The Top 10 Nicolas Cage Movies hapax_legomena <3s 2 H8

[hapax_legomena]

It's safe to say that this site + boredom has turned me into a listoholic. This time around I will be presenting you with the top ten Nicolas Cage movies that I love to hate. These are not my favorite Nicolas Cage movies... sort of. These are Nicolas Cage movies that I find to be awful, but also extremely enjoyable at the same time, mainly due to the hilarity of Nicolas' absurd antics while desperately trying to act his ass off. So basically you could say that I do indeed love these films, and treasure them more than my own mothers love.

WARNING: Harry Lime probably doesn't approve of this list.

Top 10 Nicolas Cage Movies I <3 2 H8

10.Snake Eyes
http://i.imgur.com/hInIDQX.png
Fresh off of directing Mission: Impossible, Brian De Palma decides to go from one fantastic actor in Tom Cruise, to another, even more fantastic actor in Nicolas. This movie has plenty of memorable Cageisms and outbursts to keep the humor consistent, but this movie almost didn't make this list due to one man; Gary Sinise. Gary Sinise put on a performance that was shockingly worse than Cage's, and not the good kind of worst. Sinise almost single-handedly put this film in the dark abyss of bad-bad Nicolas Cage movies, but fortunately the Nicolas moments are juicy enough to earn this spot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx5eHx_Dh_M

Some Sinise action for you as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gai_SKnB-wQ

09. Next
http://i.imgur.com/zQg5dEK.png
Talk about a bad hair day. Not only does Next have a hefty amount of Cageisms, but you also get to look at one of his worst film hairdos to date. This is one of the worst adaptations of a Philip K. Dick story, although it is a pretty loose adaptation. Did I mention that Nicolas gets it on with Jessica Biel? His undeniable musk is pretty common.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNgHOGKzLWs

08. Bangkok Dangerous
http://i.imgur.com/F1JfwTy.png
Speaking of bad hair days, we might as well jump right into one of Nicolas Cage's most notoriously horrible film hairdos. Seriously though. What the **** is this?
http://clatl.com/binary/5616/1310056514-300.cage.bangkokdangerous.090208.jpg
Anyways. Not only is his hair a mystifying treat, but you get plenty of really awkward Nicolas scenes as well. Which is what you can only really expect when his romantic interest is a deaf Thai girl? As an extra edition of suckery, Nicolas also has an extremely annoying whitest Asian guy sidekick, who I assume is there for comic relief, although Nicolas takes care of that obviously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRsOFd4rgCs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IC0rPGhGjvI

07. Season of the Witch
http://i.imgur.com/6ODb8jY.png
Yet another terrible haircut, although not nearly as egregious as the previous two, as you eventually kind of forget about it. It's still pretty bad though. This movie is dealt with the difficult task of convincing the audience that both Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman are skilled and multiple-war seasoned Crusade knights who literally cut through years and years of endless enemies. Right. Anyways, this will be the first time I bring up another common theme in Nicolas movies, and that is Nicolas torment. This time his torment is silly to the max, and is always funny whenever it gets brought back up. And yeah, this movie has a really stupid story and ridiculously silly effects.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSdJROUofOA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1t5YgIo8Sg

06. Seeking Justice
http://i.imgur.com/IdzxCYc.png
Seeking Justice was released in 2011, and you would never know it. Not even the Razzie awards know it, as Nicolas was nominated for a worst actor Razzie this year for Seeking Justice. In truth, this movie didn't actually earn its petty limited release in the US until early 2012. Basically, Nicolas appears to be on pcp the entire film, and it's totally hilarious. That + all the ridiculous and contrived horseshit that Guy Pierce instructs him to do via cellphone is truly comedic. I'll watch as Nicolas seeks justice all day long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHY_UwgUiNk

05. Valley Girl
http://i.imgur.com/7ES0Mkl.png
Valley Girl was Nicolas Cage's very first lead role in a feature film, so you know it's going to be good. Nicolas definitely started young with his crazy antics, and it shines through in Valley Girl. Not to mention that Nicolas as this awkward version of a "punk" is too good to be true. Let's also reflect on the DVD chapter, aptly titled "Hunkelicious Beach Candy", in which Nicolas is seen prancing around the beach in a dangerously short bathing suit and sporting chest hair shaved into a triangle. Thank you Based Nicolas. Thank you.

