So, I got engaged

[Yoda]

Just became official. I asked her a little under two hours ago, and she said yes. We've told some family members already and, predictably, word's spreading. :)

I've had the ring for months, and today just struck me as a good time to ask.

Nothing'll change in the immediate future; the actual date'll probably end up being over a year from now, but I thought you guys would want to know. Thanks to the MoFos who listened to me wrestle with the issue and offered up their advice over the last few months. :)

[Caitlyn]

Congratulations! She is a very lucky lady... :)

[tramp]

There was "wrestling" with the "issue?"

Darn it, I missed that part.

:D

Congratulations Chris. May your marriage be blessed....

[MovieMan8877445]

That's so great, Yoda, congratulations.

[uconjack]

Congratulations and Good Luck!

[Brother Blue]

Congrats.

[Sir Toose]

Congrats Yoda! :)

[John McClane]

Oh my God, I've been holding on to this way too long! And now...I can finally share it! I told you I'd remember it, Chris. Muhahaha!!!

AIM Conversation
[16:30] Yoda: So guess what I did a few hours ago
[16:30] John McClane: I'm a bass. I'll bite.
[16:30] Yoda: Ha
[16:30] Yoda: I bought an engagement ring
[16:30] John McClane: Woah.
[16:31] John McClane: I'm not really ready for that commitment just yet...
[16:31] John McClane: ;)
[16:31] Yoda: Hahahahahaha
[16:31] Yoda: I walked right into that
[16:31] John McClane: Yes, yes you did.

Anyways, jokes aside, congrats to ya!

[Mrs. Darcy]

http://th544.photobucket.com/albums/hh341/MAtwinglesmom/smilies/congrats.png

I'll be waiting for the story of how you asked her.... :D

[bleacheddecay]

Congrats and good luck!

[Slug]

Just became official. I asked her a little under two hours ago, and she said yes.

That's wonderful news.
Congratulations!

5

click here please. (http://fozzy42.com/SoundClips/Movies/Alladin/AllRight.wav)

[Powdered Water]

Coolio. Will there be cake and lots of those little party hats?

[rice1245]

Congrats! I'll make you a balloon boquet next time i work. Unless nobody buys wedding balloons...=(

[Golgot]

Congratulations C :)

(rice, can you fly him in for the big event? Maybe in a balloon bouquet shaped like Mel Gibson's head? ;))

[eMilee]

congrats, chris!!! let me be the first to get u a little wedding present....

http://www.prelovac.com/vladimir/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/image003.jpg


all kidding aside, we mofos want pics and details!!! congrats

[Harry Lime]

Congrats Yoda!

[Swan]

You go, guy.

[mark f]

I'm under the impression that there was a big clue about this in the Shoutbox not so long ago, and maybe it was repeated. I may have totally missed it though because my better 2/3 is talking to me about our finding a new house since we're supposed to get out of here in two months. Anyway, ignore that because tonight is Chris's night to howl. Best of wishes to you and your better half.

http://www.nakedauthors.com/uploaded_images/coyote.moon-703337.jpg

[Ðèstîñy]

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a249/nunions/CED_Congratulations.jpg

Cliff Richard ~ Congratulations

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iArJm9gBvg

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a249/nunions/RedRosesCongratulations.jpg

I want you to sing that to her, the next time you see her.

Seriously!

[r3port3r66]

Very lucky woman!

Congratulations Chris.

aside: DO NOT watch any episode of We Channel's Bridezillas ;)

[Sir Toose]

by the by Yoda... I can say now that I totally nailed you in the shoutbox a week or so ago.
:p

*Left that one wide open for innuendo. Closing the door myself. :D

[allthatglitters]

Very lucky woman!

Congratulations Chris.

aside: DO NOT watch any episode of We Channel's Bridezillas ;)

Are you kidding me? That's exactly what he should be doing. That show is beyond fantastic. Totally like reality!

Congratulations!

[Sleezy]

Congrats, man. :D:up:

[rufnek]

Just became official. I asked her a little under two hours ago, and she said yes. We've told some family members already and, predictably, word's spreading. :)

I've had the ring for months, and today just struck me as a good time to ask.

Nothing'll change in the immediate future; the actual date'll probably end up being over a year from now, but I thought you guys would want to know. Thanks to the MoFos who listened to me wrestle with the issue and offered up their advice over the last few months. :)

Well, congratulations, amigo! Wasn't aware you were "wrestling with the issue." As one with multiple experiences with marriage, let me just say that if you're not setting sail with a willing heart, it's best not to make the trip at all. But if you're best friends as well as lovers, you're in for life's richest experience. Main thing to remember is that love and especially marriage is not a 50:50 deal, because there will be days one or both of you won't be meeting your 50% quota, and that leaves a hole in the middle for your love to fall through. You've gotta give it 100% 24-7; gotta be willing to step up and shoulder the whole load at a moment's notice, especially when it doesn't seem fair. That sounds burdensome and it is--love is easy, marriage is hard. You and she will change as the years go by, so you've got to remember what you love about her to start with and then learn to love her all over again with each change.

The most important thing in marriage is developing the ability to communicate. That doesn't mean just talking out your problems--it means learning to listen to hers. You don't always have to solve them, often times you really can't. But she's gotta know she can rely on you to listen and to take her part. The main thing is that you have to have a common goal you're both working toward from the very start--the goal will change in time, but the main thing is that you're working toward something together; that's what keeps you from drifting apart.

Marriage has to be based on honesty to work. It's easy to fool someone who loves you and believes in you, but take it from one who knows--that's a sucker game of the worst sort. Never hurt the people who love you just because you can get away with it. The main thing is to guard against building grudges whether it seems she never cooks your favorite dish any more or her mother is coming to visit again, she's used up the hot water just as you step in the shower, or you're hot to trot and she has a headache. If you both start collecting grudges, then you start building a wall between you, and that wall can get so high so quickly that you no longer see the person you love on the other side. So again, learn to communicate, and learn how to fight fair, even if you have to go to a counselor for lessions. It really does help sometimes to bring in an unbiased referee to help sort things out.

Please don't think I'm trying to discourage you. I'm just saying marriage is serious, and not something to be entered into lightly. It's so easy to get into, and so hard to get out. It takes commitment and gumption to make it work. And a lot of good common sense. I once read something in a Reader's Digest that summed up marriage about as well as anything I've ever heard. It said, "Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up." It's a great opportunity to "do the right thing," and I wish the two of you all the best.

Okay, so now the romantic part--how'd you meet and how did you propose? A good romantic proposal will carry you a long way through a good marriage! :)

[Tacitus]

Congratulations Chris. :)

I wish you decades of happy times. :D

[Devils Angel]

Awww congratulations ^_^

[KasperKristensen]

Ah. They got another one . . .
Nah congratulations mate. :up:

[KasperKristensen]

Okay, so now the romantic part--how'd you meet and how did you propose? A good romantic proposal will carry you a long way through a good marriage! :)

Was it when Bruce popped out of the water? :D

[downthesun]

Congragulations Mate.

