KJTheReviewer
12-09-12, 02:48 PM
This Is my Review of Nativity 2, If you like it, why not register to my website which I will post on my profile, This is currently my only review but there will be more shortly.
Even though this movie is aimed at young children, Im sure It seems childish even to them.
The first flaw I would like to point out in this movie is one you wont notice till the movie is over, THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE MAKES NO SENSE! This may seem like nitpicking, but the movie is called Nativity 2: Danger in the manger. I understand this movie is a sequel, and unnecessary one at that, so this first flaw in the title is unavoidable. There is NO NATIVITY. Yes, that's right, there is no nativity in a movie called nativity, It would have made more sense to make a new movie and call it A Song For Christmas, Because the movie is actually about the kids trying to win a competition called a song for Christmas, which is in a castle in Wales for some reason.
The second flaw in the tile is ''Danger In the Manger'' There Is no Danger In The Manger. The Only scene in a manger is SPOILER(But seriously who cares if I spoil ''Nativity 2'' its not like I spoiled the sixth sense) When David Tennants wife, gives birth to the baby, the happiest scene in the movie. So the movie should actually be called A song for Christmas: Happiness in the manger. Or even better A song for Christmas: Blair witch
Yes that's right, 90% Of the movie is spent with the cast aimlessly running around the woods, I do like Blair witch, because It worked in the context of the movie. The scariest scene in Nativity 2 is when Mr poppy, the assistant teacher, which I will get to later, Throws a baby up in the air and catches it. Which actually scared me, since the baby goes up extremely high and looks like its about to hit the ground and die a horrible death. No..... Im being serious.
So the actual plot of the movie consists of the new teacher(David Tennant) Replacing the old teacher, who ''abandoned them'' Tennant then has to deal with the childish Assistant teacher Mr poppy. Who according to the headmistress, Has no qualifications and is only working there because they are related, however each time they get a proper teacher, Mr poppy scares them away. Surely this is illegal to have Mr poppy, who is clearly a danger to the kids, For instance in one scene, He forces the kids to rappel down the side of a god damn mountain with no safety gear! And has no qualifications/teaching license, teach these kids, The school should be shut down or something? Am I right?
After this, Mr poppy wants the kids to enter A Song For Christmas, A singing competition oddly similar to the X factor, the prize being a christmas no.1 Coincidentally A Song For Christmas is also rigged. However David Tennant Wont let them because the headmistress wont allow it, apparently the coach will cost too much money or something. You might notice that I only mention David Tennant, this is because he is pretty much the only good actor in the film,his performance may not be great but its passable Mr Poppy is just stupid and the kids are annoying.
So Mr Poppy holds secret auditions, where basically the joke is all the kids are terrible, which is funny for the first minute or so, but the scene drags for what seems like a century, ruining the joke altogether. Then Mr Shakespeare from the rich kids school holds auditions which are great, But then somebody at his school is terrible. Im not sure if that was a joke, I didn't laugh.
So then because David Tennant wont let Mr Poppy Kidnap a bunch of children, He gets tied up on a London duck tours bus, which they use as a school bus, And taken to Wales. Then a kid throws his phone out a window. Seriously, this is how stupid the movie gets, and it only gets worse. Mr Shakespeare then stops his bus, and tells one of the kids to turn a sign around, to send Tennants school the wrong way, AND SOMEHOW MANAGES TO LEAVE A KID BEHIND! I remember at my primary school after we stopped we took a register to make sure everybody was still there. Its also Important to note that later in the film, when Mr Shakespeare realises the kid has dissapeared, He just shrugs it off and says something along the lines of ''Who cares if the kid dies in the woods and eaten by wolves, I want to win this thing'' Well that's not what he says, but you can tell that's what he's thinking.
Mr Poppy then drives the school bus into a river for some reason, and acts like he never saw it coming, even though it takes up the whole screen. And then they run out of fuel. They walk around for a bit in the woods and find a donkey, which they use to carry the baby. HAHAHAHA GET IT! DONKEY, NATIVITY! Of course you did......
It doesn't help the movie that 99% of the jokes are just fart jokes anyway, pretty much all told by Mr Poppy, which is just plain worrying.
So the next hour or so is just them walking around the woods, we learn that Mr Poppy was dropped on his head as a baby which ''Explains a lot'' This would also explain why he takes out his anger by throwing random babies up in the air. And it also turns out that the baby was kidnapped by one of the students who ''Thought the baby would like to be in A Song For Christmas''
At the halfway point, we are fully introduced to the villain, David Tennants brother also played by him. His motivations for being such a jerk are never explained. But apparently they hate each other so that's all done and dusted then. He also wants to win a song for Christmas, however he is a famous composer so its rigged for his choir to win.
They have a long discussion about how none of the main characters had good fathers or whatever. But like a care about Mr poppy's childhood anyway, Id rather he had a good father and not been such a wierdo in the actual film. Then they sing a song, for no reason, signalling the start of the more musical portion of this film, and god is it awful.
