Casual sex

[Midnight FM]

My current view on casual sex is that it isn't sustainable, because constantly pursuing a new, temporary partner rather than having a consistent partner isn't something most people can spend their entire life doing.

I think casual sex is also based on more superficial factors such as looks than lasting relationships, and looks fade with age.

I admit I've never pursued a serious relationship and have only had casual sex, but at my age I would feel uncomfortable making a life goal out of casual sex. If something happens, it happens, but having it as a life goal feels adolescent to me. Becoming an old man and having nothing to talk about other than what you imagine your "accomplishments" with girls is seems unappealing even if it did when you were younger.

Sadly, most discussions about the subject devolve into people sharing merely sharing mores - some of them outdated and Victorian, and don't give a more rational explanation of the issues surrounding casual sex. I do think that social and religious views on the subject attempted to deal with the risks associated with casual sex, and the fact that pursuing it instead of a serious relationship could lead to loneliness, but that's just my two cents.

[Allaby]

I saw the title and assumed this would be about the movie called Casual Sex (1988), which I enjoyed and would recommend. I have no opinions or experience in regards to actual casual sex.

[Midnight FM]

I saw the title and assumed this would be about the movie called Casual Sex (1988), which I enjoyed and would recommend. I have no opinions or experience in regards to actual casual sex.
While I've heard various people give negative opinions of it for various reasons, my view was that this was rooted in outdated Victorian sentiments.

And while some of these Victorian sentiments may exist, I find making a life goal out of casual sex to be questionable for more practical reasons. Basically, there are more human issues at play, such as constantly making and breaking bonds. Making a goal our of pursuing casual sex also seems to be more of an "extreme" of human behavior, since most people, at least at some point in their life, want a lasting relationship. And I'm skeptical about whether or not "extremes" of human behavior are healthy or lead to a meaningful life.

[Stirchley]

My current view on casual sex is that it isn't sustainable, because constantly pursuing a new, temporary partner rather than having a consistent partner isn't something most people can spend their entire life doing.

I think casual sex is also based on more superficial factors such as looks than lasting relationships, and looks fade with age.

I admit I've never pursued a serious relationship and have only had casual sex, but at my age I would feel uncomfortable making a life goal out of casual sex. If something happens, it happens, but having it as a life goal feels adolescent to me. Becoming an old man and having nothing to talk about other than what you imagine your "accomplishments" with girls is seems unappealing even if it did when you were younger.

Sadly, most discussions about the subject devolve into people sharing merely sharing mores - some of them outdated and Victorian, and don't give a more rational explanation of the issues surrounding casual sex. I do think that social and religious views on the subject attempted to deal with the risks associated with casual sex, and the fact that pursuing it instead of a serious relationship could lead to loneliness, but that's just my two cents.

Surely a “consistent partner” was once a “new, temporary partner”?

[Citizen Rules]

My current view on casual sex is that it isn't sustainable, because constantly pursuing a new, temporary partner rather than having a consistent partner isn't something most people can spend their entire life doing.

I think casual sex is also based on more superficial factors such as looks than lasting relationships, and looks fade with age.

I admit I've never pursued a serious relationship and have only had casual sex, but at my age I would feel uncomfortable making a life goal out of casual sex. If something happens, it happens, but having it as a life goal feels adolescent to me. Becoming an old man and having nothing to talk about other than what you imagine your "accomplishments" with girls is seems unappealing even if it did when you were younger. I'm not sure what you're calling casual sex? Do you mean like one night stands type of things? Or do you mean like a relationship that last for a month or two?

If a person is young, temporary relationships are fine as one figures out what and who they want in life. As one gets older it becomes much harder to meet single people who might be their soul mate...all the good ones get taken. And if one goes around having nothing but uncommitted casual sex/relationships they might throw away the perfect soul mate who could've made them happy for the rest of their lives. I've seen this happen to people I know, they were for whatever reason not wanting to be tied down but played the field, then as they got older they missed the boat and so didn't really have a chance to find their soul mate. To me, that missed opportunity for a long term relationship is the biggest problem with casual sex/relationships.

[hownos]

My current view on casual sex is that it isn't sustainable, because constantly pursuing a new, temporary partner rather than having a consistent partner isn't something most people can spend their entire life doing.

I think casual sex is also based on more superficial factors such as looks than lasting relationships, and looks fade with age.

I admit I've never pursued a serious relationship and have only had casual sex, but at my age I would feel uncomfortable making a life goal out of casual sex. If something happens, it happens, but having it as a life goal feels adolescent to me. Becoming an old man and having nothing to talk about other than what you imagine your "accomplishments" with girls is seems unappealing even if it did when you were younger.

