
The sight of Craig Sheffer out of his clothes might be enough for me to check this one out.

The only Friday the 13th films i've seen are the first two and Takes Manhattan. Still another great review

I was actually thinking about watching the 6th one Jason Lives. A friend always says that is the best one and i've noticed recently that is a pretty common opinion. What do you think of it?

Really nice personal review of Hedwig . I love how long you spend talking about Ghost World .

Yeah, between MV explaining that it is not a traditional musical as in people bursting into song and your review i most likely will watch it. Don't let Vicky see this post though

Admittedly this was the main thing that kind of turned me off

got a botched sex changed that left him with a one inch mound of flesh (where his penis used to be)

And, fortunately, you never get to see that one inch mound of flesh.


Directed by Steve Barron
Released in 1993
Starring Dan Aykroyd as Beldar Conehead, Jane Curtin as Prymatt Conehead, Michelle Burke as Connie Conehead, Michael McKean as Gorman Seedling, David Spade as Eli Turnbull, Chris Farley as Ronnie, Jason Alexander as Larry Farber, Sinbad as Otto, Phil Hartman as Marlax, Jan Hooks as Gladys Johnson, Julia Sweeney as Principal, Ellen DeGeneres as Swim Coach, Michael Richards as Motel Clerk, Adam Sandler as Carmine, Drew Carey as Taxi Passenger, Tom Arnold as Golfer, Jon Lovitz as Dr. Rudolph, and Parker Posey and Joey Lauren Adams as Connie's friends Stephanie and Christina

Coneheads is a miracle. A miracle. It's hard to explain why. It just is. It was made so I could see it. I was born in this time period so I could experience Coneheads. If for no other reason, I'm here for Coneheads. Everything has been about Coneheads. It makes sense, even if you can't explain why. Like an absurd dream you awake from, feeling deeply moved by it, yet the dream made absolutely ZERO sense. If anyone wants to know what I am, deep down, at the very core of my being -- if you want to know what really makes me tick -- I direct you to the 1993 box office bomb, Coneheads. It is the nucleus of Sexy Celebrity. The brain within the brain. I don't know why, and I'm sorry it's taken me a long time to inform you of this, but I know this is official because I am writing it. It's like a schizophrenic delusion -- this feels like crazy rambling, but I'm guaranteed it's correct. Correct!

I'm familiar with the movie, yet, I hadn't really watched it in a few years, so I wasn't 100% familiar. I knew what happens, but, not vividly. Nothing was vague, but I don't know the film by heart. I should change that. I cannot be sure if I saw this film when it was released in theaters in 1993... I want to say I DIDN'T... but I'm not sure. I know I saw it a bunch of times in the '90s. I think I even used to have Coneheads collectors cups... which you got at Subway (Subway is featured in the movie). Cups you drink out of -- not, like, jockstrap cups or bra cups. Unless, of course, you drink out of those (some people do).

So, I really don't care about Coneheads when they were on Saturday Night Live, the TV show. Actually, Saturday Night Live is basically awful. I'm not 100% sure if it always was in the past... but it's never spoke to me. I recently saw a Saturday Night Live sketch that was new and I could not believe how horrendous it was. Humor is so dead in our culture right now.

But anyway -- forget Saturday Night Live -- let's get to the Coneheads movie, 'cause I don't wanna spend forever on this review. What do I say about this movie? Let me just get this out of the way -- the cameos are insane. Practically every Seinfeld cast member except Jerry and Elaine (okay, so really there's only two actors from Seinfeld, but that's practically all of them). Tom Arnold. Chris Farley and David Spade (though they're not cameos). Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres. Drew Carey. Adam Sandler. Sinbad. On and on and on.

Oh... what do I say about this movie? I'm so embarrassed. I feel naked. It's about aliens. They have big pointy heads. For some reason, they fly to Earth and crash land and end up trapped here, kinda like the show ALF, but bigger and much more hairless (on their head, at least -- I'll explain Dan Aykroyd's body hair later.)

They have to adapt because a rescue ship isn't coming to pick them up until their unborn daughter becomes a rebellious teenager. Beldar (Dan Aykroyd) gets a job fixing things, but he doesn't have a Social Security Number, and Sinbad, his boss, really needs it. Sinbad is disappointed when Beldar, in his strange voice, informs him that he's an illegal alien. So Sinbad takes Dan Aykroyd to Adam Sandler and they get him and Prymatt (Jane Curtin) fake IDs. But Immigration (David Spade and Michael McKean) realize they're using fake identities, so they come after them, and the Coneheads go on the run.