[nebbit]

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h63/freecodesource/congratulations/animated/436.gif

http://www.raeleytham.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/071508_082.jpg

http://www.gifs.net/Animation11/Holidays/Wedding/Engagement_ring_4.gif

[honeykid]

Many congratulations Yoda. :)

[TheUsualSuspect]

Many Congrats To You!!!!

[r3port3r66]

Let's see the ring! Or The Ring 2!

[Thursday Next]

Aw, congratulations. Wishing you long years of happiness together :)

[Yoda]

Thanks so much for all the kind words, guys. :) We're both very happy and really looking forward to everything.


Can I be best man?
You can be a pretty good man. As Jerry Seinfeld says "if he's the best man, why would she marry the other guy?"


by the by Yoda... I can say now that I totally nailed you in the shoutbox a week or so ago.
:p

*Left that one wide open for innuendo. Closing the door myself. :D
You really did. Just so everyone else knows: I dropped a hint in The Shoutbox thinking it would be vague enough for deniability, and a couple of MOFOS (not MoFos!) almost spoiled everything, so I had to delete their shouts. ;) All's well now, though.

Serves me right for dating a girl who can read, I suppose.


Okay, so now the romantic part--how'd you meet and how did you propose? A good romantic proposal will carry you a long way through a good marriage! :)
First off, thanks a lot for the advice, and for sharing your experiences with us. I read your post aloud to the lady and she thought it was interesting and helpful, and I agree with a lot of what you've said -- especially the part about someone having to fill the gap when the other isn't in the mood to hold up "their end." As goofy as it sounds, there was a line along these lines in the TV show Scrubs that I always liked, about how, in good relationships, when things are bad one of the two will always stand up and "fight" to keep it going. I think that's really stuck with both of us, and it makes me feel very optimistic. :)

The how-we-met story is in the "significant other" thread, which I'm guessing you've seen since the post above.

The proposal story is basically this: I bought the ring months ago, and it forced me to do a mental run-through about compatability just to be safe. I realize that she's more reticent about having children than I am, so I hold off, as I don't want to pressure her, or take such a huge leap merely hoping that she'll change her mind. And, of course, I can't simply expect her to change.

Eventually I come to the conclusion that, even if she's not sure about all those things, I want to be with her anyway. I decide this maybe a week and a half ago. We're sitting in my room on Saturday, and I start to think that it'd be a good time to ask. As soon as I decide this, my stomach churns. It was like flicking a switch.

Now, at this point we're just sitting on the bed, but the ring's hidden in the closet. I can't get it out while she's in the room. So I ask her if she'll get me a can of soda. Then I realize that that won't give me enough time, so I change my mind and ask her if she'll pour me some orange juice. I didn't want any, but I needed her to do something that would take a minute or so. So she goes (because she's nice like that), I rifle through a few boxes in the closet and grab the ring.

She comes back, I steel my nerves, and just (very) softly say "Will you marry me?" Her face gets very serious and her eyes well up, and I realize I should probably show her the ring. So I say "I, I have a ring..." and I pull it out of my pocket. She told me later that seeing the ring helped because it let her know I wasn't just asking on a whim. Which makes sense, given that there was no big ramp-up or production to it all.

She buried her face in my shoulder and cried a little. I gave her a moment and then, half-laughingly said "I just need one word from you." She smiled and nodded her head, and that was that. We both got hold of ourselves and started calling people, and here we are. It feels as right now as it did then.

Let's see the ring! Or The Ring 2!
Gladly! I went an unsual route...I didn't want to go with a diamond. I bought her a diamond necklace for Christmas a couple of years ago, and I wanted something a little different. My stepmom has a Garnet ring, and those really struck me. My little sister, funnily enough, found a few and brought them to my attention, and I chose one with an Art Deco style to it:

http://ep.yimg.com/ip/I/antiquejewelrymall_2056_27917338

http://ep.yimg.com/ip/I/antiquejewelrymall_2056_176186378

http://ep.yimg.com/ip/I/antiquejewelrymall_2056_176248422

A little unusual, but very Victorian, and it really suits her. She loves it, thankfully (whew), but she's a very practical girl with modest tastes, anyway, which is one of the things I love about her.

[TheDOMINATOR]

I hadn't seen this thread until now; I must have missed it.

Congratulations, Yoda! May things turn out more than well for you and your new life partner. :)

[Johnny Chimpo]

Pictures of the bride to be?

Not to be a creeper, just curious.

[Caitlyn]

You really did. Just so everyone else knows: I dropped a hint in The Shoutbox thinking it would be vague enough for deniability, and a couple of MOFOS (not MoFos!) almost spoiled everything, so I had to delete their shouts. ;) All's well now, though.

As I recall... it was a suspicious MoFoett who started it all... :p :D


Sorry


Oh, and I absolutely love the ring... :up: ... I said earlier she was a lucky lady... and I still think that... but I also think you're pretty lucky too... Congratulations again to both of you... :)

[spudracer]

I hadn't seen this thread until now; I must have missed it.

As did I, but I did see the shouts in the shoutbox and wondered why there was cryptic talk from Yoda as if somone popped in mid-conversation.

Congrats to the both of you!! Hope things work out well.

[honeykid]

I think the ring looks great Yoda. Great choice. :up:

[nebbit]

Love the ring :yup:

[Austruck]

I'm going to be an Austruck-in-law! :)

You guys can sit here and say "She's a lucky lady" all day long, but Yoda and I know deep down that she's too good for him. :D

And as long as he remembers that, they should be fine. ;)

I second rufnek's statement that women don't always want you to solve their problems. Often they simply want you to listen, absorb, offer support, and then let them go solve it on their own anyway. Men tend to hear women talk about things that are bothering them and suddenly want to fix everything.

It's almost never that easy.

One thing, though, rufnek: I've talked to Yoda off and on throughout the years about marriage, etc. He's probably the last person I would accuse of taking the decision lightly. I'm confident he's thought through every possible aspect of such a decision.

And did I mention I'm going to be an Austruck-in-law?? :) :)

[bleacheddecay]

Ring? What ring?

*goes and looks back*

Ooh! Kewl! I like it! I really like it!

[r3port3r66]

I love the ring too! Such good taste Chris....

[Sir Toose]

I hope these two things aren't relative to one another.... don't Jon & Kate live in Pennsylvania?

Just who is her 'mystery man'?


