View Full Version : ok i reely need help here...
Randal Graves
09-08-06, 08:51 PM
ok there is this gurl in my french class and im really into her...shes really beautiful and attractive and i want to ask her out but im like 90% sure she'll turn me down...and the fact that my last relation ended horribly...its was like a car bomb or sumthin...anyways any ideas as to wat i shud do..or any words to help build my confidence?
ok there is this gurl in my french class and im really into her...shes really beautiful and attractive and i want to ask her out but im like 90% sure she'll turn me down...and the fact that my last relation ended horribly...its was like a car bomb or sumthin...anyways any ideas as to wat i shud do..or any words to help build my confidence?
As the great god of Nuclear Warheads once said: "Just Do It!"
A man who does not risk making a fool of himself, is already a fool.
As the great god of Nuclear Warheads once said: "Just Do It!"
http://bestsmileys.com/signs12/17.gif
You don't have anything to loose :nope: If she says :yup: great, If she says :nope: it only means she is not attracted to you, not that you are ugly or something :kiss:
Randal Graves
09-08-06, 10:51 PM
ok i guess i shud ask her out...but how shud i do it??? just walk up to her and say sumthin or wat?
First, say somethign nice about her. Then talk to her a little, then ask.
Randal Graves
09-08-06, 11:12 PM
ok ill try that on monday...if i have enuf guts lol...ill try...
Good Luck Randal http://bestsmileys.com/thumbs/3.gif
Randal Graves
09-08-06, 11:20 PM
thanks
I wish you the best luck.
Also, my two cents: be confident, even if you are not; it seems to help. Do not blame me if it does not though.....;) good luck.
Randal Graves
09-09-06, 12:22 AM
any ideas wat i shud say to her?...im not good with women lol
Comment her. Flirt alittle with her, and be kind. Good luck.
Be "fickle" and comment on what you think the best part of her is...do not hold back.
Randal Graves
09-09-06, 01:14 AM
so i shud just walk up to her and start talkin?
so i shud just walk up to her and start talkin?
Yep
Xui Wan
09-09-06, 01:24 AM
Be "fickle" and comment on what you think the best part of her is...do not hold back.
um... k nice rack!!!! NO DON'T!!!:rotfl:lol :p be different as much as woman like compliments we are attracted to confidence as well... just like men we do care about more than looks!!! or some of us anyways... if her nails are done compliment those we like when guys notice the little details. or I do anyways, lets me know he's paying attention to more than my... "BRAIN" yeah brain.... NEWAYZ good luck and if she isn't into you meh! her loss cause any guy willing to ask strangers how to treat me!! is definately a keeper!!! or at least worth another look!!! GOOD LUCK!
um... k nice rack!!!! NO DON'T!!!:rotfl:lol :p be different as much as woman like compliments we are attracted to confidence as well... just like men we do care about more than looks!!! or some of us anyways... if her nails are done compliment those we like when guys notice the little details. or I do anyways, lets me know he's paying attention to more than my... "BRAIN" yeah brain.... NEWAYZ good luck and if she isn't into you meh! her loss cause any guy willing to ask strangers how to treat me!! is definately a keeper!!! or at least worth another look!!! GOOD LUCK!
Well I certainly was not tyring to be sexual, I meant eyes, smile, sense of humor, etc...:D
ash_is_the_gal
09-09-06, 01:57 AM
Well I certainly was not tyring to be sexual, I meant eyes, smile, sense of humor, etc...:D
you are a golden gem dahling! never change!
also, if you can manage it you should try to be funny. don't know about the girl in question, but i am soft on a guy that can make me laugh.
however don't make fun of her--that will undoubtedly backfire!
Hmm well I guess you are American I'm not sure how american girs are but here is a tip-less talking more listening it always does the trick and try to agree with everithing she says if you happen to go out on a date that is.If don't like what I said go watch Hitch;)
Randal Graves
09-09-06, 09:43 AM
ok if i talk to her ill keep all that stuff in mind...thanks!
Xui Wan
09-09-06, 11:19 AM
Well I certainly was not tyring to be sexual, I meant eyes, smile, sense of humor, etc...:D
Yes, I'm sorry I never meant to say you had meant that. However being a student and learning others learning techniques I am comming aware of how careful one must be when advising. :P you are a gem though!!! mwah!:p
Randal Graves
09-09-06, 04:04 PM
ok um im not sure if i shud go thru with this anymore...it seems karma is against me...a whole bunch of ****ed up **** is happenin rite now and it seems everythin that can go wrong is goin wrong...im really unsure and **** rite now
SamsoniteDelilah
09-09-06, 04:26 PM
Hmm well I guess you are American I'm not sure how american girs are but here is a tip-less talking more listening it always does the trick and try to agree with everithing she says if you happen to go out on a date that is.If don't like what I said go watch Hitch;)
aaaaahahaha! ew! Do not agree with her just to agree, no matter what you think. That's so ick. lol Be yourself, and you up the changes by a lot that she'll like you.
I see that you've decided to put it off til things have steadied in your life. Wise choice. Good luck.
VeronicaJ
09-09-06, 05:01 PM
ok um im not sure if i shud go thru with this anymore...it seems karma is against me...a whole bunch of ****ed up **** is happenin rite now and it seems everythin that can go wrong is goin wrong...im really unsure and **** rite now
ahh poor guy, go for it! There's nothing worse than loving somebody without tellin it, believe me. I was in love with a guy for 2 years and never got a real chance to tell it.
Back on you, go for it, she'll take you for who you are and if not shes not worth it. Follow the arrow of your heart, its poitin to her. good lcik
Randal Graves
09-09-06, 05:20 PM
im still sorta lost...shud i ask her out rite away or wait?
spudracer
09-09-06, 06:03 PM
I know I'm comin to the conversation a little late, but here's what I think..
No, don't ask her out right away. If you have never ever talked to her on a personal level before, then you'll need to build the friendship. You don't need to spend a whole lot of time on it, but then again you don't want to walk up to her and say, "You wanna go out!?"
I don't know the best way to explain this. Basically, you don't want to scare her off. There's a good chance of that happening if the first words out of your mouth are asking her out. Like I said above, get to know her a little bit, when you talk to her, talk to her like she's one of your friends and just joke around like you normally would with your friends.
Most importantly, be yourself. If you make yourself out to be someone your not, there's a good chance you'll either get found out, or she'll fall for this fake person and you'll have to come clean down the line.
Hope this helps, and good luck!
Randal Graves
09-09-06, 06:16 PM
so i shud just introduce my self and try to become friends first? how shud i do it... im not good at making friends and stuff...just start talkin with her?
spudracer
09-09-06, 07:33 PM
Hell I don't know. I'm not a date doctor. I've been in the position before, and all I can tell you is to be yourself, and hope for the best. The worst she can say is no.
You're still young though, if you don't get this girl, don't worry about it. There's plenty of women out there and you'll have plenty more chances than this one time.
Xui Wan
09-10-06, 01:41 PM
WoW! SPud very great advice!!! thankyou!
I think above any quality a person holds, honesty and truthfulness are really the most desireable. Maybe mention that you were nervous to talk to her and that you would like to get to know her I think this would be rather flattering. As well like spud said Be yourself don't be someone else for the sake of being agreeable, this only hurts yourself in the long run!
Don't say you like a certain kind of music cause she does, otherwise if you truely hate it thats what you'll end up getting as a gift!! Murphys Law!:p
As for the making friends part, just put yourself out there. I like to think that we have not lost all sense of humanity when it comes to the raising of our children. I know if you were going to my sons school he would talk to you cause he understands what it is like to be the new kid. Talk to people who are in simulair courses. If you like anything that someone has compliment them on it. As people we are always striving to be liked. :modest:
One last thing... "Treat others as you would have them treat you not because they diserve it but because you do!!!" :yup: :dizzy:
spudracer
09-10-06, 01:48 PM
To build on what Xui said, becoming friends with someone you're wanting to date, don't just have one friendly conversation them go for the gold. Take your time, you'll learn a lot about her, and her you. Don't be in a hurry either, because if you rush it, it's going to be obvious to her and it will blow up in your face.
Open yourself up, but don't open yourself up to the point that you are vulnerable, and if this blows up in your face, your vulnerabilities could be exploited. Again, you're still young, if you really believe that you can win her over, go for it, you have to be confident though. Yes, you can admit that your shy and nervous, but you shouldn't stay like that forever. Once you get past the first stage, it should be easy as pie.
VeronicaJ
09-10-06, 01:51 PM
so i shud just introduce my self and try to become friends first? how shud i do it... im not good at making friends and stuff...just start talkin with her?
starting to talk to somebody out of nowhere is very hard i know (been trying to hit on an exchange student but he's very silent)
being subtile (spellin correct) is always very handy. Maybe when shes talkin to a mutual friend and just kick in? Helped me out several times.
Be kind, honest and most of all true to yourself.
ill think about other advice later, im great in advice on this subject (in dutch that is)
You gotta ask yourself one question: 'am I really the kind of guy who can just go up to a girl and ask her out?' Given that you're asking for advice on the internet, I think we can be pretty sure that the answer is 'no'. I've never been able to just go up to girls and ask them out straight off, a lot of people aren't, and I wouldn't want to be, all my (2) relationships have been born from lengthy friendships.
spudracer
09-10-06, 03:43 PM
Nothing wrong with asking for advice on the internet. Alvin does have a good point though, most relationships stem from somewhat lengthy friendships.
SamsoniteDelilah
09-10-06, 03:46 PM
If use of the internet precludes social skills, the human race is done for in 2 generations.
spudracer
09-10-06, 03:51 PM
Maybe sooner. Just as long as we don't go to sending text messages to those standing right next to us...we might be fine for a little while.
shirble
09-10-06, 04:25 PM
ok there is this gurl in my french class and im really into her...shes really beautiful and attractive
pics plz ;D
My dating experience is very slim and I really don't know the first thing about asking people out, but whatever you do, do not just walk up to her and ask her out. that will just decrease your chances with her immensely. You want her to feel at least somewhat even remotely comfortable with you to begin with, and I can't imagine a near-stranger asking you out is anything but awkward.
The best thing you can do is find some sort of similar interest you have with her and then start a conversation off from there.
I'm routing for you!
Godsend
09-10-06, 05:29 PM
Here's the bottom line. The truth. It hurts.
If you think she's going to turn you down, you're probably right.
The end.
VeronicaJ
09-10-06, 05:33 PM
thats very negative. I had that with a guy once, and 6 months later, and 300 mlies between us, i discoverd i was wrong. Still hurts.
Go for it, get to know her. Maybe it turns out to be just a good friend, at least you've tried. We've got a saying in the NL: If you don't shoot, you'll always miss.
Or, as Smashmouth says: you never know if you dont go(you never shine if you dont glow)
spudracer
09-10-06, 05:50 PM
Or, as Smashmouth says: you never know if you dont go(you never shine if you dont glow)
LOL. Great advice!
Here's the bottom line. The truth. It hurts.
If you think she's going to turn you down, you're probably right.
The end.
Godsend, yeah it's a possibility, but try not to be so condesending.
so i shud just introduce my self and try to become friends first? how shud i do it... im not good at making friends and stuff...just start talkin with her?
Here is the thing if you try to become friends with her you'll stay friends forever and that's not what we are fighting for,Right?Go ask her now because "Heasitation leads to Masturbation"
spudracer
09-10-06, 06:20 PM
Yes and no B-card. I don't know why I've become so attached to helpin this kid out, but I don't think that he should rush it. Somethin that you could try Randal, is asking her one simple question, "Do you want to go out and get something to eat?", or "Do you want to go watch a movie?"
