I think it's 3x as gritty as those movies, if not 5x.

It! The Terror From Beyond Space

Alright, let's just do the movie Dan O'Bannon ripped off for Alien and be done with it. Be done with It. ;)
That was supposed to be kind of a joke and then I just read that Dan O'Bannon "drew inspiration" from It for his script for Alien.
A team is sent to Mars to investigate the disappearance of the previous crew sent to Mars in this special-effects extravaganza!


Upon arrival it is determined that the sole survivor of the previous crew has murdered all 9 of his crew-mates to extend resources and live long enough for rescue. And he's telling a ridiculous story of a violent, unstoppable alien life-form as his defense. Surely, this preposterous tale should not even be considered. I mean, obviously when a lone man murders his crew, the aftermath looks like this:


Totally plausible. Alas, he is taken prisoner aboard the new mission vessel... although "taken prisoner" is basically just him walking around the ship talking to people. No hand-cuffs, no confinement to quarters, the guy just murdered 9 people, let's play chess with him, he's fine. (I'm not kidding, they literally play chess with the accused murderer while they roll their eyes at his explanation of murdering 9 people).
I don't think I'll be spoiling too much if I tell you that the guy in the rubber monster suit from the poster actually killed those 9 people and he's now hiding on the new ship headed back to Earth. Hiding until he starts killing the crew, that is.
I tell ya, this movie is a riot. Aside from playing chess with the murderer, this crew rigs a bunch of hand-grenades to a door - inside the spaceship that's months from Earth. They drop grenades down shafts willy-nilly at It. At one point, I am not making this up, they pull a bazooka on the thing. An actual, literal, Army-issue bazooka. Inside a space-ship. In space.
One thing that just had my jaw on the floor, and I get it but man how wildly different things were, the women of the crew (so progressive!) are doctors and scientists and shit... but are also along to serve coffee to the men. I mean, like, the men all sit around the table and discuss the situation and the scientist women pour them coffee. But before you get too worked up about it, don't worry, they're given more to do. They also make breakfast. And then later they save peoples' lives and treat acute leukemia with like medicine and shit.
Honestly, this movie's a hoot. Not sure if my favorite shot is of the crew-members walking down the side of the ship as it travels through space (actually pretty cool for an independent film from 1958) or if it’s the shot of the two crew-members lighting up cigarettes together. In space.
But I just couldn't get over how obviously Alien this movie is. Guy in a rubber monster-suit terrorizes crew of spaceship anyone?


And it occurred to me how much artistry can elevate a story. In the hands of... *looks up director's name*... Edward L. Cahn (holy shit this guy was the editor of The Man Who Laughs!), It! is an amusing low-budget creature-feature. In the hands of Ridley Scott (and company) Alien is something like a masterpiece of suspense and Horror. Even though they are basically the same movie.
This movie is only 68 minutes long so you can actually watch this instead of Alien if you want.

Interesting (and exciting!) catching up with the fantasy and science fiction being watched and discussed by Wooley and Torgo here. Quite a few films I've caught up with recently, or in the last few years. Trancers is called Future Cop over here. Europa Report - my rating was the same as Torgo's. Thought it was decent enough in a 'believable science-fiction' kind of way - grounded, but interesting. With The Head Hunter (and I think I'm the one that put Wooley off a bit) I found that there was an obvious connection between the film having a very low, bare budget and the amount of stuff 'unseen' in the film - I don't think that's bad, but I think films like Blair Witch do well making you not think of that, while with The Head Hunter it's forefront in our minds. For what it is, it's great and very atmospheric, but it got a low score from me. I think if I watched it again, I'd be watching from a different perspective and would probably like it more. Jabberwocky I thought worked really well when it was working, but half the time it wasn't. If that makes sense. I don't think Gilliam had completely found himself yet. There's much I like about it though.

Anyway, I'll be quietly following the Excite-o-rama - I'll throw in my favourite kind of fantasy image - that of mystery derelict spacecraft that have been abandoned for millions of years:

https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qi...b5b5bd370a9-lq

Nice one, gracias!

A favorite of my teen years. Funny, at the time the idea of shooting bazookas in a space capsule didn't strike me as implausible. :)


Cahn has some interesting titles on his resume, I intend to look into some of them.

https://i.imgur.com/ywRhPNF.jpg

WARNING: This review contains spoilers for the novel, which I've marked. Hopefully, those who haven't read it will still enjoy it.

One of my top comfort food movies, this is the fantasy movie I've watched the most times. I always watched it to the finish if I caught it while flipping channels in my youth and it was a frequent pick during movie time at school or day care. The hero is Bastian (Barrett Oliver), a young man who recently lost his mother and whose despondence has led him to play hooky and be targeted by bullies. After evading his tormenters on the way to school by hiding in an antique book shop, Bastian swipes the titular book, which the shop owner may have encouraged him to do despite wanting him to leave as soon as he arrived. Bastian makes it to school, hides in the attic, opens the book and becomes instantly absorbed in the story, which is about a magical land called Fantasia that is being gobbled up by an unseen force called the Nothing. The story's hero, Atreyu (Noah Hathaway), has been tasked with stopping the Nothing by scouring Fantasia for a cure to the empress's (Tami Stronach) illness. The more Bastian reads the book, the more he discovers he is also a character in it. I've read the book on which this movie is based since the last time I watched it and I was not only surprised to discover how different it is, but also that it doesn't cover all of it. While I very much enjoyed this rewatch, I understand why author Michael Ende had issues with this adaptation.

The faint motif that plays while Bastian stares at the ouroboros on the book's cover is all it took for me to get wrapped up in this story as much as he does. Klaus Doldinger's mystical and joyous score is a key to the movie's success, the highlight being Bastian's Happy Flight, which is on par with John Williams' themes from this era. The production design also holds up, with set pieces like the Swamp of Sadness and the road to the Southern Oracle retaining their adorable and atmospheric charms. Also, despite some not-so-great uses of green screen, the same could be said of the special effects, especially in the use of forced perspective. The scene where the Rock Biter almost rolls over his new friends still made me jump back as if I thought he'd roll over me as well and I still marvel at how tiny Engywook and Urgl look in comparison to Atreyu even though he is right next to them. I also have to praise the movie for something I always forget it's so good at: scaring the crap out of me. The Nothing and its power to not only destroy, but also make entire landscapes - as the Rock Biter describes - disappear takes my mind to dark places. There's also G'Mork, who I'm pretty sure introduced me to the concept of fear in general or at least made me realize how all-consuming the emotion can be. I don't know if it's his glowing green eyes or the sensation that he could leap out at the screen at any moment, but he's still the scariest creature I've seen in a movie.

Does the movie retain what the source novel is about despite only covering the first half? Well, it's not off the mark to say that the movie's ending is like if The Twilight Zone episode "Time Enough at Last" ended after or if Bruce Almighty ended after In other words, it leaves out For the ways the movie explores the appeal of fantasy, the importance of having hopes, dreams and fantasies and for being so darn fun and charming, I still think it's a great movie. I still think it could have been a bit truer to its source without being, umm...neverending.

My rating: 4 Auryns out of 5

My guy (or gal): The Rock Biter. He's clumsy and a (dangerously) messy eater, but he's always willing to give a big strong hand to his friends.

Awesome. There was no chance we were getting through this without one of us doing this movie. And since I'm planning to get darker and darker as the month goes on, I'm really glad it was your. Great write-up too.

Thanks. Even if you've seen the movie several times, you should read the book, which is one of the best I've read.

To get an idea of how different the book is without spoiling it, this is what Atreyu looks like in it:

https://i.imgur.com/xP4y0g7.jpg

There's barely any fan art of Bastian, but he is sadder and more out of shape than he is in the movie:

https://i.imgur.com/u1FmK3t.jpg

I've read the book and seen the film, which is a childhood favorite even if it made me cry and made me scared at points.

The sequel (which is inferior but not without moments) covers some of the stuff from the book that wasn't covered in the first film.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

I always forget there was a sequel. This thread is making my watchlist grow to an unmanageable size.

I believe there is also a third film, which I never watched.

The sequel is the source of an in-joke between me and my sister. There's a (very silly) scene where Bastion has to climb a sheer rock face or tower or something. Part of the plot is that every time he makes a wish, he gives up a memory.

Instead of wishing for a ladder or generally for handholds, he wishes for handholds one at a time, crying out "And another! And another! And another!" as he makes his way up. So anyway, if ever my sister and I are like, serving each other food or whatever, it's not uncommon to go "And another! And another!".

I also owned the Neverending Story computer game. It was the most frustrating game experience of my childhood, no contest. I never even made it past the first part of the first level. Many, many years later I would learn that it was notoriously unplayable.

https://external-content.duckduckgo....jpg&f=1&nofb=1

Land of Doom, 1986

In a dystopian future, people have been scattered by a plague and violent gangs now prowl the land, pillaging anyone unfortunate to land on their radar. Harmony (Deborah Rennard) operates as a lone wolf, doing what it takes to stay out of the line of fire. But when she stumbles across the injured Anderson (Garrick Dowhen), he ropes her into a plan to take out the sadistic leader (Daniel Radell) of the most menacing gang.

You know the conventional wisdom: "Starve a fever, Land of Doom a cold."

With assurances from the previous review that this wouldn't be too intense, I decided to venture into the world of asymmetrical masks, ill-fitting leather gear, and impractical motorcycle decorations.

For the most part, I found this film to be pretty endearing. Like, the okay parts are okay and the stupid parts are stupid in a way that you can laugh at as opposed to being boring or offensive or upsetting.

Maybe what stood out to me the most in this film was the gender reversal of the "humanizing" trope. There are a TON of movies out there where a solitary male character ends up as the protector of a woman (or a child) who slowly lights a fire of caring in the gruff killer. In this film, that's flipped around. Anderson, injured and alone in a cave, is the one who ends up needing Harmony's help to make it across the desert. And Harmony is the one whose idea of good practice is to shoot first and ask questions later. I loved Anderson going "Harmony, no!", like she's a misbehaving puppy when she wants to kill a man who is a threat to them. As the film goes on (and Anderson inexplicably gets healthier and healthier), the two become more equal. By the end, they have formed a genuine partnership.

Actually, the development of the relationship between Harmony and Anderson was one of my favorite things here. Partly because Anderson is such a well-meaning guy, but also kind of a goober. There's a repeated joke about people seeing the two of them and deferring to Anderson, asking "Is she your woman?". The second time this happens--remembering Harmony's reaction to the first time it was asked---Anderson quickly jumps in with "We're just friends!" before Harmony can smash the guy with a rock. At the same time, Anderson's sense that Harmony should just, like, get over her aversion to men is kind of funny. At one point she bluntly is like "Well, every man I've ever met has either tried to kill me or rape me," and Anderson is like "Right, but I didn't do either of those things!". LOL. Hey, Anderson, it's almost like her deep-seated trauma isn't about you.

I'll also admit that I thought it was kind of sweet toward the end when they have been taken captive, they have a little heart to heart. It ends with Harmony wordlessly just extending her pinky finger toward Anderson and I thought it was a nice little touch. I'm going to agree with Wooley that she's the most interesting and most developed character in the film. I thought that her arc gave the movie more heft than it necessarily deserves.

However, if a riff-centric viewing is more your speed, yes, there is plenty to mock here. The outfits. The voices. Every non-main character sounds like a cartoon. I also had to laugh every time we got a shot from behind Harmony. I have to imagine at some point there was a conversation that went like this:
DIRECTOR: So we'd like you to wear this leather bikini bottom.
RENNARD: Okay.
DIRECTOR: You don't . . . have any problem with that?
RENNARD: Nope.
*ON THE FIRST DAY OF SHOOTING*
DIRECTOR: I see you're wearing the bikini bottom.
RENNARD: Yep!
DIRECTOR: . . . . over the top of a pair of cargo pants.
RENNARD: Yep!
DIRECTOR: But only over the butt part of the pants?
RENNARD: Yep!

Once the film gets into the final action showdown, I did lose quite a bit of interest. The best parts are when Harmony and Anderson are journeying across the desert, being lightly grumpy with each other. The villain just isn't interesting enough to add charge to a final showdown, and it all feels much less personal. Big explosions just don't hold a candle to Harmony gently beating a rapist to death with a large rock.

Like, oh my goodness, would I watch this movie again? I think I would.

I am thrilled that you dropped this here!
But you are not allowed to do better write-ups of movies I've already written up. This should go without saying.
Try to dumb it down a little.
*points pinky at Tak*

Blonde cargo pants smash rapist with rock.

Make Takoma smile.

That's more like it.

Here's a hint for my next entry: it's Italian and I'm not sure if anyone has seen it.

https://i.imgur.com/VYuFZ08.jpg

The 10th Victim -

To paraphrase Otacon from Metal Gear Solid, can love bloom in a sci-fi movie? The 10th Victim is a stylish and funny offering from Italy will certainly make you wonder. One part Prizzi's Honor, one part The Purge, it takes place in a future that ended war by instituting the Big Hunt, a program in which a supercomputer matches random participants, with one assigned as the hunter and the other the victim. It results in a world where it’s not uncommon to see multiple bystanders chase after each other, with one firing a revolver at the other, on any given day. The latest hunt pairs two veterans, Marcello Poletti and Caroline Meredith, who happen to be played by two of the best-looking people in the world at that time: Marcello Mastroianni and Ursula Andress. The odds are in favor of Caroline, who is so celebrated that she has corporate sponsorship and a TV crew in tow that will film her victory. As per the title, it will be the tenth, which promises a major reward. Her ambitions get complicated when the pair falls for each other, which stokes a fear in Marcello that's even scarier to him than death: marriage.

