Omni's Random Video Noise [Archive] - Page 3

Omnizoa

06-29-16, 12:28 AM

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The Legend of Drunken Master

Martial Arts Action / Chinese / 1994

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessme*HIC*

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Arguably contending most heavily with the Police Story series, Jackie Chan's Drunken Master 1 & 2 (known as The Legend of Drunken Master) is one of the most popular martial arts movies out there.

What do I think? Well...

There's that whole movie part... and it just keeps getting in the way!

Save an early fight scene which is neat if not for the horrifically rubbery weapons, it takes about half of the movies runtime for us to final get some serious fighting, let alone drunken boxing.

The center of the movie suffers from an extraordinarily drawn out scene in which Chan's character, Fei-Hong is uselessly drunk, his mother lies incessantly to his father, and his father goes on a tirade over their drunkeness and lies. It goes on FOREVER even playing into an unfunny joke about her feigning pregnancy to get avoid getting hit ( ( o_O).

My general gripe with the movie is just the whole drunken boxing aspect. It means that Chan's supposed to act drunk and what that means is a whole lot of overracting which is partly funny, but mostly annoying.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26093&stc=1&d=1467170861

Once the "get out of my house" scene plays out it's mostly fight scenes with the local smugglers till the end of the movie. The Axe Gang fight and the final showdown with "John" (Ken Lo) in the mine are particular highlights.

The Axe Gang fight features the iconic moment in which Jackie fends off numerous armed opponents with a split bamboo chute and altogether just utterly destroys a house. Character, Fu Wen Chi also dies like a cartoon at the end of it.

Jackie Chan vs. Ken Lo, one about the wicked kicks and the other about the drunken boxing is undoubtedly a scene to behold especially when Jackie boozes up on... something he shouldn't be drinking and goes ****ing ******* on the dude. You kinda feel sorry for the bad guy by the end of it, he never really had a chance.

If nothing else watch those clips on Youtube or something, in fact, Here (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F85KoecJotw). You (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8LGY68ppqVk). Go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjl74IMdHo8

The rest of the movie's just boring. And it loses big points from me for Chickens, Ducks, Pheasants, SomeOtherBirds, Yak, Horses, Snakes, and even a fish getting butchered. FuuuuUUUUUUuuuuUUUUUUck off.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

gbgoodies

06-29-16, 12:37 AM

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Hook

Comedy Adventure / English / 1991

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Reorganizing my Top Ten list. Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"We gotta make him BANGARANG!"

Dogs, Pigeons, Chickens (both dead and alive), Eggs, Steak, Meat Slabs, I can totally understand someone not liking Hook. It's so filled with Cheese and... maybe I should start a new sentence.

Hook is so filled with whimsical cliches, plotholes, and basically failures to explain what the hell the rules of the world are (Why can only Peter fly? Why doesn't he need fairy dust? What's the deal with the thimbles? What the **** was up with that ending?) that it's easy to get lost in cynicism and criticize it's not semi-unconventional plot.

But that's also probably the biggest defense that could be made about the movie. It's all about AVOIDING that cynicism. It's echoed in how Peter is too involved in his job to appreciate his kids while they're young and it's further echoed by how Neverland never really opens up to him until he learns to flex that old imagination and play like a kid again.

NOW, you could criticize Robin Williams for yet again reprising his role as a manchild and you could further criticize the cast with Julia Roberts and even the child actors. AGAIN, I'm not saying they're not problematic, Dustin Hoffman is great as the eponymous scenery-chewing Captain Hook and I think Smee also gets a few great moments, but yeah, I'm not denying there are problems with this movie, I just don't think they're as bad as what... 30% on Rotten Tomatoes?

REALLY? THAT MANY PEOPLE hate this movie? Come on, did two-thirds of the audience seriously not take a hint and just try to enjoy it for what it is? The movie features a pirate baseball game where someone gets shot for stealing second base! Can't you just appreciate that!?

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26067&stc=1&d=1466982734

There are a fair number of annoying scenes, Peter scolding his kids comes off as awkward, and the third act hits a massive pocket of DEAD when Peter remembers his past and Tinkerbell comes onto him creating this extraordinarily alienating 4-way romance where...

Tinkerbell loves Peter... who loved Wendy... who loves Peter... but Wendy grew old... so Peter instantly falls in love with Wendy's daughter Moira while she's sleeping... which is just ****in' weird.

THAT PART of the movie sucks. BIG TIME.

But, for me at least, I really do go for it's message of growth. It's not simply that it sucks to grow up and anyone who grows up becomes a pirate equivalent, it's just that it's important not to let go of that childish wonder and never to forget what it is that makes you happy, as being a father is to Peter.

It can be easy to forget why you put your nose to the grindstone everyday when your kids are causing trouble, it's just gonna happen and one of the worst things you can do is forget what it was like to be them.

Ironically despite Spielberg defending the movie, he's since gone on to say he dislikes it, even saying if he could have he'd have done it all on a digital stage. Damn, not even Spielberg remembers what it was all about.

Beyond all that, I just think it's a fun movie. There's some really funny and memorable scenes and John Williams' score is naturally excellent.

It's one of those "to be a kid again" movies like The Goonies. It doesn't make a tremendous amount of sense, but it's a ride nonetheless.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

I think Hook is better than it's 30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but IMDB has it a bit high at a 6.7 rating. I like Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman, and I love Spielberg, but this was not a good movie. :(

gbgoodies

06-29-16, 12:45 AM

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The Dark Knight

Superhero Action Drama / English / 2008

Everything that's been said good about this movie is spot on, Heath Ledger as the Joker makes this movie, but unfortunately, if you take him out, what more are you left with?

Christian Bale isn't as appealingly idealic as in Batman Begins and he just comes across as silly much of the time, especially with the tryhard voice combined with a mask with brows just a little too furrowed, you know?

Altogether it's a fine movie, no doubt, but I think the magic has worn off. Joker's cool, would watch his scenes any time, but the rest? Ehh... I could take it or leave it.

These statements pretty much sum up the movie for me. I think Heath Ledger is by far the best part of the movie, but even he's not enough to make this movie as good as people say it is, and Christian Bale is highly overrated as Batman, and what he does with his voice is extremely annoying.

Omnizoa

06-29-16, 02:03 AM

I think Hook is better than it's 30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but IMDB has it a bit high at a 6.7 rating. I like Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman, and I love Spielberg, but this was not a good movie.
I guess I just really dug the tone and characters of the movie. I've always preferred Jurassic Park and Hook over E.T. or Close Encounters.

Omnizoa

06-29-16, 09:08 PM

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Tom-Yum-Goong

Martial Arts Action / Thai / 2005

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessment Time yet again.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Contending for one of the greatest martial arts movies of all time, Tony Jaa's The Protector (or more appropriately titled "The Attacker" or "Tom-Yum-Goong" after the restaurant that is central to the movie) has nearly all the qualities you could want in one.

You got a warehouse fight against skate and bicycle enthusiasts, you got a rapid-fire showdown against a swordsman, MMA fighter, and a capoeira specialist (bonus points for that one :up:), you got a scene in which the main character singlehandedly cripples a room full of some 50 guys (a lot of bone-breaking sound effects followed shortly by a lot of tendon-cutting that's... kinda hard to watch), and best of all you got a 4+ minute long-take of Tony Jaa just storming a several story restaurant, throwing people off balconies, kicking them down stairs, putting people's heads through walls, glass, and vases, all culminating in the movie's first serious one-on-one fights which are also quite entertaining.

The fighting itself isn't anywhere near as complex as what you'd get with Jackie Chan, but it's suitably brutal when it's not flubbing mock punches.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/capoeira.gif

There's a crappy CG historical flashback scene and a couple obvious composite shots, but the between-action scenes are mercifully brisk and just barely rationalize some sort of police corruption plot.

UNFORTUNATELY, this is where the other shoe drops because if you know anything about the plot already it's that the movie's basically "Dude, Where's My Elephant?".

Our character supposedly "cares" for elephants insofar as you can care for a creature you've specifically bred for war, and they get stolen by a crime syndicate who, in a morbid revelation, are revealing to be running a black market restaurant that sells dishes made of exotic and endangered animals. SO NOT ONLY do we have several Elephants in the movie, but we also have Monkeys, Turtles, Bats, Snakes, Pangolins, CG Scorpions, and probably other sorry critters I couldn't make out.

NNNNNO.

NNNNNO.

NNNNNNNNNNO.

If the animals were all CG (as in good CG) and the elephants weren't specifically war elephants, I could forgive it, but NOT HERE.

Way to ruin a good thing.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

07-01-16, 12:13 PM

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Azumi

Action / Japanese / 2003

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

It's been on my watchlist for a long time, let's check it out.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"An assassin is unable to choose whom to kill.
Depending on your mission, sometimes you must kill a child..."

Fish, Fishing, Horses.

Come, my children, grab a mat and sit as your lecherous old grandpa tells you the tale of a young girl and her story...

It all begins with a MAN. A stupid old man who having seen too many battles vows to create a team of assassins for the purpose of killing warlords so as to prevent war from ever happening again.

He collects 10 orphans, among which is Token Girl, Azumi, and raises them to be assassins. He then demands that they pair up with the one they like most and kill them. Because to stop killing... you must KILL.

He and the 5 then venture off on their undisclosed mission to kill all warlords. They encounter a bandit raid and he graces upon them, with his wealth of wisdom, the words, "killing bandits won't change a nation". Perfectly true, to stop war the only path is murder, and the only path to murder is apathy, so next time you see somebody in trouble, DON'T interfere. Even if it's a slaughter you could easily prevent, do nothing. Only then will atrocities like this be stopped.

Azumi comes upon a seemingly kind man and kills him and his entire party. YES, that is more war prevented. The death of the man reaches the ears of his superior who immediately suspects a blameless foreign power and plans for war. When Azumi and co. find and kill his body double, he sends out a most respected group of assassins to assassinate the assassins. They immediately find unarmed traveling performers and chase them down despite the fact that they don't match the description and there are "too many girls and not enough men".

Azumi and co. manage to only save one girl who is privileged to watch her forced love interest die at the hands of an Evil Bishie. Azumi wishes to avenge him, but the girl insists that "girls don't talk like that" and "somebody else can do it, it doesn't have to be you". Mmmm yes, sexism and cowardice do make for the most compelling drama.

So too, incidentally, does blood geysers. Did you know this was based on a manga? It's an excellent manga. Imagine if they retroactively applied blood geysers to the manga...

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26103&stc=1&d=1467385917

There's also an unnatractive ninja named "Monkey" who is dubbed with monkey noises. Surely a merit no movie should be without.

Sadly, no amount of lesbian undertones and rape can sheathe Azumi's sword and she soon rejoins the fight to bring down the one-and-only warlord of any concern: the one they specifically antagonized.

When she arrives at the Big Bad's fort she witnesses her Master, crucified and slit across the throat followed by Evil Bishie's provocation "you must come or he'll die". NO MORE EPIC A CHALLENGE HAS EVER BEEN SPOKEN, to think that her Master, who forced her to kill her friends, who abandoned civilians to be raped and murdered, who instigated a war, and is now bleeding from a mortal wound...
MIGHT DIE.

Such an affront shall not stand. Azumi takes their entire army on almost single-handedly with the help of no less than masterfully inconsistent continuity and exquisitely transparent wire-fu.

The bad guys, who have thus far done nothing wrong, even TURN ON EACH OTHER thanks to their archers' and gunmens' Stormtrooper Shooting Lessons. Evil Bishie even kills several of his own in a blood frenzy before pulling a rose out of his ass and getting decapitated in gloriously computer-generated fashion... but not before Hideo Kojima grabs his balls.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26105&stc=1&d=1467385963
I'm ****ing serious.

With everyone else inexplicably dead (even though I'm pretty sure some of them were only kicked to the ground), Azumi approaches her Master who's still inexplicably alive. He tells her the most emotionally damning words in any movie I've yet seen:

"It's over."

I can already tell those two words have brought you to tears. After losing all of her friends and her Master, after she stood by and watched as countless pedestrians suffered extremely preventable deaths, and now after personally slaughtering an entire army of people who've never wronged her... it's finally over. It's all over.

Everyone's dead.

Except for the one guy they were trying to kill who's gonna start a war, he escaped on a boat, but EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAD.

Azumi weeps for her master before we cut to the Big Bad, in the middle of the ocean, having an extremely conspicuous Villain Laugh. Azumi appears, bone-dry, over the side of the boat and slays him, escaping back out into the water with no sign of any boats for her to have gotten there in the first place with.

Sudden jumpcut back to the fort, still full of corpses and in her old dry clothes, she discovers one of her friends inexplicably survived a point-blank explosion and swears to him that she will continue her senseless murderous rampage for peace... IN THE SEQUEL.

And so, children, that was the story of Azumi, a nubile and strangely attractive young girl with no personality or drive to question her elders. And in that spirit I have a game I would like to play with you... it's lots of fun, I promise. Grandpa's going to touch you somewhere and you can't tell Mommy, okay?

Final Verdict: rating_1 [Irredeemably Awful]

Omnizoa

07-01-16, 12:15 PM

And THAT... makes 100 tagged reviews. Yay.

Omnizoa

07-01-16, 05:12 PM

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The Man From Nowhere

Action Drama / Korean / 2010

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Supposedly a Korean mix of gunplay and martial arts. Sounds good.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Now I'm warning you, stop hanging around my kid. I'll kill you if you touch her. I don't care what sick **** you're into, but don't **** with children. I'll cut your balls off. If you're that hard-up why not ask me out? You're actually kinda hot. I certainly wouldn't say no~. You pussy."

I swear I nearly quit right there.

Sausage, Dogs, The Man From Nowhere is as wildly mislabeled as a martial arts movie as it is wildly underwhelming.

Save a pretty bad opening 20 minutes and a pretty good ending 20 minutes, it's all around dull. Certainly more emotionally charged and more narratively straightforward than your average action thriller it still fails to develop more than one or two characters out of the dozens of recurring cast members.

Even as an action movie there's very little action to be had, just tension. VERY MILD tension. The end showcases a noteworthy one-v-all knife fight in which our main character grapples and severs ligaments with a unpleasant efficiency, and for the most part he's pretty cool in the few action scenes he's in, but again these scenes are very brief and often suffer from quick-cut shaky cam or simply having him beat up people off-screen.

The drama itself is nothing special either, he's just a stock brooding ex-black ops who lost his wife in a hit on his life blahblahblah and he finds a connection with a neighbor girl who gets kidnapped for drugs and pushed into the organ trade... eh... There's a couple moments of genuine emotion, but it's mostly emotionless blathering back and forth from plot beat to plot beat.

I think the most impressive thing about the movie is probably a single seamless camera shot which follows our hero behind the back out of a second story window to the ground without faltering. It didn't look like a hand cam or a steady cam so... props. I dunno how you did that but it was neat.

Otherwise though, if you're looking for something exceptional, search elsewhere. This is most certainly not worth your time.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

cricket

07-01-16, 09:18 PM

You seem to be watching so many that I can't keep up. You keeping track of totals?

Too bad you didn't like Man from Nowhere more; it's on my watchlist.

Omnizoa

07-01-16, 11:21 PM

You seem to be watching so many that I can't keep up. You keeping track of totals?
Not quite as closely as I'd prefer. I had a list, but I keep forgetting to update it.

Omnizoa

07-02-16, 01:25 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26116&stc=1&d=1467476498

Gorgeous

Martial Arts Romantic Comedy / Chinese / 1999

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

One of the first Jackie Chan movies that come to mind (which I originally watched thanks to AVGN's video (http://cinemassacre.com/2008/05/06/top-ten-jackie-chan-fights/)). Reassessment Time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Be careful, one day you'll meet the right girl and you won't know who she is."

What the **** does that mean? How is she the right girl if you don't even know her, UGH!? *aneurysm*

Fish, Oysters, Dolphins, Chicken, "Love", and Kissing.

So WHAT HAPPENS when Jackie Chan stars in, writes, and produces a movie? You get Gorgeous. A bizarre little romcom a with smattering of martial arts straight down the middle.

So how does this play out? Well, then 45-year-old Jackie Chan plays a rich stock investor/boxer bachelor (jesus) who conveniently finds himself pestered by his servants to "find a girl" at precisely the exact same time that then 23-year-old Shu Qi plays a much younger girl craving romance.

Naturally when Chan is jumped by an old friend of his who sends goons to kill him over what we eventually come to learn is over nothing more than a styrofoam business, because it's "bad for the environment" (what!?), Qi runs away from home to save Chan, gets stranded on an island with him, develops some whimsical-as-**** chemistry while the audience ponders in the back of their head, <her parents must be worried sick>.

There's a whole lot of romcommy shtick including a flamboyant gay man played by Tony Leung (the undercover cop in Hard Boiled) and hijinks resulting from Chan's friend's goons whose cookiness is played for laughs.

The chemistry between Jackie and Shu is surprisingly good at first, but it quickly devolves from 'chemistry' to 'creepy' with lines from him like "I enjoy watching you eat." to which she reciprocates, justifying her affection with lines like "He likes girls and he's successful.".

Heheheheheheheheheheee... You know who ELSE fits that description?
NORMAN BATEMAN.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/gorg2.gif

It has all the predictable bits: the chance encounter, the false date, the friends talking her down, the ACTUAL letdown- and let me tell you, this scene is just ****in' terrible.

You knew it all along didn't you?Mmhm. :)You lied, huh?You started it. :)When we were together you loved me so I loved you back. Was that a lie too or was that real?:| Well... our happiness was real. So if you like Hong Kong, why don't you stay here? :)So why am I here?
:|So I could just be one of your girls?:(The note in the bottle said to go to Hong Kong right away, and I thought this fairy tale was REAL.
Drive a stake in my heart why donchya?

No, seriously. Kill me now, this dialog is horrendous.

And you know what may be the worst part about? That scene takes place in an assembly line factory and THERE ISN'T A FIGHT SCENE.

There are about 4 fight scenes in the movie.

One on the boat which uses Chan's jacket as a prop.

One out in an alley which does some sick things with baseball bats.

And then there's the initial loss and rematch between Chan and... Brad Allen's character.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/gorg1.gif

Brad is just some guy on Chan's stunt team (he's actually the team leader), but his appearance as the main antagonist to Chan is great. He's humorously introduced in a manner which suggests he'll defeat Chan by being bigger than him (because those giant foreign people you know?), but the joke is he's actually quite a good head or so shorter than him. Chan doesn't take him seriously and that's when Brad just turns on badass mode and goes "You don't have a choice", ultimately whooping Chan's ass.

After Chan's unspoken breakup and depression he opts to get out of his funk which a rematch against Brad which is an excellent example of how you can make an awesome one-on-one fight scene with virtually no props at all. There's also no narrative stakes in this fight either, it's just a friendly spar between two competitors and we even get some enjoyably human moments from Brad out of it who would otherwise be a very flat character.

At some point though, Chan sees an ad in some garbage that says "just smile" and after that point he continues fighting with a stupid grin on his face, understandably wigging out Brad. After that point it just goes all clownshoes on us with Chan implementing his "dance" practice on Brad (which is probably wildly humiliating to be gracefully rolled across Chan's butt) which incites the battle even further until they both literally go cross-eyed.

It's a dumb movie, but it features some good fights, some great fights, and barely manages to survive the rest on frequent injections of genuine character humor. I'd say the good just manages to outpace the bad.

But I'm also cynical as **** and don't really believe anything I say.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

CosmicRunaway

07-02-16, 01:52 PM

Omnizoa

07-02-16, 02:38 PM

I'm surprised to see Gorgeous receive such a high rating. I rentedit when it was still relatively new and absolutely hated it, but I don't really remember much about it. I'm certainly not curious enough to watch it again though haha.
I fondly remember the fight scenes and honestly, it's a WAY more tolerable romcom than most of the **** I see.

*EDIT: Also, rating_4 could either be just barely above [Meh...] or nearly [Friggen' Awesome]. I just don't do decimals because I'd agonize over that crap, so take my ratings with a grain of salt.

Omnizoa

07-02-16, 06:22 PM

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The Raid: Redemption

Martial Arts Action / Indonesian / 2011

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

My first Indonesian movie and easily the most hyped movie on my radar.

Okay, maybe THE SEQUEL is the most hyped movie on my radar, consensus seems to be that that one's better, but people still like the first one so I'm really looking forward to this.

What I have in mind is that one scene of Tony Jaa storming Tom-Yum Goong stretched to movie length. I'd watch that.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Crap. I'm not sure how to describe what I'm feeling.

...let me try drawing something.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26119&stc=1&d=1467492018

It's... it's ACTION. I can't blame you for nominating it...

It's just not very interesting action. I mean there are some fun parts...

I liked the sequence where the Main Character has to flee and is trapped at the end of a hall.

I liked a couple of the unexpected finishers like when Main Character grabs Henchman #639's head and dives backwards to drop him neckfirst on a door frame.

Uuuuuhhhhhmmmm... I liked... MOMENTS of the music which is usually this really generic grindy thriller noise.

Honestly it took me nearly 30 minutes to actually see something I thought was kinda creative, namely when they're forced to barricade themselves into a room and transition between floors by means other than the stairs while dealing with enemies from every which way, that was cool, and I won't say the fight choreography was bad, it was decent and there are a couple... almost noteworthy highlights that made me go "OOOHHHhow 'bout that", but for seriously...

The movie just kinda... *SIGH*

There's NOTHING HERE, I mean where's the personality? Zotis was talkin' this one up as "over-the-top" and, you know, from a certain perspective I can see that, but meeeenneeeehhhh I'M THINKIN' ARMY OF DARKNESS OVER-THE-TOP, right? Not... THIS.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26123&stc=1&d=1467494484

I mean it's just this wildly undercooked dirty cop plot that sets up the story mixed in with a barely-there-brothers-on-opposite-sides-of-the-tracks subplot and zrzgrzrgzrgr I don't give a ****. I don't like ANYBODY, I'm never given a reason to like anybody except-what our main character? Why? Because he's Muslim?

Am I supposed to champion this surrogate entity of violence against totally random goons? That's not a point in the movie's FAVOR.

And you know I really wouldn't mind a straightforward nearly plotless action movie with a nameless protagonist just kicking ass, but AGAIN some personality! I feel like we just stuffed a B-list stuntman into Silent Hill and sent all of the most boring goons in the Big Bad's arsenal to **** him up. It's visceral, but viscerality (visceralness? visceration?) is unpleasant in large doses and this is nothing but GREYS, bullets stacking up bodies, and people getting knifed up and down their thighs.

A close-up of some guy whose name I don't know or care about crawling on the ground and repeatedly stabbing another guy who name I don't know or care about does NOTHING FOR ME EXCEPT TELL ME THAT THE CREATORS LIKE SEEING BLADES SLIDE IN AND OUT OF FLESH.

And REALLY, that's not me. I'm not in this for the CG blood splatter, the body count, or the ugly visuals besides. I'm just here to see a likable character kick some ass and look cool doing it.

Wanna raise the stakes? Awesome.
Wanna put him on the defense? Awesome.
Wanna make me FEAR for his life? Awesome, yes, do it.
Wanna make the soundtrack 90% the characters moaning "AEAEAEAEAEAEAEGGHGHHHGGHH"?

No. I'm good. And when it comes to one-vs-all scenarios, either the character should destroy the opposition CLEANLY (as in: no one can kill him, which makes him badass), or every enemy should pose a legitimate obstacle and threat to his life (as in: anyone could kill him, which makes him badass).

THAT'S how you do it. You either go Die Hard or you go Hard Boiled, none of this sitting-on-the-fence ****. It's boring.

Also, anyone else notice the corrupt cop dude trying to kill himself by sticking the gun under his chin and angling it at his teeth? You're not gonna kill yourself doing that dude, you're gonna blow your teeth out, **** up your jaw, mess up your nose, and IF YOU'RE LUCKY, you might tear out the artery beneath your tongue so you can bleed out slowly.

If you WANNA DIE, barrel to the temple.

This has been sage advice from your
health and wellness expert, Omnizoa.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

07-03-16, 11:52 AM

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The Raid 2: Berandal

Martial Arts Action Drama / Indonesian / 2014

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

The Raid 2 is legendary.The Raid 2 FTW.Actually a pretty good film. I liked it twice as much as the first installment.

ALRIGHT, let's do this.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Dog, Fishing, *reels from headache* I... **** this movie.

I didn't like it. I didn't like it. It was just... AGAIN some decent fight choreography, but the ****in' ugly aesthetic, the near total lack of characterization, and... what's WORSE is that you managed to **** up the best thing you had going for you in the first movie: The pace! The premise! The ****in' RAID!

It takes you TWO HOURS to get to anything that could conceivably be called a raid? Are ****in' kidding me? I don't care about this political crime syndicate ****, it takes me forever to figure out which characters I'm supposed to me focused on and once I'm focused on them it's just this flaccid plot about some uppity piece of **** mobster kid who wants to overthrow his dad yadayadayada alongside this thoroughly uninvolving main plot about Rama (whose name I finally remember) going undercover. There's no intrigue there's no... it's just AGAIN characters I don't know or care about backstabbing other characters I don't know or care about.

Who was the fuzzy old hobo guy who just HAPPENS to be a martial arts master?

Why does the mobster's son immediately suspect his business partner of planting the wire when Rama has already attacked his men once?

Why does he still shoot him when Rama's literally in the same room as him and trying to kill him after having murdered an entire building full of his people?

Why does he turn his back to do it?

Why does Rama let such an easy opportunity to end it pass?

Why is Rama even called a rookie when he can survive a gang, a crime syndicate, and police armed with knives?

Why are they armed with KNIVES? Why are we just handwaving the idea of police solving crimes by running out into the streets and STABBING PEOPLE?

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26136&stc=1&d=1467557517

I could let all of this go, but you failed not once, but TWICE now and this time worse than the first! What was so hard about this Raid concept that you practically ditched the premise in favor of bloating your dry scab of a story? Was the puke-yellow prison mud fight really that essential? Was the fact that the bad guys are filming strap-on anal porn in a disgusting building just... the ONE THING that was missing in the first movie? Is the extent of your creativity seriously a deaf girl beating a factory's worth of squibs out of people with hammers? Is that her specialty? Just claw hammers? You couldn't cheese it up a bit?

This humorless, bleak, bloody, ugly, boring piece of ****?

Here's what I WAS HOPING FOR, picture this:

Just like the first movie, we briefly setup the raid, right? Maybe the movie's a fancy resort hotel or something, okay? Something with a lot of different rooms. You could throw a gym or a pool or rationalize all sorts of **** for different settings and props. We compartmentalize each floor of the building (like we started doing in the first movie) and distinguish them by their different settings, props, or enemies. Certain floors could have ambushes, use a particular range of weapons, one floor could be filled with poisonous gas or covered with tacks, or be trapped, it could have lots of enemies or one really dangerous enemy, and we'd allow our character(s) to adapt, improvise, collect, and exploit the various obstacles on their way to the top. It could be like Dark Floors where every floor is thematically different and filled with it's own unique threats.

One character? Fighting his way through that? WOULD BE AWESOME.

Butchu couldn't even do that.

The Raid 2's not really what I would call BAD... but it's a disappointment, it ruthlessly boring, and it felt like a waste of my life.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

CosmicRunaway

07-03-16, 01:10 PM

I've never seen the Raid movies. My room mates saw both in theatres. They really liked the first one, and recommended I watch it. It was on Netflix for awhile, but by the time I got around to watching it, it was taking off. One of my roomies does have the DVD, but she gave it to her brother to watch and he hasn't returned it. That was probably about 2 years ago, so I'm not sure she'll be getting that back any time soon haha.

Neither of them liked the second one, saying similar things to your line there before the final verdict. So I'll probably skip over that if I do ever decide to watch the first one.

Omnizoa

07-03-16, 01:52 PM

Omnizoa

07-04-16, 08:52 AM

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Battle Creek Brawl

Martial Arts Action / Chinese / 1980

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I decided to look up which Jackie Chan movie has the most fight scenes and came up with this.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Kissing, Dogs, Sheep, Cows.

It's apparent from Chan's first fight scene that this is not among his best offerings. His first fight features him pretending not to fight and "accidentally" beating up a group of thugs which would be swell in any other Jackie Chan movie, but here it's immediately obvious that the stunt guys aren't up to the task of playing with him as feints appear really obvious and attacks are brutally telegraphed.

It doesn't help that by the end of the movie he's going up against mainly MMA-type fighters in a tournament format and it almost descends to professional wrestling levels of acting. That's bad by my book. Not just the acting, but the total waste of such a concept.

The only thing that saves any of these fights is obviously Jackie Chan with his occasional dose of humor and obsessively creative use of props. It's really the only thing that keeps these fights interesting, and even then, unless I had incredibly low standards for fight choreography, these aren't exceptional in any way, but I've seen Drunken Master 2 and these just barely manage to tread water.

The whole "most fights" thing is also a bit misleading in that fights not even including Chan are counted, they're almost all very brief, and there's maybe only two or three before the "Battle Creek Brawl" even begins.

I think the only noteworthy things in this movie is the totally unexpected relay-race-on-skates and The Dragon (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheDragon) who inexplicably earns boos from the crowd by deeply kissing his victims, which of course Chan reciprocates when he beats him.

This about sums up the movie's problems:

In an interview with Chan on the region 2 DVD, Chan discusses the differences between Chinese and American styles of action. In his early US films, The Big Brawl and The Protector (1985), Chan had to perform the typical American fight sequences involving punches, kicks and taking few takes, all the way to the end of the action scene. It wasn't until Rumble in the Bronx (1995) that Chan was allowed to use more of his preferred action style, in which he works together with his stunt team and the actors (and actresses) involved in the films he's involved in. Also is allowed to get as many takes until its right for the film.

In his autobiography "I Am Jackie Chan: My Life in Action", there was one scene in the production in which Robert Clouse is not interested in Chan's idea which is to flip out of the car and had wanted him to just walk from the car to his father restaurant. Chan quote's "No one will pay money to see Jackie Chan walk!" The reason he believes this film failed was because he wasn't given a chance to direct the action scenes the way he wanted them for the film.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

07-04-16, 01:01 PM

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/truelies.gif

True Lies

Erotic Romantic Comedy Action / English / 1994

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Been quite a while and I know it's some peoples' favorite Schwarzenegger movie.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I married Rambo."

Dogs, Horses, Pelicans, Kissing, Wedding Rings, let's get the complaints out of the way.

So Arnold's secretly a government spy, which he hides from his family and in his inevitable absence he discovers that his daughter is stealing from him and his wife has bought into the thrills of a con artist (Bill Paxton playing a used car salesman). His friend and partner annoyingly offers insensitive advice including a particularly ****** line about how his daughter is probably stealing from him so she can pay for an abortion.

Dude. **** you.

I'm glad Arnold yells at him to "stop cheering me up", but I'dve just socked the ****er. The movie really seems to think this guy's an ace comedy relief since it's even his constant banter which ends the movie, and this combined with the unfortunate horse scene in which Arnold attempts to force a horse to jump him across two sidewalks and a 4-lane street to another building, after which he scolds the poor animal for refusing just makes for a... stained first 40 minutes.

AFTER the first 40 minutes what makes an average Schwarzenegger movie becomes a good Schwarzenegger movie. Arnold discovers that his wife, Jamie Lee Curtis, is secretly involved with Bill Paxton's character and while I naturally cringe at the inevitable Monogamy Syndrome, it... never really hits. Paxton's character is easy to dislike and the movie's quick to explain that Curtis just wants a little excitement in her life and Arnold's able to offer it. Sadly, there's no scene of the two characters explicitly sharing in that they lied to each other and that bygones should be bygones, but resolution comes eventually anyway with no small amount of finagling on Arnold's part compounded with the actual terrorist plot that drags his family into it.

Honestly, while Arnold's his usual enjoyable self, I think the real star here is Jamie Lee Curtis who does a fantastic job of playing the sheltered housewife awkwardly but determinedly roleplaying her way into a spy fantasy. Before it becomes a spy reality of course.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/truelies2.gif

It's one of extremely few movies which I will concede to call "sexy", and there isn't even any sex in it (it's called scenario writing, you porn freaks).

After the reveal it returns to it's action movie premise with regular bouts of comedy complete with the barely realistic badassery and cheesy one-liners you've come to expect.

All in all? I'd put this in the upper echelon of Schwarzenegger movies. Not necessarily for the action, but the characters. I would say, however, that it's probably somewhere in the bottom half of James Cameron's movies.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

07-06-16, 06:22 PM

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Star Wars Episode II:
Attack of the Clones

Sci-Fi Action Romantic Drama / English / 2002

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Jango Fett was brought up in Zotis's What Makes A Movie Great? thread (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?anchor=1&highlight=jango&p=1540544#post1540544) and it reminded me that Attack of the Clones was probably the most action-packed movie in the prequel trilogy. Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I hate it when he does that."

I'm honestly always pretty perplexed when people consistently say Attack of the Clones is the worst of the prequel trilogy. I really don't know what convinces somebody of that when there's such obvious targets in Phantom Menace, I always sort of felt people dragged their hate out of the first movie into the second and finally relented somewhat by the time the third one rolled around.

Maybe other people have a lower tolerance for ****** romantic plotting than I do, but that doesn't seem to be the case 99% of the time and I've never seen anyone else call BS on Han and Leia's garbage romance.

Admittedly Anakin and Padme's is several times WORSE... **** me it's bad. The development, the dialog, the delivery, people complain about the visuals, but THESE are the 3 Ds you should be bitching about!

We got kissing, we got "love" thrown around heavyhandedly, Padme needlessly discredits Anakin and Anakin won't shut his whiny ****in' face even when it comes to something you should obviously keep to yourself like THE ADOLESCENT WET DREAMS you've had about a woman several years older than you? Padme says she'll "always think of him as a little boy" and yet she winds up snogging him in the end, IN FACT, her trying to satisfy a pedophillic fetish is a WAY BETTER explanation for why she gives him the time of day because it's certainly not his creepy emotional blank stare that wets her panties.

"Oooohh, you find tyranny a more effective form of government? DO ME NOW."

They also marry at the end which also ****in' gets to me. Even a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, familiar hyper-specific cultural rituals are still a thing for some ****in' reason (not unlike kissing, but let's move on already).

Alas, that's my biggest complaint about the whole movie. ALL OF THAT. It sucks. I just tune the **** out during those parts and they're prevalent throughout the movie so it's a definite problem.

BESIDES THAT, Attack of the Clones is quite frankly my favorite of the prequel trilogy.

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I remember it for it's numerous varied action sequences cool new additions to the lore. I mean, where do I start?

We begin with an awesome speeder chase through Coruscant,

We see a MUCH more attractive CG Yoda,

We visit Kamino and meet Jango Fett,

We get a Jango Fett fight,

Followed by a Jango Fett dogfight,

Anakin goes to Tatooine and the movie just sort of dies... for a few minutes... so we can set up some reincorporation with New Hope...

BUT THEN we go to Geonosis and we meet Christopher Lee playing Darth Tyranus who's later revealed to both master to Qui-Gon Jinn and apprentice to YODA so HOLY ****, we got the whole family tree of Jedi training here where of Yoda > Dooku > Qui-Gon > Obi-Wan > Anakin > Starkiller (well that's getting into the video games, but whatever), that's cool!

We get a fight/chase through a droid manufacturing plant which sets up some fun R2-D2/C-3PO moments,

Everyone gets captured which leads to the coliseum where Obi-Wan, Padme, and Anakin showdown with their own unique beasts (my favorite is the Nexu),

Then that turns into a giant Jedi battle,

Then THAT turns into a giant Clones vs. Droids battle,

Then THAT turns into a 2v1 showdown with Count Dooku, which, admittedly, isn't nearly as good as the 2v1 fight against Darth Maul,

BUT THEN THAT, gives us our first Yoda saberfight before finally teasing Darth Sidious!

Come ON, how can you guys hate this movie more than the rest? It's fun.

Yeah, it's largely CG and the romantic subplot won't stay the hell away, but you know, the CG was pretty ****in' good for the most part, it didn't feel as greenscreeny as it could've.

One thing it sure made me think of was how much more I like Watto over Maz.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

07-07-16, 08:40 PM

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Rambo: First Blood

Action / English / 1982

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've never actually seen a Rambo movie, time to correct that.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Let it go."

Dogs, Rats, Boar, especially the boar...

Knowing jack-all about Rambo I was surprised to find out this WASN'T a 'Nam movie. I thought it was all gonna be Stallone gunning down goons by the dozens like in Commando or something, but no, it's just a post-Vietnam vet getting discriminated against and ****ed over by the local cop with the biggest stick up his ass.

My first issue is simply how long it takes Rambo get sick of the police's ********. He later says all he wanted was some food, but they run him out of town, arrest him when he comes back, accuse him of inapplicable crimes, physically abuse him, and when they try to shave him this really forced PTSD trip kicks in and he just punches out everyone in the police station before stealing some poor guy's motorcycle and escaping out into the woods.

"There's no way out of here except through us."

Yeah, and the other 359 degrees besides, ****in' genius.

What's Rambo's problem? He just drags his heels like a petulant child through the entire process and it's when the police inexplicably want to SHAVE HIM (what!?) that he finally retaliates, not JUST against those who wronged him, but an innocent pedestrian too?

They **** about in the woods for a good portion of the movie where he's responsible for killing 3 attack dogs, directly injuring nearly every police officer, and indirectly killing one who was trying to shoot him.

How exactly would they have rationalized that on their police report?

"Well you see, the guy was loitering, we arrested him, he punched me and ran away, so I shot him off a cliff."

I don't think a motorcycle theft would have justified that one.

While they're dragging in a trigger-happy army of idiot officers to solve their little crime problem with a ROCKET LAUNCHER-

You know, I don't think I've seen cops this stupid since Silver Streak.

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-in suddenly comes this new Colonel character who I'm gonna call "Kernel", because I don't remember his name, English is a stupid language, and Colonel is a word invented by somebody with brain damage.

Kernel seems to exist for literally no other reason than to suck Rambo's massive American dick. Over 80% of his dialog is trumpeting how BADASS he is, how the police HAVE NO CHANCE against him, about how THIS IS A WAR NOW, and THEY ARE GOING TO DIE.

Let's see how much of this I can leech off of iMDB:

You're going to die, Teasle.You're lucky to be breathing.You picked the wrong man to push.You're ******* lucky he didn't kill all of you.Only God knows what damage he's prepared to do.I'm just amazed he allowed any of your posse to live.You send that many, don't forget one thing. A good supply of body bags.Now why don't you forget what you're thinking and clear out while you can?I don't think you understand. I didn't come to rescue Rambo from you. I came here to rescue you from him.That boy's a heart attack! He may be the best the Special Forces ever trained. Anything you're gonna throw at him, he's been through a hundred times worse! In WORSE places than this! You don't seem to want to accept the fact you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. Well Rambo was the best.Naturally Sheriff ********'s too stubborn to relent and Rambo escapes the woods into town where his legitimate crimes escalate from motorcycle theft to...

shooting up a storefront,

destroying multiple civilian vehicles,

killing the power grid in over half the town,

blowing up a gun shop,

blowing up a GAS STATION, you know, by this point after he's already calmly articulated what began the whole conflict, you can't really blame this all on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. That's a load of ****.

So when it came down to the end I was all ready to give this movie a big fat [Meh...], BUT when Kernel walks in and orders him down, Stallone totally breaks his stoneface demeanor and gives an emotional monologue about how he risked his life for all these things in the war and how there they trusted him with multi-million dollar equipment and here they won't even trust him with a job, accusing him of babykilling and reminding him of his friend whose legs got blown off.

Well... ****, dude... I'm sorry. You must be REALLY ****IN' MAD.

It just drives home how this was NOT the guy to **** with. Seems like somebody else doesn't know how to "let it go".

I'm glad they explain that he's intentionally lashing out and not just lumping it all on PTSD, that would've been a really easy cop-out and I'd have definitely rated it lower without that scene. The performance is good enough that I feel I can buy that he's just been repressing his feelings this whole time. Good on ya, movie, good job.

There wouldn't be no trouble except for that king-**** pig-killing scene! All I wanted was a likable protagonist, but the movie kept pushing! They drew first blood, NOT ME.

THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

07-08-16, 12:16 AM

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Fist of Legend

Martial Arts Action / Chinese / 1994

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Jet Li (Fists Of Legend)Jet Li is the man! Seeing Fists Of Legend is a must for any Jet Li fan.The greatest martial arts movie ever made must have the greatest martial artist in all of movies. His names Jet Li, and the film is Fist Of Legend.

