View Full Version : What Makes a Person Likable?
r3port3r66
11-24-03, 04:15 PM
Have you ever thought about why you don't like someone? What makes a person unlikable?
I have a good friend that I've known for many years. He's intelligent and successful, but doesn't have many friends. I wonder why. He tells me that nobody likes him at work because he questions authority. But questioning authority is what makes America free isn't it? And how else are you supposed to succeed in life if you don't question authority? Many of our greatest minds have questioned the way things are done and have become some of our greatest innovators and leaders. Still he can't tell me why people don't like him.
I'm thinking that each individual that one meets in life is first sized-up, then every little piece of information that is collected is then set forth to construct reasons why we should or should not like that person. For instance have you ever had a friend that you liked but others tended not to? Or have you ever had 2 friends that have never met each other, but you know that they wouldn't get along if they did?
So the questions I put to you are: What makes a person likable or unlikable in your eyes? Also, how do you feel if someone doesn't like you? Aren't you curious as to why someone doesn't think your the greatest? And what likable quality do you look for in a person you might want to get to know better?
What are some things that tend to make you not like a person?
Sexy Celebrity
11-24-03, 04:37 PM
But questioning authority is what makes America free isn't it?
America may be all about freedom, but Earth is all about conformity.
Piddzilla
11-24-03, 05:01 PM
I have a friend that acts in the exact same ways towards me that he did when we first met several years ago. When he meets new people and starts chatting he acts in the exact same way towards them that he does towards me and his other friends. (Not that he treats them like best friends, but his attitude is the same). When he asks questions he is genuinely interested and not just being polite. There are persons that know how to please other people and how to make them like them but that really don't care, but there are always someone who sees through this and dislikes that person. I personally hate that kind of people. This friend of mine though... I have never heard anyone say a bad word about him. Never ever. On the contrary I've heard only good about him, which he deservs. He is always himself and has only one side of himself to show to others.
Then there was this other guy I "knew" once. He was what I would call socially handicapped - he totally lacked the ability to socialize with other people. He was loud when he was speaking, he loved to brag about his own accomplishments - which weren't that impressive to start with, he laughed when others made errors in school, he couldn't handle alcohol, his attempts to hit on girls were more like he tried to wrestle them and his almost aggressive approach scared most of them away and pissed the rest of them off, his jokes were crap and badly timed, he didn't sense when he hurt someone or started to piss someone off and when it was time to back off a bit, he tried to master the teachers in school - even when he was dead wrong, he interupted everybody, he laughed at others' oral presentations in school while his own were extremely bad. And... he wasn't good looking. If someone is good looking it seems like there is always a possibility that you'll get away with anything - no matter how big of an ass you really are. If you are not good looking and has a personality like this guy had - then there's no hope, of course.
One time when all the students (this was during a class I took) were out partying this guy was really drunk. He told me that he knew that I hated him and that everybody else hated him too, but that he couldn't help it. That was just how he was and that he didn't know any other way to be. That was one of the saddest experiences of my life, hearing that guy say that. What he said was true. Everybody, including me, hated him, but of course I didn't tell him that. But I tried to talk to him about how he should try to tone down some of his manners... I don't remember where the discussion led and I don't know what happened to him. But I will never forget when he said that... He was an ******* because that was the only thing he knew.
America may be all about freedom, but Earth is all about conformity.
Now that is a most bizarre, even unlikeable, statement. :p Is America not part of the Earth? ;)
There we go - i guess sometimes dislike is something that springs on us immediately. We're not always sure why. The fact that hate can turn to love (at least, it's fact in many Romcoms ;)) perhaps shows it's not a very logical decision in the first place. I think some reasons for immediate dislike are: envy and clear-opposite-tendancies (a talker with someone shy etc) - but i also wonder about the role of similarity. I think i've disliked people in the past coz they were displaying a tendancy that i find within myself, and that i was disapproving of at the time. It's very easy to externalise that sort of thing i think.
Strangers in britland often find it remarkably easy to be disliked ;) - we seem to have some big thing about people not being demonstrative, or strongly opinionated, when we first meet them (unless they're very charismatic with it - and then we'll probably just cuss 'em behind their back ;). I think basically we don't believe any first-images that people try to present. Something like that).
Anways, i think Sexy's right that people who differ will be ostracised. There's group-acceptance, and individual-acceptance after-all. And god knows the conformity instinct is very strong (around 80% of people tested in the 60s were prepared to electrocute an individual if others were prepared to too! About 60% of another group did it just if the instructor instructed them too! And all for a paltry sum of money. Thank god the electricutionee was an actor ;))
r3port3r66
11-24-03, 05:13 PM
And... he wasn't good looking. If someone is good looking it seems like there is always a possibility that you'll get away with anything - no matter how big of an ass you really are. If you are not good looking and has a personality like this guy had - then there's no hope, of course.
It is very interesting that you mention this point Piddy. I agree with you. I sometimes wonder if a person who is not "good looking" tries to overcompensate for what can only be described a an "I don't care attitude". Whatever reason this may or may not be true is a good question to ask, but there is no denying that it is true.
Sexy Celebrity
11-24-03, 05:21 PM
It is very interesting that you mention this point Piddy. I agree with you. I sometimes wonder if a person who is not "good looking" tries to overcompensate for what can only be described a an "I don't care attitude". Whatever reason this may or may not be true is a good question to ask, but there is no denying that it is true.
No, attitude always comes before looks. Attitude makes the look.
r3port3r66
11-24-03, 05:25 PM
I think i've disliked people in the past coz they were displaying a tendancy that i find within myself, and that i was disapproving of at the time. It's very easy to externalise that sort of thing i think.
Another fine point here. Yes, I agree with that too. There is no greater feared response than that of the question asked, "What do you really think of me?". Because we all have something we don't like about ourselves. We know it exists, some personality trait that makes us talk too much, laugh at injury or judge someone on the spot. But to have that acknowledged even as we look into the mirror, or God forbid, by someone else--even notice it in someone else-- is a judgement we reverse back onto ourselves. Perhaps not liking somebody, for whatever reason, gives us a true insight to what we really dislike about ourselves.
LordSlaytan
11-24-03, 05:28 PM
I don't like people who act like they can treat you anyway they please, then when you stand up, they cry for reinforcements.
I don't like people who are smug and/or arrogant.
I don't like people that need to touch you while they speak.
I don't like people who judge others without knowing their story. Assumption is irritating.
I don't like people who talk endlessly and laugh loudly at their own lame jokes.
I don't like people who dislike someone because they're ugly/fat/loony.
I don't like people who put others down to make themselves feel superior.
I don't like wimps who talk tough and flinch.
I don't like people who can't be a gentleman or a lady.
I don't like people who love crappy movies. ;D
I don't like plastic people.
I don't like people who mistreat their loves and children.
I don't like people that laugh when children or animals ar hurt.
I don't like people who remind me of my own faults by displaying them to my face unwittingly. I've been guilty of nearly all of those faults I've listed above, though I try to not allow myself to do them. When someone exhibits these faults, I can sometimes get angey with them, but I try not to do anything other than not get near them.
I do like compassionate, caring, and sincere people, regardless of race, creed, or beauty.
Sexy Celebrity
11-24-03, 05:37 PM
I don't like people who can't be a gentleman or a lady.
So you're prejudice against eunuchs?
r3port3r66
11-24-03, 05:45 PM
No, attitude always comes before looks. Attitude makes the look.
Do you think your attitude makes you more likable to others? Do you think of yourself as "good looking"?
Also, Slay by example has made another point to me. A person who is truly honest will eventually be judged by that honesty, when honesty is supposed to be a virtue. I like honest people, but some people can take said honesty and use it as a weapon. I think honesty is a great quality to have in being liked, but trust is even better. And even though I've never "seen" Slay, I like him, and for some odd reason, even though I've never met him, I feel as though I might be able to trust him.
Piddzilla
11-24-03, 05:46 PM
So you're prejudice against eunuchs?
:rotfl: :D
Black waves pounded the crimson shores of Drakkon Keep. A lone figure stood upon the crumbling cliffs of the distant isle; a hooded cloak covered his face just as a cloak of darkness covered his soul. An enormous storm approched from the North, bringing with it a wind that made his teeth chatter from fear as well as cold. A strong gust blew salty mist from the top of a huge cresting wave, cooling his fevered face and mixing it with the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. Licking his lips he tasted the bitterness of hate, of fear, of banishment. All he wanted in life was to be liked; he had failed and now was doomed to walk this isle of exhile. He knew he had tried to hard and lost himself in doing so. The storm was coming, he ws ready.
LordSlaytan
11-24-03, 05:58 PM
Black waves pounded the crimson shores of Drakkon Keep. A lone figure stood upon the crumbling cliffs of the distant isle; a hooded cloak covered his face just as a cloak of darkness covered his soul. An enormous storm approched from the North, bringing with it a wind that made his teeth chatter from fear as well as cold. A strong gust blew salty mist from the top of a huge cresting wave, cooling his fevered face and mixing it with the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. Licking his lips he tasted the bitterness of hate, of fear, of banishment. All he wanted in life was to be liked; he had failed and now was doomed to walk this isle of exhile. He knew he had tried to hard and lost himself in doing so. The storm was coming, he ws ready.
That's nice, but what's your point? :confused:
So you're prejudice against eunuchs?
What does the lack of gonads have to do with being a gentleman or a lady?
I think that likes and dislikes are a personal thing.
Personally, I like people who are sincere and honest, not shallow or superficial or hypocritical. I like people who are sympathetic and non-judgmental, not cruel or sadistic or downright malicious or malevolent. I like people who have an upbeat, positive, optimistic frame of mind. I like people who try and dwell on the positive aspects or dimensions of life. I like people who are genuine and caring. Frankly, I'm typically suspicious of people who are universally well-liked, because it seems to me that they might be people-pleasers without an honest opinion of their own. I also dislike people who are so insecure that they feel the need to bad-mouth people they perceive to be threatening or run them down or assassinate their character. And, finally, I dislike people who lack personality or individuality or character, and especially, people who play to the mob.
To summarize, I guess, I like people with integrity and personality.
America may be all about freedom, but Earth is all about conformity.
Nice quote. Especially Russia, China and Germany...
r3port3r66
11-24-03, 06:28 PM
How did I know that Django would find this thread and post in it. But, I'm glad he did. He is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Django, dare I say it, is not "liked" here. But, there are certainly people outside this forum that enjoy his company (and not just the California hotties he reminds us about).
You must have friends Django, perhaps a few, perhaps alot. There are probably some people you don't like. Can you respect other's reasons for not liking you and move on, or do you need to address those issues in defense of yourself because you feel such judgements are not valid, when in reality they might be?
Hey, reporter. Frankly, I don't bear any grudges against anyone in here. The way I look at it is that if I have to persuade or convince someone to like me, I've already lost. I'm not a politician--I am myself. I don't go out of my way to encourage people to like me, not because I don't care, but because I see that as somewhat shallow and superficial. Basically, I am myself, and if you like me, great. If not, too bad! I have my share of friends, and I'm happy with that!
That's nice, but what's your point? :confused:
It is an excerpt. Dont try too hard to be liked. If you are not liked for who you are, and want to change then dont pretend to be someone you are not, become that person. Otherwise your lies will catch up to you and you will be shunned.
LordSlaytan
11-24-03, 07:27 PM
It is an excerpt. Dont try too hard to be liked. If you are not liked for who you are, and want to change then dont pretend to be someone you are not, become that person. Otherwise your lies will catch up to you and you will be shunned.
Oh, I thought it was another original from you. I like pretending, this week I am a pretty ballerina in a pink tu-tu with little white lace frilly things.
Oh, I thought it was another original from you. I like pretending, this week I am a pretty ballerina in a pink tu-tu with little white lace frilly things.