Sadly, most discussions about the subject devolve into people sharing merely sharing mores - some of them outdated and Victorian, and don't give a more rational explanation of the issues surrounding casual sex. I do think that social and religious views on the subject attempted to deal with the risks associated with casual sex, and the fact that pursuing it instead of a serious relationship could lead to loneliness, but that's just my two cents.


The good old days

[nyctc7]

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/42/Mike-Myers-Austin-Powers-1-.jpg

"As long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound."

[Death Proof]

https://media.tenor.com/q1ph5oY0leoAAAAM/joey-fatone-bend-over.gif

[Tugg]

Pull (as a woman):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX-KXvMrUg8

[John McClane]

casual sex? ew, i'd hate living in a city.

[Tugg]

Forever F... Boy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okr-Peoc5Mo

[Austruck]

My current view on casual sex is that it isn't sustainable, because constantly pursuing a new, temporary partner rather than having a consistent partner isn't something most people can spend their entire life doing.

I think casual sex is also based on more superficial factors such as looks than lasting relationships, and looks fade with age.

I admit I've never pursued a serious relationship and have only had casual sex, but at my age I would feel uncomfortable making a life goal out of casual sex. If something happens, it happens, but having it as a life goal feels adolescent to me. Becoming an old man and having nothing to talk about other than what you imagine your "accomplishments" with girls is seems unappealing even if it did when you were younger.

Sadly, most discussions about the subject devolve into people sharing merely sharing mores - some of them outdated and Victorian, and don't give a more rational explanation of the issues surrounding casual sex. I do think that social and religious views on the subject attempted to deal with the risks associated with casual sex, and the fact that pursuing it instead of a serious relationship could lead to loneliness, but that's just my two cents.
A guy I grew up with and went to school with lives his life this way, and he's even written a handful of books of supposedly humor stories about his lifestyle. (I proofread the first one or two and then pretty much couldn't take his misogynistic, shallow attitude anymore. It was becoming suffocating.)

He's been married once, years ago, and now lives in California with his two cats. He's 63, has no children, and is turning into a grumpy old man without realizing it. (He still assumes he's cool and hip and uber-desirable, but his viewpoint on female beauty is rapidly becoming little more than rude sexism.)

So, while he still is trying to talk himself into adoring his own lifestyle, all I see (and all his brother sees) is a sad, lonely, purposeless life.

Also, Stirchley, no, I don't think every permanent partner had to start out as a *temporary* partner. Some of us don't start that intimate stage of a relationship until we're sure we're with a permanent partner, and we make sure to seal the relationship that way. :)

[Captain Steel]

AIDS kind of put a major damper on "casual sex" back in the late 80's.

[Tugg]

Situationship Era (Not over yet):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLXhUKVd4fo

[Tugg]

The movie Daddio with Dakota Johnson is about a situationship. That's how Sean Penn new so much about her life.

[Stirchley]

Also, Stirchley, no, I don't think every permanent partner had to start out as a *temporary* partner. Some of us don't start that intimate stage of a relationship until we're sure we're with a permanent partner, and we make sure to seal the relationship that way. :)

I think you’re saying you didn’t have sex with a man until you were sure he was a “permanent partner”. I guess I always wanted to kick the tires first. :p

[iluv2viddyfilms]

Eww, eck!! Sex, gross!!! Cooties and all, bllleeeehhh!!!

Actually casual sex is bad in general with some nasty consequences morally, physically, and financially.

Most people are gross and ugly and fat and insufferable and there's too much work involved and being fake AND it's like Woody Allen says, I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone who'd sleep with me.

Actually, I've been married and with the same person for 19 years, so yeah. Also I think it's telling that the term "body count" is even in our lexicon and in an age of social media and OF fueled narcissism, and where porn is a multi billion dollar industy and the pHUB is the fourth most visited site in the world behind google, Wikipedia, and Amazon, it's more about the self than the other person these days.

It's a strange time, for sure. But I think one needs look no further than the decline of marriage and the consequences of an increasingly fatherless society to see the effects of a hook up or casual sex culture where women see men as an ATM or self esteem prop and men see women as a kleenex or bodily fluid dumpster, each one equally disposable and reusable and gross.

Nope, not good at all.

You asked.

[crumbsroom]

It's not for me. But neither is moralizing it, or ascribing character flaws to those who do.

[Stirchley]

Eww, eck!! Sex, gross!!! Cooties and all, bllleeeehhh!!!

Actually casual sex is bad in general with some nasty consequences morally, physically, and financially.

Most people are gross and ugly and fat and insufferable and there's too much work involved and being fake AND it's like Woody Allen says, I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone who'd sleep with me.

Actually, I've been married and with the same person for 19 years, so yeah. Also I think it's telling that the term "body count" is even in our lexicon and in an age of social media and OF fueled narcissism, and where porn is a multi billion dollar industy and the pHUB is the fourth most visited site in the world behind google, Wikipedia, and Amazon, it's more about the self than the other person these days.