This is not a matter of opinion.Fist Of Legend with Jet Li....it was just the best martial arts movie ever made.its the most badass fight scene ever in a martial arts movie 😊

Fists Of LegendJet Li - Fist Of Legend. Best kung fu movie ever made. Ever.Havent seen it, but will now. Better than Fist Of Legend?! Whoa there... ;)
:yup:
Just watching this movie one time is like like eating only one french fry from your bag.What? You get that Fist Of Legend torrent going right this instant! :yup:I want to physically grab you and make you watch this lol! Drunken Master didnt have better martial arts than FOL imo.
Well Ill tell you 😊 I was under the belief that Bruce Lee was the fastest martial artist ever until I saw Jet Li for the first time in Fist Of Legend. The actings crap, the story barely treads water, but no martial arts movie made an impact on me like FOL did.
Fist Of Legend
:yup:Oh Ominiz.......... :D

https://cinephile.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/fist-of-legend.jpg
JESUS, ALLAH, AND BUDDHA!!

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Brutality is not the way to win a battle."

Did you SEE the other guy?

Horses and Marriage.

Alright, let's take a couple of these quotes and address them:

Better than House of Flying Daggers? Hell yes. No contest.

Fastest martial artist ever? This movie opens up with the most obvious speed ramping I've ever seen.

Best kung fu movie ever made? Hardly, and ironically Jet Li even frequently eschews traditional kung fu for Bruce Lee's Jeet Kuno Do which is specifically referenced IN THE MOVIE.

Finally, the suggestion that "the actings crap, the story barely treads water," I must honestly disagree with. The acting's nowhere near what I would expect to find in a Japanese action movie and I would actually contend that the story is decent.

Not EXCEPTIONAL in any way, but decent, which IS EXCEPTIONAL because most of these stories are total crap.

The plot dabbles in ethnic tensions without devolving into full-blown racism like in Shaolin Challenges Ninja, but this is a Jet Li movie. We're not here to see Jet Li ACT, and to be honest that's my biggest complaint about the guy, he doesn't have the charisma of Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Donnie Yen, or even the intensity of Tony Jaa, he's always just there with the same bemused expression on his face.

The best thing the plot here can do is rationalize the fights without dragging them down, and it does. It's brisk, it keeps a tight pace, the fights come at a consistent clip. Besides mercifully light romance which is never firmly established I've got no complaints as to where the story's involved so long as you aren't the kind of person who questions how the highest ranking officer in the military is also conveniently the most powerful martial artist in his country. And I'm not. This is Martial Arts Land. Unless you're comedy relief or a woman, you know kung fu.

Reminds me... I gotta get around to Yes, Madam...

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Anyway, other than some mild speed-ramping early on and a couple brief moments of rubber weapons, the fighting overall is pretty good. A lot of attention is paid to transitioning and for Rule of Cool's sake the movie's not afraid to drop kick people clear across rooms and through walls. They like their impact sounds and breakaway glass like the best of 'em.

Nothing about it really blows me away, again there's no Bruce Lee here to push the fights into yowling absurdity or JC to introduce some Improvised Weapon Proficiency (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ImprobableWeaponUser), but there's a little splash of variety here and there and one noteworthy blindfold fight which was fun too.

I'd contend that it's best still pales next to the best offered by the likes of Drunken Master 2, by a fairly wide margin, but overall I DEFINITELY think it's a better movie.

All around I'd say it's solid martial arts movie, good stuff. It's rare enough I can say that.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

07-08-16, 09:39 PM

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Casshern

Sci-Fi Superhero Drama / Japanese / 2004

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

This is probably one of my oldest watchlist items which I just keep procrastinating on. It's a 2 and a half hour live-action steampunk-ish (not really) adaption of a what looks like a cheesy anime. I'm SO not looking forward to this.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"We're not just here to exist, but to have the strength to co-exist."

Mice, Fish, Lobster, Dog, Kissing, Marriage.

http://twilighthollowproject.b1.jcink.com/uploads/twilighthollowproject/bundy.gif

Considering it's hyper-stylized visuals, I have one prevailing thought after having watched this movie:

**** AVALON.

There's no... *laugh* the THOUGHT that Avalon could be better than is is... horrid, wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. This is a GOOD MOVIE and ~UGH!~ no one's gonna believe me!

It goes overboard with the visual filters, it's plastered in too-low-texture CG which make some pretty bum composition shots, and honestly the anime superhero thing doesn't do it much of any favors at all, this isn't an action movie, it's a drama, and as a drama it's fricken'... WORTH THE EFFORT, it's GOOD!

The first 40 minutes of pure setup in this movie are just great. It's this grandiose operatic tale about a family driven apart by war. The father, who works in medicine, detests war and resents his son for going. We have this excellent scene in which his wife, whose blindness he hopes to cure, greets her son having returned from battle only moments before a military official shows up to inform her he actually died in the field.

Around the same time a freak occurrence twists the father's regenerative cell research into undead and when the military, who were the only ones to okay his research, try to gun them down, they're forced to escape and the leader among them swears vengeance upon humanity for their callous disregard for life. Almost the entire sequence of their escape is an epic montage of their unspoken trek out into nowhere as the wounded and underdeveloped among them die along the way, a mother is forced to bury her baby, there's roaring at the sky, it's just a very emotional journey for these characters we know nothing about all up until our main guy takes up a throne in a fortress and says "We live!" before delivering a rock-solid villain speech.

These "Neo-Sapiens" raise up a robot army and wage war on the world while our protagonist is secretly revived using a similar method and preserved in armor that keeps him together.

The rest of the movie takes a step down in narrative cohesion when it actually attempts to pull off some action which is some serious mood whiplash to suddenly get all anime on us. It's brief and it ranges from crap to cool and this isn't aided by an even worse attempt to distinguish the political factions behind the ongoing war effort. There's like half a dozen guys vying for control that may be apart of one faction? Or another? Which side is the country our protagonists are in? Is it just one side? I'm not sure, but they backstab each other and I never cared.

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Some DEFINITE unexplained plot points which I guess we're just expected to take as environmental plot devices like...

What's with the weird metal lightning bolt that completes the research?

Why/How does it teleport Casshern to a plot-relevant location?

What was that non-specific life-threatening fainting blindness disease his wife suffered from?

When did pollution ever get established as a danger?

What did the first two Neo-Sapiens see before they died?

Why are there suddenly souls at the end? Why do they converge on Casshern?

How do you just FIND a giant robot army? That's the one that gets me. There isn't even any throwaway line about a "nation lost to war" or anything like that, nope, it's just an intact fortress sitting in the middle of nowhere packed full of giant, obedient, self-sufficient, death robots that can be freely and easily controlled by a single unprotected person with a bone to pick.

That would REALLY bother me if it wasn't just part of the setup and not a Deus Ex Machina in the third act, that would've been major ********.

There's also this one classical backing track that I recognize because I've heard it a million times and it seriously distracted me since the rest of the movie runs on otherwise pretty good original music.

Overall the movie has a very potent anti-war theme going on, it even squeezes down on it's main character who at one point confronts himself in a hallucination for having committed terrible atrocities in the name of "duty" and "country" and "just following orders".

This very suddenly and SHOCKINGLY shifts neatly into a sanctity-of-life theme. We've had numerous characters die left and right as the movie goes on and up till the end we pretty much put Main Guy's dad on the protagonist's bench. When it's all over and he wants to revive his wife the same way, Casshern resists because of everything it caused, WHICH I honestly don't buy, none of this can be blamed on any one person coming back to life that's a total red herring, BUT suddenly he whips out a gun and shoots his daughter and says he'll revive her too, as a means to WIN AN ARGUMENT.
*MIND BLOWN* That just so perfectly curves right back into an earlier line about what value there is to life if it can just be casually restored. All that does is uninhibit casually taking it away.

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It almost all comes full circle and honestly it was a pretty emotional 2-and-a-half hour ride I strongly recommend.

As long as you can stand a lot of unnecessarily obvious CG and a couple major inciting plotholes.

If nothing else, it makes me want to watch the show which is a commendable service rendered by any adaption.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

False Writer

07-08-16, 10:24 PM

How in the world can someone think the Raid movies are boring? :sick:

Omnizoa

07-08-16, 11:49 PM

How in the world can someone think the Raid movies are boring? :sick:
If you're gonna have violence, have there be some stakes, otherwise make the violence in and of itself entertaining.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eyFjcXZP7A

The Raid movies just skeeved me out with how hollow and gruesome they were. If I liked the story or liked the characters or saw something more inventive done with the action a la Jackie Chan or John Woo it woulda been a different story.

Omnizoa

07-09-16, 10:23 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26221&stc=1&d=1468108309

Indiana Jones and
The Raiders of the Lost Ark

Fantasy Action Adventure / English / 1981

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Surely no pinnacle of "action", in my opinion, but "adventure"? No movie comes to mind quicker. It's reassessment time and I'm gonna go through the Indiana Jones trilogy and basically ruin them for you.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"It's not the years, it's the mileage."

I'm gonna come right out and get the controversy out of the way: My biggest problem with all 3 of these movies are the scenes involving non-humans. I know a lot of you don't give a **** about them, don't think about it, or probably think I'm totally up my own ass about this sort of thing, but it legitimately spoils movies for me and I don't think any series suffers more from it than the Indiana Jones series.

We got Rats, Spiders, Donkeys, Horses, Monkeys, SNAKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, and you can even hear barking in one scene so there might even be Dogs in it, I dunno, what I do know is it ****in' pains me every time I see this sort of thing in a movie. You may have even noticed I make no mention of clothes or catering which undoubtedly feed into the same issue, the thing is I'm wildly desensitized to it all by this point so it bothers me in shades of opacity. It's one thing to for a villain to exploit an animal, it's another thing for that animal to be computer generated, and it's another thing for the movie to stop, refocus the camera, or even dedicate whole lines of dialog to reminding me that they beat some poor elephant in order to act a certain way.

It's by no means a necessary part of filmmaking but my escapism is ruined any time I'm glaringly reminded of how ****in' poorly humanity treats other animals and I instantly distance myself from any viewer surrogate who rides a horse off a cliff, sits down to a chicken dinner, or sets snakes aflame en masse.

http://twilighthollowproject.b1.jcink.com/uploads/twilighthollowproject/snakes.gif

THAT'S ME. That's just how I look at these things and it's how I've always looked at these things. It's something that's affected every review of mine so far any will continue to in the future. Not gonna change it, JUST SAYIN'.

That said, I certainly recognize that Raiders is a classic movie and there's no shortage to it's nostalgia in my mind. The opening itself is a memorable send up to old adventure serials in the same way that Star Wars is (perhaps George Lucas has something to do with it?) and while you could easily pick at it for it's cheese (who designed these complicated death traps anyway?), you'd be firmly missing the point of the material.

I myself have a fondness for Dungeons & Dragons (I know, I must be winning so many fans today) so a movie all about hunting down ancient powerful relics across different lands and fighting a rival who aces me every step of the way until the showdown with a transparently evil Big Bad is right up my alley.

Indy is mostly funny and likable in his determined yet "ugh... this again?" attitude, however Token Girl lead, Marion, is well below what I would consider par.

She's certainly not the worst female lead in the series and she at least comes across as a person, but her whole "I was in love" Noodle Incident (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoodleIncident) and the scenes in which she gets cheeky drunk, puts on a wedding dress, and feebly climbs all over Indy only cement her as a just-another limp-wristed female character in an action movie. The makeout scene doesn't help either. The worst, arguably, is simply how many different characters attempt to claim ownership of her.

The movie's plot itself is pretty heavily oriented around build-up and action and while it may be among the most expositional of the movies it manages to keep a strong pace all throughout which is a huge relief after seeing so many martial arts movies which just tend to die standing up between each fight scene.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26223&stc=1&d=1468113728

We get a lot of different locations and setpieces from the temple to the tomb and the events in and around them never seem repetitive. An escape can just as quickly become a chase and a chase can just as quickly become a fight and while the fights themselves are certainly nothing to sneeze at choreographically, the scenarios change rapidly, tension is set to build, and we get some satisfying punchy sound effects to drop some weight on it.

I'm rather averse to the more gruesome and macabre aspects of the movie's visual design, but as others have said post-Crystal Skull, there's an appreciation to be had for the tangible reality of the actual props as opposed to CG. It all looks good and convincing if nothing else (though you will question how it is that dead bodies can scream).

My last point of interest here is simply the Ark of the Covenant itself, the core MacGuffin that drives the movie. I wouldn't really call it a plothole considering how much of it comes across as creative liberties, but it's certainly some interesting Fridge Logic (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FridgeLogic).

Here goes:

First off, we know that the Ark melts the faces of those who open it, but why? Is it because they're Nazis? Belloq isn't a Nazi. Is it because he's not really Jewish or... Christian? How do we know that? Nazism is pretty heavily rooted in fundamentalist Christianity so it would be odd to assume the Ark takes such a specific stance against them. Maybe it can just sniff evil?

Indy tells Marion not to open her eyes and they go unaffected so it can be extrapolated that they didn't die because they didn't gaze upon "the wrath of god". But what's up with that? Just because they don't look at it they're fine? That's an awful big BLINDSPOT in it's design then, isn't it? Maybe it's because they ARE Jewish/Christian, but that's never confirmed and Indy specifically dismisses that sort of thinking at the beginning of the movie. Maybe he NOW believes which is why he's fine? Seems like a wild stretch to me.

How is it that the Ark was even intended to be hefted "before armies" if it would kill the people carrying it as shown in the picture at the beginning of the movie? Maybe their eyes are closed? The most powerful military weapon is a group of 4 guys with their eyes closed carrying around a bin with ghosts in it?

Why are there even ghosts in it? The Ark was supposed to hold the Ten Commandments, just slabs of stone, so where'd the sand and angry dead people come from?

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26222&stc=1&d=1468113683

In fact, why is the Ark even dangerous AT ALL? It's a ****IN' BOX! MEANT TO HOLD THE THEN-EQUIVALENT OF PAPER! When the hell did this simple container for holy writ become this CURSED WEAPON OF INCOMPARABLE POWER AFTER MILLENNIA!?

Imagine if this occurred nowadays and God imprinted the ten laws on fax paper and the only thing Moses had on hand was a Tupperware container.

I guess the whole "voice of God" thing kinda makes sense, but it still makes you wonder the catastrophe that could've happen had Indy actually brought it to a museum.

Overall, despite my initial malaise, I still think Raiders of the Lost Ark is a fun memorable movie.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

07-10-16, 10:04 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26224&stc=1&d=1468155772

Indiana Jones and
The Temple of Doom

Fantasy Action Adventure / English / 1984

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Temple of Doom was probably the movie I watched most of the original trilogy. Time to reassess and confess why it's not my favorite.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"WE are GOING to DIE!"

I have a lot of nostalgia for Temple of Doom, arguably more than any of the other movies and I'd probably attribute that to it containing some of my favorites scenes of the series. Unfortunately it also has easily the worst scenes of the series too and this makes it difficult to place what I think of it overall.

As I mentioned in Raiders, animal exploitation gets to me and it ruins good movies. I can think of no worse example than Temple of Doom which features no shortage of Shishkebabs, Chickens, Elephants, Monkeys, Lizards, Owls, SNAKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, Rhino Beetles, Roaches, Centipedes, OtherBugsIDon'TRecognize, and Crocodiles, putting even Titanic to shame (if you wonder why I haven't counted the "Giant Vampire Bats" you evidently aren't keeping up).

Of course one must not forget the baby Eels which are graphically cut out of a stuffed Boa Constrictor during the infamous dinner scene.

I ****ing hate that scene. The only other scene I can think of that reaches it's level of skeeving me out is that extreme close-up of that one dude eating in Avalon. WHY are you trying to gross-out your audience? What do you accomplish with this other than transparently painting your bad guys as such cartoons that THEY EAT MONKEY BRAINS???

I don't care if Indy goes back with a bowl of fruit after the fact and I don't care that the monkey heads were props, they still subjected live animals to this **** and in many cases killed them for the sake of these types of scenes.

I'm so far past the scenes in this movie by this point that I can't even really get upset over it anymore, it's just disgusting, horrid, vile, repulsive, ugly to think about, facemelting drek. This must've been what was really in the Ark because I can think of no more withering a concept than THIS as entertainment.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26225&stc=1&d=1468155794

Surely the worst most foul part of any of the movies by far, but even if you don't agree with me on this particular topic, you have to admit the first 50 minutes of this movie are a struggle.

It opens up with a musical number which is baffling in and of itself, I can enjoy it for what it is but I can understand why somebody would be put off by such an intro following Raiders. This leads to a restaurant brawl and shortly leads into the iconic liferaft scene where Indy, Willy, and Short Round must bail out of an airplane full of chickens before they all explode in one of the fakest special effects you'll see in the series.

These two brief sequences make up the majority of all action in the first 50 minutes, the rest of which is bloated with exposition and worse, comedy.

Not that Indiana Jones can't be funny, but the humor centers almost entirely around Willy who makes Marion's feeble-ass character look like a goddess by comparison.

Willy is EVERY SICKENING HATEFUL female character stereotype rolled into one.

She endangers their lives, she can't defend herself for ****, her voice upticks into that annoying ear-piercing wail that makes you wanna punch her in the face, and the majority of her dialog is bitching, complaining, and whining about how SHE BROKE A NAIL, or HER ELEPHANT SMELLS, or how INDY WON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER and why would Indy want to stick his willy in Willy anyway?

Surely masturbating is a better option than having sex with an air raid siren with skin?

Maybe that dinner scene JUST REALLY GOT HIM GOIN'
NO I'M NOT LETTING THAT ****ING GO.

Fortunately, after the first 50 minutes we roll back into our comfort zone until finally the last 30 minutes roll around and this is where the movie goes from **** to awesome.

The rope bridge scene is great for a number of reasons, but when I think back to Temple of Doom I'm most reminded of the minecart scene. It's certainly entertaining on it's own, but I get the strong impression that I liked it more because I always associated it with the fond memories I have of playing Donkey Kong Country.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGRwiHoTcwY

I loved those levels and seeing them Indiana Jonesified reminds me how much the Indiana Jones series had an influence on video games, the most obvious I can think of probably being Crash Bandicoot's boulder run stages (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FhkUxpJAEbM) which are also super nostalgic memories for me.

They're just really fun memorable moments to put yourself into and I know peoples' love for Indiana Jones is due in no small part to Temple of Doom.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26226&stc=1&d=1468155823

I wish I could share their feelings, but unfortunately TOD goes far beyond what would regularly qualify for "rubbing me the wrong way" and now seeing just how much of the movie is actually spent on this really just confirms my feelings on the matter.

Temple of Doom has some fantastic scenes in the second half, but you gotta pass the dreadful first half to get there. It's not worth rewinding your VHS tape all the way.

Frankly, when it comes to that dinner scene, you crossed a line. Anything after that is damage control.

Final Verdict: rating_2 [Just... Bad]

CosmicRunaway

07-10-16, 10:49 AM

It's one thing to for a villain to exploit an animal, it's another thing for that animal to be computer generated, and it's another thing for the movie to stop, refocus the camera, or even dedicate whole lines of dialog to reminding me that they beat some poor elephant in order to act a certain way.

It's by no means a necessary part of filmmaking but my escapism is ruined any time I'm glaringly reminded of how ****in' poorly humanity treats other animals and I instantly distance myself from any viewer surrogate who rides a horse off a cliff, sits down to a chicken dinner, or sets snakes aflame en masse.

If you haven't already, I hope you never watch Milo and Otis (1986).

I don't want to know how many kittens died making that movie. :(

Omnizoa

07-10-16, 12:42 PM

If you haven't already, I hope you never watch Milo and Otis (1986).
I have not.

I don't want to know how many kittens died making that movie. :(
The film was reported to have the approval of the American Humane Society (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Humane_Society), despite not having their officers present during filming.
**** those guys.

I'm reminded of Old Yeller which I never liked and Roar which stills seems like the world's most stupidity-induced suicidal attempt to make a movie. If my parent or child made Roar I would disown them.

CosmicRunaway

07-10-16, 01:43 PM

Omnizoa

07-10-16, 02:00 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26230&stc=1&d=1468170004

Indiana Jones and
The Last Crusade

Fantasy Action Adventure / English / 1989

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Back in the day when I hadn't fully come to distinguish what made a good or bad movie (hell, I thought Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog was awesome), The Last Crusade was my least favorite of the Indiana Jones movies. I watched it the least of the three and I'm not wholly sure why. It's reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up."

Rats, Chickens, Crocodiles, Lions, Goats, Camels, SNAKESSSSSSSSSSSSS, Horses which appear all throughout and worse, Seagulls which get a particularly unfortunate scene.

This time the role of Token Girl is Dr. Elsa She-Wolf-Of-The-SS Schneider and even given that she turns (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FaceHeelTurn) femme fatale (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FemmeFatale) halfway through she manages to better Willy while worsening Marion.

That old "I hate you which is why I'm gonna **** your brains out" deal is played to the hilt here and it's wildly unwelcome especially when Indy, once again, decides to stick his dick in crazy. WHICH INCIDENTALLY his father also did. I seriously only just got that for the first time today, it's never explicitly said, but it's implied and danced around that Indy's dad had sex with her too. All I can say is I just never really understood what they were talking about before. MAKES A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE NOW.

Anyway yes, Dad's here this time played by Sean Connery, effectively replacing Elsa early on as Indy's sidekick for the adventure. All I can say is... great. Sean Connery's awesome and his role as Indy's conservative dad makes him a far stronger contrast than any other characters so far. I'd even say this is the funniest of the three movies.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26228&stc=1&d=1468169960

After a short prologue which sets up Indy getting his whip and hat for the first time (which I've also been pretty [Meh...] about), the plot then reverts back in similarity to what we had in Raiders, what with a Christian relic and Nazi's and, you know... what's the deal with these relics anyway?

Now Jesus' sippy cup is all powerful now too? What, DID HE **** GOLD??? Is the first chair he sat in a rocket ship? Did the last bogey he ever picked spread a swath of desolation and waste where it landed? Was there like, one beggar who got a nip of his salad one day and from then on was known as Popeye The Sailor Man?

This also a weird logic hole in the movie because at one point it's suggested that only the true Grail will bring life and a false Grail will take it.

OKAY, well, that's kind of needless isn't it? I mean after all if you're testing people it's already been stated that "for the unrighteous, the cup of life holds everlasting damnation", so doesn't that mean that if the Nazis picked the right Grail they would still lose?

If the Nazis can never win then this test ONLY serves to test Indy, and test what? That he can pick out the grodiest lookin' mug he can find? So it's a test of faith that shows Indy AT LEAST knows that Jesus was a simple man who abhorred the rich, and this is somehow more important than his tested skills in riddles, language, and blindly stepping out into chasms which couldn't realistically fool the human eye becausethey'dhave tobedesigned totrickthe eyeatany heightordistance whichdoesn'tconsider thefactthat everyone'sadifferent heightandcan idleatdifferentd istancesandangles, BUT SO LONG AS INDY KNOWS JESUS WAS A CARPENTER, yes he has proven his worth and deserves everlasting life.

At least this time God or who-ever decided to impose some stricter measures on their random home-office supplies given ludicrous powers by imposing a range limitation on it's effectiveness. Great, so now if the Nazi's got the Holy Grail, they could... stay there. Forever.

The only thing the Grail seems to be good for is protecting the Grail.

I can tell those hundreds of years did that old knight lots of favors, he still aged long enough to be too feeble to stop a man from taking his relic and then immediately disregarding his advice and losing it down ANOTHER CHASM.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26229&stc=1&d=1468169983

"Thanks, Indy, I'll just park my ass and wait to die now, I can see those 700 YEARS were worth my time."

"I'm sorry... well, it's safe now, isn't it?"

"In a crevice? To be crushed by tectonic shifts? Yeah, real nice."

"Look, I said I was sorry! Besides, aren't these things typically indestructible?"

"Oh yeah, sure, I was just, you know, hoping to protect it from bad people, I guess THROWING IT DOWN A HOLE JUST DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME."

In general I feel that Last Crusade is much less memorable than either Raiders or Doom given it's relatively less impressive setpieces. While it may ride backseat to Raiders, it's at least a full car length ahead of Doom managing to beat it out in terms of characters, pacing, and comedy.

It also doesn't have that dinner scene, though I could have done without Sean Connery woop-wooping a flock of seagulls directly into the whirring propeller of an oncoming fighter plane.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

07-10-16, 02:06 PM

Looking at Wikipedia, the Japanese Humane Societies who gave their blessing for the movie stated that it "shows no animals being injured or harmed". Well yes, when you cut away seconds before an animal is injured then you're technically not showing it. That doesn't make it right though. :tsk:
The "Humane Societies" are full of hypocrites, they've been screwing up for years (https://soundcloud.com/colleen-patrick-goudreau/animals-in-film-animals-were-harmed-part-two).

Omnizoa

07-13-16, 03:56 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26259&stc=1&d=1468435931

Black Butler

Fantasy Action Drama / Japanese / 2014

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've been wanting to see this since I discovered it. Basically it's a live-action adaption of the Black Butler manga which was sorta interesting, but I gave up (shortly after Grell's introduction), mainly because I was sick of the meandering, the talking about food, and that brutally insistent "hell of a butler" joke.

So consider me familiar, but not exactly detail vigilant. Considering that the manga couldn't keep me interested, how does the adaption fair?

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"If I took your soul now, it wouldn't be interesting."

Cats and part of a lobster.

That was AMAZING. In more ways than one. Mostly bad ways.

Okay, a quickie for the uninitiated: What is Black Butler normally?

Black Butler is basically a relatively chronological collection of espionage/mystery/investigative stories involving Ceil Phantomhive, the young prodigal and precocious orphan to an illustrious family which has long since served the unseen Queen as her secret "Watchdog" which handles her dirty work (it's set in Britain, so it's presumably a sort of Elizabethan Queen). Ceil, prior to the events of the series makes a Faustian Bargain with the demon, Sebastian, to serve him as a means to achieve his goal of revenge, which is implied to be against those who killed his parents. The "contract" is visible in Ceil's eye which he routinely conceals with an eyepatch. Sebastian serves as his formal butler (the Black Butler) and informal bodyguard, essentially waiting for Ceil to die to claim his soul.

As the series goes on and Ceil experiences betrayals and losses, which serve to humble his arrogant attitude, Sebastian becomes more intimately familiar with his human master and it becomes increasingly apparent, though unspoken, that he's not entirely in it for the soul, he actually appears to be attracted to Ceil and this homo-erotic Shotacon (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shotacon)-esque non-explicit developing relationship turns out to be (again, I'm no expert) the core fabric of the series.

SO, how does this movie handle that concept?

Well, Ceil is a girl.

http://twilighthollowproject.b1.jcink.com/uploads/twilighthollowproject/boogieflip.gif

Okay, for real, I've advocated genderswapping characters before, particular in relatively repetitive series where it's just the same concept done slightly different every time (http://zeldawiki.org/Linkle) (grrr), but HERE you're talking about genderswapping a character in a series where them being male is PART OF THE APPEAL.

Ceil is an androgynous boy who crossdresses to disguise himself during covert missions, we're talking about manga and anime series that specifically sells itself on THIS:

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26256&stc=1&d=1468435822
"OH MY GOD SHE'LL RECOGNIZE ME (http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26257&stc=1&d=1468435847)."

So yeah, WAY TO **** UP RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE by ruining a core selling point to your property.

They don't even call Ceil, Ceil Phantomhive, they call HER Shiori Phantomhive, unexplainably going under the name of "Kiyohara Genpou". So yeah. Ceil the boy is now Kiyohara the girl. *brain aneurysm*

The weird thing is is that the opening scene to this movie is essentially a PERFECT introduction to Black Butler. Ceil, in a dress and long hair, has been captured by bad guys, a gun gets held to her head and she's all "Yeah Whatevs" until Sebastian shows up, absolutely destroys the whole gang of baddies with knives, pretends to be fatally shot in the head, like the smug immortal bastard he is, and he manages to intimidate and incapacitate the main bad guy before saving Ceil amidst some petty jabs establishing their relationship and finally revealing that Ceil is ACTUALLY *GASP!* still a girl, just with a shorter hair.

YOU SEE!? YOU ****ED UP YOUR OWN REVEAL!

Whatever, I'm over it, the plot, here we go (I'm just gonna call her him):

The plot is a mess. It's amateurishly presented with loads of flat exposition and ultimately the false self-satisfaction that comes with "HAHA Retcon!" (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FlashbackTwist) flashbacks which SEEM clever until you realize that you can insert them anywhere and they come off as increasingly contrived.

It all implodes on itself during the The Reveal which inexplicably happens at the halfway point of the movie. Basically up to now, Ceil and Sebastian have been on the hunt for the cause of this "serial mummification death case" which seems to specifically target diplomatic officials across the world. Actually, let me break away to make a criticism:

Why in the hell would this, in the year 2020, be popularly interpreted as a literal devil's curse? And worse, why would nations WORLDWIDE choose to solve the problem through a communal EXORCISM???

WHAT!? Is everyone just Christian now? Why are people signing on to this!?

Whatever, anyway, the BIG REVEAL IS, after an excruciatingly obvious false lead... his aunt did it. Which... if you're familiar with the series shouldn't surprise you. AND should upset you with what happens next.

IF you were familiar with Black Butler before the movie you would know that the first enemy Sebastian ever has any actual difficulty fighting is Grell and Grell is a REAPER, also an immortal, also an androgynous male, and fights with an CHAINSAW.

It's essentially an angel fighting a devil, THERE ARE SOME STAKES.

So how does Grell fair in the movie?

There is no Grell.

http://twilighthollowproject.b1.jcink.com/uploads/twilighthollowproject/boogieflip.gif

No, even though Ceil's aunt specifically knows that Sebastian is a demon because Grell tells her and Grell first appears IMMEDIATELY after her betrayal is revealed, Ceil's aunt just... KNOWS for some reason and instead sends A DRUG ADDICT to fight Sebastian.

Yes. This is Sebastian's Final Boss Fight, a random goon on steroids who's inexplicably strong enough and fast enough to contend with him.

Which makes no sense because Sebastian has demonstrated speeds at the level of BULLET-CATCHING and practical TELEPORTATION, yet he fights this guy at regular speed. There isn't even any implication that he's holding back or just trying to have fun with the guy, this nameless minion is actually a MATCH for him.

If that wasn't stupid enough it gets downright nonsense when the guy manages to cut Sebastian and then explains that his sword is silver.

BECAUSE OF [B]DRACULA.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/spittake.gif

UUUUHHHH... SILVER... WEREWOLF.

DRACULA... VAMPIRE.

DEMON... NEITHER OF THOSE.

WOW YOU ****ED UP.

Sebastian can't actually die and he can kill this guy instantly, what's the fuss?

Alright so, the thing is Auntie (which I'm just gonna call her cause she doesn't have the same friggen' name as in the original series) is the one spreading these drugs which aerosolize and mummify people who inhale them. After she threatens to kill Ceil if Sebastian won't stop fighting, she reveals in a Villain Monologue that she was once engaged to Ceil's dad who inexplicably dumped her after she got... shot in the stomach which killed her unborn baby and destroyed her ability to bear children. Pretty dick move.

"Aw, I can't impregnate you? DUMPED."

Alright, that sucks, petty revenge for that is a suitable motivator, BUT NO, she's not out for revenge at all, that's just the reason why she can have a VILLAIN LAUGH, THE REAL REASON she's in this drug business is because she logically concluded that IF SHE CAN'T BE FERTILE, SHE COULD AT LEAST BE IMMORTAL.

( O_O)

Yes. Infertility = Immortality. Lost a baby? Live forever. Can't see the logical connection? I CAN'T EITHER.

So Ceil interrupts her Villain Laugh, punches at her, which Auntie catches, crushing the drug in her fist. So now the thing has aerosolized and they're both infected with the thing and will slowly die now, right?

Well, Ceil whips out two antidote caspules which <retcon>he stole from her earlier</retcon> which are identical to poison capsules except they are red instead of yellow, and crushes them under his feet.

Well now that the antidote is crushed too so that means they're both cured, right? "The tables have turned." he says.

Um... NO?

You both just got poisoned and then immediately cured of that poison, so NOTHING'S CHANGED.

At least that's what I thought until the antidote inexplicably doesn't affect them so I guess this identical drug NEEDS TO BE EATEN? **** if I know, they never explained that!

Alright, so they're both dying now and Auntie DROPS HER GUN, for ****'s sake WHY DID YOU DROP YOUR GUN!? HE JUST POISONED YOU AND NOW SEBASTIAN HAS KILLED YOUR MINION SO THE TABLES REALLY HAVE TURNED are you proud of yourself? Are you ****ing proud of yourself? You moron.

Sebastian pulls a whole jar of antidotes out of his ass because <retcon>he stole them earlier</retcon> eats them all then pulls ANOTHER two out of his ass and offers them to Ceil who considers shooting Auntie.

Auntie immediately starts begging for her life claiming in essence, and I'm not kidding, "YOU MAY HAVE DEFEATED ME, BUT I AM MERELY ONE OF THE ELITE FOUR (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EliteFour)!"

That's... your... defense?

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26260&stc=1&d=1468436020

Don't kill me because someone told me to kill your parents and I really really enjoyed it??? Ugh~ my god. Sebastian even facepalms during this scene.

So Ceil, apparently SWAYED by this emotional appeal to stupidity offers one of the two antidotes to her. She goes all "FOOL, JAMES HOOK IS NEVERLAND!" takes both antidotes and eats them.

Ceil's all "YOU WERE LYING!?", Auntie gives a great big Villain Laugh even though Sebastian can still kill her any second now and THAT'S WHEN he reveals that <retcon>he painted them red</retcon> and they're actually poison I SAW IT COMIN' A MILE AWAY.

Wow.

Doesn't that...?

*sigh*

DIDN'T HE OFFER THOSE TO CEIL? HE OFFERED POISON TO CEIL, HOW COULD HE HAVE KNOWN HE'D BE TURNED DOWN!?

I GUESS at this point it's not entirely certain that Sebastian wouldn't be in favor of Ceil outright dying this way since it's established that he'd get his soul regardless, but REALLY? He killed her last bodyguard and instead of outright killing her directly he gambled on Ceil refusing the antidote, Auntie stealing, and KILLING HERSELF???

What kinda effed up Gambit Roulette (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GambitRoulette) wazzat!?

Inexplicably Auntie explodes into dust which is a completely different way of dying than we've seen from this drug so far and now Ceil's left with a bomb, oh yeah, there's a BOMB that'll decimate a whole kilometer with the drug, and while Sebastian hounds him down over trying to save other people/do his job instead of focus on his own survival/ultimate revenge (cause there's one last guy remember) he struggles against the mummification and manages to hurl the explosive off the top of the building which explodes mid-flight.

And doesn't harm him at all.

This was supposed to disperse an accompanying drug a whole kilometer and he gets away without a scra-you know what? It's almost over, so **** it.

Ultimately Sebastian lays Ceil down and puzzles over this new "human development" of self-sacrifice and in turn, forgoes his opportunity to take Ceil's soul, pulls more antidote out of his ass, and mouthfeeds it to Ceil...

...which would be totally gay if
CEIL WAS A GUY!!!

AND HIS NAME WAS ACTUALLY CEIL!!!

Holy **** this movie was terrible!

I can see why the Black Butler fanbase hates it, not only is it an utter betrayal against numerous aspects of the series, not only is it an awful stupid story, and not only is it friggen' boring at points, but it frequently suffers from overacting especially in regards to Rin, who, in the series, is the archetypal klutzy maid character.

This painfully obvious overacting character who trips over thin air is made only all the more meta when it's revealed that her klutziness is a facade and she's actually a badass in a dress. I didn't even GET THAT FAR in the original series so this came right out of the blue, yet it implies that she really WAS acting in-universe at the time... just very poorly... and you can't really tell it's gone after the reveal...

The BEST and ONLY REDEEMING FEATURE of this movie is Sebastian, who doesn't even really resemble the character he's supposed to, but he plays the role to a T.

He's instructive, he's obedient, he's smug, he's sardonic, he's seductive, and he kicks ass, the fight scenes were actually SURPRISINGLY GOOD. I'm not kidding, there's some neat moments and some uniquely effective use of slow-mo to be had here. He's fun to watch float around with a big grin on his face and being a smartass to people.

THAT'S what saves this from my lowest rating, OTHERWISE this was ****in' garbage.

I can't imagine what they'd follow this up with.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26258&stc=1&d=1468435870
IT'S A BLACK BUTLER MUSICAL.

WAT.

Final Verdict: rating_2 [Just... Bad]

Omnizoa

07-17-16, 09:57 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26278&stc=1&d=1468760075

Yojimbo

Action Drama / Japanese / 1961

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

After Sword of the Stranger I decided to check out what may be the most classic iteration of the Ronin (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Ronin) story and to my understanding that's Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo. I wasn't especially compelled to see it until I realized it stars Toshiro Mifune who was the comedy relief in Seven Samurai, probably my favorite character in that movie.

The only familiarity I have with the name Yojimbo is that it's also the name of my favorite summon in Final Fantasy X (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4ajruhgJU2Y). Yojimbo's particularly interesting because he has a unique control mechanic in which his moveset is entirely locked off to you and the degree to which he'll help you is based on a complex system (https://www.gamefaqs.com/ps2/197344-final-fantasy-x/faqs/18486) of bribing him to improve his hidden Loyalty stat (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/discussion.php?id=01v5vfp9qn9h7ro8lf8ikurj). He's the only summon in the game who explicitly requires payment to perform any of his moves, but the trade-off is that he's actually capable of INSTANTLY KILLING BOSSES.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I'll get paid for killing, and this town is full of people who deserve to die."

A dog and a horse.

Interestingly, Yojimbo, as one of, if not THE, progenitors of the Ronin trope, doesn't actually feed into it very heavily beyond the fact that Sanjuro, our main character, is a capable samurai with no allegiances.

What I DIDN'T expect was that the Yojimbo in FFX is extraordinarily true to the concept presented in this film.

Rather than simply being the lone samurai who gets hired by the good guys to shuffle the bad guys outta town, Sanjuro wanders into town, sees a feudal stalemate between two factions and decides, "I can make money off of this". The majority of the movie has him sidling up to some... Restaurant Owner? who's pretty cynical in the face of his failing business while the coffin maker next door is making a killing. Sanjuro learns about the inner politics of the town and proceeds to manipulate his way into both sides of the conflict, trading information and taking up bodyguard services (because if we don't hire him, the other guys will and we don't want that).

It may seem grimy at first, but it's quickly revealed that the "good guys" are more than grimy themselves, secretly plotting to stab Sanjuro in the back after he's done his job, assuming him to be no less a ruthless mercenary than the gamblers they're fighting against.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26279&stc=1&d=1468760100

Sanjuro puts on a convincing show of being tough and self-absorbed, but he also manages to show he can be a good guy when he goes out of his way to bring a family back together and urging them to run away with his entire commission.

This is perhaps the most irritating part of the movie for me though, because despite Sanjuro expressly impressing upon the family to "run away!", "take my ryo!", and "never come back!" they just stand their thanking him like idiots while Sanjuro's neck is on the line not to get caught.

And sure enough when he finally gets them to bail out of town, they come back and leave damning evidence that he's a traitor, which gets him found out and beaten to a pulp.

That's really frustrating especially since this is never resolved in any sort of lesson or general takeaway. It's just one instance in which Sanjuro stuck his neck out for somebody and the morons in their infinite stupidity ****ed him over for it. That's just a pretty sucky thing to see happen for no apparent narrative reason.

A couple other issues with the movie would be later swordfights which completely invert the typical Blood Geyser problem by not featuring any sound effects, stabbing, or really anything besides slashing motions. It's REALLY easy to fake that and it takes me out of it when it looks like the sort of mock fight I'd see children performing in their backyards.

The story occasionally drifts in horribly dry exposition about tertiary characters we don't know or care about and the soundtrack is also kinda cruddy with some extremely inappropriately upbeat music.

All in all I'd say it's a fine movie. Better than Ikiru, but not as good as Seven Samurai, and I like Yojimbo in FFX more for it.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

REWATCH UPDATE (4/21/25):
It's been a bit since I've seen Yojimbo and despite saying that I preferred Seven Samurai to it, I feel like I remember it most fondly of the Kurosawa films I've seen, so I decided to rewatch it.

The concept of Yojimbo is simple and appealing enough, but there are definitely more things I could have credited the movie with.

For one thing, it's starts off the conflict real quick, it's only about 5 minutes into the movie, including the opening credits, that Sanjuro walks into town and conflict introduces itself. From that point forward the pacing is mostly pretty decent.