They finally arrive at song for Christmas after rappelling down a mountain, and then being rescued in a helicopter by David Tennants wife after one of the kids gets stuck. This could have been hilarious, but for some reason I cant put my finger on, its actually the most boring scene in the movie. Maybe by this point, I was so used to laughing at how bad this movie was, things that are actually funny just seem boring.
Then they do some rehearsals, featuring the worst joke in the whole movie, aside from the movie itself, one of the kids mentions Justin Bieber, then Mr Shakespeare says ''who's Justin Beaver'' BEAVER, ARE THEY SERIOUS THAT JOKES BEEN DONE A MILLION TIMES BEFORE! But god forbid me from expecting one original joke in this whole movie, then there's some pointless singing. David Tennants brother is still a jerk. He plans to steal Mr Shakespeare song and go on before him, making Shakespeare unable to sing in the competition he . Then for some reason which isn't explained, the evil brother steals the baby, and locks up David Tennants class in a giant snow globe or something.
Then the competition starts, and then there's about 15 minutes of pointless singing. The highlight being a rap song with lyrics along the lines of ''Kiss me fairy, cus your looking good, can I have your number'' Which sounds less like a nativity and more like a gay pride parade (no offence)
Then after the long tedious wait of this film, we finally get to hear David Tennants class sing, even though they are disqualified for no apparent reason, as it turns out, Mr Shakespeare hates the evil brother, and Tennants class are locked in the snow globe where Shakespeare, which I feel awkward saying, because one of the greatest play writes/poets of all time is being murdered by this film, starts his performance. So for some reason, instead of letting them out and doing a new song. He lets Tennants class go on pretending to be them, so they can play even though they were disqualified.
This all culminates into a climax which destroys and credibility the movie had AT ALL. As soon as the song starts, the first thing you notice, is that the kids ARE USING AUTO TUNE! And its not even well disguised, its obviously there. Clearly this movie was so terrible they couldn't afford kids that could actually sing. Then they do an encore for no apparent reason, possibly because the writers didn't think there was enough awful singing in this movie already.
Then they walk of stage, and they win! as predicted from the start of the movie. However in a oh so shocking twist, its really Shakespeare that won because they took his place, but oh well who really cares. Then the wife starts to give birth, they put her on the donkey..... Again with the awful nativity references. And then they ride it to a manger and she gives birth in the hay just like Mary did. WOW!
This movie, was one of the worst comedies I have ever seen, people may not agree with me here but this movie in my opinion was at the same standard ad THE ROOM with Tommy Wiseau, In fact it was worse because THE ROOM was actually funny, this is just counter-productive to human evolution.
I award this movie 0/10 because it accomplished nothing, and after the movie I actually threw up. I mean it, I actually threw up.
Even though this movie is aimed at young children, Im sure It seems childish even to them.
The first flaw I would like to point out in this movie is one you wont notice till the movie is over, THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE MAKES NO SENSE! This may seem like nitpicking, but the movie is called Nativity 2: Danger in the manger. I understand this movie is a sequel, and unnecessary one at that, so this first flaw in the title is unavoidable. There is NO NATIVITY. Yes, that's right, there is no nativity in a movie called nativity, It would have made more sense to make a new movie and call it A Song For Christmas, Because the movie is actually about the kids trying to win a competition called a song for Christmas, which is in a castle in Wales for some reason.
The second flaw in the tile is ''Danger In the Manger'' There Is no Danger In The Manger. The Only scene in a manger is SPOILER(But seriously who cares if I spoil ''Nativity 2'' its not like I spoiled the sixth sense) When David Tennants wife, gives birth to the baby, the happiest scene in the movie. So the movie should actually be called A song for Christmas: Happiness in the manger. Or even better A song for Christmas: Blair witch
Yes that's right, 90% Of the movie is spent with the cast aimlessly running around the woods, I do like Blair witch, because It worked in the context of the movie. The scariest scene in Nativity 2 is when Mr poppy, the assistant teacher, which I will get to later, Throws a baby up in the air and catches it. Which actually scared me, since the baby goes up extremely high and looks like its about to hit the ground and die a horrible death. No..... Im being serious.
So the actual plot of the movie consists of the new teacher(David Tennant) Replacing the old teacher, who ''abandoned them'' Tennant then has to deal with the childish Assistant teacher Mr poppy. Who according to the headmistress, Has no qualifications and is only working there because they are related, however each time they get a proper teacher, Mr poppy scares them away. Surely this is illegal to have Mr poppy, who is clearly a danger to the kids, For instance in one scene, He forces the kids to rappel down the side of a god damn mountain with no safety gear! And has no qualifications/teaching license, teach these kids, The school should be shut down or something? Am I right?
After this, Mr poppy wants the kids to enter A Song For Christmas, A singing competition oddly similar to the X factor, the prize being a christmas no.1 Coincidentally A Song For Christmas is also rigged. However David Tennant Wont let them because the headmistress wont allow it, apparently the coach will cost too much money or something. You might notice that I only mention David Tennant, this is because he is pretty much the only good actor in the film,his performance may not be great but its passable Mr Poppy is just stupid and the kids are annoying.
