Proof Please

[John McClane]

Could someone here look this over and tell me if you see any really big mistakes. I'm writing this article for a contest in the paper. All I'm really worried about is big mistakes. Thanks.

History; it’s required that students learn no matter how boring the class. For some, we loved it and were given an opportunity to witness two of the most history rich places on Earth.

Almost two years ago, my ninth grade history teacher asked his classes if they wanted to see Greece and Italy. Hands shot up into the air as he mentioned the things we would see: The Roman Colosseum; the Parthenon; the Pantheon; the Roman Forum; and the Sistine Chapel. My hand was one of several that rose in the air; one way or another, I was going.

Finally, after all the planning, our departure date arrived and we climbed aboard a Boeing 747 to fly to Frankfurt, Germany. We then missed our connecting flight due to inclement weather, and then arrived in Greece at the late hour of midnight.

The next day our traveling began, and after our trip was done I knew that my highlight was Delphi, which sits atop a mountain in central Greece. While en route to Delphi, I became carsick and began throwing up; however, I battled through and arrived at the top. The view took my breath away; all I could see was green lushness which was absolutely beautiful.

In the end, this traveling brought about homesickness for each and every one of us; some more strong then others. For myself, I just wanted to know I was in America with all the freedoms men and women have so valiantly died protecting.

EDIT: Deadline is August 12th. Thanks again.

[HellboyUnleashed]

It was great. The ending seemed a little abrupt but I really can't talk since the highest grade I got on a project this past year was an 80. It sound's good, not much wrong with it grammatically, it wasn't as cohesive as it can be, but I have already stated, I'm not very good at papers either.

[Urban Cowboy]

No major mistakes that I can find. My only issue would be style wise. You used the semicolon a whole lot. It wasn't used incorrectly, just a lot.

[nebbit]

Hands shot up into the air as he mentioned the things we would see:

some more strong then others.

Not that i know much, :goof: I would cut out "into the air" don't need it.

Spelling mistake: than not then :D

The people to ask are: LordyLord, Susan and Tatty, you know, that nice Irish guy :D

[John McClane]

It has a limit of 250 words which made me mad because it was too little for me to explain everything. Thanks guys.No major mistakes that I can find. My only issue would be style wise. You used the semicolon a whole lot. It wasn't used incorrectly, just a lot. Did you find that distracting or annoying?

EDIT: This is my 3000th post. :D

[susan]

Could someone here look this over and tell me if you see any really big mistakes. I'm writing this article for a contest in the paper. All I'm really worried about is big mistakes. Thanks.

History is a required subject that students learn no matter how boring the class. For some of us who loved it, we are glad that we were given an opportunity to witness two of the most history rich places on Earth.

Almost two years ago, my ninth grade history teacher asked his classes if they wanted to see Greece and Italy. Hands shot up into the air as he mentioned the things we would see: The Roman Colosseum; the Parthenon; the Pantheon; the Roman Forum; and the Sistine Chapel. My hand was one of several that rose in the air; one way or another, I was going.

Finally, after all the planning, our departure date arrived and we climbed aboard a Boeing 747 to fly to Frankfurt, Germany. We missed our connecting flight due to inclement weather, then arrived in Greece at the late hour of midnight.

The next day our traveling began, and after our trip was done I knew that my highlight was Delphi, which sits atop a mountain in central Greece. While en route to Delphi, I became carsick and began throwing up; however, I battled through and arrived at the top. The view took my breath away; all I could see was green lushness which was absolutely beautiful.

In the end, this traveling brought about homesickness for each and every one of us; some that were stronger then others. For myself, I just wanted to know I was in America with all the freedoms men and women have so valiantly died protecting.

EDIT: Deadline is August 12th. Thanks again.


john,

edited a few things for you in the quote...just the beginning paragraph and in the middle:

We missed our connecting flight due to inclement weather, then arrived in Greece at the late hour of midnight.

btw, nebbs is right, you don't need into the air, up to you if you want to include it

thanks for sharing that with us...it was written well...

[7thson]

History, to some students, can be an extremely tedious class. For some, however, it can be a very enlightening experience. This year it allowed us to witness two of the most historically enriched places on Earth.

Almost two years ago, my ninth grade history teacher, Teachers name here asked his students if they wanted to experience the wonder that is Greece and Italy. Hands shot up into the air as he mentioned the things we would see: The Roman Colosseum; the Parthenon; the Pantheon; the Roman Forum; and the Sistine Chapel. My hand was one of several that rose in the air. I was going.

Finally, after all the planning, the big day arrived. We climbed aboard a Boeing 747 to fly to Frankfurt, Germany. Unfortunately we missed our connecting flight due to inclement weather, which caused us to arrive in Greece at the late hour of midnight.

The next day our adventure began, and afterwards I knew that my highlight was Delphi, which sits atop a mountain in central Greece. While en route to Delphi, I became carsick and began throwing up; however, I battled through and arrived at the top. The view took my breath away; all I could see was green lushness which was absolutely beautiful.