I've also developed a bit more of an appreciation for Gonji, the restaurant owner, one of the only neutral characters in the movie and the one which Sanjuro mooches off of while he's in town.

I kind of appreciate that he's this curmudgeonly old doomer who's already just fed up with it all, but still manages to be a good guy by knowingly offering Sanjuro free food and ultimately saving his life and tending to his wounds later in the movie.

He strongly reminds me of a specific employee at my workplace who's appearance and personality mirror him very closely.

I also gotta give credit to the cinematography. Despite being in black and white, there are some really nice shots in this movie. Oftentimes it's just following characters around the set, but there are also some cool moments that try to intermingle the foreground and background, such as when the two factions are footsy-ing up to each other with swords out and we have a low angle of Sanjuro just sitting up in the guard tower watching the entire spectacle.

https://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=107329&stc=1&d=1745255509

I said before that the most irritating part of the movie was the family that Sanjuro saves getting him beat up and captured. It obviously sucks from a karmic perspective, because you don't want Sanjuro punished for his one good deed, but on the other hand I could also see the argument that it demonstrates the risk Sanjuro took by trying to do the right thing, which, considering he's spent most of the movie trying to benefit himself, there should be a great deal of weight put on his effort to benefit others.

I've decided, however, that my most disliked aspect of the movie overall is the wealth of characters and the bout of exposition Gonji takes to list them all very early on in the movie. We have...

Seibei, the original gambling kingpin,
Ushitora, who split off from Seibei,
Orin, Seibei's wife,
Yoichiro, Seibei's son,
Inokichi, Ushitora's brother (the dumb one),
Unosuke, Ushitora's other brother (the gun one),
Tazaemon, the silk merchant (the mayor) allied to Seibei,
Tokuemon, the sake brewer (also the mayor?) allied to Ushitora,
and there's half a dozen more side characters besides.

Like, I can't memorize all that shit. I already have difficulty distinguishing Seibei from Ushitora, since they're both similar-looking old guys with the same hairstyle. And much of the information given to us about these characters takes place when they're offscreen.

Like, I'm supposed to understand that some rando **** named Kohei sold his wife Nui to Ushitora to settle his gambling debt, and Ushitora gave Nui to Tokuemon.

If I don't have a firm grasp of all of those names and who they represent, I'm ****ing lost. Who's Ushitora? Is he the guy with the wife and son, or is he the guy with the brothers? Who is Tokuemon, is he the sake brewer or the silk merchant? Is he allied to Ushitora or Seibei? Is he the fake mayor or the real mayor?

If it was visually communicated that Ushitora is the dude with the dumb**** who doesn't know that 4 is greater than 2 and that Tokuemon is the lead actor from Seven Samurai who barely gets any screentime in this movie, I'd be a lot less confused, but that information only really trickles in over the course of the movie, and even now only with repeatedly checking the cast list on Wikipedia.

That is by far my biggest issue. One that will fade with repeat watches, but shouldn't take repeat watches in the first place. This movie has such a simple high concept, but can't help but muddy the plot with offscreen interpersonal politics.

Another thing I'm not a big fan of is the music. The more passive orchestration that adds tension and texture to scenes is fine, but as stated previously, the big bombastic themes just kinda sound shitty to me. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I wish this movie would get a proper remake.

Not a Spaghetti Western remake.
Not a modern day remake.
Not a Star Wars remake.
Not a even Jean-Claude Van Damme remake.
I want this movie done again with actual samurai characters.

I know there are more movies featuring Sanjuro, or are functional retellings of Yojimbo, and I may have to watch those, but come on. I know we're talking about Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune here, but let's see this movie done again IN COLOR, with a better soundtrack, with none of the sound effects missing, maybe a bit more blood, and maybe a bit less exposition. It could be done justice.

This is neither positive or negative, but I don't think Sanjuro even makes much money in this movie. He first accepts an advance of 25 ryo and returns it when he discovers Seibei's plan to backstab him. He later receives an advance of 30 ryo, but then rejects it saying he'll wait for another deal. I think there's one moment where he provides information to Seibei and he just digs some coins out of his purse as payment and I think that's all he makes throughout the whole movie.

It would have been nice if, once he'd received some money he spent some of it on Gonji, who's been providing for him the entire movie. Wouldn't that have been a nice moment?

Anyway, overall, I still like this movie. It may grow on me yet, but for now it's:

Final Verdict: rating_3_5 [Good]

Omnizoa

07-21-16, 07:33 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26293&stc=1&d=1469140447

The Four Horsemen

Debate / English / 2008

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Just browsing.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

The Four Horsemen is an amusingly titled 2 hour discussion between four of the most outspoken atheists on the circuit today featuring Richard Dawkins, Daniel, Dennett, Sam Harris, and the late Christopher Hitchens.

I think it's interesting how despite their shared atheism and how atheism as a whole is smeared by the same sort of generalizations currently angled at Islam, they're all fairly distinct in their opinions and fields.

Richard Dawkins roots himself in evolutionary biology and stands firmly in opposition to creationism, strongly advocating the total abandonment of superstition in favor of a universally shared reverence for rational science.

Daniel Dennett, perhaps the more philosophically and culturally inclined of the four, advocates moderating religion through strong secular values such as teaching students all sorts of religions so that they come to the mutual exclusivity conflict on their own.

Sam Harris is more politically minded with a background in neuroscience and also advocates secularism through reformation and the substitution of new interpretations of consciousness and morality.

Christopher Hitchens, probably the most political and controversial of the four, stands most strongly against religion for it's totalitarian implications and during this debate openly admits that he'd have difficulty reconciling with Dawkin's hypothetical world without theists because he enjoys the stimulation of argument.

I think it's interesting seeing all four of them wax philosophical over their various entanglements with religion with all the hurdles they face and the difference between how things used to be and how they're turning out, but for the most part I found the talk kind of boring.

They don't go into any seriously contentious topics and it lacks the spirit of an actual informal debate, it's just four guys sittin' around talkin' and I'm not infrequently disagreeing with their sentiments.

I think it's a lot more interesting in concept than execution.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

07-25-16, 10:24 PM

Rewatched Dark City.

The Nightmare Before Christmas
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
Ink
Mad Max: Fury Road
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
12 Angry Men
Aliens
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Dark City +2
Hook
Back to the Future: Part 2 -2

skizzerflake

07-26-16, 10:57 AM

Dark City is one of my all time fantasy/sci-fi/noir flicks. Because that genre is so restrictive, I'll just say it's one of my favorites among all genres. It's so damn weird, creative and hallucinatory. I've read that the production was a mess, that it was cobbled together and that it has all sort of contradictions of the original plot intention, but so what. Dreams don't generally make much sense either and it's that non-logical, visual aspect of them that make them work, like this movie.

Omnizoa

07-31-16, 05:54 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26458&stc=1&d=1469998439

Point Break

Mystery Crime Drama / English / 1991

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've never seen Point Break.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"We stand for something. To those dead souls inching along the freeways in their metal coffins, we show them the human spirit is still alive."

By robbing them. By robbing them? By robbing them.

Why? That doesn't make any sense. How is anyone supposed to glean this message from having a gun pointed at their face and their property stolen? I don't get this. The bad guys motivations don't make any sense.

This is a very "ehhh..." movie, the characters are only slightly interesting, the dialog is only slightly interesting, the acting is only... OKAY (Keanu Reeves) and the story is a bizarre attempt to blend crime drama with surf culture where it seems half-baked in both departments.

It's pretty obvious they got the wrong guys as soon as the first of their suspects is shot near the middle of the movie, there's no way you're cappin' off your antagonist that early and if they can't be the bad guys then as per dramatic conventions, it must logically be some other characters that have already been established because otherwise you restarting the investigation from square one and the audience feels like you wasted half the movie.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26457&stc=1&d=1469998417

So OF COURSE the bad guys turn out to be the surfer friends Reeves made and the rest of the movie's just kinda... I dunno, stilted?

The first half feels like it was infused with a lot of ****in' around at the beach for literally no other payoff than to suggest that Reeves has spent enough time with Free Willy actress, Lori Petty to justify her becoming his damsel in distress, but it's been what? Two weeks? Spare me.

Perhaps one of the dumbest moments of the movie is the house raid they bring against the false suspects. It's a raid consisting of 4 POLICE who intend to arrest 4 ARMED BANK ROBBERS when they're not even alone. Is this not a terrible idea? Do you not want numbers on your side? Do you want a shooting match to the death? Cause that's obviously what happens.

Perhaps the worst part of that whole scenario is that where's just a random woman taking a shower during the scene so you've got a screaming naked woman running around in the background for seemingly no reason but THEM WOMENS!

She at one point grabs a knife and viciously stabs one of the police twice in the back and I'm like, "Oh crap! She's actually dangerous!" but then someone grabs her arm and she resumes screaming like a hysterical child. OH MY GAWD, **** OFF.

The usual stuff shows up as you might expect in the form of Chicken, Pizza, Meatball Sandwiches, but then it goes to a special place... an oh so special place...

Tuna on Meat.

WHAT!?

Excuse me waiter, I would like Salad on Vegetables WHATISTHISIDON'TEVENWHY!?

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Pretty Good]

Gideon58

08-02-16, 11:01 AM

[CENTER]http://twilighthollowproject.b1.jcink.com/uploads/twilighthollowproject/kissing.gif
humorous.

I think it's pretty funny. Mostly.

http://img.pandawhale.com/post-27756-Plato-Aristotle-Socrates-MORON-Unu1.gif

Wow, you were really hard on this movie.

Omnizoa

08-02-16, 08:43 PM

Wow, you were really hard on this movie.
Really? I like it. That second image may be better placed though, I think Vizzini's one of the most memorable parts of the movie.

Beatle

08-05-16, 10:34 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=25749&stc=1&d=1464887323

A Little Bit About Me:
(So you can decide for yourself whether my reviews are right for you. Alternatively: Recommend Something!)

Hits: Musicals, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Cyberpunk, Steampunk, Punk, 80s Aesthetic, Anime, Action Girls (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ActionGirl), Hyper Action, Martial Arts, German Expressionism, Surrealism, Psychological Thrillers, Movies That Make Me Think, & Obscurities
Actors I Like: Tim Curry, Nathan Lane

Misses: Horror, Westerns, Crime, Pretentious "Art" Films, Overnight Romance, Social Drama, Religion, Military, Bad Writing, Crude Humor, Memes, Pandering To The Lowest Common Denominator, & Non-Vegan Things
Actors I Don't Like: Owen Wilson, Seth Rogan, Simon Pegg

You can find my anime reviews in my Daily Dose of Anime (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=43989) thread.

★ = Favorites

[1] Metropolis (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1445692-metropolis.html), Dragon Tiger Gate (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1455360-dragon-tiger-gate.html), American Psycho, The Secretary, Being John Malkovich [2] Taxi Driver (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1455974-taxi-driver.html), Mean Girls [3] A Clockwork Orange, Nana and Kaoru, Labyrinth, Harold and Maude (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1457913-harold-and-maude.html), Pitch Black (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1458291-pitch-black.html)★, Forbidden Planet [4] V for Vendetta★, Liar Liar, Adventures in Babysitting, Locke (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1467574-locke.html) [5] Something Wicked This Way Comes, Mad Max: Fury Road (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1468630-mad-max-fury-road.html)★, Turbo Kid (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1469311-turbo-kid.html), Imaginaerum by Nightwish (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1469388-imaginaerum.html), Death Race 2000, The New Barbarians (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1470078-the-new-barbarians.html) [6] Death Race [7] Sex and Fury, The Green Slime, Sukiyaki Western Django, Savage Streets (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1472238-savage-streets.html), Hard Boiled (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1472705-hard-boiled.html)★ [8] Female Yakuza Tale: Inquisition and Torture, Kung Fury, Crawl or Die (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1473289-crawl-or-die.html), Cube (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1473427-cube.html), The Night Porter, Alice Thought (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1474832-alice.html), The Wallace & Gromit Trilogy, The Craft [9] Tron (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1478306-tron.html), Airplane!, The Secret of Kells (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1478822-the-secret-of-kells.html), Battle Beyond The Stars (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1479762-battle-beyond-the-stars.html), Barbarella, Looker (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1480403-looker.html), Tombstone (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1481008-tombstone.html), Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory★, The Game (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1481645-the-game.html)★, Seven Samurai (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1482272-seven-samurai.html) [10] Wreck-It Ralph, Lady Snowblood [11] The Stuff (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1483445-the-stuff.html), Lucy (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1483512-lucy.html), Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1484177-batman-v-superman-dawn-of-justice.html), Demolition Man, Assault Girls, Rumble in the Bronx, Titanic (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1484847-titanic.html)★, House of Flying Daggers (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1485263-house-of-flying-daggers.html) [12] The Princess Bride (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1485702-the-princess-bride.html), Strange Days (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1487001-strange-days.html), Flash Point, Police Story, Ace Attorney (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1488001-ace-attorney.html), Dogtooth (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1488563-dogtooth.html), Shaolin Soccer, Police Story 2, Police Story 3: Super Cop [13] Avalon (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1490239-avalon.html), Edward Scissorhands, In The Mouth of Madness (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1500293-in-the-mouth-of-madness.html), Ikiru (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1503469-ikiru.html) [14] Lifeforce, Thought Crimes: The Case of the Cannibal Cop, Wings of Desire (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1518503-wings-of-desire.html), Cirque Du Soleil: World Away (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1521438-cirque-du-soleil-worlds-away.html), Wing Chun (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1521492-wing-chun.html), Cherry 2000 (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1521570-cherry-2000.html), Natural City, Shaolin Challenges Ninja (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1522049-heroes-of-the-east.html), The Gene Generation (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1522907-the-gene-generation.html) [15-16] Schindler's List (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1523163-schindlers-list.html), Chasing Amy (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1523588-chasing-amy.html), The Nightmare Before Christmas (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1523888-the-nightmare-before-christmas.html)★ [17] The Hurt Locker (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1524556-the-hurt-locker.html), Tai Chi Zero [18] 12 Angry Men (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1525680-12-angry-men.html)★, Changeling (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1525965-changeling.html), Wild Zero, National Treasure (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1527012-national-treasure.html), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1527056-underworld-rise-of-the-lycans.html)★, The Tree of Life [19] Starcrash (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1527353-starcrash.html) [20] Commando (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1527762-commando.html), Goodfellas (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1527803-goodfellas.html) [21] Vicious Lips, Dark City (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1529075-dark-city.html) [22] Back to the Future (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1530871-back-to-the-future.html)★, Johnny Mnemonic, Alice in Wonderland (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1532143-alice-in-wonderland.html), Gothic & Lolita Psycho (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1532291-gothiclolita-psycho.html) [23] Twilight Zone: The Movie (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1532411-twilight-zone-the-movie.html), Out of the Blue (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1532680-out-of-the-blue.html), Coraline (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1533274-coraline.html), The Lords of Salem, Ink (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1534215-ink.html)★ [24] Foxy Brown (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1534825-foxy-brown.html), Domino (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1534901-domino.html), The Mist (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1535205-the-mist.html) [25] G.I. Jane (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1535636-g.i.-jane.html), Gypsy 83 (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1537513-gypsy-83.html), Enter The Dragon (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1537627-enter-the-dragon.html), And Now For Something Completely Different (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1537932-monty-pythons-and-now-for-something-completely-different.html)★, Hook (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1538000-hook.html)★, Inception (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1538204-inception.html)★, Aliens (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1538375-aliens.html)★, The Dark Knight (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1538471-the-dark-knight.html) [26] The Crow, The Legend of Drunken Master (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1538937-the-legend-of-drunken-master.html), Tom-Yum-Goong (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1539287-the-protector.html), Zu Warriors from the Magic Mountain, Azumi (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1540037-azumi.html), The Assassin, The Man From Nowhere [27] Gorgeous (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1540685-gorgeous.html), The Raid: Redemption (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1540790-the-raid.html), The Raid 2: Berandal (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1541054-the-raid-2.html), Battle Creek Brawl, True Lies (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1541528-true-lies.html), Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1542573-star-wars-episode-iiattack-of-the-clones.html), Nikita, Rambo: First Blood, Fist of Legend (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1543369-fist-of-legend.html), Casshern (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1543763-casshern.html), Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1544292-raiders-of-the-lost-ark.html), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1544387-indiana-jones-and-the-temple-of-doom.html) [28] Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1544447-indiana-jones-and-the-last-crusade.html), Black Butler (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1545610-black-butler.html), Yojimbo (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1547088-yojimbo.html), The Four Horsemen, Point Break (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1553329-point-break.html), Hapkido,

[Friggen' Awesome][Pretty Good][Meh...][Just... Bad][Irredeemably Awful][WAT]
showthread.php?t=44485&page=X

bligh me, what a fantastic pic! did you make that yourself?

I think we're on the same wavelength. Do you like 2001? Lean, Polanski, Godard? Guinnes, Belmondo, Sean Penn, Kevin Spacey on a goofier side Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Gene Wilder?

I like all your hits, except I don't even know what German expressionism even is. And I'm not a horror. military, crime or western fan either.

I'm ok with Owen. but I think he's not entirely normal either.

I like your faves. :) I'd pick Goodfellas and Enter the Dragon (fights, humor, and most of all Bruce Lee). Alice in wonderland too.

Omnizoa

08-05-16, 02:16 PM

bligh me, what a fantastic pic! did you make that yourself?
Yes, though I've been meaning to replace it.

I think we're on the same wavelength. Do you like 2001?
If you do I don't think we are on the same wavelength. O_o

Lean,
What?

Polanski,
That's a person isn't it?

Godard? Guinnes, Belmondo, Sean Penn,
Oh, I know Sean Penn.

Kevin Spacey
I like him.

on a goofier side Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Gene Wilder?
I like them, I find it weird that Gene's confessed he doesn't think himself as funny though, that he's just written funny.

I like all your hits, except I don't even know what German expressionism even is.
I think I explain it best in my Metropolis review.

Swan

08-05-16, 02:25 PM

Star Wars Episode II:
Attack of the Clones

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

http://replygif.net/i/1322.gif

Beatle

08-05-16, 02:34 PM

Yes, though I've been meaning to replace it.

Thanks. :)

What?

David Lean was a British director, my all time favorite.

That's a person isn't it?

Yes. Roman Polanski is my 2nd fave director.

Omnizoa

08-07-16, 02:22 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26532&stc=1&d=1470547258

Star Wars Episode IV:
A New Hope

Sci-Fi Fantasy Adventure / English / 1977

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reposted from the Rate The Last Movie You Saw thread (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?p=1427286).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Elephants.

It's so hard to get a firm grasp of this movie. I always thought Star Wars was cool, but I was never part of the popular majority that held it up as any sort of masterpiece. Hell, if asked to list my favorite movies it probably wouldn't be anywhere within the first that come to mind.

That said, only three kinds of movies earn permanent spots in my collection:
Movies I Love Above All Others,
Movies I Have Strong Nostalgia For, and
Movies I Just Find Myself Rewatching So Often, I Might As Well Keep It.

Stars Wars easily earns a spot if not for nostalgia, then just for how often I find myself revisiting it. It's a very standard hero's-journey style of movie, but it's unique setting and imaginative elements set it apart.

Very easy to spot miniatures and other obvious special effects are easily dwarfed by how well everything else is executed. I'm completely sold on this world, with no small amount of help from strong acting, interesting characters, and great attention to detail.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26533&stc=1&d=1470547319

This is certainly one of the most fascinating movies to learn about how it was made given how documentaries make it out to have been one big colossal crapshoot that few, if any, people had any real confidence in. But as much as I may find myself intrigued by stop-motion, rotoscoping, or what-have-you, this movie never really clicked with me in that special way other movies have. The music is certainly great, the stakes are high, and it could even make me laugh, but...

All things considered, the story never really takes any serious risks. It's strange to say about a movie I've seen so many times, but it all seems predictable save, perhaps, Obi-Wan's death scene, but even that's never really understandably justified until the sequel.

The only lightsaber fight in the whole movie is one of the series' most important showdowns, but simultaneously it's least interesting. The dogfights are easily the highlight of action in the movie (which would eventually change places with lightsaber fights as the series went on), but it's largely spectacle. We don't see a whole lot of creativity in how they unfurl. The good guys shoot the bad guys, the bad guys shoot the good guys, and eventually enough explosions end the fight. That's pretty much it, and as an action-adventure movie, it leans heavily on this these.

The best thing about Star Wars, I think, is simply the world-building. We never really see any fantastic locations other than the Death Star, we even open up on something as dull as a blank desert. But the characters and vehicles look so alien and yet worn into these locations, that I can easily suspend my disbelief long enough to think that, yeah... It's friggen' rough in Mos Eisley, the interior of the Millenium Falcon seems like a legitimate place, and it's a special kind of satisfaction I get knowing that only with my experience from this one movie, I can blast open and find a real hidden garbage chute in the Death Star in Star Wars: Battlefront 2.

It just feels real, and engaging, and sounds fantastic thanks to excellent foley sounds and John Williams.

It's a good movie. I like it.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26534&stc=1&d=1470547342

I watched the original Special Edition purely on a whim this time, and the more I watch the movie, the clearer to me that as much as I like the additions the Special Edition adds, they really pop out at me, even if I'm not looking at them. Jurassic Park did a phenomenal job with it's CGI, so much so that it's mostly the practical effects that stand out the most in that movie, however Star Wars was not made with CGI in mind, and in these relatively early days, it really only serves to stand out and distract me from a movie that was already accomplishing a believable alien world.

I don't know if the newest Special Editions have cleaned up that old CGI since, and if they did, I would welcome some of it back (the whole Han Shoots First thing is just funny if you're aware of the change, which I wasn't for most of my life), but the CG I saw today mostly detracted from my viewing experience, which is why I currently own the only officially released theatrical version of Star Wars that ever made it on DVD.

That said, I never felt very strongly either way until the changes I heard about being made to the BLU-RAY Special Editions. HOLY HELL WHY.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-07-16, 12:44 PM

http://replygif.net/i/1322.gif
I made my case, what's yours?

Swan

08-07-16, 12:47 PM

I made my case, what's yours?

http://replygif.net/i/1322.gif

Omnizoa

08-07-16, 02:50 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26542&stc=1&d=1470591926

Star Wars Episode V:
The Empire Strikes Back

Sci-Fi Fantasy Adventure / English / 1980

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reposted from the Rate The Last Movie You Saw thread (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?p=1427286).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Lizards, Snakes, Kissing.

For as long as I can remember, when given the option to watch a Star Wars movie, I've almost always gone for Empire Strikes back. Popularly considered the best of the original trilogy, I can't say precisely what provoked that the favor from me so many years back except perhaps my at a glance preference for the VHS covers.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26541&stc=1&d=1470591828

You got Vader above two isolated spaceships shooting at each other, you got Yoda who's hard to look at above a lightsaber duel, and you've got the oddball fan favorite redshirt Stormtrooper above one of the most memorable setpieces in the entire series, an ACTUAL WAR.

Upon rewatching this movie, I thought I might confirm how superior I originally thought it might be to A New Hope, but instead decided that while it's a better movie in general, it's higher highs and lower lows make it more of a lateral move to me.

My best praises for the movie are simply how it completely defies classic sequel conventions and literally attempts to make a movie that's bigger and better than the smash hit that came before it. We see more locations, more spaceships, more land vehicles, it introduces important and memorable new characters, there are heavier plot beats, and even a dramatic twist. Plus, as I already mentioned, the scale of the conflicts have increased dramatically. We see a massive on-ground battle, we see larger forces in space, and we even see a hostile takeover of a city.

Simply put, the stakes have been the raised, the odds are worse for the heroes, and the consequences are much more real. It makes a significantly more exciting movie.

That said, I think Empire Strikes Back falls behind the original Star Wars in one significant way: whereas Star Wars was a very solid, predictable, but excellently presented story, Empire takes a few dips. I suppose it's best to visualize it as a graph. On average, Star Wars retains it's level consistently throughout, and while Empire exceeds it most of the time, there are definite periods of the movie where it lacks.

Of those periods I would point to the significantly more attention paid to Han & Leia's totally forced romance. It seems the "princess" who proved herself strong and independent (in a rather refreshingly unusual way even to this day) in the first movie, has a thing for bad boys like Han, which I feel compromises her character as well as much of the dialog involving her.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26544&stc=1&d=1470592194

If we had seen her relationship develop beyond where we left off in Star Wars, I might have been able to buy their romance, but instead it's just... there. And it doesn't really serve the plot in anyway other than to add drama to the hilariously bad "I love you", "I know" scene near the end. Anakin's "I don't like sand" line from the prequel trilogy is lambasted constantly, but it sounds much more natural in it's respective movie than Han who we're only really rooting for because of the goodwill he's already earned from us so far.

Another dig is easily the Dagobah section of the movie which progresses relatively slow. We're introduced to Yoda during this time and among some laughs we learn more about the rules governing The Force, and develop Luke's abilities across a timeskip.

Unfortunately, the grand setpieces and moments that defined nearly every other part of Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back seem to be on pause while Luke just messes around in a swamp for a good chunk of the movie. This wouldn't be so bad if what we learn about The Force during this time is well spent, but unfortunately the initial explanation of magic in the Star Wars universe is handled extremely poorly.

Firstly, "Do, or do not, there is no try" is one of the worst possible lessons you could try to teach anyone, and I personally find it irritating when it's affected in real life. "Do, don't try" attempts to dissuade pessimistic attitudes by getting people to act instead of doubting their ability to act. The main issue with this is simply that it ignores the logical exercise of "trying" and asserts that you might as well not even try if you can't even do. This flies in the face of a variety of things, including plotpoints in Star Wars.

Yoda argues that the only reason Luke can't imitate his telekinetic ability to levitate spaceships is simply because he doesn't believe it can be done OR that he doesn't believe he can do it himself. It's also shown that his ability to use the Force is marred by his distractions or simply overthinking.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26543&stc=1&d=1470592087

All of this raises the question: If Yoda says size matters not, then what's stopping Vader from exercising his powers on a grander scale? It could easily be argued that Vader is self-confident if even narrow-minded, both of these things would arguably increase his ability to manipulate the Force because he believes in his own powers and can remain focused. If this is true, then what prevented him from simply stopping the Millennium Falcon from escaping Hoth on sight? Couldn't he just reach out and pause it in midair? The poor explanation of The Force's rules seems to create plot convenience.

The only counterarguments I can think of is simply that Vader's power has waned in old age (but we don't really know how old he is at this point), or that inexplicably, he has something constantly annoying him. Perhaps Boba Fett pesters him daily about, "Did you find Han? Did you find Han?" or maybe he spends all that time in the black sphere filling out paperwork to replace all of his dead minions. Maybe that's getting to him? Perhaps he's got a papercut?

Maybe that completely useless scene in the swamp where he randomly appears only to get beheaded is actually a recurring nightmare of his and his masked breathing is a solution to his hyperventilation brought on by anxiety?

The only other real strike against the movie I would make is the Ton-ton scene at the beginning. How disgusting it is besides, it's a major strike against otherwise likable characters to see them thoughtlessly ride other animals out into deadly temperatures just for them to die. **** you, Han. Why are you such a dick to Ton-tons? I know casually trading innocent life like this bothers virtually no one else in the world, but it bothers me.

Beyond that, there's still lots to love about the movie, and I gotta lend big points to a shocker ending that leaves the viewer nearly hopeless before tying it all together in a Halo 2 cliffhanger. Cliffhangers like these suck because they leave so many loose ends, but at least in Star Wars 5's case, it successfully hypes you for the sequel.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-07-16, 07:52 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26547&stc=1&d=1470609996

Star Wars Episode VI:
Return of the Jedi

Sci-Fi Fantasy Adventure / English / 1983

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I never got around to it the first time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Whatever poor animal they butchered to hang up in a tree.

Return of the Jedi is popularly the weakest the original trilogy, but why?

Unilaterally, the answer given is "the Ewoks", but I'm not quite sure what the issue is with them. I suspect some people, perhaps the same people with a Jar Jar Binks complex, have extremely little tolerance for gimmicky characters... even though Star Wars is loaded with gimmicky characters.

More convincingly it could be argued that the Ewoks felt like a marketing tool, pandering to little kids to sell toys. Thing is, Star Wars was already the world's biggest slut for commercial licenses as it was, I never took the franchise to be that cynical. So they're cute, that actually helps the movie you know?

When it comes to the Battle of Endor and we see the Ewoks versus Stormtroopers we have a prime visual analogy for the Rebellion itself. The Empire is sterile and uniform, but the Ewoks are diverse. They don't depend on conventional means of battle, they're resourceful, and the fact that they're shorter than the Stormtroopers only emphasizes the classic underdog scenario at play here. When they die, it's not an anonymous soldier with a political motivation, it's a fuzzy ragamuffin helping his friends. They help to play on the audiences emotions.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26548&stc=1&d=1470610064

And emotions seems to be a bigger focus this time around as well, if arguably so. The world-building is firmly split between Tatooine and Endor with the majority spent on Endor so sadly the movie doesn't feel quite as fresh and varied with regard to it's locations. In fact the movie feels a little rushed, clipping briefly between events often abstracting out major transitional sequences.

It's all in the name of wrapping up it's story, but it manages to do so, I think, satisfactorily thanks to honoring the best conventions of the Hero's Journey, to which Star Wars owes the majority of it's story. The Emperor is finally revealed and he easily produces the most enjoyably throaty quotes in a series that includes James Earl Jones, Han's "I know." moment from Empire is stolen for Leia in a pleasing moment of self-awareness, and the entire movie seeks to redeem it's central antagonist, Vader, through gesture and mild dialog which I think works for the most part.

Yeah, I think I can sympathize with Vader a little bit. I think that's only possible though given that the entire trilogy has rested the nature of villainy on the notion of imperial government and bad guys who kill their own minions when they don't get what they want. It's rather transparent and cartoony, not like the sort of **** Kylo Ren pulls in Force Awakens, we never saw straight up EXECUTIONS, it's a lot harder to forgive the crimes we can see, especially when they're perpetrated against favored characters.

I think the movie does struggle against a lull though and I think it's that lull that proves to be the movie's greatest weakness. The opening sequence lags behind Empire in pace and scale even if it does raise the personal stakes of the characters and it shortly devolves into a sight-seeing trip into Endor that strains memorability if not interest.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26549&stc=1&d=1470610206

Some excellent sequences remain such as Jabba's palace, the speeder bike chase, the Battle for Endor itself, and even the climactic lightsaber duel, but it's the kind of movie that feels like it never quite reaches it's third act, it's second act just keeps going.

Some oddities here and there also stick out, in particular the whole Luke and Leia thing. What exactly was there to gain with this whole subplot anyway? Yoda foreshadows it with the "there is another" line from Empire, but what are we saying here? Luke was too old to begin the training despite his familiarity, but they could rely on Leia to roll in with her noob shirt and her noob boots and her noob buns and get **** done?

I'm not saying it's not possible, but how much time passed between Empire and Jedi anyway? Empire ends with Luke saying he'll go to Tatooine to find Han, then we open on Tatooine. Are we to assume that he went to Tatooine, turned around, went back to Dagobah, ****ed around in the swamp long enough to Yoda to crust away, and then returned to Tatooine? If Luke fell into the Sarlacc today would Slave Leia be next in line to defeat the Emperor?

Even if we were to grant that, it pretty churlishly flies in the face of Luke's hero arc which concludes at this point too.

In the first movie he's a farmboy,
in the second movie he's an apprentice,
in the third movie he's sending veiled threats of violence to criminal organizations... which he can deliver on.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26550&stc=1&d=1470610312

Leia's revelation as his sister in this movie is no great twist and if anything it only serves to reinforce her already obvious shipping with Han through extremely vague incestophobia.

Altogether, I think it's a fun movie and a solid close to one of the greatest trilogies of all time. By my bet, yeah, I'd agree it's the weakest of the three, but it shouldn't be ignored, it has too much good going for it.

My personal commendations to a series that typifies a worn out story and shows what makes it great without forsaking creativity.

As a final note I'd like to add that while I have no particular dislike for remasterings or digital improvements, some of which can be excellent additions, I do value the originals and recognize changes such as those present in Jedi can be detrimental. That anyone thought dubbing Vader's "NO" from Revenge of the Sith over the climax of Jedi is baffling.

This isn't some technical or budgetary aspect of the movie that couldn't have been achieved in the 80s, this is meddling with the most important moment in the biggest, most successful, most influential sci-fi franchise of all time. **** OFF.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-12-16, 10:11 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26578&stc=1&d=1471007420

Ip Man

Martial Arts Drama / Chinese / 2008

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Frequently cited among greatest martial arts movies-of-all-time lists.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Feathers. I don't know from what, but they're there.

Despite my tenuous belief that Donnie Yen has mildly better acting range than Jet Li, I gotta admit, this is a firm step below Fist of Legend.

And that comparison is apt too since there seems to be a recurring theme of setting these movies against of the historical backdrop of smarmy Japanese businessmen types invading and taking big fat dumps on the humble Chinese' front porch.

This time, it's not even apparent that that's what we're in for the first third of the movie where a humorous, if unfunny (if you catch my meaning), scenario is interrupted by dramatic onscreen captions informing us BUT THEN, THAT'S WHEN THE JAPANESE INVADED.

There are a couple dramatic moments following this point that I liked, but for the most part this movie was just friggen' BORING, the sort of boring you'd expect from sterile biographical drama.

We gotta establish this character because they were relevant to Ip Man's life... then we gotta establish this relationship, because of similar of reasons... none of which significantly affect the plot.

Two or three characters I kept confusing with one another because they look so similar and their roles are infrequent and generally unapparent.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26577&stc=1&d=1471007399

It's just sluggish and that's not a word I want to use to describe an action movie.

How is the action? Pretty MEH. Seriously, I don't know how people watch this and come away saying this is one of the greatest movies of it's kind, I mean Fist of Legend wasn't ball-out-of-the-park exceptional, but it had a decent story and at least one really unique fight on top of having generally engaging and frequent fight sequences, this was just weak.

It also loses points for the BEYOND CLUMSY Bruce Lee name drop right before the credits. You couldn't have even had a scene where an actor seen from behind walks into his class and introduces himself by name, no just BTDUBS HE TRAINED BRUCE LEE KTHANXBAI.

You won't see anything in this movie you haven't seen before and none of it is done better. Don't bother.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

08-13-16, 09:46 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26582&stc=1&d=1471092249

Pirates of the Caribbean:
The Curse of the Black Pearl

Fantasy Adventure Comedy / English / 2003

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessing for action-oriented purposes.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"That is, without a doubt, the worst pirate I have ever seen."

Horses, Donkeys, Dogs, Pigs, Monkeys, Fish, Shrimp, Chickens, Parrots, and bird **** jokes weren't the most disgusting thing to come of it.

Having been on the actual Disney Pirates of the Caribbean ride before it actually became a movie and they reinvented it to fit their new franchise, I was also skeptical of how the iconic depiction of the archetypal pirate theme, inspired by the likes of Robert Louis Stevenson's book, Treasure Island, would fair with it's memorable jingles and sense of adventure intact, especially in a modern Disney age.

While I do not believe it truly managed to encapsulate the feeling of going on that ride, it does manage to plunder distant feelings of nostalgia. But that's just a bow wrapping the package that includes a few neat things, the best of which being Johnney Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow.

Strangely, Sparrow's not even the biggest item in the box as screentime is shared fairly evenly between him as the comedy relief and the two main protagonists, Swan and Will, played by Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom.

I feel that Knightley fails to live up to the screen presence she had in Domino and I'd blame that in part on her character, while Bloom, for all intents and purposes, is just playing Legolas with substantially fewer badass points.

It's a shame that neither of these screenhogs really bring their A-game here as much as I might enjoy Bloom's Westley-esque bumbling swordsman facade, but it's more than made up for in Depp's performance who I think finally finds his defining character amidst all the oddballs in his resume.

Sparrow's just a lot of fun to have around, he seems to be in a perpetual state of semi-drunkenness which belies moments of intellectual clarity and this contrast blends well with his drawl which fleets between ignoring conjunctions and word salad. His unpredictability, which is even directly referenced, is exactly what makes him an interesting character, and he becomes particularly enjoyable when his self-absorbed demeanor becomes generous and even self-deprecating. Even more so than Swan and Will is how well he plays off of the sterner antagonists like Norrington and Barbossa who don't suffer his ****, but aren't one-dimensional enough to refuse his suggestions entirely out of hand.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26583&stc=1&d=1471092283
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means 'no'."

Frankly, I enjoyed both of them as well, more so than Swan and Will too. I think the biggest issue here is simply that Swan is little more than a damsel in distress and Will is the love-stricken apprentice whose presence inexplicably fades in the wake of Sparrow who isn't even terribly dominating.

Altogether the movies has a couple genuine chuckle moments while delivering a hearty pirate tale complete with a naval battles, sea shanties, plenty of booty, and a touch of superstition.

Besides all of the animals that were dragged into the film, I'd have to say the worst part is just the overall weak romance central to our two protagonists. Beyond that the story stumbles over a few plotbeats.

Why do the pirates care that Swan drops the medallion in the water when we find out later they can just walk underwater and pick it up?

Why does Norrington reject the idea of interrogating Sparrow over the Black Pearl's whereabouts because the pirates "are not his allies"? That's EXACTLY why he would help you!

What the hell was Will doing before he trapped himself in his own sinking ship? It reminded me of Lois Lane nearly drowning herself in Batman v Superman.

What's with the curse wounds? Barbossa shot while flesh suffers his gunshot wound after he's un-cursed, and at least one other pirate dies the same while bones, so why doesn't Jack die? He got stabbed in the chest so doesn't it stand to reason that he suffer that chest wound once he's been un-cursed too?

I suspect this is excusable if, as implied with the bomb right before in the same scene, that stepping out of moonlight will "heal" bone to flesh, which would mean Jack would've healed from his gunshot wound as soon as he stepped back out of moonlight, but this is a VERY loose inference given all the information we have. The movie makes a specific judgment based on not-entirely-established rules and that always feels a bit cheap in movies.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26584&stc=1&d=1471092345

Anyway, I thought it was fun and, in my opinion, the source of the last really memorable blockbuster character prior to Heath Ledger's Joker.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

CosmicRunaway

08-13-16, 09:57 AM

I rather liked the first Pirates of the Caribbean, however the sequels sort of ruined it a little. I just stopped caring about the series completely and don't even remember if I've seen the newest one or not.

Are you only watching this one, or are you going to review all of them?

Omnizoa

08-13-16, 03:00 PM

Omnizoa

08-13-16, 05:37 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26594&stc=1&d=1471120497

Pirates of the Caribbean:
Dead Man's Chest

Fantasy Adventure Comedy / English / 2006

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Also reassessing for action-oriented purposes.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Why is the rum always gone?"

Horses, Parrots, Dogs, Pigs, Goats, Monkeys, Kissing.

Falling into that category of franchises that attempt to draw a direct sequel from a self-contained story, Dead Man's Chest is already fighting an uphill battle. How does it do? I think it does well.

Not only does every memorable character from the first movie return, some even with more lines and narrative relevance, this movie makes no mistake about who it is you're here to see, this is Sparrow's story from start to finish. Jack's just as swanky and likeable as in the first movie showing they haven't yet run him stale and his uncertain qualities are given even more attention from his fleeing and return to save the day by the end of the movie to the entire plot effectively hinging on his inability to decide on what he wants.

Will and Swan's romance is pushed into the background, but they stubbornly remain attached to the plot by virtue of have narrative ties to the first movie.

Davy Jones is the new baddie on deck this time and as most have said, Bill Nighy The Vampire Guy makes for a likable rumbling performance on par with the CG likes of Andy Serkis as Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Davy Jones, design-wise, is arguably more impressive visually given his facial tentacles which have to have been most of the most crazy difficult things to animate realistically, draping and flowing objects those, particularly when they're supposed to fall and move against each other tend to test the extreme limits of what physics emulation can do. You can generally tell quality animation from how well they manage this recurring concept.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26595&stc=1&d=1471120537

The rampant CG appears, to me at least, to look better than the somewhat cheesy skeletons of the first movie, not just quality-wise but also in design. It was cool to see actors rapidly shift from live-action to CG, that must of been and incredible challenge, but I must admit I liked the Flying Dutchman crew better due to the fact that each of them looks to have uniquely adopted elements of the sea into their bodies.