Make your move then, don't ask her out right away though. Let her warm up to you a little bit. If she's not feeling you, you'll be able to tell.
Randal Graves
09-10-06, 06:49 PM
ok thanks...ill do that ^^^
ill try it 2moro i guess
ok thanks...ill do that ^^^
ill try it 2moro i guess
Hey man, quick question. What sort of contact have you had with her so far? Have you even talked to her, because in my experience breaking the ice is the hardest part. Look for commonalities starting with class, ask her how she likes the teacher etc...
If you get the impression that she’s blowing you off then politely excuse yourself and go talk to someone else. If she smiles coyly and looks at you with the "half a head of hair in her eyes" look, be polite and do the same thing.
I know I am going to catch hell for saying this but here goes... both women and men want the unattainable, especially at your age. Whatever you do DON'T be super-available especially at the early stages of getting to know her. The old saying about absence is oh so true, I guarantee that if you get too close too fast you will 1.) Freak her out and scare her off, or 2.) Become a "best friend."
Although option 2 IS NOT a bad thing at all (I have and always had many female friends, most of which were born of attempts to date them) having good friends of any gender is always good, but that is not your goal here.
Most of all take it slow and be “just nice enough” as not to be creepy.
Good luck man!
Randal Graves
09-10-06, 08:31 PM
ive had some contact with her...we've talked a couple of times during french class like during work or sumthin...but thats about it
spudracer
09-10-06, 08:52 PM
Nicely said Othelo
Randal Graves
09-11-06, 06:17 PM
i tried to do it 2day...but failed...i got my self metally ready to go through with it then all day i cudnt find her...i only saw her in class but i didnt wanna talk to her infront of so many ppl :(
2moro i have a better chance becuz her last class is near mine so we generally go the same way and last time i saw her go that way she was alone so ill talk to her then...
VeronicaJ
09-12-06, 07:34 AM
i wish you the best of luck, before the great encounter, take a deep breath, listen to some soothing music and stay down to earth. You'll be able t do it.
Randal Graves
09-12-06, 04:56 PM
i was ready to ask her out...but everytime 2day i saw her she was with too many people...im gonna wait until i find her alone
VeronicaJ
09-12-06, 05:11 PM
that is a good idea, when shes with her friend she might feel embarresed (or some stupid people will even feel pressure to turn you down) get her for you alone, got for it!
Randal Graves
09-12-06, 07:30 PM
ok im really confused now...i just found out that there is this gurl in my trans tech class who has a crush on me...her friend told me but i dont know who she is lol...i dont know wat to do lol
shirble
09-13-06, 02:45 AM
ok im really confused now...i just found out that there is this gurl in my trans tech class who has a crush on me...her friend told me but i dont know who she is lol...i dont know wat to do lol
pics plz!
All I have to say is: Let loose dude, you are so unsure of what to do that when you do do something you will stumble and seem weak. Be strong and go for it , if you fail, so what? Get a grip and hold on to it.
Another quick thing, DON'T under any circumstances ask her out on a one on one date! Make it a group thing, or go out with another couple, this way there will be adequate enough space to get to know each other without seeming forced to. Grab a friend or two and head to the park, especially near the center of town where there are lots of people. shops etc. or the mall, somewhere where she feels likes she isn't forced into awkward conversation.
The mall, you might ask? Yeah, I always thought that was a good place to sort of feel someone out. There are lots of potential conversation starters, usually at least one bookstore (great for finding out what she’s in to, just head to the magazine rack and see what she picks up) a food court, card shop etc... Be nice, let her go first when entering the stores pull out her chair for her etc... Believe it or not people in general, not just women, appreciate a little courtesy and kindness.
By the end of the date you should have a better idea where her head is at and whether it is somewhere you want to be.
The park as an alternate is definitely one you need a group for, taking a girl alone to the park on the first "date" brings to mind images of "stalker." Good luck man!