Prymatt Conehead gives birth (when her water breaks, it's like a tsunami erupts from her alien vagina - everything's flooded), and we see a montage of Beldar and Prymatt with little Connie Conehead as she grows up while Paul Simon's "Kodachrome" plays on the soundtrack. Then Connie's a teenager and she's on the swim team -- lesbian coach played by Ellen DeGeneres (well, okay, maybe the coach isn't a lesbian, but she probably is). Connie falls in love with a fat guy (Chris Farley) and she eats his Subway sandwich really fast. He's crazy about her. Beldar becomes a driving instructor. Slutty Jan Hooks takes his class over and over again just to be around him. Prymatt buys every magazine in the supermarket and learns how to be sexier with her husband. Oh, and Beldar likes to golf.

It's just a really, really weird movie.... and I don't even think it's actually a very good movie... or even a non-stop hilarious one... yet... there's a lot of little things about it that I find funny and memorable. I couldn't believe how loud I actually laughed at seeing Beldar chewing and blowing a condom bubble out of his mouth -- he chews a condom, thinking it's bubblegum, while inside Sinbad's car, as Sinbad drives and gives a "I can't believe this sh*t" look when the condom bubble blows out of Dan Aykroyd's mouth.

And my favorite character has gotta be Prymatt (Jane Curtin). I CANNOT imagine this movie working without her. Even if you think it DOESN'T work, I KNOW it works on my level just because of her. Jane Curtin, that is. Her comedy is... I guess.... mostly physical, mostly verbal.... I don't know, but she's just perfect as the Conehead wife. Dan Aykroyd is good, but Jane Curtin is why there's a Coneheads movie at all. I don't think it would have worked without her. They are perfect as an alien couple. And I must say -- I've seen a bunch of Dan Aykroyd movies, and MOST of them, where he is the lead star, are absolutely dreadful. This may be dreadful to many... but I think Coneheads has gotta be his best work. Forget Ghostbusters. Coneheads is Dan Aykroyd's best movie.

....... I think that's all I have to say. I just felt like writing a little review about Coneheads to get the word out about the movie. I guess I could go on and on about all the little odd things I like about it. Prymatt screaming at an eggplant in a supermarket. The way she walks into her daughter's bedroom, coming to comfort her as she lays upset on a bed, and she thoughtfully tells her, "You know, Connie.... I READ IN A MAGAZINE that you can talk to me about ANYTHING......" I love Prymatt. I want to TRANSITION into Prymatt Conehead. (!) Yes. I want to turn into a Conehead. I wouldn't mind sleeping with Dan Aykroyd every night in a bed you have to stand up in. He has a very nice hairy chest.

Do check out Coneheads sometime. You won't regret it. And if you do... HA HA.

I'm gonna be BOLD and give it

I like Jeff Goldblum. I'm ready to see him again in Independence Day: Resurgence. The other day, someone here told me they imagine me as Jeff Goldblum-like.
Have you seen Igby Goes Down? Goldblum only plays a supporting role, but it's a pretty great role, and a great movie.


Directed by Roland Emmerich
Released in 1996
Starring Bill Pullman as President Thomas J. Whitmore, Jeff Goldblum as David Levinson, Will Smith as Captain Steven Hiller, Margaret Colin as Constance Spano, Randy Quaid as Russell Casse, Vivica A. Fox as Jasmine Dubrow, Judd Hirsch as Julius Levinson, Robert Loggia as General William Grey, Brent Spiner as Dr. Okun, Mary McDonnell as First Lady Marilyn Whitmore, James Duval as Miguel, Harry Connick Jr. as Captain Jimmy Wilder, Mae Whitman as Patricia Whitmore, Kiersten Warren as Tiffany and Harvey Fierstein as Marty Gilbert

This is a review of the EXTENDED CUT, which runs at 154 minutes, vs. the Theatrical Cut's 145 minutes.

In my opinion, this is one of the best movies of all time. I remember after I first saw this -- I think it was the DAY IT CAME OUT in 1996 -- AT THE VERY FIRST SHOWING (it was, like, 11 AM) -- I came out of this movie thinking it was the best film I had ever seen. And after watching it again in HD on a big TV, I still feel like... it's one of the greatest films ever. I'm pretty sure it was left off the '90s Countdown, which is a gross mistake, and a big testament to why this website is total crap except for perhaps my presence being among you.

Independence Day is a spiritual experience. At least it is for me. Some of you aren't so spiritual. This movie seems like a tribute to Star Wars in a way, as well as Alien and other outer space movies. To me, this is MY Star Wars. You know how people have had spiritual experiences with the Star Wars movies? Well, Star Wars doesn't really impact me the way Independence Day can. Independence Day is my religious space movie.

In this movie, ordinary citizens of Planet Earth are confronted with a power greater than themselves -- and ultimately, they discover that they can be just as powerful. In case you know NOTHING about this movie... it's about alien ships (MASSIVE alien ships) that come to Earth. At first, nobody knows what their intentions are. Then, the truth -- probably the obvious truth -- is revealed: They're going to kill us all.