:D


http://www.mattgleason.com/mofogallery/heh.png

[rufnek]

First off, thanks a lot for the advice, and for sharing your experiences with us. I read your post aloud to the lady and she thought it was interesting and helpful, and I agree with a lot of what you've said -- especially the part about someone having to fill the gap when the other isn't in the mood to hold up "their end." As goofy as it sounds, there was a line along these lines in the TV show Scrubs that I always liked, about how, in good relationships, when things are bad one of the two will always stand up and "fight" to keep it going. I think that's really stuck with both of us, and it makes me feel very optimistic. :)
Glad to hear my remarks were helpful. Gawd knows I haven't always been a good husband--made more than my share of mistakes, but I did learn a few things in the process and feel compelled now to try to help folks not make the same mistakes I did. Truth is, I was in my 60s before I figured out I had the wrong idea about love and marriage all along. I got hooked early on on infatuation, that bubbling-over stretch of time where you just can't wait to see each other and you're always thinking of her and wanting to be with her. And I couldn't understand why we couldn't maintain that romantic high all through the relationship. Pretty soon--sooner with with some than others--I'd do something to disappoint her and then it seemed to me like it was never quite the same again, and I'd start looking for someone new to recapture that high of a new love all over again.

But love, real love, means sharing the bad times and the boring times as well as the good. It means sometimes falling on your face, and getting up and getting back in the game and winning her love and falling in love with her all over again. It means building a life together, building a family, foresaking all others, clinging to each other, working together and changing together through sickness, health, the good, the bad, and the puzzling. Love is hard work. Marriage is even tougher because you join not only two people together but two existing families, parents, siblings, friends, and eventually most marriages add children. I always agreed with Bill Cosby's joke about people with just one kid are not really parents because you always know who snatched a piece of the church social cake or broke the vase Aunt Elma gave you or slipped out after hours with the family car. The "real parents" are those with two or more kids blameing or covering for each other. And the kicker is that they're alike in some ways and so different in so many others, and none of them come with a set of instructions, so you have to figure out what does and doesn't work with each one. Parenthood is the real, toughest test of a marriage because chances are you and your wife were raised differently and have different ideas about raising your own kids. And kids are crafty almost from birth--they instantly spot any divisions between the parents and get their baby fingernails in that crack and start prying it apart. They are animal-like in learning what it takes to get what they want from each of you and they will manipulate you shamelessly. As a result, parents who are not on the same page as to how to respond do not stand a chance! :)

My dad gave me the best advice I ever had about raising children. He said, first, whatever you tell a kid you're going to do then by gawd do it. Whether it's "I'm gonna paddle your butt when I get you home" or "I'm gonna buy you a pony for Christmas." Whatever you say, back it up--a kid has to know he can depend on you come rain or shine. Second thing, he said, never discipline a child when you're angry. My dad was a hands-on kinda guy, and so I learned to raise and discipline my kids via corporal punishment. And neither of us was always successful in cooling off before we administered discipline, but we both tried. Now most people will not intentionally do something that would hurt a child, but the problem is that if you're angry you may do more than you mean to, and that's bad--anytime you lose control with a person you love, that's bad, and it will haunt your memories forever. My kids are grown, have kids of their own, and I still wake up some nights thinking, "Damn, why did I do that!" Sometimes it's something my kids tell me they don't even remember. But I remember. And I hurt for it. So don't put yourself through that when you're my age.

The most important thing my dad ever told me, the most important thing I ever learned about raising children, is to make sure each child knows each day you love him or her. Never miss an opportunity to tell your spouse and children that you love them. Never miss a chance to give each of them a hug. And that's especially true for fathers and sons. My dad was the toughest guy I ever knew and in my teens I put him to the test many times. But I always knew he loved me and wouldn't hurt me. I don't remember him hugging me a lot, but he did tell me he loved me. And he'd take me places with him--including some places my mom didn't want me to go. Some of my earliest memories is of sitting on a bar eating pickled eggs and pigs feet while Dad had a beer or two with his buddies (which may explain my life-long love affair with Texas honky-tonks :)).

My first child was my daughter (there were all boys in my family up until that point), so it was easy to always hug and kiss her and tell her I love her. But when my two sons came along, the habit stuck--in fact, it was more than a habit, I made a point to hug them and tell them I love them. Not only that but I started hugging my dad and brothers when we'd meet and when I talk to my dad and brothers and sons and daughter by phone, I always end by saying "I love you." And they say it back. And we really feel that love deeper today than ever before. My mother-in-law once told me she was impressed when she first saw me hug my teenage sons when they would come over and again when they started to leave. It's just natural for me now--I also hug my grandsons and son-in-law, all the people I love.

Whatever else may happen, I know all of those people have no reason to doubt I love them. And that has been a real comfort to me since my son's death. I can still think of things I wish I done or not done, said or not said, but at least I know he knew he was loved.

One other thing about parenting I learned on my own from watching my dad but mainly from watching some of the young parents today. I think too many young dads make the mistake of wanting to be buddies with their sons. I think this is a major mistake when they wrestle with their boys or hit them on the arm and let the boys hit back. It sounds harmless, but I've seen too many cases where it's really confusing to a kid. Comes a day when dad swats him on the butt for something the 6-year-old shouldn't have done and the 6-year-old puches dad in the gut because it's just all one big game to him. The thing is kids meet thousands of other kids they can be buddies with but they have only one mother, one dad who is supposed to be raising them and teaching them right from wrong. Kids need parents not a couple more buddies older than them.


The proposal story is basically this: I bought the ring months ago, and it forced me to do a mental run-through about compatability just to be safe. I realize that she's more reticent about having children than I am, so I hold off, as I don't want to pressure her, or take such a huge leap merely hoping that she'll change her mind. And, of course, I can't simply expect her to change.

Eventually I come to the conclusion that, even if she's not sure about all those things, I want to be with her anyway. I decide this maybe a week and a half ago. We're sitting in my room on Saturday, and I start to think that it'd be a good time to ask. As soon as I decide this, my stomach churns. It was like flicking a switch.

Now, at this point we're just sitting on the bed, but the ring's hidden in the closet. I can't get it out while she's in the room. So I ask her if she'll get me a can of soda. Then I realize that that won't give me enough time, so I change my mind and ask her if she'll pour me some orange juice. I didn't want any, but I needed her to do something that would take a minute or so. So she goes (because she's nice like that), I rifle through a few boxes in the closet and grab the ring.

She comes back, I steel my nerves, and just (very) softly say "Will you marry me?" Her face gets very serious and her eyes well up, and I realize I should probably show her the ring. So I say "I, I have a ring..." and I pull it out of my pocket. She told me later that seeing the ring helped because it let her know I wasn't just asking on a whim. Which makes sense, given that there was no big ramp-up or production to it all.