So Mr Poppy holds secret auditions, where basically the joke is all the kids are terrible, which is funny for the first minute or so, but the scene drags for what seems like a century, ruining the joke altogether. Then Mr Shakespeare from the rich kids school holds auditions which are great, But then somebody at his school is terrible. Im not sure if that was a joke, I didn't laugh.
So then because David Tennant wont let Mr Poppy Kidnap a bunch of children, He gets tied up on a London duck tours bus, which they use as a school bus, And taken to Wales. Then a kid throws his phone out a window. Seriously, this is how stupid the movie gets, and it only gets worse. Mr Shakespeare then stops his bus, and tells one of the kids to turn a sign around, to send Tennants school the wrong way, AND SOMEHOW MANAGES TO LEAVE A KID BEHIND! I remember at my primary school after we stopped we took a register to make sure everybody was still there. Its also Important to note that later in the film, when Mr Shakespeare realises the kid has dissapeared, He just shrugs it off and says something along the lines of ''Who cares if the kid dies in the woods and eaten by wolves, I want to win this thing'' Well that's not what he says, but you can tell that's what he's thinking.
Mr Poppy then drives the school bus into a river for some reason, and acts like he never saw it coming, even though it takes up the whole screen. And then they run out of fuel. They walk around for a bit in the woods and find a donkey, which they use to carry the baby. HAHAHAHA GET IT! DONKEY, NATIVITY! Of course you did......
It doesn't help the movie that 99% of the jokes are just fart jokes anyway, pretty much all told by Mr Poppy, which is just plain worrying.
So the next hour or so is just them walking around the woods, we learn that Mr Poppy was dropped on his head as a baby which ''Explains a lot'' This would also explain why he takes out his anger by throwing random babies up in the air. And it also turns out that the baby was kidnapped by one of the students who ''Thought the baby would like to be in A Song For Christmas''
At the halfway point, we are fully introduced to the villain, David Tennants brother also played by him. His motivations for being such a jerk are never explained. But apparently they hate each other so that's all done and dusted then. He also wants to win a song for Christmas, however he is a famous composer so its rigged for his choir to win.
They have a long discussion about how none of the main characters had good fathers or whatever. But like a care about Mr poppy's childhood anyway, Id rather he had a good father and not been such a wierdo in the actual film. Then they sing a song, for no reason, signalling the start of the more musical portion of this film, and god is it awful.
They finally arrive at song for Christmas after rappelling down a mountain, and then being rescued in a helicopter by David Tennants wife after one of the kids gets stuck. This could have been hilarious, but for some reason I cant put my finger on, its actually the most boring scene in the movie. Maybe by this point, I was so used to laughing at how bad this movie was, things that are actually funny just seem boring.
Then they do some rehearsals, featuring the worst joke in the whole movie, aside from the movie itself, one of the kids mentions Justin Bieber, then Mr Shakespeare says ''who's Justin Beaver'' BEAVER, ARE THEY SERIOUS THAT JOKES BEEN DONE A MILLION TIMES BEFORE! But god forbid me from expecting one original joke in this whole movie, then there's some pointless singing. David Tennants brother is still a jerk. He plans to steal Mr Shakespeare song and go on before him, making Shakespeare unable to sing in the competition he . Then for some reason which isn't explained, the evil brother steals the baby, and locks up David Tennants class in a giant snow globe or something.
Then the competition starts, and then there's about 15 minutes of pointless singing. The highlight being a rap song with lyrics along the lines of ''Kiss me fairy, cus your looking good, can I have your number'' Which sounds less like a nativity and more like a gay pride parade (no offence)
Then after the long tedious wait of this film, we finally get to hear David Tennants class sing, even though they are disqualified for no apparent reason, as it turns out, Mr Shakespeare hates the evil brother, and Tennants class are locked in the snow globe where Shakespeare, which I feel awkward saying, because one of the greatest play writes/poets of all time is being murdered by this film, starts his performance. So for some reason, instead of letting them out and doing a new song. He lets Tennants class go on pretending to be them, so they can play even though they were disqualified.
This all culminates into a climax which destroys and credibility the movie had AT ALL. As soon as the song starts, the first thing you notice, is that the kids ARE USING AUTO TUNE! And its not even well disguised, its obviously there. Clearly this movie was so terrible they couldn't afford kids that could actually sing. Then they do an encore for no apparent reason, possibly because the writers didn't think there was enough awful singing in this movie already.
Then they walk of stage, and they win! as predicted from the start of the movie. However in a oh so shocking twist, its really Shakespeare that won because they took his place, but oh well who really cares. Then the wife starts to give birth, they put her on the donkey..... Again with the awful nativity references. And then they ride it to a manger and she gives birth in the hay just like Mary did. WOW!
This movie, was one of the worst comedies I have ever seen, people may not agree with me here but this movie in my opinion was at the same standard ad THE ROOM with Tommy Wiseau, In fact it was worse because THE ROOM was actually funny, this is just counter-productive to human evolution.
I award this movie 0/10 because it accomplished nothing, and after the movie I actually threw up. I mean it, I actually threw up.