Hi Im new to this forum and heres my movie

[WezLface_kid]

i wrote the script for the short film . alll in all we took like 3 weeks to write , film, find locations , edit. Im proud of it . Made it in a Chicano film class . and i was wondering what a bunch of movie fiends would think of it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpahopFrF9o


yall better like it http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/8676/iseeu.png

[Deadite]

Welcome. I'll check out your video soon. :)

[MR.Scripts]

Welcome :)

First of all I have to tell you i found it hard to watch past the first 5 minutes. I did watch it all though.

I'm not trying to be unfair as i really do understand the process of trying to write/shoot/edit a film in 3 weeks. The fact you managed to complete the film shows amazing dedication from yourselves and your cast and crew.

The film itself could be a lot worse. I myself have seen a lot worse from people who are working on qualifications or actually getting paid to create a short film.

I feel the camera work could be a lot better. It seems you may be lacking a tripod (i could be wrong) But a lot of your shots where the camera should be still, seem quite shaky. Also, it looks as if you have tried to mix up your shots/angles which is good but you have mixed up too much. I will specifically mention the 180 degree rule. You follow it very well but you have close ups and mid shots of each character when perhaps a wide shot with both characters in would work better. Maybe the angles are just too sharp to allow it to flow properly. I don't know, just my opinion.

One other major problem i saw was your transitions. When scripting shots and angles you should be remembering that you will need to fit these together. You use a lot of fades. Fades are good if they are used in the correct places. I understand the first one you use is to show a lapse of time (the bus ride). Unfortunately, even though I got the time lapse, i don't think it worked. From experience, I think the best way to show a lapse of time is to cut to a different place. Look at most feature films, fades are predominantly used at the beginning and end.(every so often when people die or something sad/dramatic happens).

Overall i think the film is OK. I definitely wouldn't say it is a bad film. Your scripting is very good. I write scripts myself and sell them to companies and your script has a lot of great writing features. The one thing I would say and this is a problem i have myself, is to try and make the lines of dialogue feel more relaxed. Sometimes it is a problem with the actors not conveying them properly (i understand how hard it is to find exceptional actors) or sometimes you just need to shorten the line/ change a word.

Overall in terms of an amateur film its good.

I hope this helps when you create your next piece.

[Pyro Tramp]

I wouldn't use Youtube to upload it as, i believe, they now own all the rights.