Lovers of retrofuturism should stop what they're doing and watch this now. Every frame looks like what you would expect the typical MoMA exhibit would look like in the '60s... well, that, and Austin Powers, which took inspiration from this movie. Not to spoil it too much, but if you've ever wondered how Mike Meyers came up with the fembots, look no further. When I wasn't taking in the movie’s production design, I was either laughing or raising an eyebrow at its over-the-top and ridiculous moments of which there are many. There is a vibe that the movie is aware of how ridiculous it is, and even though I'm not the biggest fan of self-awareness, I make an exception for the fun and clever way this movie does it. Having legends like Mastroianni and Andress and who have dynamite chemistry certainly helps, especially since the former is essentially lampooning his playboy character from La Dolce Vita. The uncertainty as to whether Marcello and Caroline are after each other’s affections or victory in the Big Hunt stays compelling until the end and the lengths they take to outsmart each other wouldn't be out of place in the best Wile E. Coyote cartoons. What's more, that television networks and corporations are interested in the outcome regardless of the real lives at stake is scarily prescient.

I've compared this to two other movies, but if it owes a debt to one movie in particular, it’s La Dolce Vita and not just because of Mastroianni's character. It wouldn't be far off to call this movie a futuristic, sillier and, well, shorter version of that classic. After all, my main takeaways from it - besides whether a program like the Big Hunt would actually deter war, that is - are how it associates marriage and settling down with death as well as what it says about Italy's unusual attitude towards marriage at the time. If this movie's unique dystopian sci-fi tale and retrofuturism aesthetics don't win you over, its comedy surely will. Regardless of whether more or fewer wars are in our future, let's just hope that a parking violation will never have a stiffer penalty than murder (you'll see what I mean and hopefully thank me later).

My rating: 4 cups of Ming Tea out of 5

My guy (or gal): Lawyer Rossi (Massimo Serato), Marcello's dutiful assistant.

The 10th Victim has been on my watchlist for ages, but I have yet to check it out. Images from it pop up quite frequently in "guess that image" type stuff.

I’m a big fan of A Quiet Place in the Country from the same director.

Someone recommended this to me all the way back on RT, but it never seems to be on any streaming services.

It seems like decent copies on YouTube come and go. I need to get on that.

Might have been me lol

I think it was.

You know what, I'm pretty sure it was in crumbsroom's game on Corrierino now that I think about it. I think I was inspired to see it thanks to this here forum, with it being someone's one-pointer in the foreign films top 100 list. A worthwhile way to start those lists indeed.

Franco Nero as an artist who loses his sanity? Sold.

"Doctor, he thought he was Space Jesus. Now he thinks he's a ninja!"

Well, we're at the halfway point. I've got a couple more weeks' worth of writeups, and you may have heard or even seen a few of them! :D

It was.

Promises, promises.

I was just searching my stash of October pics and realized this one probably belongs here instead.

(this is a vintage iron-on design)

You're a genius. Love it.

The Hobbit

As someone who has read The Hobbit many times, this Rankin/Bass adaptation is thoroughly enjoyable... and far better, in just an hour and seventeen minutes, than all the nonsense and CGI Jackson cobbled together over nearly EIGHT hours for his abomination of a "Hobbit Trilogy" - and even more in an even less necessary Extended Version.
I won't rehash the story here because I think everyone knows it but a wizard and a group of dwarves recruit a quiet-lived, satisfied Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins to join them on an adventure to their homeland where their ancestral mountain is guarded by the terrible dragon, Smaug. Along the way, they will encounter many dangers and will often be saved by the peaceful Hobbit who is learning a courage he never knew he had.
I thought, again as a fan of the Tolkien’s book, that this script was a nice, tight adaptation that somehow conveys most of the plot of the book (with a mall exception in the Battle Of Five Armies) in just the 77-minute run-time while not missing out on the personal growth of Bilbo and the discovery of his personal courage. And even throwing in a subtle commentary on the futility and stupidity of war.
Richard Boone’s Smaug is excellent. Growly and world-weary but also muscular and menacing. While the lone bright spot in Jackson’s second Hobbit film was Cumberbatch’s Smaug, Boone is fantastic and, really Cumberbatch’s take sounds like he’d watched this film and took notes from Boone.
He doesn't look half bad, either.


Very effective.
I also found Orson Bean’s Bilbo to be quite good, John Huston's Gandalf is on-point, and I even liked Otto Preminger (seriously) as the king of the Wood-elves. But the show-stealer may be comedian/actor Brother Theodore’s Gollum, who is absolutely aces.


For this material specifically (not necessarily in LotR) I honestly prefer this to Serkis’ admittedly historic and game-changing performance.
The animation is fine to good (though i am no expert on this), it was done by Topcraft which did Nausicaa and would split and form Studio Ghibli. The music, in general is good, at times actually pretty great and then at others a little cheesy and of-the-time as they seemed to try to merge the sound of 70s folk and whatever Hobbit Life might sound like.
In general, I found all this very enjoyable and worthy of the short run-time for sure. The Battle Of The Five Armies isn't given all that much focus but I think for the pacing of the movie it all works out fairly well. I would refute the reputation this film has as not being any good, I think that's balderdash. It's perfectly enjoyable. And Jackson and his bloat and bad FX can suck it.

The Hobbit is a favorite from childhood and my introduction to Tolkien. (Star Wars and Tolkien in the same year. 1977 was good to lil' Cap.) Within a few years I was reading my dad's copies of the novels and had Hobbit calendars on my wall. And notebooks full of drawings.

When I revisited it years later as an animation buff, I was thrilled to find that it's a gorgeous thing to look at. Who wouldn't want to live here?



And what especially impressed me is the fact that it really doesn't look like anything else. The character designs and backgrounds don't really match the Disney look of the era which pretty much dominated everything. And although the work was done in Asia it doesn't have the standard anime look either. Doesn't even look like The Last Unicorn which was also a Rankin/Bass film.

So I just wanted to call attention to that but yeah, I agree with your review. Good voice work and a nice and tight distillation of the novel, perfect for youngsters like me.

https://youtu.be/vn9xV6_yyG0

This conversation has reminded me that I don't think I've ever seen Flight of Dragons.
I WAS 11, MOM, WHY DIDN'T I SEE FLIGHT OF DRAGONS?

Anybody seen it?

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

I was unaware that Bakshi's The Hobbit wasn't considered very good. I could have sworn it was a staple as I was growing up. Granted, based on things I watched growing up, you'd never think The Black Cauldron tanked.

For some reason, it wasn't even until I was a teenager I was aware there was even a Bakshi version of Return of the King (or was it the full Lord of the Rings?). I only ever caught the ending of that one on TV (and was how I found out about it).
I can only speculate as to why, since I never saw the movie and can't attest to its quality (if it was the entire thing in 90 minutes to 2 hours, that would be a problem).

In other fantasy news (or possibly horror news). I've been hearing word that The Northman turned a profit, and may have actually done quite well, thanks to the VOD numbers. I may be well behind the curve on hearing that one.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

I have not seen Flight of Dragons.

