Essay: Feedback Please!

[allthatglitters]

I normally hate doing something like this, but I really need a proof reader and some feedback on this. I have an essay that I must turn in tomorrow for English, we're writing an essay about a place. Normally I am fine with essays, but on this one my english tecaher had to freak me out and say, "I have a feeling that you are going to do very well on this, and I am hoping that you consider submitting it to The Torch (Our schools literary magazine)." Anyways, now I am scared to death and would really like any help I can get.

I am posting only the introductory paragraph first, mainly to see if it draws people in. If you guys could be dolls and please tell me whta you think that would be much appreciated.

Open Cranium!

The library was completed in 1968, a shining hope for knowledge and discovery. Large, cinemascope windows, darkly tinted and reflective, display its modern design. It is made of concrete and casts an imposing shadow on the streets; a grandfatherly figure, both authoritative and welcoming. The building is saved from total practicality by its abstract style and a tall flowing waterfall located near the entrance. Surrounded by trees and fauna it is a harbor for growing squirrel families and vagabond troublemakers in downtown Santa Rosa. Wide glass and metal doors lead into one of the cities more blessed commodities. It is like the cave of the forty thieves, storing many treasures, and only open to those knowledgeable enough to speak the password.



Background info: I am writing about an old library where I used to live. This is an honors course so symbolism and essence is mandatory. Whatever that means. :rolleyes:

[HellboyUnleashed]

sounds like it will be good but I'm not really a person who knows alot about this type of writing because all i Like to write is Sci-Fi stuff.

[SamsoniteDelilah]

The library was completed in 1968, a shining hope for knowledge and discovery. Large, cinemascope windows, darkly tinted and reflective, display its modern design. It is made of concrete and casts an imposing shadow on the streets; a grandfatherly figure, both authoritative and welcoming. The building is saved from total practicality by its abstract style and a tall, flowing waterfall located near the entrance. Surrounded by trees and fauna it is a haven for growing squirrel families and vagabond troublemakers in downtown Santa Rosa. Wide glass and metal doors lead into one of the city's more blessed commodities. It is like the "cave of the forty thieves", storing many treasures, and only open to those knowledgeable enough to speak the password.

Excellent word choices. Great observation of the facility and the mood it evokes. Nice writing, Glitter. :up:

[Caitlyn]

I agree with Sam... nicely done... :up:

[allthatglitters]

Thank ye' Sammy. I can't believe I wrote cities instead of city's, thats one of the reasons why I need somebody to proof read for me. Usually I have my friend do it for me, but lately he has become egotistical and dumb (He actually is a brilliant writer and will some day make millions. right now however, he is just being weird).

Open Cranium!

The library was completed in 1968, a shining hope for knowledge and discovery. Large, cinemascope windows, darkly tinted and reflective, display its modern design. It is made of concrete and casts an imposing shadow on the streets; a grandfatherly figure, both authoritative and welcoming. The building is saved from total practicality by its abstract style and a tall, flowing waterfall located near the entrance. Surrounded by trees and fauna it is a haven for growing squirrel families and vagabond troublemakers in downtown Santa Rosa. Wide glass and metal doors lead into one of the city’s more blessed commodities. It is like the “cave of the forty thieves”, storing many treasures, and only open to those knowledgeable enough to speak the password.

Entering the library is like walking into an over-looked wardrobe, filled with mothballs, but instead of camphor, it is the strong scent of faded pages and dusty bookshelves that overpowers the building. There is also the scent of adventure that must of accompanied Lucy as she ventured from one world to the next; side walk turning into an ancient orange carpet, earthy from years of trapped dirt. In this world the information desk is the light post, and serves as the active portal for visitors to be transported into another realm. It is the center of a revolving cycle, different sections of the library springing out of it like spokes to a wheel. Sending explorers to smell the humid density of a jungle in a tribal adventure story or to enjoy the delicate, fruity smell of tea in a high society parlor comedy. Perhaps the building itself is the bland scent of textbooks, but the imagination creates a myriad of smells that privately tickle a readers nose and charm the mind.


About the second paragraph: I am worried about the allusion, I am not sure if it works or if it looks too planned and repetitive. I am also worried about clarity.