I feel the action ramps up this time around too, with Will and Swan pushed closer to the background, Norrington and our two other comedy relief from the first movie come closer to the foreground, regularly rotating which of them share scenes together and eventually pitting their allegiances against each other like real pirates. The cannibal island sequence is a fun distraction (even if I personally loathe how The Dog gets the shaft at the end), but the highlight for me comes with the three-way fight between Will, Norrington, and Jack which is played seriously just as much as it's played for laughs.

This three-way however comes with the unfortunate caveat however that Swan has officially transitioned into Bitch Mode. They make a feeble attempt to piratize her along the way, but it's only enough to offset the in-world sexism that compartmentalizes her character, it's not enough to help how she's written.

There's just something profoundly facepalmy about a woman, teeth-bared and threatening a port authority at the point of a gun to his face being immediately followed by her reaching down, lifting up her dress, and shuffling away. That's like a drug dealer acting like a grandmaster pimp right before he sees a cop and trips over his own pants because his crotch is at his knees.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26596&stc=1&d=1471120561

When she's just standing there alone, screaming at a swordfight which verges dangerously on a "boys will be boys" moment, I've pretty much lost any interest in seeing her live. If she dies, good, I don't care, she's just another impotent female character with scarcely anything I would term a redeeming quality.

And then the ending, which it seems everyone complains about.

It's a CLIFFHANGER. Frankly, I don't get people's hate for such things, I thought it was a damn good cliffhanger. Jack has his climactic face-off with the Kraken and we see the return of an enjoyable personality from the first movie without warning making for a solid twist to leave off on. I consider it an exceptional ending, one that definitely hypes me to see the sequel.

If there's one criticism I have of the ending it is that it sets up At World's End as a "search for Jack" story when it's SWAN... THAT KILLED HIM.

What the hell, bitch? Seriously? He comes back to save your ass and you leave him to die? Then you're all tears and sorry goin' on about you'll "go to the ends of the earth" to save him?

YOU COULDN'T STAND TO FIT HIM IN A ****IN' ROWBOAT!

Bonus points to the music. Solid soundtrack. I swear I've heard that Davy Jones theme somewhere before though, hmmmm...

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-13-16, 09:51 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26603&stc=1&d=1471135886

Pirates of the Caribbean:
On Stranger Tides

Fantasy Adventure Comedy / English / 2011

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

N-HA! You thought I'd watch At World's End, right? Nah, **** that movie's boring, let's watch On Stranger Tides. Reassessorama!

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"If I don't kill a man every now and then, they forget who I am."

Fish, Horses, Dogs, Chicken, Pigs, Kissing.

At World's End was wildly overdramatic for the movies that birthed it and I'd just come away with the same complaints that I had with the first two movies: Too much Swan and William.

So here we are with the first spin-off movie featuring Jack Sparrow front and center and with the most popular complaint, Swan and Will, nowhere to be seen... people claim this is weakest of the movies?

Frankly, I am not in agreement. I wouldn't seriously consider it better than 1 or 2, but it's a solid step above 3 at the very least.

A series of episodic adventures featuring Jack Sparrow is exactly what these movies should have been, but alas, I'll admit, he does wear little thin in this movie.

The movies opens fantastically and closes in a similar manner, both in square doses of genuine humor, however it's the 2nd act that seems to drain most heavily on the movie, I would say largely due to an excessive amount of exposition.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26601&stc=1&d=1471135588

In the previous movies exposition was naturally drawn out through character interactions, they each find themselves in pressing circumstances and they fight each other, strike bargains, and logically arrive at conclusions which drive the plot forward. You plainly can see this in the first movie when Jack and Will are alone on a ship and Will draws his sword on Jack for suggesting his father is a pirate. Even though the example is a relatively obtuse matter of hanging Will over the water and having Jack talk at him, this is scene is still accomplishing more than one goal; it's not just telling us that Will's dad was a pirate, it's also telling us what Will and Jack think of him as well showing how both of them can come to a tentative alliance despite their animosity towards one another, not by telling us, but by showing us.

In On Stranger Tides there's just too much one person explaining the story to another person.

Fortunately the second act is at least home to the mermaid scene which I think surprised the **** out of everybody who thought it was just as silly as it sounds. DON'T **** WITH MERMAIDS, DUDE.

Unfortunately the true silliness comes in the form of the bizarre inclusion of The Cleric character. I get that there's a recurring theme of wanting to redeem Blackbeard and that the Spanish actually just want to destroy the Fountain of Youth out of religious disdain, but this guy spends the majority of his screentime hitting up a mermaid for an interspecies romance. And it's ****in' weird.

Blackbeard himself is a fine villain on his own, but I've also thought that Davy Jones is a hard act to follow, so while he pulled his own weight it feels cheap that they gave him superpowers for no reason other than what I assume is an attempt to make him feel somewhat as threatening as what passed for The Grim Reaper in the previous movies.

He can telekinetically control his ship with his sword, he has zombified crewmen, and he can harm people through voodoo dolls. NONE of this is previously established and Whatsherface's prophecy is entirely unexplained too.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26600&stc=1&d=1471135544

In fact, as much as I can't remember the name of Whatsherface, she was a marked step above Swan as the female lead which is ironic because they literally refer to her as a "damsel" and she never really fulfills those criteria in my book.

Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter makes an amusing appearance, Barbossa takes a... questionable character shift from pirate captain to navy captain only to go pirate again by the end of the movie and you know what? Gibbs doesn't get enough love. He's a fun side character.

Again, the ending is great with Sparrow having more than one great moment including a genre-savvy Logic Bomb where he outright stops a fight to ask why it is anyone but the main characters are fighting, but there is one issue I picked out:

How is that with as much exposition that this movie managed to cram in that it never once established whether or not it was the Mermaid's tear that made the Fountain's water give life or take it?

Feels weak, but even the obvious twist is pulled off to satisfaction when the music drops out. Lookin' forward to Dead Men Tell No Tales, but so long as you're draggin' in all these animals don't expect me at the theater.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-14-16, 02:25 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26605&stc=1&d=1471195447

Project A

Martial Arts Comedy / Chinese / 1983

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Haven't seen it yet.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Milk and a dove. Surprised that's all there is.

In this flik Jackie Chan plays Dragon Ma, a coast guard who investigates a government pirate conspiracy.

Written and directed by Jackie Chan you can expect no shortage of his typical brand of humor for better or worse, and you can also expect Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao along for the ride.

As per usual, the plot is silly, oftentimes arcane, and generally unengaging beyond the slapstick around the edges. It's easy to lose track of who the characters are referring to or what they're specifically trying to accomplish, but that's typical for these sorts of movies, the real question is how're the fight scenes?

We have a healthy collection of 5 fight scenes, the bar fight at 9 minutes, club fight at 34 minutes, bike chase at 48 minutes, handcuff fight at 58 minutes, and the hideout fight at 1 hour 36 minutes.

The first two are pretty bland only slightly above average as far as movie fight scenes tend to go, the bike chase and hideout fight however are extensive action sequences that go for 10 or more minutes each and feature some pretty decent moments including bringing new definition to the term, "carpet bomb". I've never seen a Big Bad go out so cartoonishly.

This movie features the classic Safety Last! homage which precedes the infamous awning fall stunt where Chan falls 60 feet through two awnings onto his head.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26606&stc=1&d=1471195487

Bizarrely, they do a double take of this, not just repeating the same take twice, but LITERALLY a second take, they repeat the exact same shot twice and he falls differently. They even show an outtake during the credits which is also different showing that Chan actually performed the drop at least 3 times, all landing on his neck and head.

This is one of those moments that pulls me out of the movie, if I weren't counting the comedy acting, but they make a similar mistake in the hideout fight when the good guys are running around knifing pirates and it cuts like 3 or 4 times on separate occasions to somebody stabbing down into a dummy chest, the only difference being the color of the chest.

Despite the action, I'm inclined to say the best part is during the club fight when Chan's piece-of-****-corrupt superior officer orders him to stand down on the authority of the club owner even though the club owner is knowingly hiding fugitives.

Chan says he quits, leaps on the chandelier, swings up to the second floor, busts down a door, finds the guy, smashes him through a table, and hurls him back to ground floor at the feet of the guy who told him not to. It looks REALLY HARD.

It's a really satisfying **** you moment, but it's later followed by this disturbing line that he can't actually quit because desertion is punishable by hanging. WOW. You work for the military to pursue justice and when the military is corrupt and you want to quit, it's their policy to kill you.

WHY DID YOU EVEN SIGN UP FOR THIS JOB???

Overall, I'd say the movie is slightly above average for a martial arts movie but it still suffers heavily for it's plotting and forgettable action sequences.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

08-14-16, 08:25 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26613&stc=1&d=1471216932

The Lord of the Rings:
The Fellowship of the Ring

Fantasy Action Adventure / English / 2001

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

One ring to reassess them all.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing."

Horses, Pigs, Goats, Parrots, Sheep, Chicken, Dogs, Cats, Ferrets, Moths, and Birthdays.

What I said of Indiana Jones holds true here as well; the worst part of the any of these movies is the animals, particularly the horses, they involve in the production. It's a common problem with fantasy novels as well, but it's worse when the concept is taken to screen. Actual horses have been seriously injured and killed in the making of these movies and while it's unfortunate that anyone should die for entertainment, it's unforgivable when the deaths occur to those who haven't a choice to their inclusion in the movie.

With that said I will once again be judging this movie according to my own desensitized perspective. Realistically, I should feel entirely divorced from these characters for the roles they assert over other animals, but it is a crushing weakness of mine to empathize even in an anthropocentric echo chamber.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26614&stc=1&d=1471216953

BUT ENOUGH, even I get tired of talking about this stuff. So WHAT'S the deal with Fellowship?

Well, it's kinda ****ing awesome.

As the epic film adaption of the books from which modern fantasy tropes have been stolen hand and foot, this near 3-hour nerdgasm finally brings to the screen unlike any before the breadth and scope of low-magic grand fantasy novels, from their world-building lore, to their cavalcade of characters, to their near-superhuman mass conflicts which have so inspired Dungeons & Dragons.

Despite the staggering length, or perhaps because of the staggering length, Fellowship excels in one of the most important areas it could: pacing. There's so much going on in this movie, but it never quite stoops to flat exposition while the action and suspense rolls in carefully regulated waves of intensity. It keeps you interested and this is also due in no small part to the conservative delivery of the story which never really lingers overlong in any one place.

I will admit that the first third of this movie, while good, doesn't match the heights of it's second and third act, and resultingly can feel like a bit of a slog to sit through to get to the really good stuff. The beginning of the story in fantasy novels are never really the highlight anyway, they're all about getting the hero out the door and while there's great interplay between Gandalf and Bilbo in regards to the temptation of the ring it still doesn't meet the heights that it will leave you at by the end.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26612&stc=1&d=1471216900

The characters are fantastic too, though Legolas and Gimli have little to contribute and Merry and Pippin are at worst burdens on the company, Frodo develops well enough and even though his interaction with Sam is rather limited, you get a strong sense of friendship between them by the end you really don't want to see break up.

Meanwhile Aragorn is earning badass points left and right and Sean Bean is off getting himself killed, but not without redeeming his troubling character with a pretty badass death sequence in it's own right.

Gandalf easily cements himself as a good guy from square one, but it's pleasing that he can be an intimidating mother****er when he means to as well. His death sequence is justifiably emotional and the whole movie is a pretty solid tearjerker by the end.

I could credit that to editing, but it would be a disservice not to mention the phenomenal backing music which carries a couple core leitmotifs throughout the journey to great effect, rightly emulating Northern European folk music (that Irish stuff is potent!).

The scope and design are incredible too with only the scant moment of obvious CG stunts. The orcs look great, ugly as they may be.

If I'm to make any narrative criticisms it'd be two:

Firstly, the romance between Aragorn and Arwen starts here and as it will continue to be throughout the series, it's generally two people unemotionally coddling each other talking about Arwen giving up her immortality for some reason. Their relationship is THOROUGHLY uninteresting and this subplot about Arwen's immortality being contingent upon her... virginity? Affection? Vows? I dunno, I don't think it's ever explained and even if it were it's still an incredibly weak plotbeat.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26615&stc=1&d=1471217085

Other than that I would be remiss not to question why Arwen cries over Frodo? Is it just his crippled desiccating body that brings her to tears? Is this her over-sensitive elven empathy (do I have that)? I dunno either, she's shared mere minutes of screentime with him and suddenly she's choking up over him dying.

You haven't even had the chance to get attached to him yet, what's the deal?

I would consider this one of those series that not only does the books justice, but does them better. The books can be a right chore to read, but this is a very digestable adaption that doesn't trim anything it needs and even rewards readers with easter eggs.

Anyway, I'd mark this down on that list that'd earn a 5 from me IF ONLY...

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-15-16, 02:29 PM

Rewatched Strange Days. Still a solid movie. :up:

Omnizoa

08-15-16, 05:48 PM

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Chocolate

Martial Arts Action / Thai / 2008

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Has appeared on a few badass female action hero lists.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Chocolate, named after the unlabelled M&Ms which make recurring appearances for seemingly no other reason than to be called back to, is about two gangster lovers. One of them gets pregnant and due to circumstances separate, the mother, Zin, giving birth to a daughter, Zen, who turns out to be an autistic savant, special skill: kicking ass.

After growing up on video games and Tony Jaa movies (they literally show both Ong Bak and The Protector which I only now realize is because it's the same director for this movie), Zen with the help of her childhood friend, Fatso, decide to hit up Zin's old contacts for the money they owe her so they can afford treatment for her non-specific life-threatening illness.

There are 4 fights overall: the bridge at 18 minutes, the ice factory at 33 minutes, the warehouse at 38 minutes, and the hideout at 1 hour and 2 minutes which lasts for damn near 20 minutes and follows Zen in and around the building.

Generally speaking, this is precisely the sort of movie martial arts fliks should aspire to, I think. It's edited to tell a story largely through visuals (what little dialog there is is frequently told in rough English for some reason) and with an appropriate backing track the entire movie plays out like a musical montage which is GREAT in my opinion. It really keeps the ball rolling and the show-don't-tell aspect puts a lot of emphasis on narrative engagement through visuals, which if you haven't already it figured out... is exactly what action sequences are.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/tumblr_o3fhqvRyvq1v4u49oo1_500.gif

I got sucked into this movie very easily and it helps that Jeeja Yanin, who plays Zen, pulls off the autistic angle very well even though it's naturally jarring to see it transition directly into martial arts.

Another jarring aspect is that we only ever see Zen watching Tony Jaa movies and yet in her first serious fight at the ire factory she full on channels yowling Bruce Lee. Considering that the following fight at the warehouse employs a lot of props and environmental awareness, it's a bit of a disappointment that such a solid concept skips out on the perfect opportunity to pay homage to different movie martial artists in turn.

You did Bruce Lee's Jeet-Kune-Do, you basically pulled a Jackie Chan proptacular, you coulda followed that with a Tom-Yum-Goong-esque bone breaking sequence OR SOMETHING I dunno, I saw stars and wished they'dve followed through.

The bridge fight is more amusing than anything, the ice factory is okay, the warehouse is pretty darn good, and the hideout fight has a lot of variety to it including an absolutely bizarre sequence in which another twitchy mentally handicapped kid gets pitted against her who's not only unpredictable, but can breakdance up and down her face.

If there's anything else to criticize I'd say it's the uncertainly of specific gangster alliances, a weird emphasis on evil transvestites, and... oh yeah, I forgot a fight scene.

The meat market fight. It's a... it's exactly what you think it is.

And it's... REALLY HARD to recommend this movie when there's a several minute block of that **** in it.

Anyway, looking up Jeeja Yanin reveals she's since starred in This Girl is Badass!! which I've seen recommended here before and Raging Phoenix which promises Chinese Drunken Boxing vs. Drunken Muay Thai and B-Boy fights. SIGN ME UP.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

08-15-16, 09:22 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26632&stc=1&d=1471306781

Yes, Madam

Martial Arts Action Comedy / Chinese / 1985

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Another recurring entry in action heroine lists.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"That's typical of women, always talking."
"That's right, that's why their tongues are much longer."
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!"

Chicken.

WHY ARE THERE NO SEQUELS!? Okay, there are sequels, but they're not REAL sequels, I'm talkin' about more Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock kickin' ass together, there needs to be more of THAT.

Yes Madam A.K.A. Police Assassins A.K.A. In The Line of Duty A.K.A. Police Assassins 2 is a buddy cop movie where relatively peaceful Michelle Yeoh teams up with more aggressive Cynthia Rothrock to track down the killers of the former's husband. In the process they become embroiled in gang plot to silence a trio of comedy goons involved in petty theft and forgery who inadvertently come into possession of microfilm that contains incriminating evidence against them.

Right off the bat I can tell you that it suffers from an unfocused plot; there's way more attention paid to the comedy goons than our two leading ladies and the death of Michelle's husband is never mentioned again past the setup.

There's more than one tasteless molestation joke and continuity suffers when no one notices the back of a guy's head is supposed to have a fresh bullet hole in it or when Michelle and Cynthia (of course) quit the force and give up their guns only to show up armed in the next scene.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26633&stc=1&d=1471306808

There's even one instance of a falling man getting hit by a bullet and suddenly rotating backwards in mid-air.

I'll even be so critical as to complain that there are only really two standout fight scenes in the whole movie outside the CRAZY OVER-THE-TOP opening, but I'd still say it's worth it.

It actually reminded me heavily of Commando which came out the same year, it just BLEEDS 80s cheese from the obvious speed ramping to the overacting to the one-liners to the synthwave background music. There's also a guy with a brutally fake mustache and eyebrows.

Even with only a couple brief tussles to bookend the actual fights, the fights themselves are all good, with the apartment fight mid-way through being particularly creative in it's environmental use and the final showdown kicking LOADS of ass with both Michelle and Cynthia pulling off some seriously wicked looking moves.

Most of the movie is comedic dicking around with the goons and it's entertaining enough to keep me engaged from the door-off-the-hinges opening to the nutso bonkers ending.

BUT, I have to say, there is something that everything else in this movie pales in comparison to... the dubbed Villain Laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk-Q-OmQuqE

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-23-16, 05:02 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26725&stc=1&d=1471982488

Raging Phoenix

Martial Arts Action Drama / Thai / 2009

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I had to watch it after that description.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Heyhey! No non-humans to be seen!

"Love", Kissing, Marriage, Monogamy Syndrome.

So the description was a bit of a lie. Marketed as B-Boys meets Chinese Drunken Boxing meets Drunken Muay Thai, we really get one prevailing combat style: Drunken Muay Thai.

Which looks an awful lot like Capoeira.

The main fighting style for the film, Meyraiyuth, is a fictional drunken style of B-boying infused Muay Thai which strongly resembles Capoeira.

I'M NOT COMPLAINING. After Tom-Yum-Goong, I want to see more Capoeira fights, they can be sick. And they are, when they're done well.

There are 6 main fights in the movie, the first is the strangest since it involves one guy fighting off gang members on really stupid-looking razor-blade spring-shoes which remind me that really ridiculous weapon from Soul Calibur 3, and the second one features a 3vAll drunken b-boy smackdown set to phat beats.

Unfortunately, I think this is the best fight in the movie, the style of fighting drifts way off by the end and the advertised Drunk vs Drunk fight near the end is disappointingly brief and nearly unrecognizable for what it's supposed to be.

The only other fight that stands out to me is part of the second-to-last which features what can only be described as "pair dancing martial arts". Try to imagine the ice skaters from Ranma 1/2, that's basically what you're getting.

Altogether, the fights are refreshingly creative, way more than others, but the couple standouts too little to stem the boredom of the lesser fights and the whatever story.

http://twilighthollowproject.b1.jcink.com/uploads/twilighthollowproject/phoenix.gif

The story follows Deu who opens the movie as a band drummer before she interrupts a performance to go flipout on her boyfriend who's talking to another woman.

*SIGH* Yeah, she's not a particularly likable character.

She does eventually meet up with more likable characters, Sanim, Pig Sh*t, Dog Sh*t, and Bull Sh*t (yes, those are literally their names).

The four (or 3, we're not aware of Bull until later) are drunk-ass beach bohemians inexplicably blessed with a fancy condo that's always just offscreen. Sanim was late to the alter with his wife to-be Pie (interesting how I remember all these names isn't it?) right before she's kidnapped by the Jaguar Gang who killed Dog Sh*t's wife because he was investigating them.

All 4 of them are miserable and by the miracle that is Meyraiyuth, that makes them powerful martial artists.

Turns out the inexplicability doesn't end there. The Jaguar Gang's ultimate plan is to kidnap smelly women, force them to cry, collect their tears, extract pheromones from them, process those pheromones into an valuable aphrodisiac that causes sex addiction, and this entire scheme takes place in an elaborate underground fantasy dungeon run by THIS WOMAN:

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26726&stc=1&d=1471982540

HOLY SH*T.

My biggest problem with the whole movie is two-fold:

1.) Not enough breakdancing. Never enough breakdancing.

2.) It takes itself too seriously, they needed to cheese the **** out of this.

Hopefully This Girl is Kickass!! can see us some peak Yanin.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

edarsenal

08-24-16, 11:14 PM

I've only gotten through the most recent pages and they've made me want to read the older ones.
Like with a number of others here, whether I agree or disagree with your views is completely irrelevant; it's how you state them that make for great reading.
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE UTTERLY ENRAGED ABOUT SOMETHING that I have the most fun reading.

SERIOUS ****ing reps for your epic and entertaining reviews

Omnizoa

08-24-16, 11:53 PM

edarsenal

08-25-16, 12:25 AM

oh, yeah!
Black Butler
the caliber of your retort for being so infuriated by how badly they "***ed up" the very core of the original was a frickin joy to behold.

BRAVO

http://i.imgur.com/1XMRYII.gif

Omnizoa

08-25-16, 12:31 AM

oh, yeah!
Black Butler
the caliber of your retort for being so infuriated by how badly they "***ed up" the very core of the original was a frickin joy to behold.

BRAVO

http://www.llllitl.fr/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/applause-gif-audience-public-applaudissements-bravo-congratulations-cinema-movie-gif-moi-moche-et-mechant-gif-wtf.gif

For your reading pleasure: LINKY (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?anchor=1&p=1444986#post1444986)

Omnizoa

08-26-16, 06:34 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26737&stc=1&d=1472247243

Armour of God II:
Operation Condor

Martial Arts Action Comedy / Chinese / 1991

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

They really messed up the foreign titles for these movies so I don't know which order they're supposed to be in.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"African vampires don't like Chinese blood."

Camels, Oxen, Bearded Dragons, Dung Beetles, Scorpioooooooooons.

Pretty bog-standard Jackie Chan movie, which is decent... but decent is still pretty forgettable.

This time we got a Jackie Chan take on Indiana Jones with a hunt for nazi gold and I'd say it's slightly funnier than what I've come to expect from his movies, but simultaneously much more reserved in it's action sequences.

There's still PLENTY of action to be had, make no mistake, a couple sequences are pretty darn good and the base fight followed by the giant elaborate fan chamber stage at the end is played with to full effect, but save a couple instances we don't get a whole lot of Chan's A-game, which is to say we don't see much of his hyper-creative prop-heavy action choreography.

Again, there's good stuff to be had, but still toes the line with it's plot which is as routine now as it is boring with occasional exception for the over-the-top middle-eastern stereotype.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26736&stc=1&d=1472247224
"OHHH? YOU WANT GOOD SLEEP? CONDOM? GIVE YOU GOOD SLEEP."

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

edarsenal

08-26-16, 07:30 PM

thanks for the link, will be reading it soon ;)

Omnizoa

08-27-16, 09:57 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26744&stc=1&d=1472302582

The Lord of the Rings:
The Two Towers

Fantasy Action Adventure / English / 2002

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

GUH! Tasteless, movie! A whole year after 9/11 and you name the movie THE TWO TOWERS!? You insensitive prick, spitting in the face of every unborn baby that leapt from the top floor to save it's life! You vile sick piece of scum, you're the ABSOLUTE WORST! You're like a nazi! You must hate America, ya nazi. Communist nazi. Hitler.

Tolkien should be ashamed of himself.

Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Don't tell the elf."

Horses, Sheep, Horses, Chicken, Horses, RABBIT, Horses, FISH, Horseseseseseseseseseseseseesebbblllleeeeegegggghhh

So the nerdpocalypse continues and really I can't help, but wonder, who but the most anal retentive geekhard would prefer the books over the movie? I mean other than the HORSES.

Seriously, when we see Helm's Deep finally realized I can't help but roll my eyes hardcore at people who insist that "the book is always better".

You must have a crazy vivid imagination buddy because I've read the book and it was nowhere near as funny, badass, and engaging as this, loyalty to source material be damned.

I distinctly recall one prevailing complaint with this movie walking out of the theater all those years ago and I still can't forget it: They skipped Shelob.

The giant spider that terrorizes Sam and Frodo actually appears in the Two Towers novel to my wildly unreliably memory, so I was really disappointed that the movie ended before she came up and she got shunted into the third movie.

Despite, the movie's still what, 3 hours long? AT LEAST? Still and incredible credit to one of the most frustratingly overlooked qualities in a movie: the pacing. It kept me engaged the whole way through EXCEPT for one bit...

Aragorn's flashback's to Arwen. No, movie, really. I REALLY don't care about this romantic subplot. I am totally uninvested in this relationship and no amount of flashing back to both of them kissing and glooming over mortality is going to suck me in. This is the perpetual dead spot for all 3 of these movies, all of the Aragorn/Arwen scenes. At least when Elrond's onscreen I give somewhat of a crap, cause Hugo Weaving actually brings some weight to the character. Somehow. Maybe it's just that I like seeing Hugo making an intense face and arguing with people.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26743&stc=1&d=1472302501

We've got a TON of new characters so I'm gonna devote a good chunk to this review just going over them in brief.

Gollum
Despite what's been said of his quality as a CG character and despite my admitted tendency to quote him ("My owwwnnn... my... PRECIOUSSSSSS...") I gotta admit he's really not a favorite of mine. He's got the odd moment of brevity and he works well as an object of sympathy to Frodo and a foil to Sam, but his tendency to make raspy shrieks alongside his incredibly unpleasant moments involving fish and rabbits require a degree of endurance. I will say Andy Serkis does a fine job acting him out and as I've seen by the special features he was one dedicated bastard to mess around in that mocap suit out in the cold.

I rather prefer Caesar from The Planet of the Apes reboot though.

Wormtongue
Brad Dourif. The guy's a creepy looking weirdo like Steve Buscemi, but just like Steve Buscemi he's great at playing creepy weirdos. I'll remember him best from *pulls out official geek card* Myst 3: Exile. NOW THERE'S A ROLE that's perfect for him. He plays the the main villain, driven mad by revenge and isolation and in a static point-and-click game he's legitimately one of the only ways you can die. You're just playing this (admittedly very challenging) story-driven puzzle game when SUDDENLY IT GOES REAL-TIME ON YOU and you have to flee screen by screen to escape Brad Dourif beating you to death with a mallet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxbeGjL4xus

Eowyn
Why does this character exist? Why is she making doughy eyes with Aragorn? Is she the female viewer surrogate so that if audience members doesn't click with Arwen who can't have him for Reason A then they have a backup character who can't have him for Reason B?

Treebeard
He's cool. Neat voice. And funny.

"Hm... that doesn't make any sense to me. But then... you are very small. Perhaps you're right."

Theoden
I like 'em insofar as I can like any other well-acted character who dares claim the title of King of the Horse-Lords.

Faramir
Is this guy in other movies? He should be in other movies. A good contrast to Boromir. Too bad he gets ROYALLY ****ED in the sequel.

As for the rest of the characters:

Frodo and Sam start to gay it up,
Merry and Pippin finally serve some narrative purpose,
Gimli is officially the comedy relief character now,
Legolas is earning badass points faster than he can wash his hair between shots,
and Aragorn is reminding me of Berserk for some reason, I can't figure out how...

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26742&stc=1&d=1472302473
Mmmmmm I should really read Berserk again...

If the idea of a Warg battle doesn't sell you on this movie, then The Siege of Helm's Deep should. I really can't think of another movie that pulled off the medieval fantasy siege concept so well or in such a grand scale (even if it does take a few clear liberties). It's one of the most memorable action sequences I can think of in a movie and there's no shortage of stakes, inventiveness, and the off dose of humor.

Overall, remarkably solid, even if admittedly less emotionally engaging given how much thinner the narrative is spread across all of our characters now.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-27-16, 10:49 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26747&stc=1&d=1472348933

Haywire

Action Thriller / English / 2011

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Kissing and a WTF Deer Strike.

A LOT of big names here, Channing Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton... I can't pin our female lead though.

She looks like Britney Spears, what's her name? Gina Carano? What has she done?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxxnVnlutT4
Oh yeaaaaaaaaahhhh... I 'member you.

Well, how's she do as a badass action heroine?

Okay... I guess... I think the only thing I was really missing from her is a... personality.

You know, I'm inclined to lean towards [Pretty Good] with this movie, but the more I think about it the more criticisms that seem to crop up.

I really don't even know her character's name, wait it's- Mallory. And there's... Stoooooder? AAAAAAAND Kennnnnneth? That's it. And I had to look those up mere minutes after watching this movie.

It's an black ops betrayal story and I had some typical difficulty following it. This isn't unlike all the **** I get fed up with in James Bond movies and military movies, we just assume to know all of these organizations and we see un-established characters talking to one another and I'm immediately confused as to their relationship and what I'm supposed to have gleaned from any given scene.

By the end of the movie it's all much clearer, but a big chunk of it's just this muddy narrative. Why does Mallory immediately suspect her partner? When does that happen? Does she always do that or did something tip her off? What tipped her off?

Neither of the characters say anything so am I just supposed to read into this silent tension?

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26746&stc=1&d=1472348835

Overall I think it's decent and there are a couple light surprises in the mix, but there is a prevailing element that I have a tendency to overlook in these movies and Haywire is perhaps way too obvious with it:

WHY do these movies kill the backing track during fight scenes?

I mean we got these solid groovy tunes in the background that follows our characters between shots, between scenes, and even during chase sequences, but AS SOON as somebody fires a gun or takes a swing, the music runs away and it's just people throwing punch sound effects at each other in dead silence.

Why are you doing that? Stop that. I don't like it. It's distractingly inconsistent. I don't think it makes these fight scenes more intense it just makes them more boring. Let's have some cool fight music.

Ehh... overall it's... okay. It's good at what it does, but... the characters are instantly forgettable the, story is PREDICTABLY OBTUSE (SERIOUSLY THAT'S GETTING ANNOYING), and I really have no interest in seeing it again whatsoever.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

TONGO

08-28-16, 01:06 AM

Curious what your review of MFC pick Young Adult will be Omni

https://cynicalfilm.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/young-adult-uk-poster.jpg

I havent seen it but if you like it then I know itll be good.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 01:29 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26748&stc=1&d=1472358540

Six-String Samurai

Action Comedy / English / 1998

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Been on my watchlist for a long time for ******* OBVIOUS REASONS D'YA HAVE TO ASK?

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Come on, guys. Bowling night isn't 'till Tuesday."

Eggs and other obvious articles.

Lemme pitch this for ya: In 1957, World War 3 ends in a nuclear apocalypse that brings about Fallout: New Vegas world, ruled by none other than King Elvis.

When Elvis dies, Buddy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddy_Holly), armed with a guitar and katana is deadset in going to Vegas and taking his rightful place as king. Along the way he deals with the crazy denizens of the wasteland as well as "Tophat Death" and his heavy metal band who are out to kill him.

If this concept isn't absolute gold I don't know what is. It only really comes into it's own when Buddy starts talking, he looks like a dork, everybody calls him Four Eyes and yet he casually spits stupid serious one-liners like nobody's business. And he does NOT have the voice for it either.

It's intentionally really cheesy and while some of the bizarre comedy falls flat it's got some genuinely funny moments too.

One of my few serious complaints of the movie would be the inconsistent 16:9 to 4:3 aspect ratio squeeze at the beginning of the movie for no real reason.

The fights could have been legitimately more creative too, though big props to the sick guitar duel at the end.

The Kid that ends up following him around serves little than to endear us to the gradually thawing Buddy and the narrative arc ends on an big "PFFFFFWHAT????"

Perhaps the most perplexing part of this movie is just the fact that this is all there is. The main actor, Jeffrey Falcon, apparently did only two other movies after this, which I can't even confirm ever existed, and then just dropped off the face of the map with rumors saying he went to work on movies in China which I also can't confirm have ever existed.

Did the Six-String Samurai really blow away with the wind into parts unknown? Or is he legit just ****in' around with martial arts in China?

THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW, but one thing's for sure, the screen will miss him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYHtoRJjOb4

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 01:30 AM

I havent seen it but if you like it then I know itll be good.
Why do you trust my judgment?

TONGO

08-28-16, 01:44 AM

Why do you trust my judgment?

More cause youd probably be more critical, less forgiving. Its not your first choice of film. So if you like it then it probably would have to have something going for it. :)

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 03:22 AM

More cause youd probably be more critical, less forgiving. Its not your first choice of film. So if you like it then it probably would have to have something going for it. :)
I suppose.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 04:02 AM

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/dqsONQN_zpsaaueqlap.gif

Snake in the Eagle's Shadow

Martial Arts Action Comedy / Chinese / 1978

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I had mentioned to someone that I was watching Jackie Chan movies and had this one recommended to me. Supposedly it's what launched Chan's movie career.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

A Cat, a Cobra, a whole buncha Eggs, and Mosquito-cide which... you know, I have very little mercy for parasites, if they're just gonna get swatted anyway, but if you're breeding something with the explicit purpose of killing it, that still rubs me the wrong way so I'm counting it.

ANYWHOOO, Snake in the Eagle's Shadow is pretty darn solid.

We have Jackie Chan playing the bitch orphan at a martial arts school (which would make a lot of sense if it were a Cat's Claw school, but this is never established) who runs into the Drunken Master of Snake Fist style who's on the run from "The Eagle Claws" who think the Eagle Claw style is top of the playground and eventually he learns the art and defeats the Eagle Claw master. Pretty standard stuff.

Fortunately, the story feels well paced and while it can drift into super rough melodrama, it managed to keep me engaged all throughout, with no small credit given to the Snake master Pai, who's funny and introduces himself with what I think is the best part of the movie: the rice bowl fight, in which he takes out multiple martial arts goons with nothing but a bowl and chopsticks.

There are several fights in the movie, the rice bowl fight (classic), the puppet fight (classic), rice bowl keepaway (which isn't really a fight, but an impressively choreographed sequence regardless), Snake vs Eagle 1, Snake vs Mantis, Snake vs Eagle 2, and finally Snake & Cat vs Eagle.

There's a genuine training sequence in the movie, but there's at least two instances where Jackie massively improves his abilities on his own, the first of which being purely thanks to a short poem and foot diagrams. Really?

http://65.media.tumblr.com/68d356d036dd95607f695d0510f47e16/tumblr_nolqd0Ttad1qegacgo9_1280.jpg

His ultimate solution to defeat Eagle Claw is by augmenting Snake Fist with Cat Claw after he sees a cat kill a cobra (not sure how that logically clicked) and from that point forward his Cat Claw attacks arrive in tandem with the same loud yowling cat noise which is REALLY ****ING ANNOYING, god this is a 70s Hong Kong movie, the audio quality is WAY TOO **** FOR THAT.

Another highlight? A fake preacher dies by nut clutch. Jackie Chan does his Cat Claw at the guy's coinpurse and he shrieks before dramatic zoom in and orchestra sting--!:

HE'S DEAD.

The first (or second if you'd prefer) fight may be the best or most memorable, but all of the fights in this movie were really solid, not prop-heavy, but certainly creative.

And given that this was directed by Yuen Woo-Ping, who also did Drunken Master and Wing Chun, NO ****, I gotta watch more of this guys' movies.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 04:30 AM

Gah. I'm on a roll, but I'm torn on what to watch next.

CosmicRunaway

08-28-16, 10:32 AM

Haywire
You know, I'm inclined to lean towards [Pretty Good] with this movie, but the more I think about it the more criticisms that seem to crop up.

I really did not like Haywire. Not even remotely. But I haven't seen it since it was in theatres, and honestly don't remember why I hate it haha.

Gah. I'm on a roll, but I'm torn on what to watch next.
Forget everything else. You should watch Gen-X Cops (1999) if you haven't seen it before. I'll even let you borrow my VHS copy. ;)

Don't listen to me. You probably shouldn't watch Gen-X Cops.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 02:36 PM

Forget everything else. You should watch Gen-X Cops (1999) if you haven't seen it before. I'll even let you borrow my VHS copy. ;)

Don't listen to me. You probably shouldn't watch Gen-X Cops.
Looks like something I'd watch.

CosmicRunaway

08-28-16, 03:22 PM

I think you'd probably like it more than Young Adult. Gen-X Cops used to be a huge guilty pleasure of mine, but I haven't seen it in about 10 years, so it might be absolutely horrible for all I know haha.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 04:00 PM

edarsenal

08-28-16, 04:03 PM

feel the same about Haywire - couldn't finish it.

Six String Samurai's trailer looks tempting and you got me curious abut Snake in the Eagle's Shadow

Tugg

08-28-16, 04:07 PM

You're saying I should have picked you for TONGO's game aren't you?
Are you going to watch "Young Adult", anyway? :suspicious:

CosmicRunaway

08-28-16, 04:13 PM

You're saying I should have picked you for TONGO's game aren't you?
Based on Tugg's recent recommendations to Miss Vicky in the "Movie You're Watching Tonight" thread, I think Tugg was a good choice (or at least would have been for me haha). :up:

I've actually never heard of Young Adult before, so I don't know if it was a good suggestion or not. I was just saying that you should also put Gen-X Cops on your list since it seems relevant to your interests.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 04:31 PM

Six String Samurai's trailer looks tempting and you got me curious abut Snake in the Eagle's Shadow
Both are good, but don't neglect Dragon Tiger Gate!

Are you going to watch "Young Adult", anyway? :suspicious:
NEXT.

edarsenal

08-28-16, 05:09 PM

I'm almost afraid to try Dragon Tiger Gate; it could so easily be "Why the f@ck am I watching this?" in between the fight scenes, but every now and again one must gamble and this may well be one of those moments. So. . . .

On a separate self-amusing moment, I started at the beginning of this thread and had no idea I HAVE ALREADY BEGUN your thread way back when you first started it--- "Hello, Alice," "Hello, Hatter,"
I found my post saying I'd continue to read it and stopped, due to time restraints with the curious wonder "DID I continue???" --To Be Continued--

One thing I've noticed that in those early posts you had a more serious-minded approach so I'm looking forward to seeing you relax into your writing and your "free-flow rants" grow more and more prevalent.

And so that you know, "Rant"is regarded as a very good thing, if you don't already know by now.

I'll be back

or will I? , , , , hmm

Tugg

08-28-16, 05:23 PM

My favorite review is still "Taxi Driver" with "Titanic" being second favorite.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 05:43 PM

One thing I've noticed that in those early posts you had a more serious-minded approach so I'm looking forward to seeing you relax into your writing and your "free-flow rants" grow more and more prevalent.
I've noticed that too. The problem with me is that as soon as I get comfortable with how I say something, I immediately notice the inconsistency and my OCD starts addling me.

I notice a lot of typos in my posts too which I do my best to try and ignore because I will spend an hour just editing and rereading the same post over and over again.

My favorite review is still "Taxi Driver" with "Titanic" being second favorite.
REALLY? Why is that?

Tugg

08-28-16, 05:59 PM

REALLY? Why is that?
Because you nailed "Taxi Driver" i.e. you put into words what I only had in vague impression. And you were righteous on "Titanic". That's all I'm saying without directly referring reviews.

Omnizoa

08-28-16, 08:48 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26783&stc=1&d=1472428090

Young Adult

Drama / English / 2011

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For TONGO's Movie Forums Challenge (http://http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46549).

Have you seen "Young Adult" (2011)?OH GOD, THE WRITER OF JUNO.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Heyyy! Congrats on the little one! What a wonderful PERMANENT commitment to make!"

Dog, Ice Cream, KFC, Kissing, REREREREREREbound sex.

Alright, well, right off the bat let me just say that this movie is nowhere near as unpleasant as Juno and frankly, the poster is incredibly misleading. It looks like it's going to be millennial comedy drek, but it's not, it's a legit drama.

Now, if you know me, I'm pretty harsh when it comes to dramas because they're contingent upon realistic and engaging characters and a consistent compelling narrative.

How does it do here? Eeeeeggghhhh~ I don't get it.

The premise, which takes more than my standard 15 minute "SELL ME" window to properly establish the direction of the story is: Furiosa hasn't matured past high school and in the face of a struggling writing career she picks up on a message that approximately says, "BTDubs, your Ex had a baby" and decides to go back to the suburbs to take back her high school crush.