In the end, this traveling brought about homesickness for each and every one of us; some more strong then others. For myself, I just wanted to know I was in America with all the freedoms men and women have so valiantly died protecting.

[John McClane]

History, to some students, can be an extremely tedious class. For some, however, it can be a very enlightening experience. This year it allowed us to witness two of the most historically enriched places on Earth.

Almost two years ago, my ninth grade history teacher, Teachers name here asked his students if they wanted to experience the wonder that is Greece and Italy. Hands shot up into the air as he mentioned the things we would see: The Roman Colosseum; the Parthenon; the Pantheon; the Roman Forum; and the Sistine Chapel. My hand was one of several that rose in the air. I was going.

Finally, after all the planning, the big day arrived. We climbed aboard a Boeing 747 to fly to Frankfurt, Germany. Unfortunately we missed our connecting flight due to inclement weather, which caused us to arrive in Greece at the late hour of midnight.

The next day our adventure began, and afterwards I knew that my highlight was Delphi, which sits atop a mountain in central Greece. While en route to Delphi, I became carsick and began throwing up; however, I battled through and arrived at the top. The view took my breath away; all I could see was green lushness which was absolutely beautiful.

In the end, this traveling brought about homesickness for each and every one of us; some more strong then others. For myself, I just wanted to know I was in America with all the freedoms men and women have so valiantly died protecting.I really appericate you writing all that but, I didn't ask for the entire thing to be rewritten. This is a small contest you know. :laugh:

And nebbs, thanks for clearing something up with me. I was wondering if starting the paper with one word would seem a bit odd. Thanks a lot guys. I'm happy with the paper now that you've given me some :up:s on the paper. Sending it in now.

[7thson]

I really appericate you writing all that but, I didn't ask for the entire thing to be rewritten. This is a small contest you know. :laugh:Actually was not rewritten at all, it means the same as you wrote. Just added a little flavor to it. I cut and pasted and made a few edits is all, took about 5 mins...hope it gives you a few ideas at least.:)

[John McClane]

Actually was not rewritten at all, it means the same as you wrote. Just added a little flavor to it. I cut and pasted and made a few edits is all, took about 5 mins...hope it gives you a few ideas at least.:)
Well, it was as close to rewriting as you could get. :) ;)

[7thson]

Sorry, I was a Ghost writer in college, it is a habit, but I did almost always get A's for people.

[susan]

hey hope you win...let us know how you did....

[John McClane]

Sorry, I was a Ghost writer in college, it is a habit, but I did almost always get A's for people.That's my boy!!! :D ;)

[Urban Cowboy]

It has a limit of 250 words which made me mad because it was too little for me to explain everything. Thanks guys. Did you find that distracting or annoying?

EDIT: This is my 3000th post. :D
Yeah a bit distracting. During my first read, half way through I was thinking, "wow that's a bunch of seim-colons", rather than focusing on what the article was saying.

[John McClane]

Yeah a bit distracting. During my first read, half way through I was thinking, "wow that's a bunch of seim-colons", rather than focusing on what the article was saying.What can I say? I could barely make it 250 words. I had to use those semi-colons to cut words out. Newspapers. :indifferent: Lol. :)

[John McClane]

Oh shoot, I just sent the e-mail but, I think the formating of the paragraphs isn't correct. I believe the e-mail will be recieved with no indentation. AH!!!!

[Tacitus]

Sorry I couldn't make it before your deadline - pesky time differences...

I wouldn't have changed a whole lot anyway. :)

[Eyes]

Could someone here look this over and tell me if you see any really big mistakes. I'm writing this article for a contest in the paper. All I'm really worried about is big mistakes. Thanks.

History; it’s required that students learn no matter how boring the class may be. Some of us loved it and were given an opportunity to witness two of the most historically rich places on Earth.

Almost two years ago, my ninth grade history teacher asked his classes if they wanted to see Greece and Italy. Hands shot up into the air as he mentioned the things we would see: The Roman Colosseum; the Parthenon; the Pantheon; the Roman Forum; and the Sistine Chapel. My hand was one of several that rose in the air; one way or another, I was going.

Finally, after much planning, the day of our departurearrived and we climbed aboard a Boeing 747 to fly to Frankfurt, Germany. Due to inclement weather, we missed our connecting flight and subsequently arrived in Greece at the late hour of midnight.

The next day, our traveling began, and after our trip had concluded I knew that my highlight had been Delphi, which sits atop a mountain in central Greece. While en route to Delphi, I became carsick and fell ill; however, I battled through and arrived at the top. The view took my breath away; all I could see was green lushness which was absolutely beautiful.

In the end, this traveling brought about homesickness for each and every one of us; more strongly for some than others. As for myself, I just wanted to know that I was in America with all the freedoms men and women have so valiantly died protecting.

EDIT: Deadline is August 12th. Thanks again.
Okay, the red marks are the actual grammatical errors.
The blue are suggestions I made. I've had a lot of practice writing for english teachers and editors and they prefer "nice" language. It just kind of flows a little better imho. So, take the advice if you want, its "your" paper and decision in the end. Anywho, cheers!:) :D

-Ian