Hobbit and Return of the King were Rankin/Bass productions. Lord of the Rings (78) was the Bakshi film. Bakshi ran out of money, so was only able to cover the Fellowship/Two Towers with his film. Return of the King was meant to continue the story. Doesn't quite hold together if you watch them back-to-back, but I still have a fondness for all three.

I loved the 1967 Movie Camelot. I took a girl to see that on one of my very first dates. The three principals, Richard Harris (RIP), Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero were perfect in their roles. Franco Nero and Vanessa Redgrave met during filming and started a long-term relationship -- and still together today. But I just learned today that Franco Nero did not do his own singing -- it was dubbed by Gene Merlino.

It's not Bakshi's Hobbit. It's Rankin/Bass. Bakshi did LotR after this.
Yeah, most of my life people have shit on the animated Hobbit movie, including a close friend of mine last night when I told him I had watched it. I asked him how many years it had been since he'd seen it and he said "at least 30", so I said, "then how do you know?"

See, here's a guy who gets it.

I never had any problem with it. Frankly, it mesmerized me in the theater with the rotoscoped Nazgul, practically scared the hell out of me.

Good call on The Hobbit. I've always been a Tolkien head, but I really was in my early teens, having watched my VHS copy repeatedly. I also think "The Greatest Adventure" is up there with "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "Pure Imagination" as one of the best movie songs.

I'll just say that my next entry complements this one very well (in fact, someone already mentioned it).

I wish I'd kept this. :(

Wild, bro. I had it.

A friend of mine is a huge Tolkien-head. He's been collecting the calendars for about 40+ years. I'm sure he has this one.

https://i.imgur.com/jQTvq57.jpg

The Black Cauldron -

Disney's attempt at jumping on the fantasy bandwagon of the early '80s was dangerously unsuccessful - dangerous because it risked the future of the animation department - and as a result, it didn't make it to video until many years later. Whether via reappreciation or good luck, the company saw fit to add it to Disney+, which is good news to this big fan. The hero is Taran, an assistant pig farmer who dreams of becoming a warrior and taking on the Horned King, our scary and scary-looking villain who seeks the titular cauldron that has been lost for ages. It has the power to reanimate armies of dead soldiers, which he can bend to his will so he can rule the world. Taran gets his chance when Hen Wen, his favorite pig whose gift of clairvoyance lets him locate the cauldron, is captured by the Horned King's servants.

Disney must have put their best animators on this project because it's one of their best-looking animated movies. The backgrounds are so full of detail and atmosphere that I'd pore through an "art of" book of this movie if one existed, the highlight being the Horned King's dank and labyrinthine castle. The character work is on par with it, and not to keep bringing him up - the fuzzy old man look of the roguish Gurgi and hapless bard Fflewddur are highlights - but with his shroud and well...lack of skin, the Horned King is the stuff of nightmares. Speaking of, besides the look and feel, my favorite thing about the movie is its willingness to frighten. It gives the movie stakes and lets the exciting moments and ones with impending doom deliver welcome doses of adrenalin. While this could explain why the movie underperformed, i.e., parents thinking it's too frightening for their kids, it's a vibe that's a far cry from the weightlessness and lack of stakes found in the studio's recent output.

This movie ends up being a very enjoyable fantasy adventure that may not doing anything novel with its hero's journey tropes, but it makes up for it with its frights, artwork and simply how much fun it is. I also admire its message that's valuable to child and adult alike that sometimes, the best thing to do is make a sacrifice, even if it's something for which you've hoped and dreamed. Having a cool flaming sword that cuts through metal is nice and all, but it's not much use if you have no friends or family to defend. If I have any gripes with the movie, it's that it's always on the go. Disney likely made it this way to accommodate children’s' attention spans, but I wish our heroes could have stopped and smelled the roses more often, especially in the more atmospheric locations. I still think it's a movie Disney should hold its head up about and that they'll hopefully never sweep under the rug.

My rating: 4 purloined apples out of 5

My guy (or gal): Gurgi, a companion who's worth keeping around even if he might steal your stuff or eat your food every now and then.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

I think The Black Cauldron was the first movie I was allowed to see by myself in the theater. Maybe 7 at the time? And my only real memory of it was shrinking down in my seat, trying to hide from something on screen. I think an army of the dead. I maybe have even snuck off to the bathroom, unable to cope with it.


So, good stuff.

I can relate. Nightmare fuel and the child me didn't mix. The scene in The Wizard of Oz where the witch's legs curl under the house and the "death for the dead" scene in Beetlejuice really got to me. The scene I really shouldn't have seen as a kid was the one in Blade Runner where which frightened me so much I threw up. It could explain why I didn't give horror a chance until well into adulthood.

My understanding is the book was very anti-war, so the main message of the movie at the end is basically one of the remnants of the book that subverts the standard hero-journey's adventure. It's not much, but hey, it's something I'd show kids - or suggest to others who have kids to show them.


These days, it's funny, I hear about the "Disney death", an over-used trope to have characters reveal how they feel about other characters because they think they're dead, only to have the dead character reveal they're still alive. And I just think, "that's not how I remember it going exactly in The Black Cauldron." Seemed a bit more earned in that movie.

Agreed. :up:

No such book exists from what I can tell.
However, I found this blog and this one, which both have decent collections of concept art.

https://i.imgur.com/USJQGSv.jpg

Wow, this is the first movie Tim Burton worked on? I did not know that.

HUGE fan of the Prydain stories when I was 8-10 or so.


As if I wasn't gonna read the hell out of this.


My third grade friend and I used to "play" it at recess. I think he was always Taran.
Unfortunately by the time the film came out I was 14-15 and had sort of moved on. Pretty sure I saw it in the theater but it wasn't a big event in my life at the time. But, like the Hobbit, returning to it as an adult made me appreciate it more, mostly because of the eye candy that Torgo mentioned. They didn't quite capture the feel of the books, imo, and I'd like to see someone take another stab (heh) at the series but yeah, I'm a fan now.

oooh some good stuff there. Some of it by Mike Ploog, Marvel's monster guy! (Ghost Rider/Man-Thing/Werewolf by Night/etc)

This seems like a fact that I'd known and subsequently forgotten. Obviously Disney wasn't going to use such idiosyncratic designs as his, but I wish they hadn't gone with such a tried-and-true look for Taran and Eilonwy. Something in between would've been nice.

Same.

Well.
That was some crazy-ass shit.
One thing I've learned watching all these turn-of-the-century short films from the early days of the medium is that if they were going to go through all the trouble to make one of these things, they were gonna make it pretty fantastical. It's a real education to learn how much of early filmmaking was Fantasy, Science-fiction, and Horror, and just how fantastical and phantasmagoric these films are.
In this case, we have Georges Melies and co., portraying a group of scientists who wear wizard hats and gowns, deciding that they can actually go to the moon by being shot out of a very large cannon. There is much fanfare and they are fired off on their celestial path. Upon landing, they note the sometimes-hostile, sometimes-psychedelic environment...


... before being accosted by a Moon-person, hopping around and scooching on its ass toward them. Their response to this, like all Colonizers, is to perceive this as a threat and kill him instantly. With an umbrella.
More Moon-people attack and they are taken captive and brought to the Moon King. I won't spoil the ending but they're White European Colonizers so you can pretty much rest assured that genocide ensues. Per sources I've read, this was intentional social commentary by Melies. But I'd also believe that that was just the normal world-view at that time.
Honestly, this is such a bizarre film, so far beyond what I expected (though it was tempered a bit by having watched several of Melies' short-films over the last few years), and when I made my captive audience watch it the other night, even they commented how much further "out there" this was than anything they expected to see from that era. They actually enjoyed it quite a bit.
It is worth mentioning that the version on HBOMax, the one I watched, is both the color-tinted version and the version with a crazy-ass soundtrack including glockenspiels and sythesizers and it really adds to how nuts the proceedings seem. Given that the film has no original score or sound of any kind and it was up to the exhibitor to provide what they could or would, I think that all soundtracks are valid and therefore this one totally is.
I highly recommend this at 12 minutes.

If you want to just watch it on YouTube, this is probably the best version but it lacks a crazy-ass glockenspiel and synthesizer soundtrack:

This is the copy I had and you can imagine how into THAT shit I was. Look at that guy.

I fully support listening to contemporary soundtracks for silent films (I've had this experience with Buster Keaton shorts and a couple of Lon Chaney Sr silent movies).


I... actually don't know if I've seen A Trip to the Moon. Maybe I haven't, given how I don't know the plot and only seem to call to mind the iconic image.


As for color tinting, IDK about that one in particular, but color tinting was a process in the silent era. It'd just be the entire frame and it'd be one color, but they'd change colors between scenes for mood. The Phantom Carriage is a known example of that. I believe they mixed the color tint in with the film material itself, but I'm much less sure on that part these days.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

A Trip to the Moon is great and you should check out as many of Melies' shorts as you can, Wooley. I haven't seen anything which tops this one, but it's always fun seeing the creativity and artistry on display in them.

Also, is this the first time you've seen it?

If I recall, they had to cut some even more disturbing shit out of that film after test audiences had kids running out the theater crying. Something along the lines of flesh melting off of bones...

In the case of this film each frame was hand-colored and they used a LOT of colors in each frame.
"...these prints were hand-colored by Élisabeth and Berthe Thuillier's coloring lab in Paris. The Thuilliers led a studio of two hundred women, painting directly on film stock with brushes in carefully chosen colors. Each worker was assigned a specific color to apply to a frame of film in assembly line style, with more than twenty colors sometimes used for a single film.".

Looks like this was my sixth or seventh of Melies' films at this point.
It is the first (and second) time I've seen it. Like many people, I was aware of it, knew the iconic image, and had even seen clips from it before but just decided to finally watch the whole thing. Especially since I have enjoyed all his other short-films that HBOMax has (most recently I watched The Four Troublesome Heads).

They should have kept it in.


The reason Cauldron (as well as Neverending Story and Dark Crystal) were such revelations at the time was they didnt pull their punches simply because their target audience was children. Of course some children can't take these sorts of things, and their is nothing wrong for parents to know before hand what they are getting into, but as a child who wanted my limits tested, it was nice that a couple of early 80s films provided the goods.


In fact, I found moments in those kids films more distressing than most of the horror films I watched at the time. And I was already watching all of them by the time I was 7. Even the ones I (maybe) shouldn't have been

https://i.imgur.com/DTCxA3p.jpg

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone -

Produced by Ivan Reitman? Score by Elmer Bernstein? Ernie Hudson in a supporting role? Is this Ghostbusters? Nope, Chuck Testa...just kidding, it's Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, one of the many sci-fi movies of its era that took cues from Star Wars and The Road Warrior. Our hero, Wolff (Peter Strauss), is very much cut from Han Solo's cloth, i.e., a bounty hunter who only takes orders from one guy: himself. His latest job is to rescue three lovely ladies who crash landed on a planet not far removed from post-apocalyptic Australia and who become captives of Overdog (Michael Ironside), a former "Earther," as the movie calls them, who pulled a Colonel Kurtz. Assisting Wolff - whether he wants her to or not - is local tracker Nikki (Molly Ringwald), who might as well be Chewbacca for how unintelligible her "space speak" is half the time.

The most distinguishing feature of the Road Warrior aesthetic is to have a bunch of rusty techno-junk lying around, which this movie goes all in on in an impressive way. Besides making the planet seem like an even more hellish Tatooine, and except for the odd matte background here and there - all of which aren't half bad - it gives the movie a pleasantly tactile quality. Is Peter Strauss' Wolff on par with Ford's Solo? No (but who is), but I approve of how he winks at the camera each time he delivers one of his surly one-liners. Hudson and Ringwald are also welcome sights, especially because it's interesting to see what kind of work they did before they became icons. While Nikki is annoying at times, especially when she overdoes on the "space speak," the way she plays off Strauss's tough guy makes it easier to swallow. The MVP, though, is Ironside, whose over-the-top getup - think lovechild of a Spacing Guild member in David Lynch's Dune and a toy crane arcade game - and what he wants to do with his new prisoners makes him loathsome and hilarious in equal measure. As for the action, it's surprisingly decent, the highlight being Overdog's "games," which are what would happen if Thunderdome hosted American Ninja Warrior.

Despite what I like about this movie, the end result reminds me of something Mike says in Better Call Saul: "I was hired to do a job. I did it. That's as far as it goes." In other words, it pretty much does what it sets out to do: no more, no less. With that said, it does have tasty food for thought about characters like Wolff, Han Solo, etc. and how in spite of their pride, they need others - especially ones they don't see eye to eye with like Nikki - to get their jobs done. With that said, The '80s have their fair share of movies inspired by the work of guys named George from Lucas to Miller, and understandably so since they changed the face of entertainment. While this one is not the best, you could do much worse, and it’s ideal to watch with pals since there’s plenty of opportunities for riffing.

My rating: 3 oversized hand claws out of 5

My guy (or gal): Washington (Ernie Hudson), who gives Wolff a helping hand in his mission despite their history and not particularly liking him.

I feel like I need to check this out because something about that poster is triggering memories.

I think I like this a little more than you even though I would have written a nearly identical review. For some reason this one stands out a little to me compared to the ocean of post-Star-Wars-post-Mad-Max movies. Everything you say about how the production for a B-movie works well here is on-point and I liked Wolff a good deal. I actually liked Ringwald too, to my surprise. I think I would go with a scaled (to post-RW-apocalyptic-B-movie-level) 3.5 oversized hand claws.

I think I'd rate it higher if I saw it with company rather than just by myself. Like I wrote at the end, it seems like the kind of movie that's best enjoyed when you can riff on it with other people.

Speaking of post-Star-Wars-post-Mad-Max movies, have you or has anyone else seen Metalstorm: The Destruction Of Jared-Syn? Is it worth seeking out? Looks like it's not on any streaming or rental services. Not even Tubi has it. Maybe it's for good reason?

The title is certainly a memorable one so I kinda thought I might have but after browsing some images just now, I'd say I haven't seen it. Nothing was familiar.

I mean a LOT of it was familiar, but from other movies, if you know what I mean. :)

Yes, I saw Metalstorm many times and had planned to view it for this thread. It was in one of my queues but I see you're right, in no longer is. I believe it was on Prime until about two months ago.

I loved that claw-hand situation and was always trying to do something like that with gloves and plastic parts and shit and I really feel like Metalstorm took the whole genre to its most extreme. Which is not necessarily to say that it was any good, but it definitely made use of imagination.

Alphaville

Pourquoi/Parce que

Well, I hardly even know where to begin with this. I'll try to keep it brief, but I doubt I will.
I chose this movie, not because of Godard's recent death, but essentially randomly. I was scrolling through my queues, saw its thumbnail, and thought, "it would be nice to throw a Sci-fi Art Film into the mix and you've never seen it", so I did. A few minutes in, I said to myself, "wait, is this Godard?" His name only flashes on the screen for a second, maybe less at the beginning of the film and I guess I was not focused on the words flashing on the screen, but it felt like him, specific shots and given the time. Oddly, this happened on September 13th, the day he died. Neat to have a little Godard Tribute here.
Agent Lemmy Caution is sent to Alphaville, a technocracy separate from "the Outlands" or "the Outer Countries", ruled and administered by the computer Alpha 60 and overseen by its creator, Professor Braun. His mission is to capture or if necessary kill, the Professor. Alpha 60 and the Professor have created a society based entirely upon logic where emotion is illegal and passion, love, creativity are suppressed. Normals accept this unquestionably, attend classes administered by Alpha 60 on how to think, and are executed if they show emotion. Yet no one seems too upset about this. Upon his arrival, he is exposed to a way of life he cannot understand or accept, especially because everyone around him does. But once he sees the pathetic underground for the expression of love and passion and it's explained to him that there are lots of people who are in misery in this society suppressing it, in what was probably one of the best and most thematically rich scenes...


... he is driven by his confusion and loathing to pursue his mission and put an end to this dystopia. The more he learns of this society, the more he hates it and wants to destroy it.

They've been condemned to death.
But what have they done?
They behaved illogically.

Godard does an amazing... what am I saying of course he does, he's Jean-Luc Godard, but I very much felt like I was watching something special the entire film, like I was almost smarter for having watched it (given that I understand the context of this film is 1965).
I thought it was incredibly interesting, reading about the making of the film, that Lemmy Caution was an existing Secret Agent character from novels and films of the novels and was played by this actor, Eddie Constantine, and Godard just decided to "write" a film (there was not so much a script) where Lemmy Caution goes into space to visit a technocratic society and be exposed to a perfect Logical Dystopia. There's not really a lot of precedent for this beyond the Speculative Fiction novels and short-stories that were around at the time.
Of course, with Godard, there is also the camera.
There are some wonderful shots in this film, including a tracking shot that lasts nearly four minutes (I had to go back and watch it because I didn't realize it was happening until it cut) and goes up a glass elevator and down the hall to a door, where it cuts to a wide shot from inside the room of him opening the door. Great shots of stairways and lots of glass and reflections, amazing use of modern architecture (in choice of building exteriors and interiors), and then just some really nice character shots. For example, Caution is led through Alphaville by Natatcha, Professor Braun's daughter and the interaction between she and Caution is an important framing for both the action and the themes of the film, but also for some great images.


Natatcha, portrayed by Anna Karina, is wonderful and essential the both the narrative and themes of the film. She is the fully indoctrinated daughter of the creator of Alpha 60 and yet she feels something because of Caution... and she can't help herself but pursue it. This leads to some wonderful scenes about words and language and poetry and how important they are to the human soul, culminating in my other favorite moment from the movie, as well as some fantastic shots (Karina is insanely photogenic) like one where the camera focuses on her eye while a light goes on and off and her pupil dilates and contracts with the light while she recites poetry.


I think I am ready to go ahead and call this a masterpiece. I feel fairly close to how I felt about Last Year At Marienbad, which I think of as a Horror movie, by the way, for this "genre" film, that presages Blade Runner and other future/dystopian Noir films, yet this is also something that transcends genre, has a great deal to say about the soul and the human condition, and is a work of art that could be hanging in The Louvre. I don't know if this film is for everyone, but I am glad it exists and will selectively recommend it to people I think will appreciate it.

Not my favourite from Godard (hard to compete with Weekend declaring “Fin du Cinema” at the end), but the man was on an insane run for a few years there.

I understand Eddie Constantine made a career out of playing token Americans in European movies. He makes an appearance in The Long Good Friday, IIRC, which is something of a favourite.

It's only my second Godard. I like it equal to or more than (because of the content more than the style) Breathless.

Apparently Constantine said that this film derailed his career because after this producers "shunned him' after this art-film.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

It's either Pierrot Le Fou, Contempt or Alphaville which would be my favorite of his. But, why choose. Godard's 60's run is almost unparalleled by anyone. So much genius. Ever evolving. Always Godard but always different.


As for Constantine, he also makes an appearance as the American in Fassbinder's "Beware of a Holy Whore". Yet another reason it is amazing.

For Godard, I’d recommend working through his (60s) work in chronological order. I think his films with Anna Karina benefit especially from that approach as they gain resonance from the progression of their real life relationship. And it’ll help Weekend pop all the more.

I saw it recently and I also enjoyed it quite a bit.

I like Alphaville a lot too. I wish Godard (R.I.P.) had made more genre movies like it since he was good at it. I love Caution's conversations with Alpha 90, especially because of the robot's voice. So pleasantly off-putting.

There were a lot of stories like this movie's in that era (the similar Return of the Archons episode from Star Trek comes to mind). What inspired them? Communism and/or emerging computer technology, probably.

My next entry is also from the '60s.

https://i.imgur.com/h2HO4XK.jpg

Night Tide -

This is a sometimes dreamlike, sometimes scary fantasy movie that fans of Carnival of Souls may enjoy and not just because both take place at seaside carnivals. While on leave, sailor Johnny (a young Dennis Hopper) visits one in California and becomes enamored with a beautiful and mysterious woman named Mora (Linda Lawson). Since the title comes from a line in Edgar Allen Poe's poem Annabel Lee, and based on the poster, I don't think it's a spoiler to reveal that Mora may or may not actually be what she portrays at the carnival: a mermaid. A mysterious older woman who only speaks Greek and the suspicions of Captain Murdock (Gavin Muir), who runs the attraction, make Johnny wonder if he should keep seeing Mora, as do some cops who make routine investigations.

I like seeing the latest and greatest special effects and production design as much as the next guy, but there's something special to me about movies that wow me simply on the strength of their acting and with only a few effects, which this one does. Hopper is as watchable and charismatic in this as he is in his most famous roles and it's nice to see him do more subtle work as opposed to his not totally irredeemable, but more over the top and cartoonish '90s performances. Lawson is also perfectly cast for coming across as otherworldly as she looks. Whether it's Johnny's interactions with the carnival's fortune teller or the kindly yet cautious father and daughter who run the merry-go-round, the movie builds quite the mystery about Mora's identity. Also, thanks to a shocking dream sequence and again, Hopper’s performance, Johnny's dilemma as to whether he should keep pursuing this romance becomes more and more compelling.

When it comes to tales about forbidden love, though, this is one of the more interesting and entertaining ones I've watched in a while. If my review sold you on this movie and you have Amazon Prime, I recommend paying extra for the original black and white version because the quality of the "colorized" version on Prime Video left much to be desired. As for the mystery, while it held my interest until the end, the reveal gives more away than is necessary. Still, fans of low-budget fare from this era about the strange things that happen in off the beaten path America like Messiah of Evil and again, Carnival of Souls are especially bound to enjoy it.

My rating: 4 rubber tentacles out of 5

My guy (or gal): Johnny, a guy who like the rest of us is just looking for someone to love.

In the case of Godard, I doubt it was fear of the conformity of communism.

The Godards I’ve seen that flirt closest with genre filmmaking are Made in USA and Detective. Found the former pretty fun and the latter pretty boring.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

Yall are really classin' up the joint in here lately.
On my list of "Movies I Should've Seen By Now", Alphaville and Night Tide are two of the bigger ones.

I feel I should've enjoyed that one more than I ultimately did. The technical aspects in it are exactly what I want out of film, but I was left very cold by the characters. I'll probably return to it sometime in the future though.

Re: The Return of Torgo and Wooley's September Excite-o-rama!
 

From Godard, I think the only one I really enjoyed was Weekend. I find I appreciate his films more than I love them (of the ones I've seen*), which given how seismic his impact on film, there's a lot of appreciation that is due.

*: Breathless
Band of Outsiders
Contempt
Alphaville
Pierrot le Fou
Weekend

I may have seen A Woman Is a Woman (or parts of it), I've only started the first five minutes of 2 or 3 Things I Know About Her way back when (I can't remember what pulled me away from it at the time).

Apparently, "Return Of The Archons" was directly inspired by Alphaville.

So, I'm down in Jamaica on vacation and apparently this hurricane is currently headed straight for the place I'm staying. If y'all don't see any entries from me for a while, you have my apologies.

Stay safe :up:

Thanks!
Better news, the information I was sent was erroneous and it looks like, while the storm is definitely going to hit us, it is only a tropical storm at this point and, having been through Katrina, Rita, and Ida, I ain't too worried.
We're gonna eat some mushrooms and watch the storm.
Wish me luck!

Here's hoping it's a fun vacation story to tell one day.

Have fun and stay safe, Wooley.
For me, the final week is ladies' week in that each movie stars and/or features one. Aww, it's the last week already?

Features one or more ladies in the cast. That’s the only criteria I’ll accept.

https://i.imgur.com/cAQK9LD.jpg

I Kill Giants -

This is an international co-production from 2017 that undeservedly fell under the radar. Cut from the same cloth as The Neverending Story, the hero, like Bastian, is a student (Barbara, played by The Conjuring 2's Madison Wolfe) who also escapes into her fantasies to cope with the horrors of adolescence. Oh, and if her rabbit ears are of any indication, she's not ashamed of doing so. Barbara is on a quest to protect her beautiful coastal New Jersey town from giants, for which she's set bait and traps in practically every corner. Unlike Bastian, however, it's not clear what her horrors are, with the movie being a tense and heart-wrenching journey to discover them. Assisting Barbara whether she wants her to or not are Sophia, a new student who recently arrived from England and Mrs. Molle (Zoe Saldana), her school's guidance counselor. Definitely not assisting Barbara is Taylor (Rory Jackson), the tin-grinned leader of her school's mean girl brigade.

Based on what I can tell from the movie's page on IMDB, it didn't get a theatrical release in North America, which is a shame because it demands to be seen on the largest screen possible. The cinematography is the star here, which not only accentuates the splendor of the Irish beaches and Belgian forests that stand in for New Jersey, but also give scale to the giants. Speaking of, I love their look and feel, which is obviously CGI, but appropriate given that you're supposed to question if they're real or just a product of Barbara's imagination, not to mention complement how they look in the source graphic novel. Madison Wolfe reveals she has star potential based on how convinced she is that giants exist, but I was most impressed with Saldana's subtle and heartfelt work, especially since I've really only seen her in action movies. As for what motivates Barbara, I don't want to say a whole lot for fear of spoiling it, but it left me guessing until the best possible moment, i.e., when empathetic audience surrogate Sophia discovers what's really happening. Thankfully, it's a moment that lets us think and feel because shortly afterwards, all hell breaks loose. I also give the movie credit that Barbara doesn't completely forget about her quest once the worst and most difficult part of it is over.

To bring up The Neverending Story again, this movie doesn't have nearly as many lighthearted moments. In fact, I can't recall if anyone smiles in it. You wouldn't think it would be possible given the subject matter, but Wolfgang Petersen and company still managed, and given the art style of the graphic novel, there could have been more. Also, I don't know what other kind of antagonist this story could have - and not to take away from Jackson's strong performances - but I'm a little tired of bullies, especially since this movie doesn't really do anything with their tropes I haven't already seen. For the ways it explores the value of fantasy in our lives and the most sensitive and thoughtful of us, though, it's very much worth checking out. Again, if you decide to, I recommend spending the extra money to see it in HD because hopefully, some of that money will go to the cinematographer and the specials effects team.

My rating: 3 bunny ear tuques out of 5

My guy (or gal): Mrs. Molle. She's a guidance counselor who gets results.

I like the sound of this.
I love movies where people escape into fantasy... or maybe it's real. Obviously, Sucker Punch comes to mind, which I like a lot more than most people, and Mirrormask which is really cool.
Ima add this to a queue.

I'm actually watching it as I type this, and I'm enjoying it. While you're at it, throw A Monster Calls on that watchlist. I think it's one of the best book adaptations I've ever seen, and with a young adult novel no less!

Alright, The Kid is back from Jamaica!

https://external-content.duckduckgo....c0f&ipo=images

I Kill Giants, 2017

Barbara (Madison Wolfe) lives in a vividly imaginative world of monsters, harbingers, and giants. Under the care of her older sister, Karen (Imogen Poots), Barbara struggles mightily at school, socially isolated and fending off bullies. Barbara makes a new friend in Sophia (Sydney Wade) and begins sessions with a sympathetic school therapist (Zoe Saldana), but neither of these things seem to slow an increasing agitation and mental health crisis in Barbara's life.

This one has been on my watchlist for quite a while, and seeing it reviewed was a good boost to actually watch it.

As I referenced in my earlier post, this film falls very much into the territory of A Monster Calls. Now having watched it, those overlaps are pretty extensive, and I think that I Kill Giants suffers a bit in comparing the two, because I just think that A Monster Calls handles quite a few elements better.

Wolfe is good in the lead role as Barbara. All of the acting is solid. One thing that I appreciated about the movie was that it seemed willing to acknowledge what Barbara was going through as being incredibly unhealthy, mentally and emotionally. Barbara is deliberately provocative, sometimes cruel, moody, and even violent. As much as you are on her side, I like that we see how bad this is all getting. At the same time, the movie can't resist giving Barbara some of those movie trope child attributes, like always having a glib, cutting remark on hand to deal with her teachers or peers.

There's also a lot of fun to be had visually. Under Barbara's imaginative eye, different landscapes reveal large, menacing creatures. She uses various implements and materials to create traps for these creatures, determined to save everyone from the destruction of the giants.

My main issues are with how it all wraps up in the final act. Again, I can't help but compare with A Monster Calls, which covered a lot of the same ground. (It should be said, however, that what bothers the protagonists of the two films is actually significantly different). I thought that the ending was a bit overly neat:

I also found myself wishing that they hadn't spent so much energy

A good piece of middle-grade fantasy fiction, but it suffers from comparison to a similar film.

Conan The Barbarian

At last! The Crown Jewel of my Fantasy/Sci-Fi experience.
I have been a fan of this film since I was very young. It came out when I was 9 years old and had quite a stir around it, actually. Despite it not doing that well at the box-office, it had a mystique around it and had all the suburban parents a'twitter. And a big dude with a sword, a giant snake, and a warrior woman. I had to see it.
I did see it much earlier than my parents probably would have liked and I was sort of stunned by it. This movie is more than it should be, at least in my opining, and it hit me like a thunderbolt. Perhaps it is more accurate to say that it is what it should be and all other Sword and Sorcery movies are not.
In high-school, it continued to be a film that had a cult-following and talked about as one of the cool movies and, my senior year, we even watched it on LSD - a lot of LSD - and we all loved it. Over the years, my experience has been that every time I revisit it, it at least lives up to my highest expectation and memory, if not surpasses it. But a few years ago, I decided to start reading the original Conan stories by Robert E. Howard and I was so taken with them that I read them all. And now I am back, with serious purpose, to see how the movie holds up...


Well, I won't stand on ceremony or try to build suspense here, nor will I bore you with a rehashing of the plot. Milius and Oliver Stone wrote a story that borrows from several of Howard's original stories and is absolutely in keeping with the spirit of the work, even if it differs from certain specifics. He is Conan. Cimmerian. He will not cry. So I cry for him.
Honestly, this film never ceases to amaze me. Director John Milius, like many from the pre-Star Wars/pre-Indiana Jones era, set out to make a serious movie. He did not tip his hat at the mega franchises that were leaning into childhood nostalgia and the early-parenthood of their directors. He made a lean, muscular, grim, dark, and thoroughly entertaining and successful film.
The narrative is coherent and cohesive. The characters are engaging. The design is on-point. The cinematography, aside from a couple of spotty blue-screens (which seemed a bit unnecessary) early on is excellent. The FX are surprisingly good for the time. And the film is full of imagination and dark wonder. I cannot say it enough, Conan is the standard for Sword and Sorcery as far as I'm concerned.
There is one area of the film that I would like to specifically point out here and that is the actors. A number of exceptional people give very good, very serious performances here to give the whole proceedings an air of legitimacy that I think is lacking in so many other genre films. While Max von Sydow may have given us a wonderfully campy turn as Ming The Merciless in Flash Gordon, here his role and performance are as real as if this were a period biopic, and yet, as always his talent and charisma dominate the screen during his brief time.


I would also shine a light here on Sandahl Bergman as Valeria. Valeria is the ultimate thief/warrior woman of the original Conan lore and poor Sandahl Bergman had big shoes to fill. Which is perhaps fitting given that she is six feet tall. Milius cast her here after her performance in Bob Fosse's All That Jazz and she is more than up to the task here. While, like Schwarzenegger, she does not necessarily strictly resemble her literary counterpart, she more than makes up for it in spirit.
She also gives the film its heart, one of its most rewarding moments, and her monologue about finding warmth in this world is one of the highlights of the film that genuinely moved me.


Obviously, to discuss the film without talking about Schwarzenegger would be senseless and I will say this for the Austrian bodybuilder: he made it work. There is no questioning that the man has charisma, but whether or not he can act has long been a subject of debate. However, here, in this dusty, sweaty, brutal world, and perhaps with clever direction by Milius, Arnold proves that he was not miscast merely for his muscles, he pulls this film off. Not only does he have the magnetism to keep eyes all eyes on him he actually genuinely makes this character believable. Whether he is or is not Canon Conan (ya like that?), he was every bit the man for the job and I, an unabashed fan of the source material, give Arnold my full seal of approval.


Finally, you simply cannot talk about Conan The Barbarian without bringing up the great James Earl Jones' absolutely wonderful turn as the dread Thulsa Doom. Jones brings his A-game to the role and gives the movie a tremendous gravitas from the opening scenes to the climax. An amalgam of two of Howard's arch-villains (one from Kull The Conqueror and one from Conan), Thulsa Doom is like a boogeyman and absolutely could have been one-dimensional and still been awesome. But Jones brings a depth and humanity to him that makes him special among movie villains in that he seems to have an understanding, a deep if twisted wisdom, at times even a kindness to him, even as he utters, "Now they will know why they're afraid of the dark, now they will learn why they fear the night" before taking his grim revenge. He also gifts us with the best scene of the film, which is just him talking, which tells you almost everything you need to know about the film. It is not about nostalgic nods to silly serials, it is about moments like this:


Obviously, I am giving this film high praise and I do so without reservation. If this movie is not for you, fine, but it is about as good as I can imagine it being for its time. It is dark and grim and serious and yet remains engaging and entertaining throughout and creates a character and a world that are the best of their kind and timeless.
Is this the best Sword and Sorcery movie ever made? Yes, with respect to Peter Jackson, yes, it is.

Hmm...
Well, I think the bunny-ears have hooked me, regardless.

Good review, and I agree with your main issues. I was I guess I need to see A Monster Calls. I didn't love The Orphanage, the only other Bayona movie I've seen, mostly because it's not as scary as I would have l liked, but I like his directing style.

I like this. Bonestell? Looks like one of his.

Mirrormask is good fun. I've heard your mileage may vary on Sucker Punch, but I think I'm done with Snyder, at least for a long time. He's always left me disappointed.

Actually not sure it was not credited from whence I got it.

Sucker Punch may actually be the only movie of his I like.