This video starts off immediately with some hunkelicious beach candy, bless them
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAMV01XqOSY

04. Face/Off
http://i.imgur.com/1qKbFGc.png
I honestly cannot comprehend how people actually think this is an acceptable Nicolas Cage movie. No. Just no. It's a terrible movie directed by John Woo doing his John Woo things. There are 147 unnecessary flips and dives while shooting recklessly too many. Besides the fact that this movie sucks, you literally get some of the greatest Nicolas Cage moments in the history of Nicolas Cage moments. He makes Castor Troy one of my favorite movie villains of all time, just because he is so absurd and over the top. And let us not forget that in Face/Off... everyone is Nicolas Cage. You get Nicolas being Nicolas, Nicolas being John Travolta, and John Travolta being Nicolas. Seriously... could it get any better than that? Well yes, it can, because this is only #4.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pvb4E3oN4w0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1-6qSGAIyk

03. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
http://i.imgur.com/XStoi4L.png
This movie deserves a personal anecdote, so here it is. Due to a Nicolas Cage obsession, a friend and I will go see any new Nicolas Cage movie released. Unfortunately in 2012, Ghost Rider 2 was the only one to receive a wide release. It was enough for any one human being to sustain and digest in a years time though. I was eventually on the floor of the theater in the fetal position, laughing (and squealing) hysterically like a pathetic loser. No regrets. Ghost Rider 2 is exponentially worse than it's terrible predecessor, and has some of the most bizarre and out-of-control Nicolas moments I have ever witnessed. On top of that, this movie was off the charts retarded. I honestly cannot even believe that this was released how it was. I don't even think Nicolas took it seriously. At all. It was all such a joke, but so superiorly humorous. Ghost Rider 2 is a gold mine, and I feel like a lot of people will skip it. Don't. Go see Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance right now.

This video is a poor rip, but is one of the single greatest Nicolas Cage moments of all time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLEEmIQBJlk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E35cHbgEir8

02. Deadfall
http://i.imgur.com/ubG2nls.png
Whether it was the 80s, 90s, or post-millennia, Nicolas Cage was always up to his crazy tricks. Nicolas in Deadfall is one of his most memorable and eccentric performances to date. I honestly don't even know how to describe it, but I'm sure most of you have seen clips by now. It's so over-the-top and hilarious that it almost seems surreal. You literally need to just strap in and see it for yourself. As soon as possible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nN17X-OdGQ

01. The Wicker Man
http://i.imgur.com/QvT7foI.png
The Wicker Man holds a special place in my heart. This is the very movie that ignited my fiery passion for Mister Nicolas Cage. It only seems reasonable to fall under Nicolas Cage's spell after viewing his shenanigans in The Wicker Man. With buttloads of quotable horribleness and Nicolas running around in a bear suit punching women, there really isn't much not to love about this atrocious remake. The Wicker Man might just be the king of all Cageisms and memorable Cage moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qjme5hh_bYY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1GadTfGFvU

[CelluloidChild]

If there's one thing this list reminds me of, it's Nicolas Cage's overexposure on the screen.

[hapax_legomena]

Lots of the images (not the movie posters) don't appear

Must be the youtube videos. I can see them though.

[linespalsy]

I don't get the over-the-top revulsion at Gary Sinise in Snake Eyes? If anything I think the character could have been better written but he did fine with it. Cage is as over-the-top as usual but I don't think you're supposed to fall in love with the character so I don't have a problem with it (unlike, say, Leaving Las Vegas which is just a slog with the constant focus on the mawkish cliched characters). I like Snake Eyes a lot anyway for De Palma's eye, so I'm probably inclined to be easier on the actors, but I think it's much closer to Blow Out than that movie's fans want to admit.

I also think you're being overly hard on Next. Not that it's great or anything, but your fixation (on his hair) again seems rather quirky.

I haven't seen Next since it came out but I don't remember Cage being either good or especially bad (or even especially Cagey) in that. It's also misleading to call it one of the worst Philip K. Dick adaptations since the standard practice is to churn out interchangeable action thrillers with the sci-fi conceit more-or-less intact from the original stories. With that in mind I actually think it's one of the better ones (compared with the likes of Paycheck or The Adjustment Bureau) - though not one of the best. Still just an average movie but that doesn't make it terrible in my book.

Okay, with the nitpicking out of the way, have you seen Vampire's Kiss? He's way over-the-top in that and pretty entertaining. Also a pretty bizarre movie - not too far from American Psycho.

Also where's Con Air?

Aside: the other day I saw a screen-cap from Wild at Heart and thought it was photo-shopped, I'm so used to seeing his face superimposed on random things that I can't even pick out when it's really him anymore...

[Miss Vicky]

'Scuse me, but I happen to be one of the people who thinks that Face/Off is a genuinely entertaining movie.

[linespalsy]

Yeah, I'm one of 'those people' too.

[SnuffStuff]

Where's Trespass?

[mark f]

It would be "nice" to watch the movies before trashing them. :)

[hapax_legomena]

I don't get the over-the-top revulsion at Gary Sinise in Snake Eyes? If anything I think the character could have been better written but he did fine with it. Cage is as over-the-top as usual but I don't think you're supposed to fall in love with the character so I don't have a problem with it (unlike, say, Leaving Las Vegas which is just a slog with the constant focus on the mawkish cliched characters). I like Snake Eyes a lot anyway for De Palma's eye, so I'm probably inclined to be easier on the actors, but I think it's much closer to Blow Out than that movie's fans want to admit.

I also think you're being overly hard on Next. Not that it's great or anything, but your fixation (on his hair) again seems rather quirky.

I haven't seen Next since it came out but I don't remember Cage being either good or especially bad (or even especially Cagey) in that. It's also misleading to call it one of the worst Philip K. Dick adaptations since the standard practice is to churn out interchangeable action thrillers with the sci-fi conceit more-or-less intact from the original stories. With that in mind I actually think it's one of the better ones (compared with the likes of Paycheck or The Adjustment Bureau) - though not one of the best. Still just an average movie but that doesn't make it terrible in my book.

Okay, with the nitpicking out of the way, have you seen Vampire's Kiss? He's way over-the-top in that and pretty entertaining. Also a pretty bizarre movie - not too far from American Psycho.

Also where's Con Air?


1. Nah, Gary Sinise was definitely awful in Snake Eyes.
2. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MfEUzep_GRE/SK29t7bPNNI/AAAAAAAAClA/kUgQT5B_3lc/s400/next.jpg
3. Soooo you haven't seen a movie since 2007, and you're this confident that it wasn't atrocious? Nononono, it's ****ing awful with plenty of hilarious and awkward Cage moments. It's not an average movie. It's bad.
4. I unfortunately fell asleep while watching Vampire's Kiss, and have yet to get around to it again, despite being one of his memorable over-the-top performances
5. Con Air has a few moments, but it's not one that really stands out to me as super memorable. His accent was pretty hilarious though, and ofc, the hair.

'Scuse me, but I happen to be one of the people who thinks that Face/Off is a genuinely entertaining movie.

Because you are insane.

Where's Trespass?

Trespass is one of the bad-bad Nicolas Cage movies, bro. It was hardly enjoyable to watch from start to finish. Some hilarious Cage moments, but overall it hurts.

It would be "nice" to watch the movies before trashing them. :)

What?

[Guaporense]

It's safe to say that this site + boredom has turned me into a listoholic.

Making lists is fun! Though, after three lists I made over the past three months I will give it a break.

[hapax_legomena]

Lists are indeed fun. It also brings back reflections on films, which is nice.