Want some advice/therapy from the outside world

[m0dern_pr0phet]

Hey guys,

I have just recently been on a bender with this girl who is 5 years older than me. We started off as work colleagues, I went part-time but we still kept in touch every day and we started seeing each other. I started seeing her less often and I realised that gradually she lost interest and started being a real cow towards me...

Then I get called in to work for a week and she starts getting friendly again. We talk at the pub after work on Friday night and she says she doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't want a relationship but she still wants to see me at the same time. So then I said, well whatever I don't mind.. we'll see where this goes and so we were back on again (keep in mind we had a falling out for about 3 weeks to a month).

Then everything becomes really good. She starts getting all clingy and said things like I'm addicted to chatting to you (which didn't really bother me). I would get a text message before she went to bed everyday... then one day these just stopped coming so I text her saying is everything ok? She says yes fine don't be paranoid...

But then she stops talking to me all together. I met her on Friday night and she was totally avoiding me. Now it's like she doesn't want to talk to me anymore....

so long story short... she has blown me off twice for no reason that I can see. It was really unpredictable?

Any advice from the women's perspective? Can you support me and say she is clearly nuts?

Thanks.

[mikeython1]

This would have been great topic for the MoFo Support Group found here http://www.movieforums.com/community/showthread.php?t=17648. I know you wanted some advice from a female but here is mine, it sounds like when she shows you a little affection you return with lots of affection which probably is scaring her. Obviously she likes you but is probably scared of commitment. I could be wrong and this girl is bi-polar. You should follow this golden rule which I have broken many times and suffered the consequences, Don't Sh#t where you eat! :)

[Sexy Celebrity]

Yeah, there's a heavy discussion about bipolar people in The MoFo Support Group. Go there.

[Godoggo]

Any advice from the women's perspective? Can you support me and say she is clearly nuts?

Thanks.

I don't know if she's nuts, but what are you getting out of this? Analyzing her behavior isn't going to change it, and in fact you can't change hers; only yours. It doesn't seem to be the way you want to be treated, so don't allow yourself to be. Find someone else who plays nice. :D

[shapeshifter]

I thinks she using you when she's got nothing else going on, i'm sorry to be straight forward but thats from my female perspective , I think you deserve better, hope all goes well:)

[Sleezy]

She doesn't want a relationship but she still wants to see me at the same time.

This entire account you've outlined is, pound for pound, almost identical to what my best friend recently went through. The above quote really says it all. Regardless of whether she's horribly insecure, bipolar, or just plain shallow, nobody should be allowed to request a "relationship" with no strings. Because at any point, if she gets bored or nervous, she can bail. And although you've probably established some true feelings for her, you don't have an argument.

There's no point in dating if you're not going to put yourself out there. That's part of trusting someone else, and showing them that they can trust you. People can try all they want to get into a situation where there's no strings, but in reality, your heart makes the strings. You have no control.

If she expects you to come the whole way so she doesn't have to invest anything, then sadly, she's not worth your time and effort. You're only going to get hurt, and she'll come away no worse for wear. And she'll keep doing it, too. Trust me.

I would tell you just to forget about her and move on while you can, but I'd still demand an explanation. You deserve one, and she ought to be made to explain herself. You just don't treat people like that.

I thinks she using you when she's got nothing else going on, i'm sorry to be straight forward but thats from my female perspective , I think you deserve better

Yes. To her you listen. :yup:

[m0dern_pr0phet]

Yeah I've tried to get an explanation out of her but she gets really nervous and really uncomfortable. I don't want her to be uncomfortable with me so I just drop it and act like she doesn't phase me.

I will definitely be taking your advice on board and Sleezy; you make a lot of sense. I guess it's time to just find someone a bit more ... 'stable' for lack of a better word.

Cheers.

[Sleezy]

Good luck, man. :):up: