My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Hi Movie Fans,

My newest post on my blog is about the cartoon The Clone Wars and my first post was about the Shia LaBeouf movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

I would really appreciate it if some of you could take a look.

-Val

Look up Valeriewriter on Wordpress. :)

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Can't you just copy and paste? If you are going to advertise, put a little work into it, jeez

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

I'm new, so they won't let me post a link until I have done a ton of posts. Sorry. :(

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Here is my Clone Wars review. :)

All of the amazing action and admirable charm that has become associated with the Star Wars films is still very much present in this fourth installment of the series, The Clone Wars.



A long time ago…



Since beginning in 1999 with Episode I-The Phantom Menace, George Lucas’ Star Wars series has been taking audiences (mostly boys) to a galaxy far away in space. Due to its popularity, two more movies followed: Episodes II and III. These were released in the theater. In 2004, three more movies followed but were sold only as a DVD box set and never shown in theaters.



But, Star Wars returns to the movie screens this summer with a cartoon version titled The Clone Wars (I apologize for not knowing which episode this movie is, but it never says.) This new movie brings back some Star Wars favorites like C3-PO, R2-D2 and OB-1, but also introduces new characters that fans are sure to love.



The whole movie is about a war between a robot army and the other army that dresses like robots. OB-1 and Anakin are Jeddi warriors who prefer the use of glowing swords and magic to ray guns. The Jeddi warriors are amazing fighters and can pretty much beat up anyone, but they use their magic for good. Well, most of them. There is one, an older man named Darth Sith, who uses his magic powers to control the army of robots.



As the story unfolds, we meet several of the new characters. First, there are the slug people who make you squirm, at first, but you grow to appreciate them. There are a lot of slugs in this movie, actually. One is a baby slug and one is an openly gay slug. The baby slug, called Stinky in the movie (I swear, I’m not being mean. That’s what they called him! LOL) is kidnapped by Darth Sith and his dad wants him back, so Anakin and R2-D2 and Padawan, a female Jeddi character (go girl!) do everything they can to rescue it. In exchange for finding Stinky, the dad says the Jeddi can come to his planet anytime they like.



Tons of amazing battles and amazing drawing make The Clone Wars a treat for almost everyone. Older people might not like it because it is on the loud side, but a lot of young people will like it. As for little kids…well, what’s to say? Little kids are gonna love this cartoon!



Who knows where this story will go in the next episode. Will the robots end up winning the war? Will there be any romantic developments between Anakin and Padawan? We will have to wait and see.



I have to congratulate George Lucas for being brave enough to have an openly gay character in his movie. Also, I think little girls will think Padawan is the coolest, toughest female ever to be put on film. She holds her own with the Jeddis and proves that it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl,…magic makes everyone equal.



I give The Clone Wars 4.5 out of 5 winks

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

God I hope your kidding...

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

More research needed obviously !

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

No, it's true. You have to post ten times before they let you put a link up. Lame, huh?

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Star Wars episode 1: The Phantom Menance was a requel to the first Star Wars movies that came out in the seventies and eighties.... Those were the "never released in theaters movies".... They were possibly the biggest franchise ever...


My suggestion, run before Holden Pike comes and pray to god he doesn't find you...

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Valerie, Lennon's comment wasn't questioning the posting rules, his eyebrows were raised at your sentence "Since beginning in 1999 with Episode I-The Phantom Menace, George Lucas’ Star Wars series has been taking audiences (mostly boys) to a galaxy far away in space. Due to its popularity, two more movies followed: Episodes II and III. These were released in the theater. In 2004, three more movies followed but were sold only as a DVD box set and never shown in theaters.

Ok you're obviously a youngster, but with a bit of research you'd know that the first Star Wars film was released in 1977, the episodes I to VI weren't made in order and were released from 1980 to 2005.

Have a look http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=star+wars&x=0&y=0

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Come on Lennon she's obviously very young, but really Valerie if you want to review films you've got to get your facts straight. As for your Indiana Jones review you can't say things like "This current movie was set in the past in the 1950’s. Usually, I am not always a fan of movies that take place in the past because I think that it’s hard for today’s audiences to care about it and relate to characters who dress like they’re going to a costume party. and expect film fans to read your reviews seriously given that so many films are set in the past. It's really not hard for today's audiences to care about films set in the past. if it's a good film then it'll succeed whenever it's set, and it's shortsighted to think otherwise.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

I'll go out on a limb...and pedict...they will have twins...I don't know...I just have a feeling that the twins will be a boy and a girl...I reckon the boy may even be called Luke Skyrunner...hmmm...maybe Luke Skywalker...I reckon his sister will be called Leia or something!