It's a strange time, for sure. But I think one needs look no further than the decline of marriage and the consequences of an increasingly fatherless society to see the effects of a hook up or casual sex culture where women see men as an ATM or self esteem prop and men see women as a kleenex or bodily fluid dumpster, each one equally disposable and reusable and gross.

Nope, not good at all.

You asked.

I wish my husband were an ATM machine. :p

[iluv2viddyfilms]

I wish my husband were an ATM machine. :p

Lol, this made me laugh. Although ATM machines typically run empty or run off. Good husbands are in it for the long haul, through thick or thin, just like the words say and are waaaay more valuable.

[LeBoyWondeur]

I'm not married but I love casual sex with married people.

[Stirchley]

I'm not married but I love casual sex with married people.

Well, there you go!

[doubledenim]

It's not for me. But neither is moralizing it, or ascribing character flaws to those who do.

Somebody beat me to it and said it better than I would. Well done.

Haven’t seen the study about animals and sex and how it affects their psychology, but I don’t think they know guilt or shame or any issues that people suffer. I could be wrong.

[crumbsroom]

Somebody beat me to it and said it better than I would. Well done.

Haven’t seen the study about animals and sex and how it affects their psychology, but I don’t think they know guilt or shame or any issues that people suffer. I could be wrong.



Of course animals are chill about it. It's almost like we could learn something from them, instead of constantly contorting ourselves out of shape pretending we arent also a part of the natural world.

[AgrippinaX]

This topic was largely why I deleted Reddit. I’m socially conservative, more so than people would think, and (as far as I know) deeply asexual, so that gives a sense of how I feel about this. I am a little bit fed up with the pornification of everything. It’s so depressing.

All talk of normalising or stigmatising this and that has always seemed a bit ridiculous to me; people will do what they will and nothing will stop them. I don’t have any problem whatsoever with others knocking themselves out having casual sex as long as I’m not expected to partake in it and as long as I get to protect myself from STDs in ways I choose. Casual sex suits some people just fine, and good for them.

But yeah, I don’t know. When I was a kid, I thought it’d be different, ironically, but as an adult who’s been through a lot, sex for me has ended up being unimportant in life and kind of a nuisance. As such, I’m naturally not fond of people who prioritise it as that puts pressure on me and takes me away from all the other things I’d rather be doing. I find the current oversexed culture (people will try to tell me it’s not any more oversexed than at any other time in history, but oh, please) exhausting, and casual sex is just an extension of that.

It’s everywhere, the porn, the revolting romantasy crap that’s bastardising literature and gets Bloomberg articles written about it as the next big commercial thing. As I work in a media-adjacent sector and media is a big part of my life, it’s darkly amusing to see all these indignant articles about Hannah Neeleman and the tradwife influencers, but what did people expect to happen? It’s a natural backlash. I became a staunch antifeminist after being sent to a very feminist all-girls public school largely by accident, and it never wore off.

Right now I’m quite convinced I’ll be single for the rest of my life. That’s fine, I probably couldn’t handle the social aspect of it all anyway. (I did end my last relationship). It’s all just so unpleasant nowadays, the casual sex most of all but all the rest of it, too. But you do you, as they say, and all that. I’m anti-abortion, too, and while everyone else can do as they please, that’s also not a position that’s remotely compatible with casual sex in any context, even as a one-off.

Even some comments above about it are baffling to me. I’ve read enough psychoanalysis literature in my life, but perplexed why people always bring ‘guilt or shame’ into this discussion. One can dislike sex, casual or otherwise, or just find the idea very ‘meh’ without feeling much guilt or shame.

For those who bring up animals: most animal sex is rape of females. Female animals largely don’t have sex long enough to experience orgasm, assuming they can. None of that stuff even factors into their everyday reality:

https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/are-we-the-only-species-with-females-that-experience-orgasm

OP laments a lack of ‘rational explanation of the issues surrounding casual sex’, but what does that mean? Whether to engage in it or not is a personal choice for everyone, that’s all. It doesn’t need to be defended. This attitude often extends to specific sexual practices nowadays among the sex-positive cohort, where if you say no to something, the implicit answer is ‘Why not?’. All very strange.

[AgrippinaX]

While I physically recoil at the idea of having to care about the emotions of multiple people…

God, yes to this. I could (could I?) barely handle one person.

My favorite ever comment about casual sex is from an acquaintance who split up with her wife and had a couple of "rebound" parnters. She noted that the major downside is that if you sleep around in your local lesbian community, you'll have to see them all again face-to-face when the women's soccer league season begins.

This is hilarious and very fair.