The first hour or so of the movie is the best -- everything that happens on July 2nd. That's when the alien ships arrive and everybody freaks out and we get to know the main characters and finally, they start blowing up things. Starting on July 3rd... the film does get weaker, I think. But not too weak. It just doesn't have the same impact and feeling as the first hour. Will Smith takes over and turns it into a comedy. I fear the lack of Will Smith in the upcoming sequel, Independence Day: Resurgence, might greatly lessen that film. His sort of over-the-top delivery of comedic lines shows a brute strength and ballsy bravery that carries along the rest of the film, which could have plummeted to boringness without him.

Creepy eyed Jeff Goldblum, displaying a sexy, muscled chest beneath a haphazard wife-beater and a thin, cute necklace wrapped around his neck like an emblem of a God, works very well as Will Smith's brainy, genius counterpart.

Leading the charge of celebrated masculinity in this motion picture has got to be the hunky Bill Pullman as President Whitmore, who seems to sort of be mirroring a better version of our own '90s prez, Bill Clinton. Note how they're both Bills.

Even Randy Quaid pulls in the punches as lovable drunken redneck mess Russell Casse, a former victim of alien abduction who now cropdusts for a living (though you never see any crop circles, for some reason).

On the female side of things, '70s Blaxploitation queen Pam Grier herself seems to be resurrected in the form of Vivica A. Fox, who plays Will Smith's single mom girlfriend, a tough survivor chick who also works as a sassy stripper. She finds herself in a Mad Max world after the aliens have destroyed her city, and she even leads a mission picking up stragglers and survivors of the carnage in an abandoned maintenance pick-up truck that she's taken control of. Now THIS is the woman who should have been Tom Hardy's partner in that bland-in-the-sand Mad Max: Fury Road.

She's FAR, far better than that robotic Sinead O'Connor that Charlize Theron portrayed.

There's really not much else to say. For some reason, I'm just not feeling like writing much about the film right now. I just came to tell you all that it's one of the best films ever made and you really need to take it more seriously if you don't. If you liked Mrs. Doubtfire, you'll like this movie, since somehow Harvey Fierstein (Mrs. Doubtfire's brother) and Lisa Jakub (Mrs. Doubtfire's daughter) found their way into this picture. Harvey Fierstein literally makes Independence Day at least 25% better just from his scenes alone, and there's more of him in the Extended Cut. Now about that Extended Cut -- I wasn't exactly sure which scenes were new, but I figured the ones that FELT new to me probably were, and there were a lot of moments like that. For the most part, I greatly enjoyed the Extended Cut more than the Theatrical Cut. It mostly runs seamlessly. There was one moment that I thought kinda felt off. But for the most part, it shows and tells you new things about the movie and I think it even gave it a new experience, so I would DEFINITELY check out the Extended Cut of Independence Day if you haven't already.

I guess that's all I have to say. I don't have to always be so funny all the time with my reviews, do I? I can't think of much to say. I haven't ate today. This is a SERIOUS movie. This is about the end of the world.

This is about how small we are in the grand scheme of things and how one day, everything we thought we knew could be totally changed. BRACE YOURSELVES. You never know when something MAJOR might come your way.

Best review I've read in awhile (though I don't read the insanely lengthy ones. It is a shame it missed the nineties countdown. I was more mad about that then Brave Little Toaster missing animation countdown and 80s list.

I am very worried about the sequel. I don't know if it will deliver. I just hope it's ok and doesn't make a joke out of the first one.

I'm gonna be BOLD and give it

Loved your review of this movie...I love this movie too...not a lot of talk about it on these unsung classic that doesn't get the attention it deserves.

The absolute claim to fame Independence Day has......the best preview ever!!! When that preview showed in the movie threaters, people were buzzing, and absolutely decided and dialed in that they would see it. Once the ray beam hit the White House, and it closes with "...and on Independence Day, we strike back" or something to that effect, fugedaboudit

I wasn't here for the 90's countdown, but I'm sure that Independence Day would have been high on my list. I watch it every year on July 4th, and it never gets tiresome or boring. It's one of those movies that always seems to be better than I remembered it, and I always remember it as being a great movie, so that's saying a lot.

I'm looking forward to the sequel, and it doesn't bother me even a little bit that Will Smith won't be in it.
If I answer a game thread correctly, just skip my turn and continue with the game.

Haven't read your review yet, i actually have your Coneheads review bookmarked to read since it is pretty long.

I will say Independence Day isn't very good at all. I'm glad it didn't make the 90's list and i'm still confused why it was mentioned as one of the should've made its so much, even Titanic which i like even less deserved to make it more than that.

I will say Independence Day isn't very good at all.
It's kinda
to me.
"Well, at least your intentions behind the UTTERLY DEVASTATING FAULTS IN YOUR LOGIC are good." - Captain Steel
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