...I have a feeling I do...these Jeddis could be a big thing one day...keep an eye out... lol just messing Val...when I met my wife a few years ago she hadn't seen the original Star Wars Movies either and had no idea about the rich lore us geeks love so much...so I get where you're coming from...but this is a movie forum...come prepared...

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Actually, that's Padme. She's referring to "Padawan," because she seems to think that's Ahsoka's name, rather than her rank.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Valeriewriter, as you can see, we can mess with you a bit about what you wrote but don't worry about it. I think its great you want to write reviews, but as was said, just do a bit of research first.

And I have to say, regarding Christine's response to what you wrote about today's audiences not being used to films set in the past, I hope you'll rethink that. Because if you really analyze it, all your classic literature films (like Lord of the Rings, Pride and Prejudice) and epic films are usually based on the past. They have lots of costumes and today's audiences do respond.

You might be thinking that you don't like older films? And if that is the case, I hope you rethink that, too. I'm a teacher and I can tell you my students love Charlie Chaplin and they saw a clip from Some Like it Hot (made in 1959) and they laughed and loved it! I also showed some scenes from a 1962 film, To Kill a Mockingbird, and they loved that too. They see Hitchcock and respond. It's the story that people like, not the time in which it took place (even though for some of us that is part of the fun.)

:)

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Ahh...I haven't seen these new ones...and I plan on giving them a big, big miss...

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Great Clone Wars review.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Thanks!:) :) :) :) :)

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

:indifferent:

Funny, as I consider 1999 to be the year that Star Wars died. Star Wars started in 1977, with the original film, which was titled simply Star Wars. They added A New Hope to the title for episode IV sometime in the 80s, when Lucas decided he wanted to continue the series, and bring us the three prequel film that showed the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker.

That's right, the first film to get released was Episode IV, a new hope. I know, because I was there in the theater in 1977 watching it.

The Phantom Menace destroyed a sacred part of many people's past, and is, in my opinion, one of the worst films ever made.

Also, watch the original films to find out the concepts behind the force (energy sort of like the concept of chi in the east) that the Jedi's spend their lives to understand and harness. There is actually a lot of heavy philosophical subtext concerning the force, with concepts concerning trust, honesty, nobility, sacrifice, loss and taking the easy path rather than the hard in order to achieve gain. The force is certainly not just "magic", that's for sure.

Also, "Older people won't like it because it's on the loud side?"

You must be very, very young to make a silly assumption like that. I'm 36 and I still go to see bands like Black Sabbath and Megadeth.

Anyway - You have pretty decent composition skills for a youngster. Keep up the writing, and take criticism as constructive, as you clearly have potential to be a good writer someday.

The advice I would give is to thoroughly research all the material you write about, so that incorrect facts and assumptions don't mar your work, as in the review above. You will notice people calling you out on all the incorrect facts, because that stuff jumps off the page to people who know the real facts. Criticism may seem bad at first, but, it will help you improve the fastest. Take a look at Meatwadsprite's review thread. Look at the first review, then look at the most recent to see the large strides in both compositional skill and overall film perspective the kid has made. There is still room to improve, as with all of us, but, he has gotten better by orders of magnitude as time has worn on, and he has practiced and placed his work in the public discourse.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

First, This Isn't The First Instalment, It's The Seventh. These Are Prequels, There Were Three Movies Before This (I'm Puzzled How You Didn't Know This) And They Were Showed In Theaters. Also It's Not Spelled 'OB-1', It's Spelled 'Obi-Won Konobi'. Also There's Only One D In Jedi, And Those 'Glowing Swords' Are Called Lightsabers. And It's Called The Force, Not Magic Powers. How Does A Cartoon Make You Squirm? Also "Older People Might Not Like It Because It's Loud"? And If You Watch The Third Movie (Which Is Really The Sixth), It Shows You How It Ends, This One Takes Place Between The Second And Third Movie. And Seriously, A 4.5/5?

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Obi-Wan Kenobi. ;)

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

:rotfl: The reviews are graded in WINKS. Do you get it yet? :rotfl:

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

We got Punk'd.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Ashton's cute in a big brother sort of way.
Thanks for reading, guys! It means a lot to know people are reading my reviewing.

Val

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

I'm confused.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

No reason to be. Ashton had a show on MTV called Punk'd.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

That isn't what he is confused about...

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Sedai, I'm a "she" :)

Okay, valariewriter, I read your website more thorougly and now that I get your act, you're actually pretty funny. I loved the bit where you called the Indiana Jones movie the "Shia LeBeof" movie and how they were originally 1930s serials. I laughed. You're pretty good.

And that is not being sarcastic. I'm not. Funny website.

But I don't appreciate you coming here and making fools of us. That's what you did. I feel incredibly silly now that I talked to you like some mother/child or teacher/student (being both a mother and a teacher, it isn't a stretch for me to go there). But this was a game to you and while you certainly have some talent for writing funny bits, I don't really think it was that funny what you did in this thread.

I wish you luck in your future endeavors. And I know what punk'd means. :D

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Wait, You Mean The First Three Weren't Direct-To-DVD Movies Released In 2003? Hahaha, I'm Sorry Vale.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

I just posted one of the Dark Knight. if you want to check it out. :D

ADMIN EDIT: Link removed.. If you want to post reviews, fine, but promote your site some other way. We know what your schtick is.

I've had almost a thousand hits on that review, already and I just posted it. Sorry if that sounds like I'm bragging, but I am just so excited that so many people are reading me. :modest:

xo
Val

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Well I actually read her review (god save me,) and I have a few comments, spoilers below.



Nope, Batman can't fly and is just a normal dude who is just rich as $^&*

Actually, the film that brought Batman to the big screen for most people was simply titled BATMAN by Mr. Tim Burton. But if you want to go furthur back "Mayor" Adam West brought Batman to the big screen with BATMAN: The Movie.

BATMAN (1966)
BATMAN (1989)
BATMAN RETURNS (1992)
BATMAN FOREVER (1995)
BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
BATMAN BEGINS (2005)
THE DARK KNIGHT (2008)

The rest of BATMAN apperences that I didn't even bother posting

The Dark Knight actually starts off kind of cute with a group of clowns riding in a car.

Actually they aren't, they are breaking a window.

Doubtful that he is sad, since he killed them...

Actually he wants to stop because it is ruining his life as Bruce Wayne, and it was causing too much stress. It was never, fun


Thank you Captian obvious....

No, he doesn't spontaniously combust, he spills bomb making material that The Joker left, on himself, when the bomb explodes some of the shratinal gets him.


,

Captain Obvious strikes again.

Because they might have thought the other boat was going to kill them.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: You're funny!

Aka his bullet proof vest...

In case you didn't know, Heath died rather suddenly because he was a drug addict, he didn't know he was dyeing.

Damn, great eyes, because again, he wasn't sick...

Captain Obvious number three: The Return of the Revenge

Do I even need a joke for this one?

A couple things wrong with that

1) he was lyeing

2) Joker never says his scars heals and for his wife story, he never had scars before.

3) His wife's scar was carved by loan sharks (me thinks)

That's just my three cents.

He changes his voice so no one will recognize him in the film glad it worked for you.

2 things,

1) Just NO ROBIN

2) Chris Nolan (the director) gets to decide if and who plays Robin. As for LeBeouf, no.


Thank you and Good night.

To read the rest of the review

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Um, Lennon, you know she's joking right.

Unlike some others here, the only thing I find funny about her reviews is that they fooled so many "serious" movie critics here at movieforums. But you know, whatever, if she is having fun, that's good enough for me.

I'm undecided as to how much writing talent it requires from an adult to author reviews designed to look like 3rd grade work, but as testament to her ability are the numerous dumb-founded forum readers.

I think in part too many were too eager to correct Valerie's various non-facts, to realize just how obviously silly her reviews were. I mean c'mon she stated that episode 1 of Star Wars was released before episode 4 - no one on this planet thinks that.

Still Valerie, I would like to see a real review blessed with your own actual thoughts and opinions.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Hey Lennon, what's with that "Heath died rather suddenly because he was a drug addict."? Sounds like FOXNEWS BS.

I won't comment on, but I will mention the "dyeing" and "lyeing" bits.

Love ya, Big Guy. :cool:

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Well, personally, I would like to see more of the same kind of reviews that you have been writing, Valerie, because I think they are good and not bad and I think that The Dark Knight review was the funniest review you have reviewed so far and that it was a good review of a good movie. I think that you do already have the talent that a writer should have and I think that the captions on the pictures on the reviews that you have written are especially funny and I think your reviews are blessed with your own thoughts as they are in their present form.

Keep up the good work!

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

OH, you didn't just call me a FOXNEWS person.

You can burn a man's crops, steal his women, break his remote, even sleep with his mother, but you can NEVER call a man FOXNEW, not even Hitler deserved that treatment. ;)


And okay, I got Punk'd...

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Thanks, Swedish Chef. :D

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

I have been seen the dark knight movie completely but couldn't see Indiana Jones. looking for this movie...hoping i will see soon.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

lol so we got trolled...I'm actually glad...

Thank Jeebus no one is really that stupid!

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Ok i'll come clean - it's me guys.

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

I don't think so....

Re: My First Two Movie Reviews EVER
 

Lol, prove it Meat.