She buried her face in my shoulder and cried a little. I gave her a moment and then, half-laughingly said "I just need one word from you." She smiled and nodded her head, and that was that. We both got hold of ourselves and started calling people, and here we are. It feels as right now as it did then.

Lots of Awwwwww! factor in that!!! Sweet, romantic, and a very tender moment. And the ring is lovely. (I always made a point of letting my subsequent wives pick their engagement ring after I gave my first wife a ring I picked out on my own on a private's budget and her first remark was, "Kinda small, isn't it?" Can you see why I sometimes still kick myself for going into that marriage??? :laugh:)

My first two marriages, I can't remember specifically popping the question. Seems like we just started talking about it over a period of time. I used to swear that my second wife called up and ask if I was coming down from college to visit the next weekend, and I said yeah, and she said "That's good because we've got an appointment Saturday to talk to the preacher about the wedding." But I've got a great story about my last proposal to my wife Lois that was romantic to the hilt! Remind me to tell you sometime.

[rufnek]

One thing, though, rufnek: I've talked to Yoda off and on throughout the years about marriage, etc. He's probably the last person I would accuse of taking the decision lightly. I'm confident he's thought through every possible aspect of such a decision.
Yeah, anyone who identifies with the character of Yoda doesn't strike me as a flippant, seat-of-the-pants sort. Prior to my last marriage, I started really listening to what was being said in marriage vows and I swore at the time, "I won't flux it up this time." But I did. Even good intentions are not enough sometimes.


And did I mention I'm going to be an Austruck-in-law?? :) :)

Congrats to you, too, although it seems to me there should be some truth-in-advertising provision in this forum when some participants turn out to be related or at least acquainted--especially if they ever gang up on me! :laugh:

[Sir Toose]

Some of my earliest memories is of sitting on a bar eating pickled eggs and pigs feet while Dad had a beer or two with his buddies (which may explain my life-long love affair with Texas honky-tonks :)).

Completely off topic but I wish to second that bolded part!

I even made it down to Gilley's more than a few times in the 80's-90's being as it was located less than 1/2 hour from where I lived in those days.

[Godoggo]

Congrats, Yoda!!!

[TONGO]

Just became official. I asked her a little under two hours ago, and she said yes. We've told some family members already and, predictably, word's spreading. :)

I've had the ring for months, and today just struck me as a good time to ask.

Nothing'll change in the immediate future; the actual date'll probably end up being over a year from now, but I thought you guys would want to know. Thanks to the MoFos who listened to me wrestle with the issue and offered up their advice over the last few months. :)

Congratulations Mr Y! I hope shes your best friend too cause thats whats most important. Just as Mickey Rooney. He'd been married 7 times and the last wife he was with for like 30 years. (Thanks Mark F). On a talk show they asked him "Whats the secret?" and he said "Shes my best friend!". Its true though. Sex is great but that deintensifies over time, love is great but you can be burnt out or burn someone out with it, and basically I could go on but friendship is the foundation that keeps it together.

[mark f]

Yes, good advice there, but for the record, Mickey Rooney was married seven times before his current wife Jan, and they've been married 30 years now. I love Mickey (just watched National Velvet last week), and he'll be 90 next year.

Anyway, Yoda, congratulations to go along with the earlier best wishes. :cool:

[honeykid]

Yes, good advice there, but for the record, Mickey Rooney was married seven times before his current wife Jan, and they've been married 30 years now.... he'll be 90 next year.


That's true, but he's only stayed married because his doctor told him he couldn't eat anymore cake. :p

[mark f]

:laugh: Apparently, he also can't eat any more P-I-I (a la Devo in "Triumph of the Will").

[eMilee]

love the ring!~! its absoutely beautiful!!!

[bleacheddecay]

<snip> But I've got a great story about my last proposal to my wife Lois that was romantic to the hilt! Remind me to tell you sometime.

I'm reminding you and waiting . . .

:)

[Silas]

Congrats

[n3wt]

Congratulations mate :up:

http://www.rosemarycompany.com/media/HappyEngagementBalloon1.jpg

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p115/kahnm22/1030.gif

http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/Athos/Vignettes/Life/Engagement/engagement1.jpg

http://metahavenmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/congratulations-111.jpg

http://imgcache.allposters.com/images/FIP/IO-30-C.jpg

again congrats dude!!

[linespalsy]

Congratulations, Yoda and future Mrs. Yoda!

[jokerboy1991]

This needs to go on your wedding cake.

http://tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:2myqUw1Odk8KPM:http://www.gristmill.biz/images/yoda.jpg

:yup:

[Sir Toose]

http://metahavenmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/congratulations-111.jpg
again congrats dude!!

Holy Smokes!

Better save that suggestion for the wedding night.. wouldn't want to do anything to besmirch the bride-to-be's good reputation!

:D

(looking at the intended innocence of that pic coupled (pun intended) with the wedding context has reduced me into a worthless puddle of giggles)

[honeykid]

Holy Smokes!

Better save that suggestion for the wedding night.. wouldn't want to do anything to besmirch the bride-to-be's good reputation!

:D

If that happened, I don't think it's her reputation that'd be besmirched. ;)



http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/Athos/Vignettes/Life/Engagement/engagement1.jpg

Ahhh... When did Mr & Mrs. Lego People get married? I completely missed it. :( :D

[Sedai]

Congratulations Chris!

I totally meant to be the first in the thread after we had talked. Clearly, I am remiss!

Seriously though - Great news!

[rufnek]

I'm reminding you and waiting . . .

:)

Thank you. This is a story I love to tell! :)

I met Lois as I was coming out of my second divorce, and though I was smitten with her from the start (I blurted out “I love you” on what officially was probably our fourth or fifth date) I had convinced myself I’d never, ever get married again because marriage seemed to be sure death for a hot romance. Now I’d told other women the same thing, but they always seemed to think they could bring me around and then got mad when I dug in my heels. But when I told Lois I would never again marry, she just looked at me, said OK—and then never ever mentioned it again! After some months, I start wondering why she doesn’t want to marry me!

Anyway, Lois is the sweetest, most loving, most interesting person I’ve ever known. Plus she’s so damn funny!!! So after dating a couple of years, I moved in with her (she had a house from a former marriage, while my ex-wife got our house and I was back to living in an apartment.) I at first resisted even living together, although we spent every night together at her place or mine, because I was afraid of commitment. We’d been living together for a year, more than enough time to establish common-law marriage in Texas, and one day I thought to myself, “This is really dumb! Who am I fooling? I’m not going to leave here; I don’t even want to leave here (I told her when I moved in I might want to sometimes take off for a weekend to visit my brother 200 miles south in Corpus Christi just for a break, but had never done so).” I thought, “She knows all of my habits and all of my relatives, and has tolerated the dumb, the bad, and the ugly of both. I know her family—her son and grandkids are like my own. And gawd knows I’ve never known anyone who would put up with me like she had. Hell, we had even painted the whole inside of her three-bedroom house—walls and ceilings—together and I’d bought new carpet for the whole house with money I’d saved from not paying rent! So finally I realized that marrying Lois would be the best—and smartest—thing I could ever do. Best of all, I really wanted to marry her!!!

I’d been thinking hard about this for a few weeks and was trying to figure out a romantic proposal that would sort of make up for dragging my feet for so long. And so a weekend came up when we were scheduled to go to Galveston for Mardi Gras to participate, as we had done for years, as judges in the Do-Daw competition by various corporate staffs who would stage drill or dance routines for one of the big parades during Mardi Gras. So there we are in Galveston and a good friend of mine—a witty, fun lady who I never dated—is also one of the judges. She and I were standing in a food line together and I told her I’d decided to ask Lois to marry me but hadn’t yet figured out a special way to do it. She said, “What you ought to do is go down to one of the Mardi Gras street vendors who are selling all sorts of trinkets and buy the most outrageous-looking ring (shaped like a heart or a Rubic cube or whatever) and give that too her when you propose!”

Well, I think, “That’s a great idea!” But then, I think, “That’s a great idea for Laurel (my friend) but I need to come up with something of my own, something really memorable!” Well, later, we’re on a balcony down in Old Galveston throwing beads to party-goers, judging the parade competition and generally partying, and on the balcony directly across from us are The Neville Brothers performing while the mobs just pack the streets below. So there’s Aaron Neville just a few feet away crooning George Jones’ great hit, “The Grand Tour” and there’s me and Lois across the street sparkling and shining, swirling and twirling through the Western Swing, with everyone else on our balcony standing back watching us dance, because we’re a damn good team on the dance floor! And I’m thinking, “Hey, this could be the moment!” But if you’re familiar with “The Grand Tour,” you know it’s a great song but about a breakup, and I wanted something for a new beginning.

And that’s when it hit me! We had invitations for 2 nights later to join the Baker Hughes Inc. execs in the company’s box at the top of the Houston Astrodome for a night-time performance of the annual Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. And the entertainer that night just happened to be George Strait, the king of the country love song. So the night we get ready for the rodeo and I’m wearing one of my best western shirts with the pearl snaps. My jeans are freshly starched, my best top-of-the-line boots of exotic leather are shined, and my hat is brushed, with the polished silver band Lois had given me. I’m all spit-shined, and we’re off to the rodeo.

To call the executive boxes in the Astrodome a “box” doesn’t really do it justice—it’s actually an individual suite with soft comfy chairs down front behind a glass-enclosed front with wired-in stereo sound and closed TV if you don’t want to watch the action on the area floor several stories below. Each box has its own kitchen with people preparing food and serving drinks. And this isn’t the first time we’ve been here. We made lots of rodeo performances—one year we only missed a couple out of a 3-week run, including Saturday and Sunday matinees. And when the music acts came on (Jones, Haggard, Reba, all the biggest stars), Lois and I always found us an improvised dance floor, either out in the aisles if we were in the regular or reserved-seat areas of the Astrodome, or else up in the executive suites, the large kitchen area. We’d start dancing, and usually 2-3 more couples would get up and join us.

So that night, when George comes on, we’re up and dancing, and I’m waiting for him to do “(I’ll Always Be) The Man in Love with You”. But he goes into “I Cross my Heart,” and I just can’t wait any longer. We’re dancing close, and I’m singing along with George real low in Lois’s ear:

You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there's a breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet
As we look into the future
It's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true
In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

And then I do this step where she goes out in a pirouette, and when she comes back into my arms I pull her tight against me and look into those big blue eyes, and I ask, “Will you marry me?”

She comes to a dead stop and asks, “What did you say?”

And I repeat, “Will you marry me?”

And she gives me this big grin and says, “Hell, yes!”

I start laughing and do a turn to get us dancing again, and when George ends the song a few minutes later, I take her in my arms and kiss her.

Next morning I wake up and she’s propped up on her pillows watching me. I give her a hug and a smile and say good morning. And she asks, “Do you remember what you said last night?”

And I say, “Of course!”

And she says, “Well, I just wanna make sure you weren’t drunk or something.” Now the lady has never seen me really drunk, although I’ve gotten a little high at times. And I sure wouldn’t have forgotten something I’d planned so long and hard. She just doesn’t let me get by with much. :)

Anyway, we picked out a ring and called family and friends, all of whom said, “well, it’s about time.” Then we spent the next 6 months lining up caters and a hall and a preacher. Decided to make it just one damn big party for our family and friends. Thought about getting a band, but they were all into New Country, so we had a portable dance floor installed at the local community hall for our neighborhood, stocked the bar, hired a bartender, and rented a jukebox stuffed with all of our favorite country classics, including everything Jones and Strait ever recorded. Told the young preacher I wanted a short ceremony. He came up with 3 paragraphs and I crossed out the middle one. Everyone agreed it was the shortest ceremony, the biggest party, and the best wedding they ever attended. It certainly was for me.

And the song we picked for our first dance was the one I couldn’t wait for, “(I’ll always be) The Man in Love with You.” (Then next one to come up on the Wurlitzer was “I Cross My Heart.”)

July 29 will be our 14th anniversary, although we’ve actually been together 20 years. If I could do it all over again, I’d marry that girl before that fifth date. :love:

[bleacheddecay]

AWESOME Story! Thanks for sharing it with us Rufnek!

BTW, I was a girl who said I wasn't sure I wanted to get married as well.

After my first disastrous marriage (10 years total together) I was pretty sure I didn't care to get married ever again.

Maybe that's one reason why guys always want to marry me. LOL! If I'm ever single again, I swear I'm going to try to stay that way! However this one is going really wonderfully (19 years together so far) so I hope that won't occur for a loooong time if ever!

[rufnek]

AWESOME Story! Thanks for sharing it with us Rufnek!

BTW, I was a girl who said I wasn't sure I wanted to get married as well.

After my first disastrous marriage (10 years total together) I was pretty sure I didn't care to get married ever again.

Maybe that's one reason why guys always want to marry me. LOL! If I'm ever single again, I swear I'm going to try to stay that way! However this one is going really wonderfully (19 years together so far) so I hope that won't occur for a loooong time if ever!

Oh, I'm quite the advocate for marriage now. Especially my marriage to Lois. My, we've had some adventures together. I'll have to tell you sometime about how we ended up practically part of the Gay Pride parade in Calgary, Canada! :laugh:

[bleacheddecay]

Oh, I'm quite the advocate for marriage now. Especially my marriage to Lois. My, we've had some adventures together. I'll have to tell you sometime about how we ended up practically part of the Gay Pride parade in Calgary, Canada! :laugh:

Well, I'm not that gung ho on marriage personally. Although I have a good one now. I'm glad you have found yourself in one that makes you so happy though!