VeronicaJ
09-13-06, 01:50 PM
the thing is: you want an easygirl or you want a work for it? Maybe she turn out to be cool and better than the one you have a crush on? Get to know them both.
I like Othelo's idea here!
Another quick thing, DON'T under any circumstances ask her out on a one on one date! Make it a group thing, or go out with another couple, this way there will be adequate enough space to get to know each other without seeming forced to. Grab a friend or two and head to the park, especially near the center of town where there are lots of people. shops etc. or the mall, somewhere where she feels likes she isn't forced into awkward conversation.
The mall, you might ask? Yeah, I always thought that was a good place to sort of feel someone out. There are lots of potential conversation starters, usually at least one bookstore (great for finding out what she’s in to, just head to the magazine rack and see what she picks up) a food court, card shop etc... Be nice, let her go first when entering the stores pull out her chair for her etc... Believe it or not people in general, not just women, appreciate a little courtesy and kindness.
By the end of the date you should have a better idea where her head is at and whether it is somewhere you want to be.
The park as an alternate is definitely one you need a group for, taking a girl alone to the park on the first "date" brings to mind images of "stalker." Good luck man!
Equilibrium
09-13-06, 03:06 PM
spud i didnt know you were back?
Randal Graves
09-13-06, 05:32 PM
the thing is: you want an easygirl or you want a work for it? Maybe she turn out to be cool and better than the one you have a crush on? Get to know them both.
i cant get to know a gurl who i dont know who she is...her friend told me...but she never showed me who she is or told me if shes in any of my classes lol
VeronicaJ
09-13-06, 05:33 PM
keep askin, eh. Potentional girlfriend, maybe shes cool..
spudracer
09-13-06, 07:00 PM
spud i didnt know you were back?
Yup, I'm back. Feels good to be back too!!
Randal, ask tomorrow who she is. Get this girl pointed out so you can know if she's worth going after, or if the girl you have a crush on is more important.
Just because a girl is not in any of your classes (that you know of) doesn't mean it wouldn't work out for you. To be honest, it would actually work better, you wouldn't have that distraction.
Austruck
09-13-06, 08:16 PM
Here I am, a 45-year-old mother of four, and I'm following this thread like it's my favorite soap opera. I am so anxious to hear how this all turns out!
Lots of good advice here, Randal. And yes, girls LOVE courtesy and gentlemanly behavior. Don't let the feminists tell you we don't! It's not rude for a guy to hold open a door. To me it shows respect and kindness.
As for the first question, I definitely like the "group" idea. Is there somewhere you can invite her where there will be other friends/peers? Like: "Hey, I'm going to this party at X's house this weekend. Would you like to go with me?" or "A few of us are going to see X movie this weekend. I would love for you to come along with us...."
I think it helps to go into this making it clear that the short-term goal is friendship and getting to know each other. My husband and I "met" on the internet and when we finally met in person, we were clear that it was just so we could make friends. That took all the pressure off, and I got to know him slowly. If he had tried to be romantic on the first date (or for the first eight months!), I would have backed off REALLY fast because I didn't really "get" him or his sense of humor and didn't even like him much.
It wasn't until we had been hanging out as friends for about eight months that I realized all the things I really liked about him. It had all crept up on me really slowly over time ... mainly because I never felt any pressure to be more than friends, so I gave him a "second chance," so to speak.
Keep us posted!!
Randal Graves
09-13-06, 08:41 PM
my life isnt a soap opera lol....
anyways im still tryin to talk to her...everytime i try it to i loose my confidence and end up backin down...its hard 4 me i guess...
Austruck
09-13-06, 08:44 PM
Well, mostly, I meant reading this thread is like that -- everyone on every side of the issue weighing in with advice and all kinds of possible stories taking place ...
I meant that it was sweet and *fascinating* to read. :)
spudracer
09-13-06, 10:16 PM
Randal, here's a way to look at it, and this may or may not help your confidence...
