Straws are Being Banned Because They're Phallic

[Sexy Celebrity]

You heard it here first!

Straws are being banned because they're phallic.

It's like what Sigmund Freud said about the cigar being a phallic object.

So is a straw.

Straws -- like guns -- are phallic.

They're shaped like penises.

Everything's a war on masculinity these days.

Straws are being banned because they are subconsciously reminding people of penises, thus they are also subconsciously reminding people of the male sex.

Don't believe me? Turn your dirty mind on and look below.

https://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=46475&stc=1&d=1532825554

[Camo]

Uh, they are being banned because they are plastic. It's an environmental thing.

[Sexy Celebrity]

Uh, they are being banned because they are plastic. It's an environmental thing.

That's the conscious level made up excuse. The subconscious level reason is because they're another reminder of men -- they're shaped like penises, just like guns, cigarettes, everything else phallic shaped that people don't want around anymore. It's a war on men out there, I tell ya.

[Camo]

Poor men, we have it so hard! :(

[cricket]

Oh well, back to dollar bills to do my blow.

[Cobpyth]

That's the conscious level made up excuse. The subconscious level reason is because they're another reminder of men -- they're shaped like penises, just like guns, cigarettes, everything else phallic shaped that people don't want around anymore. It's a war on men out there, I tell ya.

46478

[iank]

I know this is parody, but honestly it wouldn't even surprise me if it was true these days. :D

[Sexy Celebrity]

I know this is parody, but honestly it wouldn't even surprise me if it was true these days. :D

It sounds like parody, but it's not. I'm totally serious.

[Sexy Celebrity]

Straws also have a history of being seen as effeminate, if a man uses a straw.

Gee, I wonder why that is?

Look at this man with his straw:

https://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=46480&stc=1&d=1532828015

Now do you understand why they're being outlawed?!

Whatever is truly going on -- there's some kind of deeper, psychological reason for why these straws are being banned. It's not simply because they're an environmental pest. There's more to it. Just like with guns and cigarettes.

[Swan]

Possibly banned just because they're freaky little tubes.

[chawhee]

I mean there are typically only straws in girly drinks...not beer....so.....

[Captain Spaulding]

I'm a feminist, so I started using vagina-shaped straws years ago.

[Sexy Celebrity]

I'm a feminist, so I started using vagina-shaped straws years ago.
Drinking without a straw is like drinking from the vagina. That’s what we’re moving into - the Age of Vagina Drinking.

[ynwtf]

Poor men, we have it so hard! :(

You typed "hard."
*giggles*

In a thread about wait. Wtf straws??

[Camo]

You typed "hard."

Oh no, hope the misandry cops don't ban me for this.

[Swan]

I'm a feminist, so I started using vagina-shaped straws years ago.

Drinking without a straw is like drinking from the vagina. That’s what we’re moving into - the Age of Vagina Drinking.

You guys took this thread to another level. It's is now a thread+1.