I'd love to hear your story.

BTW,I would happily march in a Gay Pride parade. I'm not even that fond of parades, it's the message and the mission I'm fond of. If only my gay child wanted to march but as long as she doesn't, I won't. I will support her and the gay community in any way she is comfortable with.

Once is out of the house though I suspect my activism will grow! LOL!

[rufnek]

Well, I'm not that gung ho on marriage personally. Although I have a good one now. I'm glad you have found yourself in one that makes you so happy though!

I'd love to hear your story.

BTW,I would happily march in a Gay Pride parade. I'm not even that fond of parades, it's the message and the mission I'm fond of. If only my gay child wanted to march but as long as she doesn't, I won't. I will support her and the gay community in any way she is comfortable with.

Once is out of the house though I suspect my activism will grow! LOL!

Unlike some of my other tales, this is a pretty simple story. I'd just changed jobs back about 2000 and my new boss wanted me to go up to Calgary in Alberta, Canada, to cover the World Petrolem Congress meeting there for about a week. I'd had several enjoyable trips to Canada over the years, but Lois had never gone so I ponied up for her ticket and share of the expenses and took her with me. Landed at the Calgary airport and rented a car and set out with a car rental map and vague instructions to find our downtown hotel. Like I said, I'd been to Calgary before and knew that the main downtown area was beneath this high spire with a revolving restaurant on top like they have in Seattle and San Antonio and various other cities. The spire towered over everything and could be plainly seen so I started driving in that general direction. As we approached the city, I remembered that the river curves around it in such away that there's a long sweep of multi-lane road or highway along the outside river bank but surprisingly few bridges and mostly on one-way streets crossing over to the city on the other side of the river. Not being familar with the streets and perhaps overly cautious in bucking oncoming traffic, I drove quite a distance before the streets with crossover bridges started lining up in almost straight shots toward downtown Calgary. Finally I'm in the correct left lane and catch the lights just right to turn onto a one-way street and bridge that seemed to point right at the spire. We get across the bridge and go a couple of blocks when suddenly traffic just bogs down. Several of the cars ahead of us turn off right or left on side streets, but so long as we're moving forward, I'm sticking to the straight line toward my presumed destination. As other cars turn off, we continue moving up until we come up behind a slow-moving police car with its emergency lights flashing behind a flat-bed truck-trailer decorated like a parade float. Obviously we're at the tail-end of a parade with its police escort, but the funny thing is the parade is confined to one lane of a 2-lane street with the left lane apparently open to "normal" traffic. So I pull around the police car and float into the left lane, figuring I'll turn off next chance I get. But as I pass a couple of floats, Lois calls my attention to some of the colorful decorations and even more colorful groups of young men and occasionally young women on the floats. It obviously was a Gay Pride parade and the people aboard the floats and lining the elevated sidewalks and balconies of the apartments in this obviously supportive neighborhood are having a hell of a good time playing music, dancing, throwing confetti, shooting water blasters and silly putty. Folks on the floats start waving and throwing kisses at us, we're waving and throwing kisses back, I'm doing my imitation of the Queen Mother's wave to the sidewalk crowds on my side, and our rental car starts to disappear under pounds of glitter confetti and silly string. I turn on the windshield washers so I can see, helped by an occasional friendly blast from a water-blaster on the floats. Told Lois they were probably trying to figure out who were these two old drag-queens, especially since one looked more like a woman than the driver with a mustashe. Probably thought we were just the supportive parents of someone on one of the floats. I've never seen people having more fun or more imaginative floats this side of a Mardi Gras or more picturesque costumes this side of the female-impersonator bars in New Awleans! Lois was filming away with her video camera and we stuck with the parade the whole distance to within a block or so of our hotel. When we pulled up before the hotel's entrance, the car was covered with confetti, and paper streamers and strings of silly-putty, and we both had glitter in our hair. As we were following our luggage into the hotel and one of the valets was about to drive off in our multi-colored car, I heard one young valet ask another, "What are they? Newlyweds?" Being "part" of the Gay Pride parade was one of the highlights of that trip!

Later in the week, there was a rather laid-back parade of oil and gas protestors at the close of the meetings I'd covered. We simply watched from the sidelines that time; one of my favorite entries was a bunch of well-constumed rapitors on bicycles.

After the meeting, Lois and I took a week off to visit Bamf, one of the loviest areas in all Canada Also attended a party at a Canadian ranch and museum where they had a Western band who we surprised by dancing the Texas Two-Step at the first tune they played and virtually every one afterward, whole band came over to thank us and shake hands at their break. Told us they usually had to play a half-hour or so before folks started dancing. Told them they should come on down to Texas where folks appreciate good music. Actually, they weren't quite up to Texas standards. After several two-step tunes, they told us they were going to slow down with a waltz, which Lois and I both love. Problem is, the tune they played wasn't a waltz but a faster paced polka! :)

As for gay relatives, I just heard from my cousin Beverly that she and Susan are going up from Dallas to Connecticut to get married! They've been together longer than any of my marriages, although Lois and I are going for a record for the two of us. :)

[bleacheddecay]

Great story! I love your stories! Thanks for sharing!

[The Prestige]

Congratulations, bro!

[Ish1987]

First of all, congrats!

Seconds of all, the born pessimist that I am. I can understand engagements, but marriage, I've never understood the meaning of. Why would anybody want to be bound to another person on paper? Especially when more than half of all marries end up with a divorce. My life long neighbors were never married. They had two children, and they seem happy without it. Is this some kind of tradition the relatives expect of a couple these days? I've never liked the idea, and given my relatives track record, it doesn't seem like a very good bet lol.. None of my relatives marriages has lasted but one. And they've only been married for like three years...[/rant]

[Yoda]

Well, it can't be both: it can't be simultaneously a meaningless piece of paper, and some terrible thing when it doesn't work out. And the reasons for getting married aren't really affected by how successful other marriages are. Why would they be?

Anyway, it obviously has religious significance, and I think it means something to put it down in writing. Putting anything down in writing has a significance that wouldn't exist otherwise. It's like the difference between thinking something and saying it.

Why would someone want to be bound to another person on paper? To show them (and the world) that they're willing to do so. Making a formal declaration of commitment has all sorts of meaning, and by making it so public (it's usually a bit of a spectacle), there's often a sense of accountability, not just to your spouse, but to each other's family, friends, and the community around them. That people feel this accountability less than they once did is more on them than the institution itself, I think.

[rufnek]

First of all, congrats!

