Gossip

[allthatglitters]

Disclaimer: This isn't a thread for gossip, it's a thread about gossip. ;)
(So make sure gossip doesn't find out. Bad joke? Okay. . .)

Last week I was sitting in my Econ class waiting for my friend to arrive. After all, so much had happened since I had seen her an hour before! Well, not really. Our other best friend got lucky over the weekend and my friend just had to know. Turns out she had something even more important to me. We went on and on and then brought up past things and then worked out situations in our head. We analyzed every word, cross-referenced it with words said before and deduced that the latest story didn't really change the current status of things in our group, but instead provided us with proof that somehting was afoot. This bit of information held us captive much longer than other bits of information. Later, during our AP Comp class after lunch, she said something that has got me thinking ever since:

"Janelle--we gossip WAY too much."
"Oh sweetie! Don't say that! Gossiping is for beauty salons and knitting circles. We don't gossip, we just talk about people."
"Janelle!"
"Oh. Crap."

The next day I attempted to defend our habit.

"OK. We do seem to talk about other people excessivey, but that's not all we talk about. Plus, the things we talk about do not get spread around, not by us at least. And it only ever deals with our friends. "
"We talk about our friends behind their backs every day."
"No, we discuss their character every day. Remember when you were fighting with D and everything she did was scrutinized by everybody voting for you, and likewise to you? What we talk about deals with our friends, the way they act, why they act and those actions consequences upon the rest of the group. Look at us as defenders of the group. Spies making sure we stay together."
"Ok. I guess. . ."

So the question I pose to you my fellow MoFo's is one of petty chit-chat: Is there some good to come from gossip?

[Tea Barking]

In my experience nothing good has ever come from gossip, it ends up with someone getting beaten up, and destorys friendships and relashionships.

[SpoOkY]

mmm but there are degrees of gossip aren't there? If it's just spreading information that is in no way malicious then maybe it can be ok. if you say to a friend of yours "hey did you notice how Kate always wants to go out" - "that's because I think she has troubles at home and doesn't want to be there". In this situation you are talking about people behind there back but it is in a sort of caring way so you know how people are...maybe you could have a talk to them about it to see if they are ok.

I think gossip can be bad if you speculate too much about somebody such as saying "James never wants to have fun anymore I reckon it's because Anna is forcing him to not hang around with us anymore, what a #%$&!". See this kind of talk can lead to anger at somebody when you don't know all the facts (as I can attest to - real life situation, p.s. I was not the speaker :p).

It's all relative to the situation. It's good to be aware though and if you suspect your gossip could lead to somebody getting hurt then you should stop for sure. If you suddenly realise you gossip a lot Allthatglitters then it's probably not so bad or else you would have seen the negative effects by now right?

[SamsoniteDelilah]

"What we talk about deals with our friends, the way they act, why they act and those actions consequences upon the rest of the group."

That is the good that can come of it. Spooky makes a very important point about keeping the focus on understanding, rather than inciting anger against someone. If it's about understanding and harmony, then it's concern, not gossip. Understanding why people do what they do is an important part of life, and one that you can't really take a class in. As our society moves away from a village-like structure, and we are more isolated, we have less and less opportunity to gain wisdom from people older than we are. That's one of the benefits of an online community, to me. Discussing trends in people's behaviour is one way of sussing out what older people have had more time to learn. But (generally speaking) there is that caveat of being sure your focus is positive - which I'm sure you understand, from what I know of you, J. :)

[blibblobblib]

Gossip is like a good Poo. It feels so good but seems so wrong to enjoy it.

[allthatglitters]

I've been too busy to respond to this until now. Anyways, I agree with Spooky, Sammy and even Blib. Gossip of the tabloid variety is wrong and gross, but there can be well-meaning gossip. I went to an awesome party this weekend. The person who was throwing it had constructed the guest list with me in such a way that no terrible high-school-tragedy could happen between guests. We did this by talking about every single person for a very long time. I just made my own guets list for a much smaller party I am having in December, and I did the same thing. I talked it over with another friend to make sure I wasn't going to bring up any bad blood.

[ObiWanShinobi]

In the 7th grade, not only was some kid gay, but apparently he hit on a straight guy. Of course, the 7th grader got pummelled. Was he gay? Did he hit on straight people? Does any of it matter?

All I know is that when **** gets started **** goes down.

Gossip, by definition, is wrong.

[nebbit]

So the question I pose to you my fellow MoFo's is one of petty chit-chat: Is there some good to come from gossip?

http://bestsmileys.com/letters1/14.gifhttp://bestsmileys.com/letters1/5.gifhttp://bestsmileys.com/letters1/22.gifhttp://bestsmileys.com/letters1/5.gifhttp://bestsmileys.com/letters1/18.gif

[allthatglitters]

So, if gossip is bad, what is discussing a friends welfare?

[7thson]

We have all been a spreader and a victim of gossip. Gossip does not have to be a rumor, it can be fact, but it is usually rumor and invading.

Think before you speak! I try too most of the time, unless it involves me. I am my own worst enemy.:)

[allthatglitters]

Hmmm.

I agree with all of that, but I am still trying to figure out when concern crosses the line to malice or unintended harm. Well, I have a pretty good idea. I also think that the more you show "concern", the easier it becomes to cross the line. However, I also think that this can be prevented by trying to look for the good aspects of others. My friend and I used to communally vent about this one guy we knew-- now that guy has gotten a lot better. So whenever he comes up in a story we usually reflect on how much better his character is now. Likewise, if we find out that somebody we respect did something totally out of character, we dismiss it. Always trusting the individuals current behavior.

[ObiWanShinobi]

The best way not to gossip is to not have friends.

So, invariably, people will gossip about you becuase you have no friends and you will therefore be a superior human being.

[Revenge of Mr M]

I gossip with certain friends about other friends of ours, without ever really wanting to. Then, I feel guilty about gossiping and go out of my way to be nice to the other friends while gossiping with them about the certain friends. It's a stressful way to live, for sure.

[nebbit]

:dizzy:


Hi http://bestsmileys.com/waving/2.gif Mr M :D