The BIGGEST **** up Young Adult manages to miss right off the bat is keeping Furiosa at arm's length throughout the movie, particularly at start. A detached sense of silent observation helps to establish that while we're following this character, we're not meant to be rooting for her, which is good because she's massively ****ed in the head which Patton Oswalt is helpfully around to point out in favor of the audience's sanity.

I've thrown around the term "Monogamy Syndrome" a few times in these reviews and let me just say that while it is deeply rooted problem I have with narratives involving marriage, it does not strictly apply here.

Monogamy Syndrome is when characters act irrationally for no other reason than because they can't accept someone being in a relationship with more than one person. It would apply here IF the driving conflict was purely with Buddy and his family, that they're closing ranks around themselves but that's not what this is. This is Furiosa being a selfish bitch.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26782&stc=1&d=1472428066

She's completely deluded herself into believing that Buddy is unhappy and wants her back and in that spirit she urges him to leave his wife and new baby to go back to the city with her where she wastes away in a dark messy apartment writing horrible YA novels.

They probably weren't intended to sound horrible, but they're the very kind of self-obsessed **** I hate reading when I'm looking for new books with female protagonists. Oswalt makes a laser-guided "vampire" joke in this regard.

Really the whole movie is build up to the obvious letdown and I thought the movie was pretty boring, if admittedly well paced. A bright spot comes into view when the horrendously cringey and awkward dialog like "I used to sleep in his t-shirts and boxers" gives way to an upset at a "Baby Naming Ceremony" (which is total ********, no one does that) where Furiosa flips her **** at Buddy's wife and it comes clear that she had a miscarriage with Buddy's first baby and she was only invited out of pity and concern for her assumed mental illness.

Wow. That's... that's pretty sucky.

She finds her way back to Patton's character who's been established to be more level-headed if equally entrenched in the past and REBOUND SEX I HATE THAT.

I don't get this ****. What's this phenomenon where peoples' negative emotions get them REALLY HORNY??? I don't get this. What is this? Does this happen? Why would this happen? Why do you want to have CRY SEX?? You know what really turns me on is when my partner has just been EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED, that's hot ****, yo.

You think you've bagged the best with crazy sex, but you've never had SAD SEX. Murder her puppy and you'll make her drip like Niagara Falls.

LUBE IT UP WITH HER TEARS- It's ****in' stupid. So what, is... is she and Oswalt a thing now? That'd be kinda cute.

NO? Instead she has a breakfast table conversation with his sister who just feeds her ******* ego?

"Yeah, all these suburbian peoples aren't really livin' they all might as well DIE, **** all of them."

"You know what? That completely validates my point of view."

"I know, right? So take me with you?"

"No."

THE END.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

MonnoM

08-29-16, 02:06 AM

Imagine my surprise after reading this review, practically feeling the hatred and disgust you hold for this movie and the final verdict is a 3. Now that's a twist ending. You had me there, M. Night Omnizoalanananananannn

Omnizoa

08-29-16, 04:28 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26791&stc=1&d=1472455660

Unleashed

Action Drama / English / 2005

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Ice Cream, Milk, Sausage, Dog, Goldfish, and Grace.

I took a huge crack at Jet Li for his acting ability, but I take it back here. Unleashed, or perhaps better titled, Danny the Dog, is an mild departure from Jet Li's normal fair of martial arts-centric narratives to a straight up Hollywood drama.

Jet plays and emotionally and intellectually underdeveloped man who's been fiercely conditioned by Bob Hoskins to kill on behalf of his criminal organization. Along the way, Jet, or Danny, is distracted by a fascination for pianos and meets Blind Morgan Freeman playing Blind Morgan Freeman who's just as charming as Blind Morgan Freeman ought to be.

Eventually Danny's distractions lend themselves to conflict with Gangster Bob and Danny cuts himself loose after a car crash seemingly kills his "owner". He returns to Blind Morgan Freeman and his daughter in-law where we see him gradually soften up, begin to seriously socialize, and have the life he never had.

Naturally Gangster Bob returns to wreck ****, but not before the "damage is done" and Danny too independent to be ordered around.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26790&stc=1&d=1472455623

People are obviously going to be inclined to call foul or "contrived" at the idea of a man being subservient to violence, but you gotta realize, this is fairly plausible conditioning. Take a kid, as young as can be taught, deprive him of traditional education and social interaction, then BEAT INTO HIM this one rule with extreme negative reinforcement.

It can work, and just as it can work it can fail, as it does here.

The story is emotionally charged, very well-paced, and truly my biggest gripe is just the vegan stuff which is well in the background most of the time.

The fights are really what could have sent this over the edge for me, nothing really stands far apart from the rest and the rest is pretty bog standard fair that only brushes with martial arts. This is much more a story movie, which perhaps confines it unhelpfully between two genres, neither of which it's particularly exceptional in.

As it is though, as a combination of the two, I think it's [Pretty Good]. A solid story with some solid actors playing solid characters with a touch of karmic justice in the end.

Good stuff.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Tugg

08-29-16, 05:33 AM

NO? Instead she has a breakfast table conversation with his sister who just feeds her ******* ego?

"Yeah, all these suburbian peoples aren't really livin' they all might as well DIE, **** all of them."

"You know what? That completely validates my point of view."

"I know, right? So take me with you?"

"No."

THE END.

This conversation shows in contrast light to the rest of the movie, that even though Mavis is self-centered narcissist, with all the negatives of that, at least she has achieved something in her life as opposed to Matt's sister and many like her who might spend their lives in one small town raising a family at best or having bottom line job and staying single at possible. In other words,- the normal way isn't automatically better.

As for me, I like Mavis Gary as a character.

Iroquois

08-29-16, 05:36 AM

Omni, have you seen Story of Ricky? If so, thoughts?

CosmicRunaway

08-29-16, 10:30 AM

I took a huge crack at Jet Li for his acting ability, but I take it back here. Unleashed, or perhaps better titled, Danny the Dog, is an mild departure from Jet Li's normal fair of martial arts-centric narratives to a straight up Hollywood drama.
I completely agree. Unleashed is my favourite Jet Li movie, and it's definitely because it also tries to tell an emotional story instead of just throwing action scenes at us. And Jet Li does a really good job of it. When I first saw this movie it made me wonder why people don't put him in roles like that more often.

If you compare his performance in Unleashed to any of his other big action flicks, even one where he had more range than usual (...The One?), he seems like a completely different actor.

Omnizoa

08-29-16, 02:49 PM

This conversation shows in contrast light to the rest of the movie, that even though Mavis is self-centered narcissist, with all the negatives of that, at least she has achieved something in her life as opposed to Matt's sister and many like her who might spend their lives in one small town raising a family at best or having bottom line job and staying single at possible. In other words,- the normal way isn't automatically better.

As for me, I like Mavis Gary as a character.
The only "achievement" here is a self-satisfaction that someone is so envious of her that they'll put down the same people she already puts down herself.

You say "the normal ways isn't automatically better" and in a sense that's true, but this isn't a sliding scale of objectivity, these people have preferences and their preference is for their hometown, where they grew up and where they're comfortable which I can empathize with. Mavis has callously stigmatized the place and it's inhabitants and latches on to the first person who agrees with her.

As far as we know she's the ONLY person who agrees with her because heresay also says that everyone pities her as well. Are there a mix of people who think she's living the high-life? Maybe, but so what? What does that mean? Does that mean her life really doesn't suck because people don't know it doesn't suck? Is image really that important?

I think no. I think she's a narcissist and while I do believe you can make likable narcissist characters this isn't one of them.

Omni, have you seen Story of Ricky? If so, thoughts?
I've seen many clips and I have NOOOOOOOOOO interest in seeing it.

I don't dig gore.

If you compare his performance in Unleashed to any of his other big action flicks, even one where he had more range than usual (...The One?), he seems like a completely different actor.
He's always so stoic.

Omnizoa

08-29-16, 10:22 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26804&stc=1&d=1472520050

Dragons Forever

Martial Arts Romantic Comedy / Chinese / 1988

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Considered one of the greats, let's check it out.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"You're an expert, but you're also a female too. The Court may object to a man asking another man if he loves him or not for that's abnormal."

Ummm, 'scuse me, you're honor, but Goldfish, Doves, Steak, Lobster, Fishing, Dairy, Horses, Marriage, Milk, relevance?

This time Chan's an attorney and I don't know! ...I don't know how he knows martial arts if he's an attorney, he's an attorney and he's inexplicably ripped and can pound goons by the dozen. I DON'T KNOW.

Most of the movie is dominated by Chan being recruited by the Big Bad to secure him a victory so he and Sammo Hung chat up the claimant and the prosecution so they can win. Cheesy 80s comedy romance develops. Yuen Biao hangs around to cause ****-tons of trouble.

Is Chan supposed to be a good guy here? Why did he agree to plant wiretaps on innocent people to begin with? What even provoked him to check out the defense who're pumping narcotic waste into this woman's $10,000,000,000 FISH POND???

That must be the most ******* amazing fish pond in existence and it's never shown onscreen ONCE. Great.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26805&stc=1&d=1472520074

There are couple fights in the movie, but they're mostly forgettable. The boat fight, while still paling next to the boat fight in Gorgeous is decent, but the fight everyone seems to remember is the showdown with the Big Bad at the end with Benny the Jet.

It's a decent fight, although honestly I don't like Benny anywhere near as much as I like the Big Bad who's a weasily glasses-wearing business-type who attacks Jackie anytime his back is turned and as soon as Jackie turns on him he runs away puffing like a madman.

Sammo stabs him in the neck with drugs poison which naturally lets him overact to death.

Benny's weird, I think it's the eyeliner. I can't think of any reason for him to wear the eyeliner. He looks like a regular overweight cubicle worker... with eyeliner. It's weird.

This is the first of two big screen fights between Jackie Chan and Benny The Jet, the second being Wheels on Meals. Which I'm not looking forward to.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Iroquois

08-30-16, 05:33 AM

I've seen many clips and I have NOOOOOOOOOO interest in seeing it.

I don't dig gore.

That's only fair.

Omnizoa

08-30-16, 08:39 AM

That's only fair.
Why do you ask?

Iroquois

08-30-16, 08:43 AM

Why do you ask?

Saw you were watching martial arts movies, figured I'd mention it.

Also, no popcorn for The Grandmaster? That's brutal.

Omnizoa

08-30-16, 10:13 AM

Saw you were watching martial arts movies, figured I'd mention it.
I see you enjoy it for it's bad qualities. I really can't get into graphic splatter comedies. Or graphic splatter. Or graphic in general. The more graphic/photorealistic you make something the more unattractive it gets so I tend to avoid that sort of thing except when an extreme level of detail is part of the joke.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/24d52542ad44231c7b3ed12f31316017/tumblr_n98fhvw47G1qbvovho1_500.gif

I also just don't like gore. I don't get the fascination with it.

Also, no popcorn for The Grandmaster? That's brutal.
I didn't finish it. If I had, it'd probably get a 3. I don't rate movies I don't finish and the lowest I'll give is a 1.

Iroquois

08-30-16, 10:22 AM

I see you enjoy it for it's bad qualities. I really can't get into graphic splatter comedies. Or graphic splatter. Or graphic in general. The more graphic/photorealistic you make something the more unattractive it gets so I tend to avoid that sort of thing except when an extreme level of detail is part of the joke

I also just don't like gore. I don't get the fascination with it.

Hmm, well, I guess if you've seen clips of what it's like then you know that it's about as far from realistic as gore is likely to get (especially when you can spot the more obviously fake dummies and whatnot being used), but I suppose if you have that much of an aversion to it then it doesn't make much of a difference either way.

I didn't finish it. If I had, it'd probably get a 3. I don't rate movies I don't finish and the lowest I'll give is a 1.

Fair enough.

Omnizoa

08-30-16, 10:51 AM

Hmm, well, I guess if you've seen clips of what it's like then you know that it's about as far from realistic as gore is likely to get (especially when you can spot the more obviously fake dummies and whatnot being used), but I suppose if you have that much of an aversion to it then it doesn't make much of a difference either way.
It'd have to be super duper fake not to bother me. This (http://i.imgur.com/iN0lWPu.jpg) is too much. That's way too close to home for me to be comfortable with.

Also, just, after a while I can't help but think that these movies are actually pandering to a severely ****ed up fetish (http://xviews.extremehorrorcinema.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/guinea-pig.jpg). People must be getting off to this, why else make mutilation and body horror the core selling point of a movie, often hand in hand with sex?

There are very few movies and games that abstract out the gore to such a degree that it doesn't bother me... and even appeals to me as a stylistic choice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJIEfSGjclE

Omnizoa

08-30-16, 10:30 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26822&stc=1&d=1472606925

Police Story 4: First Strike
Martial Arts Action Comedy / Chinese / 1996

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Been WAYYY overdue for this one, been having technical issues, but now that we're finally sorted let's check out the last of the "classic" Police Story series.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Funerals, Caviar, Horses, Koalas, Wallabies, Underwater World "Oceanarium".

You may recall I identified a trend with Police Story 3 where the fight scenes were becoming increasing in number, but decreasing in quality. You may also recall that I was particularly critical of the plot and it's apparent lack of structure.

Both of these gripes are resolved in First Strike.

Firstly, the narrative is much MUCH stronger with a more traditional James Bond-esque story which Jackie Chan even specifically references, "I'm like James Bond without all of the gorgeous girls."

And sure enough it's still a healthy distance from aping James Bond in any serious respect, due mainly to the humor taken at Chan's expense, at one point having him strip down in public to only his koala underwear and even further until old ladies are snappy sassy pictures of him. That's about as crude as the humor gets so overall so even the jokes are a lot more tasteful.

The story didn't have any plotholes that jumped out at me, however I may have missed something during the exposition dump reveal that explains how it is that Jackie's in what appears to be Australia where everyone speaks Russian and Chinese.

That was kinda confusing. At the end I THINK I know what happened, there was a rogue offshoot of the Russian government that was smuggling decommissioned warheads and tried to sell them to Ukraine or... wait- China? Wait... I forget. It was a serviceable story, engaging enough to keep my interest, but not so engaging that I was noticing issues with it.

The real service here is the action and there are 3 main action sequences in this movie. There are bouts sprinkled here and there, I'm not even counting the apartment fight, but mainly there are 3 main big sequences.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26823&stc=1&d=1472606977

The first is a ski resort chase where Jackie, in very light clothing, chases down goons in a snowmobile and escapes on a snowboard. There are exploding helicoptors and Jackie actually submerges bodily in freezing water, that's HARSH.

The third is an entire underwater fight sequence at Underwater World Oceanarium where Jackie and NOT LOVE INTEREST (phew...) stave off goons from stealing the MacGuffin. As can be expected they get about as creative as they could possibly get with it and when puppet sharks are swimming around with goons' legs hanging out of your mouths, I admit I start to forget about all of the real fish they have in captivity. By the end it gets as ridiculous as the characters keeping their cut thumbs in their mouths so as not to upset the sharks, with Jackie at one point trading his thumb for a goon's oxygen mask. It's very silly.

SECONDLY, and yes I hold the best for last, is the one and only straight-up fight scene in this whole movie. You may be disappointed and liable to cry foul at such a waste of Jackie's talents, but never fear, for this is probably one of his very best fights onscreen.

Dubbed "the ladder fight", we have a proptacular battle that pitches all manner of decorations and construction tools into the mix until it culminates is Jackie adopting a folding ladder and TOTALLY WRECKING FACE WITH IT. This is what I meant when I said that people who watch Supercop won't get what's so special about Jackie Chan: the guy sees a ladder... and figures out over a dozen and a half different ways he can beat people up with it. It's sick.

Not that we should disparage all of the other stunts he performs, but if Jackie Chan was a D&D character, he'd be a Monk and his first feat would be Improvised Weapon Proficiency. Guy's a fricken' maniac with this stuff and I love it.

It may be his only really real fight in the movie, but the rest of the movie is solid so it all rises close enough to peak that I feel comfortable saying that: overall, it's good stuff.

It doesn't reach the heights of Police Story, but it doesn't reach it's lows either, it's not as good as Police Story 2, but it's definitely a step above Police Story 3.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Iroquois

08-31-16, 06:46 AM

It'd have to be super duper fake not to bother me. This (http://i.imgur.com/iN0lWPu.jpg) is too much. That's way too close to home for me to be comfortable with.

Also, just, after a while I can't help but think that these movies are actually pandering to a severely ****ed up fetish (http://xviews.extremehorrorcinema.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/guinea-pig.jpg). People must be getting off to this, why else make mutilation and body horror the core selling point of a movie, often hand in hand with sex?

There are very few movies and games that abstract out the gore to such a degree that it doesn't bother me... and even appeals to me as a stylistic choice.

Hmm, and here I was thinking it was super-duper fake, but that may just be remembering it as tamer than it actually is (haven't watched it in about a year, of course). In any case, I haven't heard anything that makes me think the Guinea Pig movies are anything I would actually want to seek out - like I said about The Human Centipede a while back, I personally don't see any appeal in watching sadistic violence for its own sake. At least with Story of Ricky the violence is merely an extension of the film's cartoonishly exaggerated take on the prison movie, but I can understand if even that context doesn't necessarily allow it to become abstract enough for your taste. It's not like I'm trying to convince you to watch it or anything.

Omnizoa

08-31-16, 08:06 AM

Hmm, and here I was thinking it was super-duper fake, but that may just be remembering it as tamer than it actually is (haven't watched it in about a year, of course). In any case, I haven't heard anything that makes me think the Guinea Pig movies are anything I would actually want to seek out - like I said about The Human Centipede a while back, I personally don't see any appeal in watching sadistic violence for its own sake. At least with Story of Ricky the violence is merely an extension of the film's cartoonishly exaggerated take on the prison movie, but I can understand if even that context doesn't necessarily allow it to become abstract enough for your taste. It's not like I'm trying to convince you to watch it or anything.
T'sall cool. I get what's funny about it, it's what Fist of the North Star is known for. I just don't see the material in question earning as much ironic mercy from me as, say, Starchaser.

Omnizoa

09-03-16, 10:39 AM

Rewatched Willy Wonka. Expanded my review here (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?anchor=1&p=1481120#post1481120).

Omnizoa

09-05-16, 11:49 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26914&stc=1&d=1473083735

A Better Tomorrow

Crime Drama / Chinese / 1986

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Chow Yun-fat is a bad guy. Sold.

Also, since False Writer's not here, I'll just go ahead and spoil that this is a top tier nomination for him in the Action Movie Countdown.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Kissing, Birthdays, and Cake. Wait, that's all? Well, there was some food I couldn't identify, but otherwise, *phew* crisis averted.

A Better Tomorrow is one of those movies that starts off pretty slow, even boring, actually. It doesn't take long before strange edits and plotholes start creeping up and you're beginning to resign yourself to it's shittyness.

But then it gets good.

Then it gets REALLY GOOD.

And not really even in the action sense, granted there are a couple noteworthy shootouts in the movie, but seriously the big weight here is on the drama and even with my very low threshold of tolerance for ******** drama I was very pleased with this movie.

It's very inaccurately marketed as Chow Yun-fat's movie, but in reality it all revolves centrally around Chow's friend, Ti Lung, both are referred to as Mark and Ho respectively.

There seems at first to be a single tertiary character, but I was extremely confused for the first half hour what their apparent relationship to the main two characters was until i realize that I was actually confusing two characters for each other, known as Shing and Kit.

Apparently Mark and Ho are a power duo in the counterfeit money business and for the first 20 minutes it's just them livin' it up, unzipping their pants and dragging their reputation across everybody's faces.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26915&stc=1&d=1473086780

They share opposing relationships with Shing and Kit, Shing is the newbie crook in Mark and Ho's racket, while Kit is Ho's brother and unbeknownst to the audience he's unaware of Ho's illegal activities.

One day Ho gets caught, but not before having an emotional flashback to a few minutes ago (seriously, we're only 23 minutes in at this point), and supposedly this is Shing's fault, but all I remember is Ho telling him to run away, so I don't know where this betrayal thing comes in, did I miss some setup?

Anyway, Ho goes to prison and after he gets out ****in' 3 YEARS HAS PASSED, but it's not like I knew that because there's no indication whatsoever before suddenly Shing's a bigwig in the organization and Kit's all "You're a thief!". Yeah, he is. Wait, you didn't KNOW???

This bit really bothered me because it's central to the story and it takes nearly HALF THE MOVIE for me to figure this out. At one point he's all "Hey! I'm becoming a police officer!" and Ho's all "Ah, that's cool!" and I just get the feeling that, wait, is that a different character? So he's wants to be a police officer and work parallel to his criminal brother? Alright, I guess I can swing with that, but NO, I was just totally lost for a reactionary cut for anything else that would inform me that Ho's family is not aware of what he does for a living.

Anyway, it's after the overly long and boring setup for Ho to get out of prison that the movie gets interesting because now he wants to shed his ways and return to society as a regular person, but his brother, infused with his police responsibilities won't accept him, Shing, now proto-head of the crime syndicate wants him back in the fold, and Mark's just trying to reconcile their differences.

I really liked this dynamic. There are times I wondered why in the hell Shing was trying so damn hard to "join us or die" all over the movie, it really wasn't justified at all, but at the same time their whole "we only let your brother live because you were one of us" bit smacks HARD, that's a rough ****in' spot you gotta be in.

Your brother's disowned you.
Your friend's lost for what you do.
Your old job is calling you back with the threat of death, but the law has got their sights set on you too.

Join one, the other'll kill you, ya can't win. That SUCKS, and Ti Lung can fricken' act the part, I wanna see him in more stuff now, he was great in this.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26916&stc=1&d=1473086887

Eventually Ho conceives of a gambit with Mark's help to turn Kit over to his side in a suicidal blackmail of Shing who's already framed Ho for murder.

It all goes down with bullets and explosions and while there's the off "ooooh, that looked that bad" moment, it's quickly snuffed by the ~OH ****!!! TWIST! :mnight:

Chow Yun-fat's character dies! Holy crap! How come he's in the sequels!?

Altogether, a satisfying end, but there were some odd annoyances in the movie besides those I mentioned, mainly to do with Kit's wife, Jackie, who's just the sort of wet towel Token Girl you want in every movie.

Home invader? Run at him with a knife! ****, he noticed! *waits, gets smacked aside* Oh no! However could that happen!?

Husband busy trying to get violent criminals? Get catty and annoy the **** out of him because he forgot your birthday! Your birthday is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than saving people's lives.

Seriously, I want to take this character archetype and slowly strangle her until the lights in her eyes go out. You PUTRID, HATEFUL, USELESS SACK OF SKIN I WANT YOU TO DIE.

REWATCH UPDATE 1/23/2022:
This was one of those movies I knew I wanted to revisit, partly because it made me question whether it wasn't comparable to Hard-Boiled, another John Woo/Chow-Yun-Fat movie.

It's still odd to me that Ti Lung is the main character though, however I admit that's probably because I haven't seen him in any movies before this and he looks unusually old for a star of one of these movies, especially considering Chow-Yu-Fat is a major protagonist.

I just now Googled Ti Lung and he looks far older now, but younger photos of him lead me to believe that he probably had solid career in action movies before this.

Regardless, I still appreciate the conflict his character brings to the movie. It's a fairly realistic dilemma of a high-level criminal going straight for family but not before he's exposed for what he is and disowned by that same family. His dedication to turning over a new leaf is reflected in his willingness to get a job and more-or-less turn the other cheek when his brother wails on him.

"Ho" wants to protect Kit, but he can't rat on his former employers for fear of repercussions. Ho wants to reunite with Mark, but Mark wants to return to the old days and can't do that if Ho's turned over a new leaf. Mark comes to hate Kit because Kit won't respect the efforts of his friend to lead a noble life, and Kit can't respect Ho because he was indirectly responsible for killing their father and strangling his promotional opportunities on the police force.

The only other weird motivation to further cloud this conflict is the former triad that, for some inexplicable reason, desperately wants Ho back to work with them. Ho demonstrated that he wouldn't rat on them after 3 years in prison, so he's practically a non-threat for them at this point, yet they respond to his refusals with unreasonable escalation. There's brief mention of his connections and possibly being able to use Kit to manipulate the police, but Kit's obviously not going to comply with that and he doesn't say that so, it's just this really big contrived "what if?" that seems to be used to rationalize threatening his family and beating his friend (and former coworker) half to death.

That bit doesn't make any sense. And I think it largely doesn't make any sense because, much as I appreciate a brisk movie, this movie FLIES through each plot point before the central conceit of the conflict is revealed and it actually becomes interested. The first half of the movie is set up for this brilliant conflict, but that first half consequently lacks the emotional impact or engaging character and dialog of the latter half. Skimming over the gang's relationship with Ho probably contributed to this seemingly flimsy excuse to stir shit up.

And I would say that's probably this movie's biggest weakness, not that it takes too long to get good, but that the time it takes to get to the good parts isn't entertaining on it's own (which I suppose is the same criticism just phrased differently).

It's funny reading back this review some 5 years later and finding my criticisms are largely about the same things.

I wasn't anywhere near as irritated this time around with the girlfriend character, but she really is useless throughout the whole thing. I think the only thing she adds is a person in the family that's sympathetic to Ho, but even that doesn't really amount to anything since Kit is never swayed by her on the matter.

Still a good movie, but I'm going to drop it half a rating.

Final Verdict: rating_3.5 [Good]

Omnizoa

09-06-16, 02:13 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26933&stc=1&d=1473181996

Lethal Weapon

Action Crime / English / 1987

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've seen A Lethal Weapon movie, I don't know which one. I recall Mel Gibson dawdling around on a beach with his wife or something and he and Danny Glover shooting a flamethrower guy to make him explode, I don't know which one that is.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"No way you live, no way..."

There's something about these kinds of movies where they just can't help including food. LOOK, you're puttin' all this food away, but it's not like we're ever gonna see you **** it out, what makes you think I find what you're having for dinner any more interesting than the book you got sitting next to the crapper? I don't care, please shut up.

Birthdays, Kissing, Dogs, Eggs, Bacon, Hotdogs, Turkey, Ice Cream, Fish, Fishing, nearly all of this **** is specifically referenced in DIALOG, GO AWAY.

Lethal Weapon at it's worst is unpleasant to suffer, the camera gets in all close, everyone gets overdramatic as **** (*shock of realization* "you knew her..."), and scenes become interminable. Danny Glover talking down to the street kids in his enthusiastic dad voice is cringe-inducing and they haven't the mercy to point out how awkward he is.

Mel Gibson also overacts the **** out of his character, at least at the start, he's twitchy as **** and it would've taken a few dozen less wide-eyed open mouth spasms to convey that he was unhinged.

At it's best however, Lethal Weapon reminds me of Appleseed, which reminds me of Strange Days, which are Grade-A gigs in my book.

All of these movies feature contrasting character pairs (and ironically all of them have police or military backgrounds), and in Lethal Weapon we got the straight-laced two-days-left-till-retirement Danny Glover paired with the youthful go-get-em newbie- WHOA WAIT A SECOND, I'm sorry, I have the wrong movie, I mean the rogue cop with a criminal past- WHAT NO, THAT'S TOTALLY WRONG.

I mean suicidal psycho veteran, Mel Gibson.

The scene that occurs early on that establishes their relationship has Mel's character, Riggs, nearly blow his own head off when Danny's character, Murtaugh, calls him on his bluff.

At first I didn't quite get why Murtaugh was antagonizing him, but when he mentioned "psycho pensions" I got to thinking and realized, AHHH, if he were to retire supposedly scarred from the force there might be a policy to compensate him further, I get it.

I'm extraordinarily unfamiliar with these things so I'm gonna say that while it made sense to me that it wasn't conveyed quite as clearly to someone with no idea of what pensions are (don't laugh).

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26932&stc=1&d=1473181958

Anyway, after this super intense staredown over the barrel of a gun, Rigg's is all, "Oh, it's your birthday? Happy birthday, man." and way friendly all of a sudden. He was way overacting before, but at least this establishes that he's unpredictable, and even simultaneously establishes that as nutzo as he may be he can at least approximate a facade of professionalism.

With this out of the way, most of the movie has Riggs and Murtaugh workin' there rounds while very seamlessly working in development of their interpersonal relationship and additionally packing in sneaky exposition about Riggs' past as a hardcore spec ops and a plot to culminate in the kidnapping of Murtaugh's daughter.

I have to admit, I wasn't paying super duper close attention to the plot (been playing Deck Heroes actually, it's fun), but I think it's fairly predictable at this point, for these sorts of movies, that the whole "these crimes are connected!" plot that shifts into focus never really comes into focus as clearly as they could. Suddenly the main characters are throwing around the names of multiple characters that are so background that they barely manage screentime long enough for me to ever be able to point my finger at them and say what their name is.

The action's obviously not of the sort one should expect from a kung-fu movie or even a John Woo movie as I've been watching, but what it managed was solid, largely thanks to the strong characters which lends a lot of weight to moments like when Mel Gibson takes a full-on shotgun blast to the chest which throws him bodily through a window.

That's a pretty big "holy ****!" moment, and there are several of them, like when one of their suspect's houses just friggen' explodes, there's no warning or any of those annoying movie queues that tell you something is wrong.

I had one of those moments in Murtaugh's house and it got all quiet and he was looking through his mail and I'm all "something's gonna happen, something's gonna happen..."

And nothing happened.

Thank you. Thank you, Lethal Weapon, for not living down to my expectations. Now that we know you can make a solid action movie, let's see you do it without the turkey dinner, eh? Or was that a crucial plotpoint I just missed?

No, I'm serious, I get that his wife's cooking a bonding topic for them-wait nevermind, "WIFE", forgot marriage, I usually forget marriage. We just can't have a man and a women live together and have a family with words like "husband" and "wife", there just aren't English words for that, **** you, English! What'd you ever do for anybody?

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

CosmicRunaway

09-06-16, 03:21 PM

You point out that the turkey dinner is unnecessary, but most people in the States have turkey dinner on Christmas. It's a tradition, and it helps those of us who believe that Lethal Weapon and Die Hard are Christmas movies argue our case when someone wants to watch something seasonal. ;)

Omnizoa

09-06-16, 05:11 PM

Clazor

09-06-16, 05:15 PM

And closes with Gary Busey shooting up a christmas tree before mud-wrestling with Gibson ensues. And people wonder why someone would love these movies :D

CosmicRunaway

09-06-16, 05:16 PM

Mud wrestling scene is the best scene in that movie.

Clazor

09-06-16, 05:17 PM

So true.

Omnizoa

09-06-16, 05:21 PM

Mud wrestling scene is the best scene in that movie.So true.
Nothing beats two handsome muscular men coming together with a mutual love and respect for consensual mud wrestling.

Omnizoa

09-07-16, 11:33 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26967&stc=1&d=1473258791

Con Air

Action Crime / English / 1997

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Hadn't thought I'd seen this movie until I realized I'd caught a glimpse of it on TV, all I remember is some junkyard shootout.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash."

It takes a mere 1 minute and 40 seconds for Con Air to completely culturally isolate itself from any prospective alien viewers who may have picked up the language, but otherwise make no concessions in how they approach the movie. Kissing is weird. I'm gonna keep drawing attention to the fact that it's weird until people accept that it's weird.

Hugging? Sure, I can dig hugging, it's the comforting embrace of a friend or loved one, how can I condemn that? Kissing? What are you nuts? Why don't you touch your ears together? You'll spread less germs that way. Youuuu sluts.

At the 5 minute, 40 second mark we commit our first narrative sin by contriving Nick Cage into jail for killing a man in self defense.

What, is that wrong? The guy pulled a knife? How is that defense nothing short of ****ing impervious to judicial scrutiny? Go **** yourself.

There's also an off-comment about steak. Ironically. And that's those are my biggest complaints.

!!! *SHOCK GASP* !!!

Now, before you freak, lemme tell you that overall I prefer Lethal Weapon. I like the characterization in that movie better, it was more surprising, and it was played seriously. Not that I can't dig goofy, but Con Air was nearly cheesy enough for me.

That said, Con Air is a rock solid movie due in no small part to the cavalcade of rock solid B-movie actors behind Nicolas Cage including, but not limited to John Cusack, Colm Meaney, Dave Chappelle, and, of course, the schlockmeister himself, Danny Trejo.

Nicolas Cage is rather silly looking in his long hair and frankly he didn't do much for me, his job is pretty much alternating between blissful smiles, mild concern, and intense stares. He was basically a more boring version of himself in Raising Arizona.

John Malkovich, who was, is it just me, unrecognizable? Maybe his manner was just that different, but I utterly failed to make the Being John Malkovich connection, either he's just got that much range or I'm stupid. Probably a little of both. Either way he was a fun antagonist if only because you really don't know him very well and he hogs his scenes consistently.

For my money though, it'd have to be the pleasant surprise appearance of Steve Buscemi who I just get a kick out of. There's something about actors like him and Brad Dourif which makes them really enjoyable, they always get typecast as the socially retarded psychopath and yet in Con Air I wished there was more of him.

They set up Malkovich's character as the worst of the bunch, BUT THEN you got Steve's character, who's the worst of the worst, he's the con cons FEAR yo. And sure enough he's the only one in plain clothes, speaking calmly and articulately, and while everyone else is having a violent shootout he's off having a tea party with a random girl you're not entirely sure he isn't about to just up and kill.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=26966&stc=1&d=1473258683

When the little girl asks him if he's sick and we zoom in on his REALLY uncertain face that, to be honest, he's Steve Buscemi, the guy looks ****ed, and we even get this fish eye lens of from his perspective, I loved that scene, that was great.

I was really worried that when he leaves offscreen with the doll from that he had killed the girl, but she's revealed to be alive and he's the only one who ever actually escapes.

Oh right, THE PLOT. Nick Cage gets sent to jail, on the his daughter's birthday-BIRTHDAY ~GAHHHH forgot that.

...

Birthday. He gets on a plain intended to chauffeur convicts and he gets wrapped up in a hijacking where he inevitably winds up saving the day.

There are a couple bumps in the story, namely how is it that the police know Sims is dead? They can't know that. That's never explained, it's just assumed and it directly contradicts the "but why didn't NICK'S CHARACTER get off the plane hmmmm????" I dunno, why didn't Sims get off the plane? PLOTHOLE.

Some lines just don't work like "I'm gonna show you God does exist" which only follows when Bubba from Forrest Gump is dying and just comes right the **** out of nowhere with his suspicions that God doesn't exist.

Set up? Did anybody see the set up? No? Okay then.

The line, "make a movie and the bunny gets it" is silly, sure, but it's totally out of nowhere and comes without the punch of timing or irony that would require developing Malkovich's Cyrus further.

"Put the bunny back in the box" is much funnier since it much more heavily weighs on the stakes and intensity of the situation and Rule of 3 (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RuleOfThree)s make it even more amusing in retrospect, "Why didn't you just put the bunny back in the box?"

Rule of 3 is important, people. Respect the 3.

Such as the 3 vehicles in this movie that inexplicably explode on impact.

Any less and I'dve hardly noticed. Any more and I'dve complained.

But 3? Just the right level of absurdity.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-09-16, 02:51 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27027&stc=1&d=1473443343

Dredd

Superhero Sci-Fi Action / English / 2012

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I'm generally resistant to watch these "superhero" movies. I gotta admit I do get a special kind of pleasure out of vindictiveness, but the judge/jury/executioner caricature of Judge Dredd never appealed to me, though admittedly I know pitifully little about it, I've not seen the Stallone movie.

Mainly watching this because it tops CosmicRunaway's favorites (yes I know, I'm still trying to get Gen-X Cops).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Choke on that."

OOOOOOGGGGGHHHHHHHH, 59 MINUTES!!! You went 59 minutes without ANYTHING and then you had to throw in that DOG that did absolutely ****ing nothing! You were THIS CLOSE!!!!!

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27028&stc=1&d=1473443371
Hi, Cosmic.

Alright, well, this movie appears to be very controversial. It has a middling review score in the 70s range, it's about glorifying legal execution, it's FULLA DRUGS, and it even has that gore thing I don't like.

I feel such a controversial movie deserves a controversial opinion:

HEY! IT'S THE GOOD RAID MOVIE!

Yeah **** that crap, THIS movie has personality. Now pay attention to the words I use there, "this MOVIE", not the actors. Or even the characters. Carl Urban just does not have the charisma of a Stallone or a Schwarzenegger which would bleed through the helmet that's hermetically sealed to his face. He's boring and both the female lead and villain lack the proper development and lines to make them memorable.

It's the movie that sets the tone around them though and I could tell I was in for something solid when that ambient backing starts thumpin' and Dredd hasn't even shot anybody yet.

You could draw a fair number of parallels between The Raid and Dredd and they're warranted comparisons. They both feature a heroic law enforcement figure trapped in a tall apartment block full of goons intending to kill them with the driving goal being to struggle to the top and cap the Big Bad once and for all. Both have a lot of gunfire and explosions and both try to be gruesome in their depiction of violence.

The difference, I FEEL, is multi-fold. Dredd's myriad elements come together to present a picture that is far more digestable and engaging.

While Dredd lacks the emphasis on martial arts, he is at once and immediately the undeniable power fantasy character. Rama, the "ROOKIE" is just incidentally good at his job, but Dredd lavishes it's hero in precisely the sort of thing that feeds power fantasy characters: he comes out of certain death scenarios without a scratch, he shrugs off pain like it's nothing, the goons all know and fear him, he gets one-liners, he even gets a monologue where he intimidates the entire building. That he can make a guy's head explode on occasion IS THE TOPPING, NOT THE FILLING, if you catch my drift.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27030&stc=1&d=1473443422
Though if these were video game characters to choose between I gotta go the girl, buckethead is boring as sin.

There is a fair bit of gore in the movie, surprisingly so. We don't get John Woo levels of blood spatter, but we do get some gruesome-ass injuries. A number of people are graphically shown colliding with the planet and the drugs, which for once offer a narrative excuse for slow-mo (good on ya, movie), give us a few instances of people getting ripping apart by bullets.

Not a fan of that, BUT! The slow-mo really did add to the scenes it was in, it didn't feel too overbearing to me and a few instances such as when they breach a door and you see the guy on the other side's skin ripple in the explosion was... frightening. It definitely got a "whoa" out of me.

The movie is stylish and despite sharing gruesomeness with The Raid it's far better off. The oversaturated colors could have gone overboard, but they're relegated to the drug trip sequences and the rest of the movie is just as colorful as you'd expect a comic book movie to be. Far better than the ugly greys of The Raid.

Also, the sci-fi setting which the movie also spends a healthy amount of time doling out bits of finally gave me an opportunity to experience a piece of fiction I hadn't seen before! The future "megablocks", that dystopic idea where the population density gets so insane that regular apartment buildings aren't big enough, we gotta make our own little city within a city.

That combined with our periodically increased familiarity with Dredd's personal arsenal both go a ways to help inform of how these aspects of the world tend to work, and I really liked that. It does raise the question of "when will Dredd run out of toys?", but that question is answered quite matter-o'-factly.

I've called this an action movie, but I just noticed I made the mistake of failing to make a key distinction: THIS MOVIE DOESN'T WASTE TIME.

There's no dawdling around with exposition and the only real silence comes in the consistent building and release of tension.

I'm basically saying the pacing is good. It's very very well paced and it snares me from the get-go.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27029&stc=1&d=1473443396
*affects HEV suit voice* Scowling. At. 96%.

The story is as subservient to the action as you're likely to find, but I will pick on the sort of anticlimax with Anderson as well as completely botched setup involving the man she shoots.

There's one scene where Dredd urges her to perform an execution and she does (and it makes sense even if it does seem unpleasant) and she later meets the guy's apparent wiiiiiiiiii...

Partner.

Romantic partner.

Significant other.

****buddy, there we go.

She meets his ****buddy who actually helps them and insists that she's only doing it because she wants to keep her family safe, implying this to include her hussssssssssss****buddy who she doesn't know is dead.

You'd think this would be the start of a subplot wherein she begins to question the current justice system, or perhaps press Dredd to be less cold and detached about his job, but nothing ever comes of it. It's just a... useless scene. It adds literally nothing to the movie other than to maybe hang a lampshade which only serves to undercut the tone the movie's already going for and will continue to go for.

It also doesn't serve Anderson's ending which I mentioned already, Dredd okays her despite her breaking his rules and yet just like Schindler's List I'm at a total loss as to where this change of heart is ever to have taken place. I can GUESS, but my inference of certain scenes verges of meta when they already feel like buildup to narrative climax that never comes. We see the moments up until Dredd breaks his own rules or has that meaningful heart to heart where we get a little glimpse of his true character, but it never happens.

Anyway, all in all, Dredd has decent visual design, strong sound design, great pacing, solid action, mundane acting, but a solid script, blatant gore, but reserved enough to give it punch, and a generally satisfying ending which finally shows where Sci-Fi Slob got his avatar.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

CosmicRunaway

09-09-16, 03:26 PM

Hi, Cosmic.
Hi. :cool:

Karl Urban just does not have the charisma of a Stallone or a Schwarzenegger which would bleed through the helmet that's hermetically sealed to his face.
Other than the charisma part (that I'd disagree with but I realize I'm a fan of Urban so I probably just see his performances more favourably), this is actually what fans of 2000 AD liked the most about Karl Urban's Dredd. In the comics, Dredd never takes his helmet off. It's sort of his thing. Yet in the Judge Dredd movie with Stallone, he practically never wears it.

Not many actors would be willing to play the main character of a movie where the character's face is never revealed. If I recall properly, that's why James Purefoy was replaced by Hugo Weaving in that terrible V for Vendetta movie. It's also hard to convey emotion when the audience can't see an actor's eyes, but Dredd is not supposed to be an emotional character anyway, so that just makes this Dredd the more authentic 2000 AD adaptation haha.

Dredd has decent visual design, strong sound design, great pacing, solid action, mundane acting, but a solid script, blatant gore, but reserved enough to give it punch, and a generally satisfying ending.

I agree with all this, and practically all the other points you made in your review as well. :up:

Omnizoa

09-09-16, 04:12 PM

Other than the charisma part (that I'd disagree with but I realize I'm a fan of Urban so I probably just see his performances more favourably), this is actually what fans of 2000 AD liked the most about Karl Urban's Dredd. In the comics, Dredd never takes his helmet off. It's sort of his thing. Yet in the Judge Dredd movie with Stallone, he practically never wears it.
I really don't mind it, his line delivery leaves something to be desired though. Would've preferred this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aaubVlhNK4

Not many actors would be willing to play the main character of a movie where the character's face is never revealed. If I recall properly, that's why James Purefoy was replaced by Hugo Weaving in that terrible V for Vendetta movie.
Oooooohh... I imagine you're saying that from the perspective of an adaption. I judge movies separately, on their own merits and as adaptions. You can have a great movie but a terrible adaption and vice versa, so I don't lose sleep over it.

If the comic is what I expect it to be, I could criticize it for being Wachowski-ized, but I would still enjoy it for what it is.

This mentality is carried over from video games where wild spin-offs are a lot more common. Basically everybody who didn't trip over themselves to suck on Final Fantasy XIII's cock write it off as total garbage and seem to carry an even worse opinion over to it's spin-off, Lightning Returns, which I would contend, though an EXTREME deviation from the original source material, is pretty good game.

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18bt9g19uqa64gif/original.gif

And meanwhile, completely unrelated franchises are doing the original source material better justice under a different title (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mSLNictGeHo).

Whatever you do, however you do it, do it well. There's certainly merit in respecting the source material (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1560455-the-lord-of-the-rings-the-fellowship-of-the-ring.html), but you can improve upon it (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1468630-mad-max-fury-road.html) too (not that all do).

CosmicRunaway

09-09-16, 04:40 PM

Would've preferred this:
My room mate has one of his copies of Dredd (we both own multiples copies haha) signed by Karl Urban where he wrote "I AM THE LAW!!" on it. I always read it with Stallone's delivery though.

I imagine you're saying that from the perspective of an adaption. I judge movies separately, on their own merits and as adaptions. You can have a great movie but a terrible adaption and vice versa, so I don't lose sleep over it.
I agree. I always judge movies independent of their source material, but I do like to discuss how something succeeds or fails at being an adaptation regardless. Sometimes being a bad adaptation is actually a good thing for a movie. But sometimes a movie is both a good movie and a good adaptation (Dredd), so I think it's worth noting.

Basically everybody who didn't trip over themselves to suck on Final Fantasy XIII's cock write it off as total garbage and seem to carry an even worse opinion over to it's spin-off, Lightning Returns, which I would contend, though an EXTREME deviation from the original source material, is pretty good game.
I actually really liked FFXIII. I completely finished it twice, once when I had a PS3 and got the platinum trophy then again when I switched to 360 and got perfect gamerscore. Lightning Returns was...just fine in comparison. I liked the customization options, but that was about it.

Omnizoa

09-09-16, 11:34 PM

I actually really liked FFXIII. I completely finished it twice, once when I had a PS3 and got the platinum trophy then again when I switched to 360 and got perfect gamerscore. Lightning Returns was...just fine in comparison. I liked the customization options, but that was about it.
I'll defer to SpoonyOne for this who took a solid 3 hours (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dPiHf9bqW1I&list=PLpaNqz1vDmSgNK_eqHo6A94ihwDrQ6nT5) to explain each and every way it sucks.

Omnizoa

09-10-16, 06:08 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27077&stc=1&d=1473594693

Hot Fuzz

Action Horror Comedy / English / 2007

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Always been resistant to see this, I'm not big on Simon Pegg's comedy.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Marriage, Ice Cream, Chocolate Cake, some anonymous slabs of Meat, Dogs, Swans, Pigs, and Horses.

While I'm was not a fan of Shaun of the Dead, I see the appeal in Hot Fuzz a lot better. I think a big part of it is simply a combination of the concept and Simon Pegg's performance who plays a hyper-intense by-the-book cop who finds himself in rural whateversville where his keen sense of crime goes unappreciated.

I liked it when it was playing up the situations with ridiculously inappropriate musical stings, extreme reaction zoom-ins, and charmingly transparent villainy.

It's the sort of comedy where Timothy Dalton as the Hidden Boss in a given scene will lean in all winks and smiles and make a passing joke about beating somebody's skull open, provoking blatant eerie music to play and a crooked slow-mo zoom into Pegg's hyper-suspicious sideglance, entirely in service to the audience's expected narrative conventions.

It's WHOLLY self-aware and I appreciate that.

It got a couple giggles out of me, but for the most part I have to admit I expect much more from comedies that lean on their humor. While the later absurdity lives up to it's trailers, much of the build-up to Simon Pegg and Nick Frost shooting at old people packing heat falls closer to that realm found in Shaun of the Dead: A lot of really mundane deadpan jokes.

Just small ironies.

Just trivial verbal gags.

Just a serious-but-not-entirely-serious tone throughout.

It does very little for me and while certain setups make their payoff like the Point Break reference, others disappoint; it woulda been a great opportunity to totally break format at the end when they're fighting in the model village for them to go all Godzilla mode on us, give us some slow-mo crashing backwards into buildings and ****.

Overall, it's certainly not bad and there are certainly memorable highlights, but the majority does not demand to be seen again.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

CosmicRunaway

09-10-16, 06:21 PM

I think I like Hot Fuzz more every time I see it. It's definitely a favourite of mine, and I appreciate both the comedy and the over-the-top action bits at the end.

My favourite thing about it though, is what they left out of the movie. Supposedly they removed (an unnecessary) love interest for Angel from the original script, but they left some of her dialogue in the film and gave those lines to Danny. Pegg and Frost are always great together, but I like their friendship in this movie the most.

To this day I still repeat "the greater good" in a monotone voice whenever someone else says it. :laugh:

Omnizoa

09-10-16, 06:26 PM

My favourite thing about it though, is what they left out of the movie. Supposedly they removed (an unnecessary) love interest for Angel from the original script, but they left some of her dialogue in the film and gave those lines to Danny. Pegg and Frost are always great together, but I like their friendship in this movie the most.
THAT WAS SO WEIRD, I almost thought Danny was gonna turn out to be gay or something.

Omnizoa

09-11-16, 10:08 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27078&stc=1&d=1473599313

This Girl Is Bad-Ass!!

Martial Arts Action Comedy / Thai / 2011

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Jeeja Yanin's third starring movie after Chocolate and Raging Phoenix and one Zotis has floated around the board a couple times.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Cake, Fried Chicken, Cake, Milkshakes, Cake, Cake, constant Cake.

You thought a mentally handicapped martial arts showdown was weird?

You thought drunken b-boys battling goons on razor spring-shoes was weird?

This the most WTF of the three and at least here it's all in the name of comedy. It gets BIZARRE, you got "elephant fighting" as a euphemism for gay sex (or "dueling penises" if you'd prefer), you'd got a guy with nothing but bushy eyebrows, sideburns, and a Hitlerstache rolling around on a penny-farthing bicycle, you've got a "female assassin squad" consisting of mostly men, and literally every moment that melodramatically slow zooms in on two people talking about something serious and that soft piano music starts playing... dead people joke.

I gotta admit, I laughed more than in Hot Fuzz, but at least Hot Fuzz was consistent in it's brand and general quality of humor, here you got jokes that range wildly in tone and maturity. Frankly, I'd have cut a lot of it out, there's absolutely nothing to gain but the grim acknowledgement at an ATTEMPT at humor when Jeeja overacts her blind infatuation with the neighbor boy that she... sweeps her uncles's sandals away.

Ha. Haha. Ha.

Seriously, when a comedy feels the need to reference placentas not once, but TWICE, eeeeeeehhhhhhh......

That random dead serious bit about her uncle killing the husband of his love interest is a big fat black hole in the script too.

There are also two levels of absurdity here too, there's the "LOOK AT ME THIS IS REALLY WEIRD!" moments which don't amuse me at all, but then there are moments like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Il0VCu9VDw

That got me laughing, we needed more of that, just a dead serious plot about gang smuggling and debt trimmed with characters like that one guy who "dum duhdum dum"s his own dramatic musical stings.

When Jeeja's character's uncle walks into the final battle flicking bullets cross-body into the barrel of his revolver in slow-mo as rock music starts playing, that was great.

Great... but an extremely predictable setup for an ironic anticlimax.

There are 4 main fights in the movie and quite the inverse of before it's they that feel tacked on to the story as opposed to the other way around. The third one's just dull given it's almost entirely in slow-mo, but the others are decent with a solid incorporation of props ranging from bicycles to bottles. As a fight movie I think this is probably the weakest of the three.

In general I'd place it above Chocolate, but below Raging Phoenix.

I'd like to address this one comment on Rotten Tomatoes:

Bad flick. Too much comedy. Barely any action in this. Just a weird and humorless film. Totally ruined Yanin's flow as an action star. Not worth your time at all.
Ignoring the highly questionable claim that any comedy is "humorless" (humor isn't necessarily funny), you have to acknowledge that despite how this movie was clearly marketed overseas, it's primarily a comedy.

It's important to consider judgment versus intent, but the intent of the movie should be distinguished from the intent of it's marketing.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

09-11-16, 03:38 PM

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/tumblr_mupaeu5HxP1swh3svo1_500.gif

Ong Bak: Muay Thai Warrior

Martial Arts Action / Thai / 2003

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've seen bits of Ong Bak 2 and know it contains elephants, but haven't seen Ong Bak 1, the movie that put Tony Jaa on the map.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Lizard, anonymous Meat Slabs *sighs* it's less than usual at least.

In The Protector, the MacGuffin was Tony Jaa's elephant, and as much as I disliked that, I can't say a religious idol is much of an improvement.

Jaa plays Ting, who volunteers to track down the thief of his village's Buddha statue head and in the process runs into Jeeja's uncle from This Girl is Bad-Ass!!, Petchtai Wongkamlao, who this time is playing one of the most despicable protagonists I've ever seen.

All Ting wants is to find Don, the man who stole the statue, who Petchtai's character knows and at EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY tries to extort Ting's fighting ability for the information.

The guy starts this relationship by inviting the guy into his house, stealing from him, and running away. DUDE, that's like the stupidest crime you could possibly commit, there's no need to tell him where you live, YOU BROUGHT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE, he could just wait there for you to come back to beat you up, if he wanted to.

Even after he finally does get Ting to fight and wins big on his abilities he goes back home and STILL totally ducks paying rent which Ting covers with a random ring he has. The manager doesn't even question how valuable the ring is, he just automatically accepts it as the equivalent of 3 months payment. How MUCH is 3 months rent around here? Is rent so little or are rings that expensive?

No less, Ting later brags that EVERYBODY knows Don, so what the ****? He's seriously the sort of ******** who'll charge a tourist for common knowledge, go **** YOURSELF, dude. I don't like this guy and his turn from baddie to goodie absolutely fails to salvage this repulsive personality.

I'm glad Ting doesn't buy into his irritatingly loud-mouthed selfish ******** most of the time, but he also doesn't seem to lend much weight to the completely thoughtless setup to his martial arts abilities.

"I see that I have trained you in the art of Muay Thai and your body is at peak physical perfection. Now I forbid you from using this valuable skill under any and all circumstances."

Brilliant.

Sure enough, Ting gets wrapped up in fights and even claims multiple times that he's willing to sacrifice his own life to recover Buddha's head. Meanwhile, the villain himself is pointing out that "it's just a rock".

Meanwhile meanwhile old women are grieving in a dirty old village somewhere in butt**** nowhere that their well has dried up and that only blessed Ting can save them by bringing back the object of their worship.

IT'S A ****ING ROCK, I'm not invested in this ****. You don't even have the Indiana Jones excuse where he just wants to preserve history and art and we don't even have the moment of clarity at the end where the giant Buddha statue looks down on a dying Ting and winks at him WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT.

No, it's just this superstitious ****.

Fortunately the fight sequences are pretty good with the occasional Crowing Moment of Awesome thrown in such as when Tony Jaa JUMPS OUT OF AN EXPLOSION TO DELIVER A SPINNING FIRE KICK TO THE FACE.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/tumblr_m3tfzlY8LS1qgple6o1_500.gif
Scientific consensus is that this is cool.

The ending also has a couple "OH ****!" moments in it, particularly when Tony Jaa delivers what appears to be the epic final blow in a long-winded fight sequence only to turn around and IMMEDIATELY get shot in the chest. I laughed at that.

The worst action sequence by far is the taxi chase which has got to be the worst car chase I've ever seen in a movie.

They're not even cars, they're tiny canopied three-wheelers that goons just jump into and ride individually even though there's no good reason given why any of them jump into them and start driving en masse.

SURE ENOUGH, since they only have three wheels they almost instantly tip over and create a MASSIVE pileup, seriously there's a small army of goons driving these stupid things and the vast majority of them spin out and crash right away.

It's even more hilarious when THEY EXPLODE.

Unfortunately, the hilarity that comes with someone bringing a gun to a fistfight or even a goofy zoom in that shops flames into Tony's eyes and then there's the hilarity of OH MY GAWD, ELEPHANTS!? AGAIN!? WHAT'S WITH THE ELEPHANTS??? You managed a whole hour and 40 minutes without them COULD YOU NOT WAIT TO FINISH THE MOVIE?? Why you got a hard-on for elephants?

Wait a second.

...

That "elephant fighting" thing just put this in a whole new perspective.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

09-11-16, 04:11 PM

Oooooh, I'm like, the only person who might care about this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtbM_W9iNjg

Omnizoa

09-12-16, 05:00 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27089&stc=1&d=1473667242

The Bourne Identity

Action Thriller / English / 2002

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I know I've at least seen one full Bourne movie and bits of others, but I don't think I've seen Bourne Identity.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Fishing and a Dog.

I have seen The Bourne Identity, but the only scene I remember is the only clip of it I saved to my super secret collection of movie clips which I keep stored in a bombproof sensorproof bunker 3 miles beneath an inconspicuous coffee shop in Paris.

It's the scene where they're at the house and looking for the dog and when the birds stop chirping Bourne's all "get in the basement" and leaves to surprise an assassin with a shotgun explosion.

Overall I gotta say it's fine movie, but it is forgettable and I feel that that's purely by virtue of it's generic concept (black ops agent loses memory, government tries to tie up loose end) and that it doesn't have much of it's own personality other than exactly what you'd expect from a big budget action Hollywood movie with just enough going for it to put asses in theater seats.

Even not having seen much of the other movies, I am inclined to agree that Bourne is far too boring of a character to carry on with, but I'll admit that his presentation as a once stone-cold-killer turned someone who doesn't even want to carry a gun or endanger children is a enough to keep me somewhat invested, at least in this arc of his story.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27088&stc=1&d=1473667219

It's rather frustrating to try and come to terms with a government organization, given speed by bureaucracy, that has no qualms with just killing it's employees the moment they make a mistake, like it's expected. It's certainly not the kind of movie that reinforces one's faith in the government, especially when the real-world government is more than guilty of much of the same. It disgusts me the society that breeds this sort of system.

Not much a happy ending either if the organization folds only to be resurrected into a new one. That's clearly the most important conflict here, Bourne renting out that scooter didn't really hold much suspense for me.

OH, BUT WAIT! It wasn't the scooter that was important, it was their RELATIONSHIP which is sufficiently handwaved with some exposition about our leading lady being a drifter to begin with, come for the money and stay for the action, right? That works, but NO.

I have groaned and whinged no harder than when that inevitable kiss comes right the flying **** out of nowhere. And it's presumed they had sex?

How is that anything other than a profoundly stupid idea? Mmmm, yes, gotta cut yourself a slice a dat Matt Damon poontang. You have only what you can take with you, DID YOU BRING CONDOMS??? Nooo? Let's assume you did and then ask ourselves what a lovely situation we would find ourselves in if Leading Lady STILL got herself knocked up by the violent stranger on the run from the law THAT WANTS TO KILL THEM?

NICE. Stupid bitch.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-12-16, 10:42 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27090&stc=1&d=1473687737

The Bourne Supremacy

Action Thriller / English / 2004

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Nothin'. Nada. NOT A SINGLE THING.

Good.

Okay, no I've seen this too, but I remember it better. There are a few scenes that stick out in my mind in particular, such as when Bourne feigns drunkeness out of nowhere and spits alcohol in an officer's face as well as the scene in which he peers in on Pamela and presses her for information over the phone only to "Psyche! I'm right next to you!". I liked that.

Frankly, I kinda feel bad about grinding on the Bourne series after seeing this again, because it's honestly hard to criticize.

It's about as long as Identity, but it's pacing makes it go fast.

The plot is mostly cohorent.

The action is punchy.

There are some neat bits just to watch from a third-person perspective.

And hey, we got a more appropriate happy ending this time.

If I HAD to complain, I'd firstly admit that I still don't know the majority of the characters' names or precisely understand the nature of the Big Bad's plans.

I didn't much care for the garbled flashback sequences, and really shaky cam does become a bit much as it goes on.

"They don't make mistakes"? Didn't this entire story BEGIN because Bourne "made a mistake"?

Also, Bourne is a fair bit less interesting here, and he was barely interesting to begin with. He's really just a stock underdog badass character, there's pitifully little nuance to him, but at least we get a pinch of what we saw from Identity with the ending which has him apologize to a daughter he orphaned prior to losing his memories.

As well-made as it is, I have to admit that just because my only complaints are nitpicks doesn't automatically earn it a 5/5. It's really gotta hit it out of the park with something and perhaps that's the problem with it. There are solid moments throughout it's running time, but overall falls short of the movies that are much easier to criticize, but simultaneously more enjoyable for their ambition and eccentricities.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-13-16, 11:55 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27096&stc=1&d=1473778504

City Hunter

Action Comedy / Chinese / 1993

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I was promised Jackie Chan as Chun-Li.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Milk, Rat, WTF.

If Snake in the Eagle's Shadow is pure 70s and Police Story is pure 80s, then City Hunter is pure 90s.

You have most of staples you'd come to expect from a 90s American comedy, except this time with more guns, more blood, more BLATANT DEATH, and even a gay rape joke. It's all in a family friendly spirit though, this seriously isn't anything you wouldn't see pulled off by the likes of say... Flubber. It's very cartoony.

Honestly I thought the first third of this movie was pretty decent, perhaps I simply haven't seen a typical 90s comedy in a long time, but I thought the immediately tongue-in-cheek 4th-wall-breaking jokes right out of the gate actually served Chan's usual goofiness really well.

Then it started to GRATE. It was probably around the millisecond in time in which a hungry Chan looks down at a girl's breasts and makes a stupid monkey face as the movie superimposes Burgers over them and he imagines her arms and legs as Chicken Wings.

That's... SERIOUSLY ****ED UP.

What is WRONG with society that this passes as a JOKE? I'm ****in' sickened.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27095&stc=1&d=1473778481

Chan's tailchasing certainly doesn't end at ogling either, we get lines like "I've never met a man who wasn't a sex fiend" and "you hit like a girl", topped off with a sour dollop of Monogamy Syndrome to boot.

The action sequences are decent, sparse, but decent. Chan, unfortunately, plays an inconsistently able version of himself where at one point he literally needs to take points from watching Bruce Lee in Game of Death.

The infamous Street Fighter sequence is pretty bizarre, not because Chan is in drag playing the legendary Thunder Thighs Chun-Li, that's somehow very appropriate, but just because it's so completely out of nowhere and unapologetically puts both of them on wires. This is the kind of movie that uses TONS of speed-ramping and low shots of people flying across the camera. It's very 90s.

Altogether, I'm glad movies generally aren't made all ADHD like this anymore, but at the same time I have to admit, I saw a silver streak in this. If this approach to comedy was refined and drew the line at spread-eagle faceplants, ogling girls' boobs, and cartoon sound effects, I could see this being a solid comedy.

Maybe.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

CosmicRunaway

09-13-16, 12:14 PM

I was expecting the Bourne Ultimatum next after the last two reviews, so I'm surprised to see Jackie Chan's face haha.

I rewatched the three Jason Bourne movies (ignoring the side story Legacy) with my room mates a week before the new one hit theatres, and watching them in short succession was not really a good idea, because they really felt too similar. They were a lot duller (and also way more shaky) than I had remembered them being, and instead of making me interested in the new entry, they actually made me not want to see it. I do plan to rent it out or something, but my desire to do so is still pretty low.

Omnizoa

09-13-16, 12:36 PM

Omnizoa

09-14-16, 12:40 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27112&stc=1&d=1473867611

Cliffhanger

Action Thriller / English / 1993

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've never even heard of this movie before.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Horses, Dogs, Bats, and Bunnies.

I wish I had, John Lithgow as the BAD GUY? Sign me up!

He doesn't cheese it up quite as much as I would have preferred, but he plays his part well.

There are a couple small niggles I have about the movie, why didn't Ms. Brainiac McPlotDevice use her legs to cross on the rope? Doesn't it make sense to try and mimic how her hubby did it EXACTLY so as not to fall to her grisly death, especially since she has an established fear of heights?

We're seriously laying blame on Stallone's character because his weight on the line... DIDN'T break the line? Isn't that the entire reason NOT to go out on the line, because the extra weight to snap it loose? No, let's blame his weight on the woman's utter refusal to cling to her life with BOTH HANDS. That's a really annoying trope, IF YOU'RE DANGLING FOR YOUR LIFE, no amount of "me~ah I have poor upper body strength" is gonna excuse you dying because you couldn't commit enough effort to throw your other hand up.

You can hijack trains, but you can't hijack planes? FORESHADOWING~!

Also, ears? Cold? Are not your ears cold? Mine would be cold.

Overall I think it was a decent movie, it wasn't afraid to kill off a few characters, it has at least one moment of ridiculous badassery (killing a man on a stalagtite) and Lithgow slithering a couple of his lines makes me tingle.

You know what real love is, Kristel? SACRIFICE.
Now, honestly it could've been better. I had hoped that the bad guys would legitimately feign being innocent hikers so Stallone would have to glean their malicious intentions as he's tries to escort them through the mountains, presumably after one of their "friends". It would naturally lend itself to suspense well, but sadly that doesn't happen.

Also that line from Lithgow about comparing himself to a conquerer. You gonna build on that line? Maybe elaborate on what he intends to do with the money? Does he think he's taking back what's he's owed for some past transgression? A little development woulda gone a long way.

Anyway, cool flik.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-14-16, 03:40 PM

http://crypticrock.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/return-4.png

Return of the Living Dead

Horror Comedy / English / 1985

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
CURVEBALL!

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"BBBRRAAAIIINNNSSS!"

Butterflies, Lamb Chops, Pot Roast, Chocolate, Hotdogs, and that really ****ed up Split Dog thing.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

That was the best damn zombie movie I've ever seen.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/nuke.gif

I'm serious, and you probably know I hate horror, and have no doubt I am NO FAN of zombies, but that was a GOOD movie.

Being the first movie to introduce Tar Man, the progenitor of the idea that all zombies want BRAINSSS, I was really only familiar with it's historical relevance (I saw it referenced in some WatchMojo's Top Movie Monsters list or some ****), but I was encouraged to see it based on the not-so-serious promotional material featuring a cavalcade of punk, and punk girls no less.

BOY, did this movie deliver, it's not quite the pure cheese I would expect, but it's nonetheless the oldschool trashy 80s thriller I had hoped for. It's surprisingly reserved in it's depiction of gore, and if you can stomach the practical effects, Tar Man is very well choreographed and that half-lady zombie they strap down to a table is REALLY well done.

Have no doubts, I would be well in my place to say I found these aspects of the movie unpleasant, but both come with just that hint of WTF that makes me giggle.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27113&stc=1&d=1473878382

I mean, I sat there, hoping to see a line of police cars roll up to kick some ass only for all of them to be swarmed IMMEDIATELY, because that would be really funny, AND IT HAPPENED.

And then of course you got zombies getting on the radio to "send more cops".

There are couple small aspects I could sniff at like the "queer" comment, the "nobody dies with perfect teeth" comment, the "getting eaten by old men turns me on" comment, or even the fact that the Morgue Guy gets a cup of coffee with his bloody gloves EEEEEWWWWWWW, this really wasn't a grossout movie, at least to me.

It's an interesting little romp around the genre and little touches of flair like the skeletons bursting out of the ground to Partytime by 45 Grave, and dialog gems like "Do you think the movie lied!?" really sold me.

SO, what is this BLASHPHEMY where a horror movie gets a good rating from me!?

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 09:15 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27125&stc=1&d=1473941716

Goldfinger

Thriller / English / 1964

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've never seen a pre-Brosnan James Bond movie.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

Kissing and Horses.

I think people who like this movie are either diehard Bond fans or find a highly specific appeal in Bond's seemingly arbitrary goofiness.

When this movie begins with jarringly bad speed ramping and Bond just generally sucking at putting up a fight, I was immediately put off. Bond sucks in every fistfight he gets into in this movie, and given the established fact that he needs all of his gadgets explained to him, supposedly every mission (because he has different ones in each movie, right?) it makes it seem as if his only purpose is to schmooze his way through enough pussy to see the Big Bad's master plan and merely be present for the climax.

He has a small handful of moments of cleverness and they honestly make up the best parts of the movie, but the rest feels boring, and at times absurd.

He lures a guard into his cell just by disappearing out of the extremely limited view of the window? That's weak.

Was I supposed to buy that an aerosol would drop all of those troops soundlessly and simultaneously the moment the plane flew overhead? That was weak too.

Bond is strapped to a table, about to have his penis lasered off, and he manages to spook Goldfinger into letting him go on the grounds that he has the name of the guy's pseudo-heist plan and only the conspicuously non-specific implication that he knows what it even is? That was incredibly weak.

Pussy Galore had a change of heart? SUPER WEAK. Jeez, after Dredd I think I'm going to name a new trope: Schindler's Twist. It's when a hardass gets a heel-face-turn and there's absolutely no ****ing warning of it or indication as to what could have possibly have convinced the character to switch sides.

Bond says something to the effect "appealing to her maternal instinct". What, after that "he kills little girls" comment which you just had thrown back in your face? And literally nothing else?

I don't think the women in this movie can act very well either, two of them are supposed to being grimacing in their respective scenes, but they seriously look like they're on the verge of laughing.

It's also really obvious where the movie's budget went too. The movie's early and outdoor composite shots were a sacrifice in favor of a huge and highly elaborate transforming Villain Lair.

And to top it all off, all of Sean Connery's charm can't save this:

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/Man-talkJames-Bond3707-1437999067.gif

Alright, spare me a soapbox moment and let me say one thing on the topic of feminism.

It's really stupid. NOWADAYS, it's really stupid, it scarcely has a legitimate place in the modern world, at least where first world countries are concerned. Elsewhere? A far more credible discussion.

In the vein of criticizing modern third-wave feminism though I've heard people argue that "no, there is no double standard for men when it comes to sex", asserting that men who **** a lot of women are no less denigrated as sluts than women who **** a lot of men.

If you don't already find that concept silly, then let me formally present to you my counter-argument: James Bond, an over 60-year-old franchise that remains a multi-million dollar product to this day, one of the biggest signatures of which being the single-file-line of various girls he beds with little more than a wink and a smile every single movie.

They're literally called "Bond Girls", their identities inextricably exist only to reflect well on him.

Men like him because he's a power fantasy character and this power fantasy character specifically satisfies a masculine ideal, one in which the ease with which any given woman he has a passing interest in becomes like puddy in his hands.

The guy's a sex fiend (albeit not by City Hunter standards), but that quality carries positive connotations that don't extend to women. There is no female Bond equivalent, female characters are routinely chaste and notoriously, as even Return of the Living Dead demonstrates, and as Scream will confirm, blatant demonstrations of assertive sexuality almost always guarantee your DEATH.

To say that there is no double standard in a world that dichotomizes it's longest running fictional franchises with male characters who kill in their stories and female characters trying not to be killed in their stories is ridiculous.

That's the whole reason I like Action Girls, I'm sick of the seeing the same divisive tropes again and again. Women have testosterone too.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Clazor

09-15-16, 09:51 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27125&stc=1&d=1473941716

Goldfinger

Thriller / English / 1964

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I've never seen a pre-Brosnan James Bond movie.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

Kissing and Horses.

I think people who like this movie are either diehard Bond fans or find a highly specific appeal in Bond's seemingly arbitrary goofiness.

When this movie begins with jarringly bad speed ramping and Bond just generally sucking at putting up a fight, I was immediately put off. Bond sucks in every fistfight he gets into in this movie, and given the established fact that he needs all of his gadgets explained to him, supposedly every mission (because he has different ones in each movie, right?) it makes it seem as if his only purpose is to schmooze his way through enough pussy to see the Big Bad's master plan and merely be present for the climax.

He has a small handful of moments of cleverness and they honestly make up the best parts of the movie, but the rest feels boring, and at times absurd.

He lures a guard into his cell just by disappearing out of the extremely limited view of the window? That's weak.

Was I supposed to buy that an aerosol would drop all of those troops soundlessly and simultaneously the moment the plane flew overhead? That was weak too.

Bond is strapped to a table, about to have his penis lasered off, and he manages to spook Goldfinger into letting him go on the grounds that he has the name of the guy's pseudo-heist plan and only the conspicuously non-specific implication that he knows what it even is? That was incredibly weak.

Pussy Galore had a change of heart? SUPER WEAK. Jeez, after Dredd I think I'm going to name a new trope: Schindler's Twist. It's when a hardass gets a face-heel-turn and there's absolutely no ****ing warning of it or indication as to what could have possibly have convinced the character to switch sides.

Bond says something to the effect "appealing to her maternal instinct". What, after that "he kills little girls" comment which you just had thrown back in your face? And literally nothing else?

I don't think the women in this movie can act very well either, two of them are supposed to being grimacing in their respective scenes, but they seriously look like they're on the verge of laughing.

It's also really obvious where the movie's budget went too. The movie's early and outdoor composite shots were a sacrifice in favor of a huge and highly elaborate transforming Villain Lair.

And to top it all off, all of Sean Connery's charm can't save this:

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/Man-talkJames-Bond3707-1437999067.gif

Alright, spare me a soapbox moment and let me say one thing on the topic of feminism.

It's really stupid. NOWADAYS, it's really stupid, it scarcely has a legitimate place in the modern world, at least where first world countries are concerned. Elsewhere? A far more credible discussion.

In the vein of criticizing modern third-wave feminism though I've heard people argue that "no, there is no double standard for men when it comes to sex", asserting that men who **** a lot of women are no less denigrated as sluts than women who **** a lot of men.

If you don't already find that concept silly, then let me formally present to you my counter-argument: James Bond, an over 60-year-old franchise that remains a multi-million dollar product to this day, one of the biggest signatures of which being the single-file-line of various girls he beds with little more than a wink and a smile every single movie.

They're literally called "Bond Girls", their identities inextricably exist only to reflect well on him.

Men like him because he's a power fantasy character and this power fantasy character specifically satisfies a masculine ideal, one in which the ease with which any given woman he has a passing interest in becomes like puddy in his hands.

The guy's a sex fiend (albeit not by City Hunter standards), but that quality carries positive connotations that don't extend to women. There is no female Bond equivalent, female characters are routinely chaste and notoriously, as even Return of the Living Dead demonstrates, and as Scream will confirm, blatant demonstrations of assertive sexuality almost always guarantee your DEATH.

To say that there is no double standard in a world that dichotomizes it's longest running fictional franchises with male characters who kill in their stories and female characters trying not to be killed in their stories is ridiculous.

That's the whole reason I like Action Girls, I'm sick of the seeing the same divisive tropes again and again. Women have testosterone too.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Is it that you've only seen a few bond movie and they just happen to be Brosnan or is the Brosnan movies the bond movies you like (by previous statments I'm guessing the former, but I'm curious)?

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 10:37 AM

Is it that you've only seen a few bond movie and they just happen to be Brosnan or is the Brosnan movies the bond movies you like (by previous statments I'm guessing the former, but I'm curious)?
I've seen only Brosnan and Craig Bond movies. I've spent far more time playing 007 video games than I've spent watching the movies, and Brosnan predominantly plays Bond in them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxxHZCoqaNs

Iroquois

09-15-16, 10:48 AM

You'd think [Return of the Living Dead would be something I love, but after two viewings it's still a 2 for me. Such a shame. At least the theme song and some of the effects are cool.

An interesting thing that got pointed out by Film Crit Hulk's four-part thesis on James Bond (which I do recommend checking out if you're interested in a nuanced analysis of how Bond movies do and don't work) is how Bond movies only tend to be as fundamentally strong as the Bond girls and that the best ones actually tend to have relatively well-developed female leads for Bond to go up against instead of the flat pieces of eye candy or even one-dimensional action girls (e.g. Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies or Carey Lowell in Licence to Kill) that lend the trope its worst definition. Despite its status as the quintessential Bond movie, Goldfinger also establishes many of the series' worst flaws in addition to its most iconic tropes (especially in how its women are quite disposable - two of the three most prominent female characters are killed off and the third...kind of gets raped by Bond? Given how much you were going to take the film to task for the notorious "man talk" scene, I'm surprised there wasn't more commentary on the way in which they treat Pussy Galore as a character (especially when she's implied to be a lesbian in that super-subtle 1960s kind of way, which only makes her encounter with Bond even more troubling).

Clazor

09-15-16, 11:01 AM

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 12:54 PM

An interesting thing that got pointed out by Film Crit Hulk's four-part thesis on James Bond (which I do recommend checking out if you're interested in a nuanced analysis of how Bond movies do and don't work) is how Bond movies only tend to be as fundamentally strong as the Bond girls and that the best ones actually tend to have relatively well-developed female leads for Bond to go up against instead of the flat pieces of eye candy or even one-dimensional action girls (e.g. Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies or Carey Lowell in Licence to Kill) that lend the trope its worst definition.
I hope you took my "Action Girls" comment merely in the spirit in which it was intended and not just the specifics.

Since starting this movie binge the female characters I've really gravitated towards are the likes of Mace and Deunan from Stranger Days and Appleseed respectively. They're not shoved off to the side of the story and their appeal comes not just from their relatively unique ability to kick ass on occasion, but also from their depth as characters, such as how they play off of their respective male counterpart protagonists' personalities.

Despite its status as the quintessential Bond movie, Goldfinger also establishes many of the series' worst flaws in addition to its most iconic tropes (especially in how its women are quite disposable - two of the three most prominent female characters are killed off and the third...kind of gets raped by Bond? Given how much you were going to take the film to task for the notorious "man talk" scene, I'm surprised there wasn't more commentary on the way in which they treat Pussy Galore as a character (especially when she's implied to be a lesbian in that super-subtle 1960s kind of way, which only makes her encounter with Bond even more troubling).
I DID get that vibe when I was all "Why is she called Pussy Galore?" and then saw her all-female pilot crew.

But then what? She falls for Bond? Bond is so ******* manly that he can turn lesbians straight.

Frankly, I really didn't want to come across as "taking to task" the man talk scene. It's an unfortunate product of it's times that I was all too prepared for, and the one comment I really felt compelled to make was in response to some of the anti-feminism I've seen in the surf (not necessarily here on the boards). I feel a lot of it's well warranted, but I think people get caught up in their position and lose sight of things objectively.

Just because one person's position is untenable doesn't mean every single one of their arguments is untenable. I've seen people handwave the sexual promiscuity double standard like it's not a thing when it most certainly is. Not that there aren't double standards held against men or that discrimination doesn't go both ways, but this is certainly one that regresses women and it stings of reckless disregard for the truth to deny it's existence.

http://thelibertycaucus.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/railroad-tracks-all-aboard-florida.jpg

In particular, you hear a lot of talk about diversity in video games (Overwatch was raked over the coals and back until they added an overweight and butch character to their multiplayer roster) and while feminists tend to overreact to this, anti-feminists tend to underplay it, like it's not a thing.

I guess my little rant is indicative of some residual irritation I've had from listening to people who seem generally reasonable yet resort to knee-jerk obfuscation tactics like "oh no, such a shame that women are portrayed as attractive" and "I don't find that sexually objectifying because it doesn't turn me on", they're just evasions.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 02:18 PM

Added to the OP:

New Trope Lexicon:
Monogamy Syndrome: When the idea of polygamy triggers a possessive character to behave irrationally, often derailing the plot.
Overnight Romance: When characters spend less time developing a romantic relationship in-universe than the actual runtime of the movie.
Sad Chekov: When Chekhov's Gun (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChekhovsGun) is implied, but neglected.
Schindler's Twist: When a Bad Guy performs a plot-critical Heel-Face Turn (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeelFaceTurn) without any warning or apparent provocation.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 05:10 PM

WELL, after that complete and utter CRAP, it's time to purge my brain of all the bad thoughts and watch something good. Let's watch something wholesome and family friendly.

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/cDatQhC.gif

Hentai Kamen

Superhero Erotic Comedy / Japanese / 2013

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

I'm NOT a pervert!

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"If I could wear the panties of the girl I love, I could gain power most unfathomable."

Egg Whites, Burgers, and Chicken, a scene that could not end fast enough.

If the concept is not enough to sell you on one of the most mercenary viewing experiences of your life, DON'T WATCH IT.

If, however, you're like me; a complete and total ****ing doofus, you'll get a few laughs.

Hentai Kamen is the origin story of the superhero, "Masked Pervert", a seemingly ordinary guy born of a dominatrix and a cop. One day a new student shows up at school and he becomes immediately smitten, but when she's instantly captured by Bad Guys, he accidentally finds himself wearing a pair of used panties on his face WHICH UNLOCKS HIS HIDDEN POTENTIAL FOR DELIVERING PERVERTED JUSTICE!

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27135&stc=1&d=1473971677

Read as: guy in little more than a thong pronouncing simmering heroic monolgues before delivering each and every enemy's face in swift collision with his crotch, invigorating his power to the tune of Michael Jackson shrieks.

It is just as ****ing insane as it sounds. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Soon enough, a gang of low-lifes hire an array of mundane thematic baddies such as Pleasant Man, Gay Man, and Slender-But-Fit Man to stop him, but it's not until a teacher steals away his crush's affection and becomes his imposter, ruining his good name in public and defeating Hentai Kamen is an overly drawn out Villain Monologue about how he's actually WAY MORE perverted than Hentai Kamen because he dares to wear panties on his face inside out in order to deny himself the smell he desires, for HUMILIATION GIVES HIM GREAT POWER.

And if you're even remotely versed in anime you know it can't possibly be over until Leading Lady Love Interest gifts Hentai Kamen the ultimate power, her own personal panties, FOR THE WORLD.

Seriously, this movie is ****ing stupid and even if you can tune in like I can, that's not going to stop that extraordinarily awkward moment where you realize you're watching two grown men with underwear on their faces having a crotch thrusting contest in a quiet empty gym.

Surprise your friends and show 'em this. Then you'll be "that guy".

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Clazor

09-15-16, 05:15 PM

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 05:35 PM

Short, concise and to the point. I like it! :D
I actually accidentally hit a key, I've added more.

Sexy Celebrity

09-15-16, 05:45 PM

That was the best damn zombie movie I've ever seen.