Seconds of all, the born pessimist that I am. I can understand engagements, but marriage, I've never understood the meaning of. Why would anybody want to be bound to another person on paper? Especially when more than half of all marries end up with a divorce. My life long neighbors were never married. They had two children, and they seem happy without it. Is this some kind of tradition the relatives expect of a couple these days? I've never liked the idea, and given my relatives track record, it doesn't seem like a very good bet lol.. None of my relatives marriages has lasted but one. And they've only been married for like three years...[/rant]

Kid, I can beat you on cynicism and give you back change. I have a long history of lack of commitment and two divorces. Said the last time I'd never marry again. And then I found out it wasn't marriage that was wrong, it was me! Finally realized I had totally unrealistic expectations of love and marriage, which was why it had never worked although my second marriage was for something like 23-25 years (23 before I left; 25 before I got a divorce; whichever way you want to count it).

When I got married for the third time, I was in my early 50s, my wife was in her 40s. We'd both had surgeries so there was no plan to raise a family. All of our kids were grown. And we'd lived together more than a year when I, the cynic, the one who never wanted to get married again, asked her to be my wife. We spent months planning our wedding, doing it our way--short ceremony, big party for family and friends simply because what we have together is too damn good not to share. We wanted all of the people who mattered the most to us to celebrate our good fortune of finding each other.

It wasn't a magic event. Things haven't always gone smoothly for us. She's my third wife. I'm her fourth husband. All the odds in the world would seem to be stacked against us. I'm 66, she's 60. Yet at the end of work each day, I can't wait to get home and see her. When she goes out of town, I can't sleep well without her next to me. The best thing in my life is just to see her smile. She's my best friend, she makes me laugh, and when my oldest son died three years ago I don't think I could have survived if not for her. She's simply the love of my life. And if you're ever lucky enough to find someone half as great as her and you have the maturity to appreciate what you've found, then you won't give a damn about the odds or the reasons for legalizing your union. You'll want to marry just to celebrate your love. Believe me, you have a real treat in store when you find someone who makes you feel like that.

[Austruck]

Very nicely put, rufnek.

There are a ton of reasons to make it legal that are hard to quantify. There is something affirming about stating vows in (semi)-public to each other, with witnesses (in our case, our six kids and two best friends). It's bigger than either of you individually, and it means something to me that my husband was willing to make that sort of lifelong commitment to me. It's not magic and it doesn't solve problems. But I don't think there's anything at all wrong with making it legal enough that it's a little tougher to just walk away at the first sign of trouble. (And there will be trouble.)

I think the fact that this was a second marriage for both of us made it that much sweeter, not more skeptical. We knew *precisely* what we were getting into, and what the words "commitment" and "loyalty" meant to us because we had not had it before. We'd both been through the wringer and were very pleased to find another person happy to share our time and lives with.

It'll be ten years in August ... and I still look forward to him coming home from work each day. To be honest, I'm still not really used to that contented feeling -- it's a bit foreign to me, but marvelous. Peace and contentment in the home and a kind of mutual admiration for each other's different qualities add to the legal commitment to really make a solid foundation for the future. I know he's in this for the long haul. He knows I am too.

I doubt we'd be so sure of that in each other if we hadn't actually married.

Plus, in my case, there is the whole "instituted by God" thing -- the biblical expression of romantic love. I do not ever like jokes about nagging wives and bad marriages, etc. I dislike much of anything that demeans marriage as an institution. I'll joke about just about anything, but not the actual state of being married. I value it too highly.

[Ish1987]

Well I'm not disagreeing with anything.

While I've had my beliefs of marriage all my life I'm a tad cynical about marriage overall for many reasons. The foremost reason being that I believe marriage is an act of faith. Why else would you need a priest too conduct a ceremony? Why can't two people just sign the dotted line?

I'm not sure how it works in the states or where ever. BUT.. In Sweden most are born christian, but do not exercise their faith. I wouldn't even call myself an atheist, because that would be putting a word on something I don't give a hoot about.

I'm not saying I will never get married, but it's nothing that I feel must be done, even after living with someone for 30 or 40 years. I've been through my parents divorce.

And from my perspective it just hurt the family bond more than anything. Not because of the parting of my parents, but because they think Their bond with their children (me and my brother) will fade. I was 20 at the time, This was last spring. I had no job, so I had to move in with my dad, as my mom could not afford to rent a big enough flat too house and feed me.

And so she started acting all odd, like I wasn't a part of her life anymore, just because I didn't live under the same roof. I've tried explaining that a soon to be 22 year old should not even be living with either of his parents. But of course that's not even on her radar. She lost her "baby"..

For some time I think she felt that she'd "lost" me, along with her ex-husband. Luckily she's found a new man, which has been great to her. Been to his house, and he has 2-3 kids of various ages himself. I'm thinking maybe this has helped her "recuperate" from the "loss" of her own children.

I guess some people would call me cold hearted, but if anything I was merely annoyed by the divorce. I didn't feel it had anything to do with me, for the same reason I shouldn't even be living with my parents at this age.

But having your mom call you piss drunk on a Tuesday saying she's contemplating on taking her life is no fun.

I think the point of this story is that I have nothing against marriage, just the end that usually follows. My brother who's two years older than me has one child, and another on the way, and they're already stated that they will separate (they are not married though). So yeah.. As I said earlier, the track record for marriages within my family tree isn't exactly encouraging me to marry :rolleyes:

Oh well /rant

[Austruck]

Not to belabor the point, but:

-- This is a thread about Yoda getting engaged. It seems a tad disrespectful to put long negative posts about marriage here. I think this would be better placed in a separate thread than in a thread that *should* be congratulating Yoda on what he (and some others) see as very happy news.

-- I'm totally unclear on how not having married would be preferable in the ways you mention. Are you suggesting that couples such as your parents split up BECAUSE they were legally married and that they might NOT have if they had simply been living together? Because frankly, the statistics wouldn't bear that out, even if it made sense. Your folks split up for other reasons, not because they had signed a piece of paper. And statistically, folks who haven't ever married are more likely to split up than those who married.

So, I'm a bit unclear on your basic point. Marriage itself did not cause the heartbreak you suffered. Sounds as if it would have happened whether or not they had been married first.

But I digress....

HAPPY ENGAGEMENT, YODA AND LADY C! I, for one, am tickled pink! :D :D

[Yoda]

I'm sorry to hear about your parent's divorce; my parents were divorced, too, so I can certainly relate. It happens. But notice that all the things you discuss above are independent of marriage. People can still break up and do bad things when they're not married, and I certainly don't see any reason to believe that the marriage itself is what causes the things you're talking about. They exist independent of it, as we can see every day.

But, again, it can't be both: marriage can't be both meaningless, and somehow make the breakups worse. If it makes separations worse, then there must be something to the initial bond, after all.