It is original, from a story I wrote long ago, this thread reminded me of it.
Sorry I dont like mentioning things that are my own work usually, If it is something that is liked I feel like I am gloating. Here is a hint however to any of my posts. I never ,intentionally anyway, use anothers work without giving credit.
Hondo333
11-24-03, 10:14 PM
So you're prejudice against eunuchs?
I don't like plastic people
And Manikins
Sexy Celebrity
11-25-03, 10:06 AM
And Manikins
That is a shame. We must get Slay used to some.
http://www.fashionwindows.com/mannequin_companies/decter/male/decter_male01.jpg
Slay, I'd like you to meet Tony and Angelo. They're old friends.
http://www.fashionwindows.com/mannequin_gallery/week19/mannequins1904.jpg
Slay, this is Shervanda. I think you two will get along great. :randy:
Sidewinder
11-25-03, 07:57 PM
What Makes a Person Likable? A sense of humour, I dont care about a lot of things but a good sense of humour is essential :D
sunfrog
11-25-03, 10:22 PM
Cleavage
Cleavage
Darn leaves me out, ummmmmmm does a red neck count?
To me, for a person to be liked, they must have these qualities:
1. Respect
2. Honesty
3. Caring
4. Fun to hang with
5. Have good taste (or close to it) of movies
6. Good sense of humor
I despise:
1. Lateness
2. Rudeness (especially talking behind my back)
3. Racists
4. Immaturity
5. Mistreatment of women and mishandling of children .
Oops, i'm a rude late person, we wouldn't get on J ;)
There's so many weird issues with this stuff. I was thinking about the friends thing - like how we all often end up with different groups of mates who wouldn't/don't like each other. I was wondering whether it's because of similarity of perspective that we align ourselves with different people? But i don't think it's that simple. All of my best mates do line up with me on a lot of fundamental stuff, but we're also mates coz we argue massively about other fundamental stuff too, and learn from those arguments. However, it's the varying fundamental disagreements that seem to form the probs - like the time a very activist friend found out about another friend of mine who does brain experiments on gerbils. Man that was a tricky one. We had to stop him donning his balaclava and setting off for some righteous-animal-freeing then and there ;). Those two definitely can't share a room.
But more often than not you see polarised groups at parties that have classic distinctions like: the rowdy-drinky/sporty-crowd, the like-minded-talky-crowd, the work-related friends etc. I'm just wondering how much we live out different lives with different people - only presenting part of ourselves to each group. Now i know that the guys i play football with are never gonna get on well with my put-the-world-to-rights mates - at least, not as groups. As individuals, possibly, but they'd never be natural mates. I also know that i'm much more straight-forward/cruel-joking/verbally-"robust" with the footy lot (just extentions of how we play ;)), and more verbally-animated/personality-"sensitive" with my "Green" mates etc - but i think this is just being allowed to express fully different preferences/modes-of-being. (for me footy is more about the fun of physical action than the scintillating conversation anyway ;) :rolleyes: ) [Incidently, my greeny mates do play football too, but badly - occasionally opting out of "headers" and other vital things to save neurons ;) :rolleyes: - still, they're the ones i feel i'm free to be "myself" most with]
Jrs - have you never liked someone despite them lacking some of your criteria? Maybe you have some humourless friends who are very caring - or rude ones that still care, and can make people laugh? Do you find they polarise into different friendship groups? How much are you prepared to put up with "unlikeable" aspects in friends?
Anyways, very complex thing "preference" - why do you prefer your right hand? Why dislike someone on first meeting before we even know anything about what they believe or do with their life? Quick judgement calls, squalls of bodies and body language awash around us, the need to communicate your core tenets with a blunderbuss? Who knows. I think SC was onto something with the way-you-carry-yourself thing. I'm pretty sure "positive" people band together too etc - but i'm also sure we're all good at spotting many types of fakery. Either way, i think we're all probably wrong when we immediately judge someone. It takes time to learn if you can really hate or love 'em :)
Essay ends. ;)
sunfrog
11-26-03, 02:06 PM
For a person to be liked they need only ONE of these qualities:
1. Cleavage
2. Funny
3. A posh accent
4. Must NOT perform brain experiments on gerbils
5. Be friendly to you
6. Have an endearing quality, like fear of cabbage
7. Remain humble eventho she is a billionaire, like Oprah
8. Laugh and fall down a lot, like Julia Roberts
9. Wear a funny animal costume to work
10. Be good at baking pies
Jrs - have you never liked someone despite them lacking some of your criteria? Maybe you have some humourless friends who are very caring - or rude ones that still care, and can make people laugh? Do you find they polarise into different friendship groups? How much are you prepared to put up with "unlikeable" aspects in friends?
Golgot, everyone has to have at least some form of humor within them. If they are rude at all to me as a person....gthey don't deserve to be my friend.
I do agree that they would break up into their specific groups, whose own likings would satisfy one another.
Would i be prepared??? If one comes up to me yeah. But i am prepared to tell them how I feel as well.
sunfrog
11-27-03, 01:09 AM
11. If they leave you the last piece of pumpkin pie
12. If they have their own tv show
13. If they only give you a warning instead of a ticket
14. If they never use the word non-traditional to describe anything
11. If they leave you the last piece of pumpkin pie
12. If they have their own tv show
13. If they only give you a warning instead of a ticket
14. If they never use the word non-traditional to describe anything
Thats such a "nontradtional' expectation........
um....................DOH!!
Aperson just needs to be kind, if they have a good kind heart then all the things that people mentioned with follow on, except cleavage :eek:
so Sunfrog this is for you. ;D
http://www.tekfx.net/portpieces/breasts.jpg
sunfrog
11-27-03, 01:45 PM
Thats such a "nontradtional' expectation........
At least you're not having a non-traditional Thanksgiving or cooking your turkey in a non-traditional way. :p
To Nebbit,
Woohoo! I like you already! :love: :love:
To Nebbit,
Woohoo! I like you already! :love: :love:
Glad you like them, they are very close to what mine look like :nope:
r3port3r66
11-28-03, 01:20 AM
Glad you like them, they are very close to what mine look like :nope:
"they..." ? I thought cleavage was singular....
"they..." ? I thought cleavage was singular....
By They I was referring to the breasts. :D
LordSlaytan
11-28-03, 01:46 AM
Well, I like you anyway Nibbles, hot **** or not. :yup:
r3port3r66
11-28-03, 01:50 AM
Well, I like you anyway Nibbles, hot **** or not. :yup:
Me too Nebs!
Slay, "hot ****"..Slay...
Jackie Malfoy
12-05-03, 08:54 PM
I think that what make someone lover is that they are always kind to people who are not kind to them they don't let anything brother them and they are
That is what I think makes someone loveable my friend Claudia is like that and that is why we love her!Among other things acouse!
See you around!JM :)
jamesglewisf
12-06-03, 11:11 AM
First, questioning authority is not what makes you free. The truth will set you free. If by questioning authority you mean comparing everything you hear to truth, regardless of who says it, then I'd agree with you.
Second, most people who don't have many friends don't have them because the traits they portray as admirable most other people don't admire. For instance, your friend probably likes to portray himself as someone who questions authority. It sounds very altruistic and romantic. The problem is that other people might see him as opinionated and overbearing. If I know that saying, "The sky is blue," means that I'm going to have an argument with someone who will correct me and tell me, "No, the sky is azure," then I probably won't want to be around him. Most people don't enjoy someone who likes to argue for the sake of arguing. You can't ever get a sense of who that person is. The only thing predictable about him is that he will disagree with whatever you say.
A lot of people like to take being disrespectful and call it "questioning authority" because it takes the focus off of their rude behavior and puts the focus on the person they are being rude to.
Oftentimes "always questions authority" is just a different way of saying, "always complaining about the people around me." Most people don't really enjoy that much either.
jamesglewisf
12-06-03, 11:22 AM
I used to have this young guy who worked for me. Every time he was behaving inappropriately, I just assumed that he was young and needed direction.
He would upset someone at the company, and he always claimed that he didn't do anything wrong. His manager usually took his side and backed him up.
In his free time, this guy was a part-time youth minister at his church. I had to repeatedly talk to him about not being disrespectful to women at the office. He would get caught doing something wrong, like trying to get into areas on our AS/400 where he wasn't supposed to be, and he would lie to cover it up.
Slowly, he was alienating himself from most of the people at the company, but his manager always thought he was being mistreated. She would believe his side of the story.
One day the police showed up at the office with a warrant. He had violated his probation. Of course, we didn't know he was on probation because he lied on his application for employment. It really shattered his manager. She had tried so hard to believe in him, and all of the sudden she realized that he had probably been lying about most every situation where he got into trouble.
He was an example of someone who was always right, right up until the time the police hauled him away.
jamesglewisf
12-06-03, 11:30 AM
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Who wouldn't like a person like that? Let's see, he is patient when I don't measure up. He's kind when he talks to people. He never gets jealous of other people's accomplishments. He isn't always telling everyone how great he is. He doesn't act inappropriately in public. He stays calm when people are jumping all over him. He forgives me when I wrong him. He looks out for the interests of others. He doesn't praise bad behavior. He seeks the truth. He puts up with me, believes in me, has hope for me, and never gives up on me. I can always count on him.
jamesglewisf
12-06-03, 11:36 AM
Jrs - have you never liked someone despite them lacking some of your criteria? Maybe you have some humourless friends who are very caring - or rude ones that still care, and can make people laugh? Do you find they polarise into different friendship groups? How much are you prepared to put up with "unlikeable" aspects in friends?We all have some unlikeable aspects. If my criteria for liking people is that they are without fault, I will be very lonely. I can get along with just about anyone because my expectations for people don't exceed my ability to meet my expectations of myself.
However, I'll agree that there are some people I like to be around more than others.
We all have some unlikeable aspects. If my criteria for liking people is that they are without fault, I will be very lonely. I can get along with just about anyone because my expectations for people don't exceed my ability to meet my expectations of myself.
However, I'll agree that there are some people I like to be around more than others.
Well Jamsey, you are interesting, love your posts here, must read more. :D
Respect for others.
The Golden Rule "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."
A sense of humor. Able to laugh at oneself and take a joke.
Aperson just needs to be kind, if they have a good kind heart then all the things that people mentioned with follow on, except cleavage :eek:
so Sunfrog this is for you. ;D
http://www.tekfx.net/portpieces/breasts.jpg
So, Nebbit, if we mention another body part that we like, do we get another picture? ;D
So, Nebbit, if we mention another body part that we like, do we get another picture? ;D
I was just trying to be nice, errrrrrm this isn't the Christmas list thread. :blush:
Knoxville
12-16-03, 07:02 AM
I like people who are good natured, good humoured, honest, interesting and open-minded.
All through my 20s I would put making everyone else around me happy before my own happiness. I thought this made me happy, but it didn't. Many times a situation would arise where conflicting ideas would get in the way of me making everyone happy ( I am somewhat of a comedian sometimes). Basicalll I was living through others to get my happiness, if I saw people being happy because of something I said or did, that would make me feel good. Later I came to realize this was just a bad defense mechanism for a poor self esteem. I didn't want people to actually get to know me for fear that they wouldn't like who I really was or what I really thought. Then I figured out that true friends are people who accept you for who you are and not for what you can give them or do for them.
It was a great learning experience and I feel I have a GREAT group of friends that are all genuine, feeling people now.
Those people I used to try and impress?
They weren't that cool, and I wasted my time.
Good:
Creativity
Compassion
Backbone
Purpose
Humility
Bad:
Hate
People who give up to easily
arrogance
apathy
pretention
bad hygiene (please shower folks;))
I struggle with arrogance and pretention sometimes, as I seem to have been gifted with boatloads of artistic/musical talent. So I have to check myself everyday to make sure I am not some overbearing ******* artist, which I would hate to be.
my friends help me with this :)
_S
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