I completely agree.

CosmicRunaway

09-15-16, 05:46 PM

Rating Kingsman without at least seeing as far as the Church scene is like rating Star Wars on its opening text crawl.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 05:48 PM

Rating Kingsman without at least seeing as far as the Church scene is like rating Star Wars on its opening text crawl.
Would have to be a really hideous text crawl.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 05:50 PM

Seriously though, Kingsman was wicked boring. I saw it listed as a comedy, but what incredibly few jokes there were did not amuse me.

Clazor

09-15-16, 05:55 PM

I actually accidentally hit a key, I've added more.

Thought as much, only joking

Clazor

09-15-16, 06:04 PM

Omnizoa
Seriously, this movie is ****ing stupid and even if you can tune in like I can, that's not going to stop that extraordinarily awkward moment where you realize you're watching two grown men with underwear on their faces having a crotch thrusting contest in a quiet empty gym.

*Two minutes of quietly shaking with laughter because can't get air enough to produce sound*

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 06:11 PM

*Two minutes of quietly shaking with laughter because can't get air enough to produce sound*
*pats on back* You okay?

Clazor

09-15-16, 06:14 PM

Seriously though, you sould watch the church scene if nothing else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXB6slJSbL4

Clazor

09-15-16, 06:20 PM

On second thought, if you don't like gore then maybe not watch it.

Clazor

09-15-16, 06:20 PM

*pats on back* You okay?

Absolutley, will just have to find this movie.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 06:28 PM

Seriously though, you sould watch the church scene if nothing else.
*sigh* Fine.

*watches*

I'll admit it's pretty good, it explains how it got so much attention. It's the same hectic cinematography, but now it's got some choreography to match. Would make a decent highlight in most other action movies.

Keepin' my score, though. The movie just tastes altogether bitter and unfunny.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 06:29 PM

On second thought, if you don't like gore then maybe not watch it.
There's way worse then that in Return of the Living Dead.

Clazor

09-15-16, 06:54 PM

There's way worse then that in Return of the Living Dead.

True, though I don't remember much of the movie except Linea Quigley dancing naked on a grave...and then having her guts ripped out by zombies. So yeah, that would constitute more gore that Kingsman. Point to you, Omni.

Clazor

09-15-16, 06:57 PM

Especially as she also comfirmes that to be the absolutley worst way she thought she could die. Cruel irony, thy name is zombie.

Clazor

09-15-16, 07:02 PM

O holy crap, I just discovered...it got a sequel. Hentai Kamen got a sequel that released this year. May the madman in Borat's swimsuit have mercy on us all!

Clazor

09-15-16, 07:08 PM

He also seems to have a female predecessor named Kekko Kamen who defends a school of children from being punished S&M style for infraction against the school's regulations.

http://popcorn-time-movies.com/aa/image/10/guTPZjekFYBwJbLUekK8x9f9Yrt/kekko-kamen-premium.jpg

Iroquois

09-15-16, 10:43 PM

I hope you took my "Action Girls" comment merely in the spirit in which it was intended and not just the specifics.

Since starting this movie binge the female characters I've really gravitated towards are the likes of Mace and Deunan from Stranger Days and Appleseed respectively. They're not shoved off to the side of the story and their appeal comes not just from their relatively unique ability to kick ass on occasion, but also from their depth as characters, such as how they play off of their respective male counterpart protagonists' personalities.

I...thought I did? There's nothing inherently wrong with action girls - I was just citing specific examples of how Bond movies were just as likely to half-ass the development of capable action girls as the more passive damsel types.

I DID get that vibe when I was all "Why is she called Pussy Galore?" and then saw her all-female pilot crew.

But then what? She falls for Bond? Bond is so ******* manly that he can turn lesbians straight.

Frankly, I really didn't want to come across as "taking to task" the man talk scene. It's an unfortunate product of it's times that I was all too prepared for, and the one comment I really felt compelled to make was in response to some of the anti-feminism I've seen in the surf (not necessarily here on the boards). I feel a lot of it's well warranted, but I think people get caught up in their position and lose sight of things objectively.

Just because one person's position is untenable doesn't mean every single one of their arguments is untenable. I've seen people handwave the sexual promiscuity double standard like it's not a thing when it most certainly is. Not that there aren't double standards held against men or that discrimination doesn't go both ways, but this is certainly one that regresses women and it stings of reckless disregard for the truth to deny it's existence.

You did single that particular instance out as your example of how this movie is sexist and then go off on a tangent about the flaws in third-wave feminism, so I really wasn't sure what you were going for there.

In particular, you hear a lot of talk about diversity in video games (Overwatch was raked over the coals and back until they added an overweight and butch character to their multiplayer roster) and while feminists tend to overreact to this, anti-feminists tend to underplay it, like it's not a thing.

I guess my little rant is indicative of some residual irritation I've had from listening to people who seem generally reasonable yet resort to knee-jerk obfuscation tactics like "oh no, such a shame that women are portrayed as attractive" and "I don't find that sexually objectifying because it doesn't turn me on", they're just evasions.

[/CENTER]

what

Rating Kingsman without at least seeing as far as the Church scene is like rating Star Wars on its opening text crawl.

That's a bad comparison. The Star Wars opening crawl lasts a couple of minutes at the very start of the movie while it takes Kingsman about an hour to get to the church scene. A better comparison would be rating Star Wars without seeing Luke and the others reach the Death Star.

Besides, the church scene is awful anyway.

Omnizoa

09-15-16, 11:39 PM

You did single that particular instance out as your example of how this movie is sexist and then go off on a tangent about the flaws in third-wave feminism, so I really wasn't sure what you were going for there.
It was more on a particular criticism of third-wave feminism which Bond is an ideal answer to.

what
I've seen it.

Besides, the church scene is awful anyway.Michael Caine collects a paycheck.
Your review does a good job summarizing the really awkward style of the movie. It specifically references "Old Bond" as if Goldfinger's eccentricities were the sort of whacky it was going for, but that certainly doesn't come across, especially when it's so self-aware.

It tries to stay edgy through its rough-edged protagonist, self-awareness, ludicrous displays of violence and so forth, but hey, it's not like any of that made Kick-Ass any good.
Kick-Ass operated more clearly in the sphere of a comic book geek getting a realty check about modern heroics, so at least Kick-Ass had an excuse for it's conflicted tone.

Iroquois

09-15-16, 11:58 PM

It was more on a particular criticism of third-wave feminism which Bond is an ideal answer to.

What, in a "hey it could be worse so quit complaining" kind of way?

Your review does a good job summarizing the really awkward style of the movie. It specifically references "Old Bond" as if Goldfinger's eccentricities were the sort of whacky it was going for, but that certainly doesn't come across, especially when it's so self-aware.

Kick-Ass operated more clearly in the sphere of a comic book geek getting a realty check about modern heroics, so at least Kick-Ass had an excuse for it's conflicted tone.

I think that a major problem with both Kick-Ass and Kingsman in that both of them purported to be self-aware and self-referential about their particular genres but they eventually just gave up and resorted to playing things straight but extreme bro by the time the third act came about (as exemplified by the notorious anal sex scene that plays like a graphically escalated version of the usual "Bond gets the girl" ending, but it sounds like you gave up before it even got to that part). It's a shame because it did some legwork to establish how fundamentally flawed an organisation like the Kingsmen actually was despite its noble intentions, but that all got lost under some facile jokes about how They Don't Make Spy Movies Like They Used To. I wouldn't even excuse Kick-Ass in that regard - I reckon it's just as guilty of making half-assed genre parody as Kingsman, if not more so.

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 12:44 AM

What, in a "hey it could be worse so quit complaining" kind of way?
Oh, hell no, I was saying Bond was symptomatic of a real problem people are in denial of.

It's certainly not to the same extreme as it used to be (excepting certain regions of the world), we look back on those workplace harassment videos and cringe, but it's foolish to suggest that there isn't a disparity when there mountains of evidence, just in these past 10 years to the contrary.

I think that a major problem with both Kick-Ass and Kingsman in that both of them purported to be self-aware and self-referential about their particular genres but they eventually just gave up and resorted to playing things straight but extreme bro by the time the third act came about (as exemplified by the notorious anal sex scene that plays like a graphically escalated version of the usual "Bond gets the girl" ending, but it sounds like you gave up before it even got to that part). It's a shame because it did some legwork to establish how fundamentally flawed an organisation like the Kingsmen actually was despite its noble intentions, but that all got lost under some facile jokes about how They Don't Make Spy Movies Like They Used To. I wouldn't even excuse Kick-Ass in that regard - I reckon it's just as guilty of making half-assed genre parody as Kingsman, if not more so.
I largely agree, but I'd argue that Kick-Ass at least managed to convince me that it's a parody from the word go, what with it's dramatic superhero dive into a car followed by a diagnosis of mental illness.

Kingsman didn't even manage that with an opening that rang hollow save for the vague Planet Terror vibe I got from the weaponized amputee and cracked depiction of violence.

Planet Terror was a better parody, hell, Austin Powers is a masterwork of spy parody in comparison.

Iroquois

09-16-16, 01:33 AM

Oh, hell no, I was saying Bond was symptomatic of a real problem people are in denial of.

It's certainly not to the same extreme as it used to be (excepting certain regions of the world), we look back on those workplace harassment videos and cringe, but it's foolish to suggest that there isn't a disparity when there mountains of evidence, just in these past 10 years to the contrary.

I suppose so. It's not like there aren't still issues with the series' treatment of women even these days - Skyfall is a pretty significant offender in this regard despite its popularity and general displays of craftsmanship.

I largely agree, but I'd argue that Kick-Ass at least managed to convince me that it's a parody from the word go, what with it's dramatic superhero dive into a car followed by a diagnosis of mental illness.

Kingsman didn't even manage that with an opening that rang hollow save for the vague Planet Terror vibe I got from the weaponized amputee and cracked depiction of violence.

Planet Terror was a better parody, hell, Austin Powers is a masterwork of spy parody in comparison.

Pretty screwed-up way to establish a parodic tone, though (a mentally ill person died, how droll). I'd argue Kingsman was marginally more successful in that it set up a very capable gentleman spy who could shoot and fight only to have him be effortlessly sliced up by the henchwoman because he was caught up in looking and acting like a debonair Bond type.

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 05:37 AM

Pretty screwed-up way to establish a parodic tone, though (a mentally ill person died, how droll).
It's a dark comedy. It's practically a record scratch when he gets stabbed in the parking lot.

I'd argue Kingsman was marginally more successful in that it set up a very capable gentleman spy who could shoot and fight only to have him be effortlessly sliced up by the henchwoman because he was caught up in looking and acting like a debonair Bond type.
It feels too indistinguishable from a standard anti-climax. It doesn't need to be a parody to play that joke, whereas Kick-Ass is specifically playing up an action/superhero trope.

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 08:49 AM

Incidentally, I forgot what happens in Skyfall.

Iroquois

09-16-16, 09:11 AM

It's a dark comedy. It's practically a record scratch when he gets stabbed in the parking lot.

Yeah, but even for a dark comedy it's very lacking in amusement. Re-visiting it earlier this year felt like a serious chore mainly because of its incredibly obnoxious sense of humour that did feel even more intolerable than Kingsman's flat jokes.

It feels too indistinguishable from a standard anti-climax. It doesn't need to be a parody to play that joke, whereas Kick-Ass is specifically playing up an action/superhero trope.

I honestly think that worked in its favour, but that's me.

Incidentally, I forgot what happens in Skyfall.

The Bond girl is a high-class henchwoman for the villain and Bond accurately surmises that she has a lifelong history of sexual abuse and slavery, effectively promising to "save" her from her gilded cage by stopping the villain. Cue one rather uncomfortable-looking scene where a naked Bond walks up behind her while she's in the shower (with the implication of sex, of course) and before too long she's being used as the target in a William Tell game between Bond and the villain (spoiler alert, the villain shoots her and she's effectively forgotten five minutes later). Suffice to say that it's got issues.

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 09:24 AM

Yeah, but even for a dark comedy it's very lacking in amusement. Re-visiting it earlier this year felt like a serious chore mainly because of its incredibly obnoxious sense of humour that did feel even more intolerable than Kingsman's flat jokes.
Hmm. Looks like both movies were co-written by Mathew Vaughn and Jane Goldman.

I honestly think that worked in its favour, but that's me.
Frankly, I didn't find it even remotely amusing. It hardly even seemed like a joke to me. Queue delayed bisection reaction shot, ooo~ooh, what are we watching, Cube? I've seen it before; it's unpleasantly gruesome, it's obvious CG, it doesn't impress me, and if it was supposed to amuse me, Kung Fury did it better.

"I could tell he was dead right away."

The Bond girl is a high-class henchwoman for the villain and Bond accurately surmises that she has a lifelong history of sexual abuse and slavery, effectively promising to "save" her from her gilded cage by stopping the villain. Cue one rather uncomfortable-looking scene where a naked Bond walks up behind her while she's in the shower (with the implication of sex, of course) and before too long she's being used as the target in a William Tell game between Bond and the villain (spoiler alert, the villain shoots her and she's effectively forgotten five minutes later). Suffice to say that it's got issues.
That sounds terrible, I completely forgot all of that.

Iroquois

09-16-16, 09:36 AM

Hmm. Looks like both movies were co-written by Mathew Vaughn and Jane Goldman.

Both are also based on comics written by Mark Millar as well, which explains the common ground. It is my understanding that Vaughn and Goldman do take considerable licence with their adaptations of Millar's comics, though.

Frankly, I didn't find it even remotely amusing. It hardly even seemed like a joke to me. Queue delayed bisection reaction shot, ooo~ooh, what are we watching, Cube? I've seen it before; it's unpleasantly gruesome, it's obvious CG, it doesn't impress me, and if it was supposed to amuse me, Kung Fury did it better.

"I could tell he was dead right away."

Yeah, good point (though, to be fair, Cube wasn't going for laughs - maybe the same bit in Resident Evil was, though). Why am I even trying to defend this movie again?

That sounds terrible, I completely forgot all of that.

Yeah, it's pretty damning and a major reason for why I don't share most people's high opinion of it.

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 09:38 AM

Yeah, good point (though, to be fair, Cube wasn't going for laughs - maybe the same bit in Resident Evil was, though).
I didn't care for it in Cube either.

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 08:11 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27139&stc=1&d=1474067409

Rush Hour

Action Comedy / English / 1998

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Beef Burrito, Chicken Wings, Baby Back Ribs, Eel, Camel's Hump, what in the ****.

It's unfortunate that Chan would go on to be very dismissive of much of his American work, I imagine Battle Creek Brawl was a cruddy first experience and studios' eagerness to culturally charge his appearance in an American setting (even though it was handled pretty evenly in Rumble in the Bronx) pulled comedy to the forefront, sacrificing the action stuntwork Chan is known for and personally enjoys.

I've always been put off myself by the racial humor in the Rush Hour movies, I really don't find lines like "you don't ever touch a black man's radio" or Chan saying "what's up my *****" funny, they're just feeble attempts to stir the effervescent melting pot at best and cringe-inducing at worst. It's also far FAR from Chan's best action work.

That said, and as much he may deny it, Rush Hour has easily got to be one of his best movies. Chan's movies almost always tend to drag narratively, the action sequences, spectacular as they may be, are the dying pulse that encourages viewers to endure the rest of it's idle nonsense. The race humor in Rush Hour isn't funny, but neither is the usual immature slapstick we tend to find in his other movies.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27138&stc=1&d=1474067376

Jackie Chan's likable not just because of the jokes, or even the insane stunts he performs, but because brings a charming passion to each project, and at least that doesn't feel absent here. Starring alongside Chris Tucker tends to be the dividing point with these movies, save the diehard Chan fan who daren't suffer a movie with any less than 3 kung fu fights in it, you either love him or hate him, at least that seems to be how it comes down, but I for one feel that while yes, he can become extraordinarily obnoxious, it's a gradient, in the first Rush Hour he is quite tolerable.

What really works here is that both of these actors aren't really playing characters terribly far beyond their own personalities and they're such clashing personalities that they're naturally perfect to compliment each other. Call backs to whether one speaks determines whether they can speak and dialog about their respective fathers who they looked up to as policemen only to have it come down to "my dad could beat your dad" contest are great. Tucker's charisma and resourcefulness really gels well with Chan's determination and skill, at least when it comes to the job, which is the entire point of the movie.

There's also something special about seeing these two fish from either sides of the pond liking very different music, but can agree that they both enjoy War by Edwin Starr enough to warrant a training montage.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

tatmmw2

09-16-16, 08:18 PM

Is that a bomb? China sells walking bombs now too? Where can I buy one walking/talking bomb? :)

Omnizoa

09-16-16, 08:41 PM

Is that a bomb? China sells walking bombs now too? Where can I buy one walking/talking bomb? :)
Visit your local Chinese consulate.

Omnizoa

09-17-16, 10:35 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27145&stc=1&d=1474119296

A Better Tomorrow II

Crime Drama / Chinese / 1987

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

The first one was good and False Writer slated it above the first.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Rice is just like my father and mother, don't **** with my family."

Kissing, Sausage, Chicken, Eggs, Pizza, Milk, other crap.

I now see where Iro got that gif of Chow-Yun Fat giving the thumbs up.

So let's solve this mystery: how is it that Chow-Yun Fat is not only in the movie, but front and center of the promotional material in a sequel to a movie that wasn't even remotely about his character, yet he still DIED in?

Is it a prequel? No.

Did he survive? Multiple gunshot wounds to the chest for that long?

Please, let's be realistic, obviously Mark had a previously unmentioned IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER NAMED KEN, yeah, so, we're not gonna take this story quite as seriously are we?

So the plot this time involves Ho and Kit conscripted into dealing with a new counterfeiting gang that has assumed control. Both of them go undercover, Ho through his old connections and Kit through a feigned interest in a suspect's daughter.

Kit's wife is pregnant and she's still the same pouty sock puppet as before and yet this information doesn't appear to penetrate Kit's skull when he out of nowhere decides it would be wise to take his fake girlfriend home to his wife. Spoiler warning: it's not. Both of them pull Monogamy Syndrome on him and this subplot immediately aborts because the girlfriend is killed off shortly after.

The girlfriend is the daughter of suspect, Lung (not to be confused with actor Ti Lung), who turns out to be Ho's Uncle and is quickly absolved of suspicion when an "escaped" Ho asks to stay with him only to be rebuked and told to turn himself and start over after he's paid his dues in jail.

Unfortunately, despite being cleared, Lung's property is in demand the counterfeiters cleverly frame him for a double homicide which he himself isn't entirely convinced he hasn't inadvertently committed.

Lung escapes to America where a church is massacred by his assassins and he's inexplicably framed AGAIN. Okay, I bought the first time because you showed it, but it made no ******* sense this time, the police found him unarmed and cradling a wounded child in his arms and they pin the whole thing on him? Especially when there are SURVIVORS who can testify that he was working there before gunmen suddenly shot the place up?

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27144&stc=1&d=1474119268

Lung, struck again, FOR SOME REASON, by guilt with the situation I guess eventually finds himself resigned to the fact that his daughter's never coming to America to join him (given that she's dead, having been killed by a traitor) and this just destroys him.

I'm not talking about introverted or uncommunicative or even emotionally unstable, the guy becomes a twitchy drooling IDIOT. But hold on, because we're in a America and this is where we meet Ken, who is essentially Mark, but does a whole lot more mugging.

Our introductory scene to Ken is gangsters trying to shake him down at his restaurant for protection fees and we get a hilariously ill-conceived argument in rough English which delivers such classic quotes as "**** YOUR RICE!" and "EAT THE ****ING RICE!".

Ken eventually, somehow, becomes aware of Lung and we have a staggeringly agonizing second act in which Ken needs to coax Lung to eat food who now has a permanent dopey expression on his face and now seems completely confounded by the mind-bogglingly difficult concept of PEELING AN ORANGE. I'm not kidding Ken needs to REMIND THIS BASTARD WHAT CHEWING IS.

They're supposed to bond over this. Look, I don't care if you witnessed your entire extended family have their skin flayed off in front of your eyes with a cheese grater. 1 of your friends died in front of you, your daughter maybe died offscreen, and you witnessed a couple random people die as well. I don't give a **** if you even think it's YOUR FAULT, this isn't post traumatic stress, this is ****ING STUPID.

Every mentally handicapped person I've ever met can handle the mind-blowing epiphany of CHEWING, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!!

Stand the **** up, growing a ****ing spine, SPEAK, like you ****ing know what language is, and if a chimpanzee can outwit your ability to eat a ****ing orange then pick something else off the floor and ****ing eat it, Ken dumped the entire ****ing fridge out onto the ****ing floor because you couldn't ****ing handle ****ing EATING!!!

It's FOOD! This isn't some guy who's become so depressed and self-loathing that he's lost the desire for self-preservation, HE'S A RAVING LUNATIC!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6pZuAJjBa4

THE ****!? Right out of ****ing nowhere, just as suddenly as it came, it went, apparently all it took was seeing Ken take a bullet in the arm to turn his constant dragging roiling stupidity into roiling RAGE and cure him.

Ultimately, Ho, Kit, Ken, Lung, and Dude #5 combine to create a dream team bent on busting this counterfeiting gang, but Kit meets Ken (where he delivers such brilliant lines as "don't speak of the dead in a cemetery" which is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life) and sees a shooting star superstitiously saying it ominously fortells his doom.

Oh? Kit is dumb? Glad to know that, I can care about him less now if he dies.

You'd think, as I did, or at least hoped, that given the surprise twist ending of the first A Better Tomorrow that this is a red herring and that Kit actually won't die.

But he dies.

...

Okay, so... you foreshadowed a twist...
TOLD US you're foreshadowing a twist...
and then did exactly that twist.

How is this even remotely a worthy follow-up to the original?

I suppose it earns some points for the big and slightly disjointed shootout in which everyone, including the good guys, inexplicably manages to get shot, but doesn't necessarily kill them like 99% of all other action movies.

It all ends with Ho, Ken, and Lung all armed, bloody, and sitting in recliners surrounded by dead bodies as the police arrive. All I can say, is that despite the odd scene that actually plays into the themes of the original, such as when Ho is forced to prove his loyalty by shooting Kit, it's a far inferior sequel.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Iroquois

09-18-16, 12:37 AM

Lung, struck again, FOR SOME REASON, by guilt with the situation I guess eventually finds himself resigned to the fact that his daughter's never coming to America to join him (given that she's dead, having been killed by a traitor) and this just destroys him.

I'm not talking about introverted or uncommunicative or even emotionally unstable, the guy becomes a twitchy drooling IDIOT. But hold on, because we're in a America and this is where we meet Ken, who is essentially Mark, but does a whole lot more mugging.

Our introductory scene to Ken is gangsters trying to shake him down at his restaurant for protection fees and we get a hilariously ill-conceived argument in rough English which delivers such classic quotes as "**** YOUR RICE!" and "EAT THE ****ING RICE!".

Ken eventually, somehow, becomes aware of Lung and we have a staggeringly agonizing second act in which Ken needs to coax Lung to eat food who now has a permanent dopey expression on his face and now seems completely confounded by the mind-bogglingly difficult concept of PEELING AN ORANGE. I'm not kidding Ken needs to REMIND THIS BASTARD WHAT CHEWING IS.

They're supposed to bond over this. Look, I don't care if you witnessed your entire extended family have their skin flayed off in front of your eyes with a cheese grater. 1 of your friends died in front of you, your daughter maybe died offscreen, and you witnessed a couple random people die as well. I don't give a **** if you even think it's YOUR FAULT, this isn't post traumatic stress, this is ****ING STUPID.

Every mentally handicapped person I've ever met can handle the mind-blowing epiphany of CHEWING, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!!

Stand the **** up, growing a ****ing spine, SPEAK, like you ****ing know what language is, and if a chimpanzee can outwit your ability to eat a ****ing orange then pick something else off the floor and ****ing eat it, Ken dumped the entire ****ing fridge out onto the ****ing floor because you couldn't ****ing handle ****ing EATING!!!

It's FOOD! This isn't some guy who's become so depressed and self-loathing that he's lost the desire for self-preservation, HE'S A RAVING LUNATIC!

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/e5/de/da/e5deda70bd2d9fce029281f6819c9e8c.jpg

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 01:40 AM

It's a third of the movie we're dedicating to a paper-thin subsitute for a character from the last movie bonding with a contrived man-child over his abilty to gum food off the floor when the story obviously already has him pegged for tragedy.

Given how good the first movie was, I'd say that warrants a few F-bombs.

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 01:42 AM

And if you wanted to get really meta, you'll also notice the review shows a similar lack of self-awareness.

Iroquois

09-18-16, 02:00 AM

Yeah, it's my understanding that the main reason A Better Tomorrow II exists (aside from being the obvious cash-grab sequel thing) is that John Woo was trying to help out Dean Shek with his financial troubles, so it made sense that he gave him a huge role with a lot of capital-A Acting to do even when the writing really doesn't stack up. It's definitely goofy as hell, but I can't really hold it against the movie too hard - the character has been traumatised again and again so it all has a cumulative effect that simply breaks him and sends him insane. Corny, but not implausible - besides, this is a movie where dudes jump through the air while firing guns so, you know, I roll with it.

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 02:21 AM

Iroquois

09-18-16, 02:23 AM

Just remember Rule of Cool, not Rule of Drool.

Tell that to DDL and DiCaprio.

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 02:28 AM

Tell that to DDL and DiCaprio.
Heh?

Iroquois

09-18-16, 02:29 AM

Thinking about how Daniel Day-Lewis and Leo Di Caprio won Oscars for playing characters who visibly drooled.

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 02:32 AM

Thinking about how Daniel Day-Lewis and Leo Di Caprio won Oscars for playing characters who visibly drooled.
Ah, gotcha, I haven't seen either of those movies.

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 02:56 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27158&stc=1&d=1474221373

Lethal Weapon 2

Action / English / 1989

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"It's just been revoked!"

Kissing, Dogs, Fish, Fishing, Steak Sandwiches, Tuna Sandwhiches, and good god let me just bitch about this right now:

There's this really terrible joke in the movie that Murtagh's daughter is gonna be on TV and it turns out she's in a skimpy swimsuit to sell condoms, this naturally triggers too-old-for-this-****-Murtagh go on off on a conservative dad tangent, but it's comedically undercut by his youngest daughter shrugging it off since she's apparently been pretty much thoroughly desensitized to the taboo subject through her "Human Development" class at school which Murtagh scoffs at.

The joke here is that Murtagh is once again behind the times dood, and lagging behind is more progressive and socially conscious wife and children.

That's a joke.

It's a FINE joke, except it arrives hot on the heels of a "DAD! We've agree to boycott tuna because of the dolphins that get caught in the nets!"

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/http3A2F2Fmashable.com2Fwp-content2Fuploads2F20132F062FParks-and-Rec.gif

And so, like a collapsing star, all of the humor in that scene is violently sucked out of existence, funnelled through the point of a needle to twist through space and spill out all over someone's face like a bad bean burrito come back for revenge.

Do I really need to explain why this completely destroys your progressiveness joke? Two words: demonstrable stupidity.

"But Daddy! We can't eat tuna!"

"Why not, honey?"

"Because if we buy tuna then we fund businesses that end
up killing dolphins that get caught in their fishing nets!"

"So you're worried about the dolphins?"

"Yes!"

"But we eat tuna, why aren't you worried about the tuna?"

"..."

"Well?"

"Tuna aren't dolphins, dad!"

*whips out gun, shoots child* "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT USING FALLACIES UNDER THIS ROOF!? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!? I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO THAT WAY!"

Foolish daddy, doesn't understand that it's normal to learn about sex, now let's tell him that Big Sister's a lesbian and her boyfriend is actually a girl trapped in a boy's body.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27157&stc=1&d=1474221349

Anyway, Lethal Weapon 2 follows the original largely well in tone, but I'm afraid it loses in two relatively substantial departments:

The first being Riggs' instability is no longer a unpredictable focal point of the story, the character development is already come and gone, so scenes like the one in Murtagh's bathroom seem only cute, if even homoerotic, than actual moments of character development. Both characters feel well worn into their own skin, and that's great, I really got a sense for the sort of person Murtagh was, but sadly, again, I was much more distant from Riggs.

And this is due in no small part due to his Overnight Romance with Eva Braun. I say Eva Braun because there's literally nothing in the movie to convince anyone that she isn't secretly working with the racist bad guys or that she isn't racist herself. I mean, just imagine that pillow talk:

He moves his face to her neck and inhales deeply of her addictive and mind-numbing natural pheromones, caressing her petite supple breasts and telling her she should leave her job...

She giggles and returns a wry smile, gently arcing a warm creamy leg up his thigh to rest firm against his hard throbbing manhood. She nibbles softly on on his ear, whispering that he should leave that porch monkey cop instead...

"Mmmm, you smell wonderful and your casual racism turns me on..."

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

09-18-16, 08:12 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27162&stc=1&d=1474240361

Django Unchained

Western Action Comedy / English / 2012

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

*sigh*

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

7 minutes and 47 seconds in we see our secondary protagonist graphically blow a horses brains out with a shotgun and I am violently reminded of this conversation (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?anchor=1&p=1580748#post1580630) I just had which serves as just one of countless occasions in which I am made to feel like the odd one out, like I'm some picky bitch who whinges at the smallest most inconsequential things. "Meh~ they have horses in them so I don't like them, mehmehmeh" *easily provoked gag reflex*

The rest of the movie follows a revenge plot about a freed slave killing slave owners with absolutely no mention whatsoever of the horses that are bridled, ridden, and exhibit similar symptoms to what you might call Stockholm Syndrome, you know that thing that makes Samuel L. Jackson a bad guy even though he has no good reason to be a bad guy?

He's just a slave who's used to being a slave, and as much as some particularly unimaginative people might disagree, that most certainly happened and it's far from beyond unthinkable to consider the similar manner in which non-humans like horses can be trained to perform certain tasks even though they are well outside their own personal best interest and even come, by manner of what is commonly referred to as "the carrot and the stick", to rely upon that system of interaction.

This is the point at which I really am upset. You see me typing in all caps, changing font sizes, and dropping F-bombs left and right, but if you haven't yet gleaned by my wildly inconsistent vernacular, I'm sincerely insincere about how much movies anger me. I really don't get angry, it's been years since I've really been angry, and I consider myself a fairly patient person, pushed only to barest limits of what I hazard to call "tolerance" by the sort of arguments TONGO was fielding in the veg*nism thread.

That... that gets to me in a way you have no idea. It's an absolute betrayal of the precise manner of logic we all take for granted, accepted for when it benefits us and ignored at the earliest convenience. Because we daren't think we're wrong, because our ego is at stake and no matter how much suffering is sacrificed to our ego, it's only our own suffering that can supercede it. It's selfishness in it's most basic virile form, it's stunts our critical faculties and takes what would otherwise be something reasonably enjoyable like Django Unchained and ****ING INVERTS IT. Someone reached in arm deep, grabbed hold of the other side and ripped it inside out so the heart beats on the outside and yet no one acknowledges it, not because they're afraid to, but because their whole world is inside out, EVERYTHING they know is one of my ****ing fever dreams full of irreducible equations that have me wake up to splitting headache as my mind grasps for that fading abstract paradoxical space that I had once been invested in, but now can't remember how.

Django Unchained, to the eyes of someone who never stopped staring into the sun is a good movie. Jamie Foxx's a badass, Christoph Waltz is enjoyable, Samuel L. Jackson is a curious baddie, and of course Leonardo DiCaprio positively disappears into his role as the Big Bad within seconds of screentime. The story is an easy sell, the humor is off-color, but on-point, and to be honest about the only thing I'd really complain about is the extraordinary amount of squibs that fail to escape Tarantino's movies.

THAT IS... save for the most glaring issue with the movie. It doesn't end with horses, but starts with horses and horses are a cruel bloody staple of western cinema.

I'll say it once: You can not make me empathize with a character who escapes slavery through his enslavement of others. The movie even intentionally lampshades this point by lingering on Django removing all of the equipment from one of the horses before he rides it. They're in chains too, but this parallel, even plainly evident to Tarantino himself, was not enough to convince him, or even the creators of Tombstone for that matter, that the same logic should extend to the movie's production.

And so, in my most sincerest of sincereties... Quentin Tarantino?

**** you.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 11:51 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27169&stc=1&d=1474296629

The Guardians of the Galaxy

Sci-Fi Action Comedy / English / 2014

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

When this movie came out, everyone said they loved it and they kept giggling back and forth to each other saying the same thing, "I am Groot".

I asked them what was so funny about it, and they just said "it's funny because that's the only thing he says". I stared at them until they became uncomfortable and decided not to see the movie.

But now I have! Will it be funny now?

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Nope!

Kissing, Dogs, whatever those Things were that they were making eat each other.

I beg you recall what I said about A Better Tomorrow when I said the movie started off clunky and ended really really good.

Kinda had the opposite experience here.

The opening scene of this movie, I thought, was excellent. It did a fantastic job of sucking me into a emotionally charged family moment before the spotlights come on to a great big *DOOM* and you lean back in your seat because this is about to be a pretty friggen' epic sci-fi ride.

Then we skip ahead 26 years.

Oh. Uh... really? I was, uh... kinda interested in seeing how that experience would come to affect this character, but we're just going to get empty looks at his present which somehow remained perfectly intact for nearly half this guy's life? Okay...

Anyway, so it's still pretty cool, I mean, yeah it's not infrequently just human characters with some solid color body paint on, but there's some neat stuff here that really gives me big Star Trek and Star Wars vibes, just that whole intergalactic community of aliens going on. There's some really neat looking locations too, in fact I daresay the backgrounds looked gorgeous, I really liked them.

The humor is obviously a pretty significant part of the movie and a couple lines get a giggle out of me, but uh... I dunno, as much as I enjoy the somewhat inappropriate soundtrack, the 80s references really feel like cheap fish-out-of-water jokes that are, again, 26 years old now. I like the vague absurdity that rings the fringe of movies like Return of the Living Dead, but the premise of all these characters and their singular gimmicks; Main Guy wants to be called "Starlord", Main Girl is your stereotypical Ice Queen, Whatshisface takes everything literally, Rocket doesn't like being denigrated as a raccoon, and Groot only ever says the line, "I am Groot", the jokes just aren't punchy enough most of the time and when much of the dialog exists purely to set up these lines I feel like a lot of it goes to waste.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27170&stc=1&d=1474296649

I think my favorite joke was just when Whatshisface says "Nothing goes over my head, my reflexes are too fast, I would catch it", everything after that just didn't live up and this is before the halfway point of the movie.

AT the halfway point of the movie, everything just grinds to sudden friggen' halt when Main Girl opens her mouth and vomits exposition all up and down Main Guy's face about how she has a tortured past and you should feel really bad for her because that sad piano music just this second started playing. Main Guy does that lean-in-for-a-kiss thing, and it simply doesn't matter whether they subvert it for a joke or not, they've now officially shipped these characters, I'm completely ripped out of the movie and left adrift in space as my role as an observer now becomes identifying cliches.

Almost immediately after this point fatigue got to me and I seriously just closed my eyes for a good 10-15 minutes while the movie was playing and just listened to it. A whole lotta banter about how we gotta save the world, and think about the galaxy for once, and I'm going with you or without you, so here's the plan.

I open my eyes and everyone's flying off to the final battle, THANK GOD, just ****ing get on with it already.

Anticlimax.

...

Really? We just out-of-nowhere manage to take down the Big Bad's ship which he survives so we punk him out with a dance? Eh...

It wasn't terrible, but I'd hoped for something more and I ESPECIALLY disapprove of using that scenario to feebly try and call back that excellent opening scene with his mom on her deathbed, HOLY CRAP that was misguided. Had the rest of the movie been on the level I might've thought it touching, I mean it's nothing I haven't enjoyed in other variations...

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h33/RegalNightmare123/tumblr_oa9vauhUIt1uuvwcuo1_400.gif

...but it's barren of any of the narrative weight some actual character development would have accumulated by this point in the movie.

It's the neat sort of movie for geeks who like to pick out cameos by Stan Lee and Lloyd Kaufman, but for me it just needed a good push in either it's story or comedy departments to really kick off the ground.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Miss Vicky

09-19-16, 12:55 PM

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 01:56 PM

You got farther in The Wild Bunch than I did and my views on the use of animals in film are nowhere near as extreme as yours.

I was also underwhelmed by Guardians. Can't get behind your Django review though, if one can even call that a review.
I really don't like Tarantino's style in general and seriously, if the squibtacular was my biggest complaint I'd have given it a 4.

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 02:47 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27173&stc=1&d=1474307205

Deadpool

Superhero Action Comedy / English / 2016

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

This movie has ONE JOB: Keep it clean.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Pizza, Pork, Eggs, Tuna Casserole, Marriage, hell even Sex, it did not keep it clean.

This movie was pretty much just what I expected it to be, but a teensy bit funnier. A got a couple good laughs out of it, I really liked the extreme self-awareness like the X-Men references and the pointing out of tropes like the Superhero Landing (he now owns the tvtropes quote (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThreePointLanding)) and whatnot, I really liked those. A few self-aimed jabs at Ryan Reynolds who I've liked since Just Friends, stomached in Buried, and avoided in The Green Lantern (which is also referenced). A bunch of comments about general geekery really do hammer home that Deadpool really is a superhero fan's sort of superhero and here they've perhaps broadened him a bit to catch the more casual comic book movie fans that will recognize jokes about distinguishing "origin stories" and "ensemble casts".

I've really little familiarity with the Deadpool character, but I know that irreverence is a big part of his character. Unfortunately, you can take irreverence too far and what could have been an amusing subversion of superhero tropes featuring a self-depricating character without the classical sense of justice could have worked brilliantly and I do say that there are regular moments of cleverness in the movie, particularly in regards to the dialog... but then you just got potty humor.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27172&stc=1&d=1474307134

Farting followed by "hashtag #driveby" is as millennial and juvenile as it gets and hearing Deadpool reference Twitter and Facebook and go on about drugs, ****, sex, and even **** WITH sex is more than enough to dial the funny meter way down for me.

The tonal whiplash that comes from ripping back and forth between the goofy and over-the-top present to the awkward and too-serious origin story doesn't do it much favors either. It just begins with Deadpool in a cab picking gum out of the seats, it seriously couldn't just stay there, we needed to stick to convention and give him a tragic backstory? There isn't even any lampshade hung on this, we just get this self-aware parody that can't even remain a parody.

Was I supposed to connect to his relationship with this girl? Am I supposed to treat this like Mask or something? What happened to Death? Why is he dating Copycat?

Whatever, just as I figured they bent too low for the jokes and even put a bullet in Deadpool's rectum while they were at it.

I figure this movie is aimed at the sorts of people who are either diehard Deadpool fans or just haven't heard these sorts of jokes before.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Optimus

09-19-16, 03:23 PM

Your rating for Deadpool and GOTG sucks. :D

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 03:26 PM

Your rating for Deadpool and GOTG sucks. :D
I didn't expect you or teeter_g to agree. I'm more an Iron Man, Spider-man sorta person.

Optimus

09-19-16, 03:28 PM

I didn't expect you or teeter_g to agree. I'm more an Iron Man, Spider-man sorta person.

I love Iron Man, but not so much Spiderman. i need to catch up on some more on your thread later.

Miss Vicky

09-19-16, 03:28 PM

Your rating for Deadpool seems about right. Not a bad movie, but nothing impressive.

Optimus

09-19-16, 03:34 PM

Your rating for Deadpool seems about right. Not a bad movie, but nothing impressive.

Apart from it's very impressive. :p

Miss Vicky

09-19-16, 03:35 PM

Apart from it's very impressive. :p

Not even a little bit.

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 03:36 PM

I love Iron Man, but not so much Spiderman. i need to catch up on some more on your thread later.
Save Batman, as long as we're talkin' superheroes, I prefer characters with interesting and varied powers (Spider-man) or major weaknesses (Iron Man). It also helps for the movie to be tonally and narratively consistent.

Optimus

09-19-16, 03:38 PM

Not even a little bit.

http://cdn.quotesgram.com/small/41/63/1377074538-gladiator-thumbsdown.jpg

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 03:40 PM

http://cdn.quotesgram.com/small/41/63/1377074538-gladiator-thumbsdown.jpg
What did you find impressive about it?

Optimus

09-19-16, 04:18 PM

What did you find impressive about it?

Everything mate. The humour, the action, the whole look and feel to the movie was very impressive.

Omnizoa

09-19-16, 04:28 PM

Everything mate. The humour, the action, the whole look and feel to the movie was very impressive.
D'okay then. A lot of it was pretty familiar to me.