Picture in your head, her with someone you absolutely hate, and how much it irritates you seeing him treating her bad. Also, picture how it makes you wish you had taken your chance while you had it.
Like I said, that may help, and that may not. Just something to think about, and who knows, it may help you get your confidence up.
Randal Graves
09-13-06, 10:44 PM
Well, mostly, I meant reading this thread is like that -- everyone on every side of the issue weighing in with advice and all kinds of possible stories taking place ...
I meant that it was sweet and *fascinating* to read. :)
lol im kiddin...
and spud wat u said actually boosts my confidence quiet a bit...thanks
VeronicaJ
09-14-06, 10:56 AM
Here I am, a 45-year-old mother of four, and I'm following this thread like it's my favorite soap opera. I am so anxious to hear how this all turns out!
Lots of good advice here, Randal. And yes, girls LOVE courtesy and gentlemanly behavior. Don't let the feminists tell you we don't! It's not rude for a guy to hold open a door. To me it shows respect and kindness.
If you just were my mum, damn..
Anyways she is right. We ALL love courtesy, even though we say we dont (some of us do).
The thing most of the girls dont like is guys bragging about whatever can be bragged about, also being a little shy can be helpful, its cute. You will get to know the game, but unlike any other game, there's no real manual to the game of love because its different with every person, therefor its up to you to find out how she works. I always she when god created men he forgot to publish te manual, but the same goed for women. Sometimes women are easy to read, but some are equal to a book full of metaphors. Itll take some time to uncover it at. Take your time.
Never ever forget to be true to yourself, the biggest turnoff is somebody pretending to be somebody else. Get to know both girls better... Take a step into the unknown, it cant be bad. You may get turned off, but then again you may get a girlfriend out of this matter. It is in any way an experience youll be needing in the rest of your life. Life is, and will always be about taking chances.
thumbs up!
ash_is_the_gal
09-14-06, 11:17 AM
Sometimes women are easy to read, but some are equal to a book full of metaphors.
a lot of the time its the aloof ones that pull at our heartstrings the most...
Ok we have here 4 pages of good advices so does it have any effect?
Ok we have here 4 pages of good advices so does it have any effect?
The first step is the hardest, when he does it, no matter the outcome (not all situations have the outcome we want) it gets easier from there, that first step can be for some people as scary as jumping off a cliff. :yup:
Randal Graves
09-14-06, 07:35 PM
yes it is very scary lol....i went another day without tellin her...i got so ****ing nervoes wen i tried...one of these days im gonna just decide 2day is the day
spudracer
09-14-06, 07:39 PM
Jump!!!
Of course what I mean, is what Nebs said, jump off the cliff!!
yes it is very scary lol....i went another day without tellin her...i got so ****ing nervoes wen i tried...one of these days im gonna just decide 2day is the day
Just remember everyone is anxious when asking a girl out, it is normal, the only way to get better at it is to feel the anxiety and push through it :yup: you have nothing to loose :yup:
Randal Graves
09-14-06, 09:33 PM
yea ur rite....got nothin to loose and everythin to gain....ure rite...thanks
VeronicaJ
09-15-06, 03:08 PM
Good! Now you know, lets make a step, you got a weekend to prepare yourself :)
Randal Graves
09-16-06, 02:07 AM
yea...this weekend im gonna make myself ready to do it...and hopefully on monday i can at least talk to her
hopefully on monday i can at least talk to her
That is a good start :yup:
Randal Graves
09-17-06, 12:19 AM
ok this is startin to work out...one of my best friends is good friends with her....rite now shes tellin me a whole bunch of stuff about her:D
ok this is startin to work out...one of my best friends is good friends with her....rite now shes tellin me a whole bunch of stuff about her:D
heh, go Randal go randal :D At least for now you can get to know her a bit which is really important. Hey she might turn out to be exactly the person you've been looking for but yeah she might not either but getting to know her outside a 'date' will make you more sure and make it heaps easier to actually ask her :).
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