[SamsoniteDelilah]

...Entering the library is like walking into an over-looked wardrobe, filled with mothballs, but instead of camphor, it is the strong scent of faded pages and dusty bookshelves that overpowers the explorer. There is also the scent of adventure that must have accompanied Lucy as she ventured from one world to the next; side walk turning into an ancient orange carpet, earthy from years of trapped dirt. In this world the information desk is the light post, and serves as the active portal for visitors to be transported into another realm. It is the center of a revolving cycle, different sections of the library springing out of it like spokes to a wheel. It sends explorers to smell the humid density of a jungle in a tribal adventure story or to enjoy the delicate, fruity smell of tea in a high-society parlor comedy. Perhaps the building itself has (or bears) the bland scent of textbooks, but the imagination creates a myriad of smells that privately tickle a reader's nose and charm the mind.

I'm so impressed, Glitter. I've read things for college students that don't TOUCH this for quality.

The clarity is great, and the allusion isn't carried over-far. Nice.

[allthatglitters]

I'm so impressed, Glitter. I've read things for college students that don't TOUCH this for quality.

The clarity is great, and the allusion isn't carried over-far. Nice.

Thank you. :blush: I am hoping to be an english major and prehaps get my masters. However, I am sure my english teacher will disagree, but that is her job; to push me not just enough to finish, but to out do the expectations.

Open Cranium!

The library was completed in 1968, a shining hope for knowledge and discovery. Large, cinemascope windows, darkly tinted and reflective, display its modern design. It is made of concrete and casts an imposing shadow on the streets; a grandfatherly figure, both authoritative and welcoming. The building is saved from total practicality by its abstract style and a tall, flowing waterfall located near the entrance. Surrounded by trees and fauna, it is a haven for growing squirrel families and vagabond troublemakers in downtown Santa Rosa. Wide glass and metal doors lead into one of the city’s more blessed commodities. It is like the “cave of the forty thieves”, storing many treasures, and only open to those knowledgeable enough to speak the password.

Entering the library is like walking into an over-looked wardrobe filled with mothballs, but instead of camphor, it is the strong scent of faded pages and dusty bookshelves that overpowers the explorer. There is also the scent of adventure that accompanied Lucy as she ventured from one world to the next; as the side-walk turns into an ancient orange carpet, earthy from years of trapped dirt. In this world the desk is the light post, and serves as the active portal for visitors to be transported information into another realm. It is the center of a revolving cycle, different sections of the library springing out of it like spokes to a wheel. It sends explorers to smell the humid density of a jungle in a tribal adventure story or to enjoy the delicate, fruity smell of tea in a high- society parlor comedy. Perhaps the building bears the bland scent of textbooks, but the imagination creates a myriad of smells that privately tickles a reader’s nose and charms the mind.

Except for the windows that look out upon the streets, the library has a medieval quality to it, dimly lit in hazy gold light. The same time-suspending light that you might find in Grandma’s attic in the midst of treasure seeking afternoon. It silently falls on the many facets to the library; each section uses it to its advantage and creates a unique aura.
The reference and records area is a bit darker and moodier, respectfully lighting the past. An adult fiction section hides forgotten classics, concealing literary sages with a shifty and light bulb luminescent light. The youth area is a mini-version of its adult counterpart, however, flashy lights allow teens to throw secretive glances and exchange glances while still under the pretense that nobody can see them. The children’s section is where the light really comes alive. It dances in the eyes of young ones and only shows the innocent and the pureness of young life. The light there is plain, but is a garden for creativity. By the wide windows, each page turned unleashes new knowledge and as the mind grows, it basks in sunlight, delighting in the freshness. As readers grow older, they lose that sunlight and purity, retreating into shadows to hide.




Again, thank you so much Sammy. The middle paragraph I just went over with a friend of my parents and re-worked some syntax. On this new paragraph I am thinking re-working the entire thing. Reading it out loud I think it seems a bit abrupt and there are several awkward places.

[Eyes]

be careful with ur verb tenses, it is always the most common mistake after punctuation and spelling

[allthatglitters]

be careful with ur verb tenses, it is always themost common mistake after punctuation and spelling

Am I the only one who finds that ironic?

[SamsoniteDelilah]

Am I the only one who finds that ironic?
:D :nope:
Sorry I missed your last paragraph, Glitterwomyn. I had to crash. I'm sure you did great with it.

[allthatglitters]

I am a bit dissapointed with the last two paragraphs, I didn't spend as much time on them as I should have. It sort of falls flat and I am sort of mad at myself for not wokring harder at it. I think I stopped working at three in the morning, but I should of started the revising process sooner and spent more quality time with it.



Open Cranium!

The library was completed in 1968, a shining hope for knowledge and discovery. Large, cinemascope windows, darkly tinted and reflective, display its modern design. It is made of concrete and casts an imposing shadow on the streets; a grandfatherly figure,
both authoritative and welcoming. Surrounded by trees and fauna, it is a haven for growing squirrel families and vagabond troublemakers in downtown Santa Rosa. The building is saved from total practicality by its abstract style and a tall, flowing waterfall located near the entrance. Wide glass and metal doors lead into one of the city’s more
blessed commodities. It is like the “cave of the forty thieves”, storing many treasures, and
only open to those knowledgeable enough to speak the password.

Entering the library is like walking into an over-looked wardrobe filled with mothballs, but instead of camphor, it is the strong scent of faded pages and dusty bookshelves that overpowers the explorer. There is also the scent of adventure that accompanied Lucy as she ventured from one world to the next; as the side-walk turns into an ancient orange carpet, earthy from years of trapped dirt. In this world the desk is the light post, and serves as the active portal for visitors to be transported information into another realm. It is the center of a revolving cycle, different sections of the library springing out of it like spokes to a wheel. It sends explorers to smell the humid density of
a jungle in a tribal adventure story or to enjoy the delicate, fruity smell of tea in a high- society parlor comedy. Perhaps the building bears the bland scent of textbooks, but the imagination creates a myriad of smells that privately tickles a reader’s nose and charms
the mind.

Except for the windows that look out upon the streets, the library has a closed-in medieval atmosphere to it. Romantically lit in hazy gold light, it is the same time-suspending light that you might find in Grandma’s attic in midst of a treasure hunt. It silently falls on each part of the library differently, creating a unique aura and personality. The reference and records area is shadowy, respectfully protecting history while evoking
images of cloaked figures hiding in the nightly depths. An adult fiction section hides literary classics behind trashy novels, much like lights on stage are used to conceal stage blemishes; the light there is an obviously false golden light, emitting in flickers the deceit that many adults tend to believe. It often goes out, and it is during those times that people will run to the worn classic books, their faded screened prints on the cover providing comfort. The young adult area desperately tries to grow up and provides the same fake lighting as the adult section, allowing teens to throw secretive glances over bookshelves
or check their appearance on the table. The children’s section is where the light comes alive, pouring in from those large, curving windows. It dances upon glossy pages of illustrations; a child’s dance, full of anticipation and giddy excitement. The light there is plain, pure and simple like the children it shines upon. Each page it touches unleashes new knowledge, uncovers a treasure and ignites creativity.

From the rough tread of the carpet to the smooth, cool feeling of metal bookshelves, the library is full of delightful materials. The many tables placed around the library feel like old marble that has dulled with age. The chairs aren’t anything luxurious and are covered in mauve tweed that is tattered and feels like a course grain sack. Somewhere by the children’s area are bean bags, half full and an unrecognizable color. It is like sitting on a garbage bag of leaves. Posters hang on the walls, yearning to be taken down and replaced. Instead it is easy to imagine them to be beautiful landscapes and the uncomfortable chairs to be grand thrones. From the cold shelves come leather books with a polished feeling, cloth covered books that show its history and those glossy
paperbacks which weigh nothing and easily blow away in the wind. The less than desirable settings allow books to work their magic and transform the space into fantasy.


As we grow older, we lose most of our imagination, and our disillusionment as well. No longer can there be poetic metaphors for the library. It is a clunky building; the concrete is stained from rain. On the inside the light could be described as medieval, but in a library it really just isn’t enough. Ugly orange and yellow cabinets dominate any
hope for beauty and most of the carpet is ripping away. The children’s section is small and could hardly house many young minds, or enough books to feed them. Still, it is a library and even without personified light and earthy carpet, there still is the opportunity
to learn. As a young child I took the libraries fault and created out of them a castle, and even though I still dream, I no longer need such images to learn. The dim lights are just enough to see, and hard chairs are enough to keep me focused. Instead of creating images of disenchantment about the library, I spill it out on paper.



I really hate that ending. (I hope my english teacher will work with me on it before I submit it)

[Eyes]

Am I the only one who finds that ironic?
yeah, i messed up, "let the man without sin be the first to cast a stone" just tryin to help

[allthatglitters]

No problem. No hard feelings meant.

[Eyes]

none taken

[projectMayhem]

I really hate that ending. (I hope my english teacher will work with me on it before I submit it)

I like that ending quite a bit. The whole paper is excellent.
I did find this however (and its probably just a type-o):

"As a young child I took the libraries fault[s] and created out of them a castle, and even though I still dream, I no longer need such images to learn."

Nice work!

[allthatglitters]

I like that ending quite a bit. The whole paper is excellent.
I did find this however (and its probably just a type-o):

"As a young child I took the libraries fault[s] and created out of them a castle, and even though I still dream, I no longer need such images to learn."

Nice work!

Oh thank you. Your too kind :D

It was a typo, I remember fixing it later. :D

[SamsoniteDelilah]

Congratulations on the good grade, Glitter!
(I just read your shout.) :)

[allthatglitters]

Posting another essay up for feedback is a sure sign of dependence, but I am trying to find ways to be a better writer. The fact that this is my final doesn't even matter. Finals? Who needs them? :rolleyes: I spent the last hour of Ap world history block helping others with their essays, but came out with little to none feedback of my own.

You will need to find and explore a common theme or element that you've observed in at least three works we have studied this semester. Your essay will organize your analysis in a meaningful way, showing either comparisons or contrasts, analyzing a writer's ideas, or commenting on the writer's choices of characters, symbols, or themes.

I am framing my topic around the concept of destiny, and the ramifications it has on people, evil people in particular. We all know that in some way the hero is destined to become the hero, but what about the villain? I am using Beowulf (Translated by Burton Raffel), Grendel (John Gardner), Macbeth (The Bard), and Paradise Lost (John Milton) as examples.


Destined to Evil, Death, and Destruction?

Nobody ever loves the bad guy. We might pity them; we might even wish to see them reformed, but we love to loathe them. However, the quintessential evil genius, horrific monster or raving lunatic is a necessity to the heroes own story. It is the hero’s destiny to defeat the antagonist. Yet, what is Grendel doing while Beowulf polishes his sword? While Mac Duff prepares for a coup d tat, what’s Macbeth doing? And while Adam and Eve are lying to God, where is that slithering reptile? If the hero’s own code dictates that they end their fight in victory, what is to be said then about the villains own code? In Beowulf, Grendel, Macbeth and Paradise Lost we are confronted with an unsavory bunch of murderers and fiends, who, concealed in darkness follow a path all of
their own making; they have their own destiny, in some way it is their own fate to tremble in the light, but while it may be fate, they may have created their own doom by accepting it.

That's just the first paragraph, chockful of arrogant errors and honest grammatical mistakes. Those are easily fixed, I am just wondering if that makes sense. :kisses: to all those who help.

[Caitlyn]

Excellent Glitter… it made a lot of sense to me…

[allthatglitters]

Thanks Caity :kiss:

Ahhhh. . .essay is turned in and complete. Thursday night I went to the library because my english teacher had said she was going to be there from 6:30 until 8:00 to help anybody with their essay. She's done it a couple times before and usually only five people show up. I walked into the library and all the front tables were filled. There were like 25-30 people there, and we completely dominated the library. There was a line to talk to her, so you would spend twenty minutes in line, talking with everybody else. When it was your turn, she reviewed it, and then you would find some quiet place to write some more. Do a few peer reviews and start the whole process all over again. Holy crap it was freaking great. I must of edited 20 papers at least. It is the sort of library where there are little tables and chairs in every corner and then alot of big tables, and lamost every single table was taken up by us. There were four people in the childrens library too, and I was in the quiet room for a good 45 minutes along with 7 other people, but it was too quiet and UBER hot. Anyways, we almost got kicked out twice. That was interesting. We ended up walking out of the library at 9:06 (library closes at nine), then we stayed in the parking lot for 10 minutes and she reviewed the last 5 people. My english tecaher is so f-ing awesome. It was so great, we were so stressed that we didn't even care anymore. Definitely doing it again.

Anyways my essay is utter crap, but I thought I'd finish the post.


Destined to Evil, Death and Destruction?

Nobody ever loves the bad guy. We might pity them; we might

even wish to see them reformed, but we love to loathe them. However,

the quintessential evil genius, horrific monster or raving lunatic is a

necessity to the heroes own story. It is the hero’s destiny to defeat the

antagonist. Yet, what is Grendel doing while Beowulf polishes his sword?

What is Macbeth doing while Macduff prepares for a coup d` etat? And

while Adam and Eve are lying to God, where is that slithering reptile? If

the hero’s own code dictates that they end their fight in victory, what is

to be said then about the villains’ own code? In Beowulf, Grendel,

Macbeth and Paradise Lost we are confronted with an unsavory bunch of

murderers and fiends, who concealed in darkness follow a path, a wicked

concoction of fate and choice. Evil has its own destiny, in some way it is

their own twist of fate to tremble in the light, but their choices make it

so.

“But fate, that night, intended Grendel to gnaw the broken

bones of his last supper.” (Beowulf, ll. 310-311) Although the words of

Beowulf were eventually suited to fit the church’s own purpose, it still

retains the concept that Grendel is somehow predestined to die a

horrible death after a round of evil destruction. It seems like Beowulf is

presenting Grendel as a dark creature with no choice in his evil ways.

However, in John Gardner’s Grendel, we see a different side of Grendel,

taken from his own point of view. The novel maintains the fact that

Grendel is a descended from Cain, and enforces the born-to-be-evil

theme by giving Grendel a murderous and wicked mother. It also shows

though, Grendel’s own choice in the matter:
I had become something, as if born again. I had hung between possibilities before, between the cold truths I knew and the heart-sucking conjuring tricks of the Shaper; now that was passed; I was Grendel, Ruiner of Meadhalls, Wrecker of Kings. (Grendel Gardner)

Grendel chooses to accept his own evil fate. Even in spite of any fears

he confesses to have of humans. In some ways he resembles a hero, but

without the good intentions.


Tragic heroes make the best villains, but also the most subtle.

Their pre-destiny is of the mind, a tragic flaw that always foils any

chance they had at being good. In William Shakespeare’s Macbeth, the

title character has a penchant for power, a greedy desire, that when

provoked by the witches prophecy leads him to his doom. Macbeth is

blinded by his own ambition. While the fates show him the path to

power, Macbeth is the one beating down all obstacles along the path.

Macbeth is a textbook psychopath, there can be no doubting that, but

by allowing fate to control him he chose to be evil. “If chance will have

me king, why, chance may crown me.” (Macbeth Act I s. iii), Macbeth

accepts his destiny, and while a hero may do their duty, they do it for

the good of others, but an adversary does it for more selfish reasons.


Paradise Lost presents the most infamous portrayal of evil: the

devil himself. In his fabled existence he has committed more crimes and

than what could be possible in the lifetime of one human, a regular

accomplice to our own sins. That is Satan’s fate in a way, but it only

played a role after he was the fallen angel. Before his chief job of being

the most evil being, he was an angel of music in the heavens. “. . .but

that the will and high permission of all-ruling heaven left him at large to

his own dark designs.” (Paradise Lost Milton ll. 212-213) At this point,

it’s safe to say that the role Satan would play on earth was known to

God beforehand, but God is not a dictator and while he might have a

specific purpose for us, he has given us free will. The devil’s damnation

to hell, set up earth for the first human sin. When he posed as a snake

in the Garden of Eden, he revealed human’s biggest flaw: severe

disobedience. It is one of our many little penchants for evil, dangerous

toxic fumes that the devil takes advantage of, always trying to obtain a

death grip on humanity.

Assuming that we all have both free-will and predestination,

then it is made clear that we all have a potential to be either a hero or a

villain. A sort of shady potential marked with consequences and spun by

destiny. Grendel, Macbeth and the Devil have shined a light down the

darker path, a path that without reform, will surely lead to hell. Gardner,

Shakespeare and Milton masterfully showed the human potential for evil.

The difference in the fine line between good and evil is really just good

and evil. The decisions of a being, the being’s creation alone. Destiny, a

working artifice in the Master painters ultimate landscape.

[projectMayhem]

I wish I had English teachers like that in High School. College would have seemed far less intimidating. Oh, and with material like that you're gonna destory your college English classes when you get there.

[allthatglitters]

I wish I had English teachers like that in High School. College would have seemed far less intimidating. Oh, and with material like that you're gonna destory your college English classes when you get there.

It's an english honors course, so that sort of teaching is expected. I guess that sounds elitist, but it is a well known fact, at least where I am, that the honors/AP teachers are always excellant (if a little tough and rough along the edges). I think that the regular english classes should be taught the same way the honors courses are. The regular english cirriculum is worthless. When I think about they way they teach Shakespeare or the way they teach the kids how to write essays, I shudder. It's a teachers job to give 110%. I've been blessed to have 16/22 (all my tecahers, not including PE) be awesome teachers who I learned so much from and am still reaping the benefits from their teaching.

Anyways, thank you. The essay really is crap and I can't believe I didn't (nor anybody else here) catch the heinous grammer mistake I made in the first two sentences.

"Nobody ever loves the bad guy. We might pity them. . ."

It is such a stupid mistake. Simple term agreement, yet I failed to catch it. Of course, it should read: "Nobody ever loves the bad guy. We might pity him. . ."

I missed one or two apostrophes as well and the first body paragraph had the worst intro ever. That quote is just floating in mid-air like the feather in Forrest Gump. It sets a confused tone and evades the topic of the paragraph. Oh well. Too bad I can't rewrite this for a better grade. I probably will anyways though.

[allthatglitters]

#5 on the 'You Know you're a Honors student when. . .' list: The line between cognitive thinking and bs-ing begins to dissipate .

And that's all I have to say about that. This was a song analysis I finished ten minutes ago for english that pretty much sucks. I chose a Tears for Fears song 'Break it Down Again' for this psuedo-intellectual piece of crap.

‘Break it Down Again’

Amid the growing popularity of pop music in the 1980’s, Tears for Fears emerged as a British pop duo that produced mind-stirring lyrics accompanied by a blend of rock and a new wave sound. Although the original band split in 1989, songwriter Roland Orzabal continued under the band name and released the song ‘Break it down Again’ in 1991. In a post cold war world, Orzabal uses the song as a vehicle to express a somewhat transcendental view that deals wit modern society’s preoccupation with idealism, conformity, and complex lifestyles. Employing paradoxes and unique analogies, Tears for Fears shows how the struggle to confront reality while maintaining your own beliefs and ideas can be helped by simplifying your life and minimizing bleary-eyed idealistic dreams.

Orzabal addresses the difference between pipe dreams and realistic vision in “So those are my dreams/And these are my eyes”, but describes in “Stand tall lie a man/Headstrong like a horse” how individuals can grow up and face the music, but still retain their values and beliefs. After the fears of a possible nuclear war had dissipated at he end of the Cold War the world became distracted with the concept of World Peace and engaged in childish follies. Orzabal seems to think that society’s tendency to hide from reality prevents us from seeing that life is still a ticking time bomb. It isn’t necessarily denial, but instead confusion caused by over-ambitious thinkers and revolutionaries. The songwriter not only picks up on this chaos, but relates to it as well by handing out free advice: “When it’s all mixed up/Better break it down.” Stereotypically called hippies, their quixotic ideas of revolution and the idealistic hopes for world peace distract them from seeing that even all the love in the world won’t stop the rain from falling on occasion.

As the dust began to settle after the fall of the Berlin Wall also came another set of individuals in society who hold reality out at arms length and conform to the white lies of society. “’No sleep for dreaming’ say the architects of life” shows how they prefer to leave the dreaming of future plans and world peace. This paradox fails to acknowledge the dreams that these deep sleepers forget after they wake. “They make no mention of the beauty of decay” is the same denial of life’s immortality that the more romantically inclined had. In society they have attempted to ignore the world by focusing on themselves and building complex lives revolving around selfish-wants in attempt to deny that they still hold no power that can stop the rain from falling.

In the end, Orzabal seems to be addressing two kinds of people who are in desperate need of the same message. To retreat from hiding and slowly simplify our lives wouldn’t be a capitulation of our beliefs, but instead would refocus our dreams. “No more sleepy dreaming” epitomizes this and gives the last word in the foolishness of the blind and able.

[SamsoniteDelilah]

#5 on the 'You Know you're a Honors student when. . .' list: The line between cognitive thinking and bs-ing begins to dissipate .

And that's all I have to say about that. This was a song analysis I finished ten minutes ago for english that pretty much sucks. I chose a Tears for Fears song 'Break it Down Again' for this psuedo-intellectual piece of crap.

‘Break it Down Again’

Amid the growing popularity of pop music in the 1980’s, Tears for Fears emerged as a British pop duo that produced mind-stirring lyrics accompanied by a blend of rock and a new wave sound. Although the original band split in 1989, songwriter Roland Orzabal continued under the band name and released the song ‘Break it down Again’ in 1991. In a post cold war world, Orzabal uses the song as a vehicle to express a somewhat transcendental view that deals wit modern society’s preoccupation with idealism, conformity, and complex lifestyles. Employing paradoxes and unique analogies, Tears for Fears shows how the struggle to confront reality while maintaining your own beliefs and ideas can be helped by simplifying your life and minimizing bleary-eyed idealistic dreams.

Orzabal addresses the difference between pipe dreams and realistic vision in “So those are my dreams/And these are my eyes”, but describes in “Stand tall lie a man/Headstrong like a horse” how individuals can grow up and face the music, but still retain their values and beliefs. After the fears of a possible nuclear war had dissipated at he end of the Cold War the world became distracted with the concept of World Peace and engaged in childish follies. Orzabal seems to think that society’s tendency to hide from reality prevents us from seeing that life is still a ticking time bomb. It isn’t necessarily denial, but instead confusion caused by over-ambitious thinkers and revolutionaries. The songwriter not only picks up on this chaos, but relates to it as well by handing out free advice: “When it’s all mixed up/Better break it down.” Stereotypically called hippies, their quixotic ideas of revolution and the idealistic hopes for world peace distract them from seeing that even all the love in the world won’t stop the rain from falling on occasion.

As the dust began to settle after the fall of the Berlin Wall also came another set of individuals in society who hold reality out at arms length and conform to the white lies of society. “’No sleep for dreaming’ say the architects of life” shows how they prefer to leave the dreaming of future plans and world peace. This paradox fails to acknowledge the dreams that these deep sleepers forget after they wake. “They make no mention of the beauty of decay” is the same denial of life’s immortality that the more romantically inclined had. In society they have attempted to ignore the world by focusing on themselves and building complex lives revolving around selfish-wants in attempt to deny that they still hold no power that can stop the rain from falling.

In the end, Orzabal seems to be addressing two kinds of people who are in desperate need of the same message. To retreat from hiding and slowly simplify our lives wouldn’t be a capitulation of our beliefs, but instead would refocus our dreams. “No more sleepy dreaming” epitomizes this and gives the last word in the foolishness of the blind and able.
Nice essay, chick. There's an entire branch of science dedicated to understanding the process you went through to write this (it's called Semiotics). Don't undermine your power by down-talking your ability to "bs". It's a skill!

Check for typos, you've got a few in there. It's great though. I learned a few things, reading it. :)

[nebbit]

Grear stuff Glittergirl, I am a bit late but I did like it, how did the teacher like it? :D