Iroquois

09-20-16, 08:46 AM

Your rating for Deadpool and GOTG sucks. :D

lol (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1468257-deadpool.html)

Much like Omnizoa, I also felt that it was a movie that did nothing I hadn't already seen done better before at best and an aggravatingly juvenile and self-important excuse for an action-comedy at worst. I'd still take it over Kick-Ass, though.

Omnizoa

09-20-16, 08:47 AM

I think it's funny to see Iro rep my Deadpool and Guardians reviews when I'm the only one to have rated them anywhere near as low as him.

Omnizoa

09-20-16, 08:48 AM

I'd still take it over Kick-Ass, though.
I think I would too.

Omnizoa

09-20-16, 09:05 AM

Rooker's signature weapon or Pratt being able to survive in space without adequate coverage of his extremities (flimsy justification for the latter be damned because it just feels like a cop-out no matter how true it might be) - and then there's the longevity of the Walkman...
Yup, yup, yup...

Tugg

09-20-16, 02:30 PM

Guardians of the Galaxy:
First half- 8/10
Second half- 3/10

It doesn't go down hill. It snaps in the middle with usual overblown superhero bombastic.

Omnizoa

09-20-16, 06:16 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27186&stc=1&d=1474406192

Die Hard

Action Thriller / English / 1988

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Yippee-ki-yay, mother****er."

Kissing, Marriage, Christmas, and Chocolate Bars.

There's a two-part episode from Season 1 of Stargate: Atlantis called The Storm (http://stargate.wikia.com/wiki/The_Storm_%28episode%29) and The Eye (http://stargate.wikia.com/wiki/The_Eye) in which the Pegasus Galaxy's biggest ********, The Genii, take over the city of Atlantis with the intention of robbing it, taking everyone as hostages except Colonel Shepard who uses unconventional means to traverse the city-building and knocks off the baddies one by one until he can ace the Big Bad who goads and threatens him over the radio.

This is what I call a Die Hard Foil (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DieHardOnAnX), it's essentially the premise of Die Hard repackaged to fit a television episode and it's a damn good episode, but no shortage of credit goes to Die Hard being a great premise to begin with.

As a mandatory third-person observer you gotta imagine what the bad guys are seeing in this situation, they send off a couple dudes to go take care of something and suddenly they're not answering their radios and instead some smartass starts wisecrackin' and making threats. You don't know who this guy is, but when parts of the building begin getting cut off, locked down, blacked out, or simply blown up in a consistent path towards you and you begin losing track of your guys, this man becomes a massive setback to your plans, especially when you think you have him cornered and suddenly you turn a corner and he's several floors away in a ventilation shaft, HOW IN THE **** IS HE DOING THAT!?.

But also AS a third-person observer we get to see that it's just one extremely lucky/unlucky random bastard who's resourceful and can improvise well enough under pressure to get out of hot situations.

It takes the full standard 15 minutes for there to be any remote hint of dilemma, but once the baddies take the building it's a slow burn to an explosive climax.

I'll be honest, I was never a huge fan of Die Hard, I thought it was a cool concept, but a bit generic in it's plot and characters, the action never really reached the awesomely absurd heights set by other much-less-serious action movies either such as you would expect from Jackie Chan or Schwarzenegger.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27185&stc=1&d=1474406172

On this rewatch though, even having seen it several times before now, I have to admit my appreciation for the movie has significantly improved.

I mainly cite the multiple subtleties in the movie, the numerous little Chekov's Guns which are all granted permission to fire by the end of the movie:

After Hans sees John is barefoot it inspires him to seed the floor with broken glass.

Al's cleverly concealed exposition about never wanting to shoot a gun again is called back when he's forced to kill again.

Holly folding down the photograph of her and her husband (which has always been a rather blunt trope) later serves to delay Hans' realization that he has someone he can threaten John with.

Your Movie Sucks put it well in his review (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DDbi7P93Np8) of The Walking Dead, reincorporation is great WHEN it's not transparent that what you're telling or showing is just a plot device that exists purely to be reincorporated.

The photograph is symptomatic of John and Holly's strained marriage, Al's admission of shooting a kid is part of a desperate attempt to retain communication between John and the police, and even John getting his feet cut up well over halfway into the movie is foreshadowed as early as the very first scene of the movie wherein an airline passenger recommends an unconventional cure for relieving stress from air travel.

Did I really WANT to see Bruce Willis pull bloody shards of glass out of the bottom of his feet? No, I really didn't, but I can respect the fine attention to detail the movie has.

And really it's that which pushes it over the edge for me, you got your tension, you got your release, you got your punching, shooting, explosions, BIGGER explosions, you got your one-liners, and you even got your solid acting from Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman, Reginald VelJohnson rounds them out while Paul Gleason, William Atherton, and Robert Davi play up stereotypical police, FBI, and media ****buckets. You love to hate 'em and they all get their due in the end which is the karmic ribbon on the proverbial package that is Die Hard.

I like Die Hard and I put it in that category of movies that shelters the likes of Strange Days. It's not yet one of my favorite movies, but it's so well made that I have exceptional difficulty complaining about it.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Optimus

09-20-16, 06:21 PM

Die Hard is one of the greatest action movies ever made. I'd rate it 5.

Omnizoa

09-22-16, 11:58 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27203&stc=1&d=1474556279

The Heroic Trio

Fantasy Action / Chinese / 1992

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Decided to look for other Michelle Yeoh movies, this came up.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I will kill ALL the babies!"

WHAT IN THE **** WAS THAT!?

Thssssssttccqqu~ kehhh ggWHAT!?

I could not...

I co...

I take notes while I watch movies if I find stuff to bitch about, but the IMMEDIATE AND EXPONENTIALLY FREQUENT RATE AT WHICH THIS ****-*sigh* This is a ****ing stupid movie.

The dialog is worthless, the story is confusing, the characters... ****in' HEROIC TRIO where 1/3rd of them are babynappers and when confronted try to KILL THEMSELVES, god****...

PHYSICS DON'T EVEN WORK! God, physics get royally butt****ed in this movie; it was like a snuff film, a rape-filled snuff film where the victim is GRAVITY ITSELF.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27202&stc=1&d=1474556254

SURE, there are moments where you just gotta laugh at how ******* absurd it is, but WOW is it boring and the levels of stupidity, I... seriously didn't take any notes for this movie, it was just so stupid, that I'm thinkin', "Well that was friggen' bad, there's no way I'll forget that" BUT THEN SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS AND I COMPLETELY FORGET WHAT THE LAST THING WAS.

I can barely remember all the ****heap of this movie. All I can really remember is some totally out of nowhere nutjob with gardening shears out to kill all of the babies in a hospital because his own baby died, from the good guys dropping it on a RUSTY NAIL, which is a plot that immediately aborts and there's some wacko in the sewer OF COURSE IT SMELLS LIKE A SEWER, YOU DOLT, YOU'RE IN A ****ING SEWER! Then when they manage to blow up the ****er by sticking dynamite in his pants and he's still a ****off-lookin' skeleton they're all like "We destroyed his body, now we need to destroy his essence" and goes RIGHT THE **** TO PUNCHING HIM!

A pack of explosives detonating on his penis didn't kill the guy what makes you think PUNCHING HIM is gonna finish it!? Michelle Yeoh who's got invisibility powers as long as she's offscreen eventually gets possessed by the thing which involves strapping the thing to her hands and feet and going "run away, he's controlling me!" :facepalm:

Eventually a combination of bad editing and a horrible job of conveying her ability to resist his control has her dive off a building and we get the dramatic fall music to a montage of flashbacks all while the thing on her back makes the most UNSERIOUS ****ING FACE IN THE HISTORY OF DRAMA and his head explodes IN MID-****ING-AIR HOW IN THE FFF

Final Verdict: rating_1 [Irredeemably Awful]

CosmicRunaway

09-22-16, 04:03 PM

While it's not a great movie by any means, I unashamedly love The Boondock Saints. :cool:

Miss Vicky

09-22-16, 04:04 PM

Did you actually watch all of Boondock Saints? If not, why are you reviewing movies you haven't truly seen?

Omnizoa

09-22-16, 04:12 PM

Did you actually watch all of Boondock Saints? If not, why are you reviewing movies you haven't truly seen?
I didn't tag it as a review and you will not hear me refer to it as one in any serious context.

Miss Vicky

09-22-16, 04:31 PM

And you got how many minutes in before you shut it off?

Citizen Rules

09-22-16, 04:34 PM

The Boondock Saints

Crime Action / English / 1999

Final Verdict: rating_0 [WAT]

That looks like a rating to me.

Derek Vinyard

09-22-16, 04:38 PM

yeah I agree... I'm a Norman Reedus fan for his character of Daryl Dixon in The Walking Dead but Boondock Saints is stupid.

Omnizoa

09-22-16, 04:54 PM

And you got how many minutes in before you shut it off?
Less than 5. That's the shortest amount of time I've given a movie since starting this thread.

That looks like a rating to me.
Which ignores two problems: first, the assumption that a rating is necessarily indicative of a review or that a review must necessarily concern something in it's absolute totality, and second, that a rating of rating_0 will actually display as NO RATING on certain pages of the site which is in the fact what I mean by it. The lowest rating I'll give a movie is rating_1. I've said this before.

Miss Vicky

09-22-16, 04:58 PM

Instead of putting 0 (which on this site is a rating) and chastising people who haven't read or have forgotten previous posts of you saying that it means No Rating. Why don't you just save yourself the trouble and type "No Rating" or "N/A" instead of 0?

Omnizoa

09-22-16, 05:18 PM

Instead of putting rating_0 (which on this site is a rating) and chastising people who haven't read or have forgotten previous posts of you saying that it means No Rating. Why don't you just save yourself the trouble and type "No Rating" or "N/A" instead of rating_0?
Because I'm not tagging it regardless and I'd rather challenge people to assume the worst of me than waste a trivial couple seconds adjusting a format that'll trigger my OCD and remind me that the overwhelming majority of my other posts in the anime thread STILL NEED TO BE REFORMATTED OH MY GAWD I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!

Miss Vicky

09-22-16, 05:22 PM

Who the hell said anything about tags? I haven't tagged a single one of my own reviews. I don't care about tags. I can't speak for other users, but my browsing is usually dictated by what shows up when I click "New Posts" and I typically read only the most recent posts in a thread unless it's something I've been actively following.

Also, you waste fewer seconds typing "N/A" than you do typing out the code for popcorn ratings.

Clazor

09-22-16, 05:28 PM

While it's not a great movie by any means, I unashamedly love The Boondock Saints. :cool:

Yet again, we are of one mind in this.

Omnizoa

09-22-16, 05:37 PM

Who the hell said anything about tags? I haven't tagged a single one of my own reviews.
So it's over the word "review"? I've since edited it out of the OP, but I originally said that this thread wasn't even necessarily going to contain reviews, just my afterthoughts on movies I've been watching. You'll notice a good portion of the movies listed in the OP aren't linked to review pages, that's deliberate.

Also, you waste fewer seconds typing "N/A" than you do typing out the code for popcorn ratings.
Which I'd have to retype after each "N/A",
AND retroactively apply to all of my other unlinked rating_0 movies just to remain consistent,
AND once again, a 0/5 already passes for NO RATING under seemingly arbitrary site conditions,
AND I'm lazy. So people on a movie website who have more than just the last post I made to make a judgment about me mistakenly believe I've assessed an entire movie's quality in under 5 minutes.

So what.

Not like I haven't done it before, or weren't completely justified (http://www.movieforums.com/reviews/1435131-the-garden-of-sinnerschapter-6-fairy-tale.-oblivion-recording.html).

Miss Vicky

09-22-16, 05:46 PM

Omnizoa

09-22-16, 05:58 PM

Okay, whatever, you do you.

It just seems like way less of an effort to me to do as I suggest than to do it your misleading and confusing way and then having to explain to people what you really mean. You should also say somewhere in your review/write-up/whatever the hell you want to call it that you didn't actually watch the movie.
Oh, I watched the movie alright. There's no "actual" about it, I just didn't finish it.

This rolls back to whether or not you can make a reasonably fair judgment about something you haven't fully experienced. Mass Genocide isn't something I've fully experienced, but I think I have a pretty reasonably informed opinion about it, likewise I don't think sitting through only 7 of the 8 hours of Empire makes me significantly less informed about that either.

Seeing a movie open up to the sort of humor I would shoot on sight seems to me like a pretty damn good indicator that this is not about to end up in my DVD collection.

Miss Vicky

09-22-16, 07:15 PM

Watching less than 5 minutes of a 108 minute film does not qualify as watching that film.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 01:18 AM

Watching less than 5 minutes of a 108 minute film does not qualify as watching that film.
According what reality? I saw the movie, I've given reasonable evidence that I've seen the movie, even if I interrupt you I still heard you speak.

You're asserting a standard with consequences and implications you totally fail to account for. I'm accounting for them.

Iroquois

09-23-16, 07:54 AM

What's the point of writing about it, though? Even what you did write about that first five minutes doesn't tell me anything apart from the fact that you've got such a major personal conviction against organised religion that you're disappointed when an action movie starts with a church not getting shot up - otherwise you're just halfheartedly describing the opening scene. Even knowing that you didn't finish it doesn't mean that we should have to work to infer exactly why you didn't finish it - you practically had to say why anyway when people challenged you over it. It becomes a question of who you're writing these posts for - yourself or others.

In any case, it is rather obtuse to act like watching a few minutes of a feature-length film counts as "watching it". You can technically have an opinion about a film on the basis of the first five minutes, but only watching five minutes does limit your ability to discuss and criticise the film as a whole since you're coming from a place of very literal ignorance. Your Boondock Saints write-up tells us nothing about why you dislike the film except that a scene where two guys peacefully attend church bothers you simply because you hate religion on principle (and if that's not the correct interpretation, then maybe your point isn't that well-conveyed). This may be your style of writing, but to the rest of us it begs the question as to why we should bother reading what you write.

CosmicRunaway

09-23-16, 08:15 AM

I think Murph slapping Connor in the face with a slab of meat (and then Connor subsequently beating Murph with it) was the real reason Omni turned the movie off. I can't say I'm surprised. Omni was going to have problems with this movie anyway because...

...we all know what happens to the cat.
People should be free to write a post in their review thread about why they turned a movie off, but when it's put in a Review format, obviously people are going to assume that that post is an attempt to review the movie despite only having seen a few minutes of it. That's certainly what I thought when I saw the Kingsman review/post.

Omni, I don't think you need to go back and change all of your incomplete movie reviews/posts, but if you want to avoid people questioning you like this next time, maybe consider setting future incomplete movie posts up differently from your normal Reviews, or just avoid giving them a popcorn rating.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 08:29 AM

What's the point of writing about it, though?
Just want to be consistent. I've made a post about almost every other movie I've started so far.

Even what you did write about that first five minutes doesn't tell me anything apart from the fact that you've got such a major personal conviction against organised religion that you're disappointed when an action movie starts with a church not getting shot up
It is an action movie about two guys taking the law into their own hands and I like when an action movie jumps right into it, so yeah, that's about what I would hope for regardless of the setting.

otherwise you're just halfheartedly describing the opening scene.
Yep.

Even knowing that you didn't finish it doesn't mean that we should have to work to infer exactly why you didn't finish it - you practically had to say why anyway when people challenged you over it. It becomes a question of who you're writing these posts for - yourself or others.
Obviously myself first and others second, I imagine your own reviews aren't purely an act of being charitably informative either.

I also thought what I typed was kinda funny, so if no one gets the joke, then no one gets the joke. Whatever.

In any case, it is rather obtuse to act like watching a few minutes of a feature-length film counts as "watching it".
I obviously only disagree using the most literal sense of the term. I don't much care for people delegating that I should have watched X amount of a movie for me to be justified in saying X amount of words about it.

There are numerous threads on this very board about the merits and lack thereof of movies that haven't even come out yet and even I agree that opinions should be tethered to the limits of our understanding of the topic.

No, I didn't watch all of Boondock Saints and what few clips of it I've seen on Youtube do little to convince me that it wouldn't sting of the time I had wasted having seen it when I could be watching something else. And even then, I put some degree of stock into explaining why I didn't finish the movie, which I thought was the apparent conclusion given that I've done this several times in the thread already and the people confronting me on this have read my thread before.

You can technically have an opinion about a film on the basis of the first five minutes, but only watching five minutes does limit your ability to discuss and criticise the film as a whole since you're coming from a place of very literal ignorance.
That's completely true.

Your Boondock Saints write-up tells us nothing about why you dislike the film except that a scene where two guys peacefully attend church bothers you simply because you hate religion on principle (and if that's not the correct interpretation, then maybe your point isn't that well-conveyed).
Apparently not. The main reason I forfeited the movie was because the setup left something to be desired and the most immediate attempt at humor completely fell apart for me.

I understand that the first joke in the new Ghostbusters is a queef joke. I would be similarly put off.

This may be your style of writing, but to the rest of us it begs the question as to why we should bother reading what you write.
Fair enough.

Considering that I don't intend to finish every movie I start (as much as I would like to say I'm comfortable spending that amount of time on suffering past bad first impressions when I have many other more important things I'm hopelessly procrastinating on) and that I like to give reasons for why I didn't finish a particular movie, especially when someone might actually want to know what I think of it, what do you suggest?

I'm quite aware that this conflicts pretty heavily with your much more professional approach.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 08:34 AM

I think Murph slapping Connor in the face with a slab of meat (and then Connor subsequently beating Murph with it) was the real reason Omni turned the movie off. I can't say I'm surprised. Omni was going to have problems with this movie anyway because...

...we all know what happens to the cat.
Oh really...?

Omni, I don't think you need to go back and change all of your incomplete movie reviews/posts, but if you want to avoid people questioning you like this next time, maybe consider setting future incomplete movie posts up differently from your normal Reviews, or just avoid giving them a popcorn rating.
I don't really agree with the insistence against the popcorn rating thing given the fact that it's damn hard to excuse rating something a flat 0 out of X when there was actual effort put into making it worth something.

Still, I'm considering it as much as I don't really care to. I HAD been thinking about making some "First Watch", "Rewatch", "Favorite", and "Incomplete" graphics or something like that, though.

CosmicRunaway

09-23-16, 08:34 AM

It is an action movie about two guys taking the law into their own hands and I like when an action movie jumps right into it, so yeah, that's about what I would hope for regardless of the setting.
Actually, the MacManus brothers believe that they have been granted God's permission to cleanse "scumbags" from the face of the earth. So opening the film in a church is actually rather appropriate.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 08:38 AM

Actually, the MacManus brothers believe that they have been granted God's permission to cleanse "scumbags" from the face of the earth. So opening the film in a church is actually rather appropriate.
Narratively, that's fine. The opening scene really didn't convey that.

CosmicRunaway

09-23-16, 08:48 AM

Narratively, that's fine. The opening scene really didn't convey that.
This post is going to contain spoilers.

It's not something that they believe at the start of the movie. After the opening credits, they get into a bar fight where they humiliate some Russian mobsters. Those guys then track the brothers down, and plan to kill Murphy. Connor and Murph kill the Russians in self defence, and when they realise they did the world a favour, that's when they have their revelation (and a shared dream about having God's forgiveness) and start tracking down criminals.

Their religion is very important to them, and that's something I think that the opening scene does establish fairly well. They don't care for the actual conventions of the Church (they disregard the service and pray themselves behind the Priest, much to the surprise and protest of the guy who has never been there before).

It's impossible to separate their religious beliefs from their actions in the film. If you had seen further into the movie, you'd know that they say a special prayer after every bloodbath they take part in. They truly believe that they are doing God's work.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 08:52 AM

Okay... Not really a big sell for me.

CosmicRunaway

09-23-16, 09:25 AM

I didn't think it would be. Religious themes (and imagery) are integral to the story of The Boondock Saints, so when you opened your post complaining about the Church and religion, I knew before scrolling down (and seeing how quickly you bailed out) that there was no way you'd enjoy the movie. :laugh:

(And that's regardless of the meat slapping and cat incidents which I knew would put you off anyway.)

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 03:59 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27213&stc=1&d=1474657144

The Great Dictator

Comedy / English / 1940

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Suggested by CosmicRunaway for the Pick A Movie For Me (Chain Game) (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46690).

Never seen a Charlie Chaplin movie.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I wish I was a man, I'd show ya."

And that's how you get transgenders.

Cats, Birds, Nazis, nah, I'm kidding, nazis are cool.

About what I expected. Lots of visual gags, slapstick, wordplay, unfortunately this felt pretty tame and at times, slightly juvenile. I got, I think, one small laugh out of the movie and I don't even really remember what it was I found funny.

It was mildly amusing enough to mostly keep me engaged, but I was pretty bored, honestly.

The topic itself is, honestly, a goldmine for humor, but unfortunately they play it too straight at times and even though the nazis are initially presented as petty tomato thieves, the movie really doesn't mind talking about decapitating people and martyrdom and concentration camps.

I've read that Chaplin wasn't aware of the extremes to which cruelty was inflicted during the war, but COME ON, you're casually talking about soldiers going out into the streets to blow up people's homes out of hatred and the only tinge of humor to it is Chaplin is slipping on roof shingles trying to escape. That seems pretty tone-deaf to me.

At the very least there's a pretty bomb speech at the end (no pun intended). A good way to wrap it up and sober any of the chucklers still in stage seating.

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 07:51 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27220&stc=1&d=1474671087

John Wick

Crime Action / English / 2014

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

It seems that after The Matrix and failing to restore his critical status with the likes of Constantine and The Day The Earth Stood Still, Keanu Reeves has got deeper into martial arts and returned to direct Man of Tai Chi and star in action vehicle John Wick. Is Keanu Reeves back?

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Yeah, I'm thinkin' I'm back."

It's seems genuinely difficult to me to square the financial support of this sort of movie since doing so rather implicitly gives a pass to using dogs as critical plot devices.

I really didn't know where the movie was going to go after it's flashforward and I was disappointed to find that after Wick goes on his killing spree to avenge his first dog, he ends the movie by replacing it with another. That's SO ANNOYING because it's probably the most transparent way they could have possibly objectified dogs.

Guy needs emotional support. Gets a dog. Feels better. Dog dies. Gets another dog.

There isn't even any mention of the fact that you can't replace something with sentimental value AND EVEN THEN we're saying a dog has sentimental value because of it's status as GIFT.

BIGGEST complaint of the movie, easily, obviously, even debatably worth saying at all, but it really is the one thing that holds this movie back for me because otherwise I thought this was a solid flik.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27219&stc=1&d=1474671051

The gunplay and CQC was tight and varied, this is much more the Hard Boiled school of shootouts where engagement comes from a power fantasy character smoothly transitioning through a chaotic environment, disabling and executing baddies one by one.

As a power fantasy character, John Wick isn't even that hard to empathize with, even given his criminal background and even given his extremely questionable relationship with dogs (especially given that ending). That's rather tough to pull off and I would attribute a good amount of that to a combination of tone, pacing, and world-building.

We spend almost double the standard 15 minute sell-me window to root this movie in an emotional well before we really get our first shootout and by then we've fairly established the characters, their motives, and the excuse to hit puree with the rest of the movie. The conflict is established fairly well. I really can't complain.

The world-building is somewhat subtle, but I much appreciated the odd moments of inferrable jargon and reference to established constructs that comprise this underworld that John's a part of. It's that little bit that presses the movie forward.

I suppose I shouldn't neglect the mix of B-list actors either, even Willem Dafoe who gets a short turn as an uncertain ally is a much appreciated inclusion. Most everybody pulls in for a good time.

I'm also pretty big on the music which was unafraid to adopt the ambient synth/rock backing from the club or bathhouse to accompany it's action scenes. The tone's consistent and it gels well with the action. Far better than the nonsense you'd get in Haywire.

Really, I liked the movie, and I'd be plenty content to say I'd have no regrets seeing it again, but interweaving the dog into the plot was really damaging. It doesn't leave a good taste in my mouth.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Iroquois

09-23-16, 09:10 PM

I don't necessarily see him as "replacing" his first dog at the end. The first dog wasn't just supposed to be a normal gift from Helen to John, it was also supposed to help him with the grieving process by giving him something to care for while also not leaving him on his own after she dies. The fact that that got prematurely taken away from him - not just because it was an innocent puppy dying a violent death for no good reason, but also his last connection to his dead wife - is what really drove him to exact his vengeance on the underworld in order to make things right and help him process his loss. Him picking up another dog (and not just any dog, but a pitbull - a breed with an unfair reputation for being violent and one that's very far removed from his original beagle, which works because he's not just replacing the dog with an identical one - that's due to be put down) is supposed to indicate that he's finished grieving over his wife and his first dog and is ready to move on with his life. It's not going to have the exact same sentimental value as the first dog, sure, but that doesn't mean he has to abandon dogs completely - if anything, the fact that he willingly adopts a dog instead of passively receiving one as a gift only suggests that he's once again taking charge of a life that had been thrown into chaos by forces beyond his control. All things told, a good conclusion.

Glad you liked the rest of it, though.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 10:05 PM

Iroquois

09-23-16, 10:50 PM

Keep hoping.

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 11:16 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27225&stc=1&d=1474683362

Returner

Sci-Fi Action Drama / Japanese / 2002

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Been putting this reassessment off for a LONG time.

You know that one day years and years ago when you were just bored out of your mind one day and vegged out in front of the TV flippin' channels and you wind up in the middle of a really weird subtitled movie? You don't think much of it at the time, but years later you'ru KICKING YOURSELF trying to remember what in the hell that friggen' movie was.

That was this movie for me, and I found it.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"I'll return, I promise."

Squid Ink and Lobster.

Take Independence Day, E.T., Back to the Future, and The Matrix, mix it all together, heat it up just long enough to burn all the good CG away and serve with Japanese actors, you got Returner.

The biggest complaint I read about Returner is that it's derivative, and that's completely true, there's scarcely an original bone in it's body, but unlike some movies that simply ape their source material trope for trope, Returner seems like a genuine attempt to cram all of those influences together and produce something appealing on it's own, and personally I think it succeeds, even if it is incredibly flawed.

The CG looks ugly, the dialog is, at times, cheesy as all hell ("GO! The future is in YOUR HANDS!"), a couple characters being possessed to speak for the aliens is cringey as ****, and you'd think the villain must be extremely fast to silently run all the way across the deck of a ship out of site and onto a helicopter in a matter of seconds, THAT IS, until you realize the protagonist can be eating and keel right the **** out to sleep in even less time.

It's a goofy stupid movie, but it's one saving grace, if there is only one, would be it's actors and their characters.

The plot involves an alien invasion on the brink of destroying humanity's last stand when protagonist Milly escapes back in time through a time machine humanity just happened to having hanging around in order to kill the first alien which is told to have summoned the invasion of Earth. She immediately encounters Miyamoto, a sarcastic and skeptical mercenary, who she compels to help her by blackmailing him with an explosive to his neck. Thus follows a far-from-entirely-serious relationship which involves a lot of fun interplay between them.

I don't think I can really do them justice with words, so here's a clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIXAPuOnHm0

Turns out while Milly's after the alien, Miyamoto's after the Big Bad named Mizoguchi. Mizoguchi's a great villain because he MUGS THE CRAP OUT OF EVERY SCENE HE'S IN. He's a very entertaining sleazebag and I daresay he's got an excellent death scene if you think about it a little bit.

I really don't think we're supposed to empathize with Mizoguchi at all given how over the top goofy he is, but if you think about it... remember those few instances where he's literally trying to dodge bullets when the main characters have demonstrated literal bullet time?

Imagine this from Mizoguchi's perspective: he sees these brats running around, messing up his ****, making him look inferior, and demonstrating an uncanny ability to move fast enough to dodge bullets. All the way up to the climax, Mizoguchi increasingly moves in a way that looks like he can just sidestep hitscan weapons and after they beat him out time and time again with bullet time, IMAGINE how frustrated he is and angry to prove himself superior, SO SUPERIOR that when they can dodge bullets, he can CATCH THEM, and then you have that glorious little moment where he looks so ******* proud of himself only to have a delayed reaction to being shot in the face.

The music has bursts of genuine quality, the story, while prone to surface-level scrutiny like "why are they burning time at a salon when they gotta save the world?", and you naturally run into about the same narrative failures as Back to the Future when it comes to the time travel aspect, but if you can forgive the movie for it's obvious influences and it's very pedestrian CG, I think it's a pretty touching movie by the end with an ending that features reincorporation that's foreshadowed, but still surprising.

I really like this movie. This is one of those that I totally concede has pretty significant issues, but would also certainly regret not having in my personal collection.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-23-16, 11:17 PM

Keep hoping.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯I'm genuinely open to suggestions.

Omnizoa

09-24-16, 12:21 AM

https://i2.wp.com/cdn29.elitedaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/anigif_enhanced-32162-1409181618-5.gif

There, I've deleted all of my incomplete movie posts and now I feel bad because I really liked some of them.

****, I had more to say about some of the ones I didn't finish than some of the ones I did.

Omnizoa

09-25-16, 04:45 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27236&stc=1&d=1474789490

Dirty Harry

Action Thriller / English / 1971

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Never seen Dirty Harry.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"'Do I feel lucky?' Well? Do ya, punk?"

Hot Dogs.

Is it just me or does Dirty Harry feel like the originator of the rogue badass cop trope? I mean this is the early early 70s, all of your grumbly one-liner-slingin' badge with a chip on his shoulder can trace his way back to this, and I think it's fairly easy to see why.

Clit Eastwood is amusingly overserious with his line-delivery, it almost seems like he was poorly dubbed over, but his permanent grimace assures that he really is "that cool". He's also needlessly racist in one scene which is never referred to again.

Our baddie, who goes unnamed?, is suitably creepy, but to be honest I think he rather shot himself in the foot, or stabbed himself in the leg if you will, by immediately engaging in high-profile crimes IMMEDIATELY after he's been vindicated of his crimes on public television. Way to go, just robbing and leaving an old man with a clear description of you and then hijacking a bus and telling the police exactly what kind of vehicle you're in and where you are, that's some remarkably unintelligent scheming coming from the guy who forced a cop to reveal any tag-alongs by racing him phone booth to phone booth.

Honestly, I think the most interesting part of the movie is simply the trope that just won't go away. How do you make a vigilante if not by telling people whose job it is to pursue justice that they can't pursue justice because bureaucracy? They were making movies like this in the 70s and they're still making them now, I THINK THIS IS INDICATIVE OF A PROBLEM.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27235&stc=1&d=1474789448

How ****ED is your justice system when there exists no law to pardon people who've broken the law with good reason? The whole "you can't torture suspects" thing brings me back to a podcast I was listening to not long ago which highlighted this specific issue; there are specific circumstances under which torture would be a reasonable moral imperative, how come we don't get this?

I mean, say there's a terrorist, who's got, say, New York, doomed to be decimated and irradiated by a dirty bomb, set to a timer in an unknown location. The police have the terrorist in custody and he refuses to say where the device is. You have the option to let several million people die or sacrifice the personal comfort of THE ONE GUY WHO'S TRYING TO KILL THEM.

Scale it down and you got one guy withholding the whereabouts of a 14-year-old girl who's suffocating to death. Harry tortures him, obviously GETS the information, they find her corpse, and then they're all "Dammit, Harry, now he walks!"

What!? WHY!? They're acting like there's literally no way for Harry to know this guy is guilty of ANYTHING that has happened and yet they got the whereabouts of THE kidnapped girl! How the **** could he possibly know that otherwise!? What, is he a civilian who witnessed the crime, opted not to report it, and then INCRIMINATED himself when he was run down by a cop investigating his home over THE CRIME IN QUESTION!?

Are you trying to tell me that ballistics can't match the bullet up to this rifle?It does not matter what ballistics can do.

YES IT DOES! It's called EVIDENCE!

I think there was a bit too much female nudity in this.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]

Omnizoa

09-25-16, 07:42 AM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27239&stc=1&d=1474800119

Kite

Sci-Fi Action Thriller / English / 2014

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

This one has a rather obvious appeal for me.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

Shishkebab, Meat Slab, it's strange to think that Kite is adapted from an anime, because it's anime qualities are practically non-existent and finishing this movie left me wishing there was a better version of it.

I haven't seen the original Kite, but this version was rather perplexing. It's premise of a dirty cop "helping" his dead partner's drug addicted amnesiac daughter to take down the human trafficking organization that killed her parents isn't a bad one and the twist at the end was a fair surprise, but... it felt really awkward.

I'm immediately at odds with our protagonist being a drug addict, frankly, I think you're effectively handicapping your character when your do that because it makes it way more difficult to relate to her, especially when said drug erases memories and effectively casts her as ignorant against a self-aware background. There are mysteries in this story and the only obstacle is the drugs she's taking. Pretty fricken' dumb. Not only that, but Uncle Samuel L. Jackson seems all too contradictive in his "I swore I'd take care of you" dialog as he casually thrusts a needle full of mind-erasing drug into her body. Nice.

Really, it's one thing to make your protagonist a drug addict, that quality about them has to serve their character in some way, such as it is in House M.D. or even Ink.

Here it's... literally the primary plot device the entire movie rotates around and even without it I think this movie suffers.

I had occasional fondness for the aesthetic beats, both musical and visual, but the entire movie feels... dirty. Not the Dirty Harry kind of dirty, but messy. The movies plagued with the same old same old audiovisual artifacts that are meant to create trippy flashback moments for amnesiac characters, but this seemed like self-indulgence. The movie's obviously not going to drip-feed us new information in this way, that's telegraphed very clearly and confirmed when our character gives up the drugs and immediately remembers a single key detail. All of that dizzying garbled fuss was just a complete waste, it never served any purpose other than to stylize an aspect of the movie that would only seriously come into play once.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27238&stc=1&d=1474800090

On top of that the movie's heavily and selectively desaturated and near the end becomes a challenge to even SEE past how dark it gets.

All this and you still have conspicuous metaphorical dialog delivered in such a way that feels nothing short of melodramatic and this clashes with, yet again, the squibtacular violence which features our protagonist slamming a dildo into a bad guy's mouth so hard that the back of his skull explodes all over the wall behind him.

I dunno, it might be just me, but that doesn't seem very realistic.

And even then, did I read that scene right? Was that a dildo or something else? We've established that she's rockin' explosive bullets in a fancy gun she's got hidden in a mechanical compartment of her bag among other gadgets so was that really a dildo or was that a dildo designed to "blow it's load" so to speak? Was it a trick explosive dildo?

Isn't her entire arsenal smuggled police and military weapons? Are the police arming themselves with dildos now? Seriously, WTF was that?

Final Verdict: rating_3 [Meh...]

CosmicRunaway

09-25-16, 07:44 AM

There, I've deleted all of my incomplete movie posts and now I feel bad because I really liked some of them.
I know it's too late now, but I really don't think that was necessary. :(

Omnizoa

09-25-16, 07:48 AM

I know it's too late now, but I really don't think that was necessary. :(
You should also know that that doesn't make me any better and you should know that I know that you know that it's too late, but you'll say it anyway.

If I stopped now and left everything I had already done it would be inconsistent and that would bother that absolute crap out of me and the criticism was implicative of those old posts as well, so I won't hear it.

Done is done. Let's move on.

Omnizoa

09-25-16, 02:19 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27240&stc=1&d=1474823907

13 Assassins

Action / Japanese / 2010

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"12 men can never defeat 200."
"So what? As for the fish that takes the hook, the bigger, the better."

Not if you have to fight the fish. And not if the fish is a whale. Also Fishing. Horses. Stickbugs. Rabbits. And let's count that shot of the naked kid pissing in the street, we didn't need that did we?

13 Assassins reminded me, unpleasantly, of Seven Samurai, a much better movie, and The Raid, a slightly better movie.

The first 15 minutes, which I reiterate is the standard window of time I give for movies to sell me on their premise, was terrible. It was a monumental drag through and I credit that to a combination of needlessly drumming up cartoonishly evil crimes to pin on the Big Bad as well as the trope I still have no title for: LOTSA NAME-DROPPING, but nothing hits the floor.

I've complained about this repeatedly in movies; it's that annoying form of exposition that's nothing but characters flat out describing the relevant and non-relevant names and organizations that are offscreen as if this is all super important setup to absorb, yet by the end of the movie, I can tell you EXACTLY what happened, but I'll be damned if I remember a single name of one of 13 samurai in the title of your FRICKEN' MOVIE!

It's ridiculous, it takes at least 49 minutes for any real action to show up and after the halfway point of the movie I feel like I'm watching a ****** version of Seven Samurai that plays like a slightly better version of Azumi.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27241&stc=1&d=1474823931

I don't know any of these characters, and even taking up 2 hours the 13 Assassins absolutely pale in comparison to the Seven Samurai. The whole movie just looks dirty, there's some skin-deep introspection about how "being a samurai is about dying for your master" which, I digress, is a phenomenally stupid basis for conflict... BUT THEN, we are talking about a society that advocates harakiri which we're offered to watch twice in the movie.

Both times I'm positively baffled why it's in the movie, because it neither lends me a positive outlook on it's world or it's characters and the topic isn't addressed in any critical way. They open the movie with one (why?) and there's another partway through when a man out for revenge for his murdered family forbids passage on a bridge to The Big Bad. Instead of fighting, the Big Bad turns and leaves. So the guy kills himself.

WHAT was that about? Too bad the Big Bad didn't know that the mere acceptance of the rule against crossing bridges would provoke the enforcers of that rule to kill themselves. Imagine how many laws you could break if an "okay, officer" would trigger cops to shoot themselves?

Now obviously the reason here is that he can't bear to live in the world without his family, but COME ON, how was he managing BEFORE today? Why did he see his chance for revenge and pass on it? This scene is just a driveby, the writers giggling to themselves in their truck as they roll up to smash a mailbox only to hit it and dent the hood. AND THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE.

The movie even ends with one of the only two survivors saying he's gonna become a bandit. Nice. A real straight A student we got there, a true hero. 'Course, these are also the guys who thought an appropriate ambush tactic was to LIGHT COWS ON FIRE.

Final Verdict: rating_2 [Just... Bad]

Omnizoa

09-25-16, 05:57 PM

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27244&stc=1&d=1474837053

Die Hard With A Vengeance

Action Thriller / English / 1995

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown (http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=46011).

Reassessment time.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*

"Who in the hell wants to blow up a department store?"
"Ever see a woman miss a shoe sale?"

Ever see a man's lips ripped off? That's one of the first lines in this movie and it's ****in' terrible. They set the stage for much of the racial humor that rolls in with Samuel L. Jackson's character, but fortunately it's all uphill from here (or downhill from here if you're a pessimist). It's a fair bit classier and Die Hard 3 actually has the cajones to take a stab at it for what it is.

I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me 'cause you're a racist!
THANK YOU. I'm sick and tired of that. Once again, Samuel L. Jackson aids clearing up common misconceptions about America's racial tensions.

ANYWAY, I don't want to talk about that anymore. How does this compare to Die Hard? It's up there. How does this compare to Die Harder? That happened?

Oh yeah, Dogs, Eggs, and Kissing.

Samuel L. Jackson is a welcome source of wit and his more Pulp Fiction-y boisterous personality which still manages to clash with Bruce Willis in amusing ways.

Jeremy Irons is... debateably on par with Alan Rickman as the villain, truly he's a rock solid baddie actor to take his place, least of which play his in-character brother.

http://www.movieforums.com/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=27243&stc=1&d=1474837013

The movie has a lot of interesting twists and turns and amidst a fairly excessive repetition of When Johnny Comes Marching Home and a reference to Hillary Clinton as the 43rd president, which is guaranteed to date the movie, I have one nagging complaint... the water jug riddle.

Practically all of the other riddles you could solve given the information, but McClane and Zeus solve the puzzle partway through messing with the water levels. We just cut to them one step away from solving it.

The puzzle and solution is this:

You're at a fountain with a 3 gallon (A) and a 5 gallon (B) jug. You must fill one of them with exactly 4 gallons of water. How do you do it?

Fill B. A is empty, B contains 5 gallons.

Fill A with B. A contains 3 gallons, B contains 2 gallons.

Empty A. A is empty, B contains 2 gallons.

Fill A with B. A contains 2 gallons, B is empty.

Fill B. A contains 2 gallons, B contains 5 gallons.

<Scene>
Fill A with B. A contains 3 gallons, B contains 4 gallons.
</Scene>

I'm not sure why that was important enough to complain about, but the movie agonized over it, I like to solve riddles alongside the protagonists aaand, I just like riddles.

That's a good one.

Final Verdict: rating_4 [Pretty Good]