Anyway, not that I mind such discussion, but really, I just got engaged. If you want, I can start a thread about a funeral so you can tell us that you don't believe in the afterlife, too. ;)

[Austruck]

If you want, I can start a thread about a funeral so you can tell us that you don't believe in the afterlife, too. ;)

:rotfl:

[r3port3r66]

I'm sorry, you may have said it already....did you set a date yet?

[Yoda]

Not officially. We're looking at late August of next year (so, a little over a year from now). We have a specific date in mind (August 28th), but we need to casually run it by a lot of people over the next few months before locking it in.

[Ish1987]

I'm sorry to hear about your parent's divorce; my parents were divorced, too, so I can certainly relate. It happens. But notice that all the things you discuss above are independent of marriage. People can still break up and do bad things when they're not married, and I certainly don't see any reason to believe that the marriage itself is what causes the things you're talking about. They exist independent of it, as we can see every day.

But, again, it can't be both: marriage can't be both meaningless, and somehow make the breakups worse. If it makes separations worse, then there must be something to the initial bond, after all.

Anyway, not that I mind such discussion, but really, I just got engaged. If you want, I can start a thread about a funeral so you can tell us that you don't believe in the afterlife, too. ;)

Well I don't mind them splitting up, I was merely making the point that having a divorce is borderline melodramatic compared to just leaving one another for whatever reasons. I've seen plenty of examples of this in my day.

Actually I don't believe in an afterlife ;) But I guess you could figure that out hehe. I accept the fact that one day I will die, be incinerated and buried. It's a part of "life".

Don't get me wrong Yoda, I'm not looking down on you man, not at all. Sorry for making my posts self centered. All I'm saying is that I don't believe in marriage. That doesn't mean it can't make others happy =)

Really, this discussion could go on for ever, we have our separate beliefs. And that's OK of course. I was merely voicing my opinion.

Bottom line is. If it makes you happy, be it marrying or having a strong religious belief, hell even buying an expensive car that guzzles fuel, so be it.
Who am I to tell other what to do and not to do :)

[rufnek]

And from my perspective it just hurt the family bond more than anything. Not because of the parting of my parents, but because they think Their bond with their children (me and my brother) will fade. I was 20 at the time, This was last spring. I had no job, so I had to move in with my dad, as my mom could not afford to rent a big enough flat too house and feed me.

And so she started acting all odd, like I wasn't a part of her life anymore, just because I didn't live under the same roof. I've tried explaining that a soon to be 22 year old should not even be living with either of his parents. But of course that's not even on her radar. She lost her "baby"..

For some time I think she felt that she'd "lost" me, along with her ex-husband. Luckily she's found a new man, which has been great to her. Been to his house, and he has 2-3 kids of various ages himself. I'm thinking maybe this has helped her "recuperate" from the "loss" of her own children.

First let me say I'm sorry for your troubles from your parents' divorce. It's usually disruptive for children of any age. But let me also assure you, connections between sons and daughters and parents loosen a lot past your 20s when you go off to school or work in another town or into the military. And especially when you get married and start a family of your own that eats up much of your time. My mom's dead and I don't call my dad as regular as I should although I love him dearly. Don't call my daughter regularly either; they both live in different parts of Texas 300-500 miles from me. And I don't see my grandkids as often as I like. But we still get together once in awhile, exchange emails and cards and phone calls. That's a big difference from when I was a kid in East Texas and my maternal grandparents were just a vacant lot, one house, and one street crossing to the left of my home; My mom's oldest sister and her family lived on the street behind them with their two large backyards abutting each other. And if I turned right out of my front door I was only 4-5 houses from my paternal grandparents. Except for a year or two when my daughter 3 or so, my kids have never lived in the same town as their grandparents.

But having your mom call you piss drunk on a Tuesday saying she's contemplating on taking her life is no fun.

Well, my mom didn't drink. She just took prescription drugs. By the handfuls. She carried around more drugs than Elvis, and talk about your mood swings. Never threatened to kill herself, but she once went out looking for my dad and his second wife with a loaded gun. I was in my 30s when my parents divorced, and what really pissed me off was that they didn't do it 15 years earler. Used to wake up in the wee hours of the morning with dear ol' Mom yelling and cussing (woman really had a mouth on her). There were lots of nights I got up, dressed went out my window, got in my car and drove up to the high school parking lot to get some sleep before class started.

I think the point of this story is that I have nothing against marriage, just the end that usually follows. My brother who's two years older than me has one child, and another on the way, and they're already stated that they will separate (they are not married though). So yeah.. As I said earlier, the track record for marriages within my family tree isn't exactly encouraging me to marry :rolleyes:

I was the first in my family ever to get a divorce. Felt really bad about it, like a real loser if I couldn't make one lousy marriage work. But my divorce was like the little Dutch boy taking his finger out of the dam. I was divorced twice and once almost left my third wife before I came to my senses. My brother has been married 6-7 times. Got a cousin who has gone through 2-3 marriages, another cousin divorced once. My mom divorced dad, married a guy who died, married again and he outlived her. My dad has been married twice, just the one divorce. The people with the longest lasting marriages in our family is my baby brother, still married to the same wife who most of the family can't stand; my daughter who had a son out of wedlock (but didn't live with the father) before she got married to a really nice guy, and my gay cousin, who after 20-something years together is going with her significant other up to Connecticut to get married (Way to go, Bev!)

Thing is, you can imagine all the bad things that can happen in any event. Have children and they may die (as my son did a few years ago). Go to the beach and you may drown. Go for a ride and you may be crippled or killed in an auto accident. Sit on your butt and never go anywhere and life passes you by. Or you can just as easily imagine the good things that come from committing to someone you love. Believe me, it's not the same as living together, because it's so easy to leave. You start working on a divorce and it gives you time to think and time to realize how intertwined and dependent a married couple may be. As I have discovered at times to my regret, marriage is a lot harder to get out of than it is to get into. But the last time I tried, I came to my senses in a week and moved back home.

Best thing is keep an open mind and learn from other people's mistakes. You're not your dad, you're not your mom, you're not your brother. So why should you fail just because they couldn't make it?

[rufnek]

Not to belabor the point, but:

-- This is a thread about Yoda getting engaged. It seems a tad disrespectful to put long negative posts about marriage here. I think this would be better placed in a separate thread than in a thread that *should* be congratulating Yoda on what he (and some others) see as very happy news.

Aw, I don't think our Swedish friend is being disrespectful. He's just voicing his fears of marriage. Yoda hasn't even appeared offended, much less PO'd. Even if some stranger actually got out of line, that's no reflection on Yoda's engagement and no threat to his marriage. As for me, just talking about my checkered past makes me appreciate my wife more. Think I'll go home and kiss her.

[Ish1987]

Why of course not, that would be dumb. I just